





r*A 



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ANECDOTICAL OLIOj 



BEING A COLLECTION OP 



LITERARY, MORAL, RELIGIOUS, AND MISCELLANEOUS 
ANECDOTES. 



SELECTED AND ARRANGED 



BY THE REV. MESSRS. HOES AND WAY. 



NEW YORK: 

HARPER & BROTHERS, PUBLISHERS, 




F BANK LIN SQUARE. 



1856. 



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Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1838, by 

Harper & Brothers, 
in the Clerk's Office of the Southern District of New- York. 



RECOMMENDATIONS 



ADDRESSED TO THE COMPILERS OF THE WORK. 



FROM ALVAN STEWART, ESQ. 

Gentlemen — I have examined the manuscripts in part of a volume you intend 
to publish under the name of " Literary, Moral, Religious, and Miscellaneous 
Anecdotes," with great interest and pleasure. The work, as the compilation 
of a vast number of extracts, is peculiarly happy. In fact, very many of those 
literary fragments may be considered the jewels of English literature. The 
tendency of your book, wherever read, will be to supersede works of romance 
and fiction ; it will cultivate a new taste. In fact, that person can hardly claim 
any sympathies in common with our humanity who does not find something 
to interest him in the various accounts of men and things which will be found 
in this book. Allow me to say, no parlour or library should be without a book 
of this character ; for into whose hands soever it may fall, it will improve the 
thoughtless, mend the froward, while it adds dignity to virtue, and confidence 
to truth. Most respectfully, I am your friend, 

ALVAN STEWART. 

FROM REV. BERIAH GREEN, PRESIDENT OF ONEIDA INSTITUTE, AND REV. 
AMOS SAVAGE, PASTOR OF BLEECKER-STREET PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH. 

A collection of well-authenticated anecdotes, happily selected, on the various 
topics which your design embraces, can hardly fail to be attractive and useful. 
Attractive from the very nature of an anecdote, it must be for all. Useful, too, 
as presenting truth in forms equally striking and intelligible ; at the same time 
fastening it on the memory, and making it matter for reflection. To instruct- 
ers it may prove a source whence appropriate illustrations may be drawn. In 
many cases, too, where amusement only is sought, improvement will be gained. 

After some examination of the materials you have been collecting, I wish 
you success in your design. Yours respectfully and affectionately, 

B. GREEN. 

From having examined a considerable portion of the anecdotes which you 
propose to publish. I can most cordially concur in the above recommendation, 
and think it will be both an amusing and useful work. Yours respectfully, 

AMOS SAVAGE. 

FROM THE REV. ELIAS BOWEN, PRESIDING ELDER, ONEIDA CONFERENCE, AND 
REV. DANIEL ELDREDGE, PASTOR OF BROAD-STREET BAPTIST CHURCH. 

From a general glance at the manuscript you propose publishing under the 
title of " Literary, Moral, Religious, and Miscellaneous Anecdotes," I am in- 
clined to think favourably of its character, and have no doubt it will be es- 
teemed a valuable acquisition to any library. The tendency of such a work 
doubtless will be to supersede in a great measure the circulation of fictitious 
publications, and give solid instruction while it entertains. This, I am satis- 
fied, is a principal object you have in view ; and one which your anecdotes, 
valuable in themselves (so far as I have had the means of knowing), will be 
almost sure to achieve from the advantage of a judicious classification. 
Yours, with much esteem, 

ELIAS BOWEN. 

From a partial perusal of your copious selection of anecdotes, I concur in 
the above recommendation. Yours respectfully, 

DANIEL ELDREDGE. 



INTRODUCTION. 



Anecdotes are common property. Their usefulness, if 
judiciously selected, is admitted by all. They constitute em- 
phatically the pleasing art of instruction in science, morals, 
and religion. There is a large mass of anecdotes in the 
world, but it is a lamentable fact that a great proportion of 
them is from the witty vulgar and profane, while here and 
there a bright gem is found. To cull and arrange judicious- 
ly is no small task. To accomplish this, no necessary la- 
bour or expense has been spared. Our only apology for un- 
dertaking the work is, that it appeared to us providential ; 
while such a work, important in itself, seemed to be greatly 
needed by the community. We are fully aware that this is 
an age of criticism ; but while some are pleased with no pro- 
duction except their own, many, we hope, will, by a careful 
perusal of this, be interested and profited. 

COMPILERS. 

Utica, 1838. 



CONTENTS. 



ABSTRACTION. 

Page 
Sir Isaac Newton .... 82 

Wm. Mason, Esq 83 

Absence of Mind . . « .83 

La Fontaine 83 

Death of Archimedes . .83 

Sir Isaac Newton and the Kittens 83 
An Absent Genius . -84 

AMUSEMENTS OF THE 
LEARNED ... 48 

ARTS, THE FINE. 

Myron 

Painting from Nature . 
Praxiteles .... 
Lost Art .... 

Monochromatic Painting 
Mosaic Painting 
Wood Engraving . 
Copperplate Engraving . 
Blunders .... 

Trial of Conjugal Affection . 

AFFLICTIONS. 
It was good for me that I was af- 
flicted 331 

Trials productive of good . .331 
Dr. Chandler 332 

AMERICAN CHARACTERISTICS. 



Hancock and Franklin 




133 


American rustic Hospitality . 


134 


On Petitioning 


134 


Gen. C. C. Pinckney 


135 


ASSOCIATION. 




Nautical Sermon .... 


85 


Napoleon 


85 


Native African .... 


86 


Remarkable Remedy 


86 


AVARICE (See Covetousness). 


BENEVOLENCE. 




Fenelon 


117 


Alfred the Great . 




117 


King of Prussia 




118 


Dr. Crow 




118 


Safe Investment . 




119 


Dr. S. Wright 




119 


Where it should be 




119 


As it should be 




119 


Washington . 




119 


Charitable Pastor . 




120 


Isle of Man 




120 


Example for Physicians 




. 121 



John Howard 

Kosciusko 

African Sympathy . 

Feeling in the right Place 

Do quickly 

Rev. John Wesley . 

The Choice . 

The Elgin Family . 



Page 
. 121 
. 122 
. 122 
. 122 
. 123 
. 123 
. 127 
. 127 



BIBLE. 

Hint to Skeptics . . . .253 
Neglect of the Bible . . .254 
Attachment to the Bible . . 254 
The Devil Outwitted . . .255 
Bible an Obscure Book . . . 255 

Mr. Locke 255 

Dr. Johnson . ... 256 

The Bible the best Book . . 256 
Infidel Prophecies .... 256 
Thomas Paine .... 257 
Stage Anecdote .... 257 

Legacy 258 

An Irish Child .... 258 

A Bible lent 258 

What is Truth ? . . . .259 
Translation of the Bible . . 259 

Bible its own Apologist . . . 260 
An old Woman and the Shepherd's 

Boy 261 

Bible easily understood . . . 261 
Short Rules for Studying the Bible 262 

BIGOTRY, PREJUDICE, &c. 

Dr. Berkeley 306 

Mr. Staunton . . . .306 

Luther 306 

Dr. Cheynell 306 

Bigoted Hearer . . . .307 

CARDS. 

Locke 197 

Addison 197 

Mr. Dodd 197 

Gambling-houses at New-Orleans 198 

Gaming 198 

Elizabeth Edmonds . . .198 
Mr. Romaine . . . .199 

CHRISTIANITY. 
The Character of Jesus Christ by 

an Infidel . . . .243 

Witnesses to the Dignity and Glory 

of Christ 243 

Burden of the New Song . . 244 
Christianity the best System of 

Morals 245 

No Substitute for Christianity . 245 



Vlll 



CONTENTS. 



Page 
Comfort of Religion . . .246 
Sir John Mason . . . .246 
The Brand plucked out of the Fire 247 

No Religion 247 

Rock of Calvary . . . .248 
Argument of a Jew against Idolatry 248 
Jew's Messiah .... 248 
Secretary Walsingham . . . 249 
Remote Cause of Reformation . 249 
Benefit of Religion . . .249 

Excellent Advice . . . .250 
Liberality of Sentiment . . . 250 
The Happy Man . . . .250 
Mr. Summerfield . . . .251 
A Clergyman's Life . . .251 

Experience 251 

The Divine Approbation . . 252 
Is there a Hell ? . . . .252 
A Pertinent Question . ■ . . 252 
Eternity 252 

EVIL SPEAKING (See Slander). 

CHRISTIANS, DYING. 
Mr. Bruce . . . . .333 

Addison 334 

Bishop Cowper .... 334 

Dr. Goodwin 334 

Mr. Hervey 334 

Wesley and M'Kendree . . .335 
Mr. Colding . . . . .335 
Converted Jewess .... 335 

Spener 336 

Remarkable Presentiment of Death 336 
Death 337 

CHRISTIANS, FAITHFUL. 

Pious Bookseller . . . .290 
Souls on Board .... 291 
Punctual Hearer . . . .291 
Deaf Woman a constant Attendant 291 

CHRISTIANS, UNFAITHFUL. 



Page 
The Minister's Prayer-book . . 299 
Civility 299 



COVETOUSNESS 
Mr. Ostervald 
Constantine the Great 
Mr. Elwes 
Daniel Dancer, Esq 
Three Misers . 
Petersburgh Miser 
Vandille . 
A Covetous Bishop 
Fair Award 
Avaricious Characters 
Vanity of the World 

COLOURS. 

Singular Cases of Inability to dis 
tinguish Colours 



310 
. 311 
. 311 
. 312 
. 313 
. 313 
. 313 
. 314 
. 314 
. 315 
. 316 



47 



Folly of renouncing Christ 

Force of Custom . 

Protestants reproved 

The late Hearer 

A Hypocrite . 

Barren Professors reproved 

Faith and Works . 



292 
292 
292 
293 
293 
294 
294 



CHRISTIAN DUTIES, VARIOUS. 

Forgiving one another . . .295 
Mistaken Doctor . . . .295 

Perseverance 296 

Dr. Payson's Message to Young 

Ministers .... 296 

John Randolph's Mother . 296 

Effects of Parental Indulgence . 296 
Parents and Children . . .297 

Deliberation 297 

Example 297 

A Good Conscience . . . 298 

Humility 298 

Mr. Fletcher 299 



CONVERSIONS, REMARKABLE. 

Highwayman reclaimed . . 286 



He died." 
Rev. Mr. M- 
A Lady . 
Poor Robber 



CRUELTY 
CUSTOM AND HABIT. 
Force of Habit 
Mathematical Habit 
Old Habits . 
Force of Habit 
The Thread of Discourse 

CRITICISM. 



Punctuation . 

Michael Angelo 

Royal Criticism 

Confusion of Words 

Vaugelas 

Plato and Aristotle 

The Nominalists and Realists 

Blind Controversialists . 

The Cobbler . 

Bishop Patrick 

;Sir Isaac Newton . 

Too big a Booh ! . 

The two Knights . 

DANCING. 
A Blessing on the Dance 
Sensible Query 
A good Reason for Dancing 
Dancing before a King . 
Clerical Dancing . 

DUELLING. 

Frederic the Great 
A Swiss Retort 
Judge Thacher 
The Duel prevented 
Remarkable Duel . 
Bible the best Sword 
Dr. A. Clark on Duelling 
How to treat a Bully 



287 
287 
288 



397 



. 90 

. 90 

. 91 

. 91 

. 91 

. 91 

. 92 

. 92 

. 92 

. 92 

. 93 



200 
201 
201 
201 
201 



153 
153 
153 
153 
154 
155 
156 
157 



CONTENTS. 



II 



Page 
Gen. Hamilton . . . .157 
American Congress fifty Years ago 159 
True Courage .... 159 

The Indian's Reply to a Challenge 160 

Curiosity 160 

First Duel in America . . .161 
Oliver Cromwell . . . .161 



EARLY RISING. 

Buffon 114 

Frederic II 114 

Dean Swift 115 

Age of early Risers . . . 115 

EDUCATION. 
Apt Version 68 

EMINENT PERSONS RAISED 
FROM LOW STATIONS. 

Abbot 33 

Tillotson 33 

Pope Sixtus V 33 

Benedict XII 34 

Primislaus 34 

Franklin 34 

Prideaux 34 

Poor Student in Danger . . 35 
Franklin's Entrance into Philadel- 
phia 35 

Hunter and Cullen . . . 37 

Samuel Drew . . . .37 

Dr. Johnson ..... 38 

ELOQUENCE. 
Cicero . . . ., .96 

Pericles 97 

Edward IV 97 

Tecumseh 97 

Patrick. Henry . . . .98 

A Secret 99 

Logan 99 

Effect 100 

Physiognomy 100 

Bold Appeal 101 

Mr. Burke . . . . .101 
Seneca Indians .... 102 
Patrick Henry . . . .103 

ELOQUENCE OF THE PULPIT. 
Jeremy Taylor .... 104 

Whitfield 105 

Bigotry 106 

Saurin 106 

Massillon 107 

Animation 108 

True Eloquence . . . .108 
Summerfield Preaching to Children 109 

ETIQUETTE. 
A Levee Accident .... 216 
Victim of Etiquette . . .216 
Parliamentary Etiquette . . 217 
Satisfying a Coquette . . . 217 
Spanish Etiquette . . . .217 

EXAMPLE, INFLUENCE OF. 
Jewel 316 



Page 

Hooker 317 

. 317 
. 317 
. 318 
. 318 



The Pious Moravian 

Lady H 

The Pugilists 

Good Examples Neglected 

EXPEDIENCY. 

William Williams . . . .112 

Honour Dearer than Life . .113 

Better Rule than Expediency .113 

Do Something . . . .113 

FASHION. 
The Man of Fashion . . .208 
Origin of Fashion .... 208 

No Judge 208 

Fashionable Slander . . . 208 

Addison 209 

Mourning Costume . . .210 
English and Scots . . . .211 

Contrast 21 i 

Roman Women . . . .211 

Fans 212 

High and Low Headdresses . . 212 

Inventress 213 

English Characteristic . . . 213 

FEMALES (See Women). 

FEMALE BEAUTY AND ORNA- 
MENT. 
Choice of Clovis . . . .214 
Fortune well told . . . .215 
Beauty 216 

FEMALE CONSTANCY. 
Captives before Cyrus . . . 220 

Paulina 220 

Affecting Meeting .... 221 
Galatian Widow . . . .222 
Melancholy Instance, &c. . . 222 

Bonaparte 223 

Indian Virtue 223 

Female Captive . . . .223 
Female Chastity . . . .224 
The Widow and Bishop . . 224 

LEARNED FEMALES. 

Queen Elizabeth . . . 39 

Lady Jane Grey . . . .39 

Mary Cunitz 39 

Margaret 39 

Ann Maria Sherman . . .40 
Constantia Grierson . . .40 
Mary Queen of Scots . . .40 
Useful Females . . . .41 

Queen Mary II 41 

Intrepid Enterprise . . .41 
Mrs. Montague . . . .42 
Mrs. Sheridan . . . .42 

FORBEARANCE AND KIND- 
NESS. 

Philip 177 

Mr. Burkitt 178 

Mr. Henderson .... 178 
Sir Walter Raleigh . . . 17tf 



B 



CONTENTS. 





Page 


Rev. Mr. Clarke . 


. 179 


Paesiello 


. 179 


Pericles .... 


. 179 


Cowper .... 


. 180 


Duke of Marlborough . 


. 180 


Son of Ali 


. 180 


Magnanimous 


. 180 


Patient Shopkeeper 


. 181 


FORTITUDE. 




Sir Thomas More . 


. 129 


Spartans 


. 129 


Ignorance of Fear . 


. 130 


John Knox 


. 130 


Female Fortitude . 


. 131 


FORWARDNESS 




A Bite .... 


. 150 


Pedantry Reproved 


. 150 


Honourable Descent 


. 150 


Consequence . 


. 151 


FLATTERY. 




Domitius 


. 152 


GENIUS. 




Different Views of Genius 


. 21 


Precocity of Genius 


. 24 


Pascal .... 


. 24 


Cfandiac .... 


. 25 


Sir Philip Sidney . 


. 25 


Dr. Watts 


. 25 


Musical Infant 


. 25 


Self-taught Mechanist . 


. 26 


Christopher Smart 


. 27 


Master Clayton 


. 27 


Bacon .... 


. 28 


Blacklock 


. 28 


Crichton 


. 28 


Franklin 


. 29 


Sir Isaac Newton . 


. 29 


Bayle . • . 


. 29 


Imitators 


. 30 


Genius made by Accident 


. 31 


Mad Authors . 


. 33 


HONESTY. 




Dr. A. Clarke . 


. 110 


Honesty and Bravery 


. 110 


Honesty best Policy 


. IIP 


Goldsmith 


. Ill 


Smollett. 


. 112 


True Honesty 


. 112 


HUMANITY. 




George the First . 


. 182 


Massacre of the Huguenots 


. 182 


Francis II. 


. 182 


Caesar .... 


. 183 


Humane Driver Rewarded 


. 183 


Henry IV. 


. 183 


Hospitality Rewarded . 


. 184 


IGNORANCE. 




Adam Clarke . 


. 42 


A learned Discovery 


. 43 


A Water Quack 


. 43 



Page 

Titles 44 

Tyrants Enemies of Knowledge . 45 
Learned Quack .... 45 
Self-knowledge . . . .45 
Farmer's Son ... 46 

Arrogant Collegiate . . .46 
Lieutenant-governor Phillips . 46 

INDOLENCE. 

Spinola 202 

Idlers 202 

Silver Hook 202 

INDUSTRY. 
Royal Gardener .... 203 
Reward of Industry . . .204 
Peter the Great . . . .204 
How to pay for a Farm . . . 205 

INGRATITUDE. 

Macedo 147 

The Ungrateful Guest . . .148 

INVENTIONS AND DISCOVER- 
IES. 

Electricity 49 

Galvanism 50 

Early Printing . . . .50 
Chronology of Printing . . .51 
Printer's Widow .... 53 
S pence's Perpetual Motion . . 53 
Spectacles ..... 55 
Michael Angelo . . . .55 

Printing 55 

Mezzotinto 56 

Speaking Scrolls of Old . . 56 

Sculpture 57 

Bills of Exchange . . . .57 

Galileo 57 

Circulation of the Blood . . 59 
Vasco de Gama . . . .59 

Glass 60 

Philosopher's Stone . . 61 
Pins 62 

JUSTICE. 
The Conscientious Judge . .168 
The Inflexible Juryman . . 169 
The Divine Law Magnified . . 170 
The Irritated Magistrate . . 170 
Responsibility of Judges in Hol- 
land 171 

M. de Maintenon . . . .171 
Petition of the Horse . . .171 
Solon .... .172 

Socrates 172 

Aristides 172 

JEALOUSY. 

Denon 225 

LITIGATION. 
Lawyer and Client . . . 174 
Acquittal Extraordinary . . . 174 
Humane Juryman .... 174 
Long Suit 174 



CONTENTS. 



Page 
Exaggeration . . • -175 

Accusation and Acquittal . . 175 
Deny Everything and Insist upon 

Proof 175 

Bon Mot 175 

Counsel and Witness . . .176 
Mistaking Sides .... 176 
Peter the Great . . . .177 

LUXURY. 

Source of Luxury . . . .146 

Languages of the World . 48 

LIBRARIES. 

N. Niccoli 78 

Cicero 78 

Proper Books 

The Bibliomania .... 80 
Ancient Value of Books . . 81 

Translating . . • . . .81 
Littleton's Dictionary . . .82 

MARTYRS. 
James the Less .... 338 

Polycarp 338 

John Lambert .... 340 

George Wishart . . . .341 
John Bradford . . . .341 
Mr. L. Saunders . . . .342 
Thomas Bilney . . . .342 

John Huss 342 

Martyrdom of a little Boy . . 343 



Contrast . 

Eternity 

Encouragement to Preachers 
Dr. Magee 
President Davies . 
Subjects for the Pulpit . 
The humble Preacher the most use- 
ful . 
Examples of Diligence . 
A diligent Preacher 
Rev. Mr. Pope 
Short Allowance . 
Whitefield . 
Newyear's Present 
Dr. Mather 



Page 

. 266 
266 

. 266 
267 
268 

. 269 



270 
270 
271 
271 
271 
271 
271 



MINISTERS, UNFAITHFUL. 



sru -J** Call to preach 

Negligent Minister reproved 



272 
272 



MATRIMONY. 
Choice of a Husband 
Husband and Wife 
A Monster .... 
Apology for Turkish Polygamy 
Queen's Arrival 
Marriage in Lapland 
Marrying Youth and Age 
Matrimonial Export 
African Lovers 
A Literary Wife . 
Literary Men 232 

MEMORY. 

Strength of Memory ... 87 
Bishop Jewel . . . .87 

Prof. Porson 88 

Alick 88 



226 
226 
227 
227 
227 
228 
228 
229 
229 
231 



METEMPSYCHOSIS. 

Origin of the Doctrine of Transmi- 
gration 396 

MINISTERS, FAITHFUL. 

Latimer 264 

Burnet 264 

Perseverance 264 

Mr. Hervey 264 

A profitable Rebuke . . .265 

A Contrast 265 

Scorners rebuked . . . .266 
Sincerity 266 



MISSIONARY. 
Danish Converts .... 344 
Doing all to the Glory of God . 344 

Russian Boy 345 

A Lady 345 



Missionary Box 
A Child 



MISCELLANY. 

Apologies 

Behind-hand . 

Burns .... 

Where you ought to have been 

Spanish Honour 

African Honour 

Humanity 

Time .... 

The Philosopher outdone 

Influence of the Passions 

Mozart's Requiem . 

Curing a Hypochondriac 

The Dead Alive 

A benevolent Sailor 

Admiral Colpoys . 

A true King . 

Instability 

Curiosity Reproved 

Natural Disposition 

Vulgarity outwitted (By Billy 

bard) 
We must live . 
We must die . 
Louis XI. 

The Fool's Reproof 
Pious Philosopher . 
Human Nature 
The condescending General 
Expositors despised 
The Family Expositor . 
The blind American Preacher 
Original Anecdote . 
Rev. Mr. Buckminster . 
Retort Courteous . 
The Presence of God . 
A Sting in the Conscience 
The Rev John Fletcher . 



345 
346 



. 353 
. 353 
. 353 
. 354 
. 354 
. 355 
. 355 
. 356 
. 356 
. 356 
. 356 
. 359 
. 359 
. 361 
. 361 
• 361 
. 362 



Hib- 



362 
362 



364 
364 
364 
365 
365 
366 
366 
366 
366 
366 
367 
367 
367 



Xll 



CONTENTS. 



Page 
. 368 



Democritus 

The Report Discredited . 

Bishop Asbury 

God sees Me . 

Bring ye all the Tithes, &c 

The Rich Man Confounded 

Interesting Anecdote 

Heaven .... 

Plays .... 

Human Reason 

Pause .... 

An Atheist 

Feeling of Infidels . 

Another .... 

Impiety .... 

How true is Rom. viii., 7? 

Collins .... 

Scoffers Reproved . 

Ignorant Infidel 

Voltaire .... 

Infidel Corrected . 

Gibbon .... 

Remarks of Cecil . 

Influence of Infidelity 

The Caviller Reproved . 

The Atheist Convinced . 

Colonel Ethan Allen 

M The Devil is Dead" 

Robespierre . 

Destruction of Robespierre 

Prophecy fulfilled . 

Voltaire's last Hours 

A Blush .... 

Vehemence 

Hume the Atheist . 

The Philistine's Head . 

Voltaire and Chesterfield 

New Union . 

A Fool answered according to his 

Folly 
J. J. Rousseau 
Popery .... 
Romish Superstition 
St. Francis 
Priestcraft Outwitted 
Transubstantiation ' 
Arrogance 

Districts in Purgatory . 
Popish Mysteries, Miracles 

Ceremonies 
Prince Radzivil 
A Miracle 

Modern Miracle-monger 
The Inquisition 
Metempsychosis 
Origin of the Doctrine of Transmi 

gration 
Cruelty .... 
Nero .... 
Charles IX. . 
King of Russia 
Heroic Negro 
Generous Revenge 



MODESTY. 
Washington 219 



368 



. 370 
. 371 
. 372 
. 372 
. 373 
. 373 
. 374 
. 374 
. 374 
. 374 
. 374 
. 375 
. 375 
. 375 
. 376 
. 376 
. 377 
. 377 
. 377 
. 378 
. 378 
. 379 
. 379 
. 380 
. 380 
. 381 
. 381 
. 382 
. 382 
. 383 
. 383 
. 383 
. 384 



and 



384 
385 
388 
389 
389 
389 
390 
390 
390 

391 
392 
393 
393 
394 
395 

396 
. 397 
. 398 
. 398 
. 399 
. 399 
. 400 



Page 
MUSIC. 

The Organ 192 

Harpsichord 193 

Wrath of Amurath Subdued . . 193 

Pythagoras 194 

Influence of Music . . . 194 

Luther 196 

Piano-forte . . . . . 196 

PARENTAL AFFECTION. 
Fond Fathers . . . .187 

Saving from Fire . . . .188 
Steele Among his Children . . 188 
Filial Affection . . . .189 
Filial Affection Rewarded . . 189 
Daughter's Choice . . .190 

Quintus 190 

An Affecting Story . . . .191 

PASSIONS, INFLUENCE OF 
THE 356 



PERSECUTION, 
king of France 



. 332 
. 332 
. 333 
. 333 



Francis 
Don Pedro 
Dreadful Persecution 
Albigensian War . 

PHILOSOPHY. 

Pythagoras . . . . .128 
The Three Sages . . . .128 
Fair Disciple of Pythagoras . . 128 
Newton and the Rustic Philoso- 
pher 128 



PRAYER, EFFICACY OF 

Mr. Flavel 

A Pious Youth 

Mr. Longden . 

Frederic, elector of Saxony 

Mr. Ince .... 

Franklin on Prayer 

Family Prayer 

Private Prayer 



PRIDE. 

Saladin the Great . 

A Dervis .... 

Envy 

Examples of Pride . 

Instability of Greatness . 

The Great and Small lie together 

PREACHING. 

Dr. Manton . 

Elegant Compliment 

A Long Sermon 

A Hit at Metaphysics . 

South .... 

Dean Swift 

Reading Sermons . 

The Reformer and Quaker 

Hamilton 

Pungent Preaching 

Comment on Gallatians iv., 18 



319 
319 
320 
320 
320 
321 
322 
322 



308 
308 
308 
309 
309 
309 



273 
274 
274 
274 
274 
275 
276 
276 
277 
277 
277 



CONTENTS. 



Xlll 



Page 



Anecdotes of those who Read their 

Sermons 278 

Dr. Guise 278 

Who's to Blame ? . . . .279 
Curious Proof of Conversion . . 279 
Pious Farmers .... 279 

Preferment 280 

Ignorant Priest . . . .280 
A Popular Preacher . . .281 

Dr. Rush 282 

Dilemma 282 

Beautiful Simile . . . .283 
Rev. Mr. Sewell . . . .283 

Whitfield 284 

Canticles 284 

POPES AND POPERY . 388 

POLITENESS. 



Polite Pillaging 
Dr. Barrow 



218 
219 



POVERTY OF THE LEARNED 47 
PROVIDENCES, PARTICULAR. 
322 

323 
324 
324 
325 
325 
326 



Preaching for Diversion 
Conversion of a Wicked Master 
The Youth Restored 
The Faithful Minister . 

Another 

Bible a Shield for Soul and Body 

Mr. Heywood 

An Illustration of a Special Provi 

dence, and the Power of Prayer 327 
Nautical Anecdote . . . 328 

Submission to God's Providence . 328 
Dr. Doddridge . . . .328 
Surprising Event . . . .329 
Awful Death of a Wicked Woman 329 
Awful Account . . . .329 

Lying 330 

Lying Punished . . . .330 

READING. 
Dr. Watts .... 
Pope .... 
Pleasures of Study 
Classical Studies . 
Mirabeau .... 
Reading the Bible . 

Bible 

Queen Elizabeth . 

Collins 78 

RESTITUTION. 

Dr. A. Clarke 301 

Dread of Something after Death . 302 
Practical Hearer . . . .303 

SABBATH. 
Bishop Andrews .... 300 
The Sabbath-breaker silenced . 300 
Washington 301 

SLANDER. 

Valuable Sentence . . .304 
Origin of Slander .... 304 
Rev. Mr. Haynes . . .304 



STUDIES. 

Three Mistakes 

Progress of Old Age in Studies 

SWEARING, PROFANE 

Elector of Cologne 
Swearing rebuked . 
Mr. Scott 
Washington . 
Howard's Opinion . 

SABBATH-SCHOOL. 

The Praying Child 

Utility of Religious Instruction 

Temptation Resisted 

A Benevolent Boy . 

Attentive Children . 

Praying little Girl . 

The praying Boy . 

The Bit of String . 

Fearing the Lord . 

Striking Reproof . 

Effect of S. S. Instruction 

Original Anecdote . 

Coloured Schools . 

Good Samaritan 

TACITURNITY. 

Deliberation 

Diffidence 

Men of Genius deficient in Conver- 
sation 

Loquacity . . 
Rev. Mr. Berridge 
Knight of Florence 

TEMPERANCE. 
Rumseller's Diary . 

Devil's Blood 

Colonel B ruling over Rum 

A good Example . 

Starvation of Physicians 

To cure Sore Eyes . . . . 

The Antagonist . 

Temperate Drinking 

Cutting Rebuke . 

The wise Goat . . . • 

Intoxication 

Pleasures of Expectation 
License System . 
Quieting Conscience 

Intemperance 

Drunkard's Cloak . . . . 
Spontaneous Combustion 
Principle Cases of Spontaneous 
Combustion . . . . 
Pledge-breaking . 
Drinking the King's Health . 

TIME. , 
Economy of Time. 
Value of Time 
Dr. Cotton Mather 

WAR. 

Warrior's Opinion of W*ir » 



Page 

. 73 
. 74 



132 
132 
132 
132 
133 



346 
346 
347 
348 
348 
349 
349 
350 
350 
351 
351 
351 
352 
352 



68 



70 
71 

72 



135 
136 
136 
137 
137 
138 
138 
138 
139 
139 
139 
140 
140 
141 
141 
141 
142 

144 
145 
145 



116 
116 
117 



161 



XIV 



CONTENTS. 



Page 
Cause of the American Revolution 161 

Profit of War 162 

Reward of War . . . .162 

Profanation 163 

Stratagem of Colonel Washington 163 

Bonaparte 163 

Pirate's Defence . . . .163 
Veteran Corps .... 164 
Horrors of War . . . .164 
Conflagration of Moscow . . 164 
Wars between England and France 165 
Battle of Marathon . . .165 

Indian Chief 166 

Massacre at Wyoming . . . 167 
Colours Saved . . . .168 



WOMEN. 
Good Management of a Lady 
Wise Decision 
The Scold 
Wife of Dryden 
The Wife 
Submissive Wife 
A hard Choice 
Singular Alternative 
Gipsy Equivoque . 
Mrs. Howard 



. 234 
. 234 
. 234 
. 235 
. 235 
. 235 
. 236 
. 237 
. 238 
. 238 



Mrs. Sheridan 


. 238 


French Farmer's Wife . 


. 238 


Alpine Farmers 


. 239 


Secret well kept . 


. 339 


Female Depravity . 


. 240 


Matthew Henry 


. 240 


Temper 


. 241 


Rash Vow .... 


. 241 


Female Influence . 


. 241 


Arabian Respect for Women . 


. 242 


Gossips 


. 242 


Cruelty to Animals 


. 400 


Cruelties .... 


. 401 


Murderers Discovered . 


. 402 


A Woman .... 


. 403 


Comment on 1 Tim. vi., 10 . 


. 403 


Subrius Flavius 


. 404 


The Emperor and his poor Prisoner 405 


Scarcity of Kings . 


. 406 


Good Advice .... 


. 406 


Independence in Humble Life 


. 406 


Affectation and Sensibility . 


. 407 


Ornaments . 


. 407 


Egyptian Deity 


. 407 


Hannibal's Stratagem . 


. 408 


Implicit Faith 


408 






ANECDOTES, &< 



ANECDOTES,&o, 



GENIUS. 

Genius, that creative part of art which individualizes the 
artist, belonging to him, and to no other ; is it an inherent 
faculty in the constitutional dispositions of the individual, or 
can it be formed by the patient acquisitions of art ? 

Many sources of genius have indeed been laid open to us ; 
but if these may sometimes call it forth, have they ever sup- 
plied its wants ? Could Spenser have struck out a poet in 
Cowley, Richardson a painter in Reynolds, and Descartes 
a metaphysician in Mallebranche, had they not borne that 
vital germe of nature, which, when endowed in its force, is 
always developing itself to a particular character of genius ? 
The accidents related of these men have occurred to a thou- 
sand who have run the same career ; but how does it happen 
that the multitude remain a multitude, and the man of genius 
arrives alone at the goal ? 

The equality of minds in their native state is as monstrous 
a paradox, or a term as equivocal in metaphysics, as the 
equality of men in the political state. Both come from the 
French school in evil times ; and ought, therefore, as Job 
said, " to be eschewed." Nor can we trust to Johnson's 
definition of genius, " as a mind of general powers accident- 
ally determined by some particular direction," as this rejects 
any native aptitude, while we must infer on this principle 
that the reasoning Locke, without an ear or an eye, could 
have been the musical and fairy Spenser. 

Akenside, in that fine poem which is itself a history of 
genius, in tracing its source, first sang, 

" From heaven my strains begin, from heaven descends 
The flames of genius to the human breast." 

But in the final revision of that poem he left many years 
after, the bard has vindicated the solitary and independent 
origin of genius by the mysterious epithet the chosen breast. 



22 ANECDOTES. 

The veteran poet was perhaps lessened by the vicissitudes 
of his own poetical life and those of some of his brothers. 

Different views of genius have by some eminent men 
been entertained. " I know no such thing as genius," said 
Hogarth to Mr. Gilbert Cooper : " genius is nothing but la- 
bour and diligence." Sir Isaac Newton said of himself, 
" That if ever he had been able to do anything, he had ef- 
fected it by patient thinking only." 

That the dispositions of genius in early life presage its 
future character, was long the feeling of antiquity. Isoc- 
rates, after much previous observation of those who attend- 
ed his lectures, advised one to engage in political studies, 
exhorted another to compose history, elected some to be 
poets, and some to adopt his own profession. He thought 
that Nature had some concern in forming a man of genius, 
and he tried to guess at her secret by detecting the first en- 
ergetic inclination of the mind. This principle guided the 
Jesuits. 

In the old romance of King Arthur, when a cowherd 
comes to the king to request he would make his son a 
knight, " It is a great thing thou askest," said Arthur, who 
inquired whether this entreaty proceeded from him or his 
son. The old man's answer is remarkable : " Of my son, 
not of me ; for I have thirteen sons, and all these will fall 
to that labour I put them ; but this child will not labour for 
me, for anything that I and my wife will do ; but always 
he will be shooting and casting darts, and glad for to see 
battles, and to behold knights, and always day and night he 
desireth of me to be made a knight." The king commanded 
the cowherd to fetch all his sons ; they were all shapen 
much like the poor man ; but Tor was not like any of them 
in shape and in countenance, for he was much more than 
any of them. And so Arthur knighted him. This simple 
tale is the history of genius ; the cowherd's twelve sons 
were like himself, but the unhappy genius in the family who 
perplexed and plagued the cowherd and his wife, and his 
twelve brothers, was the youth averse to labour, but active 
enough in performing knightly exercises, and dreaming on 
chivalry amid a herd of cows. 

Some peurile anecdotes which Franklin remembered of 
himself, in association with his after-life, betray the inven- 
tion and the firm intrepidity of his character, and even, per- 
haps, the carelessness of the means to obtain his purpose. 
In boyhood he was a sort of adventurer ; and since his father 
would not consent to a sealife, he made the river near him 



GENIUS. 23 

represent the ocean; he lived on the water, and was the 
daring Columbus of a schoolboy's boat. A part where he 
and his mates stood to angle in time became a quagmire 
In the course of one day the infant projector thought of a 
wharf for them to stand on, and raised one with a heap of 
stones deposited there for the building of a house. But he 
preferred his wharf to another's house ; his contrivances to 
aid his puny labourers, with his resolution not to leave the 
great work till it was effected, seem to strike out to us the 
decision and invention of his future character. 

"Whatever a young man at first applies himself to is 
commonly his delight afterward." This remark was made 
by Hartley, who has related an anecdote of the infancy of 
his genius which indicated the man. He declared to his 
daughter that the intention of writing a book upon the nature 
of man was conceived in his mind when he was a very little 
boy, when swinging backward and forward upon a gate, 
not more than nine or ten years old ; he was then medita- 
ting upon the nature of his own mind, how man was made, 
and for what future end. Such was the true origin, in a boy 
of ten years old, of his celebrated book on the " frame, the 
duty, and the expectation of man." 

Alfieri said he could never be taught by a French dancing- 
master, whose art made him at once shudder and laugh. If 
we reflect that, as it is now practised, it seems the art of giv- 
ing affectation to a puppet, and that this puppet is a man, 
we can enter into this mixed sensation of degradation and rid- 
icule. Horace, by his own confession, was a very awkward 
rider ; and the poetical rider could not always secure a seat 
on his mule ; Metastasio humorously complains of his gun ; 
the poetical sportsman could only frighten hares and par- 
tridges ; the truth was, as an elder poet sings, 

"Instead of hounds that make the wooded hills 
Talk in a hundred voices to the rills, 
I like the pleasing cadence of a line 
Struck by the concert of the sacred nine." 

Browne's Brit. Past., b. ii., song 4. 

La Caille was the son of the parish clerk of a village ; at 
the age of ten years his father sent him every evening to 
ring the church bell, but the boy always returned home late. 
The father, suspecting something mysterious in his conduct, 
one evening watched him. He saw his boy ascend the 
steeple, ring the bell as usual, and remain there during an 
hour. When the unlucky boy descended he trembled like 
one caught in the fact, and on his knees confessed that the 
pleasure he took in watching the stars from the steeple was 



24 ANECDOTES 

the real cause of detaining him from home. As the father 
was not born to be an astronomer like the son, he flogged 
the boy severely. The youth was found weeping in the 
streets by a man of science, who, when he discovered in a 
boy of ten years of age a passion for contemplating the stars 
at night, and who had discovered an observatory in a steeple, 
in spite of such ill-treatment, he decided that the seal of na- 
ture had impressed itself on the genius of that boy. Re- 
lieving the parent from the son and the son from the parent, 
he assisted the young La Caille in his passionate pursuit, 
and the event perfectly justified the prediction. Let others 
tell us why children feel a predisposition for the studies of 
astronomy, or natural history, or any similar pursuit. We 
know that youths have found themselves in parallel situa- 
tions with Ferguson and La Caille without experiencing 
their energies. 

Precocity of Genius. — While the constant labours and 
extensive researches of eminent men deserve our praise, the 
premature development of genius excites both our admiration 
and astonishment. To see juvenile years graced with all 
the beauties of science and learning, strikes the mind as a 
singular phenomenon. Whether all human souls be equal, 
so that their powers are only expanded or restrained accord- 
ing to corporeal organization, or whether they are different 
in their own nature, may, perhaps, be a matter of much con- 
troversy. It is evident, however, that what has cost many 
the labour of years, have been almost the first thoughts of 
others possessed of an early and fruitful genius. A few in- 
stances are here selected, which will, perhaps, afford some 
degree of entertainment to the reader. 

Pascal. — Blaise Pascal, one of the sublimest geniuses 
the world ever produced, was born at Clermont, in Auvergne, 
in 1623. He never had any preceptor but his father. So 
great a turn had he for the mathematics, that he learned, or 
rather invented, geometry when but twelve years old ; for 
his father was unwilling to initiate him in that science early, 
for fear of its diverting him from the study of the languages. 
At sixteen he composed a curious mathematical piece. About 
nineteen he invented his machine of arithmetic, which has 
been much admired by the learned. He afterward employed 
himself assiduously in making experiments according to the 
new philosophy, and particularly improved upon those of 
Toricellius. At the age of twenty-four his mind took a dif- 



GENIUS. 25 

ferent turn ; for all at once he became as great a devotee 
as any age has produced, and gave himself up entirely to 
prayer and mortification. 

Candiac — John Lewis Candiac, a premature genius, was 
born at Candiac, in the diocess of Nismes, in France, in 
1719. In the cradle he distinguished his letters ; at thirteen 
months he knew them perfectly ; at three years of age he 
read Latin, either printed or in manuscript ; at four he trans- 
lated from that tongue ; at six he read Greek and Hebrew, 
was master of the principles of arithmetic, history, geography, 
heraldry, and the science of medals, and had read the best 
authors on almost every branch of literature. He died of a 
complication of disorders at Paris, 1726. 



SIR PHILIP SIDNEY. 

" When I was yet a child, no childish play 
To me was pleasing ; ail my mind was set 
Serious to learn and know, and thence to do, 
What might be public good ; myself I thought 
Born to that end ; born to promote all truth, 
All righteous things." 

Paradise Regained. 

Sir Philip Sidney was one of the brightest ornaments of 
Queen Elizabeth's court. In early youth he discovered the 
strongest marks of genius and understanding. Sir Fulk 
Greville, Lord Brook, who was his intimate friend, says of 
him, " Though I lived with him and knew him from a child, 
yet I never knew him other than a man, with such steadiness 
of mind, lovely and familiar gravity, as carried grace and rev- 
erence above greater years. His talk was ever of knowl- 
edge, and his very play tended to enrich the mind." 

Dr. Watts. — It was so natural for Dr. Watts, when a 
child, to speak in rhyme, that even at the very time he wished 
to avoid it he could not. His father was displeased at this 
propensity, and threatened to whip him if he did not leave 
off making verses. One day, when he was about to put his 
threat in execution, the child burst out into tears, and on his 
knees said, 

" Pray, father, do some pity take, 
And I will no more verses make." 



Musical Infant. — In 1788, a musical prodigy of the 
name of Sophia Hoffman attracted the notice of the scien- 
tific and the curious. The child, when only nine months old, 
discovered so violent an attachment to musical sounds, that, 

D 



26 ANECDOTES. 

if taken out of a room where any person was playing on an 
instrument, it was frequently impossible to appease her but 
by bringing her back. The nearer she was carried to the per- 
former the more delighted she appeared, and would often 
clap her little hands together in accurate time. Her father, 
who was a musician, cultivated her infantine genius so 
successfully, that, when she was a year and three quarters 
old, she could play a march, a lesson, and two or three songs 
with tolerable correctness ; and when two years and a half 
old she could play several tunes. If she ever struck a 
wrong note she did not suffer it to pass, but immediately 
corrected herself. 



Self-taught Mechanist. — A boy of the name of John 
Young, now (1819) residing at Newton-upon-Ayr, in Scot- 
land, constructed a singular piece of mechanism, which at- 
tracted much notice among the ingenious and scientific. A 
box, about three feet long by two broad, and six or eight 
inches deep, had a frame and paper covering erected upon 
it in the form of a house. On the upper part of the box are 
a number of wooden figures, about two or three inches high, 
representing people employed in those trades or sciences 
with which the boy is familiar. The whole are put in mo- 
tion at the same time by machinery within the box, acted 
upon by a handle like that of a hand-organ. A weaver upon 
his loom, with a fly-shuttle, uses his hands and feet, and 
keeps his eye upon the shuttle as it passes across the web. 
A soldier, sitting with a sailor at a public-house table, fills 
a glass, drinks it off, then knocks upon the table, upon which 
an old woman opens a door, makes her appearance, and they 
retire. Two shoemakers upon their stools are seen, the one 
beating leather, and the other stitching a shoe. A cloth- 
dresser, a stone-cutter, a cooper, a tailor, a woman churning, 
and one teasing wool, are all at work. There is also a car- 
penter sawing a piece of wood, and two blacksmiths beating 
a piece of iron, the one using a sledge and the other a small 
hammer; a boy turning a grindstone while a man grinds an 
instrument upon it ; and a barber shaving a man, whom he 
holds fast by the nose with one hand. 

The boy was only about seventeen years of age when he 
completed this curious work ; and since the bent of his 
mind could be first marked, his only amusement was that 
of working with a knife, and making little mechanical figures. 
This is the more extraordinary, as he had no opportunity 
whatever of seeing any person employed in a similar way. 



GENIUS. 27 

He was bred a weaver with his father ; and, since he could 
be employed at the trade, has had no time for his favourite 
study, except after the work ceased or during the intervals ; 
and the only tool he ever had to assist him was a pocket- 
knife. In his earlier years he produced several curiosities 
on a similar scale ; but the one now described is his greatest 
work, to which he devoted all his spare time during two 
years. 



Christopher Smart. — The late Christopher Smart is 
said to have written poems at four years of age. His song 
to David has been justly deemed a wonder in the moral 
world, and deserving as much the investigation of the philos- 
opher as the admiration of the lover of poetry ; and yet this 
poem was composed while the unfortunate bard was con- 
fined in a madhouse ; and in the absence of pen, ink, and 
paper, which were denied him, was written on the walls of 
his room with a key. It is a sublime production, and glows 
with religious fervour. In his fits of insanity religion was 
his ruling passion, and he was frequently so impressed with 
a sense of it as to write on his knees. When at large, he 
would say prayers in the streets, and insist that the people 
he met should pray with him. 

Master Clayton. — The son of Judge Clayton, of 
Athens, Georgia, about ten years of age, possesses the most 
astonishing arithmetical powers of mind. He can reduce 
any given number of miles to inches, years to seconds, (fee, 
performing the whole operation in his head, and will give 
the result as quick as an expert calculator can with a pen. 
Among other questions asked him were the following, which 
he solved with ease and expedition : How many inches are 
there in 1,373,489 miles ? How often does a wheel five 
feet six inches in diameter turn over in ninety miles ? 
What is the cube root of 24,743,682 ? He has, on more 
than one occasion (eighteen months ago), raised the number 
twelve to its fifteenth power; that is to say, the number 
multiplied into itself fifteen times. He can multiply three 
figures by three figures. The whole is performed by the 
bare strength of memory ; for it is done in the usual way ; 
there is no mystery in it, no short method or plan of his 
own. This faculty was discovered in him at about eight 
years of age, and has most astonishingly improved since that 
time. 



28 ANECDOTES. 

Bacon. — At college Bacon discovered how "that scrap 
of Grecian knowledge, the peripatetic philosophy," and the 
scholastic babble could not serve the ends and purposes of 
knowledge ; that syllogisms were not things, and that a 
new logic might teach us to invent and judge by induction. 
He found that theories were to be built upon experiments 
When a young man, abroad, he began to make those obser- 
vations on nature which afterward led on to the foundations 
of the new philosophy. At sixteen he philosophized ; at 
twenty-six he had framed his system into some form ; and 
after forty years of continued labours, unfinished to his last 
hour, he left behind him sufficient to found the great philo- 
sophical reformation. 

Blacklock. — Blacklock is said to have seen the light 
only for five months. Besides having made himself master 
of Greek, Latin, Italian, and French, he was also a great poet. 

Crichton. — James Crichton, known by the appellation of 
the Admirable Crichton, was born in Scotland. At the age 
of twenty years he thought of improving himself by foreign 
travel ; and having arrived at Paris, the desire of procuring 
the notice of its university, or the pride of making known his 
attainments, induced him to affix placards on the gates of 
its colleges, challenging the professors to dispute with him 
in all the branches of literature and the sciences, in ten lan- 
guages, and either in prose or in verse. On the day ap- 
pointed, three thousand auditors assembled. Fifty masters, 
who had laboriously prepared for the contest, proposed to 
him the most intricate questions, and he replied to them in 
the language they required with the happiest propriety of 
expression, with an acuteness that seemed superior to every 
difficulty, and with an erudition which appeared to have no 
bounds. Four celebrated doctors of the church then ven- 
tured to enter into disputation with him. He obviated every 
objection they could urge in opposition to him ; he refuted 
every argument they advanced. A sentiment of terror min- 
gled itself with their admiration of him. They conceived 
him to be an antichrist. This singular exhibition continued 
from nine in the morning till six at night, and was closed by 
the President of the University, who, having expressed in 
the strongest terms of compliment the sense he entertained 
of his capacity and knowledge, advanced towards him, ac- 
companied by four professors, and bestowed on him a dia- 
mond ring and a purse of gold 



GENIUS. 29 

Franklin and Electricity. — Doctor Franklin was the 
first philosopher who succeeded in obtaining electricity from 
the clouds. This he did by means of a kite, to which an iron 
point was affixed. To the lower end of the hemp string was 
attached a silken cord, to prevent the electric fluid from 
passing off, and where the hemp string terminated a key 
was fastened. He raised his kite during a thunder-storm ; 
and, on presenting his knuckle to the key, he received a 
strong spark. Afterward, in repeating these experiments, 
he collected the fluid thus obtained and confined it in bottles 
and jars. This circumstance gave rise to the following anec- 
dote : 

While he was about being presented to the king as an 
ambassador to the English court, a lady, observing his plain 
appearance, inquired who that gentleman was in such a 
homely dress. The gentleman on whose arm she was lean- 
ing remarked, " That, madam, is Benjamin Franklin, the am- 
bassador from North America." " The North American am- 
bassador so shabbily dressed !" exclaimed the lady. " Hush, 
madam, for Heaven's sake," whispered the gentleman, " he 
is the man who bottles up thunder and lightning." 

Sir Isaac Newton. — " I do not know," said this great 
philosopher a little before his death, " what I may appear to 
the world ; but to myself I seem to have been only as a boy 
playing on the seashore, and diverting myself in now and 
then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than or- 
dinary, while the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered 
before me." 



Characteristics of Bayle. — To know Bayle as a man, 
we must not study him in the folio life of Des Maiseaux ; 
whose laborious pencil, without colour and without expres- 
sion, loses in its indistinctness the individualizing strokes of 
the portrait. Look for Bayle in his " Letters," those true 
chronicles of a literary man, when they solely record his 
own pursuits. 

The personal character of Bayle was unblemished even 
by calumny ; his executor, Basnage, never could mention 
him without tears ! With simplicity which approached to 
an infantine nature, but with the fortitude of a stoic, our lit- 
erary philosopher, from his earliest days, dedicated himself 
to literature ; the great sacrifice consisted of those two main 
objects of human pursuits, fortune and a family. Many an 
ascetic, who has headed an order, has not so religiously ab- 



30 ANECDOTES. 

stained from all worldly interests ; yet let us not imagine that 
there was a sullenness in his stoicism ; an icy misanthropy 
which shuts up the heart from its ebb and flow. His domes- 
tic affections through life were fervid. When his mother de- 
sired to receive his portrait, he sent her a picture of his 
heart ! Early in life the mind of Bayle was strengthening 
itself by a philosophical resignation to all human events ! 

" I am indeed of a disposition neither to fear bad fortune 
nor to have very ardent desires for good. Yet I lose this 
steadiness and indifference when I reflect that your love to 
me makes you feel for everything that happens to me. It 
is, therefore, from the consideration that my misfortunes 
would be a torment to you, that I wish to be happy ; and 
when I think that my happiness would be all your joy, I 
should lament that my bad fortune should continue to per- 
secute me ; though, as to my own particular interest, I dare 
promise to myself that I shall never be very much affected 
by it." 

Imitators. — Seneca, in his 114th epistle, gives a curi- 
ous literary anecdote of that sort of imitation by which an 
inferior mind becomes the monkey of an original writer. At 
Rome, when Sallust was the fashionable writer, short sen- 
tences, uncommon words, and an obscure brevity were af- 
fected as so many elegances. Arruntius, who wrote the 
history of the Punic Wars, painfully laboured to imitate 
Sallust. Expressions which are rare in Sallust are frequent 
in Arruntius, and, of course, without the motive that induced 
Sallust to adopt them. What rose naturally under the pen 
of the great historian, the minor one must have run after with 
a ridiculous anxiety. Seneca adds several instances of the 
servile affectation of Arruntius, which seems much like those 
we once had of Johnson, by the undiscerning herd of his 
monkeys. 

One cannot but smile at these imitators ; we have abound- 
ed with them. In the days of Churchill, every month pro- 
duced an effusion which tolerably imitated his rough and 
slovenly versification, his coarse invective, and his careless 
mediocrity ; but the genius remained with the English Ju- 
venal. Sterne had his countless multitude, and in Fielding's 
time, Tom Jones produced more bastards in wit than the 
author could ever suspect. To such literary echoes, the 
reply of Philip of Macedon to one who prided himself on 
imitating the notes of the nightingale may be applied : " I 
prefer the nightingale herself '" Even the most successful of 



GENIUS. 31 

this imitating tribe must be doomed to share the fate of Sil- 
ius ltalicus in his cold imitation of Virgil, and Cawthorne in 
his empty harmony of Pope. 

To all these imitators I must apply an Arabian anecdote. 
Ebn Saad, one of Mohammed's amanuenses, when writing 
what the prophet dictated, cried out by way of admiration, 
" Blessed be God, the best creator !" Mohammed approved 
of the expression, and desired him to write those words down 
also as part of the inspired passage. The consequence was, 
that Ebn Saad began to think himself as great a prophet as 
the master, and took upon himself to imitate the Koran ac- 
cording to his fancy; but the imitator got himself into 
trouble, and only escaped with his life by falling on his knees, 
and solemnly swearing he would never again imitate the 
Koran, for which he was sensible God had never created him. 



Poets, Philosophers, and Artists made by Accident. 
—Accident has frequently occasioned the most eminent ge- 
niuses to display their powers. " It was at Rome," says 
Gibbon, " on the fifteenth of October, seventeen hundred and 
sixty-four, as I sat musing amid the ruins of the capitol, while 
the barefooted friars were singing vespers in the Temple of 
Jupiter, that the idea of writing the decline and fall of the 
city first started to my mind." 

Father Malebranche, having completed his studies in phi- 
losophy and theology without any other intention than de- 
voting himself to some religious order, little expected the 
celebrity his works acquired for him. Loitering in an idle 
hour in the shop of a bookseller, and turning over a parcel 
of books, V Homme de Descartes fell into his hands. Hav- 
ing dipped into some parts, he read with such delight, that 
the palpitations of his heart compelled him to lay the vol- 
ume down. It was this circumstance that produced those 
profound contemplations which made him the Plato of his 
age. 

Cowley became a poet by accident. In his mother's 
apartment he found, when very young, Spenser's Fairy 
Queen ; and, by a continual study of poetry, he became so 
enchanted of the muse that he grew irrecoverably a poet. 

Dr. Johnson informs us that Sir Joshua Reynolds had the 
first fondness of his art excited by the perusal of Richard- 
son's Treatise. 

Vaucanson displayed an uncommon genius for mechanics. 
His taste was first determined by an accident ; when young, 
he frequently attended his mother to the residence of her 



32 ANECDOTES. 

confessor; and while she wept with repentance, he wept 
with weariness ! In this state of disagreeable vacation, says 
Helvetius, he was struck with the uniform motion of the 
pendulum of the clock in the hall. His curiosity was roused ; 
he approached the clockcase and studied its mechanism; 
what he could not discover he guessed at. He then pro- 
jected a similar machine ; and gradually his genius produced 
a clock. Encouraged by this first success, he proceeded in 
his various attempts ; and the genius which thus could form 
a clock, in time formed a fluting automaton. 

" If Shakspeare's imprudence had not obliged him to quit 
his wool-trade and his town ; if he had not engaged with a 
company of actors, and at length, disgusted with being an 
indifferent performer, had not turned author, the prudent 
woolseller had never been the celebrated poet." 

" Corneille loved ; he made verses for his mistress, be- 
came a poet, composed Melite, and afterward his other cele- 
brated works. The discreet Corneille had remained a law- 
yer." 

" Thus it is that the devotion of a mother, the death of 
Cromwell, deer-stealing, the exclamation of an old man, and 
the beauty of woman, have given five illustrious characters 
to Europe." 

We owe the great discovery of Newton to a very trivial 
accident. When a student at Cambridge, he had retired 
during the time of the plague into the country. As he was 
reading under an apple-tree, one of the fruit fell, and struck 
him a smart blow on the head. When he observed the small- 
ness of the apple, he was surprised at the force of the stroke. 
This led him to consider the accelerating motion of falling 
bodies ; from whence he deduced the principle of gravity, 
and laid the foundation of his philosophy. 

Dr. Franklin attributes the cast of his genius to a similar 
accident. " I found a work of De Foe's, entitled an ' Essay 
on Projects,' from which, perhaps, I derived impressions that 
have since influenced some of the principal events of my 
life." 

Flamstead was an astronomer by accident. He was taken 
from school on account of his illness, when Sacrobosco's 
book De Sphaera having been lent to him, he was so pleased 
with it that he immediately began a course of astronomic 
studies. Pennant's first propensity to natural history was 
the pleasure he received from an accidental perusal of Wil- 
loughby's work on birds ; the same accident, of finding on 
the table of his professor Reaumur's History of Insects, of 



LITERARY. 33 

which he read more than he attended to the lecture, and hav- 
ing been refused the loan, gave such an instant turn to the 
mind of Bonnet, that he hastened to obtain a copy, but found 
many difficulties in procuring this costly work ; its posses- 
sion gave an unalterable direction to his future life ; this natu- 
ralist, indeed, lost the use of his sight by his devotion to the 
microscope. 

Mad Authors. — The conversation turning one day, in the 
presence of Fontenelle, on the marks of originality in the 
works of Father Castel, well known to the scientific world 
for his " Vrai Systeme de Physique generale de Newton ;" 
some person observed, " But he is mad." " I know it," re- 
turned Fontenelle, " and I am very sorry for it, for it is a 
great pity. But I like him better for being original and a 
little mad, than I should if he were in his senses without be- 
ing original." 

When Nathaniel Lee, commonly called the mad poet, was 
confined, during four years of his short life, in Bedlam, a 
sane idiot of a scribbler mocked his calamity, and observed 
that it was easy to write like a madman. Lee answered, 
" No, sir, it is not so easy to write like a madman, but very 
easy to write like a fool." 



Eminent Persons raised from Low Stations. — This 
section, perhaps, will not be found superfluous when we con- 
sider that its tendency is to encourage merit obscured by 
indigent circumstances, and to suppress pride and vanity in 
any who, though arrived at the summit of prosperity, have 
forgotten the humble valley through which they once tra- 
versed. 

Archbishop Abbot was educated and maintained by public 
charity. 

Tillotson's father was a weaver, and does not appear to 
have been in circumstances sufficient to provide for his son. 

Pope Sixtus V. — Pope Sixtus V., while he was a boy 
keeping a neighbour's hogs, a Franciscan friar, who had lost 
his way, applied to him for direction, which he gave with so 
good a grace, and at the same time offered his services so 
earnestly to attend him as a waiting-boy provided he would 
teach him to read, that the friar took him home to his con- 
vent. Such was his first step to the road of preferment, 
which he pursued so steadily that he was admitted to make 
his profession at fourteen years of age ; was ordained a priest 

E 



34 ANECDOTES. 

by the name of Father Montalto, and at last arrived at the 
honour of the popedom. 

On his elevation to the tiara, he used to say, in contempt 
of the pasquinades that were made upon his birth, that he 
was domus natus illustri, born of an illustrious house ; be- 
cause the sunbeams, passing through the broken walls and 
ragged roof, illustrated every corner of his father's hut. The 
poor people of Italy, till of late, have been accustomed to 
excite in their children an application to study by relating 
to them the story of this pope. 

Pope Benedict XII. — Pope Benedict XII. was the son 
of a miller, whence he came to be called the White Cardi- 
nal He never forgot his former conditio"!] ; and when he 
was upon marrying his neice, he refused to give her to the 
great lord who sued for her, and married her to a tradesman. 



Primaslaus.— Libussa, princess of Bohemia, first enno- 
bled and then married Primaslaus, who before was a plain 
husbandman. In remembrance of his former condition, he 
preserved a pair of wooden shoes. Being asked the cause 
of his doing so, he made the following answer: "I have 
brought these shoes with me for the purpose of setting them 
up as a monument in the Castle of Visegrade, and of exhib- 
iting them to my successors, that all may know that the first 
prince of Bohemia was called to his high dignity from the 
cart and the plough ; and that I myself, who am elevated to 
a crown, may bear constantly in mind that I have nothing 
whereof to be proud." 

Perseverance. — When Dr. Franklin walked into Phila- 
delphia with a roll of bread in his hand, little did he think 
what a contrast his after-life would exhibit ; and yet, by per- 
severance and industry, he placed himself at the tables of 
princes, and became a chief pillar in the councils of his 
country. The simple journeyman, eating his roll in the 
street, lived to become a philosopher and a statesman, and to 
command the respect of his country and of mankind. What 
a lesson for youth ! 

Prideaux. — John Prideaux, bishop of Worcester, was 
originally very poor. Before he applied himself to learning, 
he stood candidate for the office of parish clerk at Ugborow, 
in Devonshire, and, to his great mortification, another was 
chosen into that place. Such was his poverty on his first 



LITERARY. 35 

coming to Oxford, that he was employed in servile offices i» 
the kitchen of Exeter College for his support. He has beer 
often heard to say, that if he had been elected clerk of Ug. 
borow he should never have been a bishop. He was so far 
from being ashamed of his former poverty, that he kept the 
leather breeches which he wore at Oxford as a memorial or 
-t. He died 29th July, 1650, aged seventy-two. 

The poor Student in Danger. — Bishop Home, when 
a student, was very desirous of purchasing the Hebrew Con- 
cordance of Marius de Calasio ; but, not knowing how to 
purchase it out of his allowance, or to ask his father in plain 
terms to make him a present of it, he told him the following 
story, and left the moral of it to speak for itself. 

In the last age, when Bishop Walton's Polyglot was first 
published, there was at Cambridge a Mr. Edwards, passion- 
ately fond of Oriental learning, who afterward went by the 
name of Rabbi Edwards : he was a good man and a good 
scholar ; but, being rather young in the University, and not 
very rich, Walton's great work was far above his pocket. 
Nevertheless, not being able to sleep well without it, he sold 
his bed and some of his furniture, and made the purchase ; 
in consequence of which he was obliged to sleep in a large 
chest, originally made to hold his clothes. But getting into 
his chest one night rather incautiously, the lid of it, which 
had a bolt with a spring, fell down upon him, and locked 
him in past recovery ; and there he lay wellnigh smothered 
to death. In the morning, Edwards, who was always an 
exact man, not appearing, it was wondered what had become 
of him ; till, at last, his bedmaker, or the person who, in 
better time, had been his bedmaker, being alarmed, went to 
his chambers time enough to release him ; and, the accident 
getting air, came to the ears of his friends, who soon re- 
deemed his bed for him. This story Mr. Home told his 
father, and it had the desired effect. 

His father immediately sent him the money, for which 
he returned him abundant thanks, promising to repay him in 
the only possible way, viz., that of usirlg the books to the 
best advantage. They were, without question, diligently 
turned over while he worked at his Commentary on the 
Psalms, and yielded him no small assistance. 

Franklin's first Entrance into Philadelphia. — I 
have entered into the particulars of my voyage, and shall, in 
like manner describe my first entrance into this city, that 



36 ANECDOTES. 

you may be able to compare beginnings so little auspicious 
with the figure I have since made. » 

On my arrival at Philadelphia I was in my working dress, 
my best clothes being to come by sea. I was covered with 
dirt ; my pockets were filled with shirts and stockings ; I 
was unacquainted with a single soul in the place, and knew 
not where to seek a lodging. Fatigued with walking, row- 
ing, and having passed the night without sleep, I was ex- 
tremely hungry, and all my money consisted of a Dutch 
dollar and about a shilling's worth of coppers, which I gave 
to the boatmen for my passage. As I had assisted them in 
rowing, they refused it at first, but I insisted on their taking 
it. A man is sometimes more generous when he has little 
than when he has much money ; probably because, in the 
first case, he is desirous of concealing his poverty. 

I walked towards the top of the street, looking eagerly on 
both sides, till I came to Market-street, where I met with a 
child with a loaf of bread. Often had I made my dinner on 
dry bread. I inquired where he had bought it, and went 
straight to the baker's shop, which he pointed out to me. I 
asked for some biscuits, expecting to find such as we had at 
Boston ; but they made, it seems, none of that sort at Phil- 
adelphia. I then asked for a threepenny loaf. They made 
no loaves of that price. Finding myself ignorant of the 
prices as well as of the different kinds of bread, I desired 
him to let me have threepenny-worth of bread of some kind 
or other. He gave me three large rolls. I was surprised 
at receiving so much : I took them, however, and, having 
no room in my pockets, I walked on with a roll under each 
arm, eating a third. In this manner I went through Market- 
street to Fourth-street, and passed the house of Mr. Read, 
the father of my future wife. She was standing at the door, 
observed me, and thought, with reason, that I made a very 
singular and grotesque appearance. 

I then turned the corner and went through Chestnut-street, 
eating my roll all the way ; and, having made this round, I 
found myself again on Market-street wharf, near the boat in 
which I arrived. I stepped into it to take a draught of the 
river water; and, finding myself satisfied with my first roll, 
I gave the other two to a woman and her child, who had 
come down with us in the boat, and was waiting to continue 
her journey. Thus refreshed, I regained the street, which 
was now full of well-dressed people, all going the same way. 
I joined them, and was thus led to a large Quaker meeting- 
house near the market-place. 1 sat down with the rest, and, 



LITERARY. 37 

after looking round me for some time, hearing nothing said, 
and being drowsy from my last night's labour and want of 
rest, I fell into a sound sleep. In this state I continued till 
the assembly dispersed, when one of the congregation had 
the goodness to wake me. This was consequently the first 
house I entered, or in which I slept, at Philadelphia. 

Hunter and Cullen. — The celebrated Dr. William 
Hunter and Dr. Cullen formed a copartnership of as singular 
and laudable a kind as is to be found in the annals of science. 
Being natives of the same part of the country, and neither 
of them in affluent circumstances, these two young men, 
stimulated by the impulse of genius to prosecute their medi- 
cal studies with ardour, but thwarted by the narrowness of 
their fortune, entered into partnership as surgeons and apoth- 
ecaries in the country. The chief object of their contract 
being to furnish each of the parties with the means of pros- 
ecuting their medical studies, which they could not separ- 
ately so well enjoy, it was stipulated that one of them, alter- 
nately, should be allowed to study in what college he pleased 
during the winter, while the other should carry on the busi- 
ness in the country for their common advantage. In con- 
sequence of this agreement, Cullen was first allowed to study 
in the University of Edinburgh for one winter ; but when it 
came to Hunter's turn next winter, he preferring London to 
Edinburgh, went thither. There his singular neatness in 
dissecting and uncommon dexterity in making anatomical 
preparations, his assiduity in study and amiable manners, 
soon recommended him to the notice of Dr. Douglas, who 
then read lectures upon anatomy in London. Hunter was 
engaged as an assistant, and afterward filled the chair itself 
with honour. The scientific partnership was by this means 
prematurely dissolved. 



Samuel Drew, Author of the Essay on the Immaterial- 
ity and. Immortality of the Soul. — " My master was by trade 
a saddler, had acquired some knowledge of bookbinding, and 
hired me to carry on the shoemaking for him. He was one 
of those men who will live anywhere, but will get rich no- 
where. His shop was frequented by persons of a more re- 
spectable class than those with whom I had previously as- 
sociated, and various topics became alternately the subjects 
of conversation. In cases of uncertain issue I was some- 
times appealed to to decide upon a doubtful point. This, 
perhaps, flattering my vanity, became a new stimulus to ac- 



3b ANECDOTES. 

tion. I examined dictionaries, picked up many words, and 
from an attachment which I felt to books which were occa- 
sionally brought to the shop to be bound, I began to have 
some view of the various theories with which they abounded. 
The more I read, the more I felt my own ignorance ; and 
the more I felt my own ignorance, the more invincible be- 
came my energy to surmount it. Every leisure moment 
was now employed in reading one thing or another. As I 
had to support myself by manual labour, my time for read- 
ing was but little, and to overcome the disadvantage, my 
usual method was to place a book before me while at meat, 
and at every repast I read five or six pages. Although the 
providence of God has raised me above this incessant toil, 
when I could ' barely earn enough to make life struggle,' 
yet it has become so habitual that the custom has not for- 
saken me at the present moment. 

" During my literary pursuits, I regularly and constantly 
attended on my business, and do not recollect that one cus- 
tomer was ever disappointed by me through these means. 
My mode of writing and study may have in them, perhaps, 
something peculiar. Immersed in the common concerns of 
life, I endeavour to lift my thoughts to objects more sublime 
than those with which I am surrounded, and while attending 
to my trade I sometimes catch the fibres of an argument 
which I endeavour to note, and keep a pen and ink by me 
for that purpose. In this state, what I can collect through 
the day remains on any paper which I have at hand till the 
business of the day is despatched and my shop shut, when, 
in the midst of my family, I endeavour to analyze in the 
evening such thoughts as had crossed my mind during the 
day. I have no study, I have no retirement. I write amid 
the cries and cradles of my children, and frequently, when 
I review what I have written, endeavour to cultivate ' the 
art to blot.' Such are the methods which I have pursued, 
and such the disadvantages under which I write." 

His usual seat, after closing the business of the day, was 
a low nursing-chair beside the kitchen fire. Here, with the 
bellows on his knees for a desk, and the usual culinary and 
domestic matters in progress around him, his works, prior to 
1805, were chiefly written. 

Dr. Johnson. — Soon after the publication of the Life ol 
Savage, which was anonymous, Mr. Walter Harte dining 
with Mr. Cave, the projector of the Gentleman's Magazine, 
at St. John's Gate, took occasion to speak very handsomely 



LITERARY. 39 

of the work. The next time Cave met Harte, he told him 
that he had made a man very happy the other day at his 
house by the encomiums he bestowed on the author of Sav- 
age's life. " How could that be ?" says Harte ; " none 
were present but you and I." Cave replied, "You might 
observe I sent a plate of victuals behind the screen. There 
skulked the biographer, one Johnson, whose dress was so 
shabby that he durst not make his appearance. He over* 
heard our conversation, and your applauding his perform- 
ance delighted him exceedingly." 



FEMALES, ANECDOTES OF. 

Learned Females. — Ladies have sometimes distin- 
guished themselves as prodigies of learning. 

Queen Elizabeth, by a double translating of Greek without 
missing every forenoon, and of Latin every afternoon, at- 
tained to such a perfect understanding in both tongues, and 
to such a ready utterance of Latin, and that with such judg- 
ment, as there were few in either of the universities or else- 
where in England that were comparable to her. 



Lady Jane Grey. — Of Lady Jane Grey it is said, that 
beside her skill in the Latin and Greek languages, she was 
acquainted with the Hebrew also, so as to be able to satisfy 
herself in both the originals. 

Mary Cunitz. — Mary Cunitz, one of the greatest ge- 
niuses in the sixteenth century, was born in Silesia. She 
learned languages with amazing facility, and understood Po- 
lish, German, French, Italian, Latin, Greek, and Hebrew. 
She attained a knowledge of the sciences with equal ease ; 
she was skilled in history, physic, poetry, painting, music, 
and playing upon instruments ; and yet these were only an 
amusement. She more particularly applied herself to the 
mathematics, and especially to astronomy, which she made 
her principal study, and was ranked in the number of the 
most able astronomers of her time. Her astronomical tables 
acquired her a prodigious reputation. 

Margaret. — Margaret, duchess of Newcastle, if not a 
learned, is known, at least, as a voluminous writer, for she 
extended her literary productions to the number of twelve 
folio volumes. 



40 ANECDOTES 

A. M. Schurman. — Anna Maria Schurman was born in 
the year 1607. Her extraordinary genius discovered itself 
at six years of age, when she cut all sorts of figures in 
paper with her scissors without a pattern. At eight she 
learned, in a few days, to draw flowers in a very agreeable 
manner. At ten she took but three hours to learn embroid- 
ery. Afterward she was taught music, vocal and instru- 
mental, painting, sculpture, and engraving ; in all which she 
succeeded admirably. She excelled in miniature painting 
and in cutting portraits upon glass with a diamond. Hebrew 
Greek, and Latin were so familiar to her that the most 
learned men were astonished at it. She spoke French, Ital- 
ian, and English fluently. Her handwriting, in almost all 
languages, was so inimitable, that the curious preserved 
specimens of it in their cabinets. 

C. Grierson. — Constantia Grierson, born of poor parents 
in the county of Kilkenny, in Ireland, was one of the most 
learned women on record, though she died at the age of 
twenty-seven, in 1733. She was an excellent Greek and 
Latin scholar, and understood history, divinity, philosophy, 
and mathematics. She proved her skill in Latin by her 
dedication of the Dublin edition of Tacitus to Lord Carteret, 
and by that of Terence to his son ; to whom she also ad- 
dressed a Greek epigram. 

Mary. — Mary, queen of Scots, at an early period, is said 
to have pronounced with great applause before the whole 
court a Latin harangue, in which she proved that it was not 
unbecoming the fair sex to cultivate letters and to acquire 
learning. She applied also, with great success, to the study 
of the French, Italian, and Spanish, which she spoke not 
only with propriety, but with fluency and ease. 

These instances are not selected to imply that a learned 
education ought to be given to females in general. They 
are sufficient, however, I think, to decide the controversy 
respecting the intellectual talents of women compared with 
those of men ; enough to prove that there are radical powers 
in the female sex as well as the male. 

Let me press upon my fair readers to study plans of use- 
fulness, both as to the body and the mind, so that their fam- 
ilies, their neighbours, their friends, their country, may be 
the better for them. " While others are weightily engaged 
in catching a fashion or adjusting a curl, let the object of 
your cultivation be the understanding, the memory, the will, 



LITERARY. 41 

the affections, the conscience. Let no part of this internal 
creation be unadorned ; let it sparkle with the diamonds of 
wisdom, of prudence, of humility, of gentleness. These or- 
naments alone will confer dignity and prepare for usefulness." 

Useful Females. — It is said of the wife of the learned 
Budaeus, that, so far from drawing him from his studies, she 
was sedulous to animate him when he languished. Ever at 
his side, and ever assiduous, ever with some useful book in 
her hand, she acknowledged herself to be a most happy wo- 
man. Budseus was not insensible of his singular felicity : 
he called her the faithful companion, not of his life only, but 
of his studies. 



It is said of Queen Mary II., that she ordered good books 
to be laid in the places of attendance, that persons might 
not be idle while they were in their turns of service. She. 
gave her minutes of leisure to architecture and gardening ; 
and since it employed many hands, she said she hoped it 
would be forgiven her. 

A young girl was presented to James I. as an English 
prodigy, because she was deeply learned. The person who 
introduced her boasted of her proficiency in ancient lan- 
guages. " I can assure your majesty," said he, " that she 
can both speak and write Latin, Greek, and Hebrew." 
" These are rare attainments for a damsel," said James ; 
" but, pray tell me, can she spin ?" 

Intrepid Enterprise. — It was to a woman that Europe 
was first indebted for the introduction of inoculation for the 
smallpox, originally a benefit of the greatest consequence. 
When Lady Mary Wortley Montague resided at Constanti- 
nople with her husband, who was ambassador to the Otto- 
man court, the practice of inoculation was universal through- 
out the Turkish dominions. Lady Mary examined into the 
practice with such attention as to become perfectly satisfied 
of its efficacy, and gave the most intrepid and convincing 
proof of her belief, in 1717, by inoculating her own son, who 
was then about three years of age. Mr. Maitland, who had 
attended the embassy in a medical character, first endeav- 
oured to establish the practice in London, and was encour- 
aged by Lady Mary's patronage. In 1721 the experiment 
was successfully tried on some criminals. With so much 
ardour did Lady Mary, on her return, enforce this salutary 

F 



42 ANECDOTES. 

innovation among mothers of her own rank, that, as we find 
in her letters, much of her time was necessarily dedicated to 
various consultations, and to the superintendence of the suc- 
cess of her plan. In 1722 she had a daughter of six years 
old inoculated, who was afterward Countess of Bute ; and, 
in a short time, the children of the royal family that had not 
had the smallpox underwent the same operation with suc- 
cess ; the nobility soon followed the example, and the prac- 
tice thus gradually extended among all ranks and to all 
countries, in spite of many strong prejudices which it had to 
encounter. 



Mrs. Montague. — -Many years after Mrs. Montague's 
celebrated " Dialogues of the Dead" had received the appro- 
bation of all persons of critical taste, it fell into the hands of 
Cowper the poet, who, after reading it, thus wrote to one 
of his correspondents : " I no longer wonder that Mrs. Mon- 
tague stands at the head of all that is called learned, and 
that every critic veils his bonnet to her superior judgment ; 
the learning, the sound judgment, and the wit displayed in 
it fully justify, not only my compliment, but all compliments 
that either have already been paid to her talents or shall be 
paid hereafter." 

Mrs. Frances Sheridan. — This lady, who had the hon 
our of giving birth to that eloquent orator and able dramatist, 
Richard Brinsley Sheridan, was also distinguished for her 
literary attainments. Her first literary performance was a 
pamphlet, during the time in which Mr. Sheridan was en- 
gaged in a theatrical dispute with the public in Dublin. The 
pamphlet being well written, and rendering Mr. Sheridan an 
essential service, he became anxious to know to whom he 
was indebted for so able a defence ; after some inquiries he 
found this out, got introduced to the lady, and soon after 
married her. 



IGNORANCE. 

Adam Clarke. — One ludicrous circumstance, relative to 
an invitation to breakfast, I may here mention. After Mr. 
Clarke had preached one morning at five o'clock, a young 
woman of the society came to him and said, "Sir, will 
you do me the favour to breakfast, with me this morn- 



LITERARY. 43 

ing ? I breakfast always at eight o'clock." / thank you, 
said he, but I know not where you live. " Oh," said she, " I 

live in street, near Maudlin gate, No. — ." i" do not 

know the place. " Well, but you cannot well miss it, after 
the directions I shall give you." Very well. "You must 
cross Cherry Lane, and go on to the Quaker preaching- 
house : do you know it ?" Yes. u Well, then leave the 
Quaker preaching-house on the left hand, and go down that 
lane till you come to the bottom ; and then, on your right 
hand, you will see a door that appears to lead into a garden, 
with an inscription over it : can you read ? n Yes, a little. 
" Well, then the board will direct you so and so, and you can- 
not then miss." Thank you : I shall endeavour to be with 
you at the time appointed. " I went," said Mr. Clark, " and 
because I had the happiness of being able to read, I found 
out my way." 

This little anecdote will serve to show, that in those times 
the Methodists could not expect much from their ministers, 
as it appears they thought it possible they might have some 
that could not read their Bible ! Howsoever illiterate they 
may have been deemed, it may be safely asserted that no in- 
stance is on record of an itinerant preacher among the Metho- 
dists being unable to read his Bible. Many, it is true, of the 
original preachers could read but indifferently : and I have 
known several of the clergy who did not excel even in this : 
;md I have known one who, in reading 2 Kings xix., made 
three unsuccessful trials to pronounce the word Sennacherib 
— Sennacrib, Sennacherub, and terminated with Snatch- 
crab ! But such swallows make no summers, and should 
never be produced as instances from which the general 
character of a class or body of men should be deduced. 
The time is long past since men in any department of life 
have been prized on account of their ignorance. 



A Learned Discovery. — Among the discoveries of the 
learned which have amused mankind, the following instance 
merits a conspicuous rank. Some years ago there were sev- 
eral large elm-trees in the College Garden, behind the Ec- 
clesiastical Court, Doctors' Commons, in which a number of 
rooks had taken up their abode, forming in appearance a sort 
of convocation of aerial ecclesiastics. A young gentleman 
who lodged in an attic, and was their close neighbour, fre- 
quently entertained himself with thinning this covey of black 
game by means of a crossbow. On the opposite side lived 
a curious old civilian, who, observing from his study that the 



14 ANECDOTES. 

rooks had often dropped senseless from their perch, no sign 
beiflg made to his vision to account for the phenomenon, set 
lus wits to work to consider the cause. It was probably 
during a profitless time of peace ; and the doctor, having 
plenty of leisure, weighed the matter over and over, till he 
was at length satisfied that he had made a great ornithologi- 
cal discovery. He actually wrote a treatise, stating circum- 
stantially what he himself had seen, and in conclusion giving 
II fes the settled conviction of his mind that rooks were sub- 
ject to epilepsy ! 

A Water Quack. — In the year 1728, one Villars told 
his friends in confidence that his uncle, who had lived al- 
most a hundred years, and who died only by accident, had 
left him a certain preparation, which had the virtue to pro- 
long a man's life to a hundred and fifty years, if he lived 
with sobriety, When he happened to observe the proces- 
sion ci a funeral, he shrugged up his shoulders in pity. "If 
the deceased." said he. "had taken my medicine, he would 
no: bo where he is." His friends, among whom he distrib- 
uted it generously, observing the condition required, found 
its utility, and extolled it. He w^as thence encouraged to 
sell it at a crown the bottle ; and the sale was prodigious. It 
was no more than the water of the Seine, mixed with a little 
nitre. Those who made use of it, and w T ere attentive at the 
same time to the regimen, or who w'ere happy in good con- 
stitutions, soon recovered their usual health. To others he 
observed, " It is your own fault if you are not perfectly 
cured ; you have been intemperate and incontinent; renounce 
these vices, and. believe me. yon will live at least a hun- 
dred and fifty years." Some of them took his advice, and 
his wealth grew with his reputation. The Abbe Pones ex- 
tolled this quack, and gave him the preference to the Maris- 
chal de Villars ; M the latter.'" savs he. u kills men. the former 
prolongs their existence." At length it was discovered that 
Villars S medicine was composed chiefly of river water; his 
practice was now at an end: men had recourse to other 
quad 

Villars was certainly of no disservice to his patients, and 
can only be reproached with selling the water of the Seme 
at too high a price. 



Titles. — Several years ago there was a young English 
nobleman figuring awav at Washington. He had not much 
brains, but a vast number of titles, which, notwithstanding 



LITERARY. 45 

our pretended dislike to them, have sometimes the effect of 
tickling the ear amazingly. Several ladies were in debate, 
going over the list; he is Lord Viscount so and so, Baron 
of such a county, &c. " My fair friends," exclaimed the 
gallant Lieutenant N., " one of his titles you appear to have 
forgotten." " Ah," exclaimed they, eagerly, " what is that ?" 
" He is Barren, of Intellect," was the reply. 

Tyrants the Enemies of Knowledge. — Sir William 
Berkeley, who was governor of Virginia thirty-eight years, in 
his answer to the inquiries of the lords of the committee for 
the colonies in 1G71, sixty-four years after the settlement of 
the province, says, "I thank God we have not free-schools 
nor printing, and I hope we shall not have these hundred 
years ; for learning has brought disobedience, and heresy, 
and sects into the world ; and printing has divulged them, 
and libels against the government. God keep us from both." 
Lord Effingham, who was appointed governor in 1683, was 
ordered expressly "to allow no person to use a printing- 
press on any occasion whatsoever ;" and, though no act of 
the legislature can be found prohibiting the press in Vir- 
ginia, such was the influence of the governors as to be suf- 
ficient without it ; for, until 17G6, there was but one printing- 
bffice in the colony, and that was supposed to be entirely un- 
der the control of the governor. 



Learned Quack. {By Billy Ilibbard). — A lady who 
was much afflicted, and who had been attended by several 
physicians to no purpose, was persuaded by her friends to 
call in the learned quack ; so he came, and, after feeling the 
pulse a while, the sick woman said, " Well, doctor, do you 
know my case ?" " Oh, yes, mem, it is a plain case." 
" Well, doctor, what is it ?" " Why, mem, it is a scrutanu- 
tory case." " Scrutanutory case, doctor ; pray, what is 
that ?" " It's a dropping of the nerves, mem." " Dropping 
of the nerves, doctor; what's that?" "Why, mem, the 
numnaticals drop down into the fizer-inctum., and the head 
goes tizer-rizer, tizer-rizer? "Ah, doctor, you have hit 
my case ; it is just so with me." 



Self-knowledge. — Self-knowledge was considered, 
even by the heathens, as so indispensably necessary, that it 
was a motto engraved on one of their temples, " Know thy- 
self /" Thus they made the stones cry out of the wall to 
every one who entered, that, without this important acquisi- 
tion, he was a vain worshipper. 



46 ANECDOTES. 

A young man of more vanity than prudence once told 
Robert Hall that he intended to refute a certain book which 
was much admired by the latter. " You attack that author !" 
exclaimed the indignant Hall ; " a fly take wing against an 
archangel !" 



Farmer's Son. — A rich farmer's son who had been bred 
at the university, coming home to visit his father and mother, 
they being at supper on a couple of fowls, he told them that 
by logic and arithmetic he could prove those two fowls to 
be three. "Well, let us hear," said the old man. "Why, 
this," said the scholar, " is one, and this," continued he, " is 
two ; two and one, you know, make three." ?' Since you 
have made it out so well," answered the old man, " your 
mother shall have the first fowl, I will have the second, and 
the third you may keep to yourself for your great learning." 

Arrogant Collegiate. — Nothing is more ridiculous 
than to boast of advantages of education which have not 
been improved. A young clergyman in America was lately 
boasting among his relations of having been educated at two 
colleges, Harvard and Cambridge. " You remind me," said 
an aged divine present, " of an instance I knew of a calf 
that sucked two cows." "What was the consequence?" 
said a third person. " Why, sir," replied the old gentleman, 
very gravely, " the consequence was that he was a very 
great calf" 

Lieutenant-governor Phillips. — Many years since, 
when the late Lieutenant-governor Phillips, of Andover, 
Massachusetts, was a student at Harvard College, owing to 
some boyish freak, he left the university and went home. 
His father was a grave man, of sound mind, strict judgment, 
and of few words. He inquired into the business, but de- 
ferred expressing any opinion until the next day. At break- 
fast he said, speaking to his wife, " My dear, have you any 
towcloth in the house suitable to make Sam a frock and 
trousers." She replied, " Yes." " Well," said the old gen- 
tleman, " follow me, my son." Samuel kept pace with his 
father as he leisurely walked near the common, and at length 
ventured to ask, " What are you going to do with me, fa- 
ther ?" " I am going to bind you an apprentice to that black- 
smith," replied Mr. Phillips. " Take your choice ; return 
to college, or you must work." " I had rather return," said 
the son. He did return, confessed his fault, was a good 



LITERARY. 47 

scholar, and became a respectable man. If all parents were 
like Mr. Phillips, the students at our colleges would prove 
better students, or the nation would have a plentiful supply 
of blacksmiths. 



Poverty of the Learned. — Fortune has rarely conde- 
scended to be the companion of genius : others find a hun- 
dred by-roads to her palace ; there is but one open, and that 
a very indifferent one, for men of letters. Were we to erect 
an asylum for venerable genius, as we do for the brave and 
the helpless part of our citizens, it might be inscribed a hos- 
pital for incurables ! When even fame will not protect the 
man of genius from famine, charity ought. Nor should such 
an act be considered as a debt incurred by the helpless 
member, but a just tribute we pay in his person to genius 
itself. Even in these enlightened times such have lived in 
obscurity while their reputation was widely spread, and have 
perished in poverty while their works were enriching the 
booksellers. 

Homer, poor and blind, resorted to the public places to 
recite his verses for a morsel of bread. 

The illustrious Cardinal Bentivoglio, the ornament of Italy 
and of literature, languished in his old age in the most dis- 
tressful poverty ; and, having sold his place to satisfy his 
creditors, left nothing behind him but his reputation. 

Our great Milton, as every one knows, sold his immortal 
work for ten pounds to a bookseller, being too poor to under- 
take the printing of it on his own account. 

It is said that Samuel Boyse, whose poem on creation 
ranks high in the scale of poetic excellence, was absolutely 
famished to death; and was found dead in a garret, with a 
blanket thrown over his shoulder, and fastened by a skewer, 
with a pen in his hand. He was buried by the parish. 

Singular Cases of Inability to distinguish Colours. 
— Mr. Harris, a shoemaker at Allonby, was unable from in- 
fancy to distinguish the cherries of a cherry-tree from its 
leaves, in so far as colours were concerned. Two of his 
brothers were equally defective in this respect, and always 
mistook orange for grass green, and light green for yellow. 
Harris himself could only distinguish black from white. 
Mr. Scott, who describes his own case in the " Philosophical 
Transactions," mistook pink for a pale blue, and a full red 
for a full green. All kinds of yellows and blues, except 
sky blue, he could discern with great nicety. His father. 



48 ANECDOTES. 

his maternal uncle, one of his sisters, and her two sons, had 
all the same defect. A tailor at Plymouth, whose case is 
described by Mr. Harvey, regarded the solar spectrum as 
consisting only of yellow and light blue ; and he could dis- 
tinguish with certainty only yellow, white, and green. He 
regarded indigo and Prussian blue as black. — Treatise on 
Optics, by Dr. Brewster — Cabinet Encyclopedia, Vol. XIX. 

Languages of the World. — According to the enumer- 
ation of Professor Adelung, there are in the world three thou- 
sand and sixty-four different languages ; of which five hun- 
dred and eighty-seven are spoken in Europe, nine hundred 
and thirty-seven in Asia, two hundred and seventy-six in 
Africa, and one thousand two hundred and sixty-four in 
America. The professor probably includes in this enumer- 
ation many provincial corruptions of the same general lan- 
guages. 

Amusements of the Learned. — Among the Jesuits it 
was a standing rule of the order, that, after an application to 
study for two hours, the mind of the student should be un- 
bent by some relaxation, however trifling. When Petavius 
was employed in his Dogmata Theologica, a work of the 
most profound and extensive erudition, the great recreation 
of the learned father was at the end of every second hour to 
twirl his chair for five minutes. After protracted studies 
Spinosa would mix with the family-party where he lodged, 
and join in the most trivial conversations, or unbend his 
mind by setting spiders to fight each other; he observed 
their combats with so much interest that he was often seized 
with immoderate fits of laughter. A continuity of labour 
deadens the soul, observes Seneca, in closing his treatise on 
" The Tranquillity of the Soul," and the mind must unbend 
itself by certain amusements. Socrates did not blush to 
play with children ; Cato, over his bottle, found an allevia- 
tion from the fatigues of government ; a circumstance, he 
says in his manner, which rather gives honour to this defect, 
than the defect dishonours Cato. Some men of letters por- 
tioned out their day between repose and labour. Asinius 
Pollio would not suffer any business to occupy him beyond 
a stated hour ; after that time he would not allow any letter 
to be opened during his hours of relaxation, that they might 
not be interrupted by unforeseen labours. In the senate, 
after the tenth hour, it was not allowed to make any new 
motion. 



LITERARY. 49 



INVENTIONS AND DISCOVERIES. 

Franklin — Electricity. — Franklin's celebrated discov- 
ery of the identity of lightning with the electric fire is one 
of the few capital discoveries in science for which we are 
not at all indebted to chance, but to one of those bold and 
happy sketches of thought which distinguish minds of a su- 
perior order. The fact of the power of points to attract the 
electric fluid from a great distance was not unknown to the 
ancients ; but it had quite sunk into oblivion, and the theory 
of this relation occurred to and was proposed by Franklin 
before he had made or known of a single experiment to rec- 
tify it. After it was proposed by Franklin, the first persons 
who put it to the test of experiment were Messrs. Dalabard 
and Delor, who erected an apparatus for the express pur- 
pose ; and were not a little jeered at, especially by the Ab- 
be Nollet, for endangering their philosophical reputation by 
exhibiting themselves, en spectacle, to the world, in the bold 
attempt of drawing down from the clouds the matter of the 
thunderbolt. Messrs. Dalabard and Delor, however, suc- 
ceeded in proving most satisfactorily the truth of Franklin's 
theory ; as did Franklin himself about a month afterward, 
but before he had heard of anything of what they had done. 

Franklin was waiting for the erection of a spire in Phila- 
delphia in order to verify his hypothesis, when it occurred 
to him that, by means of a common kite, he could have a 
readier and easier access to the regions of thunder than by 
any spire whatever. Preparing, therefore, a large silk hand- 
kerchief and two cross sticks on which to extend it, he took 
the opportunity of the first approaching thunderstorm to walk 
into a field in which there was a shed convenient for his 
purpose. But, desirous of avoiding the ridicule which too 
commonly attends unsuccessful attempts in science, he com- 
municated his intended experiment to nobody but his son, 
who assisted him in raising the kite. 

The kite being raised, a considerable time elapsed before 
tnere was any appearance of its being electrified. One very 
promising cloud had passed over it without any effect, when, 
at length, just as he was beginning to despair of his con- 
trivance, he observed some loose threads of the hempen 
string to stand erect and avoid one another just as if they 
had been suspended on a common conductor. Struck with 
this promising appearance, he presented his knuckle to the 
key, when he instantly perceived a very evident electric 

3 



50 ANECDOTES. 

spark. Other sparks succeeded at short intervals ; and, when 
the string became wet with lain, electric lire was collected 
in abundance. The discovery, in short, was complete. 

Dr. Franklin acknowledges that his grand discoveries in 
electricity were owing to Mr. P. Collinson, the botanist. He 
says, "Mr. Collinson transmitted to the Philadelphia Library 
the earliest accounts of every new European improvement 
in agriculture and the arts, and every philosophical discov- 
ery ; among which, in 1745, he sent over an account of the 
new German experiments in electricity, together with a 
glass tube and some directions for using it, so as to repeat 
those experiments. This was the first notice I had of that 
curious subject, which I afterward prosecuted with some 
diligence, being encouraged by the friendly reception he 
gave to the letters I wrote to him." 

Discovery of Galvanism. — This extraordinary agent, 
from its effect on animals, was originally called "animal 
electricity." It received its name from Professor Galvani, 
of Bologna, to whom we are indebted for this discovery, in 
which, however, as in many others, accident had no small 
share. His wife, who was in a declining state of health, 
was using a soup made of frogs as a restorative. Some of 
the animals, being skinned for the purpose, were lying on a 
table in the laboratory, when one of his assistants chanced 
to touch with a scalpel the crural nerve of a frog that lay 
near an electric conductor, upon which the muscles of the 
limb were strongly convulsed. This effect was noticed by 
the lady, a woman of superior understanding and science, 
and communicated to her husband. He repeated the exper- 
iment, which he varied in every possible way, first with arti- 
ficial and then with atmospherical electricity. In the course 
of his experiments with the latter, he suspended some frogs 
by metallic hooks from iron palisades, and observed that the 
muscles were frequently and involuntarily contracted when 
no electricity appeared in the atmosphere. Having fully 
considered the phenomenon, he found that it had no con- 
nexion with the changes in the state of the electricity in the 
atmosphere, but might be produced at pleasure by applying 
two pieces of metal to different parts of the animal, and 
bringing them into contact. 



Early Printing. — There is some probability that this 
art originated in China, where it was practised long before 
it was known in Europe. Some European traveller might 



LITERARY. 51 

have imported the hint. That the Romans did not practise 
the art of printing cannot but excite our astonishment, since 
they really possessed the art, and may be said to have en- 
joyed it unconscious of their rich possession. I have seen 
Roman stereotypes, or printing immoveable types, with which 
they stamped their pottery. How, in daily practising the art, 
though confined to this object, it did not occur to so inge- 
nious a people to print their literary works, is not easily to 
be accounted for. Did the wise and grave senate dread 
those inconveniences which attended its indiscriminate use ? 
Or, perhaps, they did not care to deprive so large a body as 
their scribes of their business. Not a hint of the art itself 
appears in their writings. 

Chronology of Printing. — Previous to the year 1600, 
printing on wooden blocks said to be known in China. 

1400. Playing cards printed from blocks in Europe. 

1440. John Genesteish, surnamed Guttembergh, first 
prints in any alphabetical language from wooden blocks, 
which served only for the work printed. 

1445. John Meydenbuch joins his wealth to the skill of 
Guttembergh and John Faustus, who were the first printers. 

About this time Faustus invents moveable metallic types ; 
receiving assistance from his son-in-law, Peter SchoefTer, who 
devised the puncheons, matrices, and moulds for casting them. 

1462. Faustus prints the Vulgate Bible in two volumes, 
which he sold at first as high as five hundred crowns per 
copy. Having reduced the price to thirty, he was seriously 
adjudged to be in league with the devil, and would have 
been sacrificed for witchcraft had he not explained his art. 

1466. Faustus prints Cicero de Officiis, and soon after dies. 

1473. Greek first printed. 

1474. First printing in England. 

1475. First almanac printed, 

1495. Wilkin de Worde prints the first book on paper 
manufactured in England. 

1499. First work of a geographical nature printed in Spain 
about this time. 

1501. Inquisition at Venice to check the diffusion of 
knowledge by the press. 

1522. Hebrew printed in Germany. 

1531. Gazettes first published in Venice, and so called 
from a coin named gazetta, which was the price of a paper. 

1537. The first book on longitude written by Nonius and 
printed in Portugal. 



52 ANECDOTES. 

1539. The first Bible printed in England. 

1545. The first treatise of navigation, by Medina, printed 
in Spain. 

1564. An alphabet, with instructions for the deaf and 
dumb, printed in Spain. 

1571. Printers in Paris, as a mark of respect, authorized to 
wear swords. 

1576. Book of Diophantine Algebra first printed. 

1588. " English Mercurie," a pamphlet, printed ; the first 
attempt at periodical literature. 

1603. First decimal arithmetic printed in Flanders. 

1612. King James's (the present) version of the Bible, 
which had been seven years in the hands of the translators, 
printed. 

1615. Napier's Logarithms printed. 

1639. Printing at Cambridge, Massachusetts, being the 
first within the present limits of the United States. 

1649. The first code of Russian laws printed. 

1661. The "Public Intelligence," by Sir Robert l'Es- 
tradge, the first newspaper published in England, of which a 
few numbers are still preserved. 

1665. First treatise on ensurance printed. 

1705. The "Boston News Letter," the first paper within 
the limits of the United States, printed by John Campbell, 
a Scotchman. 

1706. Dr. Franklin, the great American printer, philoso- 
pher, and statesman, born in Boston. 

1719. American "Weekly Mercury," the first paper in 
Philadelphia, printed. 

1728. The "New-York Gazette," the first paper in that 
state, published in June. 

1729. "Maryland Gazette" printed. 

1731. Printing in South Carolina. 

1732. First printing on paper made within the present 
limits of the United States. 

1737. First printing in Georgia. 
1755. Johnson's Dictionary printed in England. 
1771. Printing in Louisiana. 

1776. Fifty-six newspapers printed in the United States. 
1797. First printing in Mississippi. 
1799. The " Mississippi Gazette" printed in Natchez. 
1814. Printing in Alabama. 

1828. Nine hundred newspapers in the United States 
1836. One thousand three hundred newspapers in the 
twenty-six states, territories, and District of Columbia. 



LITERARY. 53 

Printer's Widow. — A printer's widow in Germany, 
while a new edition of the Bible was printing at her house, 
one night took an opportunity of going into the office to alter 
that sentence of subjection to her husband pronounced upon 
Eve in Genesis, chap, iii., v. 16. She took out the first two 
letters of the word Herr, and substituted Na in their place, 
thus altering the sentence from " and he shall be thy Lord" 
{Herr), to "and he shall be thy Fool" (Narr). It is said 
her life paid for this intentional erratum ; and that some se- 
creted copies of this edition have been bought up at enormous 
prices. 

Spence's Perpetual Motion. — Among those who have 
attempted the grand problem which has puzzled philoso- 
phers in all ages, the discovery of perpetual motion, few 
persons have displayed more ingenuity than John Spence, 
an untutored mechanic of Linlithgow. When only three or 
four years of age, Spence was excessively fond of mechani- 
cal inventions, and never could get the idea of them banished 
from his mind. When eleven years old he invented and 
constructed a model of a loom, the whole working apparatus 
of which was set in motion by a winch or handle at one side. 
It was contrived on the same principle as the looms subse- 
quently constructed in Glasgow to be wrought by the steam- 
engine, but had less machinery. He gave the model to a 
gentleman of Stirling, and never heard what became of it. 

When twelve years old he was put to the trade of a shoe- 
maker ; after only eight days' instruction he was able to 
make shoes on his own account ; not that he was master of 
the trade, but he was then left to the resources of his own 
ingenuity, and acquired the art without further actual super- 
intendence. But the natural bent of his genius leaned to- 
wards mechanics, and he never liked the employment. 
Wheels and levers occupied his mind from his earliest rec- 
ollection, and he was happy when he was inventing or con- 
structing what he had invented. He soon left his native 
town and went to Glasgow, not with the view of following 
out the trade of a shoemaker, but in the hope of getting into 
an employment which would place him near some of the 
magnificent machines used by the manufacturers of that city. 
Uninstructed as an artist, however, and utterly ignorant of 
spinning and weaving, it was difficult for him to find a situ- 
ation about a manufactory which he was fitted to fill. At 
last he thought himself qualified for the humble situation of 
the keeper of an engine, and accordingly engaged himself 



54 ANECDOTES 

in that capacity. For two years his daily occupation was 
to feed the furnace and to oil the engine ; and he felt happy 
in the employment, for it afforded him an opportunity of 
looking upon wheels in motion. Tired at last of the same- 
ness of the scene, he returned to Linlithgow, and endeavoured 
to follow his original trade. But the mechanical powers 
still haunted his imagination, and he continued to invent 
and construct, till he sometimes brought upon himself the 
admonitions of his friends and the scoffs of his enemies for 
devoting so much time to his visional inventions, as they 
called them, instead of attending to his trade. The invention 
of the long-sought-for perpetual motion appeared to him a 
splendid enterprise, attracted by the difficulty which attend- 
ed it, and it excited his ambition by the very obstacles which 
it presented. He directed his ingenuity to that object, and 
at length he produced a piece of mechanism of extraordinary 
ingenuity. 

In the year 1814 he had become so disgusted with the 
trade of a shoemaker that he could continue it no longer. 
He now conceived the idea of becoming a weaver. He had 
then in view to erect looms to be worked by a water-wheel, 
and thus promised for himself both profit and pleasure from 
his change of profession. Accordingly, his first object was 
to learn the trade of a weaver. This was soon accomplished. 
He constructed with his own hands the whole apparatus of 
a loom except the treddles and reed ; got a professional 
weaver to put in the first web, and, without any other instruc- 
tion, made as good cloth as those regularly bred to the busi- 
ness. This scheme, however, was never prosecuted further. 

His last effort was to complete his discovery of a perpet- 
ual motion. The invention was known in Linlithgow a con- 
siderable time before it was made known to the public ; but 
it was despised there in the usual way, for a prophet is not 
without honour save in his own country. The voice of 
fame, however, at length taught the good folks that a genius 
was among them, and they then crowded to see it with as 
much eagerness as they had formerly displayed indifference 
about it. A considerable number of strangers also visited 
it, and all expressed their admiration of the ingenuity, and, 
at the same time, the simplicity of the contrivance. 

It is difficult to convey an idea of the invention by descrip- 
tion. A wooden beam, poised by the centre, has a piece of 
steel attached to one end of it, which is alternately drawn 
up by a piece of magnet placed above it, and down by an- 
other placed below it ; and hs the end of the beam approaches 



LITERARY. 55 

the magnet, either above or below, the machine interjects a 
non-conducting substance, which suspends the attraction of 
the magnet approached, and allows the other to exert its 
powers. Thus the end of the beam continually ascends 
and descends between the two magnets without ever com- 
ing into contact with either, the attractive power of each 
being suspended precisely at the moment of its nearest ap- 
proach. As the magnetic attraction is a permanently opera- 
ting power, there appears to be no limit to the continuance 
of the motion but the endurance of the materials of the ma- 
chine. 



Spectacles. — Spectacles first became known about the 
beginning of the fourteenth century ; an inscription on the 
tomb of a nobleman, Salvinus Armatus, of Florence, who 
died in 1317, states that he was the inventor. The person, 
however, who first made the invention public was Alexan- 
der Spina, a native of Pisa. He happened to see a pair of 
spectacles in the hands of a person who would or could not 
explain the principle of them to him ; but he succeeded in 
making a pair for himself, and immediately made their con- 
struction public for the good of others. 



Michael Angelo. — It was a saying of this great artist, 
that a sculptor should carry his compass in his eye. " The 
hands, indeed," said he, " do the work, but the eye judges." 
Of his power of eye he was so certain, that, having once or- 
dered a block of marble to be brought to him, he told the 
stonecutter to cut away some particular parts of the marble, 
and to polish others. Very soon an exquisite figure started 
out from the block ; the stonecutter looked amazed. " My 
friend," said Michael Angelo, "what do you think of it 
now ?" " I hardly know what to think of it," answered the 
astonished mechanic : " it is a very fine figure, to be sure. 
I am under infinite obligations to you, sir, for thus making 
me discover in myself a talent which I never knew I pos- 
sessed." Angelo, full of the great and sublime ideas of his 
art, lived very much alone, and never suffered a day to pass 
without handling his chisel or his pencil. When some per- 
son reproached him with living so melancholy and solitary 
a life, he said, " Art is a jealous thing ; it requires the whole 
and entire man." 



Printing. — It is related that Faust, of Mentz, one of the 
many persons to whom the honour of having invented the 



♦ 



56 ANECDOTES. 

invaluable art of printing is ascribed, having carried a parcel 
of his Bibles to Paris and offered them for sale as MSS., the 
French, after considering the number of books and their ex- 
act conformity to one another, even to points and commas, 
and that the best book-writers could not be near so exact, 
concluded there was witchcraft in the case, and by either 
actually indicting him as a conjuror, or threatening to do so, 
extorted the secret. Hence the origin of the popular story 
of the devil and Dr. Faustus. 



Mezzotinto. — Prince Rupert, nephew to Charles the 
First, who devoted himself much to the prosecution of 
chymical and philosophical experiments, as well as the 
practice of mechanic arts, for which he was famous, was 
the inventor of mezzotinto, of which he is said to have taken 
the hint from a soldier scraping his rusty fusil. 

The prince, going out early one morning, observed a sen- 
tinel at some distance from his post very busy doing some- 
thing to his piece. The prince inquired what he was about. 
He replied that the dew had fallen in the night and made 
his fusil rusty, and therefore he was scraping and cleaning 
it. The prince, looking at it, was struck with something 
like a figure eaten into the barrel, w r ith innumerable little 
holes closed together like friezework on gold and silver, 
part of which the soldier had scraped away. Fom this tri 
fling incident Prince Rupert conceived the idea of mezzo- 
tinto. He concluded that some contrivance might be found 
to cover a brass plate with such a grained ground of fine 
pressed holes as would undoubtedly give an impression all 
black, and that, by scraping away proper parts, the smooth 
superfices would leave the rest of the paper white. Com- 
municating his ideas to Wallerant Vaillant, a painter, they 
made several experiments, and at last invented a steel roller, 
cut with tools to make teeth like a file or rasp, with project- 
ing points, which effectually produced the black grounds ; 
these being scraped away and diminished at pleasure, left 
the gradations of light. It is said that the first mezzotinto 
print ever published was engraved by the prince himself. 
It may be seen in the first edition of Evelyn's Sculptura ; 
and there is a copy of it in the second edition, printed in 
1755. 



The Speaking Scrolls of Old. — Simon Memmi, who 
flourished at Siena in the beginning of the fourteenth cen- 
tury, was the first painter who, by way of explanation, put 



LITERARY. 57 

written scrolls in the mouths of his figures, a practice which 
afterward became common. There is a piece of his now in 
existence, wherein the devil, almost expiring from the se- 
vere pursuit of a saint, exclaims, Ohime ! Non posso piu. 
Oh ! oh ! It is all over with me. 



Sculpture. — Pliny relates a pleasing anecdote of the in- 
vention of sculpture. Dibutades, the fair daughter of a cel- 
ebrated potter of Sicyon, contrived a private meeting with 
her lover at the eve of a long separation. A repetition of 
vows of constancy, and a stay prolonged to a very late hour, 
overpowered at length the faculties of the youth, and he fell 
fast asleep. The nymph, whose imagination was more alert, 
observing that, by the light of a lamp, her admirer's profile 
was strongly marked on the wall, eagerly snatched up a 
piece of charcoal, and, inspired by love, traced the outline 
with such success, that her father, when he chanced to see 
the sketch, determined to preserve, if possible, the effect. 
With this view he formed a kind of clay model from it, 
which first essay of the kind had the honour to be preserved 
in the public repository of Corinth, even to the fatal day of 
its destruction by that enemy to the arts, Mummius Archa- 
icus. 



Bills of Exchange. — The circumstance which gave rise 
to the introduction of bills of exchange in the mercantile 
world was the banishment from France, in the reigns of 
Philip Augustus and Philip the Long, of the Jews, who, it 
is well known, took refuge in Lombardy. On their leaving 
the kingdom, they had committed to the care of some per- 
sons in whom they could place confidence such of their prop- 
erty as they could not carry with them. Having fixed their 
abode in a new country, they furnished various foreign mer- 
chants and travellers, whom they had commissioned to bring 
away their fortunes, with secret letters, which were accepted 
in France by those who had the care of their effects. Thus 
the merit of the invention of exchanges belongs to the Jews 
exclusively. They discovered the means of substituting 
impalpable riches for palpable ones, the former being trans- 
missible to all parts without leaving behind them any traces 
indicative of the way they have taken. 

Galileo. — The succession of the noble discoveries made 
by Galileo, the most splendid, probably, which it ever fell to 
he lot of one individual to make, in a better age would have 

H 



58 ANECDOTES 

entitled its author to the admiration and gratitude of the 
whole scientific world ; but they were viewed at the time 
with suspicion and jealousy. The ability and success with 
which Galileo had laboured to overturn the doctrines of Aris- 
totle and the schoolmen, as well as to establish the motion 
of the earth and the immobility of the sun, excited many 
enemies. The church "itself was roused to action by reflect- 
ing that it had staked the infallibility of its judgments on the 
truth of the very opinions which were now in danger of being 
overthrown. 

The Dialogues of Galileo contained a full exposition of 
the evidence of the earth's motion, and set forth the errors 
of the old, as well as the discoveries of the new philosophy 
with great force of reasoning, and with the charms of the 
most lively eloquence. They are written, indeed, with such 
singular felicity, that we read them at the present day, when 
the truths contained in them are known and admitted, with 
all the delight of novelty, and feel carried back to the period 
when the telescope was first directed to the heavens, and 
when the earth's motion, with all its train of consequences, 
was proved for the first time. The author of such a work 
could not be forgiven. Galileo accordingly was twice 
brought before the Inquisition. The first time a council of 
seven cardinals pronounced a sentence which, for the sake 
of those disposed to believe that power can subdue truth, 
ought never to be forgotten : " That to maintain the sun to 
be immoveable and without local motion in the centre of the 
world is an absurd proposition, false in philosophy, heretical 
in religion, and contrary to the testimony of Scripture. 
That it is equally absurd and false in philosophy to assert 
that the earth is not immoveable in the centre of the world, 
and, considered theologically, equally erroneous and heret- 
ical." 

Galileo was threatened with imprisonment unless he 
would retract his opinions, and a promise was at length ex- 
torted from him that he would not teach the doctrine of the 
earth's motion either by speaking or writing. To this prom- 
ise he did not conform. 

In the year 1663 Galileo, now seventy years old, was 
again brought before the Inquisition, forced solemnly to dis- 
avow his belief in the earth's motion, and condemned to per- 
petual imprisonment, though the sentence was afterward 
mitigated, and he was allowed to return to Florence. The 
sentence appears to have pressed very heavily on Galileo's 
mind, and he never afterward eiiher talked or wrote on the 



LITERARY 59 

subject of astronomy. Such was the triumph of his ene 
mies, on whom ample vengeance would have long ago been 
executed if the indignation and contempt of posterity could 
reach the mansions of the dead. 

Circulation of the Blood. — The circulation of the 
blood was discovered in 1619, and is the most important 
discovery that ever was made in the whole science of phys- 
iology ; the influence which it necessarily exerted on the 
doctrines of pathology caused a general revolution throughout 
the whole circle of medical knowledge. To William Har- 
vey, an English physician, the glory of this discovery has 
been assigned by the almost unanimous concurrence of his 
successors, although some have endeavoured to deprive him 
of his well-earned fame by ascribing a knowledge of the cir- 
culation to various preceding writers. 

Mr. Dutens, in his " Recherches sur l'Origine des De 
couvertes attributees aux Modernes," has brought forward 
passages from Hippocrates, Plato, Aristotle, Julius Pollux, 
Apuleius, and several others, to prove that they knew the 
course of the blood ; and yet nothing more is necessary to 
disprove his assertion than to examine the very passages 
which he adduces in support of it. 

Vigneul Marville, in his Melanges de Literature, says, 
" It is said that the religious of St. Vannes have discovered in 
St. Ambrose the doctrine of the circulation of the blood, 
which has been thought to be a modern discovery by Har- 
vey ;" and Voltaire assures us that Servetus made the dis- 
covery long before Harvey, who is considered on the Conti- 
nent not as the first who discovered the circulation of the 
blood, but the first who demonstrated it. But Servetus only 
knew the minor calculation ; he laid the foundation of the 
building which had baffled all the efforts of the great ge- 
niuses of antiquity. 

The merits of Harvey, whose fame can never perish while 
medical science continues to be cultivated, is enhanced by 
considering the degraded state of medical knowledge at that 
time in England. 



Vasco de Gama. — The discovery of India, to which such 
great advances had been made by Prince Henry of Portugal, 
was, thirty-four years after his death, accomplished through 
the heroic intrepidity of the illustrious Vasco de Gama. 

The voyage of Gama has been called merely a coasting 
one, and, therefore, much less dangerous and heroical than 



60 ANECDOTES. 

that of Columbus and Magellan. But this, it is presumed, 
is an opinion hastily taken up and founded on ignorance. 
Columbus and Magellan undertook to navigate unknown 
oceans, and so did Gama, who stood out to sea for upward 
of three months of tempestuous weather, in order to double 
the Cape of Good Hope, hitherto deemed impassable. The 
tempests which afflicted Columbus and Magellan are de- 
scribed by their historians as far less tremendous than those 
which attacked Gama. The poet of the -Seasons, in depict- 
ing a tempest at sea, selects that encountered by Gama as 
an example of all that is most terrific in this conflict of ele- 
ments. 

" With such mad seas the daring Gama fought 
For many a day and many a dreadful night ; 
Incessant labouring round the stormy Cape, 
By bold ambition led." 

From every circumstance, it is evident that Gama had de- 
termined not to return unless he discovered India. Nothing 
less than such a resolution, to perish or attain his point, 
could have led him on. It was this resolution which in- 
spired him, when, on the general mutiny of the crew, he put 
the chief conspirators and all the pilots in irons, while he 
himself, with his faithful brother Coello and a few others, 
stood night and day to the helm until they doubled the Cape, 
and beheld the road to India before them. It was this 
which made him still persevere when he fell into the strong 
current off Ethiopia, that drove him for a time he knew not 
whither. How different the conduct of Columbus ! When, 
steering southward in search of a continent, he met great 
currents, which he imagined were the rising of the sea to- 
wards the canopy of heaven, which, for aught he knew, 
say the authors of the Universal History, he might touch to- 
wards the south, he therefore turned his course and steered 
to the west ; from which, after all, he returned without being 
certain whether the land he discovered at the mouth of the 
Oronoko was an island or a continent ! 



Discovery of Glass. — " As some merchants," says Pliny, 
" were carrying nitre, they stopped near a river which issues 
from Mount Carmel. As they could not readily find stones 
to rest their kettles on, they used for this purpose some of 
these pieces of nitre. The fire, which gradually dissolved 
the nitre and mixed it with the sand, occasioned a trans- 
parent matter to flow, which, in fact, was nothing less than 
glass." 



LITERARY. 61 

Tn the reign of Tiberius, according to the same author, a 
Roman artist had his house demolished, or, as Petronius 
Arbiter and others affirm, lost his head for making malleable 
glass. 

The Philosopher's Stone. — The orientalists imagine 
that, among other acquirements, the Europeans are in pos- 
session of the philosopher's stone, and some among them- 
selves are not wanting who pretend to this gift. When 
Mr. Kinneir, who travelled through Asia Minor and the 
neighbouring countries in eighteen hundred and thirteen and 
eighteen hundred and fourteen, was at Bassora, Mr. Colqu- 
houn, the acting resident at that place, received a message 
from an Arabian philosopher, who supplicated his protection 
from the cruel and continued persecution of his countrymen. 
Having been informed that he had the power of transmuting 
the basest metals into gold, they daily put him to the torture 
to wring his secret from him. He added, that he would di- 
vulge everything he knew to Mr. Colquhoun, provided he 
was permitted to reside in the factory. He accordingly re- 
tired, and soon afterward returned with a small crucible and 
chafing-dish of coals ; and when the former had become 
hot, he took four small papers, containing a whitish powder, 
from his pocket, and asked Mr. Colquhoun to fetch in a piece 
of lead ; the latter went into his study, and taking four pistol 
bullets, weighed them, unknown to the alchymist ; these, 
with the powder, he put into a crucible, and the whole was 
immediately in a state of fusion. After the lapse of about 
twenty minutes the Arabian desired Mr. Colquhoun to take 
the crucible from the fire, and put it into the open air to 
cool ; the contents were then removed, and the residuum 
proved to be a piece of pure gold, of the same size as the 
bullets. The gold was afterward valued at ninety piastres. 

" It is not easy," says Mr. Kinneir, " to imagine how a 
deception could have been accomplished, since the crucible 
remained untouched by the Arab after it had been put upon 
the fire-, while it is, at the same time, difficult to conceive 
what inducement a poor Arab could have had to make an 
English gentleman a present of ninety piastres. Mr. Col- 
quhoun ordered him to return next day, which he promised 
to do; but in the middle of the night the Sheik of Grane, 
with a body of armed men, broke into his house and carried 
him off." 

Mr. Kinneir says, "Whether this unhappy man possessed, 
like St. Leon, the art of making gold, we are not called on 



62 ANECDOTES. 

to determine." Now, although we conceive the Arabian 
philosopher just as capable of transmuting metals as the im- 
maculate St. Leon, so aptly quoted by Mr. Kinneir, we still 
are skeptical enough to suppose that there was abundance 
of time to fuse a solid mass of gold during the absence of 
Mr. Colquhoun, and afterward to waste the lead by the nat- 
ural progress of oxydation, aided by a strong fire. 

Pins. — Pins were brought from France in fifteen hundred 
and forty-three, and were first used in England by Catharine 
Howard, queen of Henry the Eighth. Before that invention 
both sexes used ribands and laces, with points and tags 
hooks and eyes, and skewers of brass, silver, and gold. 

In the year fifteen hundred and forty-three it was enacted 
" that no person shall put to sale any pinnes, but only such 
as shall be double-headed, and have the heads soldered fast 
to the shank of the pinnes, well smoothed, the shank well 
shaped, the points well and round filed, counted and sharp- 
ened." 

The pin manufactory affords employment to a number of 
children of both sexes, who are thus not only prevented from 
acquiring habits of idleness afld vice, but are, on the con- 
trary, initiated in their early years in those of a beneficial 
and virtuous industry. 



THE FINE ARTS. 

Myron. — Myron of Eleutherse, who appears from Pliny 
to have executed many works of excellence, seems to have 
been most commended for what he probably regarded as a 
trifling performance. A brazen heifer which he made is 
celebrated by no less than thirty-six epigrams in the Greek 
Anthologia. The following is among the best : 

On the Heifer of Brass of Myron. 
1 Either this heifer has a brazen skin, 
Or else the brass contains a soul within." 

The Foot-racer of this artist was not less celebrated, as 
appears from the following epigram : 

Myron's Foot-racer. 
" Such as, when flying with the whirlwind's haste, 
In your foot's point your eager soul you placed, 
Such, Ladas, as here by Myron's skill you breathe, 
Ardent in all your frame for Pisa's wreath. 



LITERARY. 63 

The fervid spirit from the heaving chest 
Shines in the lips. Where is not hope express'd ? 
The brass springs forward in the nimble strife. 
Oh, art more vivid than the breath of life !" 



Painting from Nature. — Eupompus, ihe painter, was 
asked by Lysippus, the sculptor, whom among his predeces- 
sors he should make objects of his imitation. " Behold," 
said the painter, showing his friend a multitude of characters 
passing by, "behold my models. From nature, not from 
art, by whomsoever wrought, must the artist labour who 
hopes to attain honour and extend the boundaries of his art." 

Praxiteles. — Praxiteles, who flourised 264 years before 
Christ, was the sculptor of some of the most famous statues 
of antiquity. Among these were two Venuses, one clothed 
and the other naked. The first was purchased by the Kho- 
ans, who preferred it as the most decent. The Cnidians 
took the rejected one, which was so exquisitely beautiful 
that many persons took a voyage to Cnidus for the sole 
purpose of seeing it. Nicomedes, king of Bithynia, was so 
desirous of possessing it, that he offered to pay all the pub- 
lic debts of Cnidus, which were large, as the price ; but the 
citizens refused to part with it on any terms, regarding it as 
the principal glory of the state. Praxiteles having promised 
the choice of his works to Phryne, a lady to whom he was 
attached, she, in order to discover which he most valued, 
ran to him one day with the false intelligence that his house 
was on fire. "I am undone," he cried, " unless I save my 
Satyr and my Cupid." The lady, having thus obtained an 
indisputable criterion, chose the Cupid as the most valuable 
of all his performances. 



Lost Art. — If we may credit a very singular story told 
in the Jesuit's Letters, the Chinese have now lost a very 
curious secret. They knew formerly how to paint their 
porcelain with fishes and other animals in such a manner 
that these figures never appeared to the eye till the porcelain 
vases were filled with liquor. 

Monochromatic Painting. — A very delicate experi- 
ment, yet a very natural one, which Buffon appears to have 
first noticed, led, in all probability, to the invention of the 
monochromatic mode of painting, or painting with a single 
colour. If, at the moment which precedes sunset at the close 
of a cloudless day, a body is placed near a wall, or against 



64 ANECDOTES. 

another polished body, or on a smooth chalky soil, the shadow 
caused by this body is blue, instead of being black or colour- 
less. This effect is produced by the light of the sun being 
so weakened that the blue rays, which are reflected from the 
sky, which has always this colour on a clear day, fall, and 
are again driven back or reflected on that part of the wall 
which the dying light of the sun cannot strike ; for, even at 
its last moment, the light which falls straight and direct is 
sufficiently strong to destroy that of the heavens, which is 
only reflected wherever they meet. 



Mosaic Painting. — Mosaic, as Wotton describes it in 
his work on architecture, is a kind of painting in small peb- 
bles, cockles, or shells of sundry colours ; and in recent 
times likewise w r ith pieces of glass figured at pleasure. It 
is used chiefly for pavements and floorings. 

The term Mosaic is derived from the Latin Musivum ; 
and a noble lord ought not to have been laughed at in the 
House of Peers when he pronounced the word, as it ought 
to be pronounced, Musaic. It is odd enough that many 
persons have really conceived it to originate from the name 
of the great Jewish legislator ! 

Pliny shows that the Greeks were the first who practised 
this art, and notices a curious work of the kind, which was 
called " an unswept piece." This singular performance ex- 
hibited to the eye crumbs of bread, and such other things as 
fall from a table, which were so naturally imitated that ob- 
servers were completely deceived into the belief that " an 
unswept" pavement lay before them. It was formed of 
small shells painted with different colours. 

Mosaic has been practised in Italy for these two thousand 
years. The manner of working it is by copying with mor- 
sels of marble of different colours, everything which a pic- 
ture can imitate. Instead of common stones, difficult to be 
collected for works of magnitude, and requiring much time 
to prepare and polish, the mosaic artists have sometimes re- 
course to a paste composed of glass and enamel, which, after 
passing through a crucible, takes a brilliant colour. All the 
pieces are inlaid, and very thin, and their length is propor- 
tioned to their slenderness. They sometimes inlay a piece 
not thicker than a hair. They are easily fixed in a stucco 
or plaster of Paris placed to receive them, and soon dry and 
harden. Such works are so solid that they are capable of 
resisting the assaults of time through many ages. The mo- 
saic of St. Mark at Venice has existed above nine hundred 
years in perfect splendour and beauty. 




LiTERARJ. 65 

The church of St. Dominico, at Siena, has to boast of a 
peculiarly elegant mosaic pavement. Duccio, of Siena, in 
1350, began that part of it which is beneath the altar of St. 
Ausano. In 1424 the pavement under the three steps of the 
high altar, representing David, Samson, Moses, Judas Mac- 
cabeus, and Joshua, was completed ; and forty years after- 
ward Matteo de Siena proceeded to embellish the part undeT 
the altar of the crucifix with the history of the martyrdom of 
the Innocents. The twelve Sybils were added in 1483; 
and in 1500 Dominico Beccafumi, alias Mecarino, comple- 
ted this magnificent pavement by executing the middle pari 
next the pulpit. 

Wood Engraving. — The first engraving on wood of 
which there is any record in Europe is that of " the Actions 
of Alexander," by the two Cunios, executed in the year 1285 
or 1286. The engravings are eight in number, and in size 
about nine inches by six. In a frontispiece, decorated with 
fanciful ornaments, there is an inscription which states the 
engravings to have been by " Alesandro Alberico Cunio 
Cavaliere and Isabella Cunio, twin brother and sister ; first 
reduced, imagined, and attempted to be executed in relief, 
with a small knife, on blocks of wood made even and pol- 
ished by this learned and dear sister ; continued and finished 
by us together at Ravenna, from the eight pictures of our 
invention, painted six times larger than here represented ; 
engraved, explained by verses, and thus marked upon the 
paper, to perpetuate the number of them, and to enable us 
to present them to our relations and friends in testimony of 
gratitude, friendship, and affection. All this was done and 
finished by us when only sixteen years of age." This ac- 
count, which was given by Papillon, who saw the engravings, 
has been much disputed ; but Mr. Ottley, in his late valuable 
work, deems it authentic. 



Copperplate Engraving. — The invention of copper- 
plate engraving is believed to have been derived from Maso 
Finiguerra, a Florentine, who lived between the years 1400 
and 1460. It is said that he impressed with earth all the 
things which he engraved in silver, for the purpose of filling 
them with niello, a metallic substance reduced to powder, 
composed of silver, copper, lead, sulphur, and borax. And 
having poured over the earthen impressions liquid sulphur, 
they became printed and filled with smoke. " Whence," 
says Vasari, " being rubbed with oil, they showed the same 

I 



66 ANECDOTES. 

as the silver ; and this he also did with damped paper, and 
with the same tint, pressing over it with a round roller, 
smooth in every part, which not only made them appear 
printed, but as if drawn with a pen." 

Blunders. — Tintoret, in a picture w4iich represents the 
Israelites gathering manna in the desert, has armed the He- 
brews with guns ; and a modern Neapolitan artist has rep- 
resented the holy family, during their journey to Egypt, as 
passing the Nile in a barge as richly ornamented as that of 
Cleopatra. 

Brengheli, a Dutch painter, in a picture of the Eastern 
magi, has, according to the grotesque fashion of his country, 
drawn the Indian king in a large white surplice, with boots 
and spurs, and bearing in his hand, as a present to the holy 
child, the model of a Dutch seventy-four. 

Lanfranc has thrown churchmen in their robes at the feet 
of our Saviour when an infant ; and Algarotti relates that 
Paul Veronese introduced several Benedictines among the 
guests at the feast of Cana. 

An altar-piece in a church at Capua, painted by Chella 
delle Puera, representing the Annunciation, is a curious col- 
lection of absurdities. The Virgin is seated in a rich arm- 
chair of crimson velvet, with gold flowers ; a cat and parrot 
placed near her, seem extremely attentive to the whole 
scene ; and on a table are a silver coffee-pot and cup. 

A modern Italian has painted the same subject in a way 
equally absurd. The Virgin is on her knees near the toilet ; 
on a chair are thrown a variety of fashionable dresses, which 
show that, in the painter's opinion, at least, she must have 
been a practised coquette ; and at a little distance appears a 
cat, with its head lifted up towards the angel, and its ears on 
end to catch what he has got to say. 

Paulo Mazzochi painted a piece representing the four el- 
ements, in which fishes marked the sea, moles the earth, and 
a salamander the fire. He wished to represent the air by 
a chameleon ; but, not knowing how to draw that scarce an- 
imal, he contented himself, from a similarity of sounds, to 
introduce a camel, who, extending his long neck, snufTs up 
the breezes around him. 



Trial of Conjugal Affection. — Craasbeck, a Flem- 
ish painter, entertaining some doubts as to the affection of 
his wife, who was a modest and agreeable woman, and being 
anxious to ascertain if she really loved him, one day stripped 



LITERARY. 67 

his breast naked, and painted the appearance of a mortal 
wound on his skin ; his lips and cheeks he painted of a livid 
colour, and on his palette near him he placed his knife, 
painted on the blade with a bloodlike colour. When every- 
thing was prepared, he shrieked out, as if he had been at 
that instant killed, and lay still. His wife ran in, saw him 
in that terrifying condition, and showed so many tokens ot 
unaffected natural passion and real grief, that he rose up 
convinced of her affection, dissuaded her from grieving, and 
freely told her his motive for the whole contrivance, which 
he would not have violated truth by describing as a very 
despicable trick. 

Education. — In the education of young persons, much is 
to be considered in respect to their teachers. As such ought 
to be possessed of ability, so they ought to be encouraged. 
" Pity it is," says the great Mr. Ascham, " that commonly 
more care is had, yea, and that among very wise men, to 
find out rather a cunning man for their horse than a cunning 
man for their children. They say nay in one word, but they 
do so in deed; for to one they will gladly give a stipend of 
two hundred crowns by the year, and are loath to offer to the 
other two hundred shillings. God, that sitteth in heaven, 
laugheth their choice to scorn, and rewardeth their liberality 
as it should. For he suffereth them to have tame and well- 
ordered horses, but wild and unfortunate children ; and, there- 
fore, in the end, they find more pleasure in their horse than 
comfort in their child." 

We should be careful what books we put into the hands 
of children. All publications tending to infidelity, looseness 
of character, vice, &c., ought to be proscribed. If the Athe- 
nian laws were so delicate that they disgraced any one who 
showed an inquiring traveller the wrong road, what disgrace, 
among Christians, should attach to that tutor, parent, or au- 
thor who, when a youth is inquiring the road to genuine 
and useful knowledge, directs him to blasphemy and unbelief? 

Education is a companion which no misfortune can de- 
press, no clime destroy, no enemy alienate, no despotism 
enslave. At home a friend, abroad an introduction, in soli- 
tude a solace, in society an ornament. It shortens vice, it 
guides virtue, it gives at once grace and government to the 
genius. Without it, what is man ? a splendid slave ! a 
reasoning savage ! vacillating between the dignity of an in- 
telligence derived from God and the degradation of brutal 
passion. — Phillips. 



68 ANECDOTES. 

An apt Version. — The late Dr. Adam, rector of the 
Grammar-school, Edinburgh, was supposed by his scholars 
to exercise a strong partiality for such as were of patrician 
descent ; and on one occasion was very smartly reminded 
of it by a boy of mean parentage, whom he was reprehending 
rather severely for his ignorance ; much more so than the 
boy thought he would have done had he been the son of a 
right honourable, or even of a plain Baillie Jarvie. " You 
dunce !" exclaimed the rector, " I don't think you can even 
translate the motto of your own native place, of the gude 
town of Edinburgh. What, sir, does ' Nisi Dominus frus- 
trd mean ?" " It means, sir," rejoined the boy, smartly, 
" that, unless we are lords' sons, we need not come here." 



Taciturnity. — " He who knows not how to be silent 
knows not how to speak," said Pittacus ; " and he that hath 
knowledge spareth his words," said Solomon ; that is, " He 
will be few of his words, as being afraid of speaking amiss." 

A babbler, being at table with a number of persons, 
among whom was one of the seven sages of Greece, ex- 
pressed his astonishment that a man so wise did not utter a 
single word. The sage instantly replied, " A fool cannot 
hold his tongue." " Take away from the conversations of 
the generality of persons, in most, companies, their slanders 
against the absent, their shallow criticisms, their ignorant 
political opinions, and their barren witticisms against, religion, 
and you will find that, on a just calculation, those who speak 
the most do not say more than those who keep a profound 
silence. It is for this reason that a man of sense always 
prefers passing even for stupid by his taciturnity, to the in- 
famous talent of shining at the expense of religion, of the 
laws, of men of genius, and of his neighbours, to divert those 
who are falsely named great wits, or rejoice the hearts of 
men who want judgment, justice, and humanity." 



Diffidence. — While we behold some possessed but of 
little knowledge and a mediocrity of talent put on all the 
consequence of learning and all the boldness of authority, 
we are sometimes, on the other hand, spectators of men of 
uncommon worth, fine genius, and extensive abilities, labour- 
ing under the fetters of diffidence and fear. It is, however, 
an unhappy circumstance for such, as it must be injurious 
to themselves, while it precludes, in some respect, their use- 
fulness to others. 

It is said of the learned Junius that he had such an invin- 



LITERARY. 69 

cible modesty, that throughout his life he appeared to com- 
mon observers under peculiar disadvantages, and could 
scarcely speak upon the most common subjects without a 
suffusion in his countenance. In this respect he seems to 
have equalled our famous Mr. Addison, who likewise was 
at once one of the greatest philosophers as well as one of 
the most abashed and modest men of his time. 

Such was the diffidence of that good man Dr. Conyers, 
that if he saw a stranger in his congregation, especially if 
he suspected him to be a minister, it would so disconcert 
him as to render him almost incapable of speaking. On 
these occasions he would sometimes say to Mr. Thornton, 
" If you expect any blessing under my ministry, I beg you 
will not bring so many black coats with you." 

Men of Genius deficient in Conversation. — The stu- 
dent who may, perhaps, shine a luminary of learning and of 
genius in the pages of his volume, is found not rarely to lie 
obscured beneath a heavy cloud in colloquial discourse. 

If you love the man of letters, seek him in the privacies of 
his study. It is in the hour of confidence and tranquillity 
his genius shall elicit a ray of intelligence more fervid than 
the labours of polished composition. 

The great Peter Corneille, whose genius resembled that 
of our Shakspeare, and who has so forcibly expressed the 
sublime sentiments of the hero, had nothing in his exterior 
that indicated his genius ; on the contrary, his conversation 
was so insipid that it never failed of wearying. Nature, 
who had lavished on him the gifts of genius, had forgotten 
to blend with them her more ordinary ones. He did not 
even speak correctly that language of which he was such a 
master. 

When his friends represented to him how much more he 
might please by not disdaining to correct these trivial errors, 
he would smile and say, " i" am not the less Peter Corneille /" 
Descartes, whose habits were formed in solitude and medi- 
tation, was silent in mixed company ; and Thomas described 
his mind by saying that he had received his intellectual 
wealth from nature in solid bars, but not in current coin ; or 
as Addison expressed the same idea, by comparing himself 
to a banker who possessed the wealth of his friends at home, 
though he carried none of it in his pocket ; or as that judicious 
moralist Nicolle, one of the Port-Royal Society, who said of 
a scintillant wit, " He conquers me in the drawing-room, but 
he surrenders to me at discretion on the staircase." Such 



70 ANECDOTES. 

may say with Themistocles when asked to play on a lute, 
" I cannot fiddle, but I can make a little village a great city." 

The deficiencies of Addison in conversation are well 
known. He preserved a rigid silence among strangers ; but, 
if he was silent, it was the silence of meditation. How often 
at that moment he laboured at some future Spectator ! 

Mediocrity can talk, but it is for genius to observe. 

The cynical Mandeville compared Addison, after having 
passed an evening in his company, to " a silent parson in a 
tie-wig.'' It is no shame for an Addison to receive the cen- 
sures of a Mandeville ; he has only to blush when he calls 
down those of a Pope. 

Virgil was heavy in conversation, and resembled more an 
ordinary man than an enchanting poet. 

La Fontaine, says La Bruyere, appeared coarse, heavy, 
and stupid ; he could not speak or describe what he had 
just seen ; but when he wrote he was the model of poetry. 

It was very easy, said a humorous observer on La Fon- 
taine, to be a man of wit or a fool ; but to be both, and that, 
too, in the extreme degree, is indeed admirable, and only to 
be found in him. This observation applies to that fine nat- 
ural genius Goldsmith. Chaucer was more facetious in his 
tales than in his conversation, and the Countess of Pem- 
broke used to rallv him by saying that his silence was more 
agreeable to her than his conversation. 

Isocrates, celebrated for his beautiful oratorical composi- 
tions, was of so timid a disposition that he never ventured 
to speak in public. He compared himself to the whetstone 
which will not cut, but enables other things to do this ; for 
his productions served as models to other orators. Vaucan- 
son was said to be as much a machine as any he had made. 
Dryden said of himself, ' ; My conversation is slow and 
dull, my humour saturnine and reserved. In short, I am 
none of those who endeavour to break jests in company or 
make repartees." 

Loquacity. — " In the multitude of words there w 7 anteth 
not sin." He who talks much not only often renders him- 
self unpleasant to the company, but is in danger of offending 
God. There is a happy medium, which should be attended 
to ; neither to seal up the lips in monkish stupidity, nor, on 
the other hand, to be guilty of impertinent and trifling lo- 
quacity. 

Zeno, being present where a person of a loquacious dis- 
position played himself off, said, with an air of concern in 



LITERARY. 71 

his countenance, " I perceive that poor gentleman is ill. He 
has a violent flux upon him." The company was alarmed, 
and the speaker stopped in his career. " Yes," added the 
philosopher, " the flux is so violent that it has carried his ears 
into his tongue." 

The Rev. Mr. Berridge being once visited by a very lo- 
quacious young lady, who, forgetting the modesty of her sex 
and the superior gravity of an aged divine, engrossed all 
the conversation of the interview with small talk concerning 
herself, when she rose to retire, he said, " Madam, before you 
withdraw I have one piece of advice to give you ; and that 
is, when you go into company again, after you have talked 
half an hour without intermission, I recommend it to you to 
stop a while, and see if any other of the company has any- 
thing to say." 

In conversation, great care should be taken to introduce 
subjects with discretion and propriety. A person once ha- 
rangued on the strength of Samson. "I affirm," said he, 
" that this same Samson was the strongest man that ever did 
or ever will live in the world." " I deny it," replied one of 
the company ; " you yourself are stronger than he." " How 
do you make out that?" "Because you just now lugged 
him in by head and shoulders." 

Though the above-mentioned reproof were suitable, yet it 
is not to be understood that the gift of conversation is to be 
lightly appreciated, but only to be used with judgment. 
They who cannot talk at all are, perhaps, as miserable to 
themselves as they who talk much are disagreeable to 
others. 

A gentleman who acquired a very considerable fortune in 
trade was absolutely wretched because he could not talk in 
company. "I am a most unhappy man," said he. " I am 
invited to conversations ; I go to conversations ; but. alas ! I 
have no conversation." From this instance we may learn 
how much more conducive to our happiness it is to store 
our minds with intellectual wealth, than to be heaping up 
riches in expectation that money will supply the place of 
everything else. 

Much is to be gained by judicious conversation. Menage 
once heard Varilles say, that of ten things which he knew, 
he had learned nine from conversation. " The tongue of 
the wise," says Solomon, " useth knowledge aright." And 
again, "The tongue of the just is as choice silver." 



72 ANECDOTES. 

A number of intimate friends being at dinner together on 
the Lord's day, one of the company, in order to prevent im- 
pertinent discourse, said, " It is a question whether we shall 
all go to heaven or not ?" This plain hint occasioned a gen- 
eral seriousness and self-examination. One thought, if any 
of this company go to hell, it must be myself; and so thought 
another ; even the servants who waited at table were affect- 
ed in the same manner ; in short, it was afterward found 
that this one sentence proved, by the special blessing of God 
upon it, instrumental to their conversion. 

Knight of Florence. — A knight of Florence, whose 
love of talking was a common theme of lamentation among 
his friends, met one evening at supper a party of brother 
patricians. As soon as supper was over he began telling a 
story, and seemed as if he would never have done with it. 
" I'll tell you what," said one of the party, interrupting 
him, " who ever told you this story, Sir Knight, did not tell 
you the whole of it." " How could that be ?" asked the 
knight ; " I know every word of it." " No, no," rejoined the 
speaker, " he did not tell you, I am sure, the end of it." The 
company laughed, and the story-teller, confounded with the 
rebuke, made an abrupt termination of his discourse. 

The Abbe Raynal and the Abbe Galignani, who were 
both incessant talkers, were invited to the house of a mutual 
friend, who wished to amuse himself by bringing them to- 
gether. Galignani, who began the conversation, engrossed 
it so thoroughly, and talked with such volubility, that Raynal 
could not find the least opening to introduce a word ; but, 
turning to his friend, said, in a low voice, SHI crache, il est 
perdu. 



STUDIES. 

Instances of Intense Study, &c. — Sir Isaac Newton, 
it is said, when he had any mathematical problems or solu- 
tions in his mind, would never leave the subject on any ac- 
count. Dinner has been often three hours ready for him 
before he could be brought to table. His man often said 
of him, that, when he has been getting up of a morning, he 
has sometimes begun to dress, and, with one leg in his 
breeches, sat down again on the bed, where he has remained 
for hours before he has got his clothes on. 



LITERARY. 73 

Frederic Morel had so strong an attachment to study that, 
when he was informed of his wife's being at the point of 
death, he would not lay down his pen till he had finished 
what he was upon ; and when she was dead, as she was 
before they could prevail upon him to stir, he was only heard 
to reply coldly, "lam very sorry ; she ivas a good woman? 

Adrian Turnebus, an illustrious French critic, was inde- 
fatigable in his application to study, insomuch that it was 
said of him, as it was of Budaeus, that he spent some hours 
in study even on the day he was married. 

Euclid was asked one day by King Ptolemaeus Lagus 
" whether there was not a shorter and easier way to the 
knowledge of geometry than that which he had laid down in 
his Elements." He answered that " there was indeed no 
royal road to geometry." In the same manner, when Alex- 
ander wanted to learn geometry by some easier and shorter 
method, he was told by his preceptor that " he must here 
be content to travel the same road with others ; for that all 
things of this nature were equally difficult to prince and 
people." We may apply this observation to learning in 
general. If we wish to enjoy the sweets, we must encounter 
the difficulties of acquisition. The student must not be al- 
ways in the world or living at his ease if he wish to enlarge 
his mind, inform his judgment, or improve his powers ; he 
must read, think, remember, compare, consult, and digest, 
in order to be wise and useful. 



Variety of studies, so far from weakening the mind, is a 
powerful means of promoting its energy and growth. We 
seldom meet with persons of vigorous understanding whose 
range of thought has been confined chiefly to one department. 

Three Mistakes. — " There are three capital mistakes," 
says one, " in regard to books. Some, through their own 
indolence, and others from a sincere belief of the vanity of 
human science, read no book but the Bible. But these good 
men do not consider that, for the same reasons, they ought 
not to preach sermons ; for sermons are libri, ore, vivaque 
voce, pronunciati : the Holy Scriptures are illustrated by 
other writings. Others collect great quantities of books for 
show, and not for service. This is a vast parade, even un- 
worthy of reproof. Others purchase large libraries with a 
sincere design of reading all the books. But a very large 

K 4 



74 ANECDOTES. 

library is learned luxury, not elegance, much less utility.* 
Much reading is no proof of much learning; fast readers 
are often desultory ones. 

The Progress of Old Age in New Studies. — Of the 
pleasures derivable from the cultivation of the arts, sciences, 
and literature, time will not abate the growing passion ; for 
old men still cherish an affection and feel a youthful enthu- 
siasm in those pursuits when all others have ceased to inter- 
est. Dr. Reid, to his last day, retained a most active curi- 
osity in his various studies, and particularly in the revolu- 
tions of modern chymistry. In advanced life we may resume 
our former studies with a new pleasure, and in old age we 
may enjoy them with the same relish with which more youth- 
ful students commence. 

Professor Dugald Stewart tells us that Adam Smith ob- 
served to him, that " of all the amusements of old age, the 
most grateful and soothing is a renewal of acquaintance with 
the favourite studies and favourite authors of youth ; a re- 
mark which, in his own case, seemed to be more particularly 
exemplified while he was reperusing, with the enthusiasm 
of a student, the tragic poets of ancient Greece. I heard 
him repeat the observation more than once while Sophocles 
and Euripides lay open on his table." 

Cato, at eighty years of age, thought proper to learn 
Greek; and Plutarch, almost as late in life, Latin. 

Henry Spelman, having neglected the sciences in his 
youth, cultivated them at fifty years, and became a proficient. 

Fairfax, after having been general of the parliamentary 
force's, retired to Oxford to take his degrees in law. 

Colbert, the famous French minister, almost at sixty re- 
turned to his Latin and law studies. 

Tellier, the chancellor of France, learned logic merely for 
an amusement, to dispute with his grandchildren. 

Though the above instances are somewhat singular, yet 
young persons should beware of procrastination, and not lose 
the present moment in expectation of improving the future. 
Very few are capable of making any proficiency under the 
decrepitude of old age, and when they have been long ac- 
customed to negligent habits. Great defects and indigested 
erudition have often characterized the oipipadeig, or "late 
learned." 



Reading. — There are some books which require pecu- 
liar attention in reading in order to understand them. A 



LITERARY. 75 

spruce macaroni was boasting one day that he had the most 
happy genius in the world. " Everything," said he, " is easy 
to me ! People call Euclid's Elements a hard book ; but I 
read it yesterday from beginning to end, in a piece of the af- 
ternoon between dinner and teatime." " Read all Euclid," 
answered a gentleman present, " in one afternoon ! How 
was that possible ?" " Upon my honour I did, and never 
read smoother reading in my life." " Did you master all 
the demonstrations and solve all the problems as you went ?" 
" Demonstrations and problems ! I suppose you mean the 
a's, and b's, and c's ; and l's, and 2's, and 3's ; and the pic- 
tures of scratches and scrawls ? No, no ; I skipped all them. 
I only read Euclid himself; and all Euclid I did read, and 
in one piece of the afternoon too." Alas ! how many such 
readers are there ? Such are likely to get as much knowl- 
edge of the subject they read as this young man did of ge- 
ometry. 

Dr. Watts. — As you proceed both in learning and in 
life, make a ivise observation what are the ideas, what the 
discourses, and the parts of knowledge that have been more 
or less useful to yourself or others. In our younger years, 
while we are furnishing our minds with a treasure of ideas, 
our experience is but small, and our judgment weak ; it is 
therefore impossible at that age to determine aright con- 
cerning the real advantage and usefulness of many things 
we learn. But, when age and experience have matured 
your judgment, then you will gradually drop the more use- 
less part of your younger furniture, and be more solicitous 
to retain that which is most necessary for your welfare in 
this life or a better. Hereby you will come to make the 
same complaint that almost every learned man has dene 
after long experience in study and in the affairs of human 
life and religion : Alas ! hoio many hours, and days, and 
months have I lost in pursuing some parts of learning, and 
in reading some autliors, which have turned to no other ac- 
count but to inform me that they were not worth my labour 
and pursuit ! Happy the man who has a wise tutor to con- 
duct him through all the sciences in the first years of his 
study, and who has a prudent friend always at hand to point 
out to him, from experience, how much of every science is 
worth his pursuit ! And happy the student that is so wise 
as to follow such advice ! 



PorE. — Pope says, "That from fourteen to twenty he 



76 ANECDOTES. 

read only for amusement ; from twenty to twenty-seven, for 
improvement and instruction ; that, in the first part of this 
time, he desired only to know ; and, in the second, he en- 
deavoured to judge." 

Pleasures of Study.— The pleasures of study are classed 
by Burton among those exercises or recreations of the mind 
which pass within doors. " Looking about this world of 
books," he exclaims, " I could even live and die with such 
meditations, and take more delight and true content of mind in 
them than in all thy wealth and sport ! There is a sweetness 
which, as Circe's cup, bewitcheth a student ; he cannot leave 
off, as well may witness those many laborious hours, days, 
and nights spent in their voluminous treatises. So sweet 
is the delight of study. The last day is prioris discipulus" 
" Heinsius was mewed up in the library of Leyden all the 
year long, and that which to my thinking should have bred 
a loathing, caused in him a greater liking. ' I no sooner/ 
saith he, ' come into the library, but I bolt the door to me, 
excluding Lust, Ambition, Avarice, and all such vices whose 
nurse is Idleness, the mother to Ignorance and Melancholy. 
In the very lap of eternity, among so many divine souls, I 
take my seat with so lofty a spirit and sweet content, that I 
pity all our great ones and rich men that know not this 
happiness.'" Such is the incense of a votary who scatters 
it on the altar less for the ceremony than from the devotion. 

There is, however, an intemperance in study incompati- 
ble often with our social or more active duties. The illus- 
trious Grotius exposed himself to the reproaches of some of 
his contemporaries for having too warmly pursued his studies, 
to the detriment of his public station. It was the boast of 
Cicero that his philosophical studies had never interfered 
with the services he owed the republic, and that he had only 
dedicated to them the hours which others gave to their walks, 
their repasts, and their pleasures. Looking on his volumi- 
nous labours, we are surprised at this observation ; how hon- 
ourable is it to him that his various philosophical works bear 
the titles of the different villas he possessed, which shows that 
they were composed in their respective retirements. Cicero 
must have been an early riser, and practised that magic art 
of employing his time as to have multiplied his days. 

Classical Studies. — Cowper, the poet, in allusion to his 
classical studies, says, " But all this time was spent in 
painting a piece of wood that had no life in it. At last I 



LITERARY. 77 

began to think indeed ; I found myself in possession of many 
bawbles, but not one grain of solidity in all my treasures. 
At that time I valued a man according to his proficiency and 
taste in classical literature, and had the meanest opinion of 
all other accomplishments unaccompanied with that. But 
T lived to see the vanity of what I had made my pride ; and 
in a few years found there were other attainments which 
would carry a man more handsomely through life than a 
mere knowledge of what Homer and Virgil had left behind 
them." 



Mirabeau. — This celebrated orator of the National Con- 
vention was directed by his preceptor, at an early period 
of his life, to read " Locke on the Human Understanding." 
He was so delighted with the profound reading of the Eng- 
lish philosopher, that, meeting his preceptor many years 
after in the gardens of the Tuileries, he said, with sparkling 
eyes and animated countenance, " Ah, sir, I shall never forget 
your having made me read Locke." 



Reading the Bible. — In the reign of Henry V. a law 
was passed against the perusal of the Scriptures in England. 
It is enacted, " That whatsoever they were that should read 
the Scriptures in the mother tongue, they should forfeit land, 
catel, lif, and godes from the)n:e heyres for ever; and so be 
condemned for heretyks to God, enemies to the crowne, and 
most errant traitors to the lande." On contrasting the above 
statute with the indefatigable exertions that are now making 
to print and circulate the Bible, what a happy revolution in 
public sentiment appears to have taken place ! 

Bible. — There is no book in the world so admirably 
adapted to the capacities of all men as the Bible. It is so 
sublime in its language, so noble in its doctrine, yet plain in 
its precepts, and excellent in its end, that the man must be 
ignorant and depraved indeed who lives without reading it. 



Queen Elizabeth. — " I walk," says she, " many times 
in the pleasant fields of the Holy Scriptures, where I pluck 
up the goodlisome herbs of sentences by pruning, eat them 
by reading, digest them by musing, and lay them up at length 
in the high seat of memory by gathering them together ; so 
that, having tasted their sweetness, I may less perceive the 
bitterness of life." 



78 ANECDOTES. 

Collins. — Collins, the poet, it is said, travelled with no 
other book than an English Testament, such as children 
carry to school. When a friend took it into his hand, out of 
curiosity, to see what companion a man of letters had chosen, 
" I have but one book," said Collins, " but that is the best." 
Happy would it be for poets if they were all of the same 
mind. 

The learned Salmasius said, when on his deathbed, " Oh ! 
I have lost a world of time ! If one year more were to be 
added to my life, it should be spent in reading David's 
Psalms and Paul's Epistles." 



LIBRARIES. 

Of libraries, the following anecdotes seem most inter- 
esting, as they mark either the affection or the veneration 
which civilized men have felt for these perennial reposi- 
tories of their minds. The first national library founded in 
Egypt seemed to have been placed under the protection 
of the divinities, for their statues magnificently adorned this 
temple, dedicated at once to religion and to literature. It 
was still farther embellished by a well-known inscription, for 
ever grateful to the votary of literature ; on the front was en- 
graven, " The nourishment of the soul ;" or, according -to 
Diodorus, " The medicine of the mind." 

To pass much of our time amid such vast resources, that 
man must indeed be not more animated than a leaden Mer- 
cury who does not aspire to make some small addition to 
his library, were it only by a critical catalogue ! He must 
be as indolent as that animal called the sloth, who perishes 
on the tree he climbs after he has eaten all its leaves. 



Nicholas Niccoli. — The first public library in Italy, 
says Tiraboschi, was founded by a person of no considera- 
ble fortune : his credit, his frugality, and fortitude were in- 
deed equal to a treasury. This extraordinary man was 
Nicholas Niccoli, the son of a merchant, and in his youth 
himself a merchant ; but after the death of his father he re- 
linquished the beaten roads of gain, and devoted his soul to 
study, and his fortune to assist students. At his death he 
left his library to the public, but his debts being greater than 
his effects, the princely generosity of Cosmo de Medici re- 
alized the intention of its former possessor, and afterward 



LITERARY. 79 

enriched it by the addition of an apartment, in which he 
placed the Greek, Hebrew, Chaldaic, and Indian MSS. 

Cicero. — To adorn his villa at Tusculum formed the day 
dreams of this man of genius ; and his passion broke out in 
all the enthusiasm and impatience which so frequently char- 
acterize the modern collector. Not only Atticus, on whose 
fine taste he could depend, but every one likely to increase 
his acquisitions, was Cicero persecuting with entreaties on 
entreaties, with the seduction of large prices, and with the 
expectation that, if the orator and consul would submit to 
accept any bribe, it would hardly be refused in the shape of 
a manuscript or a statue. " In the name of our friendship," 
says Cicero, addressing Atticus, " suffer nothing to escape 
you of whatever you find curious or rare." When Atticus 
informed him that he should send him a fine statue, in which 
the heads of Mercury and Minerva were united together, 
Cicero, with the enthusiasm of a maniacal lover of the 
present day, finds every object which is uncommon the very 
thing for which he has a proper place. " Your discovery is 
admirable, and the statue you mention seems to have been 
made purposely for my cabinet." Then follows an explana- 
tion of the mystery of this allegorical statue, which ex- 
pressed the happy union of exercise and study. " Con- 
tinue," he adds, " to collect for me, as you have promised, 
in as great a quantity as possible, morsels of this kind." 
Cicero, like other collectors, may be suspected not to have 
been very difficult in his choice, and for him the curious was 
not less valued than the beautiful. The mind and temper 
of Cicero were of a robust and philosophical cast, not too 
subject to the tortures of those whose morbid imagination 
and delicacy of taste touch on infirmity. It is, however, 
amusing to observe this great man, actuated by all the fer- 
vour and joy of collecting. " I have paid your agent, as 
you ordered, for the Megaric statues ; send me as many of 
them as you can, and as soon as possible, with any others 
which you think proper for the place, and to my taste, and 
good enough to please yours. You cannot imagine how 
greatly my passion increases for this sort of things ; it is 
such that it may appear ridiculous in the eyes of many ; 
but you are my friend, and will only think of satisfying my 
wishes." Again : " Purchase for me, without thinking fur- 
ther, all that you discover of rarity. My friend, do not spare 
my purse." And, indeed, in another place he loves Atticus 
both for his promptitude and cheap purchases : Te multum 
amamusy quod ea abs te diligenter, parvoque curata sunt. 



60 ANECDOTES. 

Proper Books. — It was a remark of Seneca, that " he 
who lends a man money to carry him to a house of ill 
fame, or weapon for revenge, makes himself a partner of 
his crimes." " I stand," says Dymond, " in a bookseller's 
store, and observe his customers come in. One orders a 
lexicon, and one a scurrilous work of infidelity : one Cap- 
tain Cook's Voyages, and one a new licentious romance. If 
the bookseller takes and executes all these orders with the 
same willingness, I cannot but perceive an inconsistency, an 
incompleteness in the moral principles of his actions. Per- 
haps, too, this person is so conscientious of the mischievous 
effects of such books, that he would not allow them in the 
hands of his children, nor suffer them to be seen on his par- 
lour table. But, if he knows the evil they will inflict, can 
it be right for him to be an agent in selling them ? Such a 
person does not exhibit that consistency, that completeness 
of virtuous conduct, without which the Christian character 
cannot be exhibited." A fearful responsibility rests upon 
him who writes, or reads, or publishes a book of wickedness. 

The Bibliomania. — The preceding article is honoura- 
ble to literature, yet impartial truth must show that even a 
passion for collecting books is not always a passion for lit- 
erature. 

The " Bibliomania," or the collecting an enormous heap of 
books without intelligent curiosity, has, since libraries have 
existed, infected weak minds, who imagine that they them- 
selves acquire knowledge when they keep it on their shelves. 
Their motley libraries have been called the madhouses of 
the human mind ; and again, the tomb of books, when the 
possessor will not communicate them, and coffins them up 
in the cases of his library ; and, as it was facetiously observed, 
these collections are not without a Lock on the Human Un- 
derstanding. 

The bibliomania has never raged more violently than in 
the present day. It is fortunate that literature is in noways 
injured by the follies of collectors, since, though they pre- 
serve the worthless, they necessarily defend the good. 

Some collectors place all their fame on the view of a 
splendid library, where volumes arrayed in all the pomp of 
lettering, silk linings, triple gold bands, and tinted leather, 
are locked up in wire cases, and secured from the vulgar 
hands of the mere reader, dazzling our eyes like Eastern 
beauties peering through their jealousies ! 

Bruyere has touched on this mania with humour: "Of 
such a collector," says he, " as soon as I enter his house I 



LITERARY. 81 

am ready to faint on the staircase, from a strong smell of 
Morocco leather ; in vain he shows me fine editions, gold 
leaves, Etruscan bindings, &c., naming them one after an- 
other, as if he were showing a gallery of pictures ! a gallery, 
by-the-by, which he seldom traverses when alone, for he 
rarely reads, but me he offers to conduct through it ! I 
thank him for his politeness, and, as little as himself, care 
to visit the tanhouse which he calls his library." 

Lucian has composed a biting invective against an igno- 
rant possessor of a vast library. Like him who, in the 
present day, after turning over the pages of an old book, 
chiefly admires the date. Lucian compares him to a pilot 
who was never taught the science of navigation ; to a rider 
who cannot keep his seat on a spirited horse ; to a man who, 
not having the use of his feet, wishes to conceal the defect 
by wearing embroidered shoes ; but, alas ! he cannot stand 
in them ! He ludicrously compares him to Thersites wear- 
ing the armour of Achilles, tottering at every step ; leering 
with his little eyes under his enormous helmet, and his hunch- 
back raising the cuirass above his shoulders. " Why do 
you buy so many books," he says ; " you have no hair, and 
you purchase a comb ; you are blind, and you will have a 
grand mirror ; you are deaf, and you will have fine musical 
instruments ! Your costly bindings are only a source of 
vexation, and you are continually discharging your librarians 
for not preserving them from the silent invasion of the worms 
and the nibbling triumphs of the rats !" 

Such collectors will contemptuously smile at the collec- 
tion of the amiable Melancthon. He possessed in his library 
only four authors, Plato, Pliny, Plutarch, and Ptolemy the 
Geographer. 

Ancient value of Books. — In the year 1471, when 
Louis XI. borrowed the works of Rasis, the Arabian physi- 
cian, from the faculty of medicine in Paris, he not only de- 
posited in pledge a considerable quantity of plate, but was 
obliged to procure a nobleman to join with him as surety in 
a deed, binding himself under a great forfeiture to restore it. 
When any person made a present of a book to a church or 
a monastery, in which were the only libraries during several 
ages, it was deemed a donation of such value that he offered 
it on the altar, pro remedia animce sua, in order to obtain the 
forgiveness of his sins. 



Translating. — Alfieri employed a respectable young 



82 ANECDOTES. 

man at Florence to assist him in his Greek translations ; and 
the manner in which that instruction was received was not 
a little eccentric. The latter slowly read aloud and transla- 
ted, while Alfieri, with his pencil and tablets in his hand, 
walked about the room and put down his version. This he 
did without speaking a word ; and when he found his pre- 
ceptor reciting too quickly, or when he did not understand 
the passage, he held up his pencil. This was the signal for 
repetition, and the last sentence was slowly recited or the 
reading was stopped until a tap from the poet's pencil upon 
the table warned the translator that he might continue his 
lecture. The lesson began and concluded with a slight and 
silent obeisance ; and during thirteen months thus spent, the 
count scarcely spoke as many words to the assistant of his 
studies. 



Littleton's Dictionary. — When Littleton was com- 
piling his Latin Dictionary he employed an amanuensis. 
One day he announced the word concurro to the ready 
scribe, who, thinking he could translate it himself, said, 
" Concur, I suppose ;" to which the doctor peevishly replied, 
" Con-cur ! con-dog!" The secretary, whose business it 
was to write down whatever his master dictated, did his 
duty. Condog was inserted, and actually printed, as one 
interpretation of concurro, in the edition of 1678, though it 
was corrected in all subsequent ones. 



ABSTRACTION. 

Sir Isaac Newton, finding himself extremely cold one 
evening in winter, drew his chair very close to the grate, 
in which a large fire had recently been kindled. By de- 
grees, the fire having completely kindled, Sir Isaac felt the 
heat intolerably intense, and rang his bell with unusual vio- 
lence. His servant was not at hand at the moment, but he 
soon made his appearance. By this time Sir Isaac was 
almost literally roasted. " Remove the grate, you lazy ras- 
cal !" he exclaimed, in a tone of irritation very uncommon 
with that amiable and bland philosopher ; " remove the 
grate before I am burned to death !" " And pray, master," 
said the servant, "might you not rather draw back your 
chair ?" " Upon my word," said Sir Isaac, smiling, " T 
never thought of that." 



LITERARY. 83 

William Mason. — William Mason, Esq., author of the 
" Spiritual Treasury," while engaged in that work, was called 
upon by a gentleman on business. Instead of taking his 
name and address as desired, and as he thought he had done, 
he wrote the chapter and verse on which he had been med- 
itating ; and when he came afterward to look at the paper, 
in order to wait upon the gentleman, he found nothing upon 
it but Acts the second, verse the eighth ; so much was his 
mind absorbed in divine things. 

Absence of Mind. — A very absent divine, finding his 
sight begin to fail, purchased a pair of spectacles ; and on 
the first day of using them, preached for a brother clergy- 
man, but was observed to have them at the top of his fore- 
head during the whole sermon. " So you have, at last, 
taken to spectacles, doctor ?" said a friend after the service. 
" Yes," returned the unconscious absentee, " I found I could 
not do without them, and I wonder now I never used them 
till to-day I" 

La Fontaine. — La Fontaine is recorded to have been one 
of the most absent of men ; and Furetiere relates a circum- 
stance which, if true, is one of the most singular distractions 
possible. La Fontaine attended the burial of one of his 
friends, and some time afterward he called to visit him. At 
first he was shocked at the information of his death ; but, re- 
covering from his surprise, he observed, " It is true enough, 
for now I recollect I went to his burial." 



Death of Archimedes. — When Syracuse was taken, 
Archimedes was describing mathematical figures upon the 
earth ; and when one of the enemy came upon him, sword 
in hand, and asked his name, he was so engrossed with the 
desire of preserving the figures entire that he answered 
only by an earnest request to the soldier to keep off, and 
not break in upon his circle. The soldier, conceiving him- 
self scorned, ran Archimedes through the body, the pur- 
ple streams gushing from which soon obliterated all traces 
of the problem on which he had been so intent. Thus 
fell this illustrious man, from the mere neglect to tell his 
name ; for it is due to the Roman general, Marcellus, to 
state that he had given special orders to his men to respect 
the life and person of the philosopher. 

Sir Isaac Newton and the Kittens — It is well known 



84 ANECDOTES 

to the close observers of mankind, that the most ingenious 
philosophers are often most signally deficient in the exercise 
of what is called common sense. This observation was re- 
markably illustrated in the case of Sir Isaac Newton, who 
is generally ranked as the most profound mathematician and 
astronomer that ever lived. His study was frequented by a 
favourite cat, which found ingress and egress through a hole 
cut in the door just large enough to admit her body. This 
cat having produced a brood of kittens, when they began to 
run about the philosopher was much fretted to think that 
they would be confined entirely to the room unless some 
mode was devised by which they also, as well as their 
mother, could be provided with the means of exit as often as 
they pleased. He, however, at length hit upon an expedient, 
and had a small hole cut in his study door, through which 
the little cats were enabled to pass, while the large hole 
continued to be used by the mother. 



An Absent Genius. — The Rev. George Harvest, min- 
ister of Thames Ditton, was one of the most absent men of 
his time. He was a good scholar, a lover of good eating, 
and a great fisherman ; very negligent in his dress, and a be- 
liever in ghosts. 

In his youth Harvest was contracted to a daughter of 
the Bishop of London ; but on the day agreed upon for his 
wedding, being gudgeon fishing, he overstayed the appointed 
time ; and the lady, justly offended at this neglect, broke off 
the match. 

He used frequently to forget the prayer days, and would 
walk into church with his fishing-rod and tackle to see what 
could have assembled the people. In company he never put 
the bottle round, but always rilled when it stood opposite to 
him ; so that he very often took half a dozen glasses in 
succession. Wherever he slept, he perverted the use of 
everything ; wrapped the handtowel round his head, put the 
nightcap over the juglet, and went between the sheets with 
his boots on. 

Once, being to preach before the clergy at a Visitation, 
Harvest took three sermons with him in his pocket. Some 
wags contrived to get possession of them, unstitched them, 
and, after mixing the leaves, sewed them up again into three 
separate sermons as before. Mr. Harvest took the first that 
came to his hand, began delivering it, and, as may easily be 
imagined, lost the thread of his discourse. He was not in- 
sensible to the strange confusion in which he found himself 



LITERARV. 85 

entangled, but nevertheless continued till he had preached 
out first all the churchwardens, and next the clergy, who 
thought he was taken mad. 

With Mr. Arthur Onslow, the father of Lord Onslow, and 
Speaker of the House of Commons, Mr. Harvest was also 
on terms of great intimacy. Being one day in a punt to- 
gether on the Thames, Mr. Harvest began to read a beauti- 
ful passage in some Greek author; and throwing himself 
backward in an ecstasy, fell into the water, whence he was 
with difficulty fished out. 

In the latter part of his life no one would lend or let Mr. 
Harvest a horse, as he frequently lost his beast from under 
him, or, at least, out of his hands. It was his practice to dis- 
mount and lead his horse, putting the bridle under his arm ; 
sometimes the horse would pull away the bridle unobserved ; 
and as often it was taken off the horse's head by mischiev- 
ous boys, and the parson was seen drawing the bridle after 
him. 



ASSOCIATION. 

Nautical Sermon. — When Whitfield preached before 
the seamen at New- York, he had the following bold apos- 
trophe : 

" Well, my boys, we have a clear sky, and are making 
fine headway over a smooth sea, before a light breeze, and 
we shall soon lose sight of the land ; but what means this 
sudden lowering of the heavens, and that dark cloud rising 
from beneath the western horizon ? Hark ! Don't you hear 
distant thunder ? Don't you see those flashes of lightning ? 
There is a storm gathering ! Every man to his duty ! How 
the waves rise and dash against the ship ! The air is dark ! 
The tempest rages ! Our masts are gone ! The ship is on 
her beam ends ! What next ?" 

It is said that the unsuspecting tars, reminded of former 
perils on the deep, as if struck by the power of magic, rose 
with united voice and minds, and exclaimed, Take to the 
long-boat. — Mirror. 



Napoleon. — The Emperor Napoleon, whose present 
cares might be supposed to have broken the chain of thought 
and feeling that bound him to the past, is said to have ex- 
pressed himself thus : " Last Sunday evening, in the general 



86 ANECDOTES. 

silence of Nature, I was walking in these grounds (of Mal- 
maison). The sound of the church bell of Ruel fell upon 
my ear, and renewed all the impressions of my youth. I 
was profoundly afTected, such is the power of my early as- 
sociations and habit;. and I considered, if such was the case 
with me, what must be the effect of such recollections upon 
the more simple and credulous vulgar ?" 

Native African. — It is related in one of the published 
lectures of Dr. Rush, that an old native African was per- 
mitted by his master, a number of years since, to go from 
home in order to see a lion that was conducted as a show 
through the State of New-Jersey. He no sooner saw him 
than he was so transported with joy as to express his emo- 
tions by jumping, dancing, and loud acclamations, notwith- 
standing the torpid habits of mind and body superinduced 
by half a century of slavery. He had known that animal 
when a boy in his native country, and the sight of him sud- 
denly revived the memory of his early enjoyments, his native 
land, his home, his associates, and his freedom. 



Remarkable Remedy. — Dr. Rush says, during the time 
I passed at a country school in Cecil county, in Maryland, 
I often went on a holyday with my schoolmates to see an 
eagle's nest, upon the summit of a dead tree in the neigh- 
bourhood of the school, during the time of the incubation of 
that bird. The daughter of the farmer in whose field this 
tree stood, and with whom I became acquainted, married, 
and settled in this city about forty years ago. In our occa- 
sional interviews we now and then spoke of the innocent 
haunts and rural pleasures of our youth, and among other 
things of the eagle's nest in her father's field. A few years 
ago I was called to visit this woman when she was in the 
lowest stage of the typhus fever. Upon entering her room 
I caught her eye, and, with a cheerful tone of voice, said 
only, " The eagle's nest." She seized my hand, without 
being able to speak, and discovered strong emotions of pleas- 
ure in her countenance, probably from a sudden association 
of all early domestic connexions and enjoyments with the 
words I had uttered. From that time she began to recover. 
She is now living, and seldom fails when we meet to salute 
me with the echo of the " eagle's nest " 



LITERARY. 87 



MEMORY. 



Strength of Memory. — An Englishman at a certain 
time came to Frederic the Great of Prussia for the express 
purpose of giving him an exhibition of his powers of recol- 
lection. Frederic sent for Voltaire, who read to his majesty 
a pretty long poem which he had just finished. The Eng- 
lishman was present, and was in such a position that he could 
hear every word of the poem, but was concealed from Vol- 
taire's notice. After the reading of the poem was finished 
Frederic observed to the author that the production could no 
be an original one, as there was a foreign gentleman present 
who could recite every word of it. Voltaire listened with 
amazement to the stranger, as he repeated, word for word, 
the poem which he had been at so much pains in compo- 
sing ; and, giving way to a momentary freak of passion, he 
tore the manuscript in pieces. A statement being made to 
him of the circumstances, mitigated his anger, and he was 
very willing to do penance for the suddenness of his passion 
by copying down the work from a second repetition of it by 
the stranger, who was able to go through with it as before. 



Bishop Jewel. — Bishop Jewel had naturally a very 
strong memory, which he had greatly improved by art, so 
that he could exactly repeat whatever he wrote after once 
reading. While the bell was ringing he committed to 
memory a repetition sermon, and pronounced it without hes- 
itation. He was a constant preacher; and, in his own ser- 
mons, his course was to write down only the heads, and 
meditate upon the rest while the bell was ringing to church. 
So firm was his memory, that he used to say, if he were to 
deliver a premeditated speech before a thousand auditors, 
shouting or fighting all the while, they would not put him 
out. John Hooper, bishop of Gloucester, who was burned 
in the reign of Queen Mary, once, to try him, wrote about 
forty Welsh and Irish words. Mr. Jewel going a little while 
aside and recollecting them in his memory, and reading 
them twice or thrice over, said them by heart backward and 
forward, exactly in the same order as they were set down. 
And another time he did the same by ten lines of Erasmus's 
paraphrase in English ; the words of which being read some- 
times confusedly without order, and sometimes in order by 
the Lord Keeper Bacon, Mr. Jewel thinking a while on 
them, presently repeated them again backward and forward, 
in their right order and in their wrong, just as they were 



88 ANECDOTES. 

read to him ; and he taught his tutor, Mr. Parkhurst, the 
same art. 



Professor Porson. — Professor Porson, when a boy at 
Eton School, discovered the most astonishing powers of 
memory. In going up to a lesson one day, he was accosted 
by a boy on the same form, " Porson, what have you got 
there ?" " Horace." " Let me look at it." Porson handed 
the book to the boy, who, pretending to return it, dexter- 
ously substituted another in its place, with which Porson 
proceeded. Being called on by the master, he read and 
construed Carm. 1, x. very regularly. Observing the class 
to laugh, the master said, " Porson, you seem to be reading 
on one side of the page, while I am looking at the other ; 
pray, whose edition have you ?" Porson hesitated. " Let 
me see it," rejoined the master ; who, to his great surprise, 
found it to be an English Ovid. Porson was ordered to go 
on, which he did easily, correctly, and promptly, to the end 
of the ode. 



Alick. — There is still living at Stirling a blind old beg- 
gar, known to all the country round by the name of Alick. 
who possesses a memory of almost incalculable strength. 
It was observed with astonishment, that when he was a man, 
and obliged by the death of his parents to gain a livelihood 
by begging through the streets of his native town of Stirling, 
he knew the whole of the Bible, both Old and New Testa- 
ments, by heart ; from which you may repeat any passage, 
and he will tell you the chapter and verse ; or you may tell 
him the chapter and verse, and he will repeat to you the 
passage, word for word. Not long since, a gentleman, to 
puzzle him, read, with a slight verbal alteration, a verse of the 
Bible. Alick hesitated a moment, and then told where it was 
to be found, but said it had not been correctly delivered. 
He then gave it as it stood in the book, correcting the slight 
error that had been purposely introduced. The gentleman 
then asked him for the ninetieth verse of the seventh chap- 
ter of Numbers. Alick was again puzzled for a moment, 
but then said hastily, " You are fooling me, sir ! there is 
no such verse. That chapter has only eighty-nine verses." 
Several other experiments of the sort were tried upon him 
with the same success. He has often been questioned the 
day after hearing any particular sermon or speech ; and his 
examiners have invariably found that, had their patience al- 
lowed, blind Alick would have given them the sermon or 
speech. 



LITERARY. 89 



CRITICISM. 

When Pope was first introduced to read his Iliad to 
Lord Halifax, the noble critic did not venture to be dis- 
satisfied with so perfect a composition ; but, like the cardi- 
nal, this passage and that word, this turn and that expres- 
sion, formed the broken cant of his criticisms. The honest 
poet was stung with vexation ; for, in general, the parts at 
which his lordship hesitated were those of which he was 
most satisfied. As he returned home with Sir Samuel Garth 
he revealed to him his anxiety of mind. " Oh," replied 
Garth, laughing, " you are not so well acquainted with his 
lordship as myself; he must criticise. At your next visit 
read to him those very passages as they now stand ; tell him 
that you have recollected his criticisms ; and I'll warrant 
you of his approbation of them. This is what I have done 
a hundred times myself." Pope made use of this stratagem ; 
it took, like the marble-dust of Angelo ; and my lord, like the 
cardinal, exclaimed, " Dear Pope, they are now inimitable !" 

Punctuation. — When Lord Timothy Dexter, of New- 
buryport, wrote his book, entitled " A Pikel for the Knowing 
Ones," there happened to be many heresies, schisms, and 
false doctrines abroad in the land regarding punctuation, and 
as many diverse systems appeared for locating commas, 
semicolons, periods, dashes, &c, as there were words pub- 
lished. To obviate this difficulty, and to give every one an 
opportunity of suiting himself, his lordship left out all marks 
of punctuation from the body of his work, and at the ending 
of his book has printed four or five pages of nothing but 
stops and pauses, with which he said the reader could pepper 
his dish as he chose. 



Michael Angelo. — Angelo was requested by the gon- 
faloniere Soderini at Florence to undertake to form a statue 
out of a misshapen block, on which Simon da Fiesole had 
many years before been unsuccessfully employed in endeav- 
ouring to represent the proportions of a giant in marble. 
Angelo fearlessly accepted the commission ; and, in spite of 
the difficulties to be encountered, succeeded in producing 
the beautiful figure known under the name of the David, and 
which now stands in front of the Palazzo Vecchio. 

The statue being finished, the gonfaloniere, who professed 
himself a connoisseur, came to inspect the purchase, and, 

M 



90 ANECDOTES. 

among other criticisms which he made, objected to the nose, 
pronouncing it to be out of all due proportion to the rest of 
the figure, and added that he wished some reduction should 
take place in its size. Angeloknew well with whom he had 
to deal; he mounted the scaffold, for the figure is upward 
of twelve feet high, and giving a few sonorous but harmless 
blows with his hammer on the stone, let fall a handful of 
marble-dust which he had scraped up from the floor below ; 
and then, descending from his station, turned to the gonfal- 
oniere with a look expectant of his approbation. " Ay," 
exclaimed the sagacious critic, "this is excellent; now you 
have given it life indeed." M. Angelo was content, and re- 
ceiving his four hundred scudi for his task, wisely said no 
more ; it would have been no gratification to a man like him 
to have shown the incapacity of a critic like Soderini. 

Royal Criticism. — Zuccaro, one of the painters em- 
ployed on the Escurial, failed of giving the king satisfaction, 
but he was notwithstanding munificently rewarded. " Se- 
nor," said Zuccaro one day, as he was displaying a painting 
of the Nativity for the great altar of the Escurial, "you 
now behold all that art can execute ; beyond this which I 
have done, the powers of painting cannot go." The king 
was silent for some time, and so unmoved that neither ap- 
probation nor contempt could be determined from the ex- 
pression of his countenance ; at last, preserving still the same 
indifference, he asked if those were eggs which one of the 
shepherds, in the act of running, carried in his basket. The 
painter answered that they were. '"Tis well he did not 
break them," said the king, and turned away. 



Confusion of Words. — " There is nothing more com- 
mon," says the lively Voltaire, IC than to read and converse 
to no purpose. In history, in morals, in law, in physic, and 
in divinity, be careful of equivocal terms. One of the an- 
cients wrote a book to prove that there was no word which 
did not convey an ambiguous meaning. If we possessed 
this lost book, our ingenious dictionaries of * synonymes* 
would not probably prove its uselessness. Whenever the 
same word is associated by the parties with different names, 
they may converse or controverse till ' the crack of doom ?' 
This, with a little obstinacy and some agility in shifting his 
ground, makes the fortune of an opponent. While one party 
is worried in disentangling a meaning, and the other is wind- 
ing and unwinding about him with another, a word of the 



LITERARY. 91 

kind we have mentioned, carelessly or perversely slipped 
into an argument, may prolong it for a century or two, as 
it has happened !" 

Vaugelas. — Vaugelas, who passed his whole life in the 
study of words, would not allow that the sense was to deter- 
mine the meaning of words ; for, says he, it is the business 
of ivords to explain the sense. Kant for a long while dis- 
covered in this way a facility of arguing without end, as at 
this moment do our political economists. " I beseech you," 
exclaims a poetical critic, in the agony of a " confusion 
of words," " not to ask whether I mean this or that /" 
Our critic, convinced that he has made himself understood, 
grows immortal by obscurity ! for he shows how a few sim- 
ple words, not intelligible, may admit of volumes of vindica- 
tion. Throw out a word capable of fifty senses, and you 
raise fifty parties ! Should some friend of peace enable the 
fifty to repose on one sense, that innocent word, no longer 
ringing the tocsin of a party, would lie in forgetfulness in 
the dictionary. Still more provoking when an identity of 
meaning is only disguised by different modes of expression, 
and when the term has been closely sifted, to their mutual 
astonishment, both parties discover the same thing lying 
under the bran and chaff after this heated operation. 

Plato and Aristotle probably agreed much better than the 
opposite parties they raised up imagined ; their difference 
was in the manner of expression rather than in the points 
discussed. 



The nominalists and the realists, who once filled the world 
with their brawls, and who from irregular words came to 
regular blows, could never comprehend their alternate non- 
sense, though the nominalists only denied what no one in his 
senses would affirm, and the realists only contended for what 
no one in his senses would deny ; a hair's breadth might 
have joined what the spirit of party had sundered ! 

The blind Controversialists. — In our inquiries after 
truth and defence of it, it ill becomes us to manifest a big- 
oted, petulant disposition. We may, with all our zeal, be 
mistaken. 

A certain philanthropist, observing some poor blind men, 
very humanely furnished each of them with a staff to help 
them on their way ; but they, instead of thanking him, avail- 



92 ANECDOTES. 

ing themselves of the aid thus afforded them, and assisting 
each other in the use of it, quickly fell into disputes respect- 
ing its length, breadth, and thickness, till, being unable to 
adopt the same conclusion, and equally unwilling to agree 
to differ on the subject, forgetting the end for which the staff 
was bestowed and the purpose to which it should be applied, 
in the heat of their contention they actually employed it as 
a cudgel, with which they beat one another most unmerci- 
fully. Thus angry controversialists too often use the Bible ; 
that which was given them for their support they convert 
into an instrument of discord and disputation. 

The Cobbler. — A cobbler at Leydeh, who used to attend 
the public disputations held at the academy, was once asked 
if he understood Latin. " No," replied the mechanic, " but 
I know who is wrong in the argument." " How ?" replied 
his friend. " Why, by seeing who is angry first." 

Bishop Patrick. — " There were two men," says Bishop 
Patrick, " who, a little before the sun was up, fell into a very 
earnest debate concerning that part of the heavens wherein 
that glorious body was to rise that day. In this contro- 
versy they suffered themselves to be so far engaged, that at 
last they fell together by the ears, and ceased not their buf- 
feting till they had beaten out each other's eyes ; and it so 
came to pass that, when a little after the sun did show his 
face, neither of these doughty champions could discern one 
jot. So it is often with controversialists." 

Martin Luther used to pray, " From a vainglorious doc- 
tor, a contentious pastor, and nice questions, the Lord de- 
liver his church." 



Sir Isaac Newton had a great aversion to controversy, for 
he did not like to have the calm repose of his life interrupted 
by literary disputes. When his treatise on Optics was ready 
for the press, on some objections being made to it, he de- 
ferred the publication. " I should reproach myself," said he, 
" were I to sacrifice repose, which is a substance, to run after 
reputation, which is only a shadow." 

Too big a Booh. — The following anecdote is illustrative 
of the importance that may be justly attached to most con- 
troverted subjects : 

A man being about to purchase a young horse, was fearful 
he might prove skittish, as the phrase is, and in order to test 



LITERARY. 93 

his steadiness or strength of nerve, directed his boy to go a 
little way off, behind the next corner, and he would ride the 
colt down opposite to him, when the boy should start sud- 
denly out and cry " booh !" and if the colt could stand that, 
it would be proof enough of his being firm and well broke. 
The boy took his station, and the man mounted and rode 
along ; but when he came opposite the corner, and the boy 
jumped out and cried " booh !" the colt threw him off. The 
rider picked himself up soon, however, and rubbing his 
shoulders and shins, asked the boy what he did so for. 
" Why, father," said the boy, " you told me to say booh /" 
" Yes," said the old man, " but there was no need of saying 
such a big booh to such a little horse." 

The two Knights ; or, Zeal to be Discriminated and 
Examined. — Many things must concur before we can be al- 
lowed to determine whether zeal be a virtue or a vice. 
Those who are contending for the one or the other will be 
in the situation of the two knights, who, meeting on a cross- 
road, were on the point of fighting about the colour of a cross 
that was suspended between them. One insisted it was 
gold, the other maintained it was silver. The duel was pre- 
vented by the interference of a passenger, who desired them 
to change their positions. Both crossed over to the opposite 
sides ; found the cross was gold on one side and silver on 
the other. Each then acknowledged his opponent to be right. 

Custom and Habit. — Whatever be the cause, says Lord 
Karnes, it is an established fact that we are much influ- 
enced by custom : it hath an effect upon our pleasures, 
upon our actions, and even upon our thoughts and sentiments. 
Habit makes no figure during the vivacity of youth ; in mid- 
dle age it gains ground; and in old age governs without 
control. In that period of life, generally speaking, we eat 
at a certain hour, take exercise at a certain hour, go to rest 
at a certain hour, all by the direction of habit ; nay, a par- 
ticular seat, table, bed, comes to be essential : and a habit 
in any of these cannot be contradicted without uneasiness. 

" The mind," says Mr. Cogan, " frequently acquires a 
strong and invincible attachment to whatever has been fa- 
miliar to it for any length of time. Habit, primarily intro- 
duced by accident or necessity, will inspire an affection for 
peculiarities which have the reverse of intrinsic merit to 
recommend them." 

" I once attended," says the last-mentioned author, " a 



94 ANECDOTES. 

prisoner of some distinction in one of the prisons of the me- 
tropolis, ill of a typhus fever, whose apartments were gloomy 
in the extreme, and surrounded with horrors ; yet this pris- 
oner assured me afterward that, upon his release, he left 
them with a degree of reluctance ; custom had reconciled 
him to the twilight admitted through the thick barred grate, 
to the filthy spots and patches of his plastered walls, to the 
hardness of his bed, and even to confinement. He had his 
books, was visited by his friends, and was greatly amused 
and interested in the anecdotes of the place. 

" An officer of the municipality at Leyden also informed 
the author of an instance which marks yet more strongly the 
force of habit. A poor woman who had for some misde- 
meanour been sentenced to confinement for a certain number 
of years, upon the expiration of the term immediately ap- 
plied to him for readmission. She urged that all her worldly 
comforts were fled, and her only wish was to be indulged 
in those imparted by habit. She moreover threatened that, 
if this could not be granted as a favour, she would commit 
some offence that should give her a title to be reinstated in 
the accustomed lodgings." Thus we see that custom is a 
catholicon for pain and distress. 

Force of Habit. — Previous to the reign of Joseph the 
Second, ignominious punishments were unknown among 
the Likanians and Croatians of the mountains, and it was no 
small difficulty to substitute them for others of a more bar- 
barous nature. The emperor one day reviewing the Lika- 
nians in Gospich, their principal district, he said to the col- 
onel, " These brave fellows, I know, are beaten unmercifully 
let this treatment be discontinued." " Sire," replied the col- 
onel, " I can assure your majesty that twenty-five strokes of 
a cane are nothing to a Likanian ; nay, he would submit to 
receive them for a glass of brandy." The emperor, who was 
incredulous, soon had a proof of the veracity of this state- 
ment. A soldier had been sentenced to receive one hundred 
strokes ; the emperor arrived when he had undergone half 
the punishment, and remitted the rest. To his extreme 
mortification, the culprit immediately burst into a laugh at 
the extravagant clemency of his sovereign. 



Mathematical Habits. — Joseph Sauveur, the eminent 
French mathematician, was twice married ; the first time he 
took a very singular precaution : he would not meet the lady 
till he had been with a notary to have the conditions which 



LITERARY. 95 

he intended to insist on reduced into writing, for fear the 
sight of her should not leave him sufficiently master of him- 
self. This, says Dr. Hutton, was acting very wisely, and 
like a true mathematician, who always proceeds by rule and 
line, and makes his calculations when his head is cool. 



Old Habits. — The Duke de Nivernois was acquainted 
with the Countess de Rochefort, and never omitted going to 
see her a single evening. As she was a widow and he a 
widower, one of his friends observed to him, it would be 
more convenient for him to marry that lady. " I have often 
thought so," said he, " but one thing prevents me ; in that 
case, ivhere should I spend my evenings . ? " 

Force of Habit. — " The most extraordinary instance of 
the force of habit I ever beheld," says Mr. Curwen, M.P., 
"was about forty years ago, on a visit to the Isle of Man. 
On stopping at the Calf of Man, a small islet on its south- 
western extremity, I found that the warrener's cot, the only 
human abode on the islet, was kept by his sister. For several 
months in the year these two persons were completely isola- 
ted, and never even heard the sound of a third human voice 
unless when the intervals of the raging storm conveyed the 
unavailing cries of the shipwrecked mariner. To support 
such an existence seemed to require, in a rational being, 
nerves of supernatural strength, or the influence of habit from 
the earliest period of life. Curious to ascertain how she 
could endure so desolate a life and such complete banish- 
ment from all human intercourse, I inquired if she were not 
very miserable ; if she had always been accustomed to dwell 
in that dreary abode. To the first I was answered in the 
negative ; to the last, my surprise was converted into per- 
fect astonishment when I understood that, in the outset of 
her life, she had passed six-and-twenty years in St. James's- 
street. This communication excited still more my wonder, 
and made what I then saw and heard incomprehensible." 



The Thread of Discourse. — Some people contract 
strong habits of what may be called external association, the 
body being more concerned in it than the mind, and ex- 
ternal things than ideas. They connect a certain action with 
a certain object, so that without the one they cannot easily 
perform the other, although, independently of habit, there is 
no connexion between them. Dr. Beattie mentions the case 
of a clergyman who could not compose his sermon except 



96 ANECDOTES. 

when he held a foot-rule in his hand ; and of another who, 
while he was employed in study, would always be rolling 
between his fingers a parcel of peas, whereof he constantly 
kept a trencherful within reach of his arm. Locke speaks 
of a young man who, in one particular room where an old 
trunk stood, could dance very well ; but in any other room, 
if it wanted such a piece of furniture, could not dance at all. 
A writer in the Tatler mentions a more probable instance 
of a lawyer, who in his pleadings used always to be twisting 
about his finger a piece of packthread, which the punsters of 
that time called, with some reason, the thread of his discourse. 
One day a client of his had a mind to see how he would ac- 
quit himself without it, and stole it from him. The conse- 
quence was, that the orator became silent in the midst of his 
harangue, and the client suffered for his waggery by the loss 
of his cause. 



ELOQUENCE. 

Cicero. — " How long wilt thou, oh Catiline, abuse our 
patience ? How long shall thy madness outbrave our jus- 
tice ? To what extremities art thou resolved to push thy 
unbridled insolence of guilt? Canst thou behold the noc- 
turnal arms that watch the Palatium, the guards of the city, 
the consternation of the citizens, all the wise and worthy 
clustering into consultation, the impregnable situation of the 
seat of the senate, and the reproachful looks of the fathers 
of Rome ? Canst thou behold all this, and yet remain 
undaunted and unabashed ? Art thou insensible that thy 
measures are detected ? Art thou insensible that this sen- 
ate, now thoroughly informed, comprehend the whole extent 
of thy guilt ? Show me the senator ignorant of thy practices 
during the last and preceding night, of the place where you 
met, the company you summoned, and the crime you con- 
certed ? The senate is conscious, the consul is witness to 
all this ; yet, oh how mean and degenerate ! the traitor lives ! 
Lives ? he mixes with the senate ; he shares in our counsels ; 
with a steady eye he surveys us; he anticipates his guilt; 
he enjoys the murderous thought, and coolly marks us to 
bleed ! Yet we, boldly passive in our country's cause, think 
we act like Romans if we can escape his frantic rage !" 

Here is eloquence ! here is nature ! And in thus speak- 
ing her language the true orator pierces with his lightnings 



LITERARY. 97 

the deepest recesses of the heart. The success of this spe- 
cies of oratory is infallible in the pulpit, when the preacher 
understands how to manage it. 

Pericles. — The eloquence of Pericles, which his coun 
trymen were wont to designate by the attribute of " thunder 
and lightning," must have mingled a wondrous share of the 
persuasive in its power over the passions. When Thucydi- 
des, the Milesian, one of his great opponents in state matters, 
was asked by Archidamus, king of Sparta, which was the 
better wrestler, Pericles or himself, " It is in vain," replied 
Thucydides, " to wrestle with that man. As often as I have 
cast him to the ground, he has as stoutly denied it ; and when 
I would maintain that he had got the fall, he would as ob- 
stinately maintain the reverse ; and so efficaciously withal, 
that he has made all who heard him, nay, the very specta 
tors, believe him." 

Edward IV. — On this prince's declaration of war against 
Louis XI. of France, he addressed his parliament in an able 
speech, which concluded with the following impressive 
words : 

" But I detain you too long by my speech from action. I 
see the clouds of dire revenge gathering in your hearts, and 
the lightning of fury break from your eyes, which bodes 
thunder against our enemy ; let us therefore lose no time, 
but suddenly and severely scourge this perjured court to a 
severe repentance, and regain honour to our nation, and his 
kingdom to our crown." 



Tecumseh. — The Indian warrior Tecumseh, who fell in 
the late American war, was not only an accomplished mili- 
tary commander, but also a great natural statesman and ora- 
tor. Among the many strange, and some strongly charac- 
teristic, events in his life, the council which the American 
General Harrison held with the Indians at Vincennes, in 
1811, affords an admirable instance of the sublimity which 
sometimes distinguished his eloquence. The chiefs of some 
tribes had come to complain of a purchase of lands which 
had been made from the Kickafoos. This council effected 
nothing, but broke up in confusion, in consequence of Te- 
cumseh having called General Harrison " a liar." It was in 
the progress of the long talks that took place in the confer- 
ence that Tecumseh, having finished one of his speeches, 
looked round, and seeing every one seated, while no seat 

N 5 



98 ANECDOTES. 

was prepared for him, a momentary frown passed over his 
countenance. Instantly General Harrison ordered that a 
chair should be given him. Some person presented one, 
and, bowing, said to him, "Warrior, your father, General 
Harrison, offers you a seat." Tecumseh's dark eye flashed. 
" My father !" he exclaimed, indignantly, extending his arm 
towards the heavens ; " the sun is my father, and the earth is 
my mother; she gives me nourishment, and I repose upon her 
bosom." As he ended he sat down suddenly on the ground. 

Patrick Henry. — When Patrick Henry, who gave the 
first impulse to the ball of American revolution, introduced 
his celebrated resolution on the stamp act into the House of 
Burgesses of Virginia (May, 1765), he exclaimed, when des- 
canting on the tyranny of the obnoxious act, " Caesar had his 
Brutus ; Charles the First his Cromwell ; and George the 
Third — " " Treason !" cried the speaker ; " treason ! trea- 
son !" echoed from every part of the house. It was one 
of those trying moments which are decisive of character. 
Henry faltered not for an instant ; but rising to a loftier at- 
titude, and fixing on the speaker an eye flashing with fire, 
continued, " may 'profit by their example. If this be trea- 
son, make the most of it." 

In 1774 he appeared in the venerable body of the old 
Continental Congress of the United States when it met for 
the first time. Henry broke the silence which for a while 
overawed the minds of all present, and as he proceeded, 
rose with the magnitude and importance of the subject to the 
noblest displays of argument and of eloquence. " This," 
said he, " is not the time for ceremony ; the question before 
the house is one of awful moment to this country. It is 
nothing less than freedom or slavery. If we wish to be free, 
we must fight ; I repeat it, sir, we must fight ! an appeal to 
arms and to the God of Hosts is all that is left us. It is in 
vain, sir, to extenuate the matter. Gentlemen may cry 
peace ! peace ! but there is no peace. The war is actually 
begun. The next gale that sweeps from the north will bring 
to our ears the clash of resounding arms ; our brethren are 
already in the field ! why stand we here idle ? What is it 
that gentlemen wish ? What would they have ? Is life so 
dear, and peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of 
chains and slavery ? Forbid it, Almighty God ! I know not 
what course others may take, but as for me," cried he, with 
both his arms extended aloft, his brows knit, every feature 
marked with the resolute purpose of his soul, and his voice 



LITERARY. 99 

swelled to its boldest note of exclamation, "give me liberty 
or give me death !" He took his seat, and the cry " to 
arms !" seemed to quiver upon every lip and gleam from 
every eye. 

Henry lived to behold the glorious issue of that revolution 
which his genius had set in motion ; and, to use his own 
prophetic language before the commencement of the revolu- 
tion, " to see America take her station among the nations of 
the earth." 



A Secret. — Mr. Jones, in his Life of Bishop Home, 
speaking of Dr. Hinchcliffe, bishop of Peterborough, says, 
that in the pulpit he " spoke with the accent of a man of 
sense (such as he really was in a superior degree) ; but it 
was remarkable, and, to those who did not know the cause, 
mysterious, that there was not a corner of the church in 
which he could not be heard distinctly." The reason which 
Mr. Jones assigns was, that he made it an invariable rule 
" to do justice to every consonant, knowing that the vowels 
will be sure to speak for themselves. And thus he became 
the surest and clearest of speakers ; his elocution was per 
feet, and never disappointed his audience." 



Logan the Indian. — Logan, the celebrated Indian chief, 
who had long been a zealous partisan of the English, and 
had often distinguished himself in their service, was taken 
prisoner and brought before the General Assembly of Vir- 
ginia, who hesitated whether he should be tried by a court- 
martial as a soldier, or at the criminal bar for high treason 
Logan interrupted their deliberations, and stated to the as- 
sembly that they had no jurisdiction to try him ; " that he 
owed no allegiance to the King of England, being an Indian 
chief, independent of every nation." In answer to their in- 
quiries as to his motives for taking up arms against the 
English, he thus addressed the assembly : 

" I appeal to any white man to say if ever he entered Lo- 
gan's cabin hungry, and I gave him not meat ; if ever he 
came cold or naked, and I gave him not clothing. During 
the last long and bloody war, Logan remained idle in his 
tent, an advocate for peace ; nay, such was my love for the 
whites, that those of my own country pointed at me as they 
passed by, and said, Logan is the friend of white men. I 
had ever thought to live with you, but for the injuries of one 
man. Colonel Cressap the last spring, in cold blood and 
unprovoked, cut off all the relations of Logan, not sparing 



100 ANECDOTES. 

even my women and children. There runs not a drop of 
my blood in the veins of any human creature. This called 
on me for revenge. I have sought it. I have killed many. 
I have fully glutted my vengeance. For my country, I re- 
joice at the beams of peace. But do not harbour the thought 
that mine is the joy of fear. Logan never felt fear. He 
will not turn his heel to save his life. Who is there to 
mourn for Logan? Not one." 

This pathetic and affecting speech touched the sensibility 
of all who heard him. The General Assembly applauded his 
noble sentiments, and immediately set him at liberty. Every 
house in Virginia vied with each other which should enter- 
tain him the best or show him the most respect; and he 
returned to his native country loaded with presents and hon- 
ours. 



Effect. — Mr. Lee, the barrister, was famous for studying 
effect when he pleaded. On the circuit of Norwich a brief 
was brought to him by the relatives of a woman who had 
been deceived into a breach of promise of marriage. Lee 
inquired, among other particulars, whether the woman was 
handsome. " A most beautiful face," was the answer. 
Satisfied with this, he desired she should be placed at the 
bar, immediately in front of the jury. When he rose he 
began a most pathetic and eloquent address, directing the 
attention of the jury to the charms which were placed in 
their view, and painting in glowing colours the guilt of the 
wretch who could injure so much beauty. When he per- 
ceived their feelings worked up to a proper pitch, he sat 
down, under the perfect conviction that he should obtain a 
verdict. What, then, must have been his surprise, when the 
counsel retained by the opposite party rose and observed, 
" that it was impossible not to assent to the encomiums which 
his learned friend had lavished on the face of the plaintiff; 
but he had forgot to say that she had a wooden leg /" This 
fact, of which Lee was by no means aware, was established 
to his utter confusion. His eloquence was thrown away ; 
and the jury, who felt ashamed of the effects it had produced 
upon them, instantly gave a verdict against him. 

Physiognomy. — A witness was one day called to the bar 
of the House of Commons, when some one took notice and 
pointedly remarked upon his ill looks. Mr. Fox (afterward 
Lord Holland), whose gloomy countenance strongly marked 
his character, observed "that it was unjust, ungenerous, 



LITERARY. 101 

and unmanly to censure a man for that signature which God 
had impressed upon his countenance, and which, therefore, 
he could not by any means remedy or avoid." Mr. Pitt 
rose hastily and said, " I agree from my heart with the ob- 
servation of my fellow-member; it is forcible, it is judicious, 
and true. " But there are some" (throwing his eyes full on 
Fox) " upon whose face the hand of Heaven has so stamped 
the mark of wickedness, that it were impiety not to give it 
credit." 



Bold Appeal. — A poor old woman had often in vain at- 
tempted to obtain the ear of Philip of Macedon to certain 
wrongs of which she complained. The king at last abruptly 
told her " he was not at leisure to hear her." " No !" ex- 
claimed she ; " then you are not at leisure to be a king." 
Philip was confounded ; he pondered a moment in silence 
over her words, then desired her to proceed with her case, 
and ever after made it a rule to listen attentively to the ap- 
plications of all who addressed him. 

Mr. Burke. — When the trial of Mr. Hastings commenced 
in Westminster Hall, the first two days were taken up in 
reading the articles of impeachment against him ; and four 
more were occupied by Mr. Burke in opening the case and 
stating the grounds of the accusation. Never were the 
powers of that great man displayed to such advantage as on 
this occasion. He seemed for the moment as if armed to 
destroy with all the lightning of all the passions. The whole 
annals of judicial oratory contain nothing finer than his con- 
clusion. 

"I impeach Warren Hastings," said he, "in the name of 
the Commons of Great Britain, in parliament assembled, 
whose parliamentary trust he has abused. 

" I impeach him in the name of the Commons of Great 
Britain, whose national character he has dishonoured. 

" I impeach him in the name of the people of India, whose 
laws, rights, and liberties he has subverted ; whose properties 
he has destroyed ; whose country he has laid waste and 
desolate. 

" I impeach him in the name of human nature itself, which 
he has so cruelly outraged, injured, and oppressed. And 1 
impeach him in the name and by the virtue of those eternal 
laws of justice, which ought equally to pervade in both sexes, 
every age, condition, rank, and situation in the world." 

The agitation produced by this speech was such that the 



102 ANECDOTES. 

whole audience appeared to have felt one convulsive emotion ; 
and when it was over, it was some time before Mr. Fox 
could obtain a hearing. 

Amid the assemblage of concurring praises which this 
speech excited, none was more remarkable than the tribute 
of Mr. Hastings himself. " For half an hour," said that gen- 
tleman, " I looked up at the orator in a revery of wonder, 
and during that space I actually felt myself the most culpa- 
ble man on earth." Had the sentiment concluded here, our 
readers would not believe that it was in the language or 
manner of Mr. Hastings. " But," continued he, " I recurred 
to my own bosom, and there found a consciousness which 
consoled me under all I heard and all I suffered." 



Seneca Indians. — It is a melancholy reflection, that the 
aboriginal tribes of North America have, with but few ex- 
ceptions, received at the hands of those who have usurped 
their domain little else but reiterated wrongs and outrage. 
Whole nations of them have been already so entirely exter- 
minated, that no trace of them now remains except their 
names ; and when we consider that the same system which 
has in so short a space of time produced such destruction, 
is still, with but little exception, in full operation, and must, if 
not speedily arrested, sweep from existence the few scattered 
tribes which yet survive, we think it cannot fail to excite the 
deepest regret in every benevolent mind, and to awaken 
a strong feeling of commiseration and tenderness towards 
this helpless and oppressed part of the great family of man- 
kind. The voice of the oppressed never, perhaps, spoke to 
the ear of the oppressor in a tone of more sublime reproach 
than is displayed in the following passages of an address 
which the Seneca Indians presented to Governor Clinton, of 
New- York, on the subject of their condition and prospects, 
in the month of February, 1818. 

" Father — We feel that the hand of our God has long been 
heavy on his red children. For our sins he has brought us 
low, and caused us to melt away before our. white brothers 
as snow before the fire. His ways are perfect ; he regard- 
eth not the complexion of men. God is terrible in judgment. 
All men ought to fear before him. He putteth down and 
buildeth up, and none can resist him. 

"Father — The Lord of the whole earth is strong; this is 
our confidence. He hath power to build up as well as to 
pull down. Will he keep his anger for ever ? Will he 
pursue to destruction the work of his own hand, and strike 



LITERARY. 103 

off a race of men from the earth whom his care hath so long 
preserved through so many perils ? 

" Father — We thank you that you feel anxious to do all 
you can to the perishing ruins of your red children. We 
hope, father, you will make a fence strong and high around 
us, that wicked white men may not devour us at once, but 
let us live as long as we can. We are persuaded you will 
do this for us, because our field is laid waste and trodden 
down by every beast ; we are feeble, and cannot resist them. 

" Father — -We are persuaded you will do this for the 
sake of our white brothers, lest God, who has appeared so 
strong in building up white men and pulling down In- 
dians, should turn his hand and visit our white brothers 
for their sins, and call them to an account for all the wrongs 
they have done them, and all the wrongs they have not 'pre- 
vented that was in their power to prevent, to their poor red 
brothers who have no helper." 

Patrick Henry. — The versatility of talent for which 
Patrick Henry, the American orator and patriot, was distin- 
guished, was happily illustrated in a trial which took place 
soon after the war of independence. During the distress of 
the republican army consequent on the invasion of Corn- 
wallis and Phillips in 1781, Mr. Venable, an army commis- 
sary, took two steers for the use of the troops from Mr. 
Hook, a Scotchman and a man of wealth, who was sus- 
pected of being unfriendly to the American cause. The act 
had not been strictly legal ; and on the establishment of 
peace, Hook, under the advice of Cowan, a gentleman of 
some distinction in the law, thought proper to bring an ac- 
tion of trespass against Mr. Venable in the district court of 
New-London. Mr. Henry appeared for the defendant, and 
is said to have conducted himself in a manner much to the 
enjoyment of his hearers, the unfortunate Hook, of course, 
excepted. After Mr. Henry became animated in the cause, 
he appeared to have complete control over the passions of 
his audience ; at one time he excited their indignation against 
Hook ; vengeance was visible in every countenance ; again, 
when he chose to relax and ridicule him, the whole audience 
w r as in a roar of laughter. He painted the distress of the 
American army, exposed almost naked to the rigour of a win- 
ter's sky, and marking the frozen ground over which they 
marched with the blood of their unshod feet. "Where was 
the man," he said, " who had an American bosom, who 
would not have thrown open his fields, his barns, his cellars, 



104 ANECDOTES. 

the doors of his house, the portals of his breast, to re 
ceive with open arms the meanest soldier in that little band 
of famished patriots ? Where is the man ? There he stands ; 
but whether the heart of an American beats in his bosom, 
you, gentlemen, are to judge." He then carried the jury by 
the power of his imagination to the plains around York, the 
surrender of which had followed shortly after the act com- 
plained of. He depicted the surrender in the most glowing 
and noble colours of his eloquence ; the audience saw before 
their eyes the humiliation and dejection of the British as they 
marched out of their trenches ; they saw the triumph which 
lighted up every patriotic face ; they heard the shouts of vic- 
tory, the cry of " Washington and liberty !" as it rung and 
echoed through the American ranks, and was reverberated 
from the hills and shores of the neighbouring river ; " but 
hark !" continued Henry, " what notes of discord are these 
which disturb the general joy and silence the acclamations 
of victory ? They are the notes of John Hook, hoarsely 
bawling through the American camp, 'Beef! beef! beef!'" 
The court was convulsed with laughter; when Hook, 
turning to the clerk, said, " Never mind, you mon ; wait till 
Billy Cowan gets up, and he'll show him the la." But Mr. 
Cowan was so completely overwhelmed by the torrent which 
bore upon his client, that, when he rose to reply to Mr. 
Henry, he was scarcely able to make an intelligible or audi- 
ble remark. The cause was decided almost by acclamation. 
The jury retired for form's sake, and instantly returned with 
a verdict for the defendant. 



PULPIT ELOQUENCE. 

Jeremy Taylor, Bishop of Down. — This eloquent pre 
late, from the fertility of his mind and the extent of his ima 
gination, has been styled the Shakspeare of Divines. His 
sermons abound with some of the most brilliant passages, 
and embrace such a variety of matter and such a mass of 
knowledge and of learning, that even the acute Bishop 
Warburton said of him, " I can fathom the understandings 
of most men, yet I am not certain that I can always fathom 
the understanding of Jeremy Taylor." His comparison be- 
tween a married and a single life, in his sermon on the Bless- 
edness of the Marriage Vow, is rich in tender sentiments and 
exquisitely elegant imagery. " Marriage," says the bishop, 






LITERARY. 105 

" is the mother of the world, and preserves kingdoms, and 
fills cities, churches, and even Heaven itself. Celibacy, like 
the fly in the heart of an apple, dwells in a perpetual sweet- 
ness, but sits alone, and is confined, and dies in singularity ; 
but marriage, like the useful bee, builds a house, and gathers 
sweetness from every flower, and labours and unites into so- 
cieties and republics, and sends out colonies, and fills the 
world with delicacies, and obeys their king, keeps order, 
and exercises many virtues, and promotes the interest of 
mankind, and is that state of things to which God hath de- 
signed the present constitution of the world. Marriage hath 
in it the labour of love and the delicacies of friendship ; the 
blessings of society and the union of hands and hearts. It 
hath in it less of beauty, but more of safety than a single 
life ; it is more merry and more sad ; is fuller of joys and 
fuller of sorrow ; it lies under more burdens, but is supported 
by all the strength of love and charity ; and these burdens 
are delightful." 

Whitfield's Eloquence. — Perhaps the greatest proof 
of the persuasive powers of the celebrated Whitfield's elo- 
quence was evinced when he drew from Franklin's pocket 
the money which that clear, cool reasoner had determined 
not to give : it was for the orphan-house at Savannah. " I 
did not," says the American philosopher, " disapprove of the 
design ; but, as Georgia was then destitute of materials and 
workmen, and it was proposed to send them from Philadel- 
phia at a great expense, 1 thought it would be better to build 
the house at Philadelphia and bring the children to it. This 
I advised ; but he was resolute in his project, rejected my 
counsel, and. I therefore refused to contribute. I happened 
soon after to attend one of his sermons, in the course of which 
I perceived he intended to finish with a collection, and I si- 
lently resolved he should get nothing from me. [ had in 
my pocket a handful of copper money, three or four silver 
dollars, and five pistoles in gold. As he proceeded I began 
to soften, and concluded to give the copper ; another stroke 
of his oratory made me ashamed of that, and determined me 
to give the silver ; and he finished so admirably that I emp- 
tied my pocket wholly into the collector's dish, gold and all. 
At this sermon," continues Franklin, " there was also one 
of our club, who, being of my sentiments respecting the build- 
ing in Georgia, and suspecting a collection might be intend- 
ed, had, by precaution, emptied his pockets before he came 
from home ; towards the conclusion of the discourse, how- 

O 



106 ANECDOTES. 

ever, he felt a strong inclination to give, and applied to a 
neighbour w ho stood near him to lend him some money for 
the purpose. The request was fortunately made to perhaps 
the only man in the company who had the firmness not to be 
affected by the preacher. His answer was, ' At any other 
time, Friend Hopkinton, I would lend to thee freely ; for 
thee seems to me to be out of thy right senses.' " — Southey's 
Life of Wesley. 

Bigotry. — The orator of the " Emerald Isle," in a speech 
at a meeting of the Catholics of Dublin, thus personifies 
bigotry : " She has no head and cannot think ; no heart and 
cannot feel ! When she moves, it is in wrath ; when she 
pauses, it is amid ruin ; her prayers are curses ; her god is 
a demon ; her communion is death ; her vengeance is eter- 
nity ; her decalogue is written in the blood of her victims ; 
and, if she stops for a moment in her infernal flight, it is 
upon a kindred rock, to whet her vulture fang for keenest 
rapine, and replume her wing for a more sanguinary deso- 
lation." 



Saurin. — The celebrated Saurin, when one of the pastors 
to the French refugees at the Hague, was so celebrated for his 
preaching that he was constantly attended by a crowded and 
brilliant audience. His style was pure, unaffected, and elo- 
quent, sometimes plain and sometimes flowery, but never 
improper. " In the introduction to his sermons," says Mr. 
Robinson, "he used to deliver himself in a tone modest and 
low ; in the body of the sermon, which was adapted to the 
understanding, he was plain, clear, and argumentative ; 
pausing at the close of each period, that he might discover 
by the countenances and motions of his hearers whether 
they were convinced by his reasoning. In his addresses to 
the wicked (and it is a folly to preach as if there were none 
in our assemblies), Mr. Saurin was often sonorous, but oft- 
ener a weeping suppliant at their feet. In the one he sus- 
tained the authoritative dignity of his office ; in the other he 
expressed his Master's and his own benevolence to bad men. 
' praying them, in Christ's stead, to be reconciled to God.' 
In general, his preaching resembled a plentiful shower of 
dew, softly and imperceptibly insinuating itself into the 
minds of his numerous hearers, as the dew into the pores 
of plants, vill all the church was dissolved, and all in tears 
under his sermons." 



LITERARY. 107 

MASSILLON. 

" There stands 
The legate of the skies ! his theme divine, 
His office sacred, his credentials clear, 
By him the violated law speaks out 
Its thunders ; and by him, in strains as sweet 
As angels use, the gospel whispers peace." 

Cowper. 

When this illustrious preacher was asked where a man 
like him, whose life was dedicated to retirement, could bor- 
row his admirable descriptions of real life, he answered, 
" From the human heart ; however little we examine it, we 
shall find in it the seeds of every passion. When I compose 
a sermon, I imagine myself consulted upon some doubtful 
piece of business. I give my whole application to deter- 
mine the person who has recourse to me to act the good and 
proper part. I exhort him, I urge him, and I leave him not 
till he has yielded to my persuasions." 

On preaching the first Advent sermon at Versailles, Louis 
XIV. paid the following most expressive tribute to the power 
of his eloquence : " Father, when I hear others preach, I am 
very well pleased with them ; when I hear you, I am dissat- 
isfied with myself." 

The first time he preached his sermon on the small num- 
ber of the elect, the whole audience were at a certain part 
of it seized with such violent emotion that almost every per- 
son half rose from his seat, as if to shake of! the horror of 
being one of the cast-out into everlasting darkness. 

When Baron, the actor, came from hearing one of his ser- 
mons, " Friend," said he, to one of the same profession who 
accompanied him, "here is an orator ; we are only actors." 



Animation. — There are two kinds of animation in preach- 
ing ; one wherein the preacher does not feel his subject, and 
therefore assumes the tones, and gestures, and impassioned 
delivery of a man in earnest. The other is when he does 
feel it; when he is really in earnest ; when he is enforcing 
some truth which has deeply occupied his meditations ; and 
then he becomes truly eloquent, notwithstanding, perhaps, a 
bad voice and an ungraceful delivery. The eloquence of 
the former is studied, artificial, often pompous, but falls coldly 
on the ear. That of the latter is plain, direct, natural, and 
sincere, and therefore descends into the heart. The hearers 
fix their eyes immoveably on the speaker; they follow him 
through all his illustrations ; they weigh his arguments; they 
attend him to the conclusion ; they forget the preacher in 
the subject, and no part of the discourse escapes their notice. 



108 ANECDOTES. 

It is only men of this stamp who are or can be truly eloquent 
in the pulpit. It is not enough for them to know that they 
are uttering truth ; they must feel that it is important truth ; 
and the impression must be strong upon them at the moment 
of delivery, or " their words will return unto them void." 

True Eloquence. — "I was one Sunday riding through 
the county of Orange, on the eastern side of the Blue Ridge," 
says Wirt, in his British Spy, " when my eye was caught 
by a cluster of horses tied near a ruinous wooden house in 
the forest, not far from the roadside. Having frequently 
seen such objects before, I had no difficulty in understanding 
that this was a place of religious worship. Curiosity to hear 
the preacher of such a wilderness induced me to join the 
congregation. On my entrance I was struck with his su- 
pernatural appearance. He was a tall and very spare old 
man ; his head, which was covered with a white linen cap, 
his shrivelled hands, and his voice, were all shaking under 
the influence of palsy, and a few moments ascertained to me 
that he was perfectly blind. It was the day of the Sacra- 
ment ; his subject was the passion of our Saviour, and he 
gave it a new and more sublime pathos than I had ever be- 
fore seen. When he descended from the pulpit to distribute 
the mystic symbols, there was a peculiar, a more than human 
solemnity in his voice and manner, which made my blood 
run cold and my whole frame shiver. His peculiar phrases 
had that force of description, that the original scene seemed 
acting before our eyes. We saw the very faces of the Jews ; 
the staring, frightful distortions of malice and of rage. But 
when he came to touch on the patience, the forgiving meek- 
ness of our Saviour; when he drew to the life his blessed 
eyes streaming with tears, his voice breathing to God the 
gentle prayer, ' Father, forgive them, for they know not what 
they do,' the voice of the preacher, which had all along fal- 
tered, grew fainter and fainter, until it was entirely obstruct- 
ed by the force of his feelings, when he raised his handker- 
chief to his eyes, and burst into a loud and irrepressible flood 
of grief. The effect was inconceivable. The whole house 
resounded with mingled groans, and sobs, and shrieks. I 
could not imagine how the speaker could let his audience 
down from the height to which he had wound them without 
impairing the solemnity of his subject or shocking them by 
the abruptness of his fall. But the descent was as beau- 
tiful and sublime as the elevation had been rapid and enthu- 
siastic. The tumult of feeling subsided, and a deathlike 



LITERARY. 109 

stillness reigned throughout the house, when the aged man 
removed his handkerchief from his eyes, still wet with the 
torrent of his tears, and slowly stretching forth his palsied 
hand, he exclaimed, * Socrates died like a philosopher ;' then 
pausing, clasping his hands with fervour to his heart, lifting 
his * sightless balls' to heaven, and pouring his whole soul 
into his tremulous voice, he continued, ' but Jesus Christ 
died like a God.' Had he been an angel of light, the effect 
could scarcely have been more divine." 

Summerfield Preaching to Children. — As for chil- 
dren, says the Rev. J. N. Danforth, did ever man win their 
little hearts with superior grace and success ? Every cler- 
gyman who has tried it knows the difficulty of addressing 
them appropriately, and if he can make himself understood, 
he thinks he has attained much. But beyond this first re- 
quisite of an orator, according to Dr. Blair, he hardly pre- 
sumes to go. To be eloquent is out of the question. But 
Summerfield shone here. He seemed to impart his soul to 
their souls ; to come down from the dignity and precision of 
a more elaborate style, and suit his thoughts, words, and feel- 
ings to their particular capacities. It was, in the soft, ex- 
pressive language of Scripture, " as the small rain upon the 
tender herb, and as showers upon the grass," that his " doc- 
trine" then distilled from his lips. He announced his text ; 
let his face relax into one of those celestial smiles which 
were sometimes permitted to revel there ; looked more than 
benevolently around on the vast assemblage of children (who 
thronged the church in Baltimore) before him ; seemed to 
feel something kindling within. " That's a sweet text, is it 
not?" exclaimed he, by way of exordium. The effect was 
electrical ; a thousand little faces glimmered with smiles, in- 
stinctively reflecting, as it were, the expression of that fine 
original that beamed before them. A collection was to be 
taken up for the benefit of the Wyandot Mission. No child 
was to give over six cents. When the plates were handed 
round, they were so overloaded by the tribute of little hands 
that they were scarcely portable, and some of them required 
to be unladen before they could finish their round. 



110 ANECDOTES. 



HONESTY. 



Dr. A. Clarke. — Those who have perused the memoir 
of Dr. Clarke will probably recollect, that in early life he 
was placed with a Mr. Bennet, a linen merchant of Cole- 
raine, in the north of Ireland. In his autobiography the doc- 
tor remarks, when speaking of the business in which he was 
engaged, " he thought he saw several things in it that he 
could hardly, do with a clear conscience." It would, per- 
haps, not be uninteresting to know what were these " sev- 
eral things." One of them is as follows : Mr. Bennet and 
Mr. Clarke were one day engaged in preparing the linen for 
the great market in Dublin, measuring how many yards 
there were in each piece, Adam laying hold of one end and 
Mr. B. of the other. They found that one piece wanted a 
couple of inches to make a complete yard at the end. 
" Come, Adam," says Mr. B., " lay hold of the piece and 
pull against me, and we shall soon make it come up to the 
yard." Alas ! he little knew whom he had to deal with. 
Adam dropped the linen on the ground, stood and looked 
like one confounded. " What's the matter ?" said Mr. B. 
" Sir," says he, " I can't do it ; I think it is a wrong thing." 
"Nonsense," says Mr. B., "it is done every day; it won't 
make the linen a bit the worse ; the process it has passed 
through has made it shrink a little. Come, take hold." 
" No," says he, " no." Mr. B. was a very placid man, and 
they entered into a dispute about this piece of linen, until, 
at last, he was obliged to give it up ; it was a lost case ; 
Adam would not consent to meddle with it ; he thought it 
was not fair ; at least it did not suit the standard of his con- 
science. Thus early exemplifying that scrupulous honesty 
for which he was during life remarkable. 



Honesty and Bravery. — The Prince of Conti being 
highly pleased with the intrepid behaviour of a grenadier at 
the siege of Phillipsburgh in 1734, threw him his purse, 
excusing the smallness of the sum it contained as being too 
poor a reward for his courage. Next morning the grenadier 
went to the prince with a couple of diamond rings and other 
jewels of considerable value. " Sir," said he, " the gold I 
found in your purse I suppose your highness intended for 
me ; but these I bring back to you as having no claim on 
them." " You have, soldier," answered the prince, " doubly 
deserved them by your bravery and by your honesty ; there- 
fore they are yours." 



MORAL. Ill 

Honesty best Policy. — Some years since there resided 
in a country village a poor but worthy clergyman, who, with 
the small stipend of forty pounds per annum, supported him- 
self, a wife, and seven children. At one time, walking and 
meditating in the fields, in much distress from the narrow- 
ness of his circumstances, he stumbled on a purse of gold. 
Looking round, in vain, to find its owner, he carried it home 
to his wife, who advised him to employ at least a part of it 
in extricating them from their present difficulty ; but he con- 
scientiously refused until he had used his utmost endeavours 
to find out its former proprietor, assuring her that honesty is 
always the best policy After a short time it was owned by 
a gentleman who lived at some little distance, to whom the 
clergyman returned it without any other reward than thanks. 
On the good man's return, his wife could not help reproach- 
ing the gentleman with ingratitude, and censuring the over- 
scrupulous honesty of her husband ; but he only replied as 
before, honesty is the best policy. A few months after this 
the curate received an invitation to dine with the aforesaid 
gentleman ; who, after hospitably entertaining him, gave him 
the presentation to a living of three hundred pounds per an- 
num, to which he added a bill of fifty pounds for his present 
necessities. The curate, after making suitable acknowledg- 
ments to his benefactor, returned with joy to his wife and 
family, acquainting them with the happy change in his cir- 
cumstances, and adding that he hoped she would now be 
convinced that honesty was the best policy ; to which she 
readily assented. 

One day, when a vacant see was to be filled, the synod 
observed to the emperor, Peter the Great, that they had 
none but ignorant men to present to his majesty. " Well, 
then," replied the Czar, " you have only to pitch upon the 
most honest man ; he will be worth two learned ones." 



Goldsmith. — Previously to Dr. Goldsmith's publishing his 
" Deserted Village," the bookseller had given him a note for 
one hundred guineas for the copy, which the doctor mentioned 
a few hours after to one of his friends, who observed that it 
was a very great sum for so short a performance. " In truth," 
replied Goldsmith, " I think so too ; I have not been easy 
since I received it ; therefore I will go back and return him 
his note ;" which he absolutely did, and left it entirely to the 
bookseller to pay him according to the profits produced by 
the sale of the piece, which turned out very considerable. 
Honesty is the best policy. 



112 ANECDOTES. 

Smollett. — A beggar asking Dr. Smollett for alms, he 
gave him, through mistake, a guinea. The poor fellow, on 
perceiving it, hobbled after him to return it ; upon which 
Smollett returned it to him, with another guinea as a reward 
for his honesty, exclaiming, at the same time, "What a lodg- 
ing has honesty taken up with !" 

True Honesty. — Some years ago, two aged men near 
Marshalton traded, or, according to Virginia parlance, swap- 
ped horses on this condition : that on that day week, the 
one who thought he had the best of the bargain should pay 
to the other two bushels of wheat. The day came, and, as 
luck would have it, they met about half way between their 
respective homes. " Where art thou going ?" said one. 
" To thy house with the wheat," answered the other. "And 
whither art thou riding ?" " Truly," replied the first, " I 
was taking the wheat to thy house." Each, pleased with 
his bargain, had thought the wheat justly due to his neigh- 
bour, and was going to pay it. 



EXPEDIENCY. 

William Williams, one of the Signers of the Decla- 
ration of Independence. — In confirmation of the evidence 
of the firmness and patriotism of Mr. Williams, the following 
anecdote may be added. Towards the close of the year 
1776, the military affairs of the colonies wore a gloomy as- 
pect, and strong fears began to prevail that the contest would 
go against them. In this dubious state of things the coun- 
cil of safety for Connecticut was called to sit at Lebanon. 
Two of the members of this council, William Hillhouse 
and Benjamin Huntington, quartered with Mr. Williams. 

One evening the conversation turned upon the gloomy 
state of the country and the probability that, after all, suc- 
cess would crown the British arms. "Well," said Mr. Wil- 
liams, with great calmness, " if they succeed, it is pretty 
evident what will be my fate. I have done much to prose- 
cute the contest, and one thing I have done which the Brit- 
ish will never pardon — I have signed the Declaration of In- 
dependence. I shall be hanged." Mr. Hillhouse expressed 
his hope that America would yet be successful, and his con- 
fidence that this would be her happy fortune. Mr. Hun- 
tington observed, that, in case of ill success, he should be 



MORAL. 113 

exempt from the gallows, as his signature was not attached 
to the Declaration of Independence, nor had he written any- 
thing against the British government. To this Mr. Wil- 
liams replied, his eye kindling as he spoke, " Then, sir, you 
deserve to be hanged for not having done your duty." 

Honour dearer than Life. — An American officer, du- 
ring the war of Independence, was ordered to a station of ex- 
treme peril, when several around him suggested various 
expedients by which he might evade the dangerous post 
assigned him. He made them the following heroic reply : 
" I thank you, my friends, for your solicitude ; I know I can 
easily save my life, but who will save my honour should 1 
adopt your advice ?" 

A better Rule than "Expediency." — Lord Erskine, 
when at the bar, was always remarkable for the fearlessness 
with which he contended against the bench. In a contest 
he had with Lord Kenyon, he explained the rule and con- 
duct at the bar in the following terms : " It was," said he, 
" the first command and council of my youth, always to do 
what my conscience told me to be my duty, and leave the 
consequences to God. I have hitherto followed it, and have 
no reason to complain that any obedience to it has been even 
a temporal sacrifice ; I have found it, on the contrary, the 
road to prosperity and wealth, and I shall point it out as 
such to my children." 



Do Something. — I have often had occasion to observe 
that a warm blundering man does more for the world than a 
frigid wise man. A man who gets into the habit of inqui- 
ring about proprieties, and expediencies, and occasions, often 
spends his whole life without doing anything to the purpose. 
The state of the world is such, and so much depends on ac- 
tion, that everything seems to say loudly to every man, " Do 
something. Do it — do it." — Cecil. 



EARLY RISING. 

It cannot be denied that early rising is conducive both 
to the health of the body and the improvement of the mind. 
It was an observation of Swift, " that he never knew any 
man come to greatness who lay in bed of a morning." 



114 ANECDOTES. 

Though this observation of an individual is not received 
as a universal maxim, it is certain that some of the most 
eminent characters which ever existed accustomed them- 
selves to early rising. It seems, also, that people in gen- 
eral rose earlier in former times than now. In the four- 
teenth century the shops in Paris were opened at four in 
the morning ; at present a shopkeeper is scarcely awake 
at seven. The King of France dined at eight in the morn- 
ing, and retired to his bedchamber at the same hour in the 
evening. During the reign of Henry VIIL, fashionable peo- 
ple in England breakfasted at seven in the morning, and 
dined at ten in the forenoon. In Elizabeth's time, the no- 
bility, gentry, and students dined at eleven in the forenoon, 
and supped between five and six in the afternoon. 

Buffon. — Various have been the means made use of to 
overcome the habit of sleeping long of a morning. Buffon, 
it is said, always rose with the sun ; he often used to tell by 
what means he had accustomed himself to rise early. " In 
my youth," says he, " I was very fond of sleep ; it robbed 
me of a great deal of my time ; but my poor Joseph" (his 
domestic servant) " was of great service in enabling me to 
overcome it. I promised to give Joseph a crown every time 
that he could make me get up at six. Next morning he did 
not fail to awake me, and to torment me, but he only re- 
ceived abuse. The next day after he did the same, with no 
better success ; and I was obliged at noon to confess that I 
had lost my time. I told him that he did not know how to 
manage his business ; that he ought to think of my promise, 
and not to mind my threats. The day following he em- 
ployed force ; I begged for indulgence, I bid him begone, 
stormed, but Joseph persisted. I was, therefore, obliged to 
comply, and he was rewarded every day for the abuse which 
he suffered at the moment when I awoke, by thanks accom- 
panied with a crown, which he received about an hour after. 
Yes, I am indebted to poor Joseph for ten or a dozen of the 
volumes of my works." 

Frederic II. — Frederic II., king of Prussia, rose very 
early in the morning, and, in general, allowed a very short 
part of his time to sleep. But as age and infirmities in- 
creased upon him, his sleep was broken and disturbed ; and 
when he fell asleep towards the morning, he frequently 
missed his usual early hour of rising. This loss of time, as 
he deemed it, he bore very impatiently, and gave strict or 



MORAL. 115 

ders to his attendants never to suffer him to sleep longer than 
four o'clock in the morning, and to pay no attention to his 
unwillingness to rise. One morning at the appointed time, 
the page whose turn it was to attend him, and who had not 
been long in his service, came to his bed and awoke him. 
"Let me sleep but a little longer," said the monarch; "I 
am still much fatigued." " Your majesty has given posi- 
tive orders I should wake you so early," replied the page. 
" But another quarter of an hour more." " Not one minute," 
said the page : " it has struck four ; I am ordered to insist 
upon your majesty's rising." " Well," said the king, " you 
are a brave lad ; had you let me sleep on, you would have 
fared ill for your neglect." 

Dean Swift. — Dean Swift says that "he never knew 
any man to rise to eminence who lay in bed of a morning ;" 
and Dr. Franklin, in his peculiar manner, says that " he who 
rises late may trot all day, but never overtake his business." 

Age of Early Risers. — The following is a catalogue of 
about twenty early risers. Their age has been mentioned 
when it was known. The average age, so far as ascertained, 
is about seventy. 

Franklin was an early riser. He died at the age of 
eighty-four. 

President Chauncey, of Harvard College, made it his con- 
stant practice to rise at four o'clock. He died at eighty-one. 

Fuseli, the painter, rose with or before the sun. He died 
at eighty-one. 

Wesley rose at three or four o'clock, and slept but six 
hours. Died at eighty-eight. 

Buffon, the celebrated naturalist, says he was indebted to 
the habit of his early rising for all his knowledge, and the 
composition of all his works. He studied fourteen hours a 
day. Died at eighty-one. 

Samuel Bard, M.D., of Hyde Park, rose at daylight in 
summer, and an hour before in winter (say about five) 
through life. Died at seventy-nine. 

Dr. Priestley was an early riser. He died at seventy-one. 

Bishop Jewel rose at four o'clock. 

Parkhurst rose at five in the summer and six in the winter 
Died at seventy-four. 

Bishop Burnet commenced rising at four while at college, 
and continued the practice through a long life. Died at 
seventy-two. 






116 ANECDOTES. 

Sir Matthew Hale rose at four or five. Died at sixty 
seven. 

Dr. Adam rose at five, and for a part of the year at four 
He died at sixty-eight. 

Frederic the Great rose at three or four o'clock. 

Bishop Home was an early riser. Died at sixty-two. 

Walter Scott was an early riser. Died at sixty-one. 

Brougham is said to rise at four. He is now about fifty- 
eight. 

Stanislaus I., of Poland, always retired at nine and rose 
at three. Died at eighty-nine. 

Alfred the Great, it is believed, rose at four. Died at 
fifty-two. 

Sir Thomas Moore, in his Utopia, represents the Uto- 
pians as attending public lectures every morning before day- 
break. He himself rose at four. He was beheaded at the 
age of fifty-five. 






TIME. 

Economy of Time. — The celebrated Lord Coke wrote 
the subjoined distich, which he religiously observed in the 
oistribution of his time : 

" Six hours to sleep, to law's grave study six, 
Four spend in prayer, the rest to nature fix." 

But Sir William Jones, a wiser economist of the fleeting 
hours of life, amended the sentiment in the following lines : 

" Seven hours to law, to soothing slumber seven, 
Ten to the world allot, and all to Heaven." 



Milton has the following remarks upon misspent time : 
" Hours have wings, and fly up to the Author of time, and 
carry news of our usage. All our prayers cannot entreat 
one of them either to return or slacken his pace. The mis- 
spents of every minute is a new record against us in Heaven ; 
sure if we thought thus, we would dismiss them with better 
report, and not suffer them to go away empty, or laden with 
dangerous intelligence. How happy is it that every hour 
should convey up not only the message, but the fruits of 
good, and stay with the Ancient of Days to speak for us be- 
fore his glorious throne." 

The Value of Time. — It was a speech of a woman la- 



MORAL. 117 

bouring under horror of conscience, when several ministers 
and others came to comfort her, " Call back time again ; if 
you can call back time again, then there may be hope for 
me ; but time is gone." 

" When I look upon the tombs of the great, every emotion 
of envy dies in me ; when I read the epitaphs of the beau- 
tiful, every inordinate desire goes out ; when I meet with the 
grief of parents upon a tombstone, my heart melts with com- 
passion ; when I see the tomb of the parents themselves, I 
consider the vanity of grieving for those whom we must 
quickly follow ; when I see kings lying by those who dis- 
possessed them ; when I consider rival wits placed side by 
side, or the holy men that divided the world by their con- 
tests and disputes, I reflect with sorrow and astonishment 
on the little competitions, factions, and debates of mankind. 
When I read the several dates of the tombs, of some that 
died yesterday, and some six hundred years ago, I consider 
that great day when we shall all of us be contemporaries and 
make our appearance together." — Spectator. 

Dr. C. Mather. — Dr. Cotton Mather was so careful to 
redeem his time, that, to prevent the tediousness of visits, he 
wrote over his study door, in capital letters, " BE SHORT." 

Mr. Jessey. — Mr. Henry Jessey, a nonconformist min 
ister, had the following motto put over his study door : 

" Amice quisquis hue ades, 
Aut agito paucis aut abi, 
Aut me laborantem adjuva." 

" Whatever friend comes hither, 
Despatch in brief, or go, 
Or help me busied too. H. J." 



EXAMPLES OF BENEVOLENCE. 

Archbishop Fenelon. — When Archbishop Fenelon's li- 
brary was on fire, he was heard to say, " God be praised 
that it is not the habitation of some poor man." 

Alfred the Great. — Alfred the Great was a prince of 
the most amiable and benevolent disposition. When in 
very low circumstances, by reason of his retreat from his 
enemies, a beggar came to his little castle and requested 
alms. The queen informed him that they had but one small 



118 ANECDOTES. 

loaf remaining, which was insufficient for themselves and 
their friends, who were gone in quest of food, though with 
but little hope of success. The king replied, " Give the poor 
Christian one half of the loaf. He that could feed five 
thousand with five loaves and two fishes can certainly make 
that half loaf suffice for more than our necessity." King 
Alfred's people soon returned with plenty of provision ! 
How true are the words of the wise man : " There is that 
scattereth, and yet increaseth." 

King of Prussia. — The King of Prussia once rang the 
bell of his cabinet, but, as nobody answered, he opened the 
door of the antechamber, and found his page fast asleep upon 
a chair. He went up to awake him ; but, on coming nearer, 
he observed a paper in his pocket upon which something was 
written. This excited his curiosity. He pulled it out, and 
found that it was a letter from the page's mother, the con- 
tents of which were nearly as follows : " She returned her 
son many thanks for the money he had saved out of his sal- 
ary and sent to her, which had proved a very timely assist- 
ance. God would certainly reward him for it, and, if he con- 
tinued to serve God and his king faithfully and conscien- 
tiously, he would not fail of success and prosperity in this 
world." Upon reading this the king stepped softly into his 
closet, fetched a rouleau of ducats, and put it, with the let- 
ter, into the page's pocket. He then rang so long till the 
page awoke, and came into his closet. " You have been 
asleep, I suppose ?" said the king. The page could not deny 
it, stammered out an excuse, put (in his embarrassment) his 
hand into his pocket, and felt the rouleau of ducats. He 
immediately pulled it out, turned pale, and looked at the 
king with tears in his eyes. " What is the matter with you ?" 
said the king. " Oh," replied the page, " somebody has con- 
trived my ruin : I know nothing of this money." " What 
God bestows," resumed the king, " he bestows in sleep.* 
Send the money to your mother : give my respects to her, 
and inform her that I will take care both of her and you." 

Dr. Crow. — Dr. Crow, chaplain to Bishop Gibson, be- 
queathed him two thousand five hundred pounds ; but the 
bishop, understanding the doctor had left some poor rela- 
tions, nobly resigned the whole legacy in their favour. 

The worthy Mr. Thornton, of Clapham, it is said, ex- 
oended annually two thousand pounds in the distribution of 

* A German proverb. 



MORA L. 119 

religious books only, and his charities reached to the re- 
motest part of the globe. John Baptist Joseph Languet, 
vicar of St. Sulpice at Paris, sometimes disbursed the sum 
of a million of livres in charities in a single year. When 
there was a general dearth in 1725, he sold, in order to re- 
lieve the poor, his household goods, his pictures, and some 
curious pieces of furniture that he had procured with great 
difficulty. 

Safe Investment. — A wealthy merchant having lost by 
one shipwreck to the value of one thousand five hundred 
pounds, ordered his clerk to distribute one hundred pounds 
among poor ministers and people ; adding, that if his for- 
tune was going by one thousand five hundred pounds at a 
lump, it was high time to make sure of some part before it 
was gone. 

Doctor Samuel Wright. — Of Doctor Samuel Wright it 
is said, that his charity was conducted upon rule ; for which 
purpose he kept a purse, in which was found this memoran- 
dum : " Something from all the money I receive to be put 
into this purse for charitable uses. From my salary as min- 
ister, which is uncertain, a tenth part; from occasional and 
extraordinary gifts, which are more uncertain, a twentieth 
part ; from copy money of things I print, and interest of my 
estate, a seventh part." 

Where it should be. — When a gentleman who had been 
accustomed to give away some thousands was supposed to 
be at the point of death, his presumptive heir inquired where 
his fortune was to be found. To whom he answered, " that 
it was in the pockets of the indigent." 



As it should be. — When a collection was made in Wales 
for the Bible Society, we are told a poor servant-maid put 
down one guinea on the plate, being one third of her wages. 
That it might not be perceived what she put down, she cov- 
ered the guinea with a halfpenny. 



Washington. — One Reuben Rouzy, of Virginia, owed 
the general about one thousand pounds. While President 
of the United States, one of his agents brought an action for 
the money ; judgment was obtained, and execution issued 
against the body of the defendant, who was taken to jail. 
He had a considerable landed estate, but this kind of prop- 



f20 ANECDOTES. 

erty cannot be sold in Virginia for debts unless at the dis- 
cretion of the person. He had a large family, and for the 
sake of his children preferred lying in jail to selling his land. 
A friend hinted to him that probably General Washington 
did not know anything of the proceeding, and that it might 
be well to send him a petition, with a statement of the cir- 
cumstances. He did so, and the very next post from Phil- 
adelphia after the arrival of his petition in that city brought 
him an order for his immediate release, together with a full 
discharge, and a severe reprimand to the agent for having 
acted in such a manner. Poor Rouzy was, in consequence, 
restored to his family, who never laid down their heads at 
night without presenting prayers to Heaven for their " be- 
loved Washington." Providence smiled upon the labours of 
the grateful family, and in a few years Rouzy enjoyed the 
exquisite pleasure of being able to lay the one thousand 
pounds, with the interest, at the feet of this truly great man. 
Washington reminded him that the debt was discharged ; 
Rouzy replied, the debt of his family to the father of their 
country and preserver of their parent could never be dis- 
charged ; and the general, to avoid the pleasing importunity 
of the grateful Virginian, who would not be denied, accepted 
the money, only, however, to divide it among Rouzy's chil- 
dren, which he immediately did. 

Charitable Pastor. — A Parisian, paying a visit to a 
curate in the middle of winter, remarked that he was living 
in a house with naked walls, and inquired why he had not 
got hangings to protect him from the rigour of the cold. 
The good pastor showed him two little children that he had 
taken care of, and replied, " I had rather clothe these poor 
children than my walls." 

Isle of Man. — It is a proverb among the hospitable in- 
habitants of the Isle of Man, that " when one poor man re- 
lieves another, God himself laughs for joy." Poor rates 
and most other parochial rates are unknown ; and there 
is not in the whole island either hospital, workhouse, or 
house of correction, though in every parish there is at least 
one charity-school, and often a small library. A collection 
is made, as in Scotland, after the morning service of every 
Sunday, for the relief of such poor of the parish as are 
thought deserving of charity. The donation is optional, but 
it is usual for every one to give something. 



MORAL. 121 

Example for Physicians — Dr. Brocklesby was so as- 
siduous in being useful to his fellow-creatures, that he was 
equally acceptable to the poor and the rich. When some 
of the former, through delicacy, did not apply to him, he 
would exclaim, " Why am I treated thus ? Why was I not 
sent for ?" 



John Howard. — It would be injustice here to omit the 
name of that great philanthropist, Mr. John Howard, who, 
after inspecting the receptacles of crime, of poverty, and of 
misery throughout Great Britain and Ireland, left his native 
country, relinquished his own ease, to visit the wretched 
abodes of those who were in want and bound in fetters of 
iron in other parts of the world. He travelled three times 
through France, four through Germany, five through Hol- 
land, twice through Italy, once through Spain and Portugal, 
and also through Denmark, Sweden, Russia, and part of 
Turkey. These excursions occupied (with some short in- 
tervals of rest at home) the period of twelve years. 

Never before was such a considerable portion of the life 
of man applied to a more benevolent and laudable purpose 
He gave up his own comfort that he might bestow it upon 
others. He was often immured in prison that others might 
be set at liberty. He exposed himself to danger that he 
might free others from it. He visited the gloomy cell that 
he might inspire a ray of hope and joy in the breasts of the 
wretched. Yea, he not only lived, but died in the noble 
cause of benevolence ; for in visiting a young lady who lay 
dangerously ill of an epidemic fever, in order to administer 
relief, he caught the distemper, and fell a victim to his hu- 
manity, January 20, 1790. 

Mr. Howard's worth seems to be appreciated by two or 
three singular circumstances. The first was, that a liberal 
subscription was opened to defray the expenses of erecting a 
statue to his honour, while yet alive, and the sum of 1533/. 
135. 6d. was actually subscribed. But the principles of 
Howard were abhorrent from ostentation ; and when he heard 
of it, " Have not I," said he, " one friend in England who 
would put a stop to such a proceeding ?" The business was 
accordingly dropped. Another circumstance was, that his 
death was announced in the London Gazette, a compliment 
which no private subject ever received before. And a third 
circumstance deserves to be noticed, that, though a Dissent- 
er, a monument was erected to his memory in St. Paul's 
Cathedral. The inscription tells us with truth " That he 

Q 6 



122 ANECDOTES. 

trod an open but unfrequented path to immortality, in the 
ardent and unremitted exercise of Christian charity." And 
concludes, " May this tribute to his fame excite an emula- 
tion of his truly honourable actions." 

Mr. Burke justly observed of this great man, " that he 
visited all Europe (and the East), not to survey the sumptu- 
ousness of palaces or the stateliness of temples ; not to 
make accurate measurements of the remains of ancient gran- 
deur, nor to form a scale of the curiosity of modern art ; not 
to collect medals or to collate manuscripts ; but to dive into 
the depths of dungeons ; to plunge into the infection of hos- 
pitals ; to survey the mansions of sorrow and of pain ; to take 
the gauge and dimensions of misery, depression, and con- 
tempt ; to remember the forgotten ; to attend to the neg- 
lected ; to visit the forsaken ; and to compare and collate 
the distresses of all men and in all countries. His plan is 
original, and it is as full of genius as it is of humanity. It 
is a voyage of discovery, a circumnavigation of charity ; and 
already the benefit of his labour is felt more or less in every 
country." 

Kosciusko. — The hero of Poland once wished to send 
some bottles of good wine to a clergyman at Soluthurn ; and 
as he hesitated to trust them by his servant, lest he should 
smuggle a part, he gave the commission to a young man of 
the name of Zeltner, and desired him to take the horse 
which he himself usually rode. On his return, young Zelt- 
ner said that he never would ride his horse again unless he 
gave him his purse at the same time. Kosciusko inquiring 
what he meant, he answered, "As soon as a poor man on the 
road takes of his hat and asks charity, the horse immediately 
stands still, and will not stir till something is given to the 
petitioner ; and as I had no money about me, I was obliged 
to feign giving something in order to satisfy the horse." 

African Sympathy. — A poor negro, walking towards 
Deptford, saw by the roadside an old sailor of different com- 
plexion, with but one arm and two wooden legs. The 
worthy African immediately took three halfpence and a far- 
thing, his little all, from the side pocket of his tattered trou- 
sers, and forced them into the sailor's hand, while he wiped 
the tears from his eye with the corner of his blue patched 
jacket, and then walked away quite happy. 

Feeling. — A plain, good-hearted, matter-of-fact kind of 



MORAL. 123 

man, who understood that a poor woman and her family 
were reduced to extreme distress by the loss of a cow, which 
was their principal support, generously went round among 
his neighbours to solicit that aid which he was unable to give 
himself. He told a plain, simple, and pathetic tale, and re- 
ceived from each a very liberal donation of regret, sorrow, 
sympathy, &c. But, thought he, this will not buy a cow, 
and he consequently redoubled his exertions, and to the 
same effect. He now lost all patience, and after being an- 
swered as usual by a real son of Midas, with a plentiful 
shower of sympathetic feeling, " Oho, yes, I don't doubt 
your feeling, but you don't feel in the right place." " Oh," 
said the tender-hearted Croesus, " I feel with all my heart 
and soul." " Yes, yes," replied he, " I don't doubt that 
neither, but I want you to feel in your pocket." 

Importance of Doing Quickly. — The benevolent Dr. 
Wilson once discovered a clergyman at Bath, who, he was 
informed, was sick, poor, and had a numerous family. In 
the evening he gave a friend fifty pounds, requesting him to 
deliver it in the most delicate manner, and as from an un- 
known person. The friend replied, " I will wait upon him 
in the morning." " You will oblige me by calling directly. 
Think, sir, of what importance a good night's rest may be 
to that poor man." 

From the Christian Advocate and Journal. 

Mr. Editor — When in Leeds, England, Rev. Robert 
Newton presented to Mrs. Fisk a small bust of Rev. John 
Wesley, said to be a perfect likeness of him at the time it 
was taken. A friend, in addition, procured for us the ac- 
companying account of the circumstances and the occasion 
in which it is said the original of this likeness was taken. 
As the whole is very interesting and characteristic, I have 
herewith forwarded it for publication. If you think well of 
it, please to insert it in the Christian Advocate and Journal. 

W. Fisk. 

Wesley an University, June 21. 

Anecdote of Rev. John Wesley. — Mr. Dudley was one 
evening taking tea with that eminent artist, Mr. Culy, when 
he asked him whether he had seen his gallery of busts. 
Mr. Dudley answering in the negative, and expressing a wish 
to be gratified with a sight of it, Mr. Culy conducted him 
thither, and after admiring the busts of the several great men 



l24 ANECDOTES. 

of the day, he came to one which particularly attracted his 
notice, and on inquiry found it was the likeness of the Rev. 
John Wesley. " This bust," said Mr. Culy, " struck Lord 
Shelbourne in the same manner it does you, and there is a 
remarkable fact connected with it, which, as I know you are 
fond of anecdote, I will relate to you precisely in the same 
manner and words that I did to him." On returning to the 
parlour, Mr. Culy commenced accordingly : "lama very 
old man ; you must excuse my little failings ; and, as I before 
observed, hear it in the very words I repeated it to his lord- 
ship. ' My lord,' said I, ' perhaps you have heard of John 
Wesley, the founder of the Methodists V ' Oh, yes,' he 
replied; l he — that race of fanatics /' 'Well, my lord; 
Mr. Wesley had often been urged to have his picture taken, 
but he always refused, alleging as a reason that he thought 
it nothing but vanity ; indeed, so frequently had he been 
pressed on this point, that his friends were reluctantly com- 
pelled to give up the idea. One day he called on me on the 
business of our church. I began the old subject of entreat- 
ing him to allow me to take off his likeness. "Well," said 
I, " knowing you value money for the means of doing good, if 
you will grant my request, I will engage to give you ten 
guineas for the first ten minutes that you sit, and for every 
minute that exceeds that time you shall receive a guinea." 
' What !' said Mr. Wesley, ■ do I understand you aright, 
that you will give me ten guineas for having my picture 
taken ! Well, I agree to it.' He then stripped off his 
coat, and lay on the sofa, and in eight minutes I had the most 
perfect bust I had ever taken. He then washed his face, 
and I counted to him ten guineas into his hand. 'Well,' 
said he, turning to his companion, ' I never till now earned 
money so speedily; but what shall we do with it?' They 
then wished me a good-morning, and proceeded over West- 
minster Bridge. The first object that presented itself to 
their view was a poor woman crying bitterly, with three 
children hanging round her, each sobbing, though apparently 
too young to understand their mother's grief. On inquiring 
the cause of her distress, Mr. Wesley learned that the cred- 
itors of her husband were dragging him to prison, after hav- 
ing sold their effects, which were inadequate to pay the debt 
by eighteen shillings, which the creditors declared should be 
paid. One guinea made her happy ! They then proceeded 
on, followed by the blessings of the now happy mother. 
On Mr. Wesley's inquiring of Mr. Barton, his friend, where 
their charity was most needed, he replied he knew of no 



MORAL. 125 

place where his money would be more acceptable than in 
Giltspur-street Compter. They accordingly repaired thither, 
and on asking the turnkey to point out the most miserable 
object under his care, he answered, if they were come in 
search of poverty, they need not go far. The first ward 
they entered they were struck with the appearance of a poor 
wretch who was greedily eating some potato skins. On 
being questioned, he informed them that he had been in that 
situation, supported by the casual alms of compassionate 
strangers, for several months, without any hope of release, 
and that he was confined for the debt of half a guinea. On 
hearing this, Mr. Wesley gave him a guinea, which he re- 
ceived with the utmost gratitude, and he had the pleasure of 
seeing him liberated with half a guinea in his pocket. The 
poor man, on leaving his place of confinement, said, ' Gen- 
tlemen, as you come here in search of poverty, pray go up 
stairs, if it be not too late.' They instantly proceeded 
thither, and beheld a sight which called forth all their com- 
passion. On a low stool, with his back towards them, sat a 
man, or rather a skeleton, for he was literally nothing but skin 
and bone; his hand supported his head, and his eyes seemed 
to be riveted to the opposite corner of the chamber, where 
lay stretched out on a pallet of straw a young woman, in the 
last stage of consumption, apparently lifeless, with an infant 
by her side, which was quite dead. Mr. Wesley imme- 
diately sent for medical assistance, but it was too late for 
the unfortunate female, who expired a few hours afterward 
from starvation, as the doctor declared. You may imagine, 
my lord, that the remaining eight guineas would not go far 
in aiding such distress as this. No expense was spared for 
the relief of the now only surviving sufferer. But so ex- 
treme was the weakness to which he was reduced, that six 
weeks elapsed before he could speak sufficiently to relate 
his own history. It appeared that he had been a reputable 
merchant, and had married a beautiful young lady, eminently 
accomplished, whom he almost idolized. They lived hap- 
pily together for some time, until, by failure of a speculation 
in which his whole property was embarked, he was com- 
pletely ruined. No sooner did he become acquainted with 
his misfortune than he called all his creditors together, and 
laid before them the state of his affairs, showing them his 
books, which were in the most perfect order. They all wil- 
lingly signed the dividend except the lawyer, who owed his 
rise in the world to this merchant ; the sum was two hun- 
dred and fifty pounds, for which he obstinately declared he 



126 ANECDOTES. 

should be sent to jail. It was in vain the creditors urged 
him to pity his forlorn condition, and to consider his great 
respectability; that feeling was a stranger to his breast, and, 
in spite of all their remonstrances, he was hurried away to 
prison, followed by his weeping wife. As she was very ac- 
complished, she continued to maintain herself and her hus- 
band for some time solely by the use of her pencil in paint- 
ing small ornaments on cards ; and thus they managed to 
put a little aside for the time of her confinement. But so 
long an illness succeeded this event, that she was completely 
incapacitated from exerting herself for their subsistence, and 
their scanty savings were soon expended by procuring the 
necessaries which her situation then required. They were 
driven to pawn their clothes, and their resources failing, they 
found themselves at last reduced to absolute starvation. 
The poor infant had just expired from want, and the hapless 
mother was about to follow it to the grave when Mr. Wes- 
ley and his friend entered ; and, as I before said, the hus- 
band was so reduced from the same cause, that, without the 
utmost care, he must have fallen a sacrifice ; and as Mr. 
Wesley, who was not for doing things by halves, had ac- 
quainted himself with this case of extreme misery, he went 
to the creditors and informed them of it. They were be- 
yond measure astonished to learn what he had to name to 
them ; for so long a time had elapsed without hearing any- 
thing of the merchant or his family, some supposed him to 
be dead, and others that he had left the country. Among 
the rest he called on the lawyer, and painted to him, in the 
most glowing colours, the wretchedness he had beheld, and 
which he (the lawyer) had been instrumental in causing ; 
but even this could not move him to compassion. He de- 
clared the merchant should not leave the prison without pay- 
ing him every farthing ! Mr. Wesley repeated his visit to 
the other creditors, who, considering the case of the sufferer, 
agreed to raise the sum and release him. Some gave one 
hundred pounds, others two hundred pounds, and another 
three hundred pounds. The affairs of the merchant took a 
different turn : God seemed to prosper him, and in the sec- 
ond year he called his creditors together, thanked them for 
their kindness, and paid the sum so generously obtained 
Success continuing to attend him, he was enabled to pay all 
his debts, and afterward realized considerable property. 
His afflictions made such a deep impression upon his mind, 
that he determined to remove the possibility of others suffer- 
ing from the same cause, and for this purpose advanced a 



MORAL. 127 

considerable sum as a foundation fund for the relief of small 
debtors. And the very first person who partook of the 
same was the inexorable lawyer /" 

This remarkable fact so entirely convinced Lord Shel- 
bourne of the mistaken opinion he had formed of Mr. Wes- 
ley, that he immediately ordered a dozen of busts to em- 
bellish the grounds of his beautiful residence 

The Choice. — A Quaker, residing at Paris, was waited 
on by four of his workmen in order to make their compli- 
ments and ask for their usual Newyear's gifts. " Well, my 
friends," said the Quaker, " here are your gifts ; choose fif- 
teen francs or the Bible." " I don't know how to read," 
said the first, " so I take the fifteen francs." " I can read," 
said the second, " but I have pressing wants." He took the 
fifteen francs. The third also made the same choice. He 
now came to the fourth, a young lad of about thirteen or 
fourteen. The Quaker looked at him with an air of good- 
ness. " Will you, too, take these three pieces, which you 
may obtain at any time by your labour and industry ?" " As 
you say the book is good, I will take it and read from it to 
my mother," replied the boy. He took the Bible, opened 
it, and found between the, leaves a gold piece of forty francs. 
The others hung down their heads, and the Quaker told 
them he was sorry they had not made a better choice. 



The Elgin Family. — Lord Kaimes relates a pleasing an- 
ecdote of two boys, the sons of the Earl of Elgin, who were 
permitted by their father to associate with the poor boys in 
the neighbourhood. One day the earl's sons being called to 
dinner, a lad who was playing with them said that he would 
wait till they returned. "There is no dinner for me at 
home," said the poor boy. " Come with us, then," said the 
earl's sons. The boy refused, and when they asked him if 
he had any money to buy dinner, he answered, " No !" 
When the young gentlemen got home, the eldest of them 
said to his father, " Papa, what was the price of the silver 
buckles you gave me ?" " Five shillings," was the reply 
" Let me have the money and I'll give you the buckles 
again." It was done accordingly ; and the earl, inquiring pri- 
vately, found that the money was given to the lad who had 
no dinner. 



128 ANECDOTES. 



PHILOSOPHY. 



It was Cicero's just censure of Homer, that whereas he 
should have raised earth to heaven by instructing men to 
live according to the purity of the gods, he forced down 
heaven to earth, and represented the gods to live like men in 
this region of impurity. It is the highest glory of man to 
be made the image of God in moral excellences ; and it is 
the vilest contumely to God to fashion him according to the 
image of man's vicious affections. 



Pythagoras. — " Let not sleep," says Pythagoras, " fall 
upon thy eyes till thou hast thrice reviewed the transactions 
of the past day : Where have I turned aside from rectitude ? 
What have I been doing? What have I left undone which 
I ought to have done ? Begin thus from the first act, and 
proceed ; and in conclusion, at the ill which thou hast done, 
be troubled, and rejoice for the good." 

Saadi, the Persian author of the work called Gulistan, 
tells a story of three sages, a Greek, an Indian, and a Per- 
sian, who, in the presence of a king of Persia, debated on 
this question : " Of all evils, which is the greatest ?" The 
Grecian said, " old age oppressed with poverty ;" the Indian 
answered, " pain with impatience ;" the Persian pronounced 
it to be " death, without good works before it." 

A fair Disciple of Pythagoras. — Saint Ambrose, in his 
elaborate and pious treatise on Christian fortitude, records 
the resolution of a fair disciple of Pythagoras, who, being 
severely urged by a tyrant to reveal the secrets of her sect, 
to convince him that no torments should reduce her to so 
unworthy a breach of her vow, bit her own tongue asunder, 
and darted it in the face of her oppressor. 

Newton and the Shepherd Boy. — This illustrious phi- 
losopher was once riding over Salisbury plain, when a boy 
keeping sheep called to him, " Sir, you had better make 
haste on, or you will get a wet jacket." Newton, looking 
around, and observing neither clouds nor a speck on the 
horizon, jogged on, taking very little notice of the rustic's in- 
formation. He had made but a few miles, when a storm, 
suddenly arising, wet him to the skin. Surprised at the cir- 
cumstance, and determined, if possible, to ascertain how an 



MORAL. 129 

ignorant boy had attained a precision and knowledge in the 
weather, of which the wisest philosopher would be proud, 
he rode back, wet as he was. " My lad," said Newton, " I'll 
give thee a guinea if thou wilt tell me how thou canst fore- 
tell the weather so truly." "Will ye, sir? I will, then," 
said the boy, scratching his head, and holding out his hand 
for the guinea. "Now, sir" (having received the money, 
and pointing to the sheep), "when you see that black ram 
turn his tail towards the wind, 'tis a sure sign of rain within 
an hour." " What !" exclaimed the philosopher, " must I, 
in order to foretell the weather, stay here and watch which 
way that black ram turns his tail ?" " Yes, sir." Off rode 
Newton, quite satisfied with his discovery, but not much in- 
clined to avail himself of it or to recommend it to others. 



FORTITUDE. 

Anaxarchus was a philosopher of Abdera, one of the fol- 
lowers of Democritus, and the friend of Alexander. When 
that monarch had been wounded in a battle, the philosopher 
pointed to the wound, adding that it was human blood, not 
the blood of a god. The freedom of Anaxarchus offended 
Nicrocreon, and, after Alexander's death, the tyrant, in re- 
venge, seized the philosopher and pounded him in a stone 
mortar with iron hammers. He bore this with much resig- 
nation, and exclaimed, " Pound the body of Anaxarchus, for 
thou dost not pound his soul !" Upon this Nicrocreon 
threatened to cut out his tongue, when Anaxarchus bit it 
off with his teeth and spat it into the tyrant's face. 



Sir Thomas More. — Sir Thomas More, some time Lord- 
chancellor of England, fell into disgrace with his sovereign 
and was committed to the Tower : on which occasion the 
lieutenant of the Tower made an apology for the diet, lodg- 
ing, and accommodations, .as unsuitable to the dignity of so 
great a man. " No apology, sir," replied the courtly pris- 
oner ; " I don't question but I shall like your accommoda- 
tions very well ; and, if you once hear me complain, I give 
you free leave to turn me out of doors." 



Spartans. — When a handful of Spartans undertook to 
defend the pass of Thermopylae against the whole army of 
Persia, so prodigious, it was reported, were the multitudes 

R 



130 ANECDOTES. 

of the Persians, that the very flight of their arrows would 
intercept the shining of the sun. " Then," said Dieneees, 
one of the Spartan leaders, " we shall have the advantage 
of fighting in the shade." 

Just before the battle of Agincourt, news was brought to 
King Henry's camp that the French were exceedingly nu- 
merous ; that they would bring into the field more than six 
times the number of the English troops ; to which the brave 
Captain Gam immediately replied, " Is it so ? Then there 
are enough to be cut in pieces, enough to be made prisoners, 
and enough to run away." 

Ignorance of Fear. — A child of one of the crew of his 
majesty's ship Peacock, during the action with the United 
States' vessel Hornet, amused himself with chasing a goat 
between decks. Not in the least terrified by the destruction 
and death all around him, he persisted till a cannon ball 
came and took off both the hind legs of the goat ; when, 
seeing her disabled, he jumped astride her, crying, " Now 
I've caught you." This singular anecdote is related in a 
work called " Visits of Mercy, being the Second Journal of 
the Stated Preacher to the Hospital and Almshouse in the 
city of New-York, by the Rev. E. S. Ely." 






Why should I Fear ? — A chief of the Creek Indians, 
having been appointed to negotiate a treaty of peace with 
the citizens of South Carolina, and having met the proper 
authorities for that purpose, was desired by the governor to 
speak his mind freely and without reserve ; for, as he was 
among his friends, he need not be " afraid." " I will," said 
he, " speak freely ; I will not be afraid. Why should I be 
afraid among my friends, who am never afraid among my 
enemies ?" 



John Knox. — The pure, heart-searching doctrines which 
were preached by this Scotch apo'stle were then, as they are 
now, offensive to the carnal heart, and hence he was com- 
manded by the voluptuous court of Mary to desist. Knox, 
who knew no master and obeyed no mandate that was in 
opposition to his God and his Bible, paid no attention to 
this command of the palace. Hearing immediately from the 
enemies of the cross, who were then, as I fear they are at 
present, the favourites and friends of the palace, that her 
orders were disobeyed, the haughty Mary summoned the 



MORA L. 131 

Scottish reformer into her presence. When Knox arrived 
he was ushered into the room in which were the queen and 
her attendant lords. On being questioned concerning his 
contumacy, he answered plainly that he preached nothing 
but truth, and that he dared not preach less. " But," an- 
swered one of the lords, " our commands must be obeyed on 
pain of death ; silence or the gallows is the alternative." 
The spirit of Knox was roused by the dastardly insinuation 
that any human punishment could make him desert the ban- 
ner of his Saviour, and with that fearless, indescribable 
courage which disdains the pomp of language or of action, 
he firmly replied, " My lords, you are mistaken if you think 
you can intimidate me to do by threats what conscience and 
God tell me I never shall do ; for be it known unto you that 
it is a matter of no importance to me, when I have finished 
my work, whether my bones shall bleach in the winds of 
heaven or rot in the bosom of the earth." Knox having re- 
tired, one of the lords said to the queen, " We may let him 
alone, for we cannot punish that man." Well, therefore, 
might it be said by a nobleman at the grave of John Knox, 
" Here lies one who never feared the face of man." 



Female Fortitude, and the Persecutor Disappoint- 
ed. — A pious woman used to say she would never want, be- 
cause her God would supply her every need. In a time of 
persecution she was taken before an unjust judge for attend- 
ing a conventicle, as they styled her offence. The judge, 
on seeing her, rejoiced over her, and tauntingly said, " I have 
often wished to have you in my power, and now I shall send 
you to prison, and then how will you be fed ?" She replied, 
" If it be my heavenly Father's pleasure, I shall be fed from 
your table," and that was literally the case ; for the judge's 
wife, being present at her examination, and being greatly 
struck with the good woman's firmness, took care to send 
her victuals from her table, so that she was comfortably sup- 
plied all the while she was in confinement ; and in this she 
found her reward, for the Lord was pleased to work on her 
soul to her real conversion. 



PROFANE SWEARING. 

At the time when the Conformity Bill was debated in 
Parliament, Mr. Howe passed a noble lord in a chair in St. 



132 ANECDOTES. 

James's Park, who sent his footman to call him, desiring to 
speak with him on this subject. In the conversation, speak- 
ing of the opponents of the dissenters, he said, " D — n these 
wretches, for they are mad." Mr. Howe, who was no 
stranger to the nobleman, expressed great satisfaction in the 
thought that there is a God who governs the world, who will 
finally make retribution to all according to their present 
characters ; " And he, my lord, has declared he will make 
a difference between him that sweareth and him that feareth 
an oath." The nobleman was struck with the hint, and said, 
" I thank you, sir, for your freedom. I take your meaning, 
and shall endeavour to make a good use of it" Mr. Howe 
replied, "My lord, I have more reason to thank your lord- 
ship for saving me the most difficult part of a discourse, which 
is the application" 

An elector of Cologne (who was likewise an archbishop) 
one day swearing profanely, asked a peasant, who seemed 
to wonder, what he was so surprised at. " To hear an arch- 
bishop swear," answered the peasant. " I swear," replied 
the elector, "not as an archbishop, but as a prince." " But, 
my lord," said the peasant, " when the prince goes to the 
devil, what will become of the archbishop ?" 

Swearing Rebuked. — The learned and pious Dr. Desa- 
guliers being on one occasion in the company of a number 
of persons of the first rank, a gentleman of the party, who 
was unhappily addicted to swearing, at every oath he uttered 
kept asking the doctor's pardon. The doctor bore this levity 
for some time with great patience ; at length he was obliged 
to silence the swearer with this fine rebuke : " Sir, you have 
taken some pains to render me ridiculous, if possible, by 
your pointed apologies ; now, sir, I must tell you, if God 
Almighty does not hear you, I assure you I will never tell 
him." 



Mr. Scott. — " The story is well known," says Mr. Scott, 
" of the person who invited a company of his friends that 
were accustomed to take the Lord's name in vain, and con- 
trived to have all their discourse taken down and read to 
them. Now, if they could not endure to hear the words re- 
peated which they had spoken during a few hours, how shall 
they bear to have all that they have uttered through a long 
course of years brought forth as evidence against them at 
the tribunal of God ?" 






MORAL 133 

Swearing Rebuked by Washington. — The following is 
given in a note, as an extract from the orderly-book, August 3. 

" That the troops may have an opportunity of attending 
public worship, as well as to take some rest after the great 
fatigue they have gone through, the general in future ex- 
cuses them from fatigue-duty on Sundays, except at the 
shipyards or on special occasions, until farther orders. The 
general is sorry to be informed that the wicked and foolish 
practice of profane cursing and swearing, a vice heretofore 
little known in the American army, is growing into fashion. 
He hopes the officers will, by example as well as influence, 
endeavour to check it, and that both they and the men will 
reflect that we can have little hope of the blessing of Heaven 
on our arms if we insult it by our impiety and folly. Added 
to this, it is a vice so mean and low, without any temptation, 
that every man of sense and character detests and despises it." 

Howard's Opinion of Swearers. — As he was standing 
one day near the door of a printing-office, he heard some 
dreadful volleys of oaths and curses from a public house 
opposite, and buttoning his pocket up before he went into 
the street, he said to the workmen near him, " I always do 
this whenever I hear men swear, as I think that any one who 
can take God's name in vain can also steal, or do anything 
else that is bad." 



CHARACTERISTICS OF AMERICANS. 

Hancock and Franklin. — " We must be unanimous," 
observed Hancock on the occasion of signing the Declara- 
tion of Independence ; " there must be no pulling different 
ways ; we must all hang together." " Yes," added Franklin, 
" we must all hang together, or most assuredly we shall all 
hang separately." 



Cause of Last War. — The following anecdote is taken 
from a speech of Alvin Stewart, Esq., on Human Rights, in 
New- York City, 1 838. " We once had six hundred and forty 
(thousand ? no, six hundred and forty men) impressed by the 
British on board their men-of-war. And the whole nation 
cried ' To arms.' Probably many of these men were in 
fact English. They were none of them in the bonds of ir- 
responsible power. They were always under the protecting 



134 ANECDOTES. 

care of British law ; and British humanity looked on and 
stood ready to procure redress if they were used with cruelty. 
But the nation would not have even six hundred and forty 
citizens deprived of their liberty and compelled against their 
own free choice to serve a foreign power. And not less than 
twenty thousand lives were lost,* and a hundred and thirty 
millions of money expended ; and it was thought to be all 
proper, for the defence of human rights. Those of this as- 
sembly who were then on the stage of action will remember 
when the array of arms, the long line of death stretched 
from Chicago to Castine, and the whole nation was arranged 
to fight for those six hundred and forty seamen, whose only 
injury was in doing duty against their will on board of British 
ships." 

American Rustic Hospitality. — -Returning from a dis- 
tant excursion, I was overtaken by the night, and found my 
path obstructed by a deep inlet from the river, which, being 
choked with logs and brush, could not be crossed by swim- 
ming. Observing a house on the opposite side, I called for 
assistance. A half-naked, ill-looking fellow came down, 
and after dragging a canoe round from the river, with some 
trouble ferried me over, and I followed him to his habitation, 
near to which our boat was moored for the night. His cabin 
was of the meanest kind, consisting of a single apartment, 
constructed of logs, which contained a family of seven or 
eight souls, and everything seemed to designate him as a 
new and unthrifty settler. After drinking a bowl of milk, 
which I really called for by way of excuse for paying him 
a little more for his trouble, I asked to know his charge for 
ferrying me over the water, to which he good-humouredly 
replied that he "never took money for helping a traveller 
on his way." " Then let me pay you for your milk." " I 
never sell milk." " But," said I, urging him, " I would rather 
pay you ; I have money enough." " Well," said he, " I have 
milk enough, so we're even ; I have as good a right to give 
you milk as you have to give me money.' 

The right of petition, and duty of Congress to hear, is 
forcibly illustrated in the following anecdotes. 

On Petitioning. — There was a man who lost a horse 
during the revolutionary war, and he undertook to get paid 
for it out of the United States' treasury ; so he petitioned 
and petitioned as long as he lived, and after his death his 
widow petitioned from year to vear, and all their petitions 



MORAL. 135 

were received, and read, and referred, and considered, and 
reported on, and after many years they got their money. 

There was a man who lost a slave's limb in the last war 
by exposure around the ramparts of cotton bags at New-Or- 
leans. This man petitioned, not for the slave, but for the 
mere portion of a slave, and his petition was received, read, 
referred, reported on, debated, and finally decided by the 
united wisdom of that august assembly. 

General C. C. Pinckney. — In 1794, his firm opposition 
to the arrogance of the French Directory, demanding tribute 
as the price of peace, obtained for him the universal applause 
of his country ; nor can it be forgotten while the hallowed 
standard, raised at the construction of the lines for the de- 
fence of Charleston, on the Pinckney redoubt, proclaims the 
cherished sentiment of America — " Millions for defence, but 
not a cent for tribute" 



TEMPERANCE. 

The following is extracted from Professor Edgar's speech 
before the London Temperance Society. 

Rum-seller's Diary. — " Dec. 26. Up early this morning 
to give morning drams to thirsty soakers, who had been 
powerfully refreshed last night, being Christmas ; my son 
told me that, in three hours, he heard two hundred blasphe- 
mies in our shop ; strange that people keep all their newly- 
coined oaths to swear them off in my shop. Dec. 30. Lost 
two of my customer's to-day, one by delirium tremens, the 
other by a drunken fall ; a coroners inquest was held on the 
first, and a verdict returned, ' Died by the visitation of God, ;' 
the god Bacchus, I suppose. Dec. 31. On this last day of 
the year led to make a few reflections ; very odd that so 
many of my customers desert me for the workhouse and 
some for the madhouse ; wonder what will become of the 
poor fellow who went from my counter and set fire to his 
neighbour's cornstack ? hope he won't go the same road as 
my old couple, poor creatures, who cut the lodger's throat 
to sell his body for drink, for I would lose his custom. 
N.B. Attended to-day the funerals of two good customers, 
who complained of a pain in the side ; some say they died 
of a liver complaint ; cannot understand how my eldest son 



136 ANECDOTES. 

only eighteen, has become a drunkard, though I gave him 
good advice, not to drink spirits at all at all, except the least 
drop in the world ; very awkward that no medicine cures 
my eyes, so that I wear goggles ; Joshua Mim, the Quaker, 
had the impudence to tell me, 'If thee would wear goggles 
on thee mouth instead of thee eyes, thee eyes would get 
better.' While so many old customers are dying off, happy 
to see their places filled by sons and daughters, imitating 
their parents nobly in supporting a trade countenanced by the 
best in the land, and licensed as honest and honourable by 
the wise laivs of my country." 



" The Devil's Blood."— The Rev. Mr. Heckwelder re- 
lates the following fact of the influence of rum upon an In- 
dian. 

" An Indian who had been born and brought up at Mini- 
sink, near the Delaware water-gap, told me, near fifty years 
ago, that he had once, under the influence of strong liquor, 
killed the best Indian friend he had, fancying him to be his 
avowed enemy. 

" He said that the deception was complete, and that, while 
intoxicated, the face of his friend presented to his eyes all 
the features of a man with whom he was in a state of hos- 
tility. 

" It is impossible to express the horror with which he was 
struck when he awoke from that delusion. He was so 
shocked, that he resolved never more to taste the maddening 
poison, of which he was convinced the devil was the invent- 
or ; for it could only be the evil spirit who made him see 
his enemy when his friend was before him, and produced so 
strong a delusion upon his bewildered senses. 

"From that time until his death, which happened thirty 
years afterward, he never drank a drop of ardent spirit, 
which he always called ' the devil's blood,' and was firmly 
persuaded that the devil or some of the infernal spirits had 
a hand in preparing it." 

Colonel B ruling over Rum. — Colonel B was 

a man of amiable manners and well-informed mind. Being 
much employed in public business which called him from 
place to place, ardent spirit was often set before him with 
an invitation to drink. At first he took a social glass for civil- 
ity's sake. But at length a habit was formed, and appetite 
began to crave its customary indulgence. He drank more 
largely, and once or twice was quite overcome. His friends 



MORAL. 137 

were alarmed. He was on the brink of a precipice from 
which many had fallen to the lowest pitch of wretchedness. 
In his sober hours he saw the danger he was in. Said he to 

himself one day when alone, " Shall Colonel B rule, or 

shall rum rule ? If Colonel B rule, he and his family 

may be respectable and happy ; but if rum rule, Colonel 

B is ruined, his property wasted, and his family made 

wretched !" At length, said he, I set down my foot, and 

said, " Colonel B shall rule and rum obey." And from 

that day Colonel B did rule. He immediately broke 

off from his intemperate habits, and lived to a good old age, 
virtuous, respected, and happy. Let every one who has 
acquired or is acquiring a similar habit, go and do likewise. 



A good Example. — In a neighbouring town, some twenty- 
five years since, a very worthy woman was left a widow, 
with a large family of children ; and unfortunately, as is too 
often the case, without any provision for their maintenance. 
As a common expedient to obtain relief, she opened a little 
shop, filled with toys and sweetmeats for children. Some 
of her friends advised her to pursue the business of retailing 
ardent spirits, as being more certain and lucrative. A bar- 
rel of rum was therefore purchased, which occupied a con- 
spicuous place among her other articles. But the good wo- 
man's conscience was ill at ease, with the reflection that she 
was administering to the misery of her fellow-creatures in- 
stead of contributing to their happiness. She resolved, at 
the hazard of starvation, to buy no more rum. The barrel 
was immediately removed, and God approved the deed by 
smiling on her subsequent exertions to procure an honest live- 
lihood. There is something sublime and affecting in such 
heroic conduct. This poor woman may be emphatically 
styled a pioneer in the cause of temperance. We under- 
stand that she takes the liveliest interest in the efforts which 
are now in train for the extinction of spirituous liquors, and 
looks backs with thrilling emotions of pleasure to the time 
when she voluntarily relinquished a pernicious but profitable 
business — in this world's loneliness and solitude, unseen and 
unapplauded, with her innocent offspring pleading for bread 
— for the sake of virtue and God. 



Temperance the Starvation of Physicians. — One of 
the kings of Persia sent a very eminent physician to Mo- 
hammed ; who, remaining a long time in Arabia without 
practice, at last grew weary, and presenting himself before 

S 



138 A N E C D T E S. 

the prophet, he thus addressed him : " Those who had a 
right to command me sent me here to practice physic ; but 
since I came, I have had no opportunity of showing my em- 
inence in this profession, as no one seems to have any occasion 
for me." Mohammed replied, " The custom of our country 
is this : We neve?' eat but whenwe are hungry ; and always 
leave off while ive have an appetite for more." The phy- 
sician answered, " That is the way to be always in health, 
and to render the physician useless ;" and, so saying, he took 
his leave and returned to Persia. 



To cure Sore Eyes. — " Good-morning, landlord," said 
a man the other day, as he stepped into a tavern to get some- 
thing to drink. 

" Good-morning, sir," replied mine host ; " how do you do ?" 

" Oh, I don't know," said the man, raising his goggles and 
wiping away the rheum; "I'm plagued most to death with 
these ere pesky sore eyes. I wish you'd tell me how to 
cure 'em." 

" Willingly," said the merry host. " Wear your goggles 
over your mouth, wash your eyes in brandy, and I'll warrant 
a cure." . 



The Antagonist. — At a temperance meeting in which 
the Rev. T. P. Hunt was speaking of the destructive effects 
of spirituous liquor upon the human system, a miserable 
drunkard arose and said he was as strong as any man ; and 
he would challenge any man to fight with him. An able- 
bodied temperance man immediately stepped forward and 
accepted the challenge. " Hold," said Mr. H., " there is no 
need of your wasting your energies ; there is nothing wanted 
but a little black bottle, that will trip up his legs in five 
minutes." The poor drunkard sat down in utter confusion. 



Temperate Drinking. — The respectable temperate 
drinker upholds and sustains the whole trade in intoxicating 
drinks. Let such abandon the use, and the whole machinery 
of making and vending these poisons falls to the ground. 
The trade cannot live by the patronage of the intemperate 
drinker. Temperate drinkers of alcohol, is not this so ? 

JEschines, commending Philip, king of Macedon, for a 
jovial man that would drink freely, Demosthenes answered 
" that this was a good quality in a sponge, but not in a king." 



M ORAL. 139 

A Cutting Rebuke. — On an occasion, as a religious grog- 
seller was attempting to quiet a disturbance which originated 
in a brothel not many yards from his own house on a Satur- 
day evening, the bully of the den issued forth, and accosted 
the worthy pillar of the church, " Yes," said he," it's very fine 
for you, Mr. , to come here and complain of the noise af- 
ter you have supplied them with the stuff that makes them 
drunk, and steals away their sense, while you have their 
money in your pocket !" As may naturally be expected, the 
worthy Levite was speechless by such a rebuke from such a 
character. — Isle of Man Herald. 



The Wise Goat. — The late R. P. of W. was for some 
time awfully ensnared by the sin of drunkenness, but was, 
at length, recovered from it in the following singular way : 
he had a tame goat, which was wont to follow him to the 
alehouse which he frequented. One day, by way of frolic, 
he gave the animal so much ale that it became intoxicated. 
What particularly struck Mr. P. was, that, from that time, 
though the creature would follow him to the door, he never 
could get it to enter the house. Revolving this circumstance 
in his mind, Mr. P. was led to see how much the sin by 
which he had been enslaved had sunk him beneath a beast, 
and from that time became a sober man. 



To what an awful extent must the rage for ardent spirits 
have prevailed at one period in England, when the parlia- 
ment was obliged to prohibit for twelve months the distilla- 
tion of gin ! Smollett informs us that there were at that time 
signs or showboards to the tippling houses, with this tariff 
of prices, " drunk for a penny, dead drunk for twopence, 
straw for nothing." 

Every man is in danger of becoming a drunkard who is 
in the habit of drinking ardent spirits on any of the follow- 
ing occasions : 1. When he is warm. 2. When he is cold. 
3. When he is wet. 4. When he is dry. 5. When he is 
dull. 6. When he is lively. 7. When he travels. 8. When 
he is at home. 9. When he is in company. 10. W T hen he 
is alone. 11. When he is at work. 12. When he is idle. 
13. Before meals. 14. After meals. 15. When he gets 
up. 16. When he goes to bed. 17. On holydays. 18. On 
public occasions. 19. On any day; or, 20. On any occasion. 

Intoxication. — By one of the laws of Pittacus, one of 



140 ANECDOTES. 

the seven wise men of Greece, every fault committed by a 
man when intoxicated was deemed to deserve double pun- 
ishment. 



Pleasures of Expectation. — A drunken fellow, at a 
late hour in the night, was sitting in the middle of the Place 
Vendome. A friend of his happening to pass, recognised 
him and said, " Well, what do you here ! why don't you go 
home ?" The drunkard replied, " My good fellow, 'lis just 
what I want (hiccough), but the place is all going round 
(hiccough), and I'm waiting for my door to pass by." 



License System (By Professor Edgar). — "Is it not a 
sad feature of our excise revenue, that it fattens as the peo- 
ple starve ? A curse is upon such revenue ; it is stained 
with blood, it is washed with the tears of widows and of 
orphans. There was a time when the account of crime was 
easily settled. Did the debauchee, tired of the mother of 
his children, wish another in her place ? He bought an in- 
dulgence, and had his wish. You have heard of the nobleman 
who, having bought from Tetzel an indulgence for a crime 
to be committed, robbed him, beat him, and told him that 
was the crime for which he paid. This nobleman was not 
half so mischievous as the rumseller, and Tetzel never drove 
so barefaced a trade in indulgences as our own government. 
Rumsellers' licenses are all indulgences, like the nobleman's, 
for future crimes. The rumseller presents himself at the 
office of indulgences — the excise — asking a license. What 
does he want ? A license to kill. Is it with the sword ? 
The sword is an antiquated weapon, which may cut down 
some thousands of men in a single day, then for years it 
rusts in its scabbard; but he drives a trade in death, which 
goes on night and day, mingling young and old, male and 
female, in one indiscriminate slaughter. Does he ask inoc- 
ulation for the plague ? The plague may spread its havoc 
once in a century, but it is soon gone, and health and beauty 
smile where once was the house of the dead; but the grave 
for his victims must never close, the tears of his widows 
must never dry ; whether spring scatters her flowers or win- 
ter his frost, the crowd of victims must throng to his den to 
return no more. Honour and conscience must die, female 
virtue must fall before the seducer, and a profligate race 
must leave to sons' sons a heritage of iniquity and death. 
For all this he modestly asks a license, and our wise, pater- 
nal, and Christian government answer, 'Pay the price and 



MORAL. 141 

begin.' " A friend of mine, distressed by the ravages of 
the neighbouring rurnsellers, prosecuted them for not having 
legal qualifications. They were convicted, but the magis- 
trate said it was neither patriotic nor loyal to deprive the 
revenue of such a sum as so many rumseller's paid ; and so 
the rumseller's returned to their drunkeries in triumph. 

Quieting Conscience. — In a town not many miles off, 
the sober part of it, in imitation of their neighbours of other 
towns, resolved to call a meeting for the purpose of consid- 
ering the expediency of adopting the best measures for the 
suppression of intemperance. Accordingly, notice to this ef- 
fect was given, and a meeting was convened. The meeting 
being organized, and the objects of it stated by a venerable 
and very good sort of a man, various resolutions were adopt- 
ed. Among them was one which seemed to embrace the 
whole subject, as it would, it was supposed, put an entire 
veto upon the crying sin of intemperance. It is well 
known to the " wool-growing" part of the community that 
their sheep must be effectually washed, in order to cleanse 
the wool for the manufacturer, once a year. Now this 
is a laborious business ; not only so, but a very wet and 
cold business, as the sheep should be washed early in the 
season, before the wool begins to fall. In consequence, the 
good people of the town resolved, under heavy penalties, 
that they would, in no case whatever, drink any ardent spir- 
its save at the laborious, cold, and wet business of washing 
sheep. Not many days after it was observed that one of 
those who composed the aforesaid meeting was a " little the 
worse for liquor." He was charged with the fact, but he 
protested he had lived up to the very spirit and letter of the 
resolution. He was asked how that could be. " Why,' said 
he, " I have a sheep in that pen which I regularly wash seven 
times a day /" 



Temperance. — Anachonis, the philosopher, being asked 
by what means a man might best guard against the vice of 
drunkenness, answered, " By bearing constantly in his view 
the loathsome, indecent behaviour of such as are intoxicated." 
Upon this principle was founded the custom of the Lacedae- 
monians of exposing their drunken slaves to their children, 
who by that means conceived an early aversion to a vice 
which makes men appear so monstrous and irrational. 



The Drunkard's Cloak. — It appears from " Gardiner's 



142 ANECD OTES. 

England's Grievance in Relation to the Coal Trade," that in 
the time of the commonwealth, the magistrates of Newcas- 
tle-upon-Tyne punished drunkards by making them put a 
tub over their heads, with holes in the sides for the arms to 
pass through, called the Drunkard's Cloak, and thus walk 
through the streets of the town. 



Spontaneous Combustion of Drunkards. — When Kit- 
Iredge published his first address, which electrified the 
nation, his introduction of a case of combustion was almost 
universally regretted. It was so new, and appeared so in- 
credible, that scarce any one was found ready to believe or 
sustain it, while every moderate and immoderate drinker of 
alcohol from Georgia to Maine, and every manufacturer and 
vender of intoxicating drinks, laid hold of it as effectual to 
counteract and destroy all the influence which that most 
thrilling address was calculated to produce. But now these 
cases have multiplied so much, and been so well attested, 
that few are disposed to call them in question. Doctor Peter 
Schofield, of Upper Canada, gives the following case ; a 
terrible monition to all drunkards. 

" It was the case of a young man, about twenty-five years 
of age : he had been an habitual drinker for many years. 
I saw him about nine o'clock in the evening on which it 
happened. He was then, as usual, not drunk, but full of 
liquor. About eleven the same evening I was called to see 
him. I found him literally roasted from the crown of his 
head to the soles of his feet. He was found in a black- 
smith's shop just across the way from where he had been. 
The owner all of a sudden discovered an extensive light in 
his shop, as though the whole building was in one general 
flame. He ran with the greatest precipitancy, and on fling- 
ing open the door discovered a man standing erect in the 
midst of a widelv-extended silver-coloured blaze, bearing, 
as he described it, exactly the appearance of the wick of a 
burning candle in the midst of its own flame. He seized 
him by the shoulder and jerked him to the door, upon which 
the flame was instantly extinguished. 

" There was no fire in the shop, neither was there any 
possibility of fire having been communicated to him from 
any external source. It was purely a case of spontaneous 
ignition. A general sloughing came on, and his flesh was 
consumed, or removed in the dressing, leaving the bones and 
a few of the larger bloodvessels standing. The blood- 
nevertheless, rallied around the heart, and maintained the 









MORAL. 143 

vital spark until the thirteenth day, when he died, not only 
the most loathsome, ill-featured, and dreadful picture that 
was ever presented to human view, but his shrieks, his cries, 
and lamentations were enough to rend a heart of adamant. 
He complained of no pain of body ; his flesh was gone. He 
said he was suffering the torments of hell ; that he was just 
upon its threshold, and should soon enter its dismal caverns ; 
and in this frame of mind gave up the ghost. Oh, the death 
of a drunkard ! Well may it be said to beggar all descrip- 
tion. I have seen other drunkards die, but never in a 
manner so awful and affecting. They usually go off sense- 
less and stupid as it regards a future state !" 
In all such cases Professor Silliman remarks : 
" The entire body having become saturated with alcohol 
absorbed into all its tissues, becomes highly inflammable, as 
indicated by the vapour which reeks from the breath and 
lungs of a drunkard : this vapour, doubtless highly alcoholic, 
may take fire, and then the body slowly consume." 

As a valuable document, we present from Dr. Lindsley's 
Prize Essay the following table : 



144 



ANECDOTES. 



OF THE PRINCIPAL CASES OF SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION FROM THE 
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MORAL. 145 

Pledge Breaking. — " Many of the tee-totallers break 
their pledges," said an objector the other day, insinuating as 
much as if that were an objection to the tee-total cause. 
" Yes," replied the tee-totaller, " many break their pledges, 
but you cannot find one of them that betters himself thereby." 

Drinking the King's Health. — I shall preserve the 
story in the words of Whitelocke ; it was something ludi- 
crous as well as terrific. 

From Berkshire (in May, 1650) that five drunkards agreed 
to drink the king's health in their blood, and that each of 
them should cut off a piece of his buttock and fry it upon 
the gridiron, which was done by four of them, of whom one 
did bleed so exceedingly that they were fain to send for a 
chirurgeon, and so were discovered. The wife of one of 
them, hearing that her husband was among them, came to 
the room, and taking up a pair of tongs, laid about her, and 
so saved the cutting of her husband's flesh. — Whitelocke' s 
Memorials, p. 453, second edition. 

Luxury. — In the tenth year of the reign of Edward IV., 
1470, George Nevill, brother to the Earl of Warwick, at his 
instalment into the archiepiscopal see of York, entertained 
most of the nobility and principal clergy, when his bill of 
fare was 300 quarters of wheat, 350 tuns of ale, 104 tuns 
of wine, a pipe of spiced wine, 80 fat oxen, six wild bulls, 
1004 wethers, 300 hogs, 300 calves, 3000 geese, 3000 ca- 
pons, 300 pigs, 100 peacocks, 200 cranes, 200 kids, 2000 
chickens, 4000 pigeons, 4000 rabbits, 204 bitterns, 4000 
ducks, 200 pheasants, 500 partridges, 2000 woodcocks, 400 
plovers, 100 curlews, 100 quails, 1000 egrets, 200 rees, 400 
bucks, does, and roebucks, 1506 hot venison pasties, 4000 
cold ditto, 1000 dishes of jelly, parted, 4000 dishes of jelly, 
plain, 4000 cold custards, 2000 hot custards, 300 pikes, 300 
Dreams, eight seals, four porpoises, 400 tarts. At this feast 
the Earl of Warwick was steward, the Earl of Bedford 
treasurer, and Lord Hastings comptroller, with many more 
noble officers ; 1000 servitors, 62 cooks, 515 menial appar- 
itors in the kitchen. But such was the fortune of the man, 
that, after this extreme prodigality, he died in the most ab- 
ject but unpitied poverty, vinctus jacuit in summa inopia. 

And as to dress, luxury in that article seems to have at- 

tai/.^d a great height long before Holinshed's time ; for, in 

the rc.jn of Edward III., we find no fewer than seven sump- 

nurv laws passed in one session of parliament to restrain it. 

T 7 



146 ANECDOTES. 

It was enacted that men-servants of lords, as also of trades- 
men and artisans, shall be content with one meal of fish or 
flesh every day, and the other meals daily shall be of milk, 
cheese, butter, and the like. Neither shall they use any 
ornaments of gold, silk, or embroidery, nor their wives or 
daughters any veils above the price of twelvepence. Arti- 
sans and yeomen shall not wear cloth above the price of 40.? 
the whole piece (the finest being about 6/. per piece), nor the 
ornaments before named. Nor the women any veils of silk, 
but only those of thread made in England. Gentlemen 
under the degree of knights, not having 100/. yearly in land, 
shall not wear any cloth above 4J marks the whole piece. 
Neither shall they or their females use cloth of gold, silver, 
or embroidery, &c. But esquires having 200/. per annum 
or upward of rent may wear cloth of five marks the whole 
piece of cloth, and they and their females may also wear 
stuff of silk, silver ribands, girdles, or furs. Merchants 
or citizen-burghers, and artificers or tradesmen, as well of 
London as elsewhere, who have goods and chattels of the 
clear value of 500/., and their females, may wear as is al- 
lowed to gentlemen and esquires of 100/. per annum. And 
merchant-citizens and burgesses worth above 1000/. in 
goods and chattels may (and their females) wear the same 
as gentlemen of 200/. per annum. Knights of 200 marks 
yearly may wear cloth of six marks the piece, but no higher ; 
but no cloth of gold nor furred with ermine ; but all knights 
and ladies having above 400 marks yearly, up to 1000/. per 
annum, may wear as they please, ermine excepted ; and they 
may wear ornaments of pearl and precious stones for their 
heads only. Clerks having degrees in cathedrals, colleges, 
&c, may wear as knights and esquires of the same income. 
Ploughmen, carters, shepherds, and such like, not having 
405. value in goods or chattels, shall wear no sort of cloth 
but blankets and russet lawn of 12c?., and shall wear girdles 
and belts ; and they shall only eat and drink suitable to their 
stations. And whosoever useth any other apparel than is 
prescribed in the above laws shall forfeit the same. 

Source of Luxury. — A Norwegian reproaching a Dutch- 
man with luxury, " What is become," said he, " of those 
happy times when a merchant on going from Amsterdam to 
the Indies left a quarter of dried beef in his kitchen, and 
found it at his return ? Where are your wooden spoons and 
iron forks ? Is it not a shame for a sober Dutchman to lie 
in a damask bed ?" " Go to Batavia," answered the man of 



MORAL. 147 

Amsterdam ; " get ten tons of gold, as I have done, and see 
whether you will not want to be a little better clothed, fed, 
and lodged." 

Ingratitude. — In a little work entitled Friendly Cau- 
tions to Officers, the following atrocious instance of ingrati- 
tude is related. An opulent city in the west of England, 
little used to have troops with them, had a regiment sent to 
be quartered. The principal inhabitants and wealthiest 
merchants, glad to show their hospitality and attachment to 
their sovereign, took the first opportunity to get acquainted 
with the officers, inviting them to their houses, and showing 
every civility in their power. This was truly a desirable 
situation. A merchant, extremely easy in his circumstances, 
took so prodigious a liking to one officer in particular, that 
he gave him an apartment in his own house, and made him, 
in a manner, absolute master of it, the officer's friends being 
always welcome to his table. The merchant was a widow- 
er, and had only two favourite daughters ; the officer, in so 
comfortable a situation, cast his wanton eyes upon them, and, 
too fatally succeeding, ruined them both. Dreadful return 
to the merchant's misplaced friendship ! 

The consequence of this ungenerous action was, that all 
officers ever after were shunned as a public nuisance, as a 
pest to society ; nor have the inhabitants perhaps yet con- 
quered their aversion to a redcoat. 

We read in Rapin's History, that during Monmouth's re- 
bellion, in the reign of James II., a certain person, knowing 
the humane disposition of one Mrs. Gaunt, whose life was 
one continual exercise of beneficence, fled to her house, 
where he was concealed and maintained for some time. 
Hearing, however, of the proclamation which promised an 
indemnity and reward to those who discovered such as har- 
boured the rebels, he betrayed his benefactress ; and such 
was the spirit of justice and equity which prevailed among 
the ministers, that he was pardoned and recompensed for 
his treachery, while she was burned alive for her charity. 

Macedo. — Basilius Macedo, the emperor, exercising him- 
self in hunting, a sport he took great delight in, a great stag, 
running furiously against him, fastened one of the branches 
of his horns in the emperor's girdle, and, pulling him from 
his horse, dragged him a good distance to the imminent dan- 
ger of his life ; which a gentleman of his retinue perceiving, 
drew his sword and cut the emperor's girdle asunder, which 



148 ANECDOTES. 

disengaged him from the beast, with little or no hirt to his 
person. But observe what reward he had for his pains : 
" He was sentenced to lose his head for putting his sword 
so near the body of the emperor," and suffered death accord- 
ingly. 

The Ungrateful Guest. — A certain soldier in the Mace- 
donian army had in many instances distinguished himself 
by extraordinary marks of valour, and had received many 
marks of Philip's favour and approbation. On some occa- 
sion he embarked on board a vessel, which was wrecked 
by a violent storm, and he himself cast on the shore helpless 
and naked, and scarcely with the appearance of life. A Ma- 
cedonian, whose lands were contiguous to the sea, came op- 
portunely to be witness of his distress ; and, with all humane 
and charitable tenderness, flew to the relief of the unhappy 
stranger. He bore him to his house, laid him in his own 
bed, revived, cherished, comforted, and for forty days sup- 
plied him freely with all the necessaries and conveniences 
which his languishing condition could require. The soldier, 
thus happily rescued from death, was incessant in the warm- 
est expressions of gratitude to his benefactor, assured him 
of his interest with the king, and of his power and resolution 
of obtaining for him, from the royal bounty, the noble returns 
which such extraordinary benevolence had merited. He was 
now completely recovered, and his kind host supplied him 
with money to pursue his journey. In some time after he 
presented himself before the king ; he recounted his misfor- 
tunes, magnified his services ; and this inhuman wretch, 
who had looked with an eye of envy on the possessions of 
the man who had preserved his life, was now so abandoned 
to all sense of gratitude as to request that the king would be- 
stow upon him the house and lands where he had been so 
tenderly and kindly entertained. Unhappily, Philip, with- 
out examination, inconsiderately and precipitately granted 
his infamous request ; and this soldier, now returned to his 
preserver, repaid his goodness by driving him from his set- 
tlement, and taking immediate possession of all the fruits of 
his honest industry. The poor man, stung with this instance 
of unparalleled ingratitude and insensibility, boldly deter- 
mined, instead of submitting to his wrongs, to seek relief; 
and, in a letter addressed to Philip, represented his own and 
the soldier's conduct in a lively and affecting manner. The 
king was instantly fired with indignation ; he ordered that 
justice should be done without delay; that the possessions 



M B A L. 149 

should be immediately restored to the man whose charitable 
offices had been thus horribly repaid ; and having seized 
the soldier, caused these words to be branded on his fore- 
head, The Ungrateful Guest ; a character infamous in every 
age and among all nations, but particularly among the 
Greeks, who from the earliest times were most scrupulously 
observant of the laws of hospitality. 

Forwardness. — Nothing, perhaps, is more unbecoming 
young persons than the assumption of consequence before 
men of age, wisdom, and experience. The advice, therefore, 
of Parmenio, the Grecian general, to his son, was worthy of 
him to give, and worthy of every man of sense to adopt : " My 
son," says he, " would you be great, you must be less ;" that 
is, you must be less in your own eyes if you would be great 
in the eyes of others. 

An acute Frenchman has remarked, " that the modest de- 
portment of really wise men, when contrasted to the assu- 
ming air of the young and ignorant, may be compared to the 
different appearance of wheat, which, while its ear is empty, 
holds up its head proudly; but, as soon as it is filled with 
grain, bends modestly down and withdraws from observa- 
tion." 

Anthony Blackwall, the author of that excellent work, the 
" Sacred Classics Defended and Illustrated," had the felicity 
to bring up many excellent scholars in his seminaries at Der- 
by and Bosworth. A gentleman who had been his scholar, 
being patron of the church of Clapham, in Surrey, pre- 
sented him to that living, as a mark of his gratitude and es- 
teem. This happening late in life, and Blackwall having oc- 
casion to wait upon the bishop of the diocess, he was some- 
what pertly questioned by a young chaplain as to the extent 
of his learning. " Boy," replied the indignant veteran, " I 
have forgotten more than ever you knew." An answer this 
much like that of Sergeant Glanville to the young lawyer. 

Once, at a meeting of ministers, a question of moment was 
started to be debated among them. Upon the first proposal of 
it, a confident young man shoots his bolt presently. " Truly," 
said he, " I hold it so." " You hold, sir !" answered a grave 
minister ; " it becomes you to hold your tongue." 

A young minister once preaching for Mr. Brewer, evident- 
ly laboured to set himself off to the best advantage. Being 
afterward very solicitous to know of Mr. Brewer what the 
people said of him, he received the following answer : " Why, 
sir, the people said, and I said with them, that you said I am 
a very clever fellow." 



150 ANECDOTES. 

A very young clergyman, who had just left college, pre- 
sented a petition to the King of Prussia, requesting that his 
majesty would appoint him inspector in a certain place where 
a vacancy had just happened. As it was an office of much 
consequence, the king was offended at the presumption and 
importunity of so young a man ; and, instead of any answer 
to the petition, he wrote underneath, " 2 Book of Samuel, 
chapter x., verse 5," and returned it. The young clergy- 
man was eager to examine the quotation ; but, to his great 
disappointment, found the words, " Tarry at Jericho until 
your beards be grown." 



A Bite. — A very important stripling, whom favouritism 
had raised to the dignity of quartermaster of a regiment of 
infantry, wishing, one parade day, to dismount from his 
charger for the purpose of wetting his whistle and adjusting 
his spurs, called out in a very commanding tone to a specta- 
tor who was near him : 

" Here, fellow, hold this horse." 

" Does he kick ?" bawled out the person addressed. 
Kick ! no ! take hold of him." 

" Dose he bite ?" 

" Bite ! no ! take hold of the bridle, I say." 

" Does it take two to hold him ?" 

" No !" 

" Then hold him yourself T 

Pedantry Reproved. — A young man who was a student 
in one of our colleges, being very vain of his knowledge of 
the Latin language, embraced every opportunity that offered 
to utter short sentences in Latin before his more illiterate 
companions. An uncle of his, who was a seafaring man, 
having just arrived from a long voyage, invited his nephew 
to visit him on board of the ship. The young gentleman 
went on board, and was highly pleased with everything he 
saw. Wishing to give his uncle an idea of his superior 
knowledge, he tapped him on the shoulder, and pointing to 
the windlass, asked, " Quid est hoc ?" His uncle, being a 
man who despised such vanity, took a chew of tobacco from 
his mouth, and throwing it in his nephew's face, replied, " Hoc 
est quid." 

Honourable Descent. — A newly imported cockney tour- 
ist lately requested a gentleman of Philadelphia to give him 
letters of introduction to some foreigners in New-York, with 



MORA L. 151 

whom he might associate without degradation ; some who 
had " descended from great houses" &c. The courteous 
American readily complied with his request, and the cock- 
ney was formally introduced to three Irish hodmen, while 
they were in the very act of descending from a "great house" 
in Broadway. The traveller's mortification was highly rel- 
ished by the honest Hibernians. 

Consequence. — A pragmatical fellow, who travelled for 
a mercantile house in town, entering an inn at Bristol, con- 
sidered the traveller's room beneath his dignity, and required 
to be shown to a private apartment ; while he was taking re- 
freshment, the good hostess and her maid were elsewhere 
discussing the point as to what class their customer belonged. 
At length the bill was called for, and the charges declared to be 
enormous. " Sixpence for an egg ! I never paid such a price 
since I travelled for the house !" " There !" exclaimed the 
girl, "I told my mistress I was sure, sir, that you were no 
gentleman." 

Another gentleman, going into a tavern in the Strand, called 
for a glass of brandy and water with an air of great conse- 
quence, and after drinking it off, inquired what was to pay. 
" Fifteen pence, sir," said the waiter. " Fifteen pence ! fel- 
low, why that is downright imposition ; call your master." 
The master appeared, and the guest was remonstrating, when 
" mine host" stopped him short by saying, " Sir, fifteen pence 
is the price we charge to gentlemen ; if any persons not en- 
titled to that character trouble us, we take what they can 
afford, and are glad to get rid of them." 



Flattery. — A flatterer one day complimented Alphonso 
V. in the following words : " Sire, you are not only a king like 
others, but you are also the brother, the nephew, and the 
son of a king." " Well," replied the monarch, " what do all 
these vain titles prove ? That I hold the crown from my 
ancestors, without ever having done anything to deserve it." 

His majesty King James the First once asked Bishop 
Andrews and Bishop Neale the following question : " My 
lords, cannot I take my subjects' money when I want it with- 
out all this formality in parliament ?" Bishop Neale readily 
answered, " God forbid, sir, but you should ; you are the 
breath of our nostrils." Whereupon the king turned and 
said to Bishop Andrews, "Well, my lord, what say you?" 
" Sir," replied the bishop, " I have no skill to judge of par- 
liamentary cases." The king answered, " No put offs my 



152 ANECDOTES. 

lord ; answer me presently." " Then, sir," said he, " I think 
it lawful for you to take my brother Neale's money, for he 
offers it." 



Domitius. — The orator Domitius was once in great danger 
from an inscription which he had put upon a statue erected 
by him in honour of Caligula, wherein he had declared that 
that prince was a second time consul at the age of twenty- 
seven. This he intended as an encomium ; but Caligula, 
taking it as a sarcasm upon his youth and his infringement 
of the laws, raised a process against him, and pleaded him- 
self in person. Domitius, instead of making a defence, re- 
peated part of the emperor's speech with the highest marks 
of admiration ; after which he fell upon his knees, and, beg- 
ging pardon declared that he dreaded more the eloquence of 
Caligula than his imperial power. This piece of flattery 
succeeded so well, that the emperor not only pardoned, but 
also raised him to the consulship. 



DUELLING. 

The number of duels that are now fought prove the sad 
depravity of the times, and of the little sense men have of 
another world. " If every one," says Addison, " that fought 
a duel was to stand in the pillory, it would quickly lessen 
the number of these imaginary men of honour, and put an 
end to so absurd a practice." 

Two friends happening to quarrel at a tavern, one of them, 
a man of hasty disposition, insisted that the other should 
fight him next morning ; the challenge was accepted on 
condition that they should breakfast together at the house 
of the person challenged previous to their going to the field. 
When the challenger came in the morning according to ap- 
pointment, he found every preparation made for breakfast, 
and his friend, with his wife and children, ready to receive 
him ; their repast being ended, and the family withdrawn 
without the least intimation of their purpose having tran- 
spired, the challenger asked the other if he was ready to at- 
tend. " No, sir," said he, " not till we are more on a par ; 
that amiable woman, and those six lovely children who just 
now breakfasted with us, depend, under Providence, on my 
life for subsistence ; and till you can stake something equal 
in my estimation to the welfare of seven persons dearer to 



MORAL. 153 

me than the apple of my eye, I cannot think we are equally 
matched." " We are not, indeed ! replied the other, giving 
him his hand. These two persons became firmer friend? 
than ever. 



Frederic the Great. — Frederic the Great is said to 
have taken the following summary and very successful 
method of suppressing duelling in his army : 

An officer desired his permission to fight a duel with a 
fellow-officer. He gave his consent, with the understanding 
that himself would be a spectator of the conflict. The hour 
of meeting arrived, and the parties repaired to the place of 
slaughter. But what was their surprise to find a gibbet 
erected upon the spot. The challenger inquired of Frederic, 
who was present according to agreement, what this meant. 
" I intend," said he, sternly, " to hang the surviver !" This 
was enough. The duel was not fought; and by this simple 
but effectual means, it is said duelling was broken up in the 
army of Frederic. 



A Swiss Retort. — A French officer, quarrelling with a 
Swiss, reproached him with his country's vice of fighting on 
either side for money, " while we Frenchmen," said he, 
" fight for honour." " Yes, sir," replied the Swiss, " every 
one fights for that he most wants." 

Judge Thacher. — The late Judge Thacher, of Maine, 
while a member of the national legislature, was challenged 
on a certain occasion by, I think, a member of Congress. 
The judge was not deficient in true courage, but his princi- 
ples were decidedly opposed to duelling. " I will go and 
consult my wife," replied he, " and if she will consent I will 
fight you." " You are a coward," replied the challenger. 
" Very well," said the judge ; " you knew I was, or you 
never would have challenged me." 

The Duel prevented. — Two soldiers belonging to the 
Vendean cavalry having fallen into a dispute, agreed to de- 
cide their quarrel with the sword. The Marquis de Donnisau, 
passing by at the moment, remonstrated with them on their 
want of charity. "Jesus Christ," said he, "pardoned his 
executioners, and a soldier of the Christian army endeavours 
to kill his comrade." At these words the two soldiers threw 
aside their sabres and rushed into each other's arms. 

U 



154 ANECDOTES. 

A quarrel having arisen between a celebrated gentleman 
in the literary world and one of his acquaintances, the latter 
heroically and less laconically concluded a letter to the 
former on the subject of the dispute with, " I have a life at 
your service if you dare take it." To which the other re- 
plied, " You say you have a life at my service if I dare take 
it. I must confess to you that I dare not take it; I thank 
my God I have not the courage to take it. But though I 
own that I am afraid to deprive you of your life, yet, sir, 
permit me to assure you that I am equally thankful to the 
Almighty Being for mercifully bestowing on me sufficient 
resolution, if attacked, to defend my own." This unexpect- 
ed kind of reply had the proper effect ; it brought the mad- 
man back again to his reason. Friends intervened, and the 
affair was compromised. 

Historical Anecdote of a Remarkable Duel. — The 
fame of an English dog has been deservedly transmitted to 
posterity by a monument in basso relievo, which still remains 
on the chimney-piece of the grand hall at the castle of Mon- 
targis, in France ;. the sculpture represents a dog fighting 
with a champion, and was occasioned by the following cir- 
cumstance : 

Aubri de Mondidier, a gentleman of family and fortune, 
travelling alone through the forest of Bondi, was murdered 
and buried under a tree. His dog, an English bloodhound, 
would not leave his master's grave for several days, till at 
length, compelled by hunger, he went to the house of an in- 
timate friend of the unfortunate Aubri's at Paris, and by his 
melancholy howling seemed desirous of expressing the loss 
they had both sustained. He repeated his cries, ran to the 
door, then looked back to see if any one followed him, re- 
turned to his master's friend, pulled him by the sleeve, and 
with dumb eloquence entreated him to go with him. 

The singularity of all the actions of the dog ; his coming 
there without his master, whose faithful companion he always 
had been ; the sudden disappearance of his master ; and, per- 
haps, that divine dispensation of justice and events which 
will not permit the guilty to remain long undetected, made 
the company resolve to follow the dog, who conducted them 
to the tree, where he renewed his howl, scratching the earth 
with his feet, to signify that that was the spot they should 
search. Accordingly, on digging, the body of the unfortu- 
nate Aubri was found. 

Some time after the dog accidentally met the assassin, 



MORAL. 155 

who is styled, by all historians that relate this fact, the Chev- 
alier Macaire ; when, instantly seizing him by the throat, it 
was with great difficulty he was made to leave his prey. 

Whenever he saw him after, the dog pursued and attacked 
him with equal fury. Such obstinate virulence in the ani- 
mal, confined only to Macaire, appeared extraordinary to 
those persons who recollected the dog's fondness for his mas- 
ter, and, at the same time, several instances wherein Macaire 
had displayed his envy and hatred to Aubri de Mondidier. 

Addition.il circumstances increased suspicion, which at 
length reached the royal ear. The king (Louis VIII.) sent 
for the dog. He appeared extremely gentle, till, perceiving 
Macaire in the midst of twenty noblemen, he ran directly 
towards him, growled, and flew at him as usual. 

In those times, when no positive proof of a crime could be 
procured, an order was issued for a combat between the ac- 
cuser and accused. These were denominated the judgment 
of God, from a persuasion that Heaven would sooner work 
a miracle than suffer innocence to perish with infamy. 

The king, struck with such a collection of circumstantial 
evidence against Macaire, determined to refer the decision 
to the chance of war ; or, in other words, he gave orders for 
a combat between the chevalier and the dog. The lists 
were appointed in the aisle of Notre Dame, then an unen- 
closed, uninhabited place ; Macaire's weapon was a great 
cudgel. 

The dog had an empty cask allowed for his retreat, to re 
cover breath. The combatants being ready, the dog no 
sooner found himself at liberty than he ran round his adver- 
sary, avoiding his blows, menacing him on every side, till his 
strength was exhausted ; then springing forward, he griped 
him by the throat, threw him on the ground, and forced him to 
confess his crime before the king and the whole court. In 
consequence of which the chevalier, after a few days, was 
convicted on his own acknowledgment, and beheaded on a 
scaffold in the aisle of Notre Dame. 

The above curious recital is translated from the Memoirs 
sur les Duels, and is confirmed by many judicious critical 
writers, particularly Julius Scaliger and Montfaucon, nei- 
ther of them relators of fabulous stories. 



Bible the best Sword. — The late Rev. Jonathan Scott, 
a captain in the British army, who about forty-five years ago 
was a zealous and affectionate preacher of the gospel in 
England, was accustomed to deliver his addresses from the 



156 ANECDOTES. 

pulpit (at such places as he was quartered) in his regiment- 
als* His preaching having been made effectual to the pro- 
duction of a great change in a certain young lady, the daugh- 
ter of a country gentleman, so that she could no longer join 
the family in their usual dissipations, and appeared to them 
as melancholy, or approaching to it, her father, who was a 
very gay man, looking upon Mr. Scott as the sole cause of 
what he considered his daughter's misfortune, became ex- 
ceedingly enraged at him, so much so that he actually lay 
in wait in order to shoot him. Mr. Scott, being providentially 
apprized of it, was enabled to escape the danger. The dia- 
bolical design of the gentleman being thus defeated, he sent 
Mr. Scott a challenge. Mr. Scott might have availed himself 
of the law and prosecuted him, but he took another method. 
He waited upon him at his house, was introduced to him in 
his parlour, and, with his characteristic boldness and intre- 
pidity, thus addressed him : " Sir, I hear you have designed 
to shoot me, by which you would have been guilty of mur- 
der ; failing in this, you sent me a challenge. And what a 
coward must you be, sir, to wish to engage with a blind man" 
(alluding to his being short-sighted). " As you have given 
me the challenge, it is now my right to choose the time, 
the place, and the weapon. I therefore appoint the present 
moment, sir, the place where we now are, and for the weap- 
on, the sword to which I have been most accustomed." The 
gentleman was evidently greatly terrified, when Mr. Scott, 
having attained his end, produced a pocket Bible, and ex- 
claimed, " This is my sword, sir, the only weapon I wish to 
engage with." " Never," said Mr. Scott to a friend, to whom 
he related this anecdote, " never was a poor careless sinner 
so delighted with the sight of a Bible before." Mr. Scott 
reasoned with the gentleman on the impropriety of his con- 
duct in treating him as he had done for no other reason but 
because he had preached the everlasting gospel. The re- 
sult was, the gentleman took him by the hand, begged his 
pardon, expressed his sorrow for his conduct, and became 
afterward very friendly to him. — Eng. Paper. 

Clarke on Duelling. — The following is an extract from 
Dr. A. Clarke's commentary on Hosea iv., 2, and corre- 
ponds with his expressions elsewhere on the subject. 

" Blood toucheth blood. — Murders are not only frequent, 
but assassinations are mutual. Men go out to kill each 
other — as in our duels, the phrensy of cowards — and as there 

* Your correspondent has been an eyewitness to this. 



MORAL. 157 

is no law regarded and no justice in the land, the nearest 
kin slays the murderer. Even in our land, where duels are 
so frequent, if a man kill his antagonist, it is murder, and so 
generally brought in by an honest coroner and his jury. It 
is then brought into court ; but who is hanged for it ? The 
very murder is considered as an affair of honour, though 
it began in a dispute about a prostitute ; and it is di- 
rected to be brought in manslaughter ; and the murderer is 
slightly fined for having hurried his neighbour, perhaps once 
his friend, into the eternal world, with all his imperfections 
on his head ! No wonder that a land mourns where these 
prevail, and that God should have a controversy with it. 
Such crimes as these are sufficient to bring God's curse upon 
any land !" 

How to treat a Bully. — In 1793, the Prussian officers 
of the garrison of Colberg established an economical mess, 
of which certain poor emigrants were glad to partake. They 
observed one day an old major of hussars, who was covered 
with the scars of wounds received in the " seven years' war," 
and half-hidden by enormous gray mustaches. The con- 
versation turned on duels. A young stout-built cornet began 
to prate in an authoritative tone on the subject. " And you, 
major, how many duels have you fought f* " None, thank 
Heaven," answered the old hussar, in a subdued voice ; " I 
have fourteen wounds, and, Heaven be praised, there is not 
one in my back ; so I may be permitted to say that I feel 
myself happy in never having fought a duel." " But you 
shall fight one with me," exclaimed the cornet, reaching 
across to give him a blow. The major, agitated, grasped 
the table to assist him in rising, when a unanimous cry was 
raised, " Stchen sie rhuic herr, major /" " Don't stir, ma- 
jor !" All the officers present joined in seizing the cornet, 
when they threw him out at the window, and sat down again 
to table as if nothing had occurred. 



General Hamilton. — In the year 1804 General Hamil- 
ton, who had been just appointed ambassador from the Uni- 
ted States to Paris, got involved in a political dispute with 
Colonel Aaron Burr, then vice-president. Dr. Cooper had 
published a pamphlet, in which he said, " General Hamilton 
and Dr. Kent say that they consider Colonel Burr as a dan- 
gerous man, and one unfit to be trusted with the reins of 
government." In another place the same writer says, " Gen- 
eral Hamilton has expressed of Colonel Burr opinions still 
more despicable." 



158 ANECDOTES 

The last passage excited the resentment of Colonel Burr, 
who demanded from General Hamilton " a prompt and un- 
qualified acknowledgment or denial of the expression, which 
could justify this interference on the part of Dr. Cooper." 
General Hamilton admitted the first statement, which he 
contended was fairly within the bounds prescribed in cases 
of political animosity, and objected to being called on to re- 
trace every conversation which he had held either publicly 
or confidentially in the course of fifteen years' opposition. 
This would not satisfy Colonel Burr, who demanded satis- 
faction and a meeting. 

On the evening before the duel, General Hamilton made 
his will, in which he enclosed a paper containing his opinions 
of duelling, and expressive of the reluctance with which he 
obeyed a custom so repugnant to his feelings. He says : 

" On my expected interview with Colonel Burr, I think 
proper to make some remarks explanatory of my conduct, 
motives, and views. I was certainly desirous of avoiding 
this interview, for the most cogent reasons. 

" First. My religious and moral principles are strongly 
opposed to the practice of duelling ; and it would ever give 
me pain to shed the blood of a fellow-creature in a private 
combat forbidden by the laws. 

" Secondly. My wife and children are extremely dear to 
me ; and my life is of the utmost importance to them, in 
various views. 

" Thirdly. I feel a sense of obligation towards my cred- 
itors, who, in case of accident to me, by the forced sale of 
my property, may be in some degree sufferers. I did not 
think myself at liberty, as a man of probity, lightly to expose 
them to hazard. 

" Fourthly. I am conscious of no ill will to Colonel Bun- 
distinct from political opposition, which, as 1 trust, has pro- 
ceeded from pure and upright motives. 

" Lastly. I shall hazard much, and can possibly gain 
nothing, by the issue of the interview." 

The parties met, and Colonel Burr's shot took fatal effect. 
General Hamilton had determined not to return the fire ; but. 
on receiving the shock of a mortal wound, his pistol went 
off involuntarily in an opposite direction. Few individuals 
died more lamented than General Hamilton, whose funeral 
at New-York was observed at that place with unusual re- 
spect and ceremony. All the public functionaries attended ; 
the bells (muffled) tolled during the day ; all business was 
suspended; and the principal inhabitants wore mourning for 



MORAL. 159 

six weeks. No death since that of Washington filled the 
republic with such deep and universal regret. 

American Congress fifty years ago. — The American 
Congress, soon after the Declaration of Independence, pass- 
ed the following resolution : 

" Whereas true religion and good morals are the only solid 
foundation of public liberty and happiness, 

" Resolved, That it be, and hereby is, earnestly recom- 
mended to the several states to take the most effectual 
measures for the encouragement thereof, and for the sup- 
pression of theatrical entertainments, horse-racing, gaming, 
and such other diversions as are productive of idleness, dis- 
sipation, and a general depravity of principles and manners." 

True Courage. — " Coward ! coward !" said James Law- 
ton to Edward Wilkins, as he pointed his finger at him. 
Edward's face turned very red, and the tears started in his 
eyes as he said, " James Lawton, don't call me a coward." 
" Why don't you fight John Taylor, then, when he dares you ? 
I would not be dared by any boy." " He is afraid," said 
Charles Jones, as he put his finger in his eye and pretended 
to cry. " I am not afraid," said Edward ; and he looked al- 
most ready to give up ; for John Taylor came forward and 
said, " Come on, then, and show that you are not afraid." 
A gentleman passing by said, "Why do you not fight the 
boy ? Tell me the reason." The boys all stood still, while 
Edward said, " I will not do a wicked thing, sir, if they do 
call me a coward." " That is right, my noble boy," said the 
gentleman. " If you fight with that boy, you really disgrace 
yourself, and will show that you are more afraid of the laugh 
and ridicule of your companions than of breaking the com- 
mandments of God. It is more honourable to bear an insult 
with meekness than to fight about it. Beasts and brutes, 
which have no reason, know of no other way to avenge 
themselves ; but God has given you understanding, and 
though it be hard to be called a coward, and to submit to in- 
dignity and insult, yet remember the saying of the wise man, 
' He that ruleth his spirit is greater than he that taketh a city.* 
Suppose you fight with this boy, and your companions all 
call you a brave fellow, what will this be when you are called 
to stand before God ? Many a poor, deluded man has been 
drawn in to accept a challenge and fight a duel to show his 
bravery, and thus displayed to all that he was a miserable 
coward, who was afraid of the sneer and laugh of his com- 



160 ANECDOTES. 

pan ions. Rather follow the example of that brave soldier, 
who, when he was challenged to fight, said, ' I do not fear 
the cannon's mouth, but I fear God.'" 



The Indian's Reply to a Challenge. — The Indian has 
more sober sense than the white man. When the white man 
is challenged by a reckless and desperate enemy, he thinks 
it is more honourable to shoot his enemy through the heart 
than decline the combat ; and so fearful is he of the charge 
of cowardice, that he will take the field, risk his own life, 
stain his honour with the blood of a once-loved friend, when 
a candid expression of his feelings would have healed the 
breach, and restored him in the confidence of his friend. 
The duellist may possess some physical bravery, but he lacks 
the moral courage of the Indian, who, when he was chal- 
lenged, replied : " I have two objections to this duel affair ; 
the one is lest I should hurt you, and the other is lest you 
should hurt me. I do not. see any good that it would do me 
to put a bullet through your body ; I could not make any use 
of you when dead ; but I could of a rabbit or turkey. As 
to myself, I think it more sensible to avoid than to put myself 
in the way of harm ; I am under great apprehension that you 
might hit me. That being the case, I think it more advisa- 
ble to stay at a distance. If you want to try your pistols, 
take some object, a tree, or anything about my size, and if 
you hit that, send me word, and I shall acknowledge that if T 
had been there you might have hit me." 



CuRrosiTY. — A little travelling Frenchman chanced to 
breakfast at a tavern with a tall, bony Jonathan, who ate 
voraciously. The Frenchman was astonished, and asked, 
with a flourishing bow, " Sare, vil you be so polite as to tell 
me, is dat your breakfass or your dinnair vat you make ?" 
The Yankee at first made no reply ; but monsieur, not satis- 
fied, repeated the question. " Go to the d — 1," says Jona- 
than, feeling himself insulted. A challenge ensued, and the 
Kentucky rifle proved too much for the little Frenchman's 
vitality. While he was writhing in his last agonies, Jona- 
than's compassion was awakened, and he entreated the little 
Frenchman, if there was anything he could do for him, 
though it should cost him years to perform it, to let him 
know, and it should be done. " Oh, monsieur," replied the 
dying man, "tell me, vas dat your dinnair or your break- 
fass you did make, and I vill die happy." 

First Duel in America. — The first duel fought in New- 






MORAL. 161 

England, North America, was in the year 1630, upon a chal- 
lenge at single combat, with sword and dagger, between Ed- 
ward Doty and Edward Leister, servants of a Mr. Hopkins 
Both were wounded, one in the hand and the other in the 
thigh. As it was deemed necessary to repress as much as 
possible such affairs of honour, the two men were sentenced to 
have their head and feet tied together, and to lie in that con- 
dition for twenty-four hours, without either meat or drink. 
This punishment was begun to be inflicted ; but in an hour, 
on account of the pain they felt, and at their own and their 
master's request, and promise of good behaviour, they were 
released by Governor Bradford, who relates this anecdote. 

An Ordinance of Cromwell against Duelling. — " It 
is enacted, That if any person should challenge or cause to 
be challenged, or accept, or knowingly carry a challenge, to 
fight a duel, he shall be committed to prison without bail for 
six months, and find security for his good behaviour for one 
whole year after. Persons challenged, not discovering it in 
twenty-four hours afterward, to be deemed acceptors. Fight- 
ing a duel, if death shall ensue, to be adjudged murder. The 
seconds, in the last case, to be deemed principals, and in 
every other to be banished from the Commonwealth for life, 
and to suffer death in case of return. Cromwell. 

" Whitehall, 1654, A. S." 



WAR. 



A Warrior's Opinion of War. — The following is sin- 
gular language to be used by a brother of Napoleon. It is 
from an answer of Louis Bonaparte to Sir Walter Scott : 

" I have been enthusiastic and joyful as any one after a 
battle ; but I also confess that the sight of a battle-field has 
not only struck me with horror, but turned me sick ; and now 
that I am advanced in life, I cannot understand any more 
than I could at fifteen years of age, how beings, who call 
themselves reasonable and have so much foresight, can em- 
ploy this short existence, not in loving and aiding, but in 
putting an end to each other's existence, as if Time did not 
himself do this with sufficient rapidity. What I thought at 
fifteen years of age I still think ; ' wars, with the pain of 
death, which society draws upon itself, are but organized 
barbarisms, an inheritance of the savage state,' disguised and 
ornamented by an ingenious institution and false eloquence." 

X 



162 ANECDOTES. 

Cause of the American Revolution. — When the late 
President Adams was minister at the court of St James, he 
often saw his countryman, Benjamin West, the late Presi- 
dent of the Royal Academy. One day Mr. West asked his 
friend if he should like to take a walk with him and see the 
cause of the American revolution. The minister smiled at 
the proposal, and said he should like to accompany his friend 
West anywhere. The following day he called, according to 
agreement, and took Mr. Adams into Hyde Park, to a spot 
near the Serpentine River, where he gave him the following 
narrative : The king came to the throne a young man, sur- 
rounded by flattering courtiers ; one of whose frequent topics 
it was to declaim against the meanness of his palace, which 
was wholly unworthy a monarch of such a country as Eng- 
land. They said there was not a sovereign in Europe lodged 
so poorly ; that his sorry, dingy old brick palace of St. 
James looked like a stable ; and that he ought to build a 
palace suited to his kingdom. The king was fond of archi- 
tecture, and would, therefore, more readily listen to sugges- 
tions which were, in fact, all true. The spot that you see 
here was selected for the site, between this and this point, 
which was marked out. The king applied to his ministers 
on the subject. They inquired what sum would be wanted 
by his majesty, who said that he would begin with a million. 
They stated the expenses of the war and the poverty of the 
treasury, but that his majesty's wishes should be taken into 
full consideration. Some time afterward the king was in- 
formed that the wants of the treasury were too urgent to ad- 
mit of a supply from their present means, but that a revenue 
might be raised in America to supply all the king's wishes. 
This suggestion was followed up ; and the king was in this 
way first led to consider, and then to consent to, the scheme 
of taxing the colonies. 

Profit of War. — Two boys going home one day, found 
a box in the road, and disputed who was the finder. They 
fought a whole afternoon without coming to a decision. At 
last they agreed to divide the contents equally ; but, on open- 
ing the box, lo and behold ! it was empty. Few wars have 
been more profitable than this to the parties concerned. 

The Reward of War. — The Duke of Marlborough ob 
serving a soldier leaning pensively on the butt-end of his 
musket, just after victory had declared itself in favour of the 
British arms at the battle of Blenheim, accosted him thus : 
"Why so pensive, my friend, after so glorious a victory ?" 



MORA L.. 163 

"It may be glorious," replied the brave fellow, "but I am 
thinking that all the human blood I have spilled this day 
has only earned mefourpence." 

" Immense and dreadful Profanation." — Oliver Crom- 
well, the very "pink of purity" in his day, with pious sanc- 
tity inscribed upon the mouths of his cannon, " Lord, open 
thou our lips, and our mouth shall show forth thy praise." 
Did he live in our day, the " moral discernment" of the age 
would thunder in his ears louder than his artillery. 



Stratagem of Colonel Washington. — Being on a fora 
ging excursion, this active officer had penetrated within thir- 
teen miles of Camden, to Clermont, the seat of Colonel Ruge- 
ly, of the British militia. This was fortified by a blockhouse, 
encompassed by an abatis, and defended by one hundred in- 
habitants, who had submitted to the royal government. Col- 
onel Washington advanced before it, mounted the trunk of a 
pine-tree on wagon-wheels, so as to resemble a field-piece, 
and peremptorily demanded a surrender. The stratagem had 
the desired effect. Dreading a cannonade, the garrison in- 
stantly obeyed the summons, without a shot having been 
fired on either side. 



Bonaparte. — Kleber designated him as a chief who 
had two faults ; that of advancing without considering how 
he should retreat, and of seizing without considering how 
he should retain. He had said, Let loar feed war. It did 
so, and Russia spread her tablecloth of snow to receive the 
fragments of the feast. But all this energy and all this tal- 
ent were clouded by a perfect want of principle ; he knew 
he had none himself, and here he was right ; but he thence 
concluded that all others had none, and here he was often 
wrong. 



Pirate's Defence. — Alexander the Great was about to 
pass sentence of death on a noted pirate, but previously 
asked him, " Why dost thou trouble the seas ?" " Why," 
rejoined the rover, boldly, "dost thou trouble the whole 
world ? I with one ship go in quest of solitary adventures, 
and am therefore called pirate ; thou with a great army 
•warrest against nations, and therefore art called emperor. 
Sir, there is no difference between us but in the name and 
means of doing mischief." Alexander, so far from being 
displeased with the freedom of the culprit, was so impressed 
with the force of his appeal that he dismissed him unpunished. 



164 AN.ECDOTES. 

Veteran Corps. — During the American war, eighty old 
German soldiers, who, after having long served under differ- 
ent monarchs in Europe, had retired to America, and con- 
verted their swords into ploughshares, voluntarily formed 
themselves into a company, and distinguished themselves in 
various actions in the cause of independence. The captain 
was nearly one hundred years old, had been in the army 
forty years, and present in seventeen battles. The drummer 
was ninety-four, and the youngest man in the corps on the 
verge of seventy. Instead of a cockade, each man wore a 
piece of black crape, as a mark of sorrow for being obliged, 
at so advanced a period of life, to bear arms. " But," said 
the veterans, " we should be deficient in gratitude if we did 
not act in defence of a country which has afforded us a gen- 
erous asylum, and protected us from tyranny and oppres- 
sion." Such a band of soldiers never before, perhaps, ap- 
peared in a field of battle. 



HORRORS OF WAR. 

Conflagration of Moscow, September 14, 1812. — 
The French entered Moscow on the 14th of September, but 
they possessed only a heap of smoking ruins. A degree of 
mystery hangs over the conflagration of this ancient city ; 
whether it was occasioned by the inhabitants, or in conse- 
quence of the defence made by them and the bombardment 
of the French, is yet doubtful. The fact, however, is cer- 
tain, and the grand effects of this destruction are of the most 
consoling nature. It is impossible, however, to contemplate 
without horror an event which deprived two hundred thou- 
sand persons of their homes and possessions, and consigned 
to the agonizing tortures of the flames many thousands of 
persons, including a large number of sick and wounded sol- 
diers who had bled in the defence of their country. 

The retreat of the French from Moscow exhibits a picture 
of disaster and human misery dreadful and horrific almost be- 
yond example. It is stated that the cold from the 6th of No- 
vember was so intense, that in a few days more than 30,000 
horses perished ; the cavalry was dismounted, and the bag- 
gage without the means of conveyance. From the 9th to 
the 18th of November, Bonaparte lost, without counting the 
killed and wounded, 11 generals, 243 officers, 34,000 rank 
and file in prisoners, 250 pieces of cannon, and four stand- 



M O R A L. 165 

ards, besides baggage, &c. The total loss to France and 
her allies in this campaign has been estimated at 400,000 
men killed, disabled, and prisoners, and 5,900,000/. of prop- 
erty in equipments, &c, &c. 

The loss of the Russians in soldiers (killed, wounded, 
and prisoners), may be stated at 130,000, to which must be 
added 70,000 persons burned and destroyed in various ways 
at Moscow ; the loss of Russian property cannot be less than 
108,100,000/. Severe as these sacrifices appear to be, the 
safety and independence of Russia have been established ; 
and we cannot sufficiently admire the patriotism and the 
courage of all ranks, from the prince to the peasant, in their 
united determination not only to resist, but to vanquish the 
common enemy. 

In a German publication, the loss of men during the late 
war, from 1802 to 1813, in St. Domingo, Calabria, Russia, 
Poland, France, Spain, Portugal, Germany, &c., including 
the maritime war, contagious diseases, famine, &c, is stated 
to amount to the dreadful sum of Jive millions eight hundred 
thousand ! ! ! 

Tn the battle of Moskwa, September 7, 1812, the French 
lost above 30,000 men, the Russians nearly 50,000. 



An account of the wars between England and France, 
with the terms of their duration, since the one which com- 
menced in 1110, and which continued two years ; 1141, one 
year; 1161, twenty-five years; 1211, fifteen years; 1224, 
nineteen years ; 1294, five years; 1332, twenty-one years ; 
1368, fifty-two years ; 1422, forty-nine years; 1492, one 
month; 1512, two years ; 1521, six years ; 1549, one year ; 
1557, two years ; 1562, two years ; 1627, two years ; 1665, 
one year; 1689, ten years; 1702, eleven years; 1744, four 
years; 1756, seven years; 1776, seven years; 1793, nine 
years ; and lastly, in 1803, near eleven years ; making with- 
in a period of 704 years, 270 years of war, of which 27 
fell within the reign of George III. 



The Battle of Marathon. — While the Persians, after 
the reign of Cyrus, became enervated by luxury and servitude, 
the Athenians were nobly animated by the freedom they had 
so recently recovered. It was this that enabled Miltiades in 
the plains of Marathon, with only ten thousand Athenians, 
to overcome the Persian army of a hundred thousand foot 
and ten thousand cavalry. This memorable battle, which 
was fought in the year 490 before Christ, reflected the high- 



166 ANECDOTES. 

est glory on Miltiades. To prevent his little army from 
being surrounded by the enemy, he drew it up in front of a 
mountain, extended his line as much as possible, placed his 
chief strength in his wings, and caused a great number of 
trees to be cut down, to prevent the enemy's cavalry from 
charging them in the flank. 

The Athenians rushed forward on the Persians like so 
many furious lions. This is remarked to have been the first 
time that they advanced to the attack running ; but by their 
impetuosity they opened a lane through the enemy, and sup- 
ported with the greatest firmness the attacks of the Persians. 
The battle was at first fought by both parties with great 
valour and obstinacy ; but the wings of the Athenian army 
attacking the main body of the enemy in flank, threw them 
into irretrievable confusion. Six thousand Persians perished 
on the spot, and among the rest the traitor Hippias, the 
principal cause of the war. The rest of the Persian army 
fled quickly, and abandoned to the victors their camp full of 
riches. 

Animated by their success, they pursued the Persians to 
their very ships, of which they took seven, and set fire to 
several more. On this occasion one Cynegirus, an Athe- 
nian, after performing prodigies of valour in the field, en- 
deavoured to prevent a particular galley from putting to sea, 
and for that purpose held it fast with his right hand ; when 
his right hand was cut off, he then seized the galley with 
his left, which being also cut off, he took hold of it with his 
teeth, and kept it so until he died. Another soldier, all cov- 
ered with the blood of the enemy, ran to announce the vic- 
tory at Athens ; and after crying out, "Rejoice, we are con- 
querors !" fell dead in the presence of his fellow-citizens. 
The Greeks in this engagement lost only two hundred men. 

Indian Chief. — " Father," said the Indian chief, Captain 
Pipe, to the British commanding officer at Detroit in 1801, 
" here is what has been done with the hatchet you gave me" 
(handing a stick with a scalp on it). " I have done with the 
hatchet what you ordered me to do, and found it sharp. 
Nevertheless, I did not do all that I might have done. No, 
I did not. My heart failed within me. I felt compassion 
for your enemy. Innocence (women and children) had no 
part in your quarrels, therefore I distinguished, I spared. 
I took some live-flesh (prisoners), which, while I was bring- 
ing to you, I spied one of your large canoes, in which I put 
it for you. In a few days you will receive this flesh, and 



MORAL. 167 

find that the skin is of the same colour with your own. 
Father, I hope you will not destroy what I have saved. 
You, father, have the means of preserving that which with 
me would perish for want. The warrior is poor, and his 
cabin is always empty ; but your house, father, is always 
full." 



Massacre at Wyoming. — The following account of the 
devastation of the flourishing settlement of Wyoming, in 
July, 1778, and the massacre of its inhabitants by a party 
of tories and Indians, under the command of the infamous 
Colonel Butler and Brandt, a half-blooded Indian, is thus 
related by Mrs. Willard in her History of the United States. 

" The devastation of the flourishing settlement of Wy- 
oming by a band of Indians and tories was marked by the 
most demoniac cruelties. This settlement consisted of eight 
towns on the banks of the Susquehanna, and was one of 
the most flourishing as well as delightful places in America. 
But even in this peaceful spot the inhabitants were not ex- 
empt from the baneful influence of party spirit. Although 
the majority were devoted to the cause of their country, yet 
the loyalists were numerous. Several persons had been ar- 
rested as tories, and sent to the proper authorities for trial 
This excited the indignation of their party, and they deter- 
mined upon revenge. They united with the Indians, and 
resorting to artifice, pretended to desire to cultivate peace 
with the inhabitants of Wyoming, while they were making 
every preparation for their meditated vengeance. The youth 
at Wyoming were at this time with the army, and but five hun- 
dred men capable of defending the settlement remained. The 
inhabitants had constructed four forts for their security, into 
which these men were distributed. In the month of July, 
1600 Indians and tories, under the command of Butler and 
Brandt, appeared on the banks of the Susquehanna. Two 
of the forts nearest the frontier immediately surrendered to 
them. The savages spared the women and children, but 
butchered the rest of their prisoners without exception. 
They then surrounded Kingston, the principal fort, and to 
dismay the garrison, hurled into the place two hundred scalps 
still reeking with blood. Colonel Denison, knowing it to be 
impossible to defend the fort, demanded of Butler what terms 
would be allowed the garrison if they surrendered ; he an- 
swered, " the hatchet. They attempted further resistance, 
but were soon compelled to surrender. Enclosing the men, 
women, and children in houses and barracks, they set fire 
to these, and the miserable wretches were all consumed. 



103 anecdotes. 

" The fort of Wilkesbarre still remained in the power of 
the republicans ; but the garrison, learning the fate of the 
others, surrendered without resistance, hoping in this way 
to obtain mercy. But submission could not soften the hearts 
of these unfeeling monsters, and their atrocities were re- 
newed. They then devastated the country, burned their 
dwellings, and consigned their crops to the flames. The 
tories appeared to surpass even the savages in barbarity. 
The nearest ties of consanguinity were disregarded ; and 
it is asserted that a mother was murdered by the hand of 
her own son. None escaped but a few women and children ; 
and these, dispersed and wandering in the forests, without 
food and without clothes, were not the least worthy of com- 
miseration." 



Colours Saved. — In a Scottish regiment at the battle of 
Waterloo, the standard-bearer was killed, and clasped the 
colours so fast in death, that a sergeant, in trying to no pur- 
pose to rescue them, on the near approach of the enemy 
made a violent effort ; and throwing the dead corpse, colours 
and all, over his shoulders, carried them off together. The 
French, seeing this, were charmed with the heroism of the 
action, and hailed it with clapping and repeated shouts of 
applause. 

What an evidence of human weakness and depravity ' 
" Colours Saved," but how many souls lost ! ! 



JUSTICE. 

The Conscientious Judge. — Sir Matthew Hale, when 
chief baron of the exchequer, was very exact and impartial 
in his administration of justice. He would never receive 
any private addresses or recommendations from the greatest 
persons in any matter in which justice was concerned. One 
of the first peers of England went once to his chamber, and 
told him " that, having a suit in law to be tried before him, 
he was then to acquaint him with it, that he might the bet- 
ter understand it when it should come to be heard in court." 
Upon which Sir Matthew interrupted him, and said "he 
did not deal fairly to come to his chamber about such affairs, 
for he never received any information of causes but in open 
court, where both parties were to be heard alike," so he 
would not suffer him to go on. Whereupon his grace (for 



MORAL. 169 

he was a duke) went away not a little dissatisfied, and com- 
plained of it to the king as a rudeness that was not to be 
endured. But his majesty bade him content himself that he 
was no worse used, and said " he verily believed he would 
have used himself no better if he had gone to solicit him 
in any of his own causes." 

Another passage fell out in one of his circuits, which was 
somewhat censured as an afTectation of unreasonable strict- 
ness ; but it flowed from the exactness to the rules he had sci 
himself. A gentleman had sent him a buck for his table that 
had a trial at the assizes ; so, when he heard his name, he 
asked " if he was not the same person that had sent him 
venison." And finding that he was the same, he told him 
" he could not suffer the trial to go on till he had paid him 
for his buck." To which the gentleman answered " that he 
never sold his venison, and that he had done nothing to him 
which he did not do to every judge that had gone that cir- 
cuit," which was confirmed by several gentlemen then pres- 
ent ; but all would not do, for the lord chief baron had learned 
from Solomon that " a gift perverteth the ways of judgment ;" 
and therefore he would not suffer the trial to go on till he 
had paid for the present; upon which the gentleman with- 
drew the record. And at Salisbury, the dean and chapter 
having, according to custom, presented him with six sugar 
loaves in his circuit, he made his servants pay for the sugar 
before he would try their cause. 



The Inflexible Juryman. — In the trial of the famous 
William Penn and William Mead, at the Old Bailey, for an 
unlawful assembly in the open street, in contempt of the 
king's laws, &c, we find a striking instance of the inflexible 
justice of the jury. After the jury had withdrawn an hour 
and a half, the prisoners were brought to the bar to hear their 
verdict ; eight of them came down agreed, but four remained 
above, to whom they used many unworthy threats, and par- 
ticularly to Mr. Bushel, whom they charged with being the 
cause of the disagreement. At length, after withdrawing a 
second time, they agreed to bring them in guilty of speaking 
in Grace-church-street, which the court would not accept for 
a verdict, but, after many menaces, told them they should be 
locked up, without meat, drink, fire, or tobacco ; nay, they 
should starve unless they brought in a proper verdict. Wil- 
liam Penn, being at the bar, said, " My jury ought not to be 
thus threatened. We were by force of arms kept out of our 
meeting-house, and met as near it as the soldiers would give 

Y 8 



170 ANECDOTES, 

us leave. We are a peaceable people, and cannot offer vi- 
olence to any man." And looking upon the jury, he said, 
" You are Englishmen ; mind your privilege ; give not away 
your right." To which some of them answered, " Nor will 
we ever do it." Upon this they were shut up all night, with- 
out victuals or fire, nor so much as a chamber utensil, though 
desired. Next morning they brought in the same verdict; 
upon which they were threatened with the utmost resent- 
ments. The mayor said he would cut Bushel's throat as 
soon as he could. The recorder said "he never knew the 
benefit of an inquisition till now ; and that the next sessions 
of parliament a law would be made, wherein those who would 
not conform should not have the benefit of the law. The 
court having obliged the jury to withdraw again, they were 
kept without meat and drink till next morning, when they 
brought in the prisoners not guilty ; for which they were 
fined forty marks a man, and to be imprisoned till paid. The 
prisoners were also remanded to Newgate, for their fines in 
not pulling off their hats. The jury, after some time, were 
discharged by habeas corpus, returnable in the Common 
Pleas, where their commitment was judged illegal. This 
was a noble stand for the liberty of the subject in very dan- 
gerous times, when neither law nor equity availed anything. 

The Divine Law Magnified. — The story of Zeleucus, 
prince of the Locrians, is well known. To show his abhor- 
rence of adultery, and his determination to execute the law 
he had enacted, condemning the adulterer to the loss of both 
his eyes ; and, at the same time, to evince his love to his 
son, who had committed that crime, he willingly submitted 
to lose one of his own eyes, and ordered, at the same time, 
one of his son's to be put out. Now what adulterer could 
hope to escape, when power was vested in a man whom 
neither self-love, nor natural affection in all its force, could 
induce to dispense with the law, or relax the rigour of its 
sentence ? 80 in God's way of saving sinners, the language 
both of the Father and the Son is manifestly and most em- 
phatically, " Let the law be magnified and be made honour 
able in the sight of the whole universe." 

The Irritated Magistrate. — Magistrates are in the 
Scriptures designated gods ; and if such be their title, what 
ought to be their conduct? God hath set them in the chair 
of justice and lent them his name. When the rude soldiers 
saw the senators at Rome sitting gravely in their robes, they 









MORAL. 171 

looked upon them as gods ; but as soon as one of them be- 
came irritated, and showed his temper, they took them for 
men. Thus it will be with all magistrates : as long as they 
act with dignity, justice, gravity, and equity, they will be 
honoured as gods ; but if once they discover the fears, pre- 
judices, and partialities of men, they will grow into contempt 
even with their friends. Claudius was at first a just judge, 
but his wife and servants ruined his principles. 

Responsibility of Judges in Holland. — A servant-girl 
was erroneously convicted at Middleburg of robbing her mas- 
ter ; the property was found locked up in her box : her mis- 
tress had placed it there. She was flogged, brand-marked, 
and confined to hard labour in the rasp-house. While she 
was suffering her sentence, the guilt of her mistress was dis- 
covered. The mistress was prosecuted, condemned to the 
severest scourging, a double brand, and hard labour for life. 
The sentence was reversed, and a heavy fine inflicted on the 
tribunal, and given to the innocent sufferer as an indemnifi- 
cation. 



Madame de Maintenon. — Madame de Maintenon one 
day asked Louis XIV. for some money to distribute in alms. 
" Alas ! madame," said the king, " what I give in alms are 
merely fresh burdens upon my people. The more money I 
give away, the more I take from them." " This, sire," re- 
plied Madame de Maintenon, " is true ; but it is right to ease 
the wants of those whom your former taxes to supply the 
expenses of your wars have reduced to misery. It is truly 
just that those who have been ruined by you should be sup- 
ported by you." 



Petition of the Horse. — In the days of John, king of 
Atri (an ancient city of Abruzzo), there was a bell put up, 
which any one that had received any injury we-nt and rang, 
and the king assembled the wise men chosen for the pur- 
pose, that justice might be done. It happened that, after the 
bell had been up a long time, the rope was worn oui, and a 
piece of wild vine was made use of to lengthen it. Now 
there was a knight of Atri who had a noble charger, which 
had become unserviceable through age, so that, to avoid the 
expense of feeding him, he turned him loose upon the com- 
mon. The horse, driven by hunger, raised his mouth to the 
vine to munch it, and, pulling it, the bell rang. The judges 
assembled to consider the petition of the horse, which ap- 



172 ANECDOTES. 

peared to demand justice. They decreed that the knight 
whom he had served in his youth should feed him in his old 
age ; a sentence which the king confirmed under a heavy 
penalty. 

Solon. — Anacharsis was wont to deride the endeavours 
of Solon, whose code of laws superseded the bloody one of 
Draco, to repress the evil passions of his fellow-citizens with 
a few words, which, said he, " are no better than spider's 
webs, which the strong will break through at pleasure." 

"So like a fly the poor offender dies, 
But like the wasp, the rich escapes and flies." 

Denham. 

The reply of Solon was worthy of the lawgiver of a refined 
people. " Men," said he, " will be sure to stand to those 
covenants which will bring evident disadvantages to the in- 
fringers of them. I have so framed and tempered the laws 
of Athens, that it shall manifestly appear to all that it is 
more for their interest strictly to observe, than in anything 
to violate and infringe them." 



Socrates. — While Athens was governed by the thirty 
tyrants, Socrates the philosopher was summoned to the 
senate-house, and ordered to go with some other persons 
whom they named to seize one Leon, a man of rank and for- 
tune, whom they determined to put out of the way, that they 
might enjoy his estate. This commission Socrates positively 
refused. " I will not willingly," said he, " assist in an unjust 
act." Chericles sharply replied, " Dost thou think, Socra- 
tes, to talk in this high tone, and not to suffer ?" " Far from 
it," replied he ; "I expect to suffer a thousand ills, but none 
so great as to do unjustly." 

Aristides. — A tragedy by iEschylus was once represent- 
ed before the Athenians, in which it was said of one of the 
characters, " that he cared not more to be just than to appear 
so." At these words all eyes were instantly, turned upon 
Aristides as the man who, of all the Greeks, most merited 
that distinguished character. Ever after he received, by 
universal consent, the surname of the Just ; a title, says Plu- 
tarch, truly royal, or, rather, truly divine. This remarkable 
distinction roused envy, and envy prevailed so far as to pro- 
cure his banishment for ten years upon the unjust suspicion 
that his influence with the people was dangerous to their 
freedom. When the sentence was passed by his country- 






MORAL. 173 

men, Arislides himself was present in the midst of them, and 
a stranger who stood near, and could not write, applied to 
him to write for him in his shell. " What name ?" asked the 
philosopher. " Aristides," replied the stranger. " Do you 
know him, then," said Aristides, " or has he in any way in- 
jured you ?" " Neither," said the other ; " but it is for this 
very thing I would he were condemned. I can go nowhere 
but I hear of Aristides the Just." Aristides inquired no fur- 
ther, but took the shell and wrote his name in it as desired. 

The absence of Aristides soon dissipated the apprehen- 
sions which his countrymen had so idly imbibed. He was 
in a short time recalled, and for many years after took a lead- 
ing part in the affairs of the republic, without showing the 
least resentment against his enemies, or seeking any other 
gratification than that of serving his country with fidelity and 
honour. His disregard for money was strikingly manifested 
at his death ; for though he was frequently treasurer as well 
as genera], he scarcely left sufficient to defray the expense 
of his burial. 

The virtues of Aristides did not pass without reward. He 
had two daughters, who were educated at the expense of 
the state, and to whom portions were allotted from the pub- 
lic treasury. 



Aristides being judge between two private persons, one ot 
them declared that his adversary had greatly injured Aristi- 
des. " Relate rather, good friend," said he, interrupting him, 
" what wrong he hath done thee, for it is thy cause, not mine, 
that I now sit judge of." 

Being desired by Simonides, the poet, who had a cause 
to try before him, to stretch a point in his favour, he replied, 
" As you would not be a good poet if your lines ran contrary 
to the just measures and rules of your art, so neither should 
I be a good judge or an honest man if I decided aught in 
opposition to law and justice." 



A judge suspected of bribery checked his clerk for hav- 
ing a dirty face. " I plead guilty, my lord," said the clerk ; 
11 but my hands are clean." 

Litigation. — Lord Erskine, when at the bar, and at the 
time when his professional talents were most eminent and 
popular, having been applied to by his friend Dr. Parr for 
his opinion upon a subject likely to be litigated by him, af- 
ter recommending the doctor " to accommodate the differ- 



174 ANECDOTES. 

ence amicably," concluded his letter by observing, " I can 
scarcely figure to myself a situation in which a lawsuit is 
not, if possible, to be avoided." 

Lawyer and Client. — It is said that in former days an 
eminent counsellor was called on for his professional advice 
by a countryman, who entered on the consultation thus : 

" Mr. A , my father died, and made his will" The 

lawyer professed himself utterly unable to understand him ; 
the countryman in vain endeavoured to make himself under- 
stood, and took his departure, surprised at the dulness of 
one reputed to be singularly acute. Meeting with a friend, 
he expressed to him his disappointment; his friend, more 
knowing, at once inquired whether he had given a retaining 
fee to the lawyer. " No," was the reply; " I left that for 
another opportunity." His friend advised him to return, and 
by no means to postpone that preliminary step. He did so ; 
placed a shining guinea in the learned man's hand, and be- 
gan once more : " My father died, and made his will." The 
lawyer stopped him, saying, " Oh ! I understand you now ; 
you mean, your father made his will, and then died." From 
that time forward the client found no cause to complain that 
his counsel was either dull of apprehension or negligent of 
his interests. Hints should not be thrown away. 

Acquittal Extraordinary. — Mrs. Minty Graham was 
lately tried on an indictment as a common scold. After a 
tedious examination of numerous witnesses, and a zealous 
prosecution and elaborate defence by able counsel, the jury 
retired, and soon returned with a verdict of Not Guilty. It 
satisfactorily appeared in evidence that she was an uncom- 
mon scold. 



Humane Juryman. — " Look at the juryman in the blue 
coat," said one of the Old Bailey judges to Justice Nares ; 
"do you see him?" "Yes." "Well, we shall not have a 
single conviction to-day for any capital offence." The ob- 
servation was verified. This fact was related by Mr. Justice 
Nares himself to a magistrate of London. 



Long Suit. — The longest suit on record in England is 
one which existed between the heirs of Sir Thomas Talbot, 
Viscount Lisle, and the heirs of a Lord Berkeley, respecting 
some property in the county of Gloucester, not far from 
Wotton-under-edge. It began at the end of the reign of Ed- 



MORAL. 175 

ward the Fourth, and was depending until the beginning of 
that of James the First, when it was finally compounded, be- 
ing a period of not less than one hundred and twenty years ! ! ! 

Exaggeration. — A man was brought before Lord Mans 
field, when on the home circuit, charged with stealing a sil- 
ver ladle ; and, in the course of the evidence, the counsel 
for the crown was rather severe upon the prisoner for being 
an attorney. " Come, come," said his lordship, in a whisper 
to the counsel, " don't exaggerate matters ; if the fellow had 
been an attorney, you may depend on it he would have stolen 
the bowl as well as the ladle." 



Accusation and Acquittal. — A person looking over the 
catalogue of professional gentlemen of our bar, with his pen- 
cil wrote against the name of one who is of the bustling or- 
der, " Has been accused of possessing talents ;" another, see- 
ing the accusation, immediately wrote under the charge, 
" Has been tried and acquitted" 

Deny Everything, and Insist upon Proof. — Lawyer 
Acmoody figured at the bar in Essex county, Massachusetts, 
something like half a century ago. He had a student named 
Varnum, who, having just completed his studies, was jour- 
neying to a distant town in company with his master. Ac- 
moody, on his way, observed to his student, " Varnum, you 
have now been with me three years, and finished your stu- 
dies ; but there is one important part of a lawyer's practice 
of great consequence that I have never mentioned." " What 
is that ?" inquired the student. " I will tell it," replied A., 
" provided you will pay expenses at the next tavern." The 
student agreed, and Acmoody imparted the maxim at the 
head of this article. The supper, &c, were procured ; and, 
on preparing to set off from the tavern, Acmoody reminded 
Varnum that he had engaged to pay the bill. " I deny every- 
thing, and insist upon proof" retorted Varnum. The joke 
was so good that Acmoody concluded it best to pay the bill 
himself. 

Bon Mot. — Mr. Bethel, an Irish counsellor, as celebrated 
for his wit as his practice, was once robbed of a suit of 
clothes in rather an extraordinary manner. Meeting, on the 
next day after, a brother barrister in the Hall of the Four 
Courts, the latter began to condole with him on his misfor- 
tune, mingling some expressions of surprise at the singu- 



176 ANECDOTES. 

larity of the thing. " It is extraordinary, indeed, my deai 
friend," replied Bethel, " for, without vanity, I may say it is 
the first suit I ever lost." 

Counsel and Witnesses. — A gentleman who was se- 
verely cross-examined by Mr. Dunning, was repeatedly asked 
if he did not lodge in the verge of the court; at length he 
answered that he did. " And pray, sir," said the counsel, 
" for what reason did you take up your residence in that 
place ?" " To avoid the rascally impertinence of dunning," 
answered the witness. 



Mistaking Sides. — A Scottish advocate (we believe the 

present Lord H d), who had drank rather freely, was 

called on unexpectedly to plead in a cause in which he had 
been retained. The lawyer mistook the party for whom he 
was engaged ; and, to the great amazement of the agent who 
had feed him, and the absolute horror of the poor client who 
was in court, he delivered a long and fervent speech, directly 
opposite to the interests he had been called upon to defend 
Such was his zeal, that no whispered remonstrance, no jost 
ling of the elbow could stop him, in medio gurgite dicendi. 
But, just as he was about to sit down, the trembling solicitor 
in a brief note informed him that he had been pleading for 
the wrong party. This intimation, which would have dis- 
concerted most men, had a very different effect on the advo- 
cate, who, with an air of infinite composure, resumed his ora- 
tion. " Such, my lords," said he, " is the statement which 
you will probably hear from my learned brother on the op- 
posite side in this cause. I shall now, therefore, beg leave, 
in a few words, to show your lordship how utterly untenable 
are the principles and how distorted are the facts upon 
which this very specious statement has proceeded." The 
learned gentleman then went over the whole ground, and 
did not take his seat until he had completely and energeti- 
cally refuted the whole of his former pleading. 

A similar circumstance happened in the Roll's Court, on 
the eleventh of July, 1788. 

Mr. A., an eminent counsel, received a brief in court a 
short time before the cause was called on, for the purpose 
of opposing the prayer of a petition. Mr. A., conceiving him- 
self to be the petitioner, spoke very ably in support of the 
petition, and was followed by a counsel on the same side. 
The Master of the Rolls then inquired who opposed the pe- 
tition. Mr. A., having by this lime discovered his mistake, 






MORAL. 177 

rose in much confusion, and said that he felt really much 
ashamed for a blunder into which he had fallen, but that, in- 
stead of supporting the petition, it was his business to have 
opposed it. The Master of the Rolls, with great good-hu- 
mour, desired him to proceed now on the other side, observ- 
ing that he knew no counsel who could answer his argu- 
ments so well as himself. 



Peter the Great. — Peter the Great being at Westmin- 
ster Hall in term time, and seeing multitudes of people 
swarming about the courts of law, is reported to have asked 
some about him "what all those busy people were, and what 
they were about." And being answered, "They are law- 
yers," " Lawyers !" returned he, with great vivacity, " why, 
I have but four in my whole kingdom, and I design to hang 
two of them as soon as I get home." 



FORBEARANCE AND KINDNESS. 

Anger and revenge are uneasy passions ; " hence," says 
Seed, " it appears that the command of loving our enemies, 
which has been thought a hard saying and impossible to be 
fulfilled, is really no more, when resolved into its first prin- 
ciples, than bidding us to be at peace with ourselves, which 
we cannot be so long as we continue at enmity with others." 

The heathens themselves saw the reasonableness of the 
spirit which we are now inculcating, and approved of it. It 
is said concerning Julius Cassar, that upon any provocation 
he would repeat the Roman alphabet before he would suffer 
himself to speak, that he might be more just and calm in 
his resentments, and also that he could forget nothing but 
wrongs, and remember nothing but benefits. 

" It becomes a man," says the Emperor Antoninus, " to 
love even those that offend him." "A man hurts himself," 
says Epictetus, "by injuring me ; and what then ? Shall I 
therefore hurt myself by injuring him ?" " In benefits," 
says Seneca, "it is a disgrace to be outdone; in injuries, to 
get the better." Another heathen, when he was angry with 
one by him, said, " I would beat thee, but I am angry." 

Philip. — Philip, king of Macedon, discovered great mod- 
eration, even when spoken to in shocking and injurious 
terms. At the close of an audience which he gave to some 

Z 



178 ANECDOTES. 

Athenian ambassadors who were come to complain of some 
act of hostility, he asked whether he could do them any ser- 
vice. " The greatest service thou couldst do us," said De- 
mochares, " will be to hang thyself." Philip, though he 
perceived all the persons present were highly offended at 
these words, made the following answer, with the utmost 
calmness of temper : " Go ; tell your superiors that those 
who dare make use of such insolent language are more 
haughty and less peaceably inclined than those who can for- 
give them." 



Mr. Burkitt. — Mr. Burkitt observes in his journal, that 
some persons would never have had a particular share in his 
prayers but for the injuries they had done him. This re- 
minds me of an exemplary passage concerning Mr. Law- 
rence's once going, with some of his sons, by the house of 
a gentleman that had been injurious to him. He gave a 
charge to his sons to this purpose : " That they should never 
think or speak amiss of that gentleman for the sake of any- 
thing he had done against him ; but, whenever they went by 
his house, should lift up their hearts in prayer to God for 
him and his family." This good man had learned to prac- 
tise that admirable precept of our Lord, " Pray for them 
which despitefully use you and persecute you." 



Mr. Henderson. — Of Mr. John Henderson it is ob- 
served, that the oldest of his friends never beheld him other- 
wise than calm and collected ; it was a state of mind he re- 
tained under all circumstances. During his residence at 
Oxford, a student of a neighbouring college, proud of his lo- 
gical acquirements, was solicitous of a private disputation 
with the renowned Henderson ; some mutual friends intro- 
duced him, and, having chosen his subject, they conversed 
for some time with equal candour and moderation ; but Hen- 
derson's antagonist, perceiving his confutation inevitable (for- 
getting the character of a gentleman, and with a resentment 
engendered by his former arrogance), threw a full glass of 
wine in his face. Henderson, without altering his features 
or changing his position, gently wiped his face, and then 
coolly replied, "This, sir, is a digression ; now for the ar- 



Sir Walter Raleigh. — When Sir Walter Raleigh was 
brought upon the scaffold to suffer death, he vindicated his 
conduct in a most eloquent and pathetic speech, and then 



MORA L. 179 

feeling the edge of the fatal instrument of death, observed, 
with a smile, " It is a sharp medicine, but a sure remedy for 
all my woes" Being asked which way he would lay him- 
self on the block, he replied, " So the heart be right, it is no 
matter which way the head lies." 

Mr. Clarke. — The late Rev. Mr. Clarke, of Frome, was 
a man of peace. He was one day asked by a friend " how 
he kept himself from being involved in quarrels." He an- 
swered, " By letting the angry person always have the quarrel 
to himself." This saying seems to have had some influence 
on some of the inhabitants of that town ; for, when a quar- 
rel has been likely to ensue, they have said, " Come, let us 
remember old Mr. Clarke, and leave the angry man to quar- 
rel by himself." If this maxim were followed, it would be 
a vast saving of expense, of comfort, and of honour, to thou- 
sands of the human race. 



Paesiello. — One day, during the stay of Paesiello, the 
celebrated composer, at Venice, I heard him relate an anec- 
dote illustrative of the kindness of the Empress Catharine 
of Russia towards him. She was his scholar; and while 
he was accompanying her one bitter cold morning, he shud- 
dered with the cold. Her majesty perceiving it, took off a 
beautiful cloak which she had on, ornamented with clasps 
of brilliants of great value, and threw it over his shoulders. 
Another mark of esteem for him she evinced by her reply 
to Marshal Beloselsky. The marshal, agitated, it is be- 
lieved, by the "green-eyed monster," forgot himself so far 
as to give Paesiello a blow. Paesiello, who was a powerful, 
athletic man, gave him a sound drubbing. In return, the 
marshal laid his complaint before the empress, and demand- 
ed from her majesty the immediate dismissal of Paesiello 
from the court for having had the audacity to return a blow 
upon a marshal of the Russian empire. Catharine's reply 
was, " I neither can nor will attend to your request ; you for- 
got your dignity when you gave an unoffending man and a 
great artist a blow ; are you surprised that he should have 
forgotten it too 1 and as to rank, it is in my power, sir, to 
make fifty marshals, but not one Paesiello." 



Pericles. — Pericles was of so patient a spirit, that he 
was hardly ever troubled with anything that crossed him. 
There was a man who did nothing all the day but rail at 
him in the market-place, before all the people, notwithstand- 



180 ANECDOTES. 

ing Pericles was a magistrate. Pericles, however, took no 
notice of it, but, despatching sundry cases of importance till 
night came, he went home with a sober pace. The man 
followed him all the way, defaming him as he went. Peri- 
cles, when he came home, it being dark, called his man, and 
desired him to get a torch and light the fellow home. 

Cowper. — Bishop Cowper's wife, it is said, was much 
afraid that the bishop would prejudice his health by over- 
much study. When he was compiling his famous dictionary, 
one day, in his absence, she got into his study, and took all 
the notes he had been for eight years gathering, and burned 
them ; whereof, when she had acquainted him, he only said, 
" Woman, thou hast put me to eight years study more." 

Duke of Marlborough. — The Duke of Marlborough 
possessed great command of temper, and never permitted it 
to be ruffled by little things, in which even the greatest men 
have been occasionally found unguarded. As he was one 
day riding with Commissary Marriot, it began to rain, and he 
called to his servant for his cloak. The servant not bringing 
it immediately, he called for it again. The servant, being 
embarrassed with the straps and buckles, did not come up 
to him. At last, it raining very hard, the duke called to him 
again, and asked him what he was about, that he did not 
bring his cloak. " You may stay, sir," grumbled the fel- 
low, " if it rains cats and dogs, till 1 can get at it." The duke 
turned round to Marriot, and said, very coolly, " Now I would 
not be of that fellow's temper for all the world." 



Son of All — A familiar story is related of the benevo- 
lence of one of the sons of Ali. In serving at table, a slave 
had inadvertently dropped a dish of scalding broth on his 
master. The heedless wretch fell prostrate to deprecate his 
punishment, and repeated a verse of the Koran : " Para- 
dise is for those who command their anger." " I am not an- 
gry." " And for those who pardon offences." " I pardon 
you." M And for those who return good for evil." " I give 
you your liberty and four hundred pieces of silver." 

Magnanimous. — A Chinese emperor being told that his 
enemies had raised an insurrection in one of the distant 
provinces, " Come, then, my friends," said he, " follow me, 
and I promise you that we will quickly destroy them." He 
marched forward, and the rebels submitted upon his ap- 



MORA L. 181 

proach. All now thought that he would take the most sig- 
nal revenge, but were surprised to see the captives treated 
with mildness and humanity. " How," cried the first min- 
ister, "is this the manner in which you fulfil your promise ? 
Your royal word was given that your enemies should be 
destroyed, and behold you have pardoned all, and even ca- 
ressed some !" " I promised," replied the emperor, with a 
generous air, " to destroy my enemies ; I have fulfilled my 
word ; for, see, they are enemies no longer ; I have made 
friends of them." Let every Christian imitate so noble an 
example, and learn "to overcome evil with good." 

The Patient Shopkeeper. — In days of yore there lived 
in Chester, in the State of Pennsylvania, an old gentleman 
who kept a dry-goods store, and was remarkable for his im- 
perturbable disposition, so much so that no one had ever seen 
him out of temper. This remarkable characteristic having 
become the subject of conversation, one of his neighbours, 
who was something of a wag, bet five dollarst that he could 
succeed in ruffling the habitual placidity of the stoic. He 
accordingly proceeded to his store, and asked to see some 
cloths suitable for a coat. One piece was shown to him, 
and then another; a third and a fourth were handed from the 
shelves : this was too coarse, the other was too fine ; one 
was of too dark a colour, another too light; still the old 
Diogenes continued placid as new milk ; and no sooner did 
his customer start an objection to any particular piece, than 
he was met by some other variety being laid before him, 
until the very last piece in the shop was unfolded to his 
view. The vender now lost all hope of pleasing his fasti- 
dious purchaser, when the latter, affecting to look at the up- 
permost piece with satisfaction, exclaimed, "Ah, my dear 
sir, you have hit it at last ; this is the very thing ; I will 
take a cent's worth of the pattern," at the same time laying 
the money plump upon the counter before him, to show that 
he was prompt pay. "You shall have it, my good friend," 
replied the merchant, with the utmost seriousness of speech 
and manners ; and then laying the cent upon the surface of 
the cloth, and applying his ample scissors, he cut it fairly 
round to the very size of the money, and wrapping it care- 
fully in paper, made a low bow, thanked him for his custom, 
and hoped that he would call at his store when he wanted 
anything in his line again. 



182 ANECDOTES. 



HUMANITY. 



George the First. — Mr. Rosenhagen, who was domestic 
steward of the Duchess of Munster, used to relate as a fact 
within his personal knowledge, that when the Earl of Niths- 
dale made his escape out of the Tower the night before he 
was to be executed, the Deputy Lieutenant of the Tower, as 
soon as it was known, went to St. James's to acquaint the 
king with it, and to vindicate himself from any remissness 
or treachery in his conduct. His majesty was entertaining 
himself with a select party of the nobility, and it was with 
difficulty the lieutenant gained admittance ; when, with some 
alarm and concern, he told his majesty that he had some ill 
news to acquaint him with, the king said directly, "What! 
is the city on fire, or is there a new insurrection ?" He said 
that neither was the case, but told his master of Nithsdale's 
escape. The king most humanely replied, " Is that all ? It 
was the wisest thing he could do, and what I would have 
done in his place. And pray, Mr. Lieutenant, be not too dil- 
igent in searching after him, for I wish for no man's blood !" 

Massacre of the Huguenots. — When Catharine of 
Medicis had persuaded Charles IX. to massacre all the Prot- 
estants in France, orders were sent to the governors of the 
different provinces to put the Huguenots to death in their re- 
spective districts. One Catholic governor, whose memory 
will ever be dear to humanity, had the courage to disobey 
the cruel mandate. " Sire," said he, in a letter to his sover- 
eign, " I have too much respect for your majesty not to per- 
suade myself that the order I have received must be forged ; 
but if, which God forbid, it should be really the order of 
your majesty, I have too much respect for the personal 
character of my sovereign to obey it." 

Emperor Francis II. — One arm of the Danube separates 
the city of Vienna from a large suburb called Leopold-stadt. 
A thaw inundated this suburb, and the ice carried away the 
bridge of communication with the capital. The population 
of Leopold-stadt began to be in the greatest distress for want 
of provisions. A number of boats were collected and load- 
ed with bread ; but no one felt hardy enough to risk the pas- 
sage, which was rendered extremely dangerous by large 
bodies of ice. Francis the Second, who was then emperor, 
stood at the water's edge ; he begged, exhorted, threatened, 



MORAL. 183 

and promised the highest recompenses, but all in vain ; 
while on the other shore his subjects, famishing with hunger, 
stretched forth their hands and supplicated relief. Their 
monarch's sensibility at length got the better of his pru- 
dence ; he leaped singly into a boat loaded with bread, and 
applied himself to the oars, exclaiming, " Never shall it be 
said that I made no effort to save those who would risk their 
all for me." The example of the sovereign, sudden as elec- 
tricity, inflamed the spectators, who threw themselves in 
crowds into the boats. They encountered the sea success- 
fully, and gained the suburb just when their intrepid mon- 
arch, with the tear of pity in his eye, held out the bread he 
had conveyed across at the risk of his life. 

CAESAR. 

" This placed Caesar among the gods." 

Mar. Aurelius. 

Julius Caesar was not more eminent for his value in over- 
coming his enemies than for his humane efforts in recon- 
ciling and attaching them to his dominion. In the battle of 
Pharsaliahe rode to and fro, calling vehemently out, " Spare, 
spare the citizens !" Nor were any killed but such as ob- 
stinately refused to accept of life. After the battle he gave 
every man on his own side leave to save any of the oppo- 
site from the list of proscription ; and at no long time after 
he issued an edict, permitting all whom he had not yet par- 
doned to return in peace to Italy to enjoy their estates and 
honours. It was a common saying of Caesar, that no music 
was so charming to his ears as the requests of his friends 
and the supplications of those in want of his assistance. 



Humane Driver Rewarded. — A poor Macedonian was 
one day leading before Alexander a mule laden with gold for 
the king's use ; the beast being so tired that he was not able 
either to go or sustain the load, the mule-driver took it off 
and carried it himself with great difficulty a considerable 
way. Alexander, seeing him just sinking under his burden, 
and about to throw it on the ground, cried out, " Friend, do 
not be weary yet ; try and carry it quite through to thy tent, 
for it is all thy own." 



Henry IV. of France. — When Henry IV. of France 
was advised to attempt to take Paris by an assault before 
the King of Spain's troops arrived to succour the leaguers, he 
absolutely protested against the measure on the principle of 



184 ANECDOTES. 

humanity. " I will not," said he, " expose the capital to the 
miseries and horrors which must follow such an event. I 
am the father of my people, and will follow the example of 
the true mother who presented herself before Solomon. I 
had much rather not have Paris than obtain it at the ex- 
pense of humanity, and by the blood and death of so many 
innocent persons." 

Henry reduced the city to obedience without the loss of 
more than two or three burgesses, who were killed. "If it 
was in my power," said the humane monarch, " I would give 
fifty thousand crowns to redeem those citizens, to have the 
satisfaction of informing posterity that I had subdued Paris 
without spilling a drop of blood." 



Hospitality Rewarded. — The Czar Ivan, who reigned 
over Russia about the middle of the sixteenth century, fre- 
quently went out disguised, in order to discover the opinion 
which the people entertained of his administration. One 
day, in a solitary walk near Moscow, he entered a small 
village, and pretending to be overcome by fatigue, implored 
relief from several of the inhabitants. His dress was rag- 
ged, his appearance mean ; and what ought to have excited 
the compassion of the villagers and ensured his reception, 
was productive of refusal. Full of indignation at such in- 
human treatment, he was just going to leave the place, when 
he perceived another habitation, to which he had not yet ap- 
plied for assistance. It was the poorest cottage in the vil- 
lage. The emperor hastened to this, and, knocking at the 
door, a peasant opened it, and asked him what he wanted. 
" I am almost dying with fatigue and hunger," answered the 
Czar ; " can you give me a lodging for one night ?" " Alas !" 
said the peasant, taking him by the hand, " you will have 
but poor fare ; you are come at an unlucky time ; my wife 
is in labour ; her cries will not let you sleep ; but come in, 
come in ; you will at least be sheltered from the cold, and 
such as we have you shall be welcome to." 

The peasant then made the Czar enter a little room full 
of children ; in a cradle were two infants sleeping soundly . 
A girl three years old was sleeping on a rug near the cradle ; 
while her two sisters, the one five years old, the other almost 
seven, were on their knees, crying, and praying to God for 
their mother, who was in a room adjoining, and whose pit- 
eous plaints and groans were distinctly heard. " Stay here," 
said the peasant to the emperor. " I will go and get some- 
thing for your supper." 



MORAL. 185 

He went out and soon relumed with some black bread, 
eggs, and honey. " You see all I can give you," said the peas- 
ant ; " partake of it with my children. I must go and assist 
my wife." " Your hospitality," said the Czar, " must bring 
down blessings upon your house ; I am sure God will re- 
ward your goodness." " Pray to God, my good friend," re- 
plied the peasant, " pray to God Almighty that she may have 
a safe delivery : that is all I wish for." " And is that all 
you wish to make you happy ?" " Happy ! judge for your- 
self; I have five fine children; a dear wife that loves me; 
a father and mother both in good health ; and my labour is 
sufficient to maintain them all." " Do your father and moth- 
er live with you ?" " Certainly ; they are in the next room 
with my wife." " But your cottage here is so very small !" 
" It is large enough ; it can hold us all." 

The good peasant then went to his wife, who in about an 
hour after was happily delivered. Her husband, in a trans- 
port of joy, brought the child to the Czar ; " Look," said he, 
" look ; this is the sixth she has brought me ! May God 
preserve them as he has done my others !" The Czar, sen- 
sibly affected at this scene, took the infant in his arms ; " I 
know," said he, " from the physiognomy of this child, that 
he will be quite fortunate. He will arrive, I am certain, at 
preferment." The peasant smiled at the prediction ; and at 
that instant the two eldest girls came to kiss their newborn 
brother, and their grandmother came also to take him back. 
The little ones followed her ; and the peasant, laying himself 
down upon his bed of straw, invited the stranger to do the 
same. 

In a moment the peasant was in a sound and peaceful 
sleep ; but the Czar, sitting up, looked around, and contem- 
plated everything with an eye of tenderness and emotion ; the 
sleeping children and their sleeping father. An undisturbed 
silence reigned in the cottage. " What a happy chasm ! 
What delightful tranquillity !" said the emperor ; " avarice 
and ambition, suspicion and remorse, never enter here. How- 
sweet is the sleep of innocence !" In such reflections and on 
such a bed did the mighty emperor of the Russias spend the 
night ! The peasant awoke at the break of day, and his 
guest, after taking leave of him, said, " I must return to 
Moscow, my friend ; I am acquainted there with a very 
benevolent man, to whom I shall take care to mention your 
kind treatment of me. I can prevail upon him to stand god- 
father to your child. Promise me, therefore, that you will 
wait for me, that I may be present at the christening ; I 

A A 



186 ANECDOTES. 

will be back in three hours at the farthest." The peasant 
did not think much of this mighty promise ; but, in the good 
nature of his heart, he consented, however, to the stranger's 
request. 

The Czar immediately took his leave : the three hours 
were soon gone, and nobody appeared. The peasant, there- 
fore, followed by hi» family, was preparing to carry his child 
to church ; but, as he was leaving his cottage, he heard on a 
sudden the trampling of horses and the rattling of many 
coaches. He knew the imperial guards, and instantly called 
his family to come and see the emperor go by. They all 
ran out in a hurry and stood before their door. The horses, 
men, and carriages soon formed a circular line, and at last 
the state coach of the Czar stopped opposite the peasant's 
door. 

The guards kept back the crowd, which the hopes of see- 
ing their sovereign had collected together. The coach door 
was opened, the Czar alighted, and, advancing to his host, 
thus addressed him : " I promised you a god-father ; I am 
come to fulfil my promise : give me your child, and follow me 
to church." The peasant stood like a statue ; now looking at 
the emperor with the mingled emotions of astonishment and 
joy ; now observing his magnificent robes, and the costly 
jewels with which they were adorned ; and now turning to 
a crowd of nobles that surrounded him. In this profusion 
of pomp he could not discover the poor stranger who lay 
all night with him upon straw. 

The emperor for some moments silently enjoyed his 
perplexity, and then addressed him thus : " Yesterday you 
performed the duties of humanity ; to-day I am come to dis- 
charge the most delightful duty of a sovereign, that of rec- 
ompensing virtue. I shall not remove you from a situation 
to which you do so much honour, and the innocence and 
tranquillity of which I envy ; but I will bestow upon you 
such things as may be useful to you. You shall have nu- 
merous flocks, rich pastures, and a house that will enable 
you to exercise the duties of hospitality with pleasure. Your 
newborn child shall become my ward ; for you may re- 
member," continued the emperor, smiling, " that I prophe- 
sied he would be fortunate." 

The good peasant could not speak ; but, with tears of sen- 
sibility in his eyes, he ran instantly to fetch the child, brought 
him to the emperor, and laid him respectfully at his feet. 
This excellent sovereign was quite affected ; he took the child 
in his arms, and carried him himself to church ; and, after 



MORAL. 187 

the ceremony was over, unwilling to deprive him of his 
mother's milk, he took him back to the cottage, and ordered 
that he should be sent to him as soon as he could be weaned. 
The Czar faithfully observed his engagement, caused the 
boy to be educated in his palace, provided amply for his 
farther settlement in life, and continued ever after to heap 
favours upon the virtuous peasant and his family. 



PARENTAL AFFECTION. 

God hath wisely and kindly implanted in the breasts of 
parents a most ardent principle of affection towards their chil- 
dren. And, indeed, the various trials and difficulties of a fam- 
ily require more than ordinary regard to conduct it with prc- 
priety ; to bear with patience whatever transpires, and to 
watch with constancy against every evil to which children 
are exposed. 

Fond Fathers. — The warlike Agesilaus was, within the 
walls of his own house, one of the most tender and playful 
of men. He used to join with his children in all their inno- 
cent gambols, and was once discovered by a friend showing 
them how to ride upon a hobby-horse. When his friend ex- 
pressed some surprise at beholding the great Agesilaus so 
employed, "Wait," said the hero, "till you are yourself a 
father, and if you then blame me, I give you liberty to pro- 
claim this act of mine to all the world." 

The grave Socrates was once surprised in nearly a simi- 
lar situation by Alcibiades, and made nearly the same answer 
to the scoffs of that gay patrician. " You have not," said he, 
"such reason as you imagine to laugh so at a father playing 
with his child. You know nothing of that affection which 
parents have to their children ; restrain your mirth till you 
have children of your own, when you will, perhaps, be found 
as ridiculous as I now seem to you to be." 

The elder Cato, in the busiest periods of his life, always 
found time to be present at the bathing and dressing of his 
son ; and, when he grew up, would not suffer him to have 
any other master than himself. Being once advised to resign 
the boy to the care of some learned servant, he replied that 
" he could not bear that any servant should pull his son by 
the ears, or that his son should be indebted for his learning 
and education to any other than himself." 



188 ANECDOTES. 

Charles the Great was so fond a father, that he never dined 
or supped without his children at table ; he went nowhere 
but he took them along with him ; and when he was asked 
why he did not marry his daughters, and send his sons abroad 
to see the world, his reply was, " that he was sure he could 
not be able to bear their absence," 



The Theatre and the Prison. — " Some time ago," says 
Rev. T. East, in his sermon in the British pulpit, " I called 
to see a mother : she was in distress. She not merely wept, 
but wept aloud. 

" ' What is the matter ?' 

" ' Oh, my child !' and she wept again. ' Oh, my child is 
just committed to prison, and I fear he will never return to 
his father's house/ and she wept again ; and, with all my 
firmness, I could not forbear weeping too. I was afraid to 
ask the cause. I did not need, for she said, 

" ' Oh, that theatre ! He was a virtuous, kind youth, till 
that theatre proved his ruin P This was her testimony, and 
it was the testimony of the young man himself." 

Saving from Fire. — In 1813 a wealthy farmer, residing 
near Tuam, who was left a widower, with three helpless 
children, on his return home about midnight from the fair 
of Clare, found his house all in a blaze. His first exclama- 
tion was, "Where are my children? I must relieve them, 
or we must perish together." He ran to the yard, where for- 
tunately there happened to be a ladder, which he applied to 
the wall, rushed into the flames, and succeeded in penetrating 
into the room where the little children were in bed ; he had 
already taken two of them in his arms, when a third, the 
youngest, a beautiful girl, cried out, " Sure, father, you will 
not leave your own little Hannah in the fire." The distract- 
ed parent took up the little innocent, wrapped in her night- 
clothes, in his teeth, and providentially escaped without any 
material injury to himself or to his precious burden. The 
house, with all the furniture, fell a prey to the flames. 

Steele among his Children. — It is a common remark, 
that literary men make but indifferent fathers of families. 
We see few Melancthons among them who will rock the 
cradle, and write or read at the same time ; few, indeed, 
who can bear to have anything to do with nursery cares or 
frolics in their hours of study or contemplation. A letter 
which is extant of Sir Richard Steele to his wife, shows 






MORAL. 189 

him to have been, in this respect, a splendid exception to his 
class. Seldom have parental affection and good-nature been 
more pleasingly exemplified than in the family picture which 
he here presents to us : " Your son," says he, " at the present 
writing, is mighty well employed, in tumbling on the floor 
in the room, and sweeping the sand with a feather. He 
grows a most delightful child, and very full of play and 
spirit ; he is also a very great scholar ; he can read his prim- 
er, and I have brought down my Virgil ; he makes more 
shrewd remarks upon the pictures. We are very intimate 
friends and playfellows. My dear wife, preserve yourself 
for him that sincerely loves you, and to be an example to 
your little ones of religion and virtue. Your daughter Bes6 
gives her duty to you, and says she will be your comfort ; 
but she is very sorry you are afflicted with the gout. The 
brats, my girls, stand on each side the table ; and Molly says 
that what I am writing now is about the new coat. Bess is 
with me till she has new clothes. Miss Moll has taken upon 
her to hold the sandbox, and is so impertinent in her office 
that I cannot write more." What a subject for a Wilkie ! 



FILIAL AFFECTION. 

A gentleman of Sweden was condemned to suffer death as 
a punishment for certain offences committed by him in the 
discharge of an important public office, which he had filled 
for a number of years with an integrity that had never before 
undergone either suspicion or impeachment. His son, a 
youth about eighteen years of age, was no sooner apprized 
of the predicament to which the wretched author of his being 
was reduced, than he flew to the judge who had pronounced 
the fatal decree, and, throwing himself at his feet, prayed 
" that he might be allowed to suffer in the room of a father 
whom he adored, and whose loss he declared it was impos- 
sible for him to survive." The magistrate was thunderstruck 
at this extraordinary procedure in the son, and would hardly 
be persuaded that he was sincere in it. Being at length 
satisfied, however, that the young man wished for nothing 
more ardently than to save his father's life at the expense of 
his own, he wrote an account of the whole affair to the king ; 
and the consequence was, that his majesty immediately de- 
spatched back the courier, with orders to grant a free pardon' 
to the father, and to confer a title of honour on his incom- 



190 ANECDOTES. 

parable son. The last mark of royal favour, however, the 
youth begged leave, with all humility, to decline ; and the 
motive for the refusal of it was not less noble than the con- 
duct by which he deserved it was generous and disinterested. 
" Of what avail," exclaimed he, " could the most exalted title 
be to me, humbled as my family already is in the dust ? 
Alas ! would it not serve but as a monument to perpetuate 
in the minds of my countrymen the direful remembrance of 
an unhappy father's shame ?" His majesty (the King of Swe- 
den) actually shed tears when this magnanimous speech was 
reported to him ; and, sending for the heroic youth to court, 
he appointed him directly to the office of his private confi- 
dential secretary. 

Daughter's Choice. — Among the families who fell vic- 
tims to popular fury in the revolt of the Cossack Pugatchef 
was an old man, his wife, and daughters. The servants en- 
deavoured to protect the youngest, aged only seventeen years, 
and who was universally beloved for the sweetness of her 
disposition, from the assassins. They disguised her in the 
dress of a peasant, and she might have escaped with the 
greatest ease ; but, being deeply affected by the cruelties 
she saw committed on her father and mother, she would not 
survive them. She tore herself from the arms of the do- 
mestics, and, in the fulness of her despair, threw herself on 
the bodies of her unfortunate parents, her eyes streaming with 
tears, and her hands raised to heaven, fervently imploring 
God to put an end to her suffering. The murderers were 
for an instant softened by her youth and beauty. " Go, go," 
said they to her, " we will not kill you ;" but her grief was 
so poignant that she did not listen to them. She exclaimed, 
" I cannot survive these horrors ! Can I forsake my dear 
relatives? Let me die with them. I seek not to exist 
longer, since you have robbed me of all that attached me to 
life !" and again she bent over them, imploring the Divine 
mercy. One of the monsters then struck her on the head 
with a club ; but she was not entirely stunned. Raising 
her clasped hands, she prayed to God to have pity on her 
family. She was instantly despatched, and thus terminated 
a life of innocence. 



Quintus. — Among the multitude of persons who were 
proscribed under the second triumvirate of Rome were the 
celebrated orator Cicero and his brother Quintus. The lat- 
ter found means to conceal himself so effectually at home 






MORAL. 191 

that the soldiers could not find him. Enraged at their dis- 
appointment, they put his son to the torture, in order to 
make him discover the place of his father's concealment; 
but filial affection was proof against the most exquisite tor- 
ments. An involuntary sigh, and sometimes a deep groan, 
were all that could be extorted from the youth. His agonies 
were increased ; but with amazing fortitude he still persisted 
in his resolution of not betraying his father. Quintus was 
not far off; and it may be imagined better than can be ex- 
pressed how his heart must have been affected with the 
sighs and groans of a son expiring in torture to save his life. 
He could bear it no longer ; but, leaving the place of his 
concealment, he presented himself to the assassins, begging 
of them to put him to death and dismiss the innocent youth. 
But the inhuman monsters, without being the least affected 
with the tears either of the father or the son, answered that 
they both must die ; the father because he was proscribed, 
and the son because he had concealed the father. Then a 
new contest of tenderness arose who should die first ; but 
this the assassins soon decided by beheading them both at 
the same time. 



An Affecting Story. — The following thrilling account 
of the execution of Colonel Hayne, of South Carolina, du- 
ring the war of the American revolution, was related by the 
Rev. M. Beckwith in a discourse " On the Evils of War." 

" Among the distinguished men who fell victims in the 
war of the American revolution *was Colonel Isaac Hayne, 
of South Carolina ; a man who, by his amiability of charac- 
ter and high sentiments of honour and uprightness, had se- 
cured the good-will and affection of all who knew him. He 
had a wife and six children, the eldest a boy thirteen years 
of age. His wife, to whom he was tenderly attached, fell 
a victim to disease ; an event hastened not improbably by 
the inconveniences and sufferings incident to a state of war, 
in which the whole army largely participated. Colonel 
Hayne himself was taken prisoner by the English forces, 
and in a short time was executed on the gallows under cir- 
cumstances calculated to excite the deepest commiseration. 
A great number of persons, both English and American, in- 
terceded for his life ; the ladies of Charleston signed a peti- 
tion in his behalf; his motherless children were on their 
bended knees humble suiters for their beloved father, but 
all in vain. 

" During the imprisonment of the father, his eldest son 



192 ANECDOTES. 

was permitted to stay with him in the prison. Beholding 
his only surviving parent, for whom he felt the deepest af- 
fection, loaded with irons and condemned to die, he was 
overwhelmed with consternation and sorrow. The wretched 
father endeavoured to console him by reminding him that 
the unavailing grief of his son tended only to increase his 
own misery ; that he came into this world merely to prepare 
for a better ; that he himself was prepared to die, and could 
even rejoice that his troubles were so near ended. ' To- 
morrow,' said he, ■ I set out for immortality ; you will ac- 
company me to the place of my execution ; and, when I am 
dead, take my body and bury it by the side of your poor 
mother.' The youth fell upon his father's neck, crying, 
' Oh, my father, my father, I die with you !' Colonel Hayne, 
as he was loaded with irons, could not return the embrace 
of his son, and merely said in return, ■ Live, my son, live to 
honour God by a good life ; live to take care of your brother 
and little sisters.' 

" The next morning," proceeds the narrator of these dis 
tressing events, " Colonel Hayne was conducted to the place 
of execution. His son accompanied him. Soon as they 
came in sight of the gallows, the father strengthened himself 
and said, ' Tom, my son, show yourself a man ! that tree is 
the boundary of my life and all my life's sorrow. Beyond 
that the wicked cease from troubling and the weary are at 
rest. Don't lay too much at heart our separation ; it will be 
short. It was but lately your mother died ; to-day I die. 
And you, my son, though but young, must shortly follow.' 
1 Yes, my father,' replied the broken-hearted youth, ' I shall 
shortly follow you, for I feel indeed that I cannot live long.' 
And this melancholy anticipation was fulfilled in a manner 
more dreadful than is implied in the mere extinction of life. 
On seeing his father in the hands of the executioner, and 
then struggling in the halter, he stood like one transfixed and 
motionless with horror. Till then," proceeds the narration, 
"he had wept incessantly; but, as he saw that, the fountain 
of his tears was stanched, and he never wept more. He 
died insane ; and in his last moments often called on his fa- 
ther in terms that brought tears from the hardest heart." 



MUSIC. 



The Organ. — We do not find any mention of an organ 
before the year 757, when Constantine Cupronymus, emper- 



MORAL. 193 

or of the East, sent to Pepin, king of France, among other 
rich presents, a musical machine, which the French writers 
describe to have been composed of pipes and large tubes of 
tin, and to have imitated sometimes the roaring of thunder 
and sometimes the warbling of a flute. A lady was so af- 
fected on first hearing it played on that she fell into a de- 
lirium, and could never afterward be restored to ner reason. 
In the reign of the Emperor Julian these instruments had 
become so popular, that Ammianus Marcellinus complains 
that they occasioned the, study of the sciences to be aban- 
doned. 



The Harpsichord. — Neiiher the name of the harpsichord 
nor that of the spinet, of which it is manifestly but an im- 
provement, occurs in the writings of any of the monkish 
musicians who wrote after Guido, the inventor of the mod- 
ern method of notation. As little is there any notice taken 
of it by Chaucer, who seems to have occasionally mention- 
ed all'the various instruments in use in his time. Gower, 
indeed, speaks of an instrument called the citole in these 
verses : 

" He taught her, till she was certeyne 
Of harp, citole, and of ciote, 
With many a tune and many a note.' 

Confessio Amantis. 

And by an ancient list of the domestic establishment of 
Edward III., it appears that he had in his service a musi- 
cian called a cyteller or cysteller. This citole (from citolla, 
a little chest) Sir John Hawkins supposes to have been " an 
instrument resembling a box, with strings on the top or belly, 
which, by the application of the tastatura or key-board bor- 
rowed from the organ and sacks, became a spinet." Of the 
harpsichord, however, properly so called, the earliest descrip- 
tion of it which has been yet met with occurs in the Mu- 
surgia of Ottomanis Luscinius, published at Strasburgh in 
1536. 



Wrath of Amurath subdued. — Sultan Amurath, a 
prince notorious for his cruelty, laid siege to Bagdad ; and, 
on taking it, gave orders for putting thirty thousand Persians 
to death, notwithstanding they had submitted and laid down 
their arms. Among the number of the victims was a mu- 
sician, who entreated the officer to whom the execution of 
the sultan's order was intrusted to spare him for a moment 
that he might speak to the author of the dreadful decree. 

B b 9 



194 ANECDOTES. 

The officer consented, and he was brought before Amurath 
who permitted him to exhibit a specimen of his art. Like 
the musician in Homer, he took up a kind of psaltery which 
resembles a lyre, and has six strings on each side, and ac- 
companied it with his voice. He sung the capture of Bag- 
dad and the triumph of Amurath. The pathetic tones and 
exulting sounds which he drew from the instrument, joined 
to the alternative plaintiveness and boldness of his strains, 
rendered the prince unable to restrain the softer emotions of 
his soul. He even suffered him to proceed, until, overpow- 
ered with harmony, he melted into tears of pity and repent- 
ed of his cruelty. In consideration of the musician's abili- 
ties, he not only directed his people to spare those among 
the prisoners who yet remained alive, but also to give them 
instant liberty. 

Pythagoras. — Pythagoras says that the whole world is 
made according to musical proportion. Plato asserts that 
the soul of the world is conjoined with musical proportion. 

Sir Isaac Newton was of opinion that the principles of 
harmony pervade the universe, and gives a proof of the gen- 
eral principle from the analogy between colours and sounds. 

From a number of experiments made on a ray of light 
with the prism, he found that the primary colours occupied 
spaces exactly corresponding with those intervals which con- 
stitute the octave in the division of a musical chord ; and 
hence he has obviously shown the affinity between the har- 
mony of colours and musical sounds. 

Shakspeare, Milton, Dryden, Mason, and other eminent 
poets, all seem to favour the Pythagorean system. The first 
of these, whose vast mind grasped the whole creation with 
its internal mechanism at once, thus happily alludes to the 
subject in his play of " The Merchant of Venice :" 

" There's not the smallest orb which thou behold'st, 
But in his motion like an angel sings, 
Still choiring to the young-eyed cherubims; 
Such harmony is in immortal sounds ! 
But while this muddy vesture of decay 
Doth grossly close us in, we cannot hear it." 



Power of Religion — Influence of Music. — One of 
the most interesting anecdotes illustrating the power of mu- 
sic was related a few days since in a social meeting by an 
English clergyman who was acquainted with the facts. 

" A nobleman, Lord , was a man of the world. His 

pleasures were drawn from his riches, his honours, and his 



MORAL. 195 

friends. His daughter was the idol of his heart. Much 
had been expended for her education, and well did she re- 
pay in her intellectual endowments the solicitude of her pa- 
rents. She was highly accomplished, amiable in her dispo- 
sition, and winning in her manners. They were all strangers 
to God. 

"At length Miss attended a Methodist meeting in 

London ; was deeply awakened, and soon happily converted. 
Now she was delighted in the service of the sanctuary and 
social meetings. To her the charms of Christianity were 
overflowing. She frequented those places where she met 
with congenial minds, animated with similar hopes. She 
was often found in the house of God. 

" The change was marked by her fond father with painful 
solicitude. To see his lovely daughter thus infatuated was 
to him an occasion of deep grief, and he resolved to cor- 
rect her erroneous notions on the subject of the real pleas- 
ure and business of life. He placed at her disposal large 
sums of money, hoping she would be induced to go into the 
fashions and extravagances of others of her birth, and leave 
the Methodist meetings. But she maintained her integrity. 
He took her on long journeys, conducted in the most en- 
gaging manner, in order to divert her mind from religion ; 
but she still delighted in the Saviour. 

" After failing in many projects which he fondly anticipated 
would be effectual in subduing the religious feelings of his 
daughter, he introduced her into company under circum- 
stances in which she must either join in the recreation of 
the party or give offence. Hope lighted up in the counte- 
nance of this affectionate but misguided father as he saw his 
snare about to entangle the object of his solicitude. It had 
been arranged among his friends that several young ladies, 
on the approaching festive occasion, should give a song, ac- 
companied by the piano-forte. 

" The hour arrived, the party assembled. Several had 
performed their parts to the great delight of the party, which 

was in high spirits. Miss was now called on for a 

song, and many hearts now beat high in hopes of victory. 
Should she decline, she was disgraced ; should she comply, 
their triumph was complete. This was the moment to seal 
her fate ! With perfect, self-possession she took her seat at 
the piano-forte, ran her fingers over the keys, and com- 
menced playing and singing, in a sweet air, the following 
words : 



196 ANECDOTES. 

" ' No room for mirth or trifling here, 
For worldly hope or worldly fear, 

If life so soon is gone ; 
If now the Judge is at the door, 
And all mankind must stand before 

Th' inexorable throne ! 

No matter which my thoughts employ, 
A moment's misery or joy ; 

But oh ! when both shall end, 
Where shall I find my destined place ? 
Shall I my everlasting days 

With fiends or angels spend V 

" She rose from her seat. The whole party was subdued, 
Not a word was spoken. Her father wept aloud ! One by 
one they left the house. 

" Lord never rested until he became a Christian. He 

lived an example of Christian benevolence, having given to 
benevolent Christian enterprises, at the time of his death, 
nearly half a million of dollars." 



Luther. — " Music," says Luther, " is one of the fairest 
and most glorious gifts of God, to which Satan is a bitter 
enemy ; for it removes from the heart the weight of sorrows 
and the fascination of evil thoughts. Music is a kind and 
gentle sort of discipline ; it refines the passions and im- 
proves the understanding. Even the dissonance of unskilful 
fiddlers serves to set off the charms of true melody, as white 
is made more conspicuous by the opposition of black. Those 
who love music are gentle and honest in their tempers. I 
always loved music," adds Luther, " and would not, for a 
great matter, be without the little skill which I possess in 
the art." 

The Piano-Forte. — The invention of the piano-forte has 
formed an era in the art of music. It has been the means 
of developing the sublimest ideas of the composer, and the 
delicacy of its touch has enabled him to give the lightest 
shades, as well as the boldest strokes of musical expression. 

The first piano-forte was made by Father Wood, an Eng- 
lish monk, at Rome, about the year 1711, for Mr. Crisp, the 
author of "Virginia." The tone of this instrument was 
much superior to that produced by quills, with the additional 
power of producing all the shades of piano and forte by the 
fingers ; it was on this last account it received its name. 

Fulk Greville, Esq., purchased it from Mr. Crisp for 100 
guineas, and it remained unique in this country for many 
years, until Plenius, the maker of the lyrichord, made one 
in imitation of it. 



MORAL. 197 



CARDS. 



Cards were first invented under the reign of Charles VI., 
king of France, to amuse him during the intervals of the 
disorder which carried him to the grave. The world would 
have sustained no loss had his majesty been suffered to die 
in peace without this invention. They seem, however, to 
be the delight of vast numbers of mankind ; and even men 
who profess to have a superiority of taste and a greater ex- 
tent of knowledge than the generality, pass away too much 
of their time in this useless and often injurious pursuit. The 
following is a very pointed and suitable reproof to such. 

Mr. Locke. — Mr. Locke having been introduced by Lord 
Shaftesbury to the Duke of Buckingham and Lord Halifax, 
these three noblemen, instead of conversing with the philoso- 
pher, as might naturally have been expected, on literary sub- 
jects, in a very short time .sat down to cards. Mr. Locke, 
after looking on for some time, pulled out his pocket-book, and 
began to write with great attention. One of the company ob- 
serving this, took the liberty of asking him what he was wri- 
ting. " My lord," said Locke, " I am endeavouring, as far as 
possible, to profit by my present situation ; for, having waited 
with impatience for the honour of being in company with 
the greatest geniuses of the age, I thought I could do nothing 
better than to write down your conversation ; and, indeed, 
I have set down the substance of what you have said for 
this hour or two." This well-timed ridicule had its desired 
effect ; and these noblemen, fully sensible of its force, imme- 
diately ceased their play, and entered into a conversation 
more rational and better suited to the dignity of their char- 
acters. 



Addison. — " I think it very wonderful," says Addison, 
"to see persons of the best sense passing away a dozen 
hours together in shuffling and dividing a pack of cards, 
with no other conversation but what is made up of a few 
game phrases, and no other ideas but those of black or red 
spots ranged together in different figures. Would not a man 
laugh to hear any one of this species complaining that life 
is short?" 



Mr. Dodd. — Mr. Dodd, an eminent minister, being solicit- 
ed to play at cards, arose from his seat and uncovered his 



198 ANECDOTES. 

head. The company asked him what he was going to do, 
He replied, " To crave God's blessing." They immediately 
exclaimed, " We never ask a blessing on such an occasion." 
" Then," said he, " I never engage in anything but what I 
beg of God to give his blessing." 

Gambling Houses at New-Orleans. — These rooms are 
very splendid, richer than any private apartments at the 
North ; more luxurious. Sofas, couches, mirrors, paintings, 
fountains of nectar, and the music of seraphs, enchant the 
senses. How many wretched forms have reclined upon 
these very couches ! How many haggard faces have been 
reflected from these mirrors ! Here, sitting where my form 
rests, the suicide thought of his beggared wife, and the boy, 
the first-born of his union ; and, burying his face in his hands, 
formed the awful resolution. Here, too, the old and respect- 
able planter has sat in mute despair to contemplate his bank- 
ruptcy and loss of reputation ; but he did not think of suicide. 
The old love life, though they know it to be pain and sorrow. 
Can splendour, and music, and gayety, and youth, throw even 
a gleam of joy over apartments so accursed? The air is 
death. Men will not grow wise by anything but their own 
experience. Though all the dead bodies of suicides, and 
all the mental pangs personified, sat by to warn the gambler, 
he would not stop. Yes ! all goes on now as before. The 
cards that are handled to-day, and the dice that rattle so 
merrily, and the spots so well drawn, have been handled, and 
rattled, and seen by fingers and eyes that now clasp the 
worm, and furnish a nest for the coiling reptile. — Knicker- 
bocker. 



Gaming. — The wife of a gamester came with death in 
her looks to seek her husband where he had been playing 
for two days. " Leave me," said he, " I shall see you again, 
perhaps !" He did, indeed, come to her : she was in bed 
with the last child at her breast. " Rise," said he ; " the bed 
on which you lie is no longer yours." 

Elizabeth Edmonds. — Queen Mary having dealt severely 
with the Protestants in England, about the latter end of her 
reign signed a commission to take the same course with 
them in Ireland ; and, to execute the same with greater force, 
she nominated Dr. Cole one of the commissioners. This 
doctor, coming with the commission to Chester on his jour- 
ney, the mayor of that citv, hearing that her majesty was 



MORAL. 199 

sending a messenger into Ireland, and he being a churchman, 
waited on the doctor, who, in discourse with the mayor, took 
out of a cloakbag a leather box, saying unto him, " Here 
is a commission that shall lash the heretics of Ireland," call- 
ing the Protestants by that title. The good woman of the 
house, being well affected to the Protestant religion, and 
also having a brother, named John Edmonds, of the same, 
then a citizen in Dublin, was much troubled at the doctor's 
words ; but watching her convenient time, while the mayor 
took his leave, and the doctor complimented him down the 
stairs, she opened the box, took the commission out, and 
placed in lieu thereof a sheet of paper with a pack of cards 
wrapped up therein, the knave of clubs being faced uppermost. 
The doctor, coming up to his chamber, and suspecting no- 
thing of what had been done, put up the box as formerly. 
The next day, going to the water side, wind and weather 
serving him, he sailed towards Ireland, and landed on the 
seventh of October, 1558, at Dublin. When he arrived at 
the castle, the Lord Fitz-Walter, being lord deputy, sent for 
him to come before him and the privy council. He came 
accordingly, and after he had made a speech, relating upon 
what account he had come over, he presented the box to the 
lord deputy, who, causing it to be opened that the secre- 
tary might read the commission, there was nothing save a 
pack of cards, with the knave of clubs uppermost; which 
not only startled the lord deputy and council, but the doctor, 
who assured them he had a commission, but knew not how 
it was gone. Then the lord deputy made answer, " Let us 
have another commission, and we will shuffle the cards in 
the mean while." The doctor, being troubled in his mind, 
went away and returned into England, and, coming into 
court, obtained another commission ; but, staying for the 
wind on the water side, news came to him that the queen 
was dead ; and thus God preserved the Protestants of Ireland. 
Queen Elizabeth was so delighted with this story, which was 
related to her by Lord Fitz-Walter on his return to England, 
that she sent for Elizabeth Edmonds, whose husband's name 
was Mathershad, and gave her a pension of forty pounds du 
ring her life. 



Mr. Romaine. — A lady who once heard Mr. Romaine 
expressed herself mightily pleased with his discourse, and 
told him afterward that she thought she could comply with 
his doctrine and give up everything but one. u And what 
is that, madam ?" " Cards, sir." " You think you could 



200 ANECDOTES. 

not be happy without them ?" " No, sir ; I know I could 
not." " Then, madam, they are your god, and they must save 
you." This pointed and just reply is said to have issued in 
her conversion. 



DANCING. 

A Blessing on the Dance. — Again was Elizabeth ar- 
rayed in the garb of fashion, and ready for the amusement of 
the ballroom. As she stood at the glass placing the last rose 
amid her clustering locks, she hastily turned around and said 
to me, " Why, what makes you look so sad ? What is the 
matter ?" and she threw her arms around my neck, and em- 
braced me with all the enthusiasm of her young heart. 
" Come, don't be sad any more. Put this lovely rose in my 
hair, and see how sweetly it will look." 

I kissed her cheek, and, as I bade her good-night, whis- 
pered, " Can you ask God's blessing on the dance, Eliza- 
beth ?" She gave me a quick, earnest look, and hurried 
down the steps. 

At an earlier hour than usual I heard Elizabeth's voice at 
the door. I was in my chamber ; and when I went down 
to meet her, I found that she had retired to her room. I 
followed her thither, wishing to see her a few moments be- 
fore I slept. She supposed that all the family had retired, 
and her door was unlocked. I entered and found her on her 
knees before God; her hands uplifted, and her streaming 
eyes raised to heaven. " Hear my prayer, O Lord, I be- 
seech thee, and let my cry come before thee." 

I returned to her room in about half an hour, and wel- 
comed her home. 

" Yes," said she, " I have got home. In that bewildered 
ballroom I danced with the merriest and laughed with the 
loudest, but there was an arrow here ;" and she laid her hand 
on her heart. 

" Gods blessing on the dance f Why, those words rang 
in my ear at every turn : I rejoice that they still ring there. 
Oh, if God will forgive the past, if he will yet receive me, 
I will turn my back upon this gilded folly, and lay upon his 
altar what I once promised to lay there — my whole heart." 

We knelt together, and asked God to strengthen the reso- 
lution now made in his name. Our prayers have, we hum- 
bly trust, been heard ; for among the group of lovely dis- 



MORAL. 201 

ciples who keep near the Lord, walking in his footsteps and 
bearing his cross, few are more humble, consistent, and de- 
voted than the once gay and thoughtless Elizabeth G . 

Sensible Query. — When one of the English naval com- 
manders was at Canton, the officers of his frigate gave a 
ball. While they were dancing, a Chinese, who had quietly 
looked on during the operations, softly said to one of the 
company, " Why don't you make your servants do this for 

you?" 

A Good Reason for Dancing. — A party of ladies and 
gentlemen (who elsewhere pass for intelligent beings) as- 
semble at a ballroom. Soon they array themselves in op- 
posing lines ; presently a young lady jumps up from the 
iloor, shakes one foot, and comes down again. Again she 
springs up, and the other foot quivers. Then she turns round 
in her place, springs up, and shakes both her feet. Her in- 
telligent partner opposite performs the same operations. 
Then both rush forward, and seize each other's hand, and 
jump up again ; then shake their feet, and stand still. The 
next lady and gentleman very rationally and soberly follow 
the example just set by them, jumping, shaking, and turning, 
and so on to the end ; all for no other reason, that I can per- 
ceive, than because black CufTee sits in the corner drawing 
a horsehair across a catgut. 

Dancing before a King. — The following is an extract 
from an authentic MS. relative to the expenses of Edward 
II. " Item, The eleventh day of March, paid to James St. 
Albans, the king's painter, who danced before the king on a 
table, and made him laugh heartily, being a gift by the king's 
own hands, in aid of him, his wife, and children, one pound 
one shilling." 

Clerical Dancing. — Lous XII. of France held a grand 
court at Milan in 1501, where the balls are said to have 
been magnificent. Two cardinals, Cardinal de Narbonne 
and Cardinal de St. Leverin, footed it there with the rest 
of the courtiers. Cardinal Pallavino relates that the fa- 
thers, doctors, bishops, and other church dignitaries as- 
sembled at the Council of Trent, rested for a while in 1562 
from their theological polemics, and deliberated on the 
important proposition of giving a ball to Philip II., king of 
Spain. The project, after mature discussion, was adopted, 

C c 



202 ANECDOTES. 

the ball was appointed, all the ladies of the city were in- 
vited, and the Spanish bigot, together with all the fathers of 
the council, danced on the occasion. 



INDOLENCE. 

11 Indolence," says an Eastern writer, " is the daughter of 
folly, the sister of vice, and the mother of misfortunes ; 
whoever falls into this pernicious habit cannot hope to make 
much progress in knowledge or learning of any kind, and, 
consequently, must give up the glorious aim of rendering 
himself useful or conspicuous in any capacity or situation in 
life. Wisdom is not to be won but with great assiduity and 
constant application ; she must be sought early and attended 
late ; but he who consumes his hours in idle sauntering, or 
buries them in morning slumbers, shall never see the light 
of fame, no more than the light of the sun rising upon him." 

Spinola. — " Pray, of what did your brother die ?" said 
the Marquis Spinola one day to Sir Horace Vere. " He 
died, sir," replied he, " of having nothing to do." " Alas ! 
sir," said Spinola, " that is enough to kill any general of us 
all." Montesquieu says, " We in general place idleness 
among the beatitudes of heaven ; it should rather, I think, 
be put amid the tortures of hell. Austin calls it the burying 
a man alive." 



Idlers. — Skilful politicians have been so sensible of the 
dangers of idleness, that they have always been vigilant to, 
find work for their people. When Pisistratus had the su- 
preme command, he sent for those who were idle about the 
streets, and asked why they loitered about doing nothing. 
" If your cattle be dead," said he, " take others from me and 
work ; if you want seed, that I will also give you." So 
fearful was he of the injurious effects that would result from 
habits of idleness. 



The Silver Hook. — Doctor Franklin observing one day 
a hearty young fellow, whom he knew to be an extraordinary 
blacksmith, sitting on the wharf bobbing for little mudcats 
and eels, he called to him, " Ah, Tom, what a pity 'tis you 
cannot fish with a silver hook." The young man replied, 
"he was not able to fish with a silver hook." Some days 



M ORAL. 203 

after this, the doctor passing that way, saw Tom out at the 
end of the wharf again with his long pole bending over the 
flood ; " What, Tom," cried the doctor, " have you got the 
silver hook yet ?" " God bless you, doctor," cried the black- 
smith, " I am hardly able to fish with an iron hook." "Poh, 
poh !" replied the doctor ; " go home to your anvil, and you 
will make silver enough in one day to buy more and better 
fish than you can catch here in a month." 



INDUSTRY. 

Royal Gardener. — When Lysander, the Lacedaemonian 
general, brought magnificent presents to Cyrus, the younger 
son of Darius, who piqued himself more on his integrity and 
politeness than on his rank and birth, the prince conducted 
his illustrious guest through his gardens, and pointed out to 
him their varied beauties. Lysander, struck with so fine a 
prospect, praised the manner in which the grounds were laid 
out, the neatness of the walks, the abundance of fruits 
planted with an art which knew how to combine the useful 
with the agreeable ; the beauty of the parterres, and the glow- 
ing variety of flowers exhaling odours universally through- 
out the delightful scene. " Everything charms and trans- 
ports me in this place," said Lysander to Cyrus ; " but 
what strikes me most is the exquisite taste and elegant in- 
dustry of the person who drew the plan of these gardens, 
and gave it the fine order, wonderful disposition, and happi- 
ness of arrangement which I cannot sufficiently admire." 
Cyrus replied, " It was I that drew the plan and entirely 
marked it out ; and many of the trees which you see were 
planted by my own hands." " What !" exclaimed Lysander, 
with surprise, and viewing Cyrus from head to foot, " is it pos- 
sible that, with those purple robes and splendid vestments, 
those strings of jewels and bracelets of gold, those buskins 
so richly embroidered ; is it possible that you could play the 
gardener, and employ your royal hands in planting trees ?" 
" Does that surprise you ?" said Cyrus ; " I assure you that, 
when my health permits, I never sit down to my table with- 
out having fatigued myself either in military exercise, rural 
labour, or some other toilsome employment, to which I ap- 
ply myself with pleasure." Lysander, still more amazed, 
pressed Cyrus by the hand, and said, "You are truly hap- 
py, and deserve your high fortune, since you unite it with 



204 ANECDOTES. 

REWARD OF INDUSTRY. 

" This is the only witchcraft I have used." 

Shakspeari. 

Pliny tells us of one Cressin, who so tilled and manured 
a piece of ground that it yielded him fruits in abundance, 
while the lands around him remained extremely poor and 
barren. His simple neighbours could not account for this 
wonderful difference on any other supposition than that of 
his working by enchantment ; and they actually proceeded 
to arraign him for his supposed sorcery before the justice 
seat. " How is it," said they, " unless it be that he en- 
chants us, that he can contrive to draw such a revenue from 
his inheritance, while we, with equal lands, are wretched 
and miserable ?" Cressin was his own advocate ; his case 
was one which required not either ability to expound or lan- 
guage to recommend. " Behold," said he, " this comely 
damsel ; she is my daughter, my fellow-labourer ; behold, 
too, these implements of husbandry, these carts, and these 
oxen. Go with me, moreover, to my fields, and behold there 
how they are tilled, how manured, how weeded, how water- 
ed, how fenced in ! And when," added he, raising his voice, 
" you have beheld all these things, you will have beheld all 
the art, the charms, the magic which Cressin has used !" 

The judges pronounced his acquittal, passing a high eulo- 
gium on that industry and good husbandry which had so in- 
nocently made him an object of suspicion and envy to his 
neighbours. 



PETER THE GREAT. 

" Immortal Peter ! first of monarchs." 

Thomson 

It was the custom of Peter the Great to visit the different 
workshops and manufactories, not only to encourage them, 
but also to judge what other useful establishments might be 
formed in his dominions. Among the places he visited fre- 
quently were the forges of MuJler at Istia, ninety versts from 
Moscow. The Czar once passed a whole month there ; 
during which time, after giving due attention to the affairs of 
state, which he never neglected, he amused himself with 
seeing and examining everything in the most minute man- 
ner, and even employed himself in learning the business of 
a blacksmith. He succeeded so well, that on one of the 
last days of his remaining there he forged eighteen poods of 
iron, and put his own particular mark on each bar. The 
boyars and other noblemen of his suite were employed in 



MORAL. 205 

blowing the bellows, stirring the fire, carrying coals, and per- 
forming the other duties of a blacksmith's assistant. When 
Peter had finished he went to the proprietor, praised his 
manufactory, and asked him how much he gave his work- 
men per pood. " Three kopecks, or an altina," answered 
Muller. " Very well," replied the Czar ; " I have then 
earned eighteen altinas." Muller brought eighteen ducats, 
offered them to Peter, and told him that he could not give a 
workmen like his majesty less per pood. Peter refused. 
" Keep your ducats," said he ; "I have not wrought better 
than any other man ; give me what you would give to an- 
other ; I want to buy a pair of shoes, of which I am in great 
need." At the same time he showed him his shoes, which 
had been once mended, and were again full of holes. Peter 
accepted the eighteen altinas, and bought himself a pair of new 
shoes, which he used to show with much pleasure, saying, 
" These I earned with the sweat of my brow." 

One of the bars of iron forged by Peter the Great, and 
authenticated by his mark, is still to be seen at Istia, in the 
forge of Muller. Another similar bar is preserved in the 
cabinet of curiosities at St. Petersburg!]. 

Our poet Thomson, in speaking of Peter, makes the fol- 
lowing beautiful comparison between him and those ancient 
heroes who imagined that greatness was only to be acquired 
by deeds of war or schemes of subtle policy. 

" Ye shades of ancient heroes, ye who toil'd 
Through long successive ages to build up 
A lab'ring plan of state, behold at once 
The wonder done ! behold the matchless prince ! 
Who left his native throne, where reign'd till then 
A mighty shadow of unreal power ; 
Who greatly spurn'd the slothful pomp of courts, 
And roaming every land, in every port 
His sceptre laid aside, with glorious hand 
Unwearied plying the mechanic tool, 
Gather'd the seeds of trade, of useful arts, 
Of civil wisdom, and of martial skill. 
Charged with the stores of Europe, home he goes; 
Then cities rise amid th' illumined waste ; 
O'er joyless deserts smiles the rural reign ; 
Far distant flood to flood is social join'd, 
Th' astonish'd Euxine hears the Baltic roar, 
Proud navies ride on seas that never foam'd 
With daring keel before. * * * 

******* 

* * His country glows around, 

Taught by the royal hand that roused the whole, 
One scene of arts, of arms, of rising trade, 
For what his wisdom plann'd and power enforced, 
More potent still his great example show'd." 



How to Pay for a Farm. — A man in the town of D- 



r - ; ANECDOTES. 

some twenty years ago, went to a merchant in Portsmouth, 
N. H., who was also president of a bank, and stated that he 
lived on a farm, the home of his fathers, which had descend- 
ed to him by right of inheritance ; that this, his only property, 
worth two thousand dollars, was mortgaged for one thou- 
sand to a merciless creditor, and that the time of redemption 
would be out in a week. He closed by asking for a loan to 
the amount of his debt, for which he offered to re-mortgage 
his farm. 

Mer. I have no money to spare ; and if I could relieve 
you now, a similar difficulty would probably arise in a year or 
two. 

Far. No : I would make every exertion ; I think I could 
clear it. 

Mer. Well, if you will obey my directions, I can put you 
in a way to get the money; but it will require the greatest 
prudence and resolution. If you can get a good endorser 
on a note, you shall have money from the bank, and you can 
mortgage your farm to the endorser for his security. You 
must pay in one hundred dollars every sixty days. Can 
you do it? 

Far. I can get Mr. for endorser, and I can raise the 

hundred dollars for every payment but the first. 

Mer. Then borrow a hundred dollars more than you want, 
and let it lie in the bank ; you will lose only one dollar in- 
terest. But mind ; in order to get along, you must spend 
nothing, buy nothing : make a box to hold all the money 
you get, as a sacred deposite. 

He departed. The note was discounted and the payment 
punctually made. In something more than two years he 
came again into the store of the merchant, and exclaimed, 
" J am a free man ; I do not owe any man ten dollars ; but 
look at me." He was imbrowned with labour, and his 
clothes, from head to foot, were a tissue of darns and patches. 
" My wife looks worse than I do." " So you have cleared 
your farm," said the merchant. "Yes," answered he, "and 
now I know how to get another." 

Thus good advice, well improved, rescued a family from 
poverty and put them in possession of a competency which 
we believe they yet live to enjoy. Thus may one retrieve a 
falling fortune if he will ; and by using the same amount 
of self-denial, and making as great exertions in the way to 
heaven, we may secure an "inheritance incorruptible, unde- 
fined, that fadeth not away." 



MORAL. 207 



FASHION. 



It is not worth noticing the changes in fashion, unless to 
ridicule them. However, there are some who find amuse- 
ment in these records of luxurious idleness ; these thousand 
and one follies ! Modern fashions, till very lately a purer 
taste has obtained among our females, were generally men. 1 
copies of obsolete ones, and rarely originally fantastical. 
The dress of some of our beaux will be only known a few 
years hence by their caricatures. In 1751 the dress of a 
dandy is described in the Inspector. A black velvet coat, 
a green and silver waistcoat, yellow velvet breeches, and 
blue stockings. This, too, was the era of black silk breeches ; 
an extraordinary novelty, against which " some frowsy peo- 
ple attempted to raise up worsted in emulation." A satir- 
ical writer has described a buck about forty years ago; 
one could hardly have suspected such a gentleman to be 
one of our coniemporaries. " A coat of light green, with 
sleeves too small for the arms, and buttons too big for the 
sleeves ; a pair of Manchester fine stuff breeches, with- 
out money in the pockets ; clouded silk stockings, but no 
legs ; a club of hair behind larger than the head that carries 
it ; a hat of the size of sixpence on a block not worth a far- 
thing." 

" It may be a sufficient censure of some fashions," ob- 
serves Mr. Newton, "to say that they are ridiculous. Their 
chief effect is to disfigure the female form. And perhaps 
the inventers of them had no worse design than to make a 
trial how far they could lead the passive unthinking many 
in the path of absurdity." Some fashions, which seem to 
have been at first designed to hide a personal deformity, have 
obtained a general prevalence with those who had no such 
deformity to hide. We are informed that Alexander had a 
wry neck, and therefore his courtiers carried their heads on 
one side that they might appear to be in the king's fashion. 
We smile at this servility in people who lived in Macedonia 
twenty centuries before we were born ; yet it is little less 
general among ourselves in the present day. 

A lady once asked a minister whether a person might not 
pay some attention to dress and the fashions without being 
proud. " Madam," replied the minister, " whenever you 
see the tail of the fox out of the hole, you may be sure the 
fox is there." 



208 ANECDOTES. 

A certain minister lately paid a visit to a lady of his ac 
quaintance who was newly married, and who was attired in 
the modern indecent fashion. After the usual compliments, 
he familiarly said, " I hope you have got a good husband, 
madam." "Yes, sir,'* replied she, "and a good man too.'* 
'* I don't know what to say about his goodness," added the 
minister, rather bluntly; "for my Bible teaches me that a 
good man should clothe his wife, but he lets you go half 
naked." 



The Man of Fashion. — " The external graces, the friv- 
olous accomplishment of that impertinent and foolish thing 
called a man of fashion, are commonly more admired than 
the solid and masculine virtues of a warrior, a statesman, 
a philosopher, or a legislator. All the great and awful 
virtues, all the virtues which can fit either for the council, 
the senate, or the field, are, by the insolent and insignificant 
flatterers who commonly figure the most in such corrupted 
societies, held in the utmost contempt and derision. When 
the Duke of Sully was called upon by Louis the Thirteenth 
to give his advice in some great emergency, he observed the 
favourites and courtiers whispering to one another, and smi- 
ling at his unfashionable appearance. ' Whenever your ma- 
jesty's father,' said the old warrior and statesman, ' did me 
the honour to consult me, he ordered the buffoons of the 
court to retire into the antechamber.' " 

Origin of Fashion. — "Grandpa, where do people. get 
their fashions from?" "From Boston." "Well, where do 
the Boston folks get them from ?" " From England." " Ah, 
and where do the English get them from ?" " From France." 
" And where do the French get them from ?" " Why — 
why right straight from the devil ; there, now, stop your 
noise !" 

No Judge. — A learned judge who shall be nameless, while 
trying a case during the last circuit, saw, just in front of him, 
a person wearing a hat. His lordship desired one of the of- 
ficers to make that man take off his hat or leave the court. 
" My lord," said the supposed offender, who proved to be a 
lady in a riding habit, " I am no man." " Then," said his 
lordship, " I am no judge." 

Fashionable Slander. — Slander is a sad employment, to 
say the best of it. Of all species of slandering, that is the 



MORAL. 209 

most harmless which females direct against each other's 
bonnets, shawls, and shoulder-knots. Miss Biddy Bluecheek 
went a shopping the other day in Broadway, and so much 
employment did she find for critical remarks upon her friends, 
that she actually returned to dinner and a-glass of lemonade 
without buying a single article she had gone out in search of. 
That lady's bonnet displeased her, this one's blue gauze dress 
over a white gown, the other one's waist was too long, too 
short, too bulky, too round, too slender, or anything you 
please. The cut of a dandy's coat displeased, and the tie of 
his cravat almost put her into hysterics. "Oh !" said she, 
" what abominable fashions those are nowadays," while she 
swallowed down a whole glass of lemonade, just coloured, 
for constitution's sake, with ten imperceptible drops of French 
brandy. — SnowderCs Advocate. 

Addison. — " There is not so variable a thing in nature as 
a lady's headdress. Within my own memory I have known 
it to rise and fall above thirty degrees. About ten years ago 
it shot up to a very great height, insomuch that the female 
part of our species were much taller than the men. At 
present the whole sex is in a manner dwarfed, and shrunk 
into a race of beauties that seem almost another species. I 
remember several ladies who were very near seven feet high, 
that at present want some inches of five. And as I am not 
for adding to the beautiful edifices of nature, I must say I 
am highly pleased with the present fashion, and think that it 
shows the good sense which at present reigns among the sex. 
But I do not remember," coniinues Addison, "in any part of 
my reading, that the headdress aspired to so great an extrav- 
agance as in the fourteenth century, when it was built up in 
a couple of convex spires, which stood so excessively high 
on each side of the head that a woman who was but a pigmy 
without her headdress appeared like a colossus upon putting 
it on. A certain monk, enraged at such enormous headdress- 
es, declaimed against them with great zeal ; and so successful 
was he that many of the women threw down their bonnets 
in the middle of the sermon, and made a bonfire of them in 
sight of the pulpit. This monk was so renowned for his 
manner of preaching that he often had twenty thousand peo- 
ple to hear him, and the females, who sat by themselves, to 
use the similitude of an ingenious writer, appeared like a 
forest of cedars with their heads reaching to the clouds. The 
monk, however, continued to fell them by his persevering 
efforts, but ever-changing and resistless fashion soon reared 

Dd 



210 ANECDOTES. 

them again. To conclude," continues our author, " I would 
desire the fair sex to consider how impossible it is for them 
to add anything that can be ornamental to what is already 
the masterpiece of nature. The head has the most beauti- 
ful appearance, as well as the highest station in a human 
figure. Nature has laid out all her art in beautifying the 
face : she has touched it with vermilion, planted in it a dou- 
ble row of ivory, made it the seat of smiles and blushes, 
lighted it up and enlivened it with the brightness of the eyes, 
hung it on each side with curious organs of sense, given it 
airs and graces that cannot be described, and surrounded it 
with such a flowing shade of hair that sets all its beauties in 
the most agreeable light. In short, she seems to have de- 
signed the head as the ultimatum of elegance and beauty ; 
and when we load it with such a pile of supernumerary or- 
naments, we destroy the symmetry of the human figure, and 
strangely and foolishly continue to improve the masterpiece 
of Heaven's skill with childish gewgaws, ribands, and lace." 



Dr. Franklin observed : " The eyes of other people are the 
eyes that ruin us. If all but myself were blind, I should 
want neither fine houses nor fine furniture." 



Mourning Costumes. — The colours of dress for mourn- 
ing differ according to persons and countries. In Italy, the 
women once mourned in white and the men in brown. In 
China they wear white. In Turkey, Syria, Cappadocia, and 
Armenia, celestial blue. In Egypt, yellow, or the colour of 
a dead leaf. The Ethiopians wear gray ; and in Europe the 
mourning colour is black. 

Each of these colours had originally its signification: 
white is the emblem of purity; celestial blue denotes the 
place we wish to go to after death ; yellow, or the dead leaf, 
indicates that death is the end of human hope, and that man 
falls as the leaf; gray signifies the earth to which the dead 
return ; and black marks the absence of life, because it is 
the want of life. 

The Lycians, as we read in Valerius Maximus, when any 
cause of mourning befell them, put on the clothes of women, 
in order that the effeminacy of the dress might the sooner 
make them ashamed of grieving. The Thracians, again, 
never grieved at all ; but used to celebrate the death of a 
friend with every expression of mirth and joy, as a removal 
from a state of misery to one of never-ending felicity. 

Previous to the reign of Charles the Eighth, the queens of 



MORA L. 211 

France wore white upon the death of their husbands, and 
were called " reines blanches." On the death of that mon- 
arch the colour was changed to black. 

A wardrobe account for half a year to Lady Day, 1684, in 
a MS. purchased by Mr. Brander, at the sale of the library 
of George Scott, Esq., of Woolston Hall, contains the fol- 
lowing entries for the king's mourning : " A gray coat lined 
with murrey and white flowered silk, with gold loops, and 
four crape hatbands. A sad-coloured silk coat, lined with 
gold striped lustring, with silver and silk buttons, and a pur- 
ple crape hatband. A purple coat." 

English and Scots. — The Monk of Malmesbury, in his 
Life of Edward the Second, complains that such was the 
pride of dress, that the squire endeavoured to outshine the 
knight in the richness of his apparel ; the knight the baron, 
the baron the earl, and the earl the king himself. This van- 
ity became general among the people of every class at the 
commencement of the following reign, which gave occasion 
to the Scots, who, Dr. Henry says, could not afford to be such 
egregrious fops as the English, to make the following well- 
known lines : 

" Long beirds hertiless, 
Peynted whoods witless, 
Gay cotes graceless, 
Maketh England thiteless." 



Contrast. — Among the Hindoos, none but the women 
who are in the service of the pagodas are allowed to learn 
to read, to sing, and to dance. Such accomplishments be- 
long to them exclusively, and are, for that reason, held by 
the rest of the sex in such abhorrence that every virtuous 
woman would consider the mention of them as an affront. 
Peculiar to ladies of this description are also perfumes; el- 
egant and attractive attire, particularly of the head ; sweet- 
scented flowers, entwined with exquisite art about their hair; 
multitudes of ornamented trinkets, adapted with infinite 
taste to the different parts of the body ; a graceful carriage, 
and measured step, &c. 

If in reading these passages we omit the fact that this 
is the education of females intended for " the service of the 
pagoda," who would not believe that they related to the 
conduct of some fashionable boarding-school in a very dif- 
ferent quarter of the world ! 



Roman Women. — Among the Romans the women wore 






212 ANECDOTES. 

dresses of a kind of stuff so transparent that the body might 
be seen through it. This stuff was made of silk so extreme- 
ly fine that it was died a purple colour before it was made 
up ; for when this species of gauze was manufactured it 
was so delicate that it could not possibly have admitted the 
die. The shellfish which furnished the precious material 
for this colour was found near the Island of Cos ; whence 
writers have denominated this stuff the dress of Cos. Varro 
named these habits " dresses of glass." They continued in 
vogue till the time of Jerome, who declaims loudly against 
them. We learn from Isaiah that the women and maidens 
of Jerusalem wore dresses of a similar nature. 



Fans. — The fan of antiquity was of a very different shape 
from that in use in our time ; it was more like a handscreen 
with a round handle, was frequently composed of feathers, 
and then was used by the Roman ladies ; the Italian fans 
were, however, very like ours, and it is probable that the 
shape of the modern fan has been copied from the Italians. 
It appears that men were sometimes so effeminate as to use 
a fan. 

" Lady W (Wellesley, we presume) assimilates her- 
self with Spanish fashion ; she has adopted the dress of 
the ladies ; in the playful use of the fan, she confesses her 
deficiency ; she has translated Addison's descriptions of his 
application of it by the ladies of different ages and inclina- 
tions, which the Spanish ladies exemplify and allow to be 
correct. You would hardly have supposed that the Specta- 
tor was in Cadiz ; but, as I have it at hand, I will quote the 
passage which gives you the words of command, and I will 
refer you to the second paper of that work for the full ex- 
planation of them. 

" ' Handle your fans. 
Unfurl your fans. 
Discharge your fans. 
Ground your fans. 
Recover your fans. 
Flutter your fans.' 

" All these parts of the exercise a lady told me were cor- 
rect ; and she went through her part in the various uses of 
it from youth to age as perfectly as if Addison himself had 
been the drill sergeant." 

High and Low Headdresses. — About the year 1714, 
two English ladies visiting Versailles gave the fashion of 
low headdresses to the French ladies, who at that time 



MORAL. 213 

wore them so high, arranged like organ pipes, that their 
heads seemed in the middle of their bodies. The king 
loudly expressed his approbation of the superior taste and 
elegance of the English fashion, when the ladies of the 
court were, of course, eager to adopt it. 

The high headdresses, however, had scarcely been ex- 
ploded in France than they were adopted in England, and 
carried to the utmost extravagance. The ingenuity of the 
hairdressers was racked to know how to build decorative 
towers on the heads of our females, and various have been 
the expedients they have hit upon in cases of emergency ; 
a lady's slipper or an old distaff often serving the purpose 
of producing a due elevation. 

Inventress. — A Mrs. Turner was less fortunate than Si- 
mon : she was convicted and condemned. When the lord 
chief justice pronounced the sentence of death upon her, 
he said, " that as she was the first inventress and wearer of 
yellow starched ruffs and cuffs, so he hoped that she would 
be the last that wore them ; and for that purpose strictly 
charged that she should be hanged in that garb, that the 
fashion might end in shame and detestation." His hope 
was fully accomplished, as from the day she was executed 
neither yellow ruff nor cuff was ever worn. 

English Characteristic — Lucas, a painter in the reign 
of Queen Elizabeth, was employed to paint a gallery for the 
Earl of Lincoln, lord high admiral. He was to represent 
the habits of different nations. When he came to the Eng- 
lish, he painted a naked man, with cloth of various sorts ly- 
ing by him, and a pair of shears, as a satire on their fickle- 
ness of dress. The thought was borrowed from Andrew 
Borde, who, in his Introduction to Knowledge, prefixed a 
naked Englishman, with these lines: 

" I am an Englishman, and naked ; I stand here 
Musing in my mind what raiment I shall wear." 



Female Beauty and Ornaments. — The ladies in Japan 
gild their teeth, and those of the Indies paint them red. The 
pearl of teeth must be died black to be beautiful in Guzurat. 
In Greenland the women colour their faces with blue and 
yellow. However fresh the complexion of a Muscovite may 
be, she would think herself very ugly if she was not plastered 
over with paint. The Chinese must have their feet as di- 
minutive as those of the she-goats ; and to render them thus 



214 



ANECDOTES. 



their youth is passed in tortures. In ancient Persia, an 
aqualine nose was often thought worthy of the crown ; and 
if there was any contention between two princes, the peo- 
ple generally went by this criterion of majesty. In some 
countries the mothers break the noses of their children, and 
in others press the head between two boards, that it may be- 
come square. The modern Persians have a strong aversion 
to red hair ; the Turks, on the contrary, are warm admirers 
of it. The female Hottentot receives from the hand of her 
lover not silk or wreaths of flowers, but warm guts and reek- 
ing tripe, to dress herself with enviable ornaments. 

In China small round eyes are liked ; and the girls are 
continually plucking their eyebrows that they may be thin 
and long. The Turkish women dip a gold brush in the 
tincture of a black drug, which they pass over their eye- 
brows. It is too visible by day, but looks shining by night. 
They tinge their nails with a rose-colour. An African beauty 
must have small eyes, thick lips, a large flat nose, and a skin 
beautifully black. The Emperor of Monomotapa would not 
change his amiable negress for the most brilliant European 
beauty. 

An ornament for the nose appears to us perfectly unne- 
cessary. The Peruvians, however, think otherwise ; and 
they hang on it a weighty ring, the thickness of which is 
proportioned by the rank of their husbands. The custom of 
boring it, as our ladies do their ears, is very common in sev- 
eral nations. Through the perforation are hung various ma- 
terials ; such as green crystal, gold stones, a single and some- 
times a great number of gold rings. This is rather trouble- 
some to them in blowing their noses ; and the fact is, some 
have informed us that the Indian ladies never perform this 
very useful operation. 

The female headdress is carried in some countries to sin- 
gular extravagance. The Chinese fair carries on her head 
the figure of a certain bird. This bird is composed of cop- 
per or of gold, according to the quality of the person. The 
wings spread out, fall over the front of the headdress, and 
conceal the temples. The tail, long and open, forms a beau- 
tiful tuft of feathers. The beak covers the top of the nose ; 
the neck is fastened to the body of the artificial animal by a 
spring, that it may the more freely play and tremble at the 
slightest motion. 



Choice of Clovis. — Erohionalde, mayor of the palace in 
the reign of Clovis IF., bought from some pirates a girl of 



MORAL. 215 

exquisite beauty, named Bandour or Baltide, whom he af- 
terward presented to his sovereign. The monarch was so 
transported with her charms, that he thought he could not 
better grace his throne than by raising her to share it along 
with him. History does the fortunate fair one the justice 
to inform us, that while on the throne she never forgot hav- 
ing been a slave, and that after the death of Clovis, having 
taken the veil, her mind became wholly purified from any 
passion for grandeur, and she appeared almost to forget that 
she had once been a queen. 



Fortune well Told. — A young lady, a native of Mar- 
tinique and a Creole, was on her voyage to France, with the 
design of being educated there, when the merchant vessel 
on board of which she was a passenger was captured by an 
Algerine cruiser and taken into Algiers. The fair captive 
was at first overwhelmed with affliction at the prospect of 
captivity before her; but as passion gave way to meditation, 
it came to her recollection that an old negress had predicted 
that she would one day become one of the princesses in the 
world ! " Ah !" exclaimed she, for superstition was in this 
instance but the handmaid of inclination, " it is doubtless so ; 
I am to be a princess. Well, I must not quarrel with for- 
tune. Who knows what may come out of this ?" So strong 
did this prepossession grow upon the young lady, that, ere 
she reached the Barbary shore, she was as much a fatalist in 
point of resignation as any devotee of Islamism could possi- 
bly be. The French consul at Algiers immediately offered 
to ransom his countrywoman ; but no ; the fair Creole would 
not be ransomed, for fear of offending fortune by resorting 
to so vulgar a way of recovering her liberty. So to the se- 
raglio of the Dey of Algiers the lady went; and, strange in- 
deed to tell, from his highness's seraglio she was sent as a 
present to the grand seignor, who was so struck with her 
beauty and manners (for in both she was excelling) that he 
elevated her to the dignity of his favourite sultana ! Such 
was the singular rise of the late Sultana Valide, who died in 
1818, and was the mother of the present grand seignor. 



Beauty. — Let me see a female possessing the beauty of 
a meek and modest deportment ; of an eye that bespeaks in- 
telligence and purity within ; of lips that speak no guile ; let 
me see in her a kind, benevolent disposition ; a heart that 
can sympathize with distress ; and I will never ask for beauty 
that dwells in " ruby lips," or " flowing tresses," or " snowy 



216 ANECDOTES. 

hands," or the forty other et ceteras upon which our poets 
have harped for so many ages. These fade when touched 
by the hand of time ; but those ever-enduring qualities of the 
heart shall outlive the reign of time, and grow brighter and 
fresher as the ages of eternity roll away. 



ETIQUETTE. 

A Levee Accident. — A British consul at the court of 
St. Petersburg!], attending to pay his compliments on a birth- 
day, took his station as usual, waiting to be presented when 
the empress passed by. The master of the ceremonies an- 
nouncing, as the empress walked on, the names of the noble- 
men and gentlemen present, at last announced " the British 

consul, Mr. C ." The consul bowed, but unfortunately 

standing under a cut-glass chandelier, and being somewhat 
fidgety, as most Englishmen are upon great occasions, had 
got somehow or other the toupee of his bag-wig entangled 
in the wire of the drops ; so that when he bowed (and that 
he did very low) there was at least two feet between his 
bald pate and the suspended periwig, and he could not, on 
rising, get his head into dock again. The smothered laugh 
was against him, and it required all his good sense and good 
nature, when he got home, to make so unlucky a day as 
pleasant as he did most others to his amiable family. 

Victim of Etiquette. — The preposterous degree of 
etiquette for which .the court of Spain has always been re- 
markable proved the ruin of one of the most illustrious of 
Spaniards, in the person of the Duke of Ossuna. He was 
viceroy of Naples, and greatly renowned for his talents as 
a soldier and a statesman. In consequence of some calum- 
nious reports, he was called to court to give an account of 
his administration ; and on presenting himself to the king, 
being troubled with the gout and of short stature, he carried, 
for matter of convenience, his sword in his hand. His 
majesty, it seems, did not like this sword-in-hand style of 
approaching him, and, turning his back on Ossuna, left the 
room without speaking. The duke, probably unconscious 
of the cause of the king's displeasure, was much incensed at 
this treatment, and was overheard to mutter, " This comes of 
serving boys." The words being reported to his majesty, 
an order was given for Ossuna's arrest. He was committed 



MORAL. 217 

prisoner to a monastery not far from Madrid, and there he 
continued till his beard reached his girdle. Growing then 
very ill, he was permitted to go to his house at Madrid, 
where he died about the year 1622. 

Parliamentary Etiquette. — In France, under the old 
regime, there was an honourable distinction paid to the Tiers 
Etat, or commons, by the other two orders, very different 
from what takes place in Britain. When a royal session 
occurred, the commons were received by the nobles and 
clergy standing and uncovered. In parliament, when the 
king meets the lords and commons, the commons are not 
permitted to sit down, but must stand below the bar. The 
French assume to themselves the credit of being the politest 
nation in the world, and this anecdote alone may suffice to 
vindicate their title to the distinction. 



Satisfying a Coquette. — It is much harder to satisfy a 
lady of little sense in etiquette than one of discrimination, 
education, and refinement. The first knows nothing of po- 
liteness but what she has learned ; the latter penetrates every 
shade of character, and instantly appreciates real gentlemanly 
feeling, that will not stoop to vain flattering attentions in its 
manly independence, nor offer an insult to a woman of sense 
by treating her as a mere creature of whim, to whom a cer- 
tain round of unmeaning ceremonies must be paid. 

Spanish Etiquette. — The etiquette or the rules to be 
observed in the royal palaces is necessary, writes Baron 
Bielfield, for keeping order at court. In Spain it was car- 
ried to such lengths as to make martyrs of their kings. Here 
is an instance at which, in spite of the fatal consequences it 
produced, one cannot refrain from smiling. 

Philip the Third was gravely seated by the fireside ; the 
firemaker of the court had kindled so great a quantity of 
wood that the monarch was nearly suffocated with heat, and 
his grandeur would not suffer him to rise from the chair ; 
the domestics could not presume to enter the apartment, be- 
cause it was against the etiquette. At length the Marquis 
de Pota appeared, and the king ordered him to damp the 
fires ; but he excused himself, alleging that he was forbid- 
den by the etiquette to perform such a function, for which 
the Duke d'Usseda ought to be called upon, as it was his 
business. The duke was gone out, the fire burned fiercer, 
and the king endured it rather than derogate from his dig- 

Ee 10 



218 ANECDOTES. 

nity ; but his blood was heated to such a degree that an 
erysipelas of the head appeared the next day, which, suc- 
ceeded by a violent fever, carried him off in 1621, in the 
twenty-fourth year of his age. 

The palace was once on fire ; a soldier, who knew the 
king's sister was in her apartment, and must inevitably have 
been consumed in a few moments by the flames, at the risk of 
his life rushed in, and brought her highness safe out in his 
arms ; but the Spanish etiquette was here wofully broken 
into ! The loyal soldier was brought to trial, and as it was 
impossible to deny that he had entered her apartment, the 
judges condemned him to die ! The Spanish princess, how- 
ever, condescended, in consideration of the circumstance, to 
pardon the soldier, and very benevolently saved his life ! 



POLITENESS. 

When Sir William Johnson returned the salute of a negro 
who had bowed to him, he was reminded that he had done 
what was very unfashionable. " Perhaps so," said Sir Wil- 
liam, " but I would not be outdone in good manners by a 
negro." 

A similar anecdote is related of Pope Clement XIV, (Gan- 
ganelli). When he ascended the papal chair, the ambassa- 
dors of the several states represented at his court waited on 
him with their congratulations. When they were introduced 
and bowed, he returned the compliment by bowing also, on 
which the master of the ceremonies told his highness that 
he should not have returned the salute. " Oh, I beg your 
pardon," said the good pontiff; " I have not been pope long 
enough to forget good manners." 

Polite Pillaging. — When Field-marshal Fretag was 
taken prisoner at Rexpoede, the French hussar who seized 
him, perceiving that he had a valuable watch, said, " Give 
me your watch." The marshal instantly complied with the 
demand of the captor. A short time after, when he was lib- 
erated by General Walmoden, and the French hussar had 
become a prisoner in his turn, he with great unconcern pull- 
ed the marshal's watch from his pocket, and, presenting it 
to him, said, " Since fate has turned against me, take back 
this watch ; it belonged to you, and it would not be so well 



MORAL. 219 



to let others strip me of it." The marshal, pleased with the 
honesty of the hussar, bid him keep the watch in remem- 
brance of his having once had its owner for a prisoner. 



Doctor Barrow. — The celebrated Lord Rochester one 
day met Dr. Barrow in the Park, and being determined, as 
he said, to put down the rusty piece of divinity, accosted 
him by taking off his hat, and, with a profound bow, ex- 
claimed, "Doctor, I am yours to my shoe-tie." The doctor, 
perceiving his aim, returned the salute with equal ceremony, 
" My lord, I am yours to the ground." His lordship then 
made a deeper congee, and said, " Doctor, I am yours to the 
centre." Barrow replied, with the same formality, " My 
lord, I am yours to the antipodes ;" on which Rochester 
made another attempt, by exclaiming, "Doctor, I am yours 
to the lowest pit of hell." " There, my lord," said Barrow, 
u I leave you," and immediately walked away. 



MODESTY. 

Washington. — When General Washington, the immor- 
tal saviour of his country, had closed his career in the French 
and Indian war, and had become a member of the House of 
Burgesses, the speaker, Robinson, was directed, by a vote 
of the house, to return their thanks to that gentleman, on be- 
half of the colony, for the distinguished military services 
which he had rendered to his country. As soon as Wash- 
ington took his seat, Mr. Robinson, in obedience to this order, 
and following the impulse of his own generous and grateful 
heart, discharged the duty with great dignity, but with such 
warmth of colouring and strength of expression as entirely 
confounded the young hero. He rose to express his acknowl- 
edgments for the honour; but such were his trepidation 
and confusion that he could not give distinct utterance to a 
single syllable. He blushed, stammered, and trembled for 
a second ; when the speaker relieved him by a stroke of 
address that would have done honour to Louis XIV. in his 
proudest and happiest moments. " Sit down, Mr. Washing- 
ton," said he, with a conciliating smile ; " your modesty is 
equal to your valour, and that surpasses the power of any 
language that I possess." 



220 ANECDOTES. 



FEMALE CONSTANCY. 



A man in the contest for liberty in the first of the Amer- 
ican war was taken from home, and left a wife and one 
child. He was not heard of throughout the war. His 
wife hoped that after the peace he would come home, if 
alive ; therefore all temptations to marriage she rejected, 
though she had many. After eight years had gone by, and 
all hopes of her dear husband's return lost, she consented 
to give her hand in a second marriage. The guests were 
bidden, the ceremony past, and supper preparing. Hei 
little daughter happened to go into the kitchen, and there 
was a poor stranger sitting among the servants. She eyed 
him, and thought she saw some of the traits of her father in 
his countenance. She stepped in and privately told her 
mother. The bride immediately left the company to take a 
look at the stranger, but little features of her former husband 
could she see in his war-worn face. She asked him if he 
ever was in that neighbourhood before ; he told her he 
thought he had been. She asked him if he was ever in that 
house before ; he said he thought he had been. She desired 
him to tell her plainly what his name was ; he told her, and 
she found it was the husband of her youth. . She led him 
in to the company, and told them " here is my long-lost hus- 
band ;" and, after she had given sufficient vent to her joy- 
ous grief, she told the bridegroom he and she were as they 
were the day they were born, and no harm done through 
the mistaken marriage ! 



Captives before Cyrus. — Xenophon relates, that when 
an Armenian prince had been taken captive with his princess 
by Cyrus, and was asked what he would give to be restored 
to his kingdom and liberty, he replied, " As for my kingdom 
and liberty, I value them not ; but if my blood would redeem 
my princess, I would cheerfully give it for her." When 
Cyrus had liberated them both, the princess was asked, 
" What think you of Cyrus ?" To which she replied, " I did 
not observe him ; my whole attention was fixed upon the 
generous man who would have purchased my liberty with 
his life." 



Paulina. — Paulina, the wife of Seneca, being determined 
not to survive her husband, whom Nero had condemned to 
death, opened a vein in her arm, and would soon have bled 



MORAL. 221 

to death if the tyrant had not sent persons who compelled 
her to stop the blood. For the remainder of her life her 
face wore an unusual paleness ; which, says Tacitus, was 
a glorious testimony of her fidelity to her husband. 

Affecting Meeting. — In one of the mining districts of 
Hungary there lately occurred the following affecting and 
most extraordinary incident : 

In opening a communication between two mines, the corpse 
of a miner, apparently about twenty years of age, was found 
in a situation which indicated that he had perished by an 
accidental falling in of the mine. 

The body was in a state of softness and pliability, the 
features fresh and undistorted, and the whole body completely 
preserved, as is supposed, from the impregnation with the 
vitriolic water of the mine. When exposed to the air the 
body became stiff, but the features and general air were not 
decomposed. The person of the deceased was not recog- 
nised by any one present ; but an indistinct recollection of 
the accident, by which the sufferer had thus been ingulfed in 
the bowels of the earth for more than half a century, was pro- 
longed by tradition among the miners and the country people. 
Farther inquiry was here dropped, and the necessary ar- 
rangements made to inter the body with the customary riles 
of burial. At this moment, to the astonishment of all pres- 
ent, there suddenly appeared a decrepit old woman of the 
neighbouring village, who, supported by crutches, had left 
her bedridden couch, to which infirmity had for years con- 
fined her, and advanced to the scene with feelings of joy, and 
grief, and anxiety so intensely painted on her aged face as 
to give her the appearance of an inspired person, and with 
an alacrity which seemed truly miraculous. 

The old woman gazed upon the corpse for an instant, and 
sweeping the long hair from its forehead in order to obtain 
a more perfect view of its features, her countenance became, 
as it were, supernaturally lighted up ; and, in the midst of 
her hysteric cries and sobs, she declared the body to be that 
of a young man to whom she had been engaged by ties of 
mutual affection and the promise of marriage more than sixty 
years before ! In the intervals of gushing floods of tears, 
and the fainting fits of her exhausted frame, she poured out 
thanks to Heaven that she had again beheld the object of her 
earliest affections, and declared that she could now descend 
to the tomb content. The powers of life were now pros- 
trated by her agitated feelings and exertion, and she was 



222 ANECDOTES. 

borne homeward by the villagers ; but, ere she proceeded 
far from the object of her solicitude, she was in a state to 
join him. Her spirit, as if satisfied, had fled ; and the affec- 
tionate pair, whom misfortune had rent asunder, were now 
housed in one grave together. 

Galatian Widow. — Simonx, being enamoured of Cam 
ma, a lady of Galatia, assassinated her husband Sinatus, 
and then sought her hand. Camma, after having long re- 
sisted the presents and entreaties of Simorix, being at last 
apprehensive that he would have recourse to violence, pre- 
tended to give her consent to espouse him. She engaged 
him to meet her in the Temple of Diana, of which she was 
the priestess, in order to give solemnity to their union. It 
was the custom that the bride and bridegroom should drink 
out of the same cup. Camma first took the vase, in which 
she had infused a mortal poison, and, after drinking freely, 
presented it to Simorix, who, not having the slightest suspi- 
cion, drank off the remainder. Camma, transported with 
joy, instantly exclaimed, " I die happy, since my honour is 
preserved, and the murder of my husband is avenged !" 
They both expired soon after. 

Melancholy Instance of Female Constancy and 
Tenderness. — A young lady of a good family and hand- 
some fortune had for some time extremely loved, and been 
equally beloved by, Mr. James Dawson, one of those unhap- 
py gentlemen who suffered at Kennington Common for high 
treason ; and had he been acquitted, or after condemnation 
found the royal mercy, the day of his enlargement was to 
have been that of their marriage. 

I will not prolong the narrative by any repetition of what 
she suffered on sentence being passed upon him ; none ex- 
cepting those utterly incapable of feeling any soft or gener- 
ous emotions but may conceive her agonies ; besides, the 
sad catastrophe will be sufficient to convince you of their 
sincerity. Not all the persuasions of her kindred could pre- 
vent her from going to the place of execution ; she was de- 
termined to see the last of a person so dear to her, and 
accordingly followed the sledges in a hackney-coach, ac- 
companied by a gentleman nearly related to her and one 
female friend. She got near enough to see the fire kindled 
which was to consume that heart she knew so much devoted 
to her, and all the other dreadful preparations for his fate, 
without being guilty of any one of those extravagances her 



MORAL. 223 

friends had apprehended ; but when all was over, and she 
found that he was no more, she drew her head back into the 
coach, and crying out, " My dear, I follow thee ! Lord Jesus, 
receive both our souls together !" fell on the neck of her com- 
panion, and expired in the very moment she was speaking. 

Bonaparte. — Monsieur le Compte de Polignac had been 
raised to honour by Bonaparte ; but, from some unaccount- 
able motive, betrayed the trust his patron reposed in him. 
As soon as Bonaparte discovered the perfidy, he ordered 
Polignac to be put under arrest. Next day he was to have 
been tried, and, in all probability, would have been con- 
demned, as his guilt was most undoubted. In the interim, 
Madame Polignac solicited and obtained an audience of the 
emperor. " I am sorry, madam, for your sake," said he, 
"that your husband has been implicated in an affair which 
is marked throughout with such deep ingratitude." " He 
may not have been so guilty as your majesty supposes," 
said the countess. " Do you know your husband's signa- 
ture ?" asked the emperor, as he took a letter from his pocket 
and presented it to her. Madame de Polignac hastily glanced 
over the letter, recognised the writing, and fainted. As soon 
as she recovered, Bonaparte, offering her the letter, said, 
" Take it ; it is the only legal evidence against your hus- 
band ; there is a fire beside you." Madame de Polignac 
eagerly seized the important document, and in an instant 
committed it to the flames. The life of Polignac was saved ; 
his honour it was beyond the power even of the generosity 
of an emperor to redeem. 

Indian Virtue. — A married woman of the Shawanee In- 
dians made this beautiful reply to a man whom she met in 
the woods, and who implored her to love and look on him. 
" Oulman, my husband," said she, " who is for ever before 
my eyes, hinders me from seeing you or any other person." 



Female Captive. — The Portuguese making war on the 
Island of Ceylon, their general, Thomas de Susa, made 
many prisoners, among whom was a beautiful female Indian, 
who had just before promised to give her hand in marriage 
to a handsome youth of her own country. The lover, as 
soon as he heard of the unfortunate lot of his beloved mis- 
tress, hastened to throw himself at her feet, when she re- 
ceived him with open arms. Their misfortunes not permit- 
ting them to live together in the enjoyment of freedom, he 



224 ANECDOTES. 

freely took upon himself to divide with her the horrors of 
slavery. 

Susa, who had a noble heart, susceptible of the tenderest 
feelings, was much affected at this scene. " It is enough," 
said he to the generous youth, " that love loads you with 
chains ; and may you wear them to the latest period of your 
life. Go, and live happy together ; you are from this mo- 
ment free from my fetters." The two lovers threw them- 
selves at his feet, and ever afterward attached themselves to 
their generous deliverer, wishing to live under the laws of a 
nation which knew so nobly how to employ their victories. 

Chastity. — When Appius Claudius, the decemvir, be- 
came enamoured of Virginia, and her father had heard of 
his violent proceedings and intentions, he arrived at the place 
to which his daughter was removed, and demanded to see 
her; and when his request was granted, he snatched a knife 
and plunged it into Virginia's breast, exclaiming, " This is 
all, my dearest daughter, I can give thee to preserve thy 
chastity from the lust and violence of a tyrant !" However 
unjustifiable this might be, to take away the life of his child, 
it showed his great abhorrence of the act of unchastity, at 
least in his own daughter. 



The Widow and the Bishop. — A poor widow, encouraged 
by the famed generosity of an ecclesiastic of great eminence, 
came into the hall of his palace with her only daughter, a 
beautiful girl of fifteen years of age. The good divine, dis- 
cerning marks of extraordinary modesty in their demeanour, 
engaged the widow to tell her wants freely. She, blushing 
and in tears, told him she owed five crowns for rent, which 
her landlord threatened to force her to pay immediately, 
unless she would consent to the ruin of her child, who had 
been educated in virtue ; and she entreated that the prelate 
would interpose his sacred authority, till, by industry, she 
might be enabled to pay her cruel oppressor. The bishop, 
moved with admiration of the woman's virtue, bid her be of 
courage ; he immediately wrote a note, and putting it into 
the hands of the widow, said, " Go to my steward with this 
paper, and he will give you five crowns to pay your rent." 
This poor woman, after a thousand thanks to her generous 
benefactor, hastened to the steward, who immediately pre- 
sented her with fifty crowns. This she refused to accept; 
and the steward, unable to prevail on her to take it, agreed 
to return with her to his master ; who, when informed of the 



MORAL. 225 

circumstance, said, " It is true I made a mistake in writing 
fifty crowns, .and I will rectify it." On which he wrote 
another note ; and turning to the poor woman, whose honesty 
had the second time brought her before him, said, " So much 
candour and virtue deserve a recompense ; here I have or- 
dered you five hundred pounds ; what you can spare of it lay 
up as a marriage portion for your daughter." 



JEALOUSY. 

A Jealous Man is a melancholy he-cat, a wild-man, a 
staring-man ; looks behind him as if a kennel of hounds had 
him in chase. He sighs, beats his breast, and wrings his 
hands. Is his wife fair, though ever so honest, she is false. 
Is she witty ? then she is wanton. Speaks any friend to her ? 
he woos her. Smile she on him ? there is a promise. Is 
she merry at home ? it is but to mock him. Is she sad? she 
will anon be merry abroad. Is she gone far from home ? 
then his head aches and his breast pants. Stays she out 
long ? then he is hornmad, and runs bellowing like a bull 
up and down to find her. His body grows lean with fretting, 
his face pale with his fears. His goods melt away by his 
carelessness. Old age claps him on the shoulder while he 
is yet young, and his head grows white before it is old. 
His children he will not love because he suspects they are 
bastards. He is never merry at heart, never sleeps soundly ; 
never sits, but sighs ; never walks, but is distracted ; and 
dies in despair to leave her to another. 



Denon. — When Denon was travelling in Egypt, in 1798, 
with the troops across the desert from Alexandria, they met 
a young woman whose face was smeared with blood. In 
one hand she held a young infant, while the other was 
vacantly stretched out to the object that might strike or guide 
it. The curiosity of Denon and his companions was excited. 
They called their guide, who was also their interpreter. 
They approached ; and they heard the sighs of a being from 
whom the organs of tears had been torn away. Astonished, 
and desirous of an explanation, they questioned her. They 
learned that the dreadful spectacle before their eyes had 
been produced by a fit of jealousy. Its victim presumed to 
utter no murmurs, but only prayers in behalf of the innocent 
who partook her misfortune, and which was on the point of 

F F 



226 ANECDOTES. 

perishing with misery and hunger. The soldiers, struck 
with compassion, and forgetting their own wants in the 
presence of the more pressing ones of others, immediately 
gave her a part of their rations. They were bestowing part 
of the precious water which they were threatened soon 
wholly to be without themselves, when they beheld the fu- 
rious husband approach, who, feasting his eyes at a distance 
with the fruits of his vengeance, had kept his victims in sight. 
He sprang forward, snatched from the woman's hand the 
bread, the water (that last necessary of life !) which pity 
had given to misfortune. " Stop !" cried he, " she has lost 
her honour, she has wounded mine ; this child is my shame ; 
it is the son of guilt !" The soldiers resisted the attempt to 
deprive the woman of the food they had given her. His 
jealousy was irritated at seeing the object of his fury become 
that of the kindness of others. He drew a dagger, and gave 
the woman a mortal blow ; then seized the child, threw it 
into the air, and destroyed it by its fall ; afterward, with a 
stupid ferocity, he stood motionless, looking steadfastly at 
those who surrounded him, and defying their vengeance. 
M. Denon inquired if there were no prohibitory laws against 
so atrocious an abuse of authority. He was answered that 
the man had done ivrong to stab the woman, because, at the 
end of forty days, she might have been received into a house 
and fed by charity. 



MATRIMONY. 

Choice of a Husband. — An Athenian who was hesitating 
whether to give his daughter in marriage to a man of worth 
xvifti a small fortune, or to a rich man who had no other 
recommendation, went to consult Themistocles on the sub- 
ject. '' I would bestow my daughter," said Themistocles, 
" upon a man without money rather than upon money with- 



Husband and Wife. — Among some who have read 
Blackstone and more who have not, an opinion prevails that 
a husband may chastise his wife, provided the weapon be 
not thicker than his little finger. For the honour of Eng- 
land, we wish we could pronounce this opinion as legally 
erroneous as it is ungallant and barbarous. It is much to 
the credit of our descendants on the other side of the Atlan- 



MORAL. 227 

tic that they have not carried with them this relic of the 
once savage state of their forefathers. In a case which 
came before the Supreme Court of South Carolina some 
years ago, the presiding judge summed up an admirable 
view of the law of the republic on the matrimonial relation 
by quoting these lines from the " Honey Moon," which may 
be said also to contain the law of humanity on the subject : 

" The man that lays his hand upon a woman 
Save in the way of kindness, is a wretch 
Whom 'twere gross flattery to name a coward. 1 ' 

A Monster. — Dr. Franklin, with a party of his friends, 
was overtaken by bad weather on one of the West Indian 
Islands (which they had put into on a voyage to Europe), 
and took shelter in a public house kept by a foreigner. Upon 
their requesting that more wood might be brought and put 
on the fire, the inhuman brute of a landlord ordered his sickly 
wife to go out in the storm and bring it, while a young, sturdy 
negro wench stood by doing nothing ! When asked why he 
did not send the girl rather than his wife, he replied, " That 
wench is worth eighty pounds ; and if she should catch cold 
and die, it would be a great loss to me ; but, if my wife dies, 
I can get another, and perhaps money into the bargain." 

Apology for Turkish Polygamy. — Lady C was 

one day rallying the Turkish ambassador concerning its 
being permitted in the Alcoran to each Mussulman to have 
many wives. " Tis true, madam," replied the Turk, "and 
it permits it that the husband may, in several, find the vari- 
ous accomplishments which many English women like your 
ladyship singly possess." 



The Queen's Arrival. — On the sixth of September the 
princess arrived at Harwich, and on the eighth reached town. 
Her highness alighted at the garden gate of St. James's pal- 
ace, and was handed out of the coach by his majesty's broth- 
er, the Duke of York. Upon her entrance into the garden 
she sunk on her knee to the king, who in a most affectionate 
manner raising her up, saluted her, and then led her with 
his right hand into the palace, where she dined with his 
majesty, the Princess Dowager, and the Princess Augusta. 

In the evening, at nine o'clock, the marriage was celebra- 
ted with great solemnity. Just previous to the ceremonial 
the princess was observed to look more than usually thought- 
ful ; the Duchess of Ancaster took the liberty of saying some- 



228 ANECDOTES. 

thing to rally her spirits. " Ah !" replied her highness, " you 
have gone through the ceremony twice, and may think no- 
thing of it ; but to me it is too new and momentous an event 
not to fill me with apprehension." 

Bridal Tragedy. — At an Indian wedding in the Philip- 
pine Islands, the bride retired from the company in orde** to 
go down to the river to wash her feet. As she was thus em- 
ployed an alligator seized her. Her shrieks brought the 
people to the place, who saw her between the monster's 
teeth, and just drawn under the water. The bridegroom in- 
stantly plunged after, and, with his dagger in his hand, pur- 
sued the monster. After a desperate conflict he made him 
deliver up his prey, and swam to the shore with the body 
of his dead wife in his arms ! 



Marriage in Lapland. — It is death in Lapland to marry 
a maid without the consent of her parents or friends. When 
a young man has formed an attachment to a female, the 
fashion is to appoint their friends to meet to behold the two 
young parties run a race together. The maid is allowed in 
starting the advantage of a third part of the race, so that it 
is impossible, except willing of herself, that she should be 
overtaken. If the maid overrun her suiter, the matter is 
ended ; he must never have her, it being penal for the man 
to renew the motion of marriage. But if the virgin has an 
affection for him, though at first she runs hard to try the truth 
of his love, she will (without Atalanta's golden balls to re- 
tard her speed) pretend some casualty, and make a voluntary 
halt before she cometh to the mark or end of the race. 
Thus none are compelled to marry against their own wills ; 
and this is the cause that, in this poor country, the married 
people are richer in their own contentment than in other 
lands, where so many forced matches make feigned love 
and cause real unhappiness. 



Marrying Youth and Age. — Gumilla relates, in the 
History of the River Orinoco, that there is one nation which 
marries old men to girls and old women to youths, that age 
may correct the petulance of youth. For, they say, that to 
join young persons equal in youth and imprudence in wed- 
lock together is to join one fool to another. The marriage 
of young men with old women is, however, only a kind of 
apprenticeship, for after they have served for some months 
they are permitted to marry women of their own age. 



MORAL. 229 

Matrimonial Export. — In the early settlement of Vir- 
ginia, when the adventurers were principally unmarried men, 
it was deemed necessary to export such women as could be 
prevailed upon to leave England as wives for the planters. 
A letter accompanying a shipment of these matrimonial ex- 
iles, dated London, August 12, 1621, is illustrative of the 
manners of the times, and the concern then felt for the wel- 
fare of the colony and for female virtue. It is as follows : 

" We send you in a ship one widow and eleven maids. 
for wives for the people of Virginia; there hath been espe- 
cial care had in the choice of them, for there hath not one of 
them been received but upon good commendations. 

" In case they cannot be presently married, we desire that 
they may be put with several householders that have wives 
till they can be provided with husbands. There are nearly 
fifty more that are shortly to come, and are sent by our hon- 
ourable lord and treasurer, the Earl of Southampton, and cer- 
tain worthy gentlemen, who, taking into their consideration 
that the plantation can never flourish till families be planted, 
and the respect of wives and children for their people on the 
soil, therefore have given this fair beginning; for the reim- 
bursing of whose charges it is ordered that every man that 
marries them give one hundred and twenty pounds of best 
leaf tobacco for each of them. 

" Though we are desirous that the marriage be free, ac- 
cording to the laws of nature, yet we would not have those 
maids deceived and married to servants, but only to such 
freemen or tenants as have means to maintain them. We 
pray you, therefore, to be fathers of them in this business, 
not enforcing them to marry against their wills." 

African Lovers. — Among the unfortunate victims of the 
frightful traffic in slaves brought to Tripoli in 1788, were a 
beautiful black female, about sixteen years of age, and a 
young man of good appearance. They had been purchased 
by a Moorish family of distinction. They were obliged to 
be watched night and day, and all instruments kept out of 
their reach, as they were continually endeavouring to destroy 
themselves, and sometimes each other. Their story will 
prove that friendship and fidelity are not strangers to the 
negro race. This female, who had been the admiration oi 
her own country, had bestowed her heart and her hand on 
the man who was then with her. Their nuptials were going 
to be celebrated, when her friends one morning missing her, 
traced her steps to the corner of an adjacent wood, immedi- 




230 ANECDOTES. 

ately apprehending that she had been pursued, and that she 
had flown to the thicket for shelter, which is the common 
and best resource of escape from those who scour the coun- 
try for slaves. 

The parents went directly to her lover and told him of 
their distress. He, without losing time to search for her in 
the thicket, hastened to the seaside, where his foreboding 
heart told him he should find her in some vessel anchored 
there for carrying off slaves. He was just easy enough in 
his circumstances not to be afraid of being bought or stolen 
himself, as it is in general only the unprotected that are car- 
ried off by these hunters of the human race. His conjec- 
tures were just ; he saw his betrothed wife in the hands of 
those who had stolen her. He knelt to the robbers who had 
now the disposal of her, to know the price they demanded 
for her. A hundred mahboobs (nearly a hundred pounds) 
was fixed ; but, alas ! all that he was worth did not make 
him rich enough for the purchase. He did not hesitate a 
moment to sell his little flock of sheep and the small piece 
of ground he possessed ; and, lastly, he disposed of himself 
to those who had taken his companion. Happy that they 
would do him this last favour, he cheerfully accompanied 
her, and threw himself into slavery for her sake. This faith- 
ful pair, on their arrival at Tripoli, were sold to a merchant, 
who determined on sending off the female with the rest of the 
slaves, to be sold again, she having, from her beauty, cost 
too much money to be kept as a servant. The merchant 
intended to keep the man as a domestic in his own family. 
The distressed pair, on hearing they were to be separated, 
became frantic. They threw themselves on the ground be- 
fore some of the ladies of the family whom they saw pass- 
ing by ; and finding that one of them was the daughter of 
their master, they clung around her and implored her as- 
sistance ; nor could their grief be moderated until the hu- 
mane lady assured them that she would intercede with her 
father not to part them. 

The black fell at the merchant's feet and entreated him 
not to separate them, declaring that if he did he would lose 
all the money he had paid for them both ; for that, although 
knives and poison were kept out of their way, no one could 
force them to eat; and that no human means could make 
them break the oath they had already taken in the presence 
of the god they worshipped, never to live asunder. 

Tears and entreaties prevailed so far with the merchant 
as to suffer them to remain together, and they were sold to 



MORA L. 231 

the owner *of a merchant vessel, who took them with sev- 
eral others lo Constantinople. 



A LITERARY WIFE. 

"Marriage is such a rabble rout, 
That those that are out would fain get in ; 
And those that are in would fain get out." 

Chaucer. 

How delightful is it when the mind of the female is so 
happily disposed and so richly cultivated as to participate 
in the literary avocations of her husband ! It is then truly 
that the intercourse of the sexes becomes the most refined 
pleasure. What delight, for instance, must the great Bu- 
daeus have tasted, even in those works which must have 
been for others a most dreadful labour ! His wife left him 
nothing to desire. The frequent companion of his studies, 
she brought him the books he required to his desk ; she 
compared passages and transcribed quotations : the same 
genius, the same inclinations, and the same ardour for liter- 
ature eminently appeared in those two fortunate persons. 
Far from withdrawing her husband from his studies, she 
was sedulous to animate him when he languished. Ever 
at his side and ever assiduous ; ever with some useful book 
in her hand, she acknowledged herself to be a most happy 
woman. Yet she did not neglect the education of eleven 
children. She and Buda3us shared in the mutual cares they 
owed their progeny. Budaeus was not insensible of his 
singular felicity. In one of his letters he represents him- 
self as married to two ladies : one of whom gave him boys 
and girls, the other was Philosophy, who produced books. 
He says that in his first twelve years Philosophy has been 
less fruitful than Marriage ; he had produced less books than 
children ; he had laboured more corporeally than intellectual- 
ly ; but he hoped to make more books than children. " The 
soul," says he, " will be productive in its turn ; it will rise on 
the ruins of the body ; a prolific virtue is not given at the 
same time to the bodily organs and the pen." 

The wife of Barclay, author of " The Argenis," considered 
herself as the wife of a demigod. This appeared glaringly 
after his death : for Cardinal Barberini having erected a 
monument to the memory of his tutor next to the tomb of 
Barclay, Mrs. Barclay was so irritated at this that she de- 
molished his monument, brought home his bust, and declared 
that the ashes of so great a genius as her husband should 
never be placed beside so villanous a pedagogue. 



232 ANECDOTES 

Literary Men. — If the literary man unites himself to a 
woman whose taste and whose temper are adverse to his 
pursuits, he must courageously prepare for a martyrdom. 
Should a female mathematician be united to a poet, it is 
probable that she would be left to her abstractions ; to dem- 
onstrate to herself how many a specious diagram fails when 
brought into its mechanical operation ; or, while discovering 
the infinite varieties of a curve, may deduce her husband's. 
If she becomes as jealous of his books as other wives are of 
the mistresses of their husbands, she may act the virago 
even over his innocent papers. The wife of Bishop Cooper, 
while her husband was employed on his Lexicon, one day 
consigned the volume of many years to the flames, and 
obliged that scholar to begin a second siege of Troy in a 
second Lexicon. The wife of Whitelocke often destroyed 
his MSS., and the marks of her nails have come down to 
posterity in the numerous lacerations still gaping in his 
" Memorials." The learned Sir Henry Saville, who devoted 
more than half his life and near ten thousand pounds to his 
magnificent edition of St. Chrysostom, led a very uneasy 
life between that saint and Lady Saville ; what with her ten- 
derness for him and her own want of amusement, Saint 
Chrysostom incurred more than one danger. One of those 
learned scholars who translated the Scriptures kept a diary 
of his studies and his domestic calamities, for they both went 
on together; busied only among his books, his wife from 
many causes plunged him into debt; he was compelled to 
make the last sacrifice of a literary man, by disposing of his 
library. But now, he without books and she worse and 
worse in temper, discontents were of fast growth between 
them. Our man of study found his wife like the remora, a 
little fish sticking at the bottom of his ship impeding its 
progress. He desperately resolved to fly from the country 
and his wife. There is a cool entry in the diary on a warm 
proceeding one morning, wherein he expresses some curiosity 
to know the cause of his wife being out of temper ! Simpli- 
city of a patient scholar !* The present matrimonial case, 
however, terminated in unexpected happiness ; the wife, 
after having forced her husband to be deprived of his library, 
to be daily chronicling her caprices, and, finally, to take the 
serious resolution of abandoning his country, yet, living in 

* The entry may amuse. He-die, nescio qua intemperia uxorem meam agita- 
vit, nam pecuniam usadatam projecit humi, ac sic irata discessit. " This day, I 
know not the cause of the ill-temper of my wife ; when I gave her money for 
daily expenses she flung it upon the ground and departed in passion." For some, 
this Flemish picture must be too familiar to please, too minute a copy of vulgar 
life. 



MORAL. 233 

good old times, religion united them again; and as the con- 
nubial diarist ingeniously describes this second marriage of 
himself and his wife, " made it be with them as surgeons 
say it is with a fractured bone, if once well set, the stronger 
for a fracture." A new consolation for domestic ruptures ! 

Observe the errors and infirmities of the greatest men of 
genius in their matrimonial connexions. Milton carried no- 
thing of the greatness of his mind in the choice of his wives ; 
his first wife was the object of sudden fancy. He left the 
metropolis, and unexpectedly returned a married man ; uni- 
ted to a woman of such urtcongenial dispositions, that the 
romp was frightened at the literary habits of the great poet, 
found his house solitary, beat his nephews, and ran away 
after a single month's residence ! To this circumstance 
we owe his famous treatise on Divorce, and a party (by no 
means extinct) who, having made as ill choices in their wives, 
were for divorcing as fast as they had been for marrying, 
calling themselves Miltonists. When we find that Moli&re, 
so skilful in human life, married a girl from his own troop, 
who made him experience all those bitter disgusts and ridic- 
ulous embarrassments which he himself played off at the 
theatre ; that Addison's fine taste in morals and in life could 
suffer the ambition of a courtier to prevail with himself to 
seek a countess, whom he describes under the stormy char- 
acter of Oceana, who drove him contemptuously into solitude 
and shortened his days ; and that Steele, warm and thought- 
less, was united to a cold, precise " Miss Prue," as he calls 
her, and from whom he never parted without bickerings ; in 
all these cases we censure the great men, not their wives. 
Salmasius's wife was a termagant; and Christina said she 
admired his patience more than his erudition, married to 
such a shrew. 

" The ladies, perhaps, will be surprised to find that it is 
a question among the learned whether they ought to marry, 
and will think it an unaccountable property of learning that 
it should lay the professors of it under an obligation to dis- 
regard the sex. But whatever opinion these gentlemen 
may have of that amiable part of the species, it is very ques- 
tionable whether, in return for this want of complaisance in 
them, the generality of ladies would not prefer the beau and 
the man of fashion to the man of sense and learning. How- 
ever, if the latter be considered as valuable in the eyes of 
any of them, let there be Gonzagas, and I dare pronounce 
that this question will be soon determined in their favour, 
and they will find converts enough to their charms." 

G G 



234 ANECDOTES. 



WOMEN. 



Good Management of a Lady. — Pythus, king of the 
Lydians, instead of promoting the progress of real improve- 
ment and wealth, viz., the good cultivation of the soil, was so 
much wrapped up in sordid avarice as to employ a great por- 
tion of the labour of his subjects in working mines. His 
queen, wishing to reform her husband and relieve his sub- 
jects, hit on the following expedient. When he had just re- 
turned from a journey, she ordered his table to be served 
with a very splendid repast of gold and silver, wrought in 
the form of fruit ! The king in vain sought to appease his 
appetite among the sightly articles on the table ; he owned 
that gold and silver were merely ornamental, took the hint 
thus wisely suggested by his queen, and promoted the hap- 
piness of his subjects by encouragement of agriculture. 

A Wise Decision. — Eliza Ambert, a young Parisian 
lady, resolutely discarded a gentleman to whom she was to 
have been married because he ridiculed religion. Having 
given him a gentle reproof, he replied " that a man of the 
world could not be so oldfashioned as to regard God and re- 
ligion." Eliza started, but, on recovering herself, said, 
" From this moment, sir, when I discover that you do not re- 
gard religion, I cease to be yours. He who does not love 
and honour God can never love his wife constantly and sin 
cerely." 

The Scold {always despicable). — The wife of a good 
man requested her husband to prepare some fuel and make 
her a fire, for the purpose of enabling her to do some cook- 
ing which was necessary for the family. When the fire had 
got well under way, the good woman put something upon a 
bed of the coals in a pewter basin. While she was busy about 
the house the basin was melted, and its contents consumed 
in the fire. Just at that time the husband came in, and the 
woman fell to scolding him in a terrible rage for making up 
such a hot fire ; and she kept it up in such a torrent of cen- 
sure that the poor man retreated and left the house. 

As soon as he was out of the house, a daughter, who had 
been present and beheld the whole affair, said to her mother, 
" How could you scold at pa so ? you know he was not to 
blame." " Oh," said the mother, " if I had not scolded him, 
he might have censured me for being so careless about that 



MORAL. 2^5 

nice basin after I put it upon the fire. I always like to 
have the first cut at scolding; it saves me a great deal of 
mortification." 



Wife of Dryden. — The wife of Dryden one morning 
having come into his study at an unseasonable time, when he 
was intently employed in some composition, and finding her 
husband did not attend to her, exclaimed, " Mr. Dryden, you 
are always poring upon these musty books ; I wish I was 
a book, and then I should have more of your company." 
" Well, my dear," replied the poet, " when you do become 
a book, pray let it be an almanac ; for then at the end of the 
year I shall lay you quietly on the shelf, and shall be able to 
pursue my studies without interruption." 

The Wife. — It is not unfrequent that the wife mourns over 
the alienated affections of her husband, when she has made no 
effort herself to strengthen and increase his attachment. She 
thinks because he once loved that he ought always to love 
her, and she neglects those attentions which first engaged 
his heart. Many a wife is the cause of her own neglect and 
sorrow. That woman deserves not a husband's generous 
love who will not greet him with smiles as he returns from 
the labours of the day ; who will not try to chain him to his 
home by the sweet enchantment of a cheerful heart. There 
is not one of a thousand so unfeeling as to withstand such an 
influence and break away from such a home. 



The Submissive Wife. — A married woman was called 
effectually by Divine grace, and became an exemplary Chris- 
tian ; but her husband was a lover of pleasure and of sin. 
When spending an evening, as usual, with his jovial compan- 
ions at a tavern, the conversation happening to turn on the 
excellences and faults of their wives, the husband just men- 
tioned gave the highest encomiums of his wife, saying she 
was all that was excellent, only she was a d — d Methodist. 
" Notwithstanding which," said he, " such is her command 
of her temper, that were I to take you, gentlemen, home with 
me at midnight, and order her to rise and get you a supper, 
she would be all submission and cheerfulness." The com- 
pany looking upon this merely as a brag, dared him to make 
the experiment by a considerable wager. The bargain was 
made, and about midnight the company adjourned as pro- 
posed. Being admitted, " Where is your mistress ?" said 
the husband to the maidservant who sat up for him. " She 



236 ANECDOTES. 

is gone to bed, sir." " Call her up," said he. " Tell her I 
have brought some friends home with me, and desire she 
would get up and prepare them a supper." The good wo- 
man obeyed the unreasonable summons; dressed, came 
down, and received the company with perfect civility ; told 
them she happened to have some chickens ready for the 
spit, and that supper should be got as soon as possible. The 
supper was accordingly served up ; when she performed the 
honours of the table with as much cheerfulness as if she had 
expected company at a proper season. 

After supper, the guests could not refrain from expressing 
their astonishment. One of them particularly, more sober 
than the rest, thus addressed himself to the lady : " Madam," 
said he, "your civility fills us all with surprise. Our unrea- 
sonable visit is in consequence of a wager, which we have 
certainly lost. As you are a very religious person, and can- 
not approve of our conduct, give me leave to ask what can 
possibly induce you to behave with so much kindness to us ?" 
" Sir," replied she, " when I married, my husband and my- 
self were both in a carnal state. It has pleased God to call 
me out of that dangerous condition. My husband continues in 
it. I tremble for his future state. Were he to die as he is, 
he must be miserable for ever ; I think it my duty, therefore, 
to render his present existence as comfortable as possible." 

This wise and faithful reply affected the whole company. 
It left an impression of great use on the husband's mind. 
" Do you, my dear," said he, " really think I should be eter- 
nally miserable ? I thank you for the warning. By the 
grace of God, I will change my conduct." From this time 
he became another man, a serious Christian, and, conse- 
quently, a good husband. Married Christians, especially 
you who have unconverted partners, receive the admonition 
intended by this pleasing anecdote. Pray and labour for 
their conversion ; for * What knowst thou, oh wife ! wheth- 
er thou shalt save thy husband ? Or how knowst thou, oh 
man ! whether thou shalt save thy wife ?'" — 1 Cor. vii., 16. 

A hard Choice. — In the seventeenth century, the greater 
part of the property lying upon the River Ettrick belonged 
to Scott of Harden, who principally resided at Oakwood 
Tower, a border house of some strength, still remaining 
upon that river. William Scott (afterward Sir William), son 
of the head of this family, undertook an expedition against 
the Murrays of Elibank, whose property lay at a few miles 
distant. He found his enemy upon their guard, was de- 



MORAL. 237 

feated, and made prisoner in the act of driving off the cattle 
which he had collected for that purpose. Sir Gideon, the 
chief of the Murrays, conducted his prisoner to the castle, 
where his lady received him with congratulations upon his 
victory, and inquiries concerning the fate to which he des- 
tined his prisoner. " The gallows," answered Sir Gideon ; 
" to the gallows with the marauder." " Hout, na, Sir Gid- 
eon," answered the considerate matron in her vernacular 
idiom, " would you hang the winsome young Laird of Har- 
den when ye have three ill-favoured daughters to marry ?" 
" Right," answered the baron, who catched at the idea ; " he 
shall either marry our daughter, mickle-mouthed Meg, or 
strap for it." 

When this alternative was proposed to the prisoner, he at 
first stoutly preferred the gibbet to " mickle-mouthed Meg," 
for such was the nickname of the young lady, whose real 
name was Agnes. But at length, when he was actually led 
forth to execution and saw no other chance of escape, he 
retracted his ungallant resolution, and preferred the typical 
noose of matrimony to the literal cord of hemp. It may 
be necessary to add that " mickle-mouthed Meg" and her 
husband were a happy and loving pair, and had a very large 
family, to each of whom Sir William Scott bequeathed good 
estates, besides reserving a large one for the eldest. 

Singular Alternative. — It was formerly a law in Ger- 
many that a female condemned to capital punishment would 
be saved if any man would marry her. A young girl at Vi- 
enna was on the point of being executed, when her youth 
and beauty made a great impression upon the heart of one 
of the spectators, who was a Neapolitan, a middle-aged man, 
but excessively ugly. Struck with her charms, he deter- 
mined to save her, and, running immediately to the place of 
execution, declared his intention to marry the girl, and de- 
manded her pardon according to the custom of the country. 
The pardon was granted on condition that the girl was not 
averse to the match. The Neapolitan then gallantly told 
the female that he was a gentleman of some property, and 
that he wished he was a king, that he might offer her a 
more stronger proof of his attachment. " Alas ! sir," replied 
the girl, " I am fully sensible of your affection and generos- 
ity, but I am not mistress of my own heart, and I cannot 
belie my sentiments. Unfortunately, they control my fate ; 
and I prefer the death with which I am threatened to marry- 
ing such an ugly fellow as you are !" The Neapolitan re- 



238 ANECDOTES. 

tired in confusion, and the woman directed the executioner 
to do his office. 



Gipsy Equivoque. — Some young ladies who had been 
taking a walk were accosted by a gipsy woman, who, for a 
small reward, very politely offered to show them their hus- 
bands' faces in a pool of water that stood near. Such an of- 
fer was too good to be refused, and, on paying the stipulated 
sum, the ladies hastened to the water, each in anxious ex- 
pectation of getting a glance of her " beloved ;" but, lo ! in- 
stead of beholding the " form and face" they so fondly an- 
ticipated, they were surprised to see their own rosy cheeks 
and sparkling eyes glancing up from below. " Sure you 
are mistaken, woman," exclaimed one of them, " for we see 
nothing but our own faces in the water." "Very true, 
mem," replied the sagacious fortune-teller, " but these will 
be your husbands' faces when you are married." 

Mrs. Howard. — The philanthropic Howard was blessed 
with a wife of singularly congenial disposition. On settling 
his accounts one year he found a balance in his favour, 
and proposed to his wife to spend the money on a visit to 
the metropolis for her gratification. "What a beautiful cot- 
tage for a poor family might be built with that money," was 
the benevolent reply. The hint was immediately taken, and 
the worthy couple enjoyed the greatest of all gratifications, 
the satisfaction of having done good for its own sake. 

Mrs. Sheridan. — Lady Lucan was heard to say a very 
neat thing to Mrs. Sheridan : " You must certainly be a very 
happy woman, madam, who have the felicity of pleasing the 
man that pleases all the world." 



French Farmer's Wife. — The farmer's wife, fermiere 
(says M. de Cubieres), bestows her attention and her daily 
cares on whatever is connected with the administration of 
the farm. She inspects the dovecote, the farmyard, the 
stalls, the dairy, the orchard, &c. She sells the vegetables, 
the fruit, the produce of the dairy, the ewes and their fleeces ; 
to her is intrusted the gathering of hemp and flax, with the 
first operations these plants undergo ; in the southern coun- 
tries she has also under her management the important busi- 
ness of rearing silkworms and the sales of their produce. 

She knows how to excite workmen to their labour; to the 
lazy she gives a new life by friendly remonstrances ; and, at 



MORAL. 239 

the same time, she supports by her praises the zeal of the 
most laborious. 

She knows how to inspire awe by a studied silence, and 
to ensure obedience by the mildness of command ; she ren- 
ders all her labourers faithful by bestowing on them a due 
share of her confidence. 

It is she who presides daily at the preparation of their 
food ; in their sickness she attends them with natural care ; 
on the days of rest she excites them to rural sports. 

In short, surrounded by her labourers, by her husband, by 
her children, who form her principal riches, she enjoys that 
felicity which springs from benevolence ; she is happy in 
the happiness she confers on others ; and that large family, 
free from fear, from cupidity, from ambition, leads a happy 
and peaceful life. 



Alpine Farmers. — The farmers of the Upper Alps, 
though by no means wealthy, live like lords in their houses, 
while the heaviest portion of agricultural labour devolves on 
the wife. It is no uncommon thing to see a woman yoked 
to the plough along with an ass, while the husband guides 
it. A farmer of the Upper Alps accounts it an act of po- 
liteness to lend his wife to a neighbour who is too much op- 
pressed with work ; and the neighbour, in his turn, lends his 
wife for a few days' work whenever the favour is requested. 

Secret Well Kept. — It was originally customary for the 
senators of Rome to take their sons along with them into 
the senate. On one occasion, Papyrius Praetextatus having 
accompanied his father thither, heard an affair of great im- 
portance discussed, the determination of which was deferred 
till the following day, the strictest injunctions being given 
that in the mean time no one should divulge a syllable of the 
matter in hand. When young Papyrius went home, his 
mother asked him " what the fathers had done that day in 
the senate." He answered " that it was a secret which he 
could not disclose." The curiosity of the lady was only the 
more stimulated by this denial, and she pressed the boy so 
hard, that, to get rid of her importunity, he was driven to 
make use of the following pleasant fiction. " It was," saith 
he, " debated in the senate, which would be more advan- 
tageous to the commonwealth, that one man should have two 
wives, or that one woman should have two husbands ?" 
The lady, wonderfully stirred by this singular piece of in- 
formation, instantly left the house and told what she had dis- 



240 ANECDOTES. 

covered to a number of ladies, among whom the projected 
change in their condition was discussed with no small de- 
gree of vehemence and alarm. • 

Having so deep an interest in the decision of the question, 
they thought it but right that the senate should know their 
feelings respecting it; and next day, accordingly, they went 
in a body, and, surrounding the doors of the senate, cried out 
with vast clamour, " That rather than one man should marry 
two women, one woman should marry two men." The 
senators were in great astonishment at this strange cry, and 
sent out to know what the women meant. On this young 
Papyrius stepped forth, and told them what his mother had 
desired to know, and how he had contrived to answer her. 
The senators were much amused with the youth's explana- 
tion ; and after sending away the women with an assurance 
that nothing was at present intended *o be done in the affair 
to which they alluded, they marked their sense of young 
Papyrius's wit and secrecy by passing an order that, in fu- 
ture, no son of a senator should be admitted to their meet- 
ings, Papyrius excepted. 

Female Depravity. — It is reported of the intriguing 
Countess of Shrewsbury, that, disguised as a page, she held 
the Duke of Villars's horse during his combat with her hus- 
band, who was slain on the 16th of April, 1688, and after- 
ward slept with her paramour in the shirt stained with her 
husband's blood. What consummate depravity ! 

Matthew Henry. — The following is an extract from 
Henry's Commentary on the Bible : 

"Adam was first formed, and then Eve, and she was 
made of the man and for the man ; all which are urged as 
reasons for the humility, modesty, silence, and submissive- 
ness of that sex in general, and particularly the subjection 
and reverence which wives owe to their husbands. Yet man 
being made last of the creation, as the best and most excel- 
lent of all, Eve's being made after Adam and out of him, 
puts an honour to her sex as the glory of the man. If man 
is the head, she is the crown ; a crown to her husband, the 
crown of the visible creation. The man was dust refined, 
but the woman was dust double refined, one remove farthei 
from the earth. 

" Woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam ; 
not made out of his head to top him, nor out of his feet to 
be trampled upon by him ; but out of his side, to be equal 



MORAL. 241 

with him ; under his arm, to be protected ; and near his heart, 
to be beloved." 



Temper. — A bad temper in a woman poisons all her hap 
piness, and turns her milk to gall, blights her youth, brings 
on premature fretful old age, palls all her enjoyments, ban- 
ishes her friends, and renders home comfortless and barren. 
Far different is the ripe, rich harvest-home made bright and 
happy by the sweet temper and mild deportment of an amia- 
ble wife, who, if afflictions cross her husband abroad, finds 
comfort and consolation in his home, is happy in a compan- 
ion whose temper is like the silver surface of a lake, calm, 
serene, and unruffled. If he is rich, his admiring friends re- 
joice in his prosperity and delight in his hospitality, because 
all around him is light, airy, and sunshine. If he is poor, 
he breaks his crust in peace and thankfulness, for it is not 
steeped in the water of bitterness. An amiable temper is a 
jewel of inestimable value in the sum of earthly happiness, 
because with that alone the whims of a cross husband may 
be subdued ; many vices may be overcome ; the boisterous 
may be tamed, the unruly conquered, the fretful tranquilled, 
the hurricane softened and hushed, as the mild zephyr that 
sweeps over the honeysuckle under the casement. 

Rash Vow. — The widow of Sir Walter Long, of Dray- 
cot, in Wiltshire, made her husband a solemn promise when 
he was on his deathbed that she would not marry after his 
decease ; but he had not long been interred when Sir Ste- 
phen Fox gained her affections, and she married him. The 
nuptial ceremony was performed at South Wraxall, where 
the picture of Sir Walter happened to hang over the parlour 
door. As Sir Stephen was leading his bride by the hand 
into the parlour after returning from church, the picture of 
Sir Walter Long, the late husband of his bride, which hung 
over the parlour door, fell on her shoulder, and, being painted 
on wood, broke in the fall. This accident was considered 
by the bride as a providential warning, reminding her of her 
promise, and imbittered the remainder of her days. 



tr 

Female Influence. — A remarkable instance of the in- 
fluence of the female sex over minds little likely to be swayed 
by it occurred in the case of John Banier, an Sieve of the 
great Gustavus Adolphus, and one of the greatest generals 
Europe ever produced. This brave man owed much of his 
glory to his first wife, and tarnished it by his second. While 

H h 11 



242 ANECDOTE . 

the wife whom he brought from Sweden lived, he was sue 
cessful in every undertaking ; she accompanied him in every 
campaign, and was always found to console and cheer him 
in every danger and difficulty, and to urge him onward wher- 
ever glory was to be gained. After her death Banier be- 
came smitten with a lovely young German princess, whom 
he married ; this circumstance proved the grave of all his 
military fame, for she soon rendered him as effeminate as 
herself; and six weeks after his marriage he died of grief 
at having tarnished his fame as a general by a gross neglect 
of his military duties. 

Arabian Respect to Women. — So great and so sacred 
is the respect of the Bedouin Arabs for the fair sex, that the 
presence, the voice even, of a woman can arrest the uplifted 
cimiter when charged with death, and bid it fall harmless. 
Whoever has committed a crime, even murder, is safe if a 
woman takes him under her protection ; and the right of par- 
doning is so completely established in favour of the sex, that, 
in some tribes where they never appear before men, and in 
others where they are occupied in the tents, if a criminal 
can escape to their tent he is saved. The moment he is 
near enough to be heard he cries aloud, " I am under the 
protection of the harem !" At these words all the women 
reply, without appearing, " Fly from him !" and were he 
condemned to death by the prince himself and by the coun- 
cil of the principal persons of his tribe, the punishment of 
his crime is remitted without hesitation immediately, and he 
is allowed to go where he pleases. 



Gossips. — Women are often accused of gossiping, but 
we are not aware that it has ever been the subject of legal 
penalties except at St. Helena, where, among the ordinances 
promulgated in 1709, we find the following: "Whereas, 
several idle, gossiping women make it their business to go 
from house to house about this island inventing and spread- 
ing false and scandalous reports of the good people thereof, 
and thereby sow discord and debate among neighbours, and 
often between men and thtir wives, to the great grief and 
trouble of all good people, and to the utter extinguishing of 
all friendship, amity, and good neighbourhood ; for the pun- 
ishment and suppression whereof, and to the intent that all 
strife may be ended, charity revived, and friendship contin- 
ued, we do order that if any women from henceforth shall 
be convicted of tale-bearing, mischief-making, scolding, or 



RELIGIOUS. 243 

any other notorious vices, they shall be punished by ducking 
or whipping, qr such other punishment as their crimes or 
transgressions shall deserve, or the governor and council 
shall think fit." 



CHRISTIANITY. 

The Character of Jesus Christ by an Infidel. — 
f For their rock is not as our rock, even our enemies them- 
ielves being judges" " He called himself the Son of God ; 
who among mortals dare to say he was not ? He always 
displayed virtue ; he always spoke according to the dictates 
of reason ; he always preached up wisdom ; he sincerely 
loved all men, and wished to do good even to his persecu- 
tors ; he developed all the principles of moral equality and 
of the purest patriotism ; he met danger undismayed ; he 
described the hard-heartedness of the rich ; he attacked the 
pride of kings ; he dared to resist, even in the face of ty- 
rants ; he despised glory and fortune ; he was sober ; he 
solaced the indigent ; he taught the unfortunate how to suf- 
fer ; he sustained weakness ; he fortified decay ; he con- 
soled misfortune ; he knew how to shed tears with those that 
wept ; he taught men to subjugate their passions, to think, 
to reflect, to love one another, and to live happily together ; 
he was hated by the powerful, whom he offended by his 
teaching ; and persecuted by the wicked, whom he unmask- 
ed ; and he died under the indignation of the blind and de- 
ceived multitude for whose good he had always lived." 

If such was the testimony of the French atheist Legui- 
nia, surely the true Christian is at no loss to enlarge the ad- 
mirable portraiture. 

Witnesses to the Dignity and Glory of the Sav- 
iour. — The Heavens gave witness ; a new star passed 
through the sky at his incarnation, and at his crucifixion for 
three hours the sun was extinguished. 

The Winds and Seas gave witness ; when at his word the 
furious tempest was hushed, and the rough billows smoothed 
into a great calm, at the same word the inhabitants of the 
waters crowded round the ship, and filled the net of the as- 
tonished and worshipping disciples. 

The Earth gave witness. At his death and at his resur- 
rection it trembled to its centre. 



244 ANECDOTES. 

Diseases gave witness. Fevers were rebuked ; issues of 
blood were stanched ; the blind saw their deliverer ; the deaf 
heard his voice ; the dumb published his glory ; the sick of 
the palsy were made whole ; and the lepers were cleansed at 
his bidding. 

The Grave gave witness when Lazarus came forth in the 
garb of its dominion, and when many bodies of the saints 
which slept arose. 

The Invisible World gave witness. Devils acknowledg- 
ed his divinity, and flew from his presence to the abodes of 
misery. Angels ministered unto him in the desert, the gar- 
den, and the tomb. Yea, a multitude sang an anthem in the 
air, in the hearing of the sheperds ; and as our risen Lord 
ascended up to glory, they accompanied him with the sound 
of a trumpet and shouts of triumph. 

Oh, yes, he is, as the apostle affirms, " The great God, even 
our Saviour." 



The Burden of the New Song. — The following ex- 
tract is from Phillips's new work, entitled, " Redemption, or 
the New Song in Heaven." 

" The hallelujah chorus" of the new song is the atone- 
ment of the Lamb of God for the redemption of the soul. 
Hence it is not the life, but the death of Christ ; not his ex- 
ample, but his sacrifice ; not his ministry, but his mediation, 
that form the burden of this " song of songs." Not only do 
all around the eternal throne sing nothing of their own good 
works or great sufferings while they were on earth ; they 
celebrate none of the Saviour's good works or virtues, but 
confine the song of salvation exclusively and entirely to " the 
blood of the Lamb." 

This fact demands and deserves your utmost attention. I 
do not, of course, mean to insinuate that either saints or 
angels in heaven overlook the life of the Saviour. They can- 
not, they would not if they might, forget that perfect model 
of the beauty of holiness ; and they know its merits too well 
not to admire it as the express moral image of God. But 
still it is the Saviour's death, not his life ; his blood, not his 
obedience, that kindles their adoring wonder, and calls forth 
their pealing hosannahs of gratitude. Now if there be any- 
thing self-evident from revelation to reason, it is, that what- 
ever is done in heaven under the eye and sanction of God, 
must be the " will of God." And it is equally obvious that 
the ^rand intention of religion is, that his will should "be 
done on earth as it is done in heaven." Now as all in heav- 



RELIGIOUS. 245 

en ascribe salvation wholly to the blood of the Lamb, it is 
self-evident that all on earth who refuse to do so are direct- 
ly opposing the will of God, and thus demonstrably wrong 
and rebellious. 



Christianity the Best System of Morals. — Chris- 
tianity is the best system for raising the standard of morals 
and promoting the happiness of a government. The French, 
after making the boldest experiment in profaneness ever made 
by a nation in casting off its God, and who, for a time, seri 
ously deliberated whether there should be any god at all; 
who, after stamping on the yoke of Christ, attempted to es- 
tablish order on the basis of a wild and profligate philosophy, 
was obliged at length to bid an orator tell the abused multi- 
tude that, under a philosophical religion, every social bond 
was broken in pieces ; and that Christianity, or something 
like it, must be re-established to preserve any degree of or 
der or decency. 



No Substitute for Christianity. — Infidels should nev- 
er talk of our giving up Christianity till they can propose 
something superior to it. Lord Chesterfield's answer, there- 
fore, to an infidel lady was very just. When at Brussels 
he was invited by Voltaire to sup with him and with Ma- 
dame C. The conversation happening to turn upon the af- 
fairs of England, " I think, my lord," said Madame C, " that 
the parliament of England consists of five or six hundred of 
the best informed men in the kingdom." " True, madame, 
they are generally supposed to be so." " What, then, my 
lord, can be the reason they tolerate so great an absurdity 
as the Christian religion ?" " I suppose, madame," replied 
his lordship, " it is because they have not been able to sub- 
stitute anything better in its stead ; when they can, I don't 
doubt but in their wisdom they will readily adopt it." 

" The religion of Jesus," says Bishop Taylor, " trampled 
over the philosophy of the world, the arguments of the sub- 
tle, the discourses of the eloquent, the power of princes, the 
interest of states, the inclination of nature, the blindness of 
zeal, the force of custom, the solicitation of passions, the 
pleasure of sin, and the busy arts of the devil." 

Sir Isaac Newton set out in life a clamorous infidel ; but, 
on a nice examination of the evidences for Christianity, he 
found reason to change his opinion. When the celebrated 
Dr. Edmund Halley was talking infidelity before him, Sir 
Isaac addressed him in these or the like words : " Dr. Hal- 






246 ANECDOTES. 

ley, I am always glad to hear you when you speak about 
astronomy or other parts of the mathematics, because that 
is a subject you have studied and well understand ; but you 
should not talk of Christianity, for you have not studied it. 
I have, and am certain that you know nothing of the matter." 
This was a just reproof, and one that would be very suitable 
to be given to half the infidels of the present day, for they 
often speak of what they have never studied, and what, in 
fact, they are entirely ignorant of. Dr. Johnson, therefore, 
well observed, that no honest man could be a Deist, for no 
man could be so after a fair examination of the proofs of 
Christianity. On the name of Hume being mentioned to 
him, " No, sir," said he ; " Hume owned to a clergyman in 
the bishopric of Durham that he had never read the New 
Testament with attention." 



Comfort of Religion. — " I recollect, when I was a very 
small boy, but six years old, my father, who loved true re- 
ligion, and who used every Sabbath afternoon, from five to 
eight o'clock, to travel round the suburbs of Dublin, and visit 
the sick and distressed, asked me if I would walk with him 
to see a very old woman. We went into a remote part of 
the city, and I followed him into an upper chamber, where 
I was struck at the sight of an old lady lying on a pallet of 
straw ; there was no bed, no chair, no table in the room ! 
The moment my father entered she appeared to receive him 
with joy. I said to my father, ' 'Tis strange ; she appears to 
be quite happy !' I inquired, ' Dear mother, you are very old ; 
what makes you so happy ? You appear to be very poor, 
and have no one to attend you. What have you to eat ?' ' I 
have,' said she, ' this crust, which has been lying by me these 
two days, and I am very happy ; for, my child, / love Jesus* 
I have religion ; my Jesus is with me here, lonely and for- 
saken as I appear ! He makes my crust pleasant and my 
drop of water delightful ; and I was that moment thinking 
of this text, " I will be a father to the fatherless and a hus- 
band to the widow." And God has sent your father to my 
relief.' Here my heart was touched ; I was affected. Here 
was this poor woman without an earthly friend, and naught 
but religion to comfort her ; religion, the daughter of Para- 
dise, that supports suffering humanity in this vale of tears ; 
religion made her rich ; it was her friend." 

Sir John Mason. — Sir John Mason, privy counsellor to 
Henry VIII., upon his deathbed delivered himself to those 



RELIGIOUS. 217 

about him to this purport : " I have seen five princes, and 
have been privy counsellor to four. I have seen the most 
remarkable things in foreign parts, and been present at most 
state transactions for thirty years together, and have learned 
this, after so many years experience, that seriousness is the 
greatest wisdom, temperance the best physician, and a good 
conscience the best estate ; and, were I to live my time over 
again, I would change the court for a cloister ; my privy 
counsellor's bustles for a hermit's retirement ; and the whole 
life I have lived in this palace for one hour's enjoyment of 
God in the chapel ; all things else forsake me besides my 
God, my duty, my prayer." 



The Brand plucked out of the Fire. — A plain coun- 
tryman, who was effectually called by Divine grace under a 
sermon from Zechariah, ch. iii., ver. 2, was some time after- 
ward accosted by a quondam companion of his drunken fits, 
and strongly solicited to accompany him to the alehouse. 
But the good man strongly resisted all his arguments, saying, 
" I am a brand plucked out of the fire." His old companion 
not understanding this, he explained it thus : " Look ye," said 
he ; " there is a difference between a brand and a green stick : 
if a spark flies upon a brand that has been partly burned, it 
will soon catch fire again ; but it is not so with a green stick. 
I tell you I am that brand plucked out of the fire, and I dare 
not enter into the way of temptation for fear of being set on 
fire again." Let us imitate the conduct of this good man 
in keeping out of the way of danger ; thus shall we enjoy 
peace and preserve a conscience void of offence. 



No Religion. — In the neighbourhood of Dea. Haven, 
near St. Catharine's, U. C, an Indian some years since re- 
turned from a hunting tour very much fatigued and hungry. 
Being a young convert and a member of the Methodist con- 
nexion, he sought for one of his society, hoping to obtain 
something to eat. But not finding any of his own society, 
he became weary, and thought the inhabitants might have 
some kind of religion that would lead them to feed the 
hungry. So, after he had entered a house, and the man told 
him he was not a Methodist, he asked, " And what kind of 
religion have you got?" The man replied, " No religion." 
The Indian inquired as though he must have misunderstood 
him. " What ! no religion ?" The man again replied, " Yes, 
no religion." Then the Indian looked very sorry, and as he 
withdrew towards the door he exclaimed with astonishment, 



248 ANECDOTES. 

" llien you be just like my dog ! He no religion neither." 
Reader ! hast thou any religion ? — M. Star. 

The Rock of Calvary.— In Fleming's Christology it is 
stated that a Deist, visiting the sacred places of Palestine, 
was shown the clefts of Mount Calvary. Examining them 
narrowly and critically, he turned in amazement to his fel- 
low-travellers and said, " I have long been a student of na- 
ture, and I am sure these clefts and rents in this rock were 
never made by nature or an ordinary earthquake ; for, by 
such a concussion, the rock must have split according to the 
veins, and where it was weakest in the adhesion of parts ; 
for this," said he, " I have observed to have been done in 
other rocks when separated or broken after an earthquake ; 
and reason tells me it must always be so. But it is quite 
otherwise here ; for the rock is split athwart and across the 
veins in a most strange and preternatural manner ; and there- 
fore," said he, " I thank God that I came hither to see the 
standing monument of a miraculous power by which God 
gives evidence to this day of the divinity of Christ." 

Argument of a Jew against Idolatry.- — " Some Ro- 
man senators examined the Jews in this manner : ' If God 
had no delight in the worship of idols, why did he not de- 
stroy them V The Jews made answer, ' If men had wor- 
shipped only things of which the world had had no need, he 
would have destroyed the objects of their worship ; but they 
also worship the sun and moon, stars and planets ; and then 
he must have destroyed his world for the sake of these de- 
luded men.' ' But still,' said the Romans, * why does not 
God destroy the things which the world does not want, and 
leave those things which the world cannot be without V ' Be- 
cause,' replied the Jews, ' this would strengthen the hands 
of such as worship these necessary things, who would say, 
Ye allow now that these are gods, since they are not de- 
stroyed.' " 

The Jew's Messiah. — A person travelling some time ago 
in a stagecoach with a Jew, who appeared more intelligent 
and communicative than most he had ever met with before, 
conversed with him very freely about the opinions of the 
modern Jews. Among other things, he asked him " in what 
light he viewed his expected Messiah." To which the Jew 
replied, with great seriousness, " / think so highly of him 
that I commit my eternal all into his hands, and depend upon 
him for everlasting lifer 



RELIGIOUS. 249 

Secretary Walsingham. — When Walsingham, a secre- 
tary of state in the reign of Queen Elizabeth, arrived at old 
age, he retired to the country to end his days in privacy. 
Some of his former gay companions came one day to see 
him, and rallied him as being melancholy ; his answer de- 
serves serious consideration : " No, I am not melancholy, 
but I am serious ; and it is very proper that we should be so. 
Ah ! my friends, while we laugh everything is serious about 
us. God is serious, who exercises patience towards us. 
Christ is serious, who shed his atoning blood for us. The 
Holy Ghost is serious in striving against the obstinacy ol 
our hearts. The Holy Scriptures are serious books ; they 
present to our thoughts the most serious concerns in all the 
world. The holy sacraments represent very serious and 
awful matters. The whole creation is serious. All in 
heaven are serious. All who are in hell are serious. How, 
then, can we be gay and trifling ?" 

At another time this great man wrote to Lord Burleigh ; 
" We have lived long enough to our country, to our fortunes, 
and to our sovereign ; it is high time that we begin to live 
for ourselves and to God." 



Remote Cause of the Reformation. — By those who 
are curious in tracing the remote causes of great events, 
Michael Angelo may perhaps be found, though unexpectedly, 
to have laid the first stone of the reformation. His mon- 
ument to Julius II. demanded a building of corresponding 
magnificence, and the church of St. Peter was erected. To 
prosecute the undertaking, money was wanted ; and indul- 
gences were sold to supply the deficiency of the treasury. 
A monk of Saxony opposed the authority of the church ; 
and it is singular that the means which were employed to 
raise the most splendid edifice to the Catholic faith which 
the world has ever seen, should at the same time have 
shaken that religion to its foundation. 

Benefit of Religion. — Some time ago a soldier was 
brought under a concern for the interest of his soul ; and 
becoming visibly religious, met with no little railing both 
from his comrades and officers : he was the servant of one 
of the latter. At length his master asked him, " Richard, 
what good has your religion done you ?" The soldier made 
this direct answer. " Sir, before I was religious I used to 
get drunk ; now I am sober. I used to neglect your busi- 
ness ; now I perform it diligently." The officer was silenced 

I i 



250 ANECDOTES. 

and seemed satisfied. Here we see the excellence of real 
religion ; it teaches us to deny all ungodliness, and to live 
soberly, righteously, and godly in this present world. Hon- 
esty, diligence, sobriety, quietness, are among its fruits. 
Its ways are ways of pleasantness and paths of peace. 

Excellent Advice. — Think of your sins in connexion 
with your Saviour; of your trials in connexion with your 
supports ; of your duties in connexion with the promises ; 
of your privations in connexion with your enjoyments ; of 
your attainments in connexion with your privileges. — Pollok. 

Liberality of Sentiment. — Kindness, liberality of sen- 
timent, candour, charity, are expressions now exceedingly 
perverted. They become a sanctuary in which the unprin- 
cipled, the erroneous, and the careless too often take refuge. 
But let it be remembered that " that candour which regards 
all sentiments alike, and considers no error as destructive, 
is no virtue. It is the offspring of ignorance, of insensibility, 
and of cold indifference. The blind do not perceive the 
difference of colours ; the dead never dispute ; ice, as it con- 
geals, aggregates all bodies within its reach, however hete- 
rogeneous their quality. Every virtue has certain bounds, 
and when it exceeds them it becomes a vice ; for the last 
step of a virtue and the first step of a vice are contiguous. 
But, surely, it is no wildness of candour that leads us to 
give the liberty we take, that suffers a man to think for him- 
self unawed, and that concludes he may be a follower of 
God, though he follows not with us." 

Dr. H , bishop of W , had observed among his 

hearers a poor man remarkably attentive, and made him 
some little presents. After a while he missed his humble 
auditor, and, meeting him, said, " John, how is it that I do 
not see you in this aisle as usual ?" John with some hesi- 
tation replied, " My lord, I hope you will not be offended, 
and I will tell you the truth. I went the other day to hear 
the Methodists ; and I understand their plain words so much 
better, that I have attended them ever since." The bishop 
put his hand into his pocket and gave him a guinea, with 
words to this effect : " God bless you ! and go where you can 
receive the greatest profit to your soul." 

The Happy Man. — The happy man was born in the city 
of Regeneration, in the parish of Repentance unto Life, and 
educated at the school of Obedience, and now lives in the 



RELIGIOUS. 251 

town of Perseverance. He works at the trade of diligence, 
and does many jobs of self-denial. Notwithstanding he has 
a large estate in the county of Christian Contentment, he 
wears the plain garment of humility, but has a better suit to 
put on when he goes to court, clad in the robe of Christ's 
righteousness. 

He often walks in the Valley of Self-abasement, and some- 
times climbs the Mount of Spiritual-mindedness. He break- 
fasts every morning on spiritual prayer, and sups every even- 
ing on the same ; also has meat to eat which the world 
knows not of; his drink is the sincere milk of the word 
of God. He has gospel submission in his conduct, due 
order in his affections, sound peace in his conscience, sanc- 
tifying love in his soul, real divinity in his breast, true hu- 
mility in his heart, the Redeemer's yoke on his neck, the 
world under his feet, and a crown of glory over his head. 

In order to obtain this, he prays fervently, believes firmly, 
waits patiently, works abundantly, lives holy, dies daily, 
watches his heart, guards his senses, redeems his time, loves 
Christ, and longs for glory. 

" Thus happy he lives and happy he dies, 
And rises id triumph above the bright skies." 



Mr. Summerfield. — It is said of the late Mr. Summer- 
field, that being asked by a bishop where he was born, he 
replied, " I was born in England, and born again in Ireland." 
" What do you mean ?" inquired the bishop. " Art thou a 
master in Israel, and knowst not these things ?" was the 
reply. 

A Clergyman's Life. — To a person who regretted to the 
celebrated Dr. Johnson that he had not been a clergyman, 
because he considered the life of a clergyman an easy and 
comfortable one, the doctor made this memorable reply : 
" The life of a conscientious clergyman is not easy. I have 
always considered a clergyman as the father of a larger fam- 
ily than he is able to maintain. No, sir, I do not envy a 
clergyman's life as an easy life ; nor do I envy the clergy- 
man who makes it an easy life." 



Experience. — For a Christian to go back to past experi- 
ences for refreshment to his soul is as vain as for a natural 
man to depend upon the food he received last year to sustain 
him in the present. Daily supplies of grace are as useful 
for the soul's support in the divine life as a daily supply of 
food is for the body. 



252 ANECDOTES. 

The Divine Approbation. — Let a man studiously labour 
to cultivate and improve his abilities in the eye of his Ma- 
ker and with the prospect of his approbation. Let him en- 
tirely reflect on the infinite value of that approbation, and 
the highest encomiums that man can bestow will vanish into 
nothing at the comparison. When we live in this manner, 
we find that we live for a great and glorious end. 

Is there a Hell ? — A pious minister of respectable tal- 
ents, now in the Methodist connexion, was formerly a 
preacher among the Universalists. The incident which led 
him seriously to examine the grounds of that doctrine is stri- 
king and singular. He was amusing his little son by telling 
him the story of the " Children in the Wood." The boy 
asked, " What became of the little innocent children ?" 
"They went to heaven," replied the father. "What be- 
came of the wicked old uncle ?" " He went to heaven too." 
" Won't he kill them again, father ?" said the boy. 

A Pertinent Question. — A gentleman on Long Island 
brought forward his strong argument against the Bible ; de- 
claring in the face of all present, " I am seventy years of 
age, and have never seen such a place as hell after all that 
has been said about it." His little grandson, of about seven 
years of age, who was all the while listening to the conver- 
sation, asked him, " Grand-daddy, have you ever been dead 
yet ?" There the conversation ended, at least for that time. 

Eternity. — How sad it is that an eternity so solemn and 
so near us should impress us so slightly and should be so 
much forgotten ! A truly Christian traveller (how rare the 
character !) tells us that he saw the following religious ad- 
monition on the subject of eternity printed on a folio sheet, 
and hanging in a public room of an inn in Savoy ; and it was 
placed, he understood, in every house in the parish : " Un- 
derstand well the force of the words — a God, a moment, an 
eternity. A God who sees thee, a moment which flies from 
thee, an eternity which awaits thee. A God whom you 
serve so ill, a moment of which you so little profit, an eterni- 
ty which you hazard so rashly." 

A religious man, skilled in all literature, was so ardently 
bent to impress eternity on his mind, that he read over care- 
fully seven times a treatise on eternity, and had done it oft- 
ener had not speedier death summoned him into it. 

Awful as the consideration of eternity is, it is a source of 



RELIGION. 253 

great consolation to the righteous. An eminent minister, 
after having been silent in company a considerable time, and 
being asked the reason, signified that the powers of his mind 
had been solemnly absorbed with the thought of everlasting 
happiness. " Oh, my friends," said he, with an energy that 
surprised all present, " consider what it is to be for ever with 
the Lord — for ever, for ever, for ever !" 



ON THE BIBLE. 

Hints to Skeptics. — The Scriptures must be what they 
profess, the revealed will of the Creator, or blasphemous 
fables. Let those who disbelieve them unveil the impos- 
ture and convince the world of the delusion. Divesting 
their cause of all insinuation, sophistry, and ridicule, let 
them, with calm, benevolent arguments, scatter the mists 
which the Sacred Writings have so long spread upon the 
earth; and after they have chased away every shade of 
error, let them enlighten the world with information more 
just and irresistible respecting their Maker and themselves. 
Let them discover a Deity more pure, wise, powerful, and 
gracious; account for the origin and connexion of created 
beings with greater probability ; and show us, on more con- 
sistent principles, why we are placed in this mysterious state 
of existence. 

Let them publish laws more calculated to civilize and 
govern society, sanctioned with more powerful and rational 
motives. Let them vindicate the ways of God to man, and 
direct those who u drag guilt's" horrid chain " to certain 
peace." When all these glorious ends are effected ; when 
the rays have, with meridian lustre, diffused the cheering 
views through " every nation, and kindred, and tongue ;" 
when kings on thrones and slaves at the oar are made free 
from perplexity and sorrow by the force of their arguments, 
let them add one glorious discovery more ; unveil futurity ; 
show us life and immortality, or show us that " death is no- 
thing, and nothing is after death." Disarm that monster of 
his sting ; bruise him beneath our feet ; convince us we are 
not the captives of this " king of terrors." 

Here, ye lovers of the human race ! here unfold the as- 
tonishing benevolence of your designs ; place yourselves as 
in the centre of the sun, " best image here below of his Cre- 
ator," and, with the rays he " pours wide from world to 



254 ANECDOTES. 

world," contemplate myriads of beings shivering on the 
verge of a dark futurity ; see the tremendous misgivings of 
their minds ; and let the sight move you to tears more gen- 
uine than those shed over a devoted city. Proclaim to a 
'listening world the wondrous theme. Let every ear hear, 
every heart understand, that " death is swallowed up in vic- 
tory." When this is done, the gospel of Jesus Christ will 
disappear as stars before the rising sun. Truth and peace 
will spread over the earth. The advocates for revelation 
will no longer perplex the world with their foolishness ; they 
will become your witnesses ; they will publish your glad ti- 
dings to the ends of the earth ; they will not count their lives 
dear unto them, if by any means they may spread truths so 
full of consolation to their fellow-creatures. They wait, 
then, for this pleasing system ; but till it is clearly known, 
till it is attended with undeniable evidence, they must cleave 
to Moses and the prophets, to Christ and his apostles ; they 
must make known their sentiments with zeal proportioned 
to the greatness of their views and the opposition they en- 
gage. 

Neglect of the Bible. — A person in Birmingham, who 
lived in neglect of the worship of God and of reading his 
word, was on a Lord's day sitting at the fire with his family. 
He said he thought he would read a chapter in the Bible, 
not having read one for a long time ; but, alas ! he was dis- 
appointed — it was too late ; for, in the very act of reaching 
it from the shelf, he sunk down and immediately expired ! 
Reader, while it is called " to-day," resolutely begin to read 
the Holy Scriptures. 

Attachment to the Bible. — One thing which evident- 
ly distinguishes the Christian from other characters is his 
attachment to the Bible. Some have been ready to part 
with all rather than with the Scriptures. We read of one 
that gave a load of hay for only a leaf of one of the Epis 
ties. The famous Boyle, who died 30th December, 1691, 
said, speaking of the Scriptures, " I prefer a sprig of the 
tree of life to a whole wood of bay." Judge Hale, that or- 
nament of his profession and country, said that " if he did 
not honour God's word by reading a portion of it every morn- 
ing, things went not well with him all the day." Robert, 
king of Sicily, said, " The holy books are dearer to me than 
my kingdom ; and were I under any necessity of leaving 
either, ii should bo my diadem." IVL De Rentz, a French 



RELIGIOUS. 255 

nobleman, used to read three chapters a day, with his head 
uncovered and on his bended knees. Even the haughty 
Louis XIV. sometimes read his Bible, and considered it as the 
finest of all books. And such is the love of every Christian 
to the sacred volume, that they esteem it, as Job says, " more 
than their necessary food." 



The Devil Outwitted. — A poor woman in Montreal re- 
ceived a Bible from the British agent in that city. A Ro- 
mish priest, hearing of the circumstance, made a visit, in- 
tending to deprive her of the precious gift. He offered her 
five dollars for the Bible. She declined taking it. He then 
offered her ten, and afterward fifteen dollars ; she still de- 
clining, he left her. The next day he returned and offered 
her twenty-five dollars. She accepted the offer, and with 
the money purchased twenty-five Bibles, which she dis- 
tributed among her destitute neighbours under such condi- 
tions that the priest could not obtain them. 

THE BIBLE AN OBSCURE BOOK. 
" Read and revere the sacred page ; a page 
Which not the whole creation could produce, 
Which not the conflagration shall destroy, 
In nature's ruins not one letter lost." 

Young. 

A lady of suspected chastity, and who was tinctured with 
infidel principles, conversing with a minister of the gospel, 
objected to the Scriptures on account of their obscurity and 
the great difficulty of understanding them. The minister 
wisely and smartly replied, " Why, madam, what can be 
easier to understand than the seventh commandment, ' Thou 
shalt not commit adultery V " 

Mr. Locke. — Mr. Locke, justly esteemed one of the 
greatest, masters of reason, being asked a little before his 
dissolution " what was the shortest and surest way for a 
young gentleman to attain a true knowledge of the Christian 
religion, in the full and just extent of it," made this memo- 
rable reply : " Let him study the Holy Scriptures, especially 
the New Testament. Therein are contained the words of 
eternal life. It has God for its author, salvation for its end, 
and truth, without any mixture of error, for its matter." 

In another place he says, " The only way to attain a cer- 
tain knowledge of the Christian religion, in its full extent 
and purity, is the study of the Holy Scriptures." 



256 ANECDOTES. 

Dr. Johnson. — A young gentleman, to whom the late 
Dr. Johnson was godfather, called to see him a very short 
time before his death. In the course of conversation, the 
doctor asked him what books he read; the young man re- 
plied, " The books, sir, which you have given me." Dr. 
Johnson, summoning up all his strength, and with a piercing 
eye fixed upon the youth, exclaimed, with the utmost energy, 
" Sam, Sam, read the Bible : all the books that are worth 
reading have their foundation and their merits there." 

The Bible the best Book. — A society of gentlemen, 
most of whom had enjoyed a liberal education, and were 
persons of polished manners, but had unhappily imbibed in- 
fidel principles, used to assemble at each other's houses for 
the purpose of ridiculing the Scriptures and hardening one 
another in their unbelief. At last they unanimously formed 
a resolution solemnly to burn the Bible, and so- to be troubled 
no more with a book which was hostile to their principles 
and disquieting to their consciences. The day fixed upon 
arrived ; a large fire was prepared ; a Bible was laid on the 
table, and a flowing bowl ready to drink its dirge. For the 
execution of their plan, they fixed upon a young gentleman 
of high birth, brilliant vivacity, and elegance of manners. 
He undertook the task, and, after a few enlivening glasses, 
amid the applauses of his jovial compeers, he approached 
the table, took up the Bible, and was walking leisurely for- 
ward to put it into the fire ; but, happening to give it a look, 
all at once he was seized with trembling ; paleness over- 
spread his countenance, and he seemed convulsed. He re- 
turned to the table, and laying down the Bible, said, with a 
strong asseveration, " We will not burn that book till we get 
a better." 

Soon after this the same gay and lively young gentleman 
died, and on his deathbed was led to true repentance, de- 
riving unshaken hopes of forgiveness and of future blessed- 
ness from that book he was once going to burn. He found 
it, indeed, the best book, not only for a living, but a " dying 
hour." 



Infidel Prophecies. — Voltaire said " he was living in 
the twilight of Christianity ;" so he was ; but it was the twi- 
light of the morning. 

Tom Paine, on his return from France, sitting in the City 
Hotel in Broadway, surrounded by many of our leading men, 
who came to do him homage, predicted that " in five years 



RELIGIOUS. 257 

there would not be a Bible in America." What would his 
spirit feel could it now enter the depository of the Ameri- 
can Bible Society ? 



Thomas Paine. — One very warm evening, about twenty 
years ago, passing the house where Thomas boarded, the low- 
er window was open, and seeing him sitting close by, and be- 
ing on speakable terms, I stepped in for half an hour's chat; 
seven or eight of his friends were also present, whose doubts 
and his own he was labouring to remove by a long talk about 
the story of Joshua commanding the sun and moon to stand 
still, &c, and concluded by denouncing the Bible as the 
worst of books, and that it had occasioned more mischief 
and bloodshed than any book ever printed, and was believed 
only by fools and designing knaves, &c. Here he paused, 
and while he was replenishing his tumbler with his favourite 
brandy and water, a person, who, I afterward found, was an 
intruder, like myself, asked Mr. Paine if he ever was in 
Scotland. The answer was, " Yes." " So have I been," 
continues the speaker ; " and the Scotch are the greatest 
bigots with the Bible I ever met ; it is their schoolbook ; their 
houses and churches are furnished with Bibles, and if they 
travel but a few miles from home, their Bible is always their 
companion ; yet," continued the speaker, " in no country 
where I have travelled have I seen the people so comfortable 
and happy; their poor are not in such abject poverty as I 
have seen in other countries ; by their bigoted custom of go- 
ing to church on Sundays they save the wages which they 
earn through the week, which, in other countries that I have 
visited, is generally spent by mechanics and other young men 
in taverns and frolics on Sundays ; and of all the foreigners 
who land on our shores, none are so much sought after for 
servants, and to fill places where trust is reposed, as the 
Scotch ; you rarely find them in taverns, the watchhouse, 
almshouse, bridewell, or state prison. Now," says he, " if 
the Bible is so bad a book, those who use it most would be 
the worst of people ; but the reverse is the case." This was 
a sort of argument Paine was not prepared to answer, and a 
historical fact which could not be denied ; so, without say- 
ing a word, he lifted a candle from the table and walked up 
stairs ; his disciples slipped out one by one, and left the 
speaker and T. to enjoy the scene. — N. Y. Spec. 



Stage Anecdote. — In a stagecoach passing between 
Washington and Baltimore, a young man, who seemed to 



258 ANECDOTES. 

imagine that all the world was in the dark with respect to 
religious matters, and himself in the light, was advancing 
some of his infidel opinions, which were severally rebutted 
by an aged minister. As a last subterfuge, he declared that, 
even though he was ever so much disposed to follow the 
Scriptures, he had no evidence of their being true. 

" I believe," said the minister, " from your conversation, 
that you are acquainted with mathematics ?" " Partially," 
was the reply. " Well, then, can you solve me such a prob- 
lem ?" repeating one of Euclid's. " No." " Do you believe 
it can be done?" "Yes." " On what ground do you be- 
lieve this, seeing you cannot do it yourself?" " Because it 
is stated in Euclid's Elements." " Then you will believe 
what is stated in Euclid, but will not believe what is stated 
in the Bible, although backed by tradition !" The youth ac- 
knowledged the justness of the logic, and said no more. 

Legacy. — Dr. Harris, in all his wills, always renewed this 
legacy : " Item, I bequeath to all my children, and to my 
children's children, to each of them, a Bible, with this inscrip- 
tion, ' None but Christ.' " A noble legacy, truly ! If parents 
were to leave such a boon as this to all their children, with 
an earnest request that they should constantly read and study 
it, it might, under the Divine blessing, be the means of en- 
riching them more than if they left them thousands of gold 
and silver. 



An Irish child who had attended a Sabbath school being 
commanded by the priest a short time ago to burn his Bible, 
reluctantly complied ; but at the same time said, " I thank 
God that you can't take from me the twenty chapters that I 
have in my mind." — English paper. 



Lending the Bible. — A Bible was lent to a blacksmith 
who was known to be a bad husband and father, and addict- 
ed to drinking and other vices. It was recommended to him 
as an interesting volume, and he was advised to read it at- 
tentively during the long winter evenings. At first he treat- 
ed it with contempt ; but having spent an evening in reading 
it, " It is not," said he, " after all, so bad a book as some say. 
A man may learn from it how God created the world." For 
several evenings he continued to read, and was so much in- 
terested in the contents of the book that he absolutely for- 
got to resort to his favourite haunts. At this time his wife 
says of him, ' : I often observe that he is silent and lost in 



RELIGIOUS. 259 

thougnt : he is now diligent at his work, speaks more mild- 
ly and kindly than formerly, and does not get drunk /" 

What is Truth ? — Fafher Fulgentio, the friend and bi- 
ographer of the celebrated Paul Sarpi, both of them secret 
friends of the progress of religious reformation, was once 
preaching upon Pilate's question, " What is truth V He told 
the audience that he had at last, after many searches, found 
it out ; and holding forth a New Testament, said, " Here it 
is, my friends ;" but added sorrowfully, as he returned it to his 
pocket, u it is a sealed book." It has since been the glory 
of the reformation to break the seal which priestly craft had 
imposed upon it, and to lay its blessed treasures open to the 
universal participation of mankind. 

Translation of the Scriptures. — When Queen Eliz- 
abeth opened the prisons at her coming to the crown, one 
piously told her that there were yet some good men left in 
the prison undelivered, and desired they might also partake 
of her princely favour ; meaning the four Evangelists, and 
Paul, who had been denied to walk abroad in the English 
tongue when her sister Mary swayed the sceptre. To this 
she answered, " They should be asked whether they were 
willing to have their liberty ;" which soon after appearing, 
they had, says an old divine, their jail delivery, and have ever 
since had their liberty to speak to us in our own tongue at 
the assemblies of our public worship ; yea, and to visit us 
in our private houses also. 

Our English translation of the Bible was made in the 
time and by the appointment of James the First. Accord- 
ing to Fuller, the number of translators amounted to forty 
seven. Every one of the company was to translate the 
whole parcel, and compare all together. These good and 
learned men entered on their work in the spring of 1607, 
and three years elapsed before the translation was finished. 

Bugenhagius assisted Luther in the translation of the 
Bible into German, and kept the day on which it was finished 
annually a festival with his friends, calling it "The Feast of 
the Translation of the Bible ;" and it certainly deserves a 
red letter more than half the saints in the calendar. 

Soon after Tindale's New Testament was published a 
royal proclamation was issued to prohibit the buying and 
reading such translation or translations. But this served to 
increase the public curiosity, and to occasion a more careful 
reading of what was deemed so obnoxious. One step taken 



260 ANECDOTES. 

by the Bishop of London afforded some merriment to the 
Protestants. His lordship thought that the best way to pre- 
vent these English New Testaments from circulation would 
be to buy up the whole impression, and therefore employed 
a Mr. Packington, who secretly favoured the reformation, 
then at Antwerp, for this purpose ; assuring him, at the same 
time, that, cost what they would, he would have them, and 
burn them at Paul's Cross. Upon this Packington applied 
himself to Tindale (who was then at Antwerp), and upon 
agreement the bishop had the books, Packington great 
thanks, and Tindale all the money. This enabled Tindale 
instantly to publish a new and more correct edition, so that 
they came over thick and threefold into England, which oc- 
casioned great rage in the disappointed bishop and his popish 
friends. One Constantine being soon after apprehended by 
Sir Thomas More, and being asked how Tindale and others 
subsisted abroad, readily answered, " That it was the Bishop 
of London who had been their chief supporter, for he be- 
stowed a great deal of money upon them in the purchase of 
New Testaments to burn them ; and that upon the cash 
they had subsisted till the sale of the second edition was 
received." 

The following incident respecting the venerable Bede is 
worthy of remembrance. One of the last things he did was 
the translating of St. John's Gospel into English. When 
death seized on him, one of his devout scholars, whom he 
used as his secretary or amanuensis, said to him, " My be- 
loved master, there yet remains one sentence unwritten." 
" Write it, then, quickly," replied Bede ; and, summoning all 
his spirits together (like the last blaze of a candle going 
out), he indited it and expired. 

The Bible its own Apologist. — A man in Upper Can- 
ada, who was in the habit of taking an interest in the moral 
improvement of his neighbourhood, one day inquired of a 
poor Irishman by the name of Joe whether he could read 
the Bible if he should give him one. " No," said Joe, " but 
my wife can." " Well," replied the man, " I will give you 
one on condition that your wife reads to you three chapters 
a day when you are at home to hear them." Upon these 
conditions Joe took the Bible, and the man heard no more 
of it till about four weeks afterward, when Joe, having an 
errand in the neighbourhood, brought with him a square 
which he had stolen some time before, and giving it up to its 
former owner, said, " There, that is yours. I have kept it 



RELIGIOUS. 



261 



some time, but can keep it no longer, because I have got a 
Bible which tells me not to steal." The Word's influence, 
thus begun, continued to increase, till now he is a member 
of a Christian church, rejoicing in hope of the glory of God. 
A book which thus exposes and counteracts the vicious 
propensities of man, and reclaims him to a life of holiness, 
furnishes the best kind of evidence of its Divine origin. No 
system of mere human ethics has ever been found adequate 
thus to reform the vicious. But the word of God has done 
it in innumerable instances. Such facts afford encourage- 
ment to aid in circulating the Bible. — Vermont Telegraph. 



Anecdote of an Old Woman and a Shepherd's Boy. 
— The late celebrated Robinson, of Cambridge, once said, 
" We had in our congregation a poor aged widow, who could 
neither read the Scriptures nor live without hearing them 
read, so much instruction and pleasure did she derive from 
the oracles of God. She lived in a lone place, and the 
family where she lodged could not read ; but there was one 
more cottage near, and in it a little boy, a shepherd's son, 
who could read ; but he, full of play, was not fond of reading 
the Bible. Necessity is the mother of invention. The 
good old widow determined to rise one hour sooner in the 
morning in order to spin one halfpenny more, to be expended 
in hiring the shepherd's boy to read to her every evening a 
chapter, to which he readily agreed. This little advantage 
made her content in her cottage, and even say, ' The lines are 
fallen unto me in pleasant places.' You little boys, learn to 
read," added the preacher, " and read the Scriptures to com- 
fort the old people about you." 

This little anecdote teaches us the value of the Heaven- 
inspired book to the happy subject of true piety ; and also 
proves that in the giddy years of boyism we may contribute 
to the happiness of our fellow-creatures, and smooth the 
rugged path of tottering age. 



The Bible easily Understood. — There is no book 
which may be more easily comprehended than the Bible. 
It may be asked, Why do so many read it without deriving 
any benefit ? The fault rests not with the Bible ; it is 
wholly with the reader. 

The written word is a pointed arrow aimed by God him- 
self at the heart of man ; but the reason it is not felt, and 
understood, and remembered, is because the natural man is 
not willing to attain this knowledge : sufficient light is given 



262 ANECDOTES. 

him, but he wilfully shuts his eyes. There is no veil cast 
over the Bible, but Satan and himself have cast a veil over 
his understanding ; and his heart is so filled with the vanities 
of the world as to leave no room for the reception of heav- 
enly things. Now it may be firmly asserted, that any per- 
son regarding the Bible with reverence as the word of God, 
and reading it with an humble and teachable disposition, 
holding its contents as sacred truths, and sincerely desirous 
to impress them on his mind, may without difficulty com- 
prehend what he reads. 

Can we doubt of God's assistance in this holy study ? 
Will not this knowledge, like all other, be progressive ? It 
may at first be compared to the feeble glimmering of dawn, 
which, though but one faint streak, is nevertheless a cer- 
tain presage of the meridian sun. 

Let any man shut this book altogether ; never enter a 
church-door, where its truths and precepts are explained ; 
nor even into the company and conversation of those who 
frame their lives by this book ; and I will tell him he is 
hastening to the land of unalieviated sorrows. On the other 
hand, let him read this book for edification to learn the way 
to heaven ; let him carefully attend upon the preaching of 
the gospel ; converse and hold sweet counsel with the ex- 
cellent ones of the earth, and imitate their example ; and I 
will tell him he is not far from the kingdom of heaven. 
God never did and never will withhold his blessing and the 
influences of the Spirit from those who diligently seek him. 
— Irving. 



Short Rules for the Study of the Bible. — Many 
humble Christians need some plain directions as to the way 
in which they should read the Scriptures. For the benefit 
of such, the following rules are drawn up with the sincere 
prayer that they may be blessed of God to the spiritual good 
of such as may read them. 

1 . Read the Bible as the word of God. — Never forget, 
when you have this sacred volume before you, that it is a 
voice from heaven, a Divinely-inspired standard. Let its 
precepts, and doctrines, and promises, and threatenings be 
received by faith, with solemn awe as a Divine testimony. 
Romans x., 17 ; Isaiah lxix., 2; Psalm cxix., 161 ; 1 Thes- 
salonians ii., 13; John v., 9. 

2. Ash the assistance of the Holy Ghost in all your read- 
"i'- — The author of the Bible can make it plain and render 

H useful. No teacher, no learned exposition can avail so 



RELIGIOUS. 263 

much. Psalm cxix., 18, 27, 99; 1 John ii., 27; John xiv., 
26; vi.,45; xvi., 13; Isaiah liv., 13; 1 Corinthians ii., 10. 

3. Mingle faith with the truth read. — Just so far as you 
believe are you profited. Truth is the food of faith. By 
the revelation of God faith is increased. Hebrews iv., 2, 
xi., 6; 2 Thessalonians ii., 12; James i., 21. 

4. Submit your understanding to the wisdom of the om- 
niscient God. — Where you find mysteries, bow in humble 
adoration. Where you find difficulties after study, pass on, 
and ask light from above. 1 Corinthians i., 25 ; Psalm 
xciv., 9, 10; Job xi., 7, 8. 

5. Submit your will to the precepts of God. — Obey what 
he commands. Practise what you learn. Turn all into 
love. " Knowledge puffeth up, but charity edifieth" (build- 
eth up). 1 Corinthians xiii., 2; James i., 22. 

6. Compare Scripture with Scripture. — Especially with 
what goes before and after, in view of all the circumstances. 
Many a difficult passage becomes easy upon comparing it 
with like passages in other parts of Scripture. 1 Corin- 
thians ii., 13. 

7. Read the Bible daily. — It is as necessary to your soul 
as food is to your body. Much of its profit depends on its 
being received at stated times and in fair proportion. No 
professor of religion can grow in grace who neglects this 
rule. Deuteronomy vi., 6-9, John v., 39; Acts xvii., 11. 

8. Read the Bible in course. — At least have one daily 
portion of time for this regular perusal of Scripture. Those 
who read at random are sure to remain in ignorance of large 
parts. Ezra vii. ; Proverbs xxx., 5; 2 Timothy iii., 16; 
Revelations xxii., 19 ; Proverbs ii., 4. 

9. Refer to the Bible frequently. — Do this to clear your 
mind from doubts, or to comfort your mind from sorrow, 
or to show you what is duty in times of perplexity. Psalm 
cxix., 45, 155 ; Proverbs vi., 23. 

10. Meditate on what you read, — This is as needful to 
the spirit as the digestion of food is to the body. If you 
have carefully read a passage in the morning, you can turn 
it over in your mind during your daily employments. And 
what you read in the evening may be sweetly called to mind 
while you lie wakeful on your bed. Psalm cxix., 48, 97, 
148 ; Deuteronomy vi., 6-9; Psalm i., 2. 

1 1 . Commit some portion of Scripture to memory every 
day. — The times when we most need the support of the 
Scriptures is when we are shut out from our books ; as, for 
instance, when we are travelling, or visiting, or lying on a 



264 ANECDOTES. 

bed of sickness. Psalm cxix., 11; xl., 8; Proverbs iii., 
3 ; Colossians iii-, 16; Deuteronomy vi., 8, 9. 



FAITHFUL MINISTERS. 

Latimer. — Old Bishop Latimer, it is said, in a coarse 
frieze gown, trudged afoot, his Testament hanging at one end 
of his leathern girdle and his spectacles at the other, and, 
without ceremony, instructed the people in rustic style from a 
hollow tree ; while the courtly Ridley, in satin and fur, taught 
the same principles in the cathedral of the metropolis. 

> 

Burnet. — It is said of Bishop Burnet that he was ex- 
tremely laborious in his episcopal office. Every summer he 
made a tour, for six weeks or two months, through some dis- 
trict of his diocess, daily preaching, and confirming from 
church to church ; so as in the compass of three years, be- 
sides his triennial visitation, to go through all the principal 
livings in his diocess. 

It is a favourable circumstance when bishops are dis- 
posed to countenance those clergyman who are determined 
to be active and diligent in promoting the welfare of their 
parishioners. Not long since, at a visitation in Ireland, the 
name of Mr. Shaw, a pious and useful clergyman, was men- 
tioned. " What !" said a clergyman, " what ! mad Shaw /" 
The bishop answered, " Sir, if Mr. Shaw is mad, I wish he 
may bite all the clergy in my diocess." 

Perseverance. — A pious minister, conceiving that all 
his labours among the people of his charge were wholly in 
vain, was so extremely grieved and dejected that he deter- 
mined to leave his flock and to preach his farewell sermon ; 
but he was suddenly struck with the words, Luke x., 6, 
11 And if the Son of peace be there, your peace shall rest 
upon it ; if not, it shall turn to you again." He felt as if his 
Lord and Master had addressed him thus : " Ungrateful ser- 
vant, art thou not satisfied with my promise that my de- 
spised peace shall return to you again ? Go on, then, to 
proclaim peace." Which accordingly he did with renewed 
vigour and zeal. 



Mr. Hervey. — The late Mr. Hervey's method of instruct- 
ing young people was such, that while it afforded profit to 
ihem, it was a means of reproof to others- 






RELIGIOUS. 265 

Some of his parishioners having Iain in bed on a Sunday 
morning longer than he approved, and others having been busy 
in foddering their cattle when he was coming to church, and 
several having frequented the alehouse, he thus catechised 
one of the children before the congregation. " Repeat me 
the fourth commandment. Now, little man, do you under- 
stand the meaning of this commandment ?" " Yes, sir." 
" Then, if you do, you will be able to answer me these ques- 
tions : Do those keep holy the Sabbath-day who lay in bed 
till eight or nine o'clock in the morning, instead of rising to 
say their prayers and read the Bible ?" " No, sir." " Do 
those keep the Sabbath who fodder their cattle when other 
people are going to church ?" " No, sir." " Does God Al- 
mighty bless such people as go to alehouses, and don't 
mind the instruction of their ministers ?" " No, sir." 
" Don't those who love God read the Bible to their families, 
particularly on Sunday evenings, and have prayers every 
morning and night in their houses ?" " Yes, sir." A great 
many such pertinent and familiar questions he would fre- 
quently ask, in the most engaging manner, on every part of 
the catechism, as he thought most conducive to the im- 
provement and edification of his parish. 

A Profitable Rebuke. — A godly minister of the gospel 
occasionally visiting a gay person, was introduced to a room 
near to that in which she dressed. After waiting some 
hours, the lady came in and found him in tears. She in- 
quired the reason of his weeping. He replied, " Madam, I 
weep on reflecting that you spend so many hours before 
your glass and in adorning your person, while I spend so 
few hours before my God and in adorning my soul." The 
rebuke struck her conscience. She lived and died a monu- 
ment of grace. 



A Contrast. — The day previous to the sitting of parlia- 
ment, the Duke of Rothes died. When he saw his danger, 
he sent for some of his lady's ministers ; for it seems that 
his own ministers might do to live with, but not to die with. 
Accordingly, Mr. John Carstairs and Mr. George Johnson 
visited him, and used great freedom in speaking to him. 
To whom he said, " We all thought little of what that good 
did in excommunicating us, but I find that sentence binding 
upon me now, and it will bind to all eternity." While Mr. 
Johnson was praying with him, several noblemen and bish- 
ops were in the next room ; one of them said to the bishops, 

Ll 12 



266 ANECDOTES. 

" That is a Presbyterian minister that is praying: the devil 
a one of you could pray as they do, though your prayers 
should keep a soul out of hell." Duke Hamilton answered, 
" We banish these men from us, and yet, when we come to 
die, we cannot do without them : this is melancholy work !" 

Scorners Rebuked. — Whitfield being informed that 
some lawyers had come to hear him by way of sport, took 
for his text these words : " And there came a certain lawyer 
to our Lord." Designedly he read, " And there came cer- 
tain lawyers to our — I am wrong, ' a certain lawyer,' I was 
almost certain that I was wrong. It is a wonder to see one 
lawyer ; but what a wonder if there had been more than 
one !" The theme of the sermon corresponded with its 
commencement ; and those who came to laugh went away 
edified. 



Sincerity. — La Bruyere is strong in his commendation 
of Father Seraphin, an apostolical preacher. The first time, 
he says, that he preached before Louis XIV., he said to this 
monarch, " Sire, I am not ignorant of the custom according 
to the prescription of which I should pay you a compliment. 
This I hope your majesty will dispense with ; for I have 
been searching for a compliment in the Scriptures, and, un- 
happily, I have not found one." 

Contrast. — Carracciolo, a celebrated Italian preacher, 
once exercised his talents before the pope on the luxury 
and licentiousness which then prevailed at court. " Fy on 
St. Peter! fy on St. Paul !" exclaimed he, "who, having it 
in their power to live as voluptuously as the pope and the 
cardinals, chose rather to mortify their lives with fasts, with 
watchings, and labours." 

Eternity. — It was a question asked of the brethren, 
both in the classical and provincial meetings of ministers, 
twice in the year, if they preached the duties of the times. 
And when it was found that Mr. Leighton did not, he was 
censured for this omission, but said, " If all the brethren 
have preached to the times, may not one poor brother be 
suffered to preach on eternity ?" 

Encouragement to Preachers. — The late Rev. Mr. 
Warrow, of Manchester, a little before his death, was com- 
plaining to some of his people that he had not been the in- 



RELIGIOUS. 20? 

strument of calling one soul to the knowledge of the truth 
for the last eight years of his ministry. He preached two 
sermons after this before the Lord called him to himself; 
and soon after his death between twenty and thirty persons 
proposed themselves as church members who had been 
called under Mr. W.'s last two sermons. Let not ministers 
think their work is done while they can preach another ser- 
mon or speak another word. 

Mr. Magee, D.D. — A few years ago, when George IV. 
visited Ireland, he remained some time in Dublin, its capital. 
As it was expected that he would attend Divine service, an 
eminent clergyman was appointed to preach before him. 
When the time approached the clergyman fell sick, and it 
became necessary to appoint another to perform that duty. 
Dr. Magee, author of a work on the Atonement, being in 
Dublin, was solicited to preach before his majesty. He ac- 
cepted the invitation. The doctor was a warm, zealous 
churchman, of enlightened views, and liberal, evangelical 
sentiments. When the Sabbath came he read the prayers, 
ascended the pulpit, and gave out the following text, Acts 
xvi., 31 : " Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt 
be saved, and thy house." In this discourse he expatiated 
on the necessity of repentance, faith, and holiness. The 
command to believe, the object of faith (the Lord Jesus 
Christ), the character of Him on whom we are called to be- 
lieve, the importance of doing so for our own safety and as 
an example to others, but particularly our own house ; with 
the individual, local, and national advantages of religion, 
were all eloquently and honestly presented to his majesty 
and his court present on the occasion. After he had held 
forth the doctrine of justification by faith, he powerfully in- 
sisted on a change of heart, without which it was impossible 
for any individual to arrive at heaven. His boldness and 
earnestness surprised and alarmed the courtiers of his ma- 
jesty, who had not been accustomed to such plain dealing. 
All were looking for a reproof from the sovereign for the 
boldness of the preacher ; but though his sermon was a sub- 
ject of general conversation, his majesty alone retained a 
total silence respecting it, never alluding to the circumstance 
for several months. During this time the Archbishop of 
Armagh, primate of Ireland, died, and the Right Reverend 
Lord John Beresford, archbishop of Dublin, was appointed 
to succeed him. The see of Dublin being in the gift of the 
crown, a list of candidates were, nominated to his majesty. 



268 ANECDOTES. 

for each of whom powerful interest was made. Dr. Magee, 
not being a favourite on account of his religious sentiments, 
was neglected. When his majesty proceeded to make the 
appointment, he inquired the name of the faithful, able, and 
eloquent preacher who had delivered a discourse before him 
in Dublin. He was told it was Dr. Magee. " Then," said 
he, " the man that fears not to preach the whole truth before 
his king shall be honoured, and Dr. Magee shall be Arch- 
bishop of Dublin." After saying this he took his pen and 
filled the blank in the deed of gift with Dr. Magee. 

President Davies. — "This great divine, originally a 
poor boy of Hanover, Va., but for his extraordinary talents 
and piety early advanced to the professorship of Princeton 
College, crossed the Atlantic to solicit means of completing 
that noble institution. His fame as a man of God had ar- 
rived there long before him. He was, of course, speedily 
invited up to the pulpit. From a soul at once blazing with 
gospel light and burning with divine love, his style of 
speaking was so strikingly superior to that of the cold ser- 
mon-readers of the British metropolis, that the town was 
presently running after him. There was no getting into the 
churches where he was to preach. The coaches of the no- 
bility stood in glittering ranks around the long-neglected 
walls of Zion ; and even George the Third, with his royal 
consort, borne away by the holy epidemic, became humble 
hearers of the American orator. Blessed with a clear, glassy 
voice, sweet as the notes of the harmonican, and loud as the 
battle-kindling trumpet, he poured forth the pious ardour of 
his soul with such force that the honest monarch could not 
repress his emotions ; but starting from his seat with rolling 
eyes and agitated manner, at every burning period he would 
exclaim, loud enough to be heard half way over the church, 
' Fine ! fine ! fine, Charlotte ! why, Charlotte, this beats 
our archbishop !' The people all stared at the king. The 
man of God made a full stop ; and fixing his eyes upon him 
as a tender parent would upon a giddy child, cried aloud, 
' When the lion roars, the beasts in the forest tremble ; and 
when the Almighty speaks, let the kings of the earth keep 
silence.' The monarch shrunk back into his seat, and be- 
haved during the rest of the discourse with the most respect- 
ful attention. The next day he sent for Dr. Davies, and, 
after complimenting him highly as an ' honest preacher, 7 
ordered him a check of a hundred guineas for his college." 



RELIGIOUS. 269 

Subjects for the Pulpit. — " The preacher of everlast- 
ing truth has certainly the nobleSt subjects that ever eleva- 
ted and enkindled the soul of man. Not the intrigues of a 
Philip, not the plots of a Catiline, but the rebellion of an- 
gels, the creation of a world, the incarnation and death of the 
Son of God, the resurrection of man, the dissolution of na- 
ture, the general judgment, and the final confirmation of 
countless millions of men and angels in happiness or misery. 
No subjects are so sublime, none are so interesting to the 
feelings of a reflecting audience. No orator was himself 
ever so deeply interested in his subject as a godly minister 
is in the truths which he presses upon his hearers. If on 
any topic he can become impassioned and be carried beyond 
himself, it is on the theme of immortal love and the everlast- 
ing destinies of men." 

Experienced ministers sometimes describe the feelings and 
situations of their hearers so exact, that while the serious 
part are profited, the ignorant are astonished. It is related 
of Mr. Richard Garrat that he used to walk to Petworth 
every Monday. In one of these walks a country fellow, 
who had been his hearer the day before, and had been cut 
to the heart by something he had delivered, came up to him 
with his scythe upon his shoulders, and in mighty rage told 
him " he would be the death of him, for he was sure he was 
a witch, he having told him the day before what no one in 
the world knew of him but God and the devil, and, therefore, 
he most certainly dealt with the devil." 

The Humble Preacher the Most Useful. — A very 
pious man being ordained minister in Fifeshire, some of his 
people left hearing him and went to other churches in the 
neighbourhood. He one day meeting some of them, asked 
them whither they were going. They replied that they 
were going to hear such a one of his brethren, as his own 
sermons did not edify them so much. He said with great 
heartiness, " Oh yes ; go always where your souls get most 
edification ; and may God's blessing and mine go with you." 
The people were so affected that they resolved rather to 
trust their edification with the Lord than desert the ministry 
of such a holy and humble man. His gift of prayer was 
very excellent, though his sermons did not bear any marks 
of strong intellect ; his success, however, in winning souls 
to Christ and building them up in him was great. Some 
of his brethren one day expressing their wonder how his 
ministrations did so much good, while theirs did so little, an- 



270 ANECDOTES. 

other made answer " that his brother, living under a deep 
sense of his own weakness, by the force of fervent prayer 
brings all that he says warm from the heart of God through 
his own, so that it never cools till it reaches the hearts of his 
hearers ; whereas we, being conscious of our abilities, de- 
pend on them in composing our sermons : and hence the 
Lord gives so little countenance to them." 

Examples of Diligence. — When the zealous and truly 
apostolic preacher, Mr. Grimshaw, who usually preached 
from twenty to thirty times a week, was entreated any time 
to spare himself, his constant reply was, " Let me labour 
now, for the hour is at hand when I shall rest." Karamsin, 
the Russian traveller, having seen Lavater's diligence in 
study, visiting the sick, and relieving the poor, greatly sur- 
prised at his fortitude and activity, said to him, " Whence 
have you so much strength of mind and power of endu- 
rance V " My friend," replied he, " man rarely wants the 
power to work when he possesses the will : the more I la- 
bour in the discharge of my duties, so much the more abil- 
ity and inclination to labour do I constantly find within my- 
self." The late John Brown, of Haddington, addressed this 
exhortation to his sons in the ministry with his dying breath : 
" Oh, labour ; labour to win souls to Christ ! I will say this 
for your encouragement, that whenever the Lord has led me 
out to be most diligent this way, he hath poured out com- 
fort into my heart, and given me my reward in my bosom." 
But one great example is He whose life as well as lips said 
to all his disciples, " Work while it is day, for the night 
cometh when no man can work." 

A Diligent Preacher. — " Now I will ask you a strange 
question. Who is the most diligent bishop or prelate in all 
England, that surpasseth all the rest in doing office ? I can 
tell you, for I know who it is ; I know him very well. But 
now I think I see you listening and hearkening that I should 
name him. Then it is one that passeth all the others, and 
is the most diligent prelate and preacher in all England ; 
and will you know what it is ? I will tell you ; it is the 
devil ! He is the most diligent preacher and prelate of all 
others ; he is never out of his diocess ; he is never from his 
cure ; he is ever in his parish ; there was never such a preach- 
er in England as he. In the mean time the prelates take 
heir pleasure ; they are lords and no labourers ; therefore, 
preaching prelates, learn of the devil, if you will not 



RELIGIOUS. 271 

learn of God and good men ; learn of the devil, I say." — 
Bishop Latimer. 

Mr. Pope. — The Rev. Mr. Pope, whose efforts in ad- 
vancing the cause of Christ in Ireland have been attended 
with astonishing success, was one evening preaching to a 
solemn and attentive audience, when a party of Catholics 
advanced with the intention of making a hostile attack. As 
they arrived Mr. Pope paused ; his friends immediately ex- 
tinguished all the lights, and called out, with the true Irish 
spirit, " Proceed, Mr. Pope, proceed. Only preach to us 
Jesus Christ, and not a hair of your head shall be touched.'* 
This account I had from a gentleman in Quebec. 

Short Allowance. — It is said that the celebrated Whit- 
field, when advanced in life, finding his physical powers fail- 
ing him, undertook to put himself upon what he called " short 
allowance." He preached once only on every day in the 
week, and three times on the Sabbath ! 



Whitefield. — The late Mr. Whitefield, in a sermon he 
preached at Haworth (for Mr. Grimshaw), having spoken 
severely of those professors of the gospel who, by their 
loose and evil conduct, caused the ways of truth to be evil 
spoken of, intimated his hope that it was not necessary to 
enlarge much upon that topic to the congregation before 
him, who had so long enjoyed the benefit of an able and 
faithful preacher, and he was willing to believe that their 
profiting appeared to all men. This roused Mr. Grimshaw's 
spirit, and notwithstanding the great regard he had for the 
preacher, he stood up and interrupted him, saying, with aloud 
voice, " Oh, sir ! for God's sake do not speak so ; I pray 
you, do not flatter them : I fear the greater part of them are 
going to hell with their eyes open." 

Newyear's Present. — It was the custom in the reign 
of Henry VIII. for each of the bishops to make presents to 
the king on Newyear's Day. Bishop Latimer went with 
the rest of his brethren to make the usual offering ; but, in- 
stead of a purse of gold, he presented the king with a New 
Testament, in which was a leaf doubled down to this pas- 
sage : "Whoremongers and adulterers God will judge." 



Dr. Mather. — In the first year of Dr. Cotton Mather's 
ministry he had reason to believe he was made the instru- 



272 ANECDOTES. 

ment of converting at least thirty souls. It was constantly 
one of his first thoughts in a morning, " What good may I 
do to-day V He resolved this general question into many 
general particulars. His question for the Lord's-day morn- 
ing constantly was, " What shall I do, as the pastor of a 
church, for the good of the flock under my charge ?" His 
question for Monday morning was, " What shall I do for the 
good of my own family ?" in which he considered himself a 
husband, a father, and a master. For Tuesday morning, 
" What good shall I do for relations abroad ?" Sometimes 
he changed his meditations for another : " What good shall 

I do to my enemies ?" for it was his laudable ambition to 
be able to say he did not know of any person in the world 
who had done him any ill office but he had done him a good 
one for it. His question for Wednesday morning was, 

II What shall I do for the churches of the Lord, and the 
more general interests of religion in the world ?" His 
question for Thursday morning was, " What good may I do 
lo the several societies to which I am related f The ques- 
tion for Friday morning was, " What special objects of com- 
passion and subjects of affliction may 1 take under my par- 
ticular care, and what shall I do for them ?" And his Sat- 
urday morning question, relating more immediately to him- 
self, was, " What more have I to do for the interest of God 
in my own heart and life ?" 



UNFAITHFUL MINISTERS. 

Call to Preach. — Mr. C , of S — n, being in com- 
pany once with a neighbouring minister who had an invita- 
tion to go from the country to a church in London, and the 
conversation turning upon that subject, his neighbour said to 

him, " Brother C , I see my call exceeding clear to 

leave B and go to London." Mr. C replied, " Ah, 

brother, London is a fine place ; and as it is to go there, you 
can hear very quick ; but if God had called you to go to 
poor Cranfield, he might have called long enough, I fear, be- 
fore you would have heard him." 

The Negligent Minister Reproved — A certain minis- 
ter, who was more busied in the pleasures of the chase than 
in superintending the souls of his flock, one day meeting 
with little sport, proposed to entertain his companions at the 



RELIGIOUS. 273 

expense of an inoffensive Quaker, whom he had often very 
rudely ridiculed, and who was then approaching them. Im- 
mediately he rode up briskly to him, saying, " Obadiah, 
have you seen the hare ?" " Why, neighbour, hast thou 
lost him ?" said the Quaker. " Lost him ! yes, indeed !" 
" Then," replied he, " if I were the hare, I would run where 
I am sure thou couldst never find me." " Where the d — 1 
is that ?" said the blustering son of Nimrod. " Why, neigh 
bour," replied the other, " I would run into thy study." 



PREACHING. 

" The history of the pulpit," says one, " is curious and en 
tertaining. It has spoken all languages, and in all sorts oi 
style. It has partaken of all the customs of the schools, the 
theatres, and the courts of all the countries where it has 
been erected. It has been a seat of wisdom and a sink of 
nonsense. It has been filled by the best and the worst of 
men. It has proved in some hands a trumpet of sedition, 
and in others a source of peace and consolation ; but on a 
fair balance, collected from authentic history, there would 
appear no proportion between the benefits and the mischiefs 
which mankind have derived from it; so much do the ad- 
vantages of it preponderate ! In a word, evangelical preach- 
ing has been, and yet continues to be, reputed foolishness ; 
but it is real wisdom, a wisdom and a power by which it 
pleaseth God to save the souls of men." 

The judicious Bishop Burnet prescribed a way to stop the 
progress of the Puritan ministers, when complained against 
by some of the clergy for breaking into and preaching into 
their parochial charges. " Outlive, outlabour, outpreach 
them," said his lordship. 

Dr. Manton. — Dr. Manton, having to preach before the 
lord-mayor, the court of aldermen, &c, at St. Paul's, the 
doctor chose a subject in which he had an opportunity of 
displaying his judgment and learning. He was heard with 
admiration and applause by the more intelligent part of the 
audience. But as he was returning from dinner with the 
lord-mayor in the evening, a poor man following him, pulled 
him by the sleeve of his gown, and asked him if he were 
the gentleman that preached before the lord-mayor. He re- 
plied, " He was." " Sir," says he, " I came with hopes of 

M m 



274 ANECDOTES. 

getting some good for my soul, but I was greatly disappoint- 
ed, for I could not understand a great deal of what you said ; 
you were quite above me." " Friend, if I did not give you 
a sermon, you have given me one ; and, by the grace of God, 
I will never play the fool to preach before my lord-mayor in 
such a manner again." 



Elegant Compliment. — Dr. Balguy, a preacher of great 
celebrity, after having delivered an excellent sermon at Win- 
chester Cathedral, the text of which was, " All wisdom is 
sorrow," received the following extempore, but elegant, com- 
pliment from Dr. Watson, then at Winchester School : 

" If what you advance, dear doctor, be true, 
That wisdom is sorrow, how wretched are you." 



A Long Sermon. — A preacher, who had divided his ser- 
mon into numerous divisions and subdivisions, quite exhaust- 
ed the patience of his auditors, who, finding night approach- 
ing, left the church one after another. The preacher, not 
perceiving this rapid desertion, continued to dispute with 
himself in the pulpit, until a singing-boy, who remained, said, 
" Sir, here are the keys of the church ; when you have fin- 
ished, will you be careful to shut the door ?" 

A Hit at Metaphysics. — Dr. Stebbing, of Gray's Inn, 
speaking in one of his sermons of Hume and some other 
metaphysical writers, said sarcastically, " Our thoughts are 
naturally carried back, on this occasion, to the author of the 
first philosophy, who likewise engaged to open the eyes of 
the public. He did so ; but the only discovery they found 
themselves able to make was, that they were naked." 

South. — The celebrated Dr. South, one of the chaplains 
of Charles the Second, preaching on a certain day before 
court, which was composed of the most profligate and dissi- 
pated men in the nation, perceived in the middle of his dis- 
course that sleep had gradually taken possession of his hear- 
ers. The doctor immediately stopped short, and, changing 
his tone of voice, called out to Lord Lauderdale three times. 
His lordship standing up, " My lord," said South, with great 
composure, " I am sorry to interrupt your repose, but I must 
beg of you that you will not snore quite so loud, lest you 
awaken his majesty." 

On another occasion, when preaching before the king, he 
chose for his text these words, " The lot is cast into the lap, 



RELIGIOUS. 275 

but the disposing of it is of the Lord." In this sermon he 
introduced three remarkable instances of unexpected ad- 
vancement, those of Agathocles, Masaniello, and Oliver 
Cromwell. Of the latter he said, " And who that beheld 
such a bankrupt, beggarly fellow as Cromwell first entering 
the Parliament House, with a threadbare torn cloak, greasy 
hat (perhaps neither of them paid for), could have suspected 
that, in the space of so few years, he should, by the murder 
of one king and the banishment of another, ascend the 
throne ?" At this the king is said to have fallen into a vio- 
lent fit of laughter ; and turning to Dr. South's patron, Mr. 
Lawrence Hyde, afterward created Lord Rochester, said, 
" Odds fish, Lory, your chaplain must be a bishop ; therefore 
put me in mind of him at the next death." 

His wit was certainly the least of his recommendations ; 
he indulged in it to an excess which often violated the sanc- 
tity of the pulpit. When Sherlock accused him of employ- 
ing wit in a controversy on the Trinity, South made but a 
sorry reply : " Had it pleased God to have made you a wit, 
what would you have done ?" 



Dean Swift. — The eccentric Dean Swift, in the course 
of one of those journeys to Holyhead which it is well known 
he several times performed " on foot," was travelling through 
Church Stretton, Shropshire, when he put up at the sign of 
the Crown, and finding the host to be a communicative, good- 
humoured man, inquired if there was any agreeable person in 
town with whom he might partake of a dinner (as he had 
desired him to provide one), and that such a person should 
have nothing to pay. The landlord immediately replied 
that the curate, Mr. Jones, was a very agreeable, compan- 
ionable man, and would not, he supposed, have any objection 
to spend a few hours with a gentleman of his appearance. 
The dean directed him to wait on Mr. Jones with his com- 
pliments, and say that a traveller would be glad to be favour- 
ed with his company at the Crown, if it was agreeable. 
When Mr. Jones and the dean had dined, and the glass 
began to circulate, the former made an apology for an occa- 
sional absence, saying that at three o'clock he was to read 
prayers and preach at the church. Upon this intimation the 
dean replied that he also should attend prayers. Service 
being ended, and the two gentlemen having resumed their 
station at the Crown, the dean began to compliment Mr. 
Jones on his delivery of a very appropriate sermon ; and re- 
marked that it must have cost him (Mr. Jones) some time 
and attention to compose such a one. 



276 ANECDOTES. 

Mr. Jones observed that his duty was rather " laborious," 
as he served another parish church at a distance ; which, 
with the Sunday and weekly service at Church Stratton, 
straitened him very much with respect to the time necessary 
for the composition of sermons ; so that, when the subjects 
pressed, he could only devote a few days and nights to that 
purpose. 

" Well," says the dean, " it is well for you to have such 
a talent ; for my part, the very sermon you preached this af- 
ternoon cost me some months in composing." On this ob- 
servation Mr. Jones began to look very gloomy, and to rec- 
ognise his companion. " However," rejoined the dean, 
" don't you be alarmed ; you have so good a talent at deliv- 
ery, that I hereby declare you have done more honour to my 
sermon this day than I could do myself; and, by way of com- 
promising the matter, you must accept of this half-guinea 
for the justice you have done in the delivery of it." 

Reading Sermons. — The following is not a bad portrait 
of one who entirely confines himself to his notes. " He lays 
open his performance at large in the face of the whole as- 
sembly, like a boy at school ; he reads and blunders, and 
blunders and reads ; he stands in the pulpit like a speaking 
statue, without life or motion ; his eyes are fixed down to the 
space of a few square inches as if he stared at a ghost ; he 
hangs his head over his scroll as if he were receiving sen- 
tence of death. If the poor drudge could look around him, 
he would see half of his audience dozing over his dull repe- 
tition ; not a soul affected, unless, perhaps, an old beggar 
gives a groan from a dark corner when he hears the sound. 
An honest countryman, happening to hear one of these 
paper geniuses preach, was asked by his wife when he went 
home how he liked the preacher. ' Alas !' said he, ' he 
was as poor a preacher as ever I saw, woman : he was just 
like a crow picking the corn ; for he always put down his 
head for a pick, and then looked about to see if any person 
was coming near him.' " 

The Reformer and the Quaker. — A country clergy- 
man was boasting in a large company of the success he had 
met with in reforming his parishioners, on whom his labours, 
he said, had produced a wonderful change for the better. 
Being asked in what respect, he replied that, when he came 
first among them, they were a set of unmannerly clowns, 
who paid him no more deference than they did to one an* 



RELIGIOUS. 277 

other ; did not so much as pull off their hat when they spoke 
to him, but bawled out as roughly and familiarly as though 
he was their equal ; whereas now they never presumed to 
address him but cap in hand and in a submissive voice, 
made him the best bow when they were at ten yards' dis- 
tance, and styled him your reverence at every word. A 
Quaker, who had heard the whole patiently, made answer, 
M And so, friend, the upshot of this reformation, of which thou 
hast so much carnal glorying, is, that thou hast taught thy 
people to worship thyself." 

Hamilton. — When Hamilton was about to be made 
Bishop of Galloway, one objecting to him that it went 
against his conscience (for he had sworn to the covenant), 
he said, " Such medicine as could not be chewed must be 
swallowed whole." Fine sentiment for a bishop, truly ! ! ! 



Pungent Preaching. — An old man, being asked his 
opinion of a certain sermon, replied, " I liked it very well, 
except that there was no pinch to it. I always like to have 
a pinch to every sermon." I was reminded of this anecdote 
by the remark of a son of Neptune from Nantucket, whom 
I met in the gallery of a crowded church last Sabbath even 
ing. He said it was a handsome sermon, "but he would 
have liked it better if it had struck the harpoon into the 
conscience of the sinner." 



In the reign of Edward VI. most of the priests in Scot- 
land imagined the New Testament to be a composition of 
Luther's, and asserted that the Old alone was the word of 
God. 

Comment on Galatians iv., 18. — Mr. Betterton being 
one day at dinner at his grace's the Archbishop of Canter- 
bury, his grace expressed his astonishment that the repre- 
sentation of fables in their pieces should make more impres- 
sion upon the mind than that of truth in the sermons of the 
clergy : upon which Mr. Betterton, desiring leave to explain 
the reason of it, and obtaining it on condition of preserving 
the respect due to religion, said, " May it please your grace, 
it is because the clergy, in reading their sermons, pronounce 
them as if they were reading fables ; and we, in acting our 
parts and using them in a proper gesture, represent them 
like matters of fact." There is, undoubtedly, a considerable 
degree of weight in Mr. Betterton's observation ; the wan! 



278 ANECDOTES. 

of life, earnestness, and energy in the clergy, prevents their 
being attended to in the manner which could be wished, and 
greatly lessens the effect of the discourses. 

Anecdotes of those who Read their Sermons. — Mr 

Heard having heard Dr. M preach, the doctor afterward 

asked him how he liked his sermon. " Like it !" said Mr. 
Heard. "Why, sir, I have liked it and admired it these 
twenty years." The doctor stared. " Upon that shelf,' 
added Mr. Heard, " you will find it verbatim. Mr. Boehm 
was an excellent preacher !" Mr. Heard was a bookseller, 
and booksellers are sometimes dangerous hearers, when a 
preacher deals in borrowed sermons. 

Three several clergymen, on three successive Sundays, 
delivered the very same discourse, on " Fall not out by the 
way," in the same church and to the same congregation, not 
far from one of our universiiies. 

A late minister of read a discourse in his church, 

intended to excite his congregation to gratitude for an interval 
of fine weather, while at the very interval of reading it the 
rain descended in torrents from the bursting clouds, with a 
violence sufficient to show the folly of being tied to notes. 

They who read sermons composed by others are very 
often led into mistakes. A German divine says, " One of 
these retailers of small ware, having picked up a homily 
composed some years before, when the plague was raging in 
the country, preached it to his congregation on the Lord's 
day. Towards the close, having sharply reproved vice, he 
added, ' for these vices it is that God has visited you and your 
families with that cruel scourge the plague, which is now 
spreading everywhere in this town. 1 At uttering these 
words, the people were all so thunderstruck, that the chief 
magistrate was obliged to go to the pulpit and to ask him, 
1 For Gods sake, sir, pardon the interruption, and inform 
me where the plague is, that I may instantly endeavour to 
prevent its farther spreading /' ' The plague, sir /' replied 
the preacher : ' I know nothing about the plague. Whether 
it is in the town or not, it is in my homily. 1 " 

Dr. Guise. — It is related of Dr. Guise that he lost his 
eyesight while he was in prayer before sermon. Having 
finished prayer, he was consequently forced to preach with- 
out notes. As he was led out of the meeting after service 
was over, he could not help lamenting his sudden and total 
blindness. A good old gentlewoman, who heard him de- 



RELIGIOUS. 2715 

plore his loss, answered him, "God be praised that youi 
sight is gone : I never heard you preach so powerful a ser- 
mon in my life. Now we shall have no more notes : I wish, 
for my own part, that the Lord had taken away your eyesight 
twenty years ago, for your ministry would have been more 
useful by twenty degrees." Whatever may be said in fa- 
vour of notes, the old gentlewoman, however, formed a 
strong argument against them from her feelings. 

Who's to Blame ? — A minister not far from London 
one day went to his place of worship, and happened, by neg- 
lect, to leave his notes on his closet table. A servant, who 
did not affect his master's reading method, fumbled them 
among some rubbish in the corner of the room, and went 
his way. The minister, missing his sermon, whispered the 
pew-opener to fetch it while he was praying ; the man went, 
and searched for a full hour, but could not find it. The min- 
ister prayed all the time, with the avocation of some long- 
ing glances at the door for the pew-opener : when he prayed 
himself out of breath, and the people out of patience, he sat 
down wearied. At length the man appeared, but no ser- 
mon; after some minutes' painful reflection, he rose up, a$d 
plainly told the congregation that the sermon was lost, and, 
therefore, they were to have none that day ; but withal prom- 
ised, if the sermon should be found, that he would cause 
it to be printed for their instruction, and never preach by 
notes again. 



A curious Proof of Conversion. — About the time of 
the conclusion of the peace of Reswick, the noted Theronet 
died at Montreal. The French gave him Christian burial in 
a pompous manner, the popish priest who attended him 
in his sickness having pronounced the poor Indian to have 
been a true Christian ; " for," said he, " while I explained to 
him the passion of our Saviour whom the Jews crucified, he 
cried out, ' Oh ! had I been there, I would have revenged 
his death, and brought away their scalps !' " — (Colbiri's Hist, 
of the Five Nations, vol. i., p. 207.) 

The Pious Farmers. The Farmer's Faith better than 
the Prelate's Disquisitions. — The late King of Sweden was, 
it seems, under serious impressions for some time before his 
death. A peasant being once, on a particular occasion, ad- 
mitted to his presence, the king, knowing him to be a person 
of singular piety, asked him " what he took to be the true 






280 ANECDOTES. 

nature of faith." The peasant entered deeply into the sub- 
ject, and much to the king's comfort and satisfaction. The 
king at last, lying on his deathbed, had a return of his 
doubts and fears as to the safety of his soul ; and still the 
same question was perpetually in his mouth to those about 
him, "What is real faith?" His attendants advised him to 
send for the Archbishop of Upsal ; who, coming to the king's 
bedside, began, in a learned, logical manner, to enter into the 
scholastic definition of faith. The prelate's disquisition 
lasted an hour. "When he had done the king said, with much 
energy, "All this is ingenious, but not comfortable; it is 
not what I want ; nothing, after all, but the farmer } s faith 
will do for me? So true is that observation that religion is 
a plain thing ; and, indeed, it wants no metaphysical subtil- 
ties, no critical disquisitions, no logical deductions. 

Preferment. — It has been observed that nothing could 
form a more curious collection of memoirs than anecdotes 
of preferment. Could the secret history of great men be 
traced, it would appear that merit is rarely the first step to 
advancement. It would much oftener be found to be owing 
to superficial qualifications, and even vices. Sir Christo- 
pher Hatton owed his preferment to his dancing. Queen 
Elizabeth, with all her sagacity, could not see the future 
lord-chancellor in the fine dancer. 

What will not some do for the sake of preferment, and that 
even when they are already well provided for ? The shame- 
ful impropriety of pluralities is never thought of; conscience 
is sacrificed to interest; the value of money, and not of 
souls, becomes the prime object in view. What would the 
primitive Christians have said of a modern divine, who is 

said to be the curate of , supposed to be annually worth 

five thousand pounds ? He is a subalmoner to , rector 

of , prebendary of , prebendary of , preben- 
dary of , archdeacon of , and dean of . 

The late Bishop L was possessed, at the time of his 

decease, of ten or more different preferments. He was 
bishop, head of a college, prebend, rector, librarian, &c, 
&c, &c. 



The Ignorant Priest.— The following anecdote will 
afford us a striking instance of the ignorance that existed 
before the reformation ; at the same time it confirms the 
relation generally given of Archbishop Cranmer's forgiving 
spirit. 



RELIGIOUS. 281 

The archbishop's first wife, whom he married at Cam- 
bridge, lived at the Dolphin Inn, and he often resorting thith- 
er on that account, the popish party had raised a story that 
he was hostler of that inn, and never had the benefit of a 
learned education. This idle story a Yorkshire priest had 
with great confidence asserted in an alehouse which he used 
to frequent, railing at the archbishop, and saying that he had 
no more learning than a goose. Some of the parish, who 
had a respect for Cranmer's character, informed Lord Crom- 
well of this, who immediately sent for the priest and com- 
mitted him to the Fleet Prison. When he had been there 
nine or ten weeks, he sent a relation of his to the archbishop to 
beg his pardon and humbly sue to him for a discharge. The 
archbishop instantly sent for him, and, after a gentle reproof, 
asked the priest whether he knew him ; to which he an- 
swered, No. The archbishop expostulated with him why 
he should then make so free with his character. The priest 
excused himself by his being in drink. But this, Cranmer 
told him, was a double fault, and then let him know that if 
he had a mind to try what a scholar he was, he should have 
liberty to oppose him in whatever science he pleased. The 
priest humbly asked his pardon, and confessed himself to be 
very ignorant, and to understand nothing but his mother 
tongue. " No doubt," said Cranmer, ° you are well versed 
in the English Bible, and can answer any question out of 
that. Pray tell me who was David's father ?" The priest 
stood still a while to consider, but at last told the archbishop 
he could not recollect his name. " Tell me, then," said 
Cranmer, " who was Solomon's father ?" The poor priest 
replied that he had no skill in genealogies, and could not tell. 
The archbishop then advised him to frequent the alehouse 
less and his study more ; and admonished him not to ac- 
cuse others for want of learning till he was master of some 
himself; discharged him out of custody, and sent him home 
to his cure. 



A Popular Preacher. — A reverend doctor in the me- 
tropolis was what is usually denominated a popular preacher. 
His reputation, however, had not been acquired by his draw- 
ing largely on his own stores of knowledge and eloquence, 
but by the skill with which he appropriated the thoughts 
and language of the great divines who had gone before him. 
Those who compose a fashionable audience are not deeply 
read in pulpit lore ; and, accordingly, with such hearers he 
passed for a wonder of erudition and pathos. It did never- 

N N 



282 ANECDOTES. 

theless happen that the doctor was once detected in his lar- 
cenies. One Sunday, as he was beginning to delight the 
belles of his quarter of the metropolis, a grave old gentleman 
seated himself close to the pulpit, and listened with profound 
attention. The doctor had scarcely finished his third sen- 
tence before the old gentleman muttered loud enough to be 
heard by those near, " That's Sherlock !" The doctor 
frowned, but went on. He had not proceeded much farther, 
when his tormenting interrupter broke out with, " That's 
Tillotson !" The doctor bit his lips and paused, but again 
thought it better to pursue the thread of his discourse. A 
third exclamation of " That's Blair !" was, however, too 
much, and completely deprived him of patience. Leaning 
over the pulpit, " Fellow," he cried, " if you do not hold 
your tongue you shall be turned out." Without altering a 
muscle of his countenance, the grave old gentleman lifted 
up his head, and, looking the doctor in the face, retorted, 
" That's his own /" 



Dr. Rush. — The doctor once informed me that, when he 
was a young man, he had been invited on some occasion to 
dine in company with Robert Morris, Esq., a man celebrated 
for the part he took in the American revolution. It so hap- 
pened that the company had waited some time for Mr. Mor- 
ris, who, on his appearance, apologized for detaining them 
by saying that he had been engaged in reading a sermon of 
a clergyman who had just gone to England to receive orders. 
" Well, Mr. Morris," said the doctor, " how did you like the 
sermon ? I have heard it highly extolled." " Why, doc- 
tor," said he, "I did not like it at all. It is too smooth and 
tame for me." " Mr. Morris," replied the doctor, "what 
sort of a sermon do you like ?" " I like, sir," replied Mr. 
Morris, " that preaching which drives a man up into the 
corner of his pew, and makes him think the devil is after 
him." 



Dilemma. — A preacher who had but one sermon, which 
he delivered on the Sunday, being praised by the lord of the 
place, was called upon to preach on the next day, which 
was a fast day. The preacher ruminated the whole night 
on what he was to do to rescue himself from the predica- 
ment in which he was placed. The dreaded hour arrived, 
when he mounted the pulpit, and with great solemnity said, 
" Brethren, some persons have accused me of advancing prop- 
ositions to you yesterday contrary to the faith, and of hav- 



RELIGIOUS. 283 

mg misrepresented many passages of Scripture. Now, to 
convince you how much I have been wronged, and to make 
known to you the purity of my doctrine, I shall repeat my 
sermon, so pray be attentive." 

A Beautiful Simile. — We heard a minister in the pulpit 
a short time ago relate the following historical fact, and ap- 
ply it to Christian duty. There is an electric force, an 
unction arising from its contemplation, that ought to arouse, 
elevate, and quicken the feelings of every Christian in con- 
templating the beauties of the parable. 

The minister remarked, that historians said that the eagle, 
when the clouds blackened and lowered, and the winds and 
storms arose to a fearful extent, would weigh with instinct- 
ive precision its ability to withstand its force without injury. 
If the storm bid fair to rage with too great violence, the 
eagle would flap his broad wings and soar above it, and 
from his proud altitude would look down with serenity and 
composure on the devastation below. 

The application to Christians was to persuade them to 
imitate the noble eagle. When bickerings and strife arose 
in the church or in society ; when the storms of religious 
discord were rising higher, and higher, and higher, and the 
wrath of God was thundering in his Providence into the ears 
of his provocators, then they should, on the pinions of their 
faith, rise above the world. This needs no comment. 
Oh that Christians would learn to emulate the eagle, and 
proudly, through the influence of the Divine Spirit, " trample 
the world beneath their feet." — Maryville Intelligencer. 



Rev. Mr. Sewell. — This popular preacher was address- 
ing a very crowded audience, consisting of strangers as well 
as members of his own congregation, on Sunday evening 
last, in Cumberland church. He was commenting with his 
usual perspicuity and force upon the danger of evil commu- 
nication, and exhorted those to whom the voice and the pre- 
cepts of the gospel were yet precious, to abandon the society 
of the unprincipled and irreligious, to form no ties of asso- 
ciation, no copartnership in business, nor unions with them. 

It would appear that the reverend gentleman's discourse 
was not, perhaps, entirely palatable to a portion of his audi- 
tory ; for, while thus engaged, a stir was heard in the church 
like the sound of many persons leaving it. It attracted his 
attention. He paused. His manner, which is usually warm, 
impressive, and eloquent, became on the instant changed ; 



284 ANECDOTES. 

pointing significantly towards the doors, and then turning to 
the congregation, he remarked, with great calmness and so- 
lemnity, " My Christian friends ! we have given offence, 
and, of course, are sorry for it. Those persons who have 
disturbed the church have departed. Let them go ! it is the 
fresh breeze of the gospel winnowing the human grain, and 
mark ! how it separates the chaff from the wheat !" — 
Charleston Patriot. 



Whitfield — The Rev. George Whitfield, a clergyman 
of the Church of England, first arrived in this country in the 
year 1738. He landed in Savannah, Georgia, and laid the 
foundation of an orphan-house a few miles from Savannah, 
and afterward finished it at great expense. He returned to 
England the same year. On the following year he returned 
again to America, and landed at Philadelphia, and began to 
preach in different churches. In this and in his subsequent 
visits to America he visited most of the principal places in 
the colonies. Immense numbers of people nocked to hear 
him wherever he preached. 

The following anecdote respecting his manner of preaching 
will serve to illustrate this part of his character. One day, 
while preaching from the balcony of the courthouse in Phila- 
delphia, he cried out, " Father Abraham, who have you got in 
heaven ; any Episcopalians V " No !" " Any Presbyteri- 
ans r "No!" " Any Baptists ?" "No." "Have you any 
Methodists there ?" " No !" " Have you any Independents 
or Seceders?" "No! No!" " Why, who have you, then ?" 
" We don't know those names here ; all that are here are 
Christians ; believers in Christ ; men who have overcome 
by the blood of the Lamb and the word of his testimony !" 
" Oh, is this the case ? then God help me. God help us all. 
to forget party names, and to become Christians in deed and 
in truth." 

Mr. Whitfield died in Newburyport, Mass., on the 30th 
of September, 1770, in the fifty-sixth year of his age, on his 
seventh visit to America, having been in the ministry thirty- 
four years. 

Canticles. — No book has been taken more liberties with 
than that of the Canticles. 

A grave commentator thus allegorizes. " Solomon's bed 
is the church ; the sixty valiant men about it are the six 
working days of the week and the ten commandments ; the 
tin cdil of scarlet is a confession of faith in the doctrine of 



RELIGIOUS. 285 

the Trinity and the death of Christ. My beloved put in his 
hand by the hole; that is, Thomas put his hand into the 
side of Christ." This devout rhapsody the holy man calls 
heavenly food ; and he advises his readers to live upon it 
with the lips of cogitation and the teeth of admiration. — 
Philon. Carpath epise in Cantic. interp. apud Bibliot Pa- 
trum, torn. i. 

A man who allows his fancy to play with Scripture may 
make anything of it. The following parallel, delivered in a 
sermon at St. Paul's, in London, before the gentlemen of 
Nottinghamshire on the day of their yearly feast, is curious. 

The town of Nottingham doth run parallel with Jerusalem. 
Was Jerusalem set upon precipitous hills ? and is not Not- 
tingham also ? And as the mountains stood round about 
Jerusalem, do they not so about Nottingham ? And as there 
were two famous ascents in Jerusalem, is it not so in Not- 
tingham ? I need not tell you that the soul of a man is a 
precious thing, and the loss thereof sad in any country ; yet, 
methinks, in the aguish parts of Kent and Essex, where I 
have seen sometimes a whole parish sick together, the souls 
that miscarry thence seem but to go from purgatory to hell. 
But those that perish out of Nottinghamshire go from heaven 
to hell. When a soul miscarries out of Nottinghamshire, 
methinks in melancholy visions I see the infernals flocking 
about it, and saying, " Art thou come from those pleasant 
mountains to these Stygian lakes ?" &c. Was it worth a 
man's while to come, as the preacher tells his auditors he 
did, " twenty-four miles in slobby weather" to preach such 
stuff as this ? 

A certain preacher took for his text Acts xx., 15: " Paul 
went afoot to Assos ;" and expatiated on the humility of 
trudging afoot after the apostle's example. Unluckily for 
this declaimer, the word -rre^evetv does not signify to go afoot, 
it means to go by land ; and he might as well have preached 
on the infirmities of good men, and have proved that St. 
Paul was timorous of sailing. 

It would be easy to transcribe more instances of this kind, 
but I suppose the reader is already tired with the above. 

I shall only stop to express my grief that men whose 
business it is to inform others should be so ignorant them- 
selves ; that they who pretend to illuminate should darken. 
Such characters who substitute fancy for genius, and con- 
temptible singularities for extraordinary powers, give but 
little evidence, in my opinion, of their being called to the 
sacred work of the ministry. And yet, alas ! how many of 



286 ANECDOTES. 

those miserable preachers have we, with whom multitudes 
as miserable as themselves are carried away ! 



REMARKABLE CONVERSIONS. 

Highwayman Reclaimed. — It was the custom of Dr. 
Sharp, archbishop of York, to have a saddle-horse attend 
his carriage, that, in case of fatigue from sitting, he might 
take the refreshment of a ride. As he was thus going to 
his episcopal residence, and had got a mile or two before his 
carriage, a decent, well-looking young man came up with 
him, and, with a trembling hand and a faltering tongue, pre- 
sented a pistol to his lordship's breast and demanded his 
money. The archbishop, with great composure, turned 
about; and, looking steadfastly at him, desired he would re- 
move that dangerous weapon, and tell him fairly his condi- 
tion. " Sir ! sir !" with great agitation cried the youth ; " no 
words ; 'tis not a time ; your money, instantly !" " Hear me, 
young man," said the archbishop ; " you see I am an old man, 
and my life is of very little consequence ; yours seems far 
otherwise. I am named Sharp, and am Archbishop of 
York ; my carriage and servants are behind. Tell me what 
money you want and who you are, and I will not injure, 
but prove a friend. Here, take this ; and now ingenuous- 
ly tell me how much you want to make you independent 
of so destructive a business as you are now engaged in." 
" Oh, sir," replied the man, " I detest the business as much 
as you. I am — but — but — at home there are creditors who 
will not stay — fifty pounds, my lord, indeed would do what 
no tongue besides my own can tell." "Well, sir, I take it 
on your word ; and upon my honour, if you will in a day 

or two call on me at , what I have now given you shall 

be made up to that sum." The highwayman looked at him, 
was silent, and went off; and, at the time appointed, actually 
waited on the archbishop, and assured his lordship his words 
had left impressions which nothing could ever destroy. 

Nothing more transpired for a year and a half or more ; 
when, one morning, a person knocked at his grace's gate, and 
with peculiar earnestness desired to see him. The archbish- 
op ordered the stranger to be brought in. He entered the 
room where his lordship was, but had scarce advanced a few 
steps when his countenance changed, his l^nees tottered, and 
he sunk almost breathless on the floor. On recovering he 



RELIGIOUS. 287 

requested an audience in private. The apartment being 
cleared, " My lord," said he, " you cannot have forgotten the 
circumstances at such a time and place ; gratitude will never 
suffer them to be obliterated from my mind. In me, my 
lord, you now behold that once most wretched of mankind ; 
but now, by your inexpressible humanity, rendered equal, 
perhaps superior, in happiness to millions. Oh, my lord !" 
tears for a while preventing his utterance, " 'tis you, 'tis you 
that have saved me, body and soul ; 'tis you that have saved 
a dear and much-loved wife, and a little brood of children 
whom I loved more than my life. Here are the fifty 
pounds ; but never shall I find language to testify what I 
feel. Your God is your witness ; your deed itself is your 
glory ; and may heaven and all its blessings be your present 
and everlasting reward ! 

" I was the younger son of a wealthy man ; your lordship 

knows him ; his name was ; my marriage alienated 

his affection, and my brother withdrew his love, and left me 
to sorrow and penury. A month since my brother died a 
bachelor and intestate. What was his is become mine; 
and by your astonishing goodness I am now at once the 
most penitent, the most grateful, and the happiest of my 
species." 

"He Died." — A certain libertine, of a most abandoned 
character, happened one day to stroll into a church, where he 
heard the fifth chapter of Genesis read ; importing, that so long 
lived such and such persons, and yet the conclusion was, 
" they died." Enos lived 905 years, and he died ; Seth 912, 
and he died; Methusaleh 969, and he died. The frequent 
repetition of the words he died, notwithstanding the great 
length of years they had lived, struck him so deeply with the 
thought of death and eternity, that, through Divine grace, he 
became a most exemplary Christian. 



The Rev. Mr. M. was educated for the bar. His conver- 
sion arose from the following circumstance. He was de- 
sired one evening by some of his companions, who were 
with him at a coffee-house, to go and hear Mr. John Wesley, 
who, they were told, was to preach in the neighbourhood, and 
then to return and exhibit his manner and discourse for their 
entertainment. He went with that intention ; and, just as he 
entered the place, Mr. Wesley named as his text, " Prepare 
to meet thy God," with a solemnity of accent which struck 
him, and which inspired a seriousness that increased as the 



288 ANECDOTES. 

good man proceeded in exhorting his hearers to repentance. 
He returned to the coffee-room, and was asked by his ac- 
quaintance "if he had taken off the old Methodist." To which 
he answered, " No, gentlemen; but he has taken me off" and 
from that time he left their company altogether, and in future 
associated with serious people, and became himself a serious 
character. 



A lady, having spent the afternoon and evening at cards 
and in gay company, when she came home, found her ser- 
vant-maid reading a pious book. She looked over her 
shoulders and said, "Poor melancholy soul! what pleasure 
canst thou find in poring so long over that book ?" That 
night the lady could not sleep, but lay sighing and weeping 
very much. Her servant asked her once and again what was 
the matter. At length she burst out into a flood of tears, 
and said, " Oh ! it is one word I saw in your book that 
troubles me : there I saw that word eternity. Oh how hap- 
py should I be if I were prepared for eternity !" The con- 
sequence of this impression was, that she laid aside her cards, 
forsook her gay company, and set herself seriously to pre- 
pare for another world. 

Poor Robber. — In the year 1662, when Paris was afflict- 
ed with a long and severe famine, Monsieur de Sallo, return- 
ing from a summer evening's walk, accompanied with only 
a page, was accosted by a man who presented his pistol, and, 
in a manner far from hardened resolution, asked him for his 
money. M. de Sallo, observing that he came to the wrong 
person, and that he could obtain but little from him, added, 
" I have but three pistoles, which are not worth a scuffle, so 
much good may it do you with them ; but, like a friend, let 
me tell you, you are going on in a very bad way." The rob- 
ber took them, and, without asking him for more, walked away 
with an air of dejection and terror. 

The fellow was no sooner gone than M. de Sallo ordered 
his page to follow the robber, to observe where he went, and 
to bring him an account of all he should discover. The boy 
obeyed, pursued him through several obscure streets, and 
at length saw him enter a baker's shop, where he observed 
him change one of the pistoles and buy a large brown loaf: 
with this salutary purchase the robber went a few doors far- 
ther, and, entering an alley, ascended several flights of stairs. 
The boy crept up after him to the topmost story, where he 
saw him go into a room which was no otherwise illuminated 



RELIGIOUS. 289 

than by the friendly light of the moon ; and, peeping through 
a crevice, he perceived the wretched man cast the loaf upon 
the floor, and, bursting into tears, cry out, " There, eat your 
fill ; this is the dearest loaf I ever bought ; I have robbed a 
gentleman of three pistoles ; let us husband them well, and 
let me have no more teazings ; for, soon or late, these dctings 
must bring me to ruin." His wife, having calmed the agony 
of his mind, took up the loaf, and, cutting it, gave four pieces 
to four poor starving children. 

The page, having thus performed his commission, returned 
home and gave his master an account of all he had seen and 
heard. Sallo, who was much moved (what Christian breast 
can be unmoved at distress like this .'), commanded the boy 
to call him at five the next morning. He rose accordingly, 
and took his boy with him to show him the way ; he in- 
quired of his neighbours the character of a man who lived in 
such a garret, with a wife and four children ; by whom he 
was informed that he was a very industrious man, a tender 
husband, and a quiet neighbour ; that his occupation was that 
of a shoemaker, and that he was a neat workman ; but was 
overburdened with a family, and struggled hard to live in 
such dear times. Satisfied with this account, M. de Sallo 
ascended to the shoemaker's lodging, and, knocking at the 
door, it was opened by the unhappy man himself; who, know- 
ing him at first sight to be the gentleman whom he had rob- 
bed, prostrated himself at his feet. M. de Sallo desired him 
to make no noise, assuring him he had not the least inten- 
tion to hurt him. " You have a good character," said he> 
; ' among your neighbours, but you must expect your life will 
be cut short if you are so wicked as to continue the free- 
doms you took with me. Hold your hand ; here are thirty 
pistoles to buy leather ; husband it well, and set your chil- 
dren a laudable example. To put you out of further tempt- 
ations to commit such ruinous and fatal crimes, I will en- 
courage your industry. I hear you are a neat workman ; 
you shall therefore now take measure, of me and my lad for 
two pairs of shoes each, and he shall call upon you for them." 
The whole family seemed absorbed in joy ; amazement and 
gratitude in some measure deprived them of speech. M. de 
Sallo departed, greatly moved, and with a mind replete with 
satisfaction at having saved a man from the commission of 
guilt, from an ignominious death, and, perhaps, from everlast- 
ing misery. 

Never was a day much better begun ; the consciousness 
of having performed such an action, whenever it recurs to 

Oo 13 



290 ANECDOTES. 

the mind, must be attended with pleasure, and that self-corn 
placency which is more desirable than gold will be ever the 
attendant on such truly Christian charity. 



FAITHFUL CHRISTIANS. 

• A Christian is a child of God, a brother of Christ, a tem- 
ple of the Holy Ghost, an heir of the kingdom, a companion 
of angels, a lord of the world, and a partaker of Divine nature. 
The Christian's glory is Christ in heaven, and Christ's glory 
is the Christian on earth. He is a worthy child of God, en- 
dued with Christ's righteousness, walking in holy fear and 
cheerful obedience before his Father, shining as a light in 
the world, a rose among thorns. He is a wonderfully beau- 
tiful creature of the grace of God, over which the holy 
angels rejoice, and attended and ministered unto by them 
wherever he goes. He is a wonder to the world, a terror to 
the devils, an ornament to the church, a delight to heaven. 
His heart is full of pain, his eyes full of tears for a perishing 
world, his mouth full of sighs, and his hands full of good 
works. — Luther. 



The Pious Bookseller. — Mr. Flavel being in London 
in 1673, his old bookseller, Mr. Boulter, gave him the follow- 
ing relation, viz., " That some time before there came into 
his shop a sparkish gentleman to inquire for some playbooks. 
Mr. Boulter told him he had none, but showed him Mr. 
Flavel's little treatise of keeping the heart, entreating him to 
read it, and assured him it would do him more good than 
playbooks. The gentleman read the title, and glancing upon 
several pages here and there, broke out into these and such 
other expressions : ' What a fanatic was he who made this 
book !' Mr. Boulter begged of him to buy and read it, and 
told him ' he had no cause to censure it so bitterly.' At last 
he bought it, but told him he would not read it. ' "What 
will you do with it, then V said Mr. Boulter. ' I will tear 
and burn it,' said he, 'and send it to the devil.' Mr. Boul- 
ter told him he should not have it. Upon this the gentle- 
man promised to read it; and Mr. Boulter told him 'that, if 
he disliked it upon reading it, he would return him his money. 
About a month after the gentleman came to the shop again 
in a very modest habit, and with a serious countenance ad- 
dressed him thus : ' Sir, I most heartily thank you for put- 



RELIGIOUS. 291 

ting this book into my hands. 1 bless God that ever I came 
into your shop.' And then he bought a hundred more of 
those books of him, and told him [ he would give them to 
the poor who could not buy them.' " 

I have Souls on Board ! — During a recent voyage, sail- 
ing in a heavy sea near a reef of rocks, a minister on board 
the vessel remarked, in a conversation between the man at 
the helm and the sailors, an inquiry whether they should be 
able to clear the rocks without making another tack; when 
the captain gave orders that they should put off, to avoid all 
risk. The minister observed, " I am rejoiced we have so 
careful a commander." The captain replied, "It is neces- 
sary I should be very careful, because I have souls on board. 
I think of my responsibility ; and, should anything happen 
through carelessness, that souls are very valuable." The 
minister, turning to one of his congregation who was upon 
deck with him, observed, " The captain has preached me a 
powerful sermon. I hope I shall never forget, when I am 
addressing my fellow-creatures on the concerns of eternity, 
that I have souls on board." 



Punctual Hearer. — A woman who always used to at 
tend public worship with great punctuality, and took care to 
be always in time, was asked how it was she could always 
come so early ; she answered very wisely, " that it was 
part of her religion not to disturb the religion of others." 

The Deaf Woman a Constant Attendant. — " I have 
in my congregation," said a venerable minister of the gospel, 
" a worthy aged woman, who has for many years been so 
deaf as not to distinguish the loudest sound, and yet she is 
always one of the first in the meeting. On asking the rea- 
son of her constant attendance (as it was impossible for her 
to hear my voice), she answered, ' Though I cannot hear 
you, I come to God's house because I love it, and would be 
found in his ways ; and he gives me many a sweet thought 
upon the text when it is pointed out to me : another reason 
is because there I am in the best company, in the more im- 
mediate presence of God, and among his saints, the honour- 
able of the earth. I am not satisfied with serving God in 
private ; it is my duty and privilege to honour him regularly 
in public.' " What a reproof this to those who have their 
hearing, and yet always come to a place of worship late or 
not at all ! 



292 ANECDOTES. 



UNFAITHFUL CHRISTIANS. 

Folly of Renouncing Christ. — A certain Italian hav- 
ing his enemy in his power, told him there was no possible 
way for him to save his life unless he would immediately 
deny and renounce his Saviour. The timorous wretch, in 
nopes of mercy, did it ; when the other forthwith stabbed 
him to the heart, saying, " That now he had a full and no- 
ble revenge, for he had killed at once both his body and 
soul." 



Force of Custom. — Iri a certain town not more than fifty 
miles from Boston, as the clergyman was holding forth in 
his usual drowsy manner, one of the deacons, probably in- 
fluenced by the narcotic qualities of the discourse, fell into a 
doze. The preacher, happening to use the words, " What is 
the price of all earthly pleasures ?" the good deacon, who 
kept a small store, thinking the inquiry respecting some kind 
of merchandise, immediately answered, " Seven and six- 
pence a dozen." 

Protestants Reproved. — " I remember," says Mr. Mat- 
thew Henry, " when I was a young man, coming up to Lon- 
don in the stagecoach, in King James's time, there happened 
to be a gentleman in the company that then was not afraid 
to own himself a Jesuit : many rencounters he and I had 
upon the road, and this was one ; he was praising the cus- 
tom, in popish countries, of keeping the church doors always 
open, for people to go in at any time to say their prayers. 
I told him that it looked too much like the practice of the 
Pharisees, that prayed in the synagogues, and did not agree 
with Christ's command, 'Thou, when thou prayest, enter not 
into the church with the doors open, but into thy closet, and 
shut thy doors.' When he was pressed with that argument, 
he replied with some vehemence, ' I believe you Protestants 
say your prayers nowhere ; for,' said he, ' I have travelled 
a great deal in the coach in company with Protestants, have 
often laid in inns in the same room with them, and have care- 
fully watched them, and could never perceive that any of 
them said their prayers, night or morning, but one, and he 
was a Presbyterian.'" Superstitious and self-righteous as 
the Papists are, they are very attentive to the form, at least ; 
while it is too true that many Protestants, so called, never 
pray at all. Fas est doceri ab hoste. 



RELIGIOUS. 293 

It is too common with some professors, under a pretence 
of magnifying the grace of God, to excuse their want of 
zeal and their negligence in the duties of religion by plead- 
ing that they can do nothing without the sensible influence 
of grace upon their minds. 

I once heard a zealous minister (now with God) talking in 
his sleep, which was a very customary thing with him, and 
lamenting this disposition in some professors, which he 
thus reproved : " I am a poor creature, says one, and I can do 
nothing, says another. No, and I am afraid you do not want 
to do much. I know you have no strength of your own, 
but how is it you do not cry to the Strong for strength ?" 

The late Hearer. — A minister whom I well knew, ob- 
serving that some of his people made a practice of coming 
in very late, and after a considerable part of the sermon was 
gone through, was determined that they should feel the force 
of a public reproof. One day, therefore, as they entered the 
place of worship at their usual late period, the minister, ad- 
dressing his congregation, said, "But, my hearers, it is time 
for us now to conclude, for here are our friends just come to 
fetch us home." We may easily conjecture what the par- 
ties felt at this curious but pointed address. 



A Hypocrite. — A hypocrite is a saint that goes by clock- 
work ; a machine made by the devil's geometry, which he 
winds and nicks to go as he pleases. He is the devil's finger 
watch that never goes true ; but too fast or too slow, as the 
devil sets it. A hypocrite's religion is a mummery, and his 
gospel walkings nothing but a masquerade. He never wears 
his own person, but assumes a shape, as the devil does when 
he appears. A hypocrite is a weathercock upon the steeple 
of the church, that turns with every wind. — Butler. 



Let me here just drop a word to those who, while they 
profess attachment to religion, only injure it by their irregu- 
larity of character. I believe nothing gives infidels a greater 
reason to suspect the reality of religion, nothing furnishes 
skeptics with stronger arguments for their tenets, nothing 
makes the profane more contented in their course of im- 
piety, than when they find those who profess superior sanc- 
tity no better than the world at large. Lord Rochester told 
Bishop Burnet that "there was nothing that gave him and 
many others a more secret encouragement in their ill ways 
than that those who pretended to believe lived so that they 



294 ANECDOTES. 

could not be thought to be in earnest." ye professors who 
are marked for volatility of disposition and indecision of char- 
acter, think what you are doing. Let not the sacred reli- 
gion of Jesus be wounded in the house of his friends. If 
religion be nothing in your view, act honestly ; give up the 
name ; but if it be (as it surely is) divine, then let all your 
powers be employed in its defence, and your life one con- 
tinued testimony of its excellence. 

The Barren Professors Reproved. — "What do ye 
more than others ?" is a very important inquiry for the 
Christian to consider. The sublime doctrines, holy pre- 
cepts, delightful promises, and bright prospects of the Chris- 
tian religion, all tend to excite to diligence and activity. 
Yet how many who call themselves Christians are outdone 
in many things, even by heathens ! These things ought not 
so to be. An Atheist being asked by a professor of Chris- 
tianity how he could quiet his conscience in so desperate a 
state, replied, " As much am I astonished as yourself, that, 
believing the Christian religion to be true, you can quiet 
your conscience in living so much like the world. Did I 
believe what you profess, I should think no care, no dili- 
gence, no zeal enough." Reader, dost thou believe ? then 
show thy faith by thy works. 

Faith and Works. — At a boarding-school in the vicinity 

of London, Miss , one of the scholars, was remarked 

for repeating her lessons well. A schoolfellow, rather idly 
inclined, said to her one day, " How is it you always say 
your lessons so perfectly ?" She replied, " I always pray 
that I may say my lessons well." " Do you ?" says the 
other ; " well, then, I will pray too." But, alas ! the next 
morning she could not repeat a word of her usual task. 
Very much confounded, she ran to her friend, and reproached 
her with having deceived her ; " I prayed," says she, " but I 
could not say a single word of my lesson." "Perhaps," 
rejoined the other, " you took no pains to learn it." " Learn 
it ! learn it !" answered the first, " I did not learn it at all : 
I thought I had no occasion to learn it when I prayed that 
I might say it." The reader will not fail to make the appli- 
cation. 



RELIGIOUS. 295 



VARIOUS CHRISTIAN DUTIES. 

Forgiving one Another. — A person in high life once 
went to Sir Eardley Wilmot, late lord-chief-justice of the 
Court of Common Pleas, under the impression of great wrath 
and indignation at a real injury which he had received from 
a person high in the political world, and which he was med- 
itating how to resent in the most effectual manner. After 
relating the particulars, he asked Sir Eardley if he did not 
think it would be manly to resent it! "Yes," said the or- 
nament of the bench, " it will be manly to resent it, but it 
will be godlike to forgive it." The gentleman declared that 
this had such an instantaneous effect upon him, that he came 
away quite a different man and in a totally different temper 
from that in which he went. 



" What great matter," said a heathen to a Christian, while 
he was beating him almost to death, " what great matter did 
Christ ever do for thee V " Even this," said the Christian ; 
11 that I can forgive you, though you use me thus cruelly." 

The Mistaken Doctor. — A lady, being visited with a 
violent disorder, was under the necessity of applying for 
medical assistance. Her doctor, being a gentleman of great 
latitude in his religious sentiments, endeavoured, in the 
course of his attendance, to persuade his patient to adopt his 
creed as well as to take his medicines. He frequently in- 
sisted, with a considerable degree of dogmatism, that repent- 
ance and reformation were all that either God or man could 
require of us, and that, consequently, there was no necessity 
for an atonement by the sufferings of the Son of God. As 
this was a doctrine the lady did not believe, she contented 
herself with following his medical prescriptions without em- 
bracing his religious, or, rather, irreligious creed. On her 
recovery she forwarded a note to the doctor, desiring the fa- 
vour of his company to tea when it suited his convenience, 
and requested him to make out his bill. In a short time he 
made his visit, and, the teatable being removed, she addressed 
him as follows : " My long illness has occasioned you a num- 
ber of journeys, and, I suppose, doctor, you have procured 
my medicines at considerable expense." The doctor ac- 
knowledged that " good drugs were not to be obtained but 
at a very high price." Upon which she replied, " I am sorry 
that I have put you to so much labour and expense, and also 



296 ANECDOTES. 

promise that, on any future indisposition, I will never trouble 
you again. So you see that I both repent and reform, and 
that is all you require." The doctor, immediately shrugging 
up his shoulders, exclaimed, " That will not do for me." 
The words of the wise are as goads. — Ecc. xii., 11. 

Perseverance. — Two negroes at the South, who had just 
been to hear an eloquent pulpit discourse, were conversing 
together respecting it, when one remarked that he could " no 
understand." The other replied that he understood all but 
one word. " What dat ?" " Perseverance /'" " Oh, me 
tell you what dat mean ; it mean, take right hold, hold fast, 
hang on, and no let go." 

Dr. Payson's Message to Young Men preparing for 
the Ministry. — "What if God should place in your hand 
a diamond, and tell you to inscribe on it a sentence which 
should be read at the last day, and shown there as an index 
of your own thoughts and feelings, what care, what caution 
would you exercise in the selection ! Now this is what God 
has done. He has placed before you immortal minds, more 
imperishable than the diamond, on which you are about to 
inscribe every day and every hour, by your instructions, by 
your spirit, or by your example, something which will remain 
and be exhibited for or against you at the judgment day." 



John Randolph's Mother. — The late John Randolph, 
some years before his death, wrote to a friend as follows : 

" I used to be called a Frenchman, because I took the 
French side in politics ; and though that was unjust, yet the 
truth is, I should have been a French atheist if it had not 
been for one recollection, and that was the memory of the 
time when my departed mother used to take my little hands 
in hers, and cause me on my knees to say, ' Our Father 
who art in heaven?" 



Effects of Parental Indulgence. — It is notorious that 
indulged children become hard-hearted, ungrateful, cruel to 
their parents in advanced life. There is no true and abiding 
love towards a parent where there is not genuine respect for 
authority. They first contemn his authority, then despise 
him, then hate him, then resent, disregard, and abuse him. 
They claim it as a right to have their wishes gratified ; they 
revenge refusal. Why should they not? They are but 
carrying out the principles in which he has educated them. 



RELIGIOUS. 297 

Their parent has taught them so. He has not trained them 
up in the way they should go, but in the way they would 
go. He has suffered human wisdom to reverse the mandate 
of Divine. He has accommodated his government to their 
selfish wills, instead of subduing those wills to rightful au- 
thority. The consequence is, a continued and growing mis- 
understanding and variance between them and the authorities 
over them, first between them and their parents, then between 
them and their teachers, then between them and their Bible. 
then between them and their God, and this breach gradually 
widens to an impassable gulf. — Winslow. 

Parents and Children. — It is of great importance how 
parents act towards their children. A wanton young lady 
once told her vicious mother, who was standing by her bed- 
side, " that it was too late to speak of God to her ; for," says 
she, " you have undone me, and I am going to hell before, 
and you will certainly come after." Plato, seeing a child 
doing mischief in the streets, went immediately and corrected 
its father for it. That father who does not correct his child 
when he does amiss is himself justly corrected for his faults, 
and it is the pattern of God's judicial proceedings ; for as he 
visits the iniquities of the fathers upon the children who im- 
itate them, so he visits the iniquities of the children upon 
the fathers who countenance and indulge them. 



Deliberation ; or, the Town-clerk of Ephesus. — 
Deliberation, which is the act of considering things before 
an undertaking or making choice, is very essential to our 
honour and comfort in the present state. " I have heard 
one say," observes Dr. Mather, " that there was a gentleman 
in the nineteenth chapter of Acts to whom he was more in- 
debted than to any man in the world. This was he whom 
our translation calls the Town-clerk of Ephesus, whose 
counsel it was to do nothing rashly. Upon any proposal of 
consequences, it was a usual speech with him, ' We shall 
first advise with the Town-clerk of Ephesus.' One, in a 
fond compliance with a friend, forgetting the town-clerk, 
may do that in haste which he may repent at leisure ; may 
do what may cost him several hundreds of pounds, besides 
troubles which he would not have undergone for thousands." 



Example. — One of the most effectual means of doing 
good and impressing the minds of others is by example. 
He who exhibits those excellences in his life which he pro- 

Pp 



298 ANECDOTES. 

claims with his tongue will appear the most amiable and 
prove the most useful. A fine genius, a retentive memory, 
and an eloquent tongue may be desirable, but an enlightened 
mind and uniform life are every way superior. Well-doing 
must be joined with well-thinking in order to form the Chris- 
tian and constitute real excellence of character. 

It is observed of Caesar that he never said to his soldiers 
" Ite," go on ; but " Venite," come on, or follow me. So 
our great Exemplar, while he commands us to duty, hath 
shown us the way. " Follow me," is the Divine injunction. 

Two architects were once candidates for the building a 
certain temple at Athens. The first harangued the crowd 
very learnedly upon the different orders of architecture, and 
showed them in what manner the temple should be built. 
The other, who got up after him, only observed, " That what 
his brother had spoken he could do ;" and thus he at once 
gained the cause. So, however excellent the discussion or 
profession of Christianity may be, the practice of it is far 
more so 



A Good Conscience is to the soul what health is to 
the body. It preserves a constant ease and serenity with 
us, that more than countervail all the calamities and afflic- 
tions that can befall us. I know nothing so hard for a gen- 
erous mind to get over as calumny and reproach, and nothing 
palliates the offence more than our consciousness that we do 
not deserve them. " If any one speaks ill of thee," said 
Epictetus, "consider whether he has truth on his side ; and, 
if so, reform thyself, that his censures may not affect thee." 
When Anaximander was told that the very boys laughed at 
his singing, " Ay," says he, "then I must learn to sing bet- 
ter." Plato being told that he had many enemies who spoke 
ill of him, " It is no matter," said he ; "I will live so that 
none shall believe them." Hearing at another time that an 
intimate friend of his had spoken detractingly of him, " I am 
sure he would not do it," said he, " if he had not some rea- 
son for it." This is the surest as well as the noblest way 
of drawing the sting out of a reproach, and the true method 
of preparing a man for that great and only relief against the 
pains of calumny — a good conscience. 



Humility. — "Should any one," saith St. Augustine, " ask 
me concerning the Christian religion and the people of it, 
J would answer that the first, second, and third things there- 
in, and all, is humility." 



RELIGIOUS. 299 

Ignatius was so humble that he disdained not to learn of 
any. Gregory the Great was so exemplary in his humility, 
that, though he was born of noble parents, yet he had so lit- 
tle respect to his descent, that he would often say, with 
tears in his eyes, " that all glory was miserable if the owner 
of it did not seek after the glory of God." King Agathocles 
would be served in earthen vessels, to remind him of his 
father, who was a poor potter. Wellegis, archbishop of 
Mentz, being a wheelwright's son, hung wheels and wheel- 
wright's tools about his bedchamber, and wrote under them, 
in capital letters, " Wellegis, Wellegis, remember thy ori- 
ginal." " This is all I know," said a philosopher, " that I 
know nothing." 

Mr. J. Fletcher. — It is recorded of the Rev. Mr. Fletch- 
er, that he never thought anything too mean but sin; he 
looked on nothing else as beneath his character. If he 
overtook a poor man or woman on the road with a burden 
too heavy for them, he did not fail to offer his assistance to 
bear part of it ; and he would not easy take a denial. This, 
indeed, he has frequently done. 

When Lord North, during the American war, sent to the 
Rev. Mr. Fletcher, of Medeley (who had written on the un- 
fortunate American war in a manner that had pleased the 
minister), to know what he wanted, he sent him word that 
he wanted but one thing (which it was not in his lordship's 
power to give him), and that was, more grace. " Sit anima 
mea cum Fletchero." 



The Minister's Pkayer-book. — The pastor of a congre- 
gation in America, after many years' labour among his peo- 
ple, was supposed by them to have declined much in his 
vigour and usefulness ; in consequence of which, two gen- 
tlemen of the congregation waited upon him and exhibited 
their complaints. The minister received them with much 
affection, and assured them that he was equally sensible of 
his languor and little success, and that the cause had given 
him very great uneasiness. The gentlemen wished he 
would mention what he thought was the cause. Without 
hesitation, the minister replied, " The loss of my prayer- 
book." " Your prayer-book !" said one of the gentlemen, 
with surprise ; " I never knew you used one." " Yes," re- 
plied the minister, " I have enjoyed the benefit of one fqr 
many years till lately, and I attribute my want of success 
to the loss of it. The prayers of my people were my prayer- 



300 ANECDOTES 

book, and it has occasioned great grief to me that they 
have laid it aside. Now if you will return and procure me 
the use of my prayer-book again, I doubt not that I shall 
preach much better, and that you will hear more profitably." 
The gentlemen, conscious of their neglect, thanked the min- 
ister for the reproof, and wished him a good-morning. 

Civility. — " If a civil word or two will render a man 
happy," said a French king, " he must be a wretch indeed 
who will not give them to him." Were superiors to keep 
this in view, yea, were all mankind to observe it, how much 
happier would the world be than what it is? We may say 
of this disposition, " that it is like lighting another man's can- 
dle by one's own, which loses none of its light by what the 
other gains." 

Frederic II., king of Prussia, made it a point to return every 
mark of respect or civility shown him in the street by those 
who met him. He one day observed at table, that, whenever 
he rode the streets of Berlin, his hat was always in his hand. 
Baron Pollnitz, who was present, said " that his majesty 
had no occasion to notice the civility of every one who 
pulled his hat off to him in the street." " And why not ?" 
said the king, in a lively tone: "are they not all human 
beings as well as myself?" 

It was a maxim of a celebrated minister, " that if a child 
but lisped to give you pleasure, you ought, to be pleased." 
When occasionally preaching in the villages, he used to be 
delighted in visiting the poor, and, when solicited, would re- 
gale himself with their brown bread and black tea ; but took 
care, at the same time, that they should lose nothing by their 
attention. " When a poor person shows anxiety to admin- 
ister to your comfort," he would say, "do not interrupt him. 
Why deprive him of the pleasure of expressing his friend 
ship ?" 

The Sabbath. — Bishop Andrews observes, " that to keep 
the Sabbath in an idle manner is the Sabbath of oxen and 
asses ; to keep it in a jovial manner, to see plays and sights, 
to be at cards and entertainments, is the Sabbath of the gold- 
en calf; but to keep it in surfeiting and drunkenness, in 
chambering and wantonness, this is the Sabbath of Satan, 
and the devil's holyday." 

The Sabbath-breaker Silenced. — A pious poor old 
mail of our church at , in reasoning with a Sabbath- 






RELIGIOUS. 301 

breaker, said, " Suppose now I had seven shillings, and sup- 
pose I met a man and gave him six shillings freely out of 
the seven ; what would you say to that ?" " Why, I should 
say you were very kind, and that the man ought to be thank- 
ful. 1 ' " Well, but suppose he was to knock me down and 
rob me of the other shilling ; what then ?" " Why, then he'd 
deserve hanging." " Well, now, this is your case ; ' thou art 
the man ;' God has freely given you six days to work and 
earn your bread, and the seventh he has kept for himself, 
and commands us to keep it holy ; but you, not satisfied with 
the six days God has given, rob him of the seventh ; what, 
then, do you deserve ?" The man was silenced. 

Washington. — In the town of , in Connecticut, 

where the roads were extremely rough, Washington was 
overtaken by night on Saturday, not being able to reach the 
village where he designed to rest on the Sabbath. Next 
morning, about sunrise, his coach was harnessed, and he was 
proceeding forward to an inn near the place of worship 
which he proposed to attend. A plain man, who was an in- 
forming officer, came from a cottage and inquired of the 
coachman whether there was any urgent reasons for his trav- 
elling on the Lord's day.- The general, instead of resenting 
this as an impertinent rudeness, ordered the coachman to 
stop, and with great civility explained the circumstances to 
the officer, commending him for his fidelity, and assured him 
that nothing was farther from his intention than to treat with 
disrespect the laws and usages of Connecticut relative to 
the Sabbath, which met with his most cordial approbation. 



RESTITUTION. 

Anecdote by Dr. Clarke. — A gentleman in at- 
tended the preaching of Dr. Clarke, and was deeply convin- 
ced of sin. With strong prayer and tears he sought pardon, 
but found not. Being confined by sickness soon after, he 
sent for Dr. Clarke, who came ; but learning how long he 
had mourned, and with what earnestness he had sought sal- 
vation, he secretly wondered at God's so long withholding 
freedom from such deep repentance ; and finding the lamp 
of life burning low, and mental agony hurrying on its extinc- 
tion, with tender but firm language he said, " It is not often, 
Mr. — — , that God thus deals with a soul so deeply hum- 



302 ANECDOTES. 

bled as yours, and in his own appointed way seeking redemp- 
tion. Sir, there must be a cause. You have left something 
undone which it is your duty and interest to have done. God 
judge between you and it." 

Fixing his eyes intently on Dr. Clarke, the gentleman gave 

the following narration : " In the year I was at , 

and took my passage in the ship for England. Before 

sailing, some merchants put on board a small bag of dollars, 
which were given in charge to the captain for such and such 
parties. I saw the transaction, and noticed the captain's 
carelessness, who left the bag day after day rolling upon the 
locker. For the simple purpose of frightening him, I hid it. 
He made no inquiries, and we arrived at . I still re- 
tained it till it should be missed. Months passed, and still 
no inquiry was made. The parties to whom it had been 
consigned came to the captain for it. He remembered re- 
ceiving it in charge, but no more. It must have been left 
behind. Search was made, letters written, but it could not 
be found. All this occupied some months. I had now be- 
come alarmed and ashamed to confess, lest I should implicate 
my character. 

" The captain was sued, and, having nothing to pay, was 
cast into prison. He maintained his innocence as to the 
theft, but confessed his carelessness. He languished two 
years in prison, and died. Guilt had by this time hardened 
my mind. I strove to be happy in the amusements of the 
world, but all in vain. Under your preaching the voice of 
God broke in upon my conscience. I have agonized at the 
throne of mercy for the sake of Christ for pardon ; but God 
is deaf to my prayer. I must go down to the grave unpar- 
doned, unsaved." 

Dr. Clarke suggested to the dying penitent that God claim- 
ed from him not only repentance, but restitution. The wid- 
ow and fatherless children still lived. The gentleman read- 
ily consented. The sum, with interest and compound inter- 
est, was made up and given to the widow, to whom the cir- 
cumstances were made known. The dying man's mind was 
calmed, and soon, in firm hope of pardon, he died. 

"The Dread of Something after Death." — When the 
Angel of Death hovers over the bed of sickness, the com- 
punctious visitings of conscience come upon the soul of the 
guilty, and bring with them the horror of remorse, late re- 
pentance, and the desire of restitution. It is one of the most 
consoling articles of the Christian faith that such repentance 



RELIGIOUS. 303 

is followed with hope of forgiveness, peace of mind, and 
quiet resignation. A fact just related to us it may be useful 
to record, as an admonitory lesson to all who may fall into 
the like temptation. In the course of the forenoon of yes- 
terday, a person called at the office of Messrs. Beers ami 
Bunnell, and handed to Mr. Beers the sum of twenty dol- 
lars, stating that it was from a young man who, in changing 
money for his master, received that sum above what he 
should have received, at Beers and Bunnell's office, and, 
without saying anything of it to his master, appropriated it 
to his own use. The person who handed in the money de- 
clined giving the name of the conscience-struck young man, 
but observed that he was lying on a bed of sickness, proba- 
bly of death, and that he could not rest in view of the here- 
after till the money had been returned as evidence of his 
bitter contrition. — N. Y. Statesman. 



The Practical Hearer. — A poor woman in the country 
went to hear a sermon, wherein, among other evil practices, 
the use of dishonest weights and measures was exposed. 
With this discourse she was much affected. The next day, 
when the minister, according to his custom, went among his 
hearers, and called upon the woman, he took occasion to ask 
her what she remembered of his sermon. The poor woman 
complained much of her bad memory, and said she had for- 
gotten almost all that he delivered. " But one thing," said 
she, " I remembered ; I remembered to burn my bushel." 
A doer of the word cannot be a forgetful hearer. 



SLANDER. 

A Persian soldier, who was heard reviling Alexander the 
Great, was well admonished by his officer : " Sir, you are 
paid to fight against Alexander, and not to rail at him" 
May we not say of mankind at large that they are bound to 
pray for their enemies, and not to rail at them ? 

Among the Romans there was a law, that if any servant 
who had been set free slandered his former master, the 
master might bring him into bondage again, and take from 
him all the favours he had bestowed on him. 



Augustine had a distich written on his table, w r hich inti- 



304 ANECDOTES. 

mated that whoever attacked the character of the absent 
were to be excluded. Such a distich, in modern times, I 
think, would be very serviceable. 

When any one was speaking ill of another in the presence 
of Peter the Great, he at first listened to him attentively, 
and then interrupted him. "Is there not," said he, " a fair 
side also to the character of the person of whom you are 
speaking ? Come, tell me what good qualities you have 
remarked about him." One would think this monarch had 
learned that precept, " Speak not evil one of another." 

The famous Boerhaave was one not easily moved by de- 
traction. He used to say, " The sparks of calumny will be 
presently extinct of themselves unless you blow them." It 
was a good remark of another, that " the malice of ill tongues 
cast upon a good man is only like a mouthful of smoke 
blown upon a diamond, which, though it clouds its beauty 
for i lie present, yet it is easily rubbed off, and the gem re- 
stored, with little trouble to its owner." 



Valuable Sentence. — If your enemy is forced to have 
recourse to a lie to blacken you, consider what a comfort it 
is to think of your having supported such a character as to 
render it impossible for malice to hurt you without the aid 
of falsehood ; and trust to the genuine fairness of your char- 
acter to clear itself in the end. 



Origin of Slander. — Mother Jasper told me that she 
heard Greatwood's wife say that John Hardston's aunt 
mentioned to her that Mrs. Lusty was present when the 
widow Barkman said that HertalPs cousin thought Ensign 
Doolittle's sister believed that old Miss Oxley reckoned that 
Sam Trifle's better half had told Mrs. Spaulding that she 
heard John Rheumer's woman say that her mother told her 
that Mrs. Garden had two husbands ! ! 



Rev. Mr. Haynes. — The late Royal Tyler, chief justice 
of Vermont, when on his circuit at Rutland, frequently spent 
an evening with Mr. Haynes, of whose talents and principles 
he ever expressed himself in terms of the highest admiration. 
He often entertained his family and friends on his return 
home with anecdotes strikingly illustrative of Mr. Haynes's 
quickness of perception and reply. 

The two following will furnish a specimen : 



RELIGIOUS. 305 

Happening one day to pass by the open door of a room 
where his daughters and some young friends were assembled, 
he thought, from what he overheard, they were making too 
free with the characters of their neighbours ; and after their 
visiters had departed he gave his children a lecture on the 
sinfulness of scandal. They answered, " But, father, what 
shall we talk about ? We must talk of something." " If 
you can do nothing else," said he, " get a pumpkin and roll 
it about; that will at least be innocent diversion." A short 
time afterward an association of ministers met at his house, 
and during the evening discussions upon some points of 
Christian doctrine were earnest, and their voices were so 
loud as to indicate the danger of losing the Christian temper ; 
when his eldest daughter overhearing them, procured a 
pumpkin, entered the room, gave it to her father, and said, 
" There, father, roll it about, roll it about." Mr. Haynes was 
obliged to explain, and good-humour was instantly restored. 
When a revival of religion was in progress in his parish, 
and Satan gave intimations of dissatisfaction (as he is wont 
to do at such times), some of his students, having been slan- 
dered for their zeal and activity, made their complaints to 
him of what they had suffered, and expected his sympathy 
and protection. After a pause Mr. Haynes observed, " I 
knew all this before." "Why, then," said one, "did you 
not inform us ?" " Because," said he, " it was not worth 
communicating ; and I now tell you plainly, and once for 
all, my young friends, it is best to let the devil carry his 
own mail and bear its expenses." 



BIGOTRY AND PREJUDICE. 

Nothing is more opposite to the spirit of Christianity than 
bigotry. " This," as one observes, " arraigns, and condemns, 
and executes all that do not bow down and worship the im- 
age of its idolatry. Possessing exclusive prerogative, it 
rejects every other claim. How many of the dead has it 
sentenced to eternal misery who will shine for ever as stars 
in the kingdom of their Father ! How many living charac- 
ters does it reprobate as enemies to the cross of Christ who 
are placing in it all their glory !" 

A bigoted, litigious Christian, if he be right in his opin- 
ions (which is much to be doubted), is wrong in his way of 
defending them : he keeps a doctrine and breaks a com- 
mandment. 



306 ANECDOTES. 

Dr. Berkeley, late prebendary of Canterbury, in his ser 
mon on the 1st Tim. i., 15, declares that salvation is prom- 
ised only to the episcopal church; and another modern 
divine, in a recent publication, devoutly gives up all dissent- 
ers from episcopacy to the uncovenanted mercies of God. 
Benign Jehovah, defend us from such illiberality ! 

Mr. Staunton. — When Mr. Staunton preached a lecture 

on Lord's day afternoon at , in Oxfordshire, his labours 

were so acceptable that people flocked from all parts to hear 
him. This was not pleasing to the incumbent, who took the 
more time in reading prayers, that this novel lecturer might 
have the less time for preaching, and then left the church, 
but was followed by none but his clerk, whom he would not 
suffer to give out the psalm. Mr. Staunton had preached 
some time on that text, " Buy the truth and sell it not ;" 
upon which the incumbent, when he met any coming into 
the church as he went out, would say, with a sneer, 
" What ! are you going to buy the truth ?" Poor creature, 
how it hurt him to see all the people going one way, while 
he and his clerk were going another ! 



Luther. — Wickliffe's bones were dug up forty years 
after he was buried, and thrown into the river. But it de- 
serves to be recorded of Charles V. that he would not suf- 
fer Luther's bones to be touched, though he was an avowed 
enemy to him. While Charles's troops were quartered at 
Wirtemberg in 1547, which was one year after Luther's 
death, a soldier gave Luther's effigy, in the church of the 
castle, two stabs with his dagger; and the Spaniards ear- 
nestly desired that his tomb might be pulled down, and his 
bones dug up and burned ; but the emperor wisely answered, 
" I have nothing farther to do with Luther ; he has hence- 
forth another Judge, whose jurisdiction it is not lawful for 
me to usurp. Know that I make no war with the dead, but 
with the living, who still make war with me." He would 
not, therefore, suffer his tomb to be demolished, and he for- 
bade any attempt of that nature, upon pain of death. 

Dr. Cheynell. — Such is the nature of bigotry and such 
the evil of prejudice, that it insults the dead as well as the 
living. Chillingworth's book, entitled "The Religion of 
Protestants, a Safe Way to Salvation," is acknowledged to 
be one of the most solid and rational defences of Protestant- 
ism ever published. But such was Dr. Cheynell's preju- 



RELIGIOUS. 307 

dice against it, that, when Chillingworth was buried, he came 
to his grave with this book in his hand, and, after a short 
preamble to the people, in which he assured them how happy 
it would be for the kingdom if this book and all its fellows 
could be so buried that they might never rise more unless 
it were for a confutation, "Get thee gone," said he, "thou 
cursed book, which has seduced so many precious souls ; 
get thee gone, thou corrupt, rotten book, earth to earth, dust 
to dust, get thee gone into the place of rottenness, that thou 
mayst rot with thy author, and see corruption." Poor doc- 
tor ! how feeble thy efforts, how ineffectual thy wishes ! 
Protestantism yet lives and flourishes, and we have reason 
to believe it will live and extend itself in all directions ; and 
for this reason, because it is the religion of the Bible and 
the cause of truth. Enemies it may and will have, but, 
" being divine, it is incapable of being wounded, and will, in 
the issue, walk with a meek and godlike dignity over the 
graves of her opponents, and finally triumph in the complete 
blessedness of all her adherents." 



Bigoted Hearer. — A person meeting another returning 
after having heard a popular preacher, said to him, " Well, 
I hope you have been highly gratified." " Indeed I have," 
replied the other. " I wish I could have prevailed on you 
to hear him : I am sure you would never have relished any 
other preacher afterward." " Then," replied the wiser 
Christian, " I am determined I never will hear him, for I 
wish to hear such a preacher as will give me so high a relish 
and esteem for the word of God, that I shall receive it with 
greater eagerness and delight whenever it is delivered." 



PRIDE. 



(Related by Mr. Brydone) " At Bologna they showed us 
the skeleton of a celebrated beauty, who died at a period of 
life when she was still the object of universal admiration. 
By way of making atonement for her own vanity, she be- 
queathed herself as a monument to curb the vanity of others. 
Recollecting on her deathbed the great adulation that had 
been paid to her charms, and the fatal change they were soon 
to undergo, she ordered that her body should be dissected 
and her bones hung up for the inspection of all young maid- 
ens who are inclined to be vain of their beauty." 



308 ANECDOTES. 

Saladin the Great. — It is said of Saladin the Great, alter 
he had subdued Egypt, and passed the Euphrates, and con- 
quered cities without number; after he had retaken Jerusa- 
lem, and performed exploits more than human in those wars 
which superstition had stirred up for the recovery of the Holy 
Land, he finished his life in the performance of an action 
that ought to be transmitted to the most distant posterity. 

A moment before he uttered his last sigh, he called the 
herald who had carried his banner before him in all his bat- 
tles ; he commanded him to fasten to the top of a lance the 
shroud in which the dying prince was soon to be buried. 
" Go," said he, " carry the lance, unfurl this banner ; and, 
while you lift up this standard, proclaim, This, this is all that 
remains to Saladin the Great (the conqueror and the king of 
the empire) of all his glory." 

" Christians," says Saurin, " I perform to-day the office of 
this herald. I fasten to the staff of a spear sensual and in- 
tellectual pleasures, worldly riches, and human honours. All 
these I reduce to the price of crape in which you will be 
shortly buried. This standard of death I lift up in your 
sight, and I cry, This, this is all that will remain to you of 
the possessions for which you exchanged your souls." 



A Dervis. — A sultan, amusing himself with walking, ob- 
served a dervis sitting with a human scull in his lap, and 
appearing to be in a profound revery : his attitude and man- 
ner surprised the sultan, who demanded the cause of his 
being so deeply engaged in reflection. " Sire," said the der- 
vis, " this scull was presented to me this morning; and I 
have from that moment been endeavouring, in vain, to dis- 
cover whether it is the scull of a powerful monarch like 
your majesty or a poor dervis like myself." 

A humbling consideration, truly ! 

ENVY. 

" Base envy withers at another's joy, 
And hates that excellence it cannot reach." 

Cambyses, king of Persia, slew his brother Smerdis out 
of envy, because he could draw a stronger bow than him- 
self or any of his followers ; and the monster Caligula slew 
his brother because he was a beautiful young man. 

Mutius, a citizen of Rome, was noted to be of such an 
envious and malicious disposition, that Publius, one day ob- 
serving him to be very sad, said, " Either some great evil is 
happened to Mutius, or some great good to another." 



•; ■.!,;.,.( I s 309 

"Dionysius the tyrant," says Plutarch, " out of envy, pun- 
ished Philoxenius the musician because he could sing ; and 
Plato the philosopher because he could dispute better than 
himself." 



Examples of Pride. — When one asked a philosopher 
what the great God was doing, he replied, " His whole em- 
ployment is to lift up the humble and to cast down the 
proud." And, indeed, there is no one sin which the Al- 
mighty seems more determined to punish than this. The 
examples of God's displeasure against it are most strikingly 
exhibited in the histories of Pharaoh, Hezekiah, Haman, 
Nebuchadnezzar, and Herod. 

One day, when Alcibiades was boasting of his wealth and 
the great estates in his possession (which generally blow up 
the pride of young people of quality), Socrates carried him 
to a geographical map, and asked him to find Attica. It 
was so small that it could scarcely be discerned upon the 
draught ; he found it, however, though with some difficulty ; 
but, upon being desired to point out his own estate there, 
" It is too small," says he, " to be distinguished in so little 
a space." "See, then," replied Socrates, "how much you 
are affected about an imperceptible point of land !" This 
reasoning might have been urged much farther still. For 
what was Attica compared to all Greece, Greece to Europe, 
Europe to the whole world, and the whole world itself to 
the vast extent of the infinite orbs which surround it ? 
What an insect, what a nothing is the most powerful prince 
of the earth in the midst of this abyss of bodies and immense 
spaces, and how little of it does he occupy ! 

Instability of Greatness. — A favourite of Ptolemy, 
king of Egypt, had risen to so high a degree of honour that 
he used to say he had but two discontentments in this life ; 
the first was, that he could grow no greater, so great was he 
already become ; and the second, that the king, with all his 
revenues, seemed to him too poor to add any sensible in- 
crease to his. Not many days after this the arrogant upstart 
was detected by Ptolemy in a treacherous intrigue, con- 
demned to be hung before his own door, and all his effects 
confiscated. 

The Great and the Small lie together. — Diogenes 
was not in the wrong, who, when the great Alexander, find- 
ing him in the charnel-house, asked him what he was seek- 



310 ANECDOTES. 

ing for, answered, " I am seeking for your father's bones 
and those of my slave ; but I cannot find them, because 
there is no difference between them." 



COVETOUSNESS. 

Achan's covetous humour made him steal that wedge of 
gold which served to cleave his soul from God; it made 
Judas betray Christ ; " what will ye give me, and I will de- 
liver him unto you ?" It made Absalom attempt to pluck 
the crown from his father's head. He that is a Demas 
will soon prove a Judas. 2 Tim. hi., 2, " Men shall be cov- 
etous ;" and it follows in the next verse, traitors. When 
covetousness is in the premises, treason will be in the con- 
clusion. Why did Ahab stone Naboth to death but to pos- 
sess the vineyard ? 

The covetous person bows down to the image of gold. 
His money is his god, for he puts his trust in it. Money is 
his creator; when he hath abundance of wealth, then he 
thinks he is made : it is his redeemer; if he be in any strait 
or trouble, he flies to his money, and that must redeem him : 
it is his comforter ; when he is sad, he tells over his money, 
and with this golden harp he drives away the evil spirit : 
when you see a covetous man, you may say there goes an 
idolater. 

In the parable, the thorn choked the seed. This is the 
reason the word preached doth no more good ; the seed often 
falls among thorns ; thousands of sermons lie buried in earthly 
hearts. A covetous man hath a withered hand ; he cannot 
reach it out to clothe or feed such as are in want. 



" Oh cursed lust of gold ! when for thy sake 
The fool throws up his interest in both worlds, 
First starved in this, then damn'd in that to come.*' 

Blair. 

" Joshua," says Ambrose, " could stop the course of the 
sun, but all his power could not stop the course of avarice. 
The sun stood still, but avarice went on. Joshua obtained 
a victory when the sun stood still ; but, when avarice was at 
work, Joshua was defeated." 



Mr. Ostervald. — In December, 1790, died at Paris, 
literally of want, Mr. Ostervald, a well-known banker. This 
man felt the violence of the disease of avarice (for surely it 






RELIGIOUS. 31 1 

is rather a disease than a passion of the mind) so strongly 
that, within a few days of his death, no importunities could 
induce him to buy a few pounds of meat for the purpose of 
making a little soup for him. " Tis true," said he, " I should 
not dislike the soup, but I have no appetite for the meat; 
what, then, is to become of that ?" At the time that he re- 
fused this nourishment, for fear of being obliged to give away 
two or three pounds of meat, there was tied round his neck 
a silken bag which contained 800 assignats of 1000 livres 
each. At his outset in life he drank a pint of beer, which 
served him for supper, every night at a house much fre- 
quented, from which he carried home all the bottle corks he 
could come at : of these, in the course of eight years, he had 
collected as many as sold for 12 louis d'ors ; a sum that 
laid the foundation of his future fortune, the superstructure of 
which was rapidly raised by his uncommon success in stock- 
jobbing. He died possessed of 125,000/. sterling. 



Constantine. — Constantine the Great, in order to re- 
claim a miser, took a lance and marked out a space of 
ground of the size of the human body, and told him, " Add 
heap to heap, accumulate riches upon riches, extend the 
bounds of your possessions, conquer the whole world, and 
in a few days such a spot as this will be all you will have." 
" I take this spear," says Saurin ; " I mark out this space 
among you ; in a few days you will be worth no more than 
this. Go to the tomb of the avaricious man ; go down and 
see his coffin and his shroud ; in a few davs these may be 
all you will have." 



Mr. Elwes. — There have been few persons in whom 
avarice has predominated more than in the late Mr. Elwes. 
His mother, indeed, was excessively avaricious ; and though 
she was left nearly 100,000/. by her husband, yet she abso- 
lutely starved herself to death. Mr. Elwes seemed not less 
wretched than his mother. At his house at Stoke, in Suf- 
folk, if a window were broken, it was mended by a piece 
of brown paper, or by patching it with a small bit of glass ; 
and this had been done so frequently and in so many shapes, 
that it would have puzzled a mathematician to say what fig- 
ure they represented. To save fire, he would walk about 
the remains of an old greenhouse, or sit with a servant in 
the kitchen ! In the advance of the season his morning em- 
ployment was to pick up chips, bones, or anything he could 
find, and carry them home in his pocket for fire ! One day he 



312 ANECDOTES. 

was surprised by a neighbouring gentleman in the act of pull- 
ing down, with great difficulty, a crow's nest for this purpose ; 
and when the gentleman wondered why he should give him- 
self so much trouble, " Oh, sir," replied Elwes, " it is really 
a shame that these creatures should do so ; do but see what 
waste they make. They don't care how extravagant they 
are." He would almost eat anything to save expense. At 
a time when he was worth eight hundred thousand pounds 
he would eat game at the last state of putrefaction, and meat 
that no other person could touch ! As to his dress, anything 
would do. He wore a wig for a fortnight which he had picked 
up in a rut in the lane when riding with another gentleman. 
His shoes he never suffered to be cleaned, lest they should 
be worn out the sooner. As the infirmities of old age, how- 
ever, came upon him, he began to be more wretched. It is 
said that he was heard frequently at midnight as if struggling 
with some one in his chamber, and crying out, " I will keep 
my money ; nobody shall rob me of my property." There 
are many other remarkable circumstances related of him, 
but what we have already quoted will afford a striking proof 
of the vanity of sublunary things, and of the insufficiency of 
riches to render mankind happy. 

Daniel Dancer, Esq. — Daniel Dancer, Esq., was re- 
markable for a miserly disposition. Lady Tempest was 
the only person who had the least influence on this unfortu- 
nate man. She had one day the pleasure of prevailing on 
him to purchase a hat (having worn his own for thirteen 
years) from a Jew for a shilling ; but, to her great surprise, 
when she called the next day, she saw the old chapeau still 
covered his head ! On inquiry it was found that, after 
much solicitation, he had prevailed on old Griffiths, his ser- 
vant, to purchase the hat for eighteen pence, which Mr. 
Dancer bought the day before for a shilling ! He generally, 
in severe weather, laid in bed to keep himself warm ; to 
light a fire he thought expensive, though he had 3000Z. per 
annum, besides immense riches! He never took snuff, for 
that was extravagant, but he always carried a snuffbox f 
This probably he would fill in the course of a month by 
pinches obtained from others ! When the box was full he 
would barter the contents for a farthing candle at a neigh- 
bouring green grocer's ; this candle was made to last till the 
box was again full, as he never suffered any light in his 
house except while he was going to bed. He seldom 
washed his face and hands but when the sun shone forth ; 



RE L I G I U S. 313 

then he would betake himself to a neighbouring pool, and 
used sand instead of soap ; when he was washed he would 
lie on his back, and dry himself in the sun, as he never used 
a towel, for that would wear, and, when dirty, the washing 
was expensive. Since his death there have been jugs of 
dollars and shillings found in the stable. At the dead of 
night he has been known to go to this place, but for what, 
purpose even Old Griffiths could not tell ; but it now ap- 
pears that he used to rob one jug to add to the other. 

Three Misers. — Sir Harvey Elwes, the miser, notwith- 
standing his dislike of society, was a member of a club 
which occasionally met at his own village of Stoke, and to 
which belonged two other baronets besides himself, Sir 
Cordwell Firebras and Sir John Barnardiston. With these 
three, though all rich, the reckoning was always a subject 
of the minutest investigation. One day, when they were en- 
gaged in settling this difficult point, a wag, who was a mem- 
ber, called out to a friend that was passing, " For Heaven's 
sake step up stairs and assist the poor ! Here are three 
baronets, worth a million of money, quarrelling about a far- 
thing." 

Petersburgh Miser. — A Russian merchant, who was 
so immensely rich that on one occasion he lent the Empress 
Catharine the Second a million of rubles, used to live in a 
small, obscure room at St. Petersburgh, with scarcely any 
fire, furniture, or attendants, though his house was larger 
than many palaces. He buried his money in casks in the 
cellar, and was so great a miser that he barely allowed him- 
self the common necessaries of life. He placed his prince 
pal security in a large dog of singular fierceness, which used 
to protect the premises by barking nearly the whole of the 
night. At length the dog died ; when the master, either 
impelled by his avarice from buying another dog, or fearing 
that he might not meet with one which he could so well de- 
pend on, adopted the singular method of performing the 
canine service himself, by going his rounds every evening, 
and barking as well and as loud as he could, in imitation of 
his faithful sentinel. 



Vandille. — M. Vandille was the most remarkable man 
in Paris, both on account of his immense riches and his ex- 
treme avarice. He lodged as high up as the roof would 
admit, to avoid noise or visits ; maintained one poor old 

Rr 14 



314 ANECDOTES. 

woman to attend him in his garret, and allowed her only 
seven sous per week, or a half-penny per day. 

His usual diet was bread and milk ; and, by way of in- 
dulgence, some poor sour wine on a Sunday. This prudent 
economist had been a magistrate or officer at Boulogne, 
from which obscurity he was promoted to Paris for the 
reputation of his wealth, which he lent upon undeniable se- 
curity to the public funds, not caring to trust individuals 
with what constituted all his happiness. While a magistrate 
at Boulogne, he maintained himself by taking upon him to 
he milk-taster-general at the market, and from one to another 
filled his belly and washed down his bread without expense 
to himself. 



A Covetous Bishop. — John Cameron, bishop of Glasgow, 
was so given to covetousness, extortion, violence, and op- 
pression, especially upon his own tenants and vassals, that 
he would scarcely afford them bread to eat or clothes to 
cover their nakedness. But the night before Christmas-day, 
and in the midst of all his cruelties, as he lay in his bed at 
his house in Lockwood, he heard a voice summoning him 
to appear before the tribunal of Christ, and give an account 
of his actions. Being terrified with this notice and the 
pangs of a guilty conscience, he called up his servants, com- 
manding them to bring lights and stay in the room with him. 
He himself took a book in his hand and began to read ; but 
the voice, being heard a second time, struck all the servants 
with horror. The same voice repeating the summons a 
third time, and with a louder and more dreadful accent, the 
bishop, after a lamentable and frightful groan, was found 
dead in his bed, with his tongue hanging out of his mouth, 
a dreadful spectacle to all beholders. This relation is made 
by the celebrated historian Buchanan, who records it as a 
remarkable example of God's judgment against the sin of 
oppression. 

Fair Award. — A peasant once entered the hall of justice 
aft Florence at the time that Alexander, duke of Tuscany, 
was presiding. He stated that he had the good fortune to 
find a purse of sixty ducats ; and learning that it belonged 
to Friuli the merchant, who offered a reward of ten ducats 
to the finder, he restored it to him, but that he had refused 
the promised reward. The duke instantly ordered Friuli to 
be summoned into his presence, and questioned why he re- 
fused the reward. The merchant replied "that he con- 



RELIGIOUS. 315 

ceived the peasant had paid himself; for although, when he 
gave notice of his loss, he said this purse only contained 
sixty ducats, it in fact had seventy in it." The duke inquired 
if this mistake was discovered before the purse was found. 
Friuli answered in the negative. " Then," said the duke, 
11 as I have a very high opinion of the honesty of this peasant, 
I am induced to believe that there is indeed a mistake in 
this transaction ; for as the purse you lost had in it seventy 
ducats, and this which he found contains sixty only, it is 
impossible that it can be the same." He then gave the 
purse to the peasant, and promised to protect him against all 
future claimants. 



Avaricious Characters. — The greatest endowments of 
the mind, the greatest abilities in a profession, and even 
the quiet possession of an immense treasure, will never pre- 
vail against avarice. My Lord-chancellor Hardwick, when 
worth eight hundred thousand pounds, set the same value 
on half a crown then as when he was worth only one hun- 
dred pounds. That great captain, the Duke of Marlborough, 
when he was in the last stage of life and very infirm, would 
walk from the public rooms in Bath to his lodgings in a 
cold, dark night, to save sixpence in chair-hire. He died 
worth more than a million and a half sterling, which was 
inherited by a grandson of Lord Trevor's, who had been 
one of his enemies. Sir James Lowther, after changing a 
piece of silver and paying twopence for a dish of coffee in 
George's coffeehouse, was helped into his chariot (for he 
was then very lame and infirm), and went home ; some little 
time after he returned to the same coffeehouse on purpose 
to acquaint the woman who kept it that she had given him 
a bad halfpenny, and demanded another in exchange for it. 
Sir James had about forty thousand pounds per annum, and 
was at a loss whom to appoint his heir.' I knew one Sir 
Thomas Colby, who lived at Kensington, and was, I think, 
a commissioner in the victualling office ; he killed himself 
by rising in the night when he was under the effect of a su- 
dorific, and going down stairs to look for the key of his cel- 
lar, which he had inadvertently left on a table in his parlour ; 
he was apprehensive his servants might seize the key and 
deprive him of a bottle of wine. This man died intestate, 
and left more than two hundred thousand pounds in the funds, 
which was shared among five or six day-labourers, who 
were his nearest relatives. — Dr. King's Anecdotes. 



316 ANECDOTES. 

Vanity of the World. — Charles V., emperor of Ger- 
many, king of Spain, and lord of the Netherlands, was born 
at Ghent in the year 1500. He is said to have fought sixty 
battles, in most of which he was victorious ; to have obtained 
six triumphs ; conquered four kingdoms ; and to have added 
eight principalities to his dominions ; an almost unparalleled 
instance of worldly prosperity and the greatness of human 
glory. But all these fruits of his ambition and all the hon- 
ours that attended him could not yield him true and solid 
satisfaction. Reflecting on the evils and miseries which he 
had occasioned, and convinced of the emptiness of earthly 
magnificence, he became disgusted with all the splendour 
that surrounded him, and thought it his duty to withdraw 
from it, and spend the rest of his days in religious retirement. 
Accordingly, he voluntarily resigned all his dominions to his 
brother and son ; and after taking an affectionate and last 
farewell of his son and a numerous retinue of princes and 
nobility that respectfully attended him, he repaired to his 
chosen retreat, which was situated in a vale in Spain of no 
great extent, watered by a small brook, and surrounded with 
rising grounds covered with lofty trees. A deep sense of 
his frail condition and great imperfection appears to have 
impressed his mind in this extraordinary resolution and 
through the remainder of his life. As soon as he landed in 
Spain he fell prostrate on the ground, and, considering him- 
self now as dead to the world, he kissed the earth, and said, 
" Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked I now 
return to thee, thou common mother of mankind !" 

It was a good speech of an emperor, " You," said he, 
" gaze on my purple robe and golden crown ; but, did you 
know what cares are under it, you would not take it up from 
the ground to have it." It was a true saying of Augustine, 
" Many are miserable by loving hurtful things ; but they are 
more miserable by having them." 



INFLUENCE OF EXAMPLE. 

Jewel. — Such is the force of example, that even our 
enemies are sometimes penetrated with admiration, and con- 
strained to bear testimony in our favour. It is observed of 
Bishop Jewel, that his affability of behaviour and sanctity of 
life made a fierce and bigoted papist sometimes say to him, 
" I should love thee, Jewel, if thou wert not a Zuingliau. In 



RELIGIOUS. 317 

thy faith thou art a heretic ; but, surely, in thy life thou art 
an angel. Thou art very good and honest, but a Lutheran." 

Hooker. — It is mentioned as an amiable part of the char 
acter of the judicious Mr. Hooker, that he used to say, " If 
I had no other reason and motive for being religious, I would 
strive earnestly to be so for the sake of my aged mother, 
that I may requite her care of me, and cause the widow's 
heart to sing for joy." 



The Pious Moravian. — In a late war in Germany, a 
captain of cavalry was ordered out on a foraging party. He 
put himself at the head of his troop, and marched to the 
quarter assigned him. It was a solitary valley, in which 
hardly anything but woods could be seen. In the midst of 
it stood a little cottage ; on perceiving it he went up and 
knocked at the door : out comes an ancient Hernouten 
(better known in this country by the name of Moravian 
Brethren), with a beard silvered by age. "Father," says 
the officer, " show me a field where I can set my troopers a 
foraging." " Presently," replied the Hernouten. The good 
old man walked before, and conducted them out of the valley. 
After a quarter of an hour's march they found a fine field 
of barley. " There is the very thing we want," says the 
captain. " Have patience for a few minutes," replied his 
guide: "you shall be satisfied." They went on, and, at 
the distance of about a quarter of a league farther, they ar- 
rived at another field of barley. The troop immediately dis- 
mounted, cut down the grain, trussed it up, and remounted. 
The officer, upon this, says to his conductor, "Father, you 
have given yourself and us unnecessary trouble : the first 
field was much better than this." " Very true, sir," replied 
the good old man, " but it was not mine." This stroke 
(says my author, and that justly) goes directly to the heart. 
I defy an Atheist to produce me anything once to be compared 
with it. And surely he who does not feel his heart warmed 
by such an example of exalted virtue has not yet acquired 
the first principles of moral taste. 



Lady H. — Lady H. once spoke to a workman who was 
repairing a garden wall, and pressed him to take some thought 
concerning eternity and the state of his soul. Some years 
afterward she was speaking to another on the same subject, 
and said to him, " Thomas, I fear you never pray, nor look 
to Christ for salvation." " Your ladyship is mistaken," an- 



318 ANECDOTES. 

swered the man. " I heard what passed between you and 
James at such a time, and the word you designed for him 
took effect on me." " How did you hear it ?" " I heard it 
od the other side of the garden, through a hole in the wall, 
and shall never forget the impression I received." 

The Pugilists. — A serious young man in the army, not 
having a place in the barracks in which he was quartered 
wherein to pour out his soul unto God in secret, went one 
dark night into a large field adjoining. Here he thought no 
eye could see or ear hear him but God's ; but He " whose 
thoughts are not as our thoughts" ordained otherwise. Two 
ungodly men belonging to the same regiment, in whose 
hearts enmity had long subsisted against each other, were 
resolved that night to end it, as they said, by a battle, being 
prevented at daytime for fear of punishment. They chose 
the same field to fight as the other had chosen to pray. Now 
the field was very large, and they might have taken different 
ways ; but they were led by Providence to the same spot 
where the young man was engaged in this delightful exercise. 
They were surprised at hearing, as they thought, a voice in 
the field at that time of night, and much more so when they 
drew nearer and heard a man at prayer. They halted and 
gave attention ; and, wonderful to tell, the prayer had such 
an effect upon both as to turn that enmity they, before mani- 
fested against each other into love. They took each other 
instantly by the hand, and cordially confessed that there re- 
mained no longer in either of their breasts hatred against 
each other. 



Good Examples Neglected. — The Rhodians and Lyd- 
ians enacted laws, that those sons which followed not their 
fathers in their virtues, but imitated vicious examples, should 
be disinherited, and their lands given to the most virtuous 
of that race, not admitting any impious heir to inherit; and 
do you think that God will not disinherit all those of heaven 
and happiness who follow vicious examples ? Assuredly he 
will. 

Precepts instruct us what things are our duty, but ex- 
amples assure us that they are practicable. They resemble 
a clear stream, wherein we may not only discover our spots, 
but wash them off. When we see men like ourselves, who 
are united to frail flesh, and in the same condition with us 
commanding their passions, overcoming the most glorious 
and glittering temptations, we are encouraged in our spiritual 
welfare. 



RELIGIOUS. 319 

Examples, by a secret and lively incentive, urge us to 
imitation. The Romans kept in their houses pictures of 
their progenitors, to animate their spirits and stimulate them 
to follow the precedents set before them. We are sensibly 
affected by the visible practice of saints, which reproaches 
our defects, and obliges us to the same care and zeal more 
than by laws, though both holy and good. Now the ex- 
ample of Christ is more proper to form us for holiness; it 
being absolutely perfect, and accommodated to our present 
state. 

When Seneca received the message of death from Nero, 
he heard it with firmness and even with joy. He wished 
to dispose of his possessions as he pleased, but this was re- 
fused ; and when he heard it, he turned to his friends who 
were weeping at his melancholy fate, and told them that, 
since he could not leave them what he believed to be his own, 
he would leave them at least " his own life for an example !" 
An innocent conduct which they might imitate, and by which 
they might acquire immortal fame. Happy are they who, 
if they can leave nothing else to posterity, can leave them a 
good example ! This has sometimes proved a legacy more 
enriching and useful than the best bequest of untold wealth 
or the most valuable treasures. 



EFFICACY OF PRAYER. 

Mr. Flavel. — Mr. Flavel, driven by persecution from 
Dartmouth, took shipping for London. When the vessel 
was nigh the Isle of Portland, they were overtaken with 
so violent a storm that the mariners were all of opinion they 
could not possibly escape shipwreck unless the wind should 
change. At this juncture Mr. Flavel requested them to join 
with him in prayer ; and he accordingly committed himself 
and them to the Providence of God. As soon as prayer 
was ended the wind altered favourably, and one of the crew 
came down from the deck, shouting, " Deliverance ! God 
is a prayer-hearing God !" Mr. Flavel reached London in 
safety, and died in tranquillity many years afterward. 

A Pious Youth. — In the Duchy of Magdeburg, a part 
of the German dominions of the King of Prussia, one of the 
royal gamekeepers, a man who lived and brought up his 
family in the fear of God, fell very dangerously sick. His 



320 ANECDOTES. 

wife, with all his children, who were still in their infancy, sur- 
rounded the bed of the apparently dying man and wept bit- 
terly. One of the boys retired secretly into a summer-house 
in the garden, knelt down, and prayed fervently in these 
words : " Gracious God ! do not let my father die yet; let 
him live at least till I am fourteen years old." He rose com- 
forted from his knees, entered the room, and found his father 
quite altered. The father recovered completely, lived till 
the boy attained exactly the age of fourteen years, and then 
died. 



Mr. Longdon. — A person came to him one day and said, 
" Mr. Longdon, I have something against you, and I am 
come to tell you of it." " Do walk in, sir," he replied ; " you 
are my best friend : if I could but engage my friends to be 
faithful with me, I should be sure to prosper: but, if you 
please, we will both pray in the first place, and ask the bless- 
ing of God upon our interview." After they rose from 
their knees, and had been much blessed together, he said, 
"Now I will thank you, my brother, to tell me what it is 
that you have against me." "Oh," said the man, "I really 
don't know what it is ; it is all gone, and I believe I was in 
the wrong." 

Frederic. — Frederic, elector of Saxony, intending to 
war against the Archbishop of Magdeburg, sent a spy to in- . 
quire into his preparations ; and being informed that he gave 
himself up to prayer and fasting, committing his cause to 
God alone, "Let him fight him that will," said he; "I am 
not mad enough to fight with the man who makes God his 
refuge and defence." 

Mr. Ince. — Though the following instance of the praying 
Ince has often been read, and perhaps as often told, yet, as 
there may be some into whose hands this work may fall who 
have never read or heard it, we shall here insert it. Not 
long after the year 1662, Mr. Grove, a gentleman of great 
opulence, whose seat was near Birdbush, upon his wife's 
lying dangerously ill, sent to his parish minister to pray 
with her. When the messenger came he was just going 
out with the hounds, and sent word he would come when the 
hunt was over. At Mr. Grove's expressing much resent- 
ment against the minister for choosing rather to follow his 
diversions than attend his wife under the circumstances in 
which she then lay, one of the servants said, " Sir, our shep- 



RELIGIOUS. 321 

herd, if you will send for him, can pray very well ; we have 
often heard him at prayer in the field." Upon this he was 
immediately sent for; and Mr. Grove asking him "whether 
he ever did or could pray," the shepherd fixed his eyes 
upon him, and, with peculiar seriousness in his countenance, 
replied, " God forbid, sir, I should live one day without 
prayer." Hereupon he was desired to pray with the sick 
lady, which he did so pertinently to her case, with such flu- 
ency and fervency of devotion, as greatly to astonish the 
husband and all present. When they arose from their knees 
the gentleman addressed him to this effect : " Your language 
and manner discover you to be a very different person from 
what your present appearance indicates. I conjure you to 
inform me who and what you are, and what were your views 
in life before you came into my service." Whereupon he 
told him " he was one of the ministers who had lately been 
ejected from the church, and that, having nothing of his own 
left, he was content, for a livelihood, to submit to the honest 
and peaceful employment of tending sheep." Upon hearing 
this Mr. Grove said, " Then you shall be my shepherd," and 
immediately erected a meeting-house on his own estate, in 
which Mr. Ince preached and gathered a congregation of 
Dissenters. 



Dr. Franklin on Prayer. — When the American Con- 
vention was framing their constitution, Dr. Franklin asked 
them how it happened that, while groping, as it were, in the 
dark to find political truth, they had not once thought of 
humbly applying to the Father of lights to illumine their un- 
derstandings. " I have lived, sir," said he, " a long time, 
and the longer I live the more convincing proofs I see of 
this truth, that God governs in the affairs of men ; and if 
a sparrow cannot fall to the ground without his notice, is it 
probable that an empire can rise without his aid ? We have 
been assured, sir, in the Sacred Writings, that, except the 
Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it. I 
firmly believe this ; and I also believe that without his con- 
curring aid we shall succeed in this political building no 
better than the builders of Babel. We shall be divided by 
our little partial local interests ; our project will be con- 
founded ; and we ourselves become a reproach and a by- 
word down to future ages." He then moved that prayers 
should be performed in that assembly every morning before 
they proceeded to business. 

Ss 



322 ANECDOTES. 

Family Prayer. — While it is our duty personally to ded- 
icate ourselves to God, our families also should not be neg- 
lected. But, alas ! how much degenerated are we in this 
respect ? " In the days of our fathers," says good Bishop 
Burnet, " when a person came early to the door of his neigh- 
bour, and desired to speak with the master of the house, it 
was as common a thing for the servants to tell him with 
freedom, ' My master is at prayer,' as it is now to say, ' My 
master is not up.' " 

The following instance may teach us that family devotion 
may be attended to even by those who are in dignified and 
public situations. Sir Thomas Abney kept up regular pray- 
er in his family during all the time he was lord-mayor of 
London ; and in the evening of the day he entered on his 
office, he, without any notice, withdrew from the public as- 
sembly at Guildhall after supper, went to his house, there 
performed family worship, and then returned to the company. 

Private Prayer. — "Acknowledge the Lord in all thy 
ways, and he shall direct thy paths." — Prov. An English 
clergyman, preaching from this text, observed as follows : 

" Archbishop Cranmer, who died a martyr, said that the 
day he signed his recantation back to popery he omitted 
private prayer in the morning. This brought to my recol- 
lection the two memorable occurrences of my life when I 
omitted private prayer and went to my business. On each 
day I had an accident that nearly cost me my life ; but in 
mercy I was spared to my family. Private prayer is a high 
privilege. I cannot neglect it any more than I can neglect 
my food. It is my grand stay for each day ; and I feel 
that, unless I acknowledge God herein, I have no right to 
expect his guidance and protection." 



PARTICULAR PROVIDENCES. 

Preaching for Diversion. — It is said of a Mr. T. and 
three of his associates, that, to enliven the company, they 
once undertook to mimic a celebrated preacher. The prop- 
osition was highly gratifying to all the parties present, and 
a wager agreed upon to inspire each individual with a de- 
sire of excelling in this impious attempt. That the jovial 
auditors might adjudge the prize to the most adroit perform- 
er, it was concluded that each should open the Bible and 
hold forth from the first verse that should present itself to 



RELIGIOUS. 323 

his eye. Accordingly, three in their turn mounted the table, 
and entertained their wicked companions at the expense of 
everything sacred. When they had exhausted their little 
stock of buffoonery, it devolved on Mr. T. to close this very 
irreverent scene. Much elated and confident of success, he 
exclaimed as he ascended the table, " I shall beat you all !" 
But, oh ! the stupenduous depth of Divine mercy ! Who 
would conceive that a gracious Providence should have pre- 
sided over such an assembly, and that this should be the 
time of heavenly love to one of the most outrageous mock- 
ers. Mr. T., when the Bible was handed to him, had not 
the slightest preconception what part of the Scripture he 
should make the subject of his banter. However, by the 
guidance of an unerring Providence, it opened at the follow- 
ing passage, Luke xiii., 3 : " Except ye repent, ye shall all 
likewise perish." No sooner had he uttered the words than 
his mind was affected in a very extraordinary manner; the 
sharpest pangs of conviction now seized him, and conscience 
denounced tremendous vengeance upon his soul. In a mo- 
ment he was favoured with a clear view of his subject, and 
divided his discourse more like a divine who had been ac- 
customed to speak on portions of Scripture than like one 
who never so much as thought on religious topics except 
for the purpose of ridicule. 

He found no deficiency of matter, no want of utterance ; 
and we have frequently heard him declare, "If ever I 
preached in my life by the assistance of the Spirit of God, 
it was at that time." The impression that the subject made 
upon his own mind had such an effect upon his manner, 
that the most ignorant and profane could not but perceive 
that what he had spoken was with the greatest sincerity. 

Conversion of a Wicked Master. — A young woman- 
servant at Bath was brought to the knowledge of God in the 
year 1788. She, like the woman of Samaria, could not help 
speaking of the things she had heard and experienced to her 
fellow-servants, and the Lord was pleased to accompany her 
words with a Divine blessing to three or four of them ; the 
coachman, in particular, was turned away from his service, 
for fear, as his master said, that he would turn his horses 
Methodists, and drive him to hell. In the summer of 1793, 
the master himself being taken ill and given over by the 
physicians, one day he asked them if there was any hope of 
his recovery. They replied in the negative. Several of 
his friends were in the room at the same time and the ser- 



324 ANECDOTES. 

vant before mentioned was there waiting upon the company. 
The gentleman, with great concern, said, " And can none of 
you all be of any service to a dying man?" He then spoke 
to this young woman : " Nor can you help me in this pres- 
ent sad condition ?" She replied, " Sir, all that I can do 
is to pray for you, and that I have done many times." He 
answered, with some emotion, " Did you ever pray for me ? 
I insist on it that you pray for me now. Shut the door ; let 
not one go out of the room." With fear and trembling she 
obeyed ; and no sooner was prayer ended, than, putting his 
hands together, he said, " Now I know that Christ is God, 
and able to forgive my sins." He lived a few days longer, 
and gave happy evidence of the power and grace of God. 

The Youth Restored. — A young gentleman being re- 
proved by his mother for being religious, made her this an- 
swer : " 1 am resolved by all means to save my soul." Some 
time after he fell into a lukewarm state, during which time 
he was sick and nigh unto death. One night he dreamed 
that he saw himself summoned before God's angry throne, 
and from thence hurried into a place of torments ; where, see- 
ing his mother full of scorn, she upbraided him with his for- 
mer answer ; why he did not save his soul by all means. This 
was so much impressed on his mind when he awoke, that, 
under God, it became the means of his turning again to him ; 
and when anybody asked him the reason why he became 
again religious, he gave them no other answer than this : 
" If I could not in my dream endure my mother's upbraid- 
ing my foliv and lukewarmness, how shall I be able to suf- 
fer that God should call me to an account in the last day, 
and the angels reproach my lukewarmness, and the devil ag- 
gravate my sins, and all the saints of God deride my folly 
and hypocrisy ?" 



The Faithful Minister. — The Rev. Mr. Gould, late 
rector of Axbridge, a town in Somersetshire, had, in the 
earlier part of his life, been preaching the doctrine of the 
New Birth in such very forcible language as to give offence 
to three neighbouring clergymen, insomuch that they lodged 
a complaint against him to the bishop, who appointed a day 
for the private hearing of all parties. The first of these com- 
plainants fell sick, and died in a fortnight. The second 
wailed on the third to acquaint him with the misfortune ; and, 
as he was returning home, received a particular injury from 
a sudden jolt of his horse, of which he died in a week. The 



RELIGIOUS. 325 

third persisted in attending the bishop ; but, before he came 
to Wells, his horse threw him and broke his neck. Mr. 
Gould appeared alone, and the bishop presented him with 
the rectory of Axbridge, which he enjoyed upward of thirty 
years. 

Another. — Mr. Thoroughgood, who was elected from 
Monkton in Kent, was a bold reprover of sin. , He had once 
preached so pointedly against the vice of swearing, that one 
of his hearers, addicted to it, thought himself to be particu- 
larly intended, and was so exasperated that he resolved to 
kill the minister. He accordingly hid himself behind a hedge 
in the way which Mr. Thoroughgood usually look in going 
to preach his weekly lecture. When he came up to the 
place, the man who intended to shoot him levelled his gun 
and attempted to fire at him ; but it only flashed in the pan. 
The next week he went to the same place to renew his at- 
tempt ; but the very same event happened. The man's con- 
science immediately smote him ; he went after Mr. Thor- 
oughgood, fell on his knees, and, with tears in his eyes, re- 
lated his design to him and asked his forgiveness. Thus 
Providence was the means of the man's conversion. 



The Bible a Shield for Soul and Body. — When Ol- 
iver Cromwell entered upon the command of the parlia- 
ment's army against Charles I., he ordered all his soldiers 
to carry a Bible in their pockets. Among the rest there 
was a wild, wicked young fellow, who ran away from his 
apprenticeship in London for the sake of plunder and dissi- 
pation. This fellow was obliged to be in the fashion. Being 
one day ordered out upon a skirmishing party or to attack 
some fortress, he returned back to his quarters in the even- 
ing without hurt. When he was going to bed, pulling the 
Bible out of his pocket, he observed a hole in it. His curi- 
osity led him to trace the depth of this hole into his Bible ; 
he found a bullet was gone as far as Ecclesiastes xi., 9. 
He read the verse, '• Rejoice, oh young man, in thy youth, 
and let thy heart cheer thee in the days of thy youth, and 
walk in the ways of thy heart, and in the sight of thine eyes ; 
but know thou that for all these things God will bring thee 
into judgment." The words were set home upon his heart 
by the Divine Spirit, so that he became a sound believer in 
the Lord Jesus Christ, and lived in London many years after 
the civil wars were over. He used pleasantly to observe to 
Dr. Evans, author of the Christian Temper, that the Bible 
was the means of saving both his soul and bod)'. 



326 ANECDOTES. 

Mr. Heywood. — Mr. Hey wood, being brought into the 
greatest want of the necessaries of life, told his wife one day 
that he would leave with her and the children three shillings, 
which was all the money he had in the world, and would try 
to get some work as a day-labourer. After commending 
them to God and praying for divine direction, he called at a 
number of houses the first day, but could not meet with any 
employment. He spent the first night in a barn, and was 
engaged in prayer the greatest part of it. In the morning 

he again set out, and soon arrived at Lord 's, where he 

inquired of the servants if a labourer was wanted. They 
answered ' No." As he was returning, however, from the 
hall, one of the servant-girls said the shepherd had just be- 
fore left his place, and if he understood how to take care of 
sheep, she thought he might meet with employment. Mr. 
Heywood immediately engaged in the service, and was in- 
formed he was to sleep in a little cot erected for the shep- 
herds at some distance from the house ; but that he was to 
come once a day for what he wanted to the hall. A few 
mornings after, two of the servant girls, apparently by acci- 
dent, rose two hours before the usual time, and as there was 
no one at hand to fetch up the cows, they went into the field 
for them ; but when they drew near to the shepherd's hut, 
they were struck with the sound of a man's voice, and, to 
their no small astonishment, found it was that of the shep- 
herd engaged- in prayer to God. At this they were much 
affected, and for several weeks, unknown to Mr. Heywood, 
they used to rise at four o'clock to go to the cot to hear the 
shepherd pray, which exercise he was engaged in every morn- 
ing until five o'clock. After Mr. Heywood had been in this 
situation a few weeks, the lady of the family was taken ill and 
was expected to die. A clergyman was sent for, but was that 
moment mounting his horse with a view to spend the day in 
hunting. However, he sent his compliments, and said that 

he would wait on her ladyship that evening. Lord 

seemed much distressed, and expressed an earnest desire 
to get some one to pray with his lady. Then one of the 
servants, who had listened to Mr. Heywood's prayers, said, 
" I wish your lordship would consent to let your shepherd 
be fetched to pray with her ladyship," adding, " for I do not 
believe there is a man in the world who can pray like him." 
"The shepherd pray? What! can the shepherd pray?" 
" Yes, my lord, and I wish you would condescend to let him 
be sent for ; and then you will hear him yourself." Mr 
Heywood was immediately called, and his lordship asked 



RELIGIOUS. 327 

him if he could pray ; to which he replied, " That man that 
cannot pray is not fit to live !" "Well," says his lordship, 
"follow me and pray for my lady, who is at the point of death." 
After a few words spoken to her ladyship, Mr. Heywood 
poured out his soul to that God whose he was and whom he 
served, and immediately his prayer was answered ; for, with 
astonishment, she cried out, " Is this a man or an angel ? for 

I am quite well !" When prayer was concluded, Lord 

asked him whether he was not one of the ejected ministers, 
and Mr. Heywood acknowledged that he was. His lordship 
then declared that, from that moment, instead of being em- 
ployed as the shepherd of his sheep, he should be the shep- 
herd of his soul and of the souls of his household. 



An Illustration of a Special Providence and of the 
Power of Prayer. — Captain H. and crew sailed some time 

since from the port of . After having been at sea for 

several days they were assailed by an unusually severe 
storm, which continued forty-five days and nights in suc- 
cession. They were driven far from their course by the 
violence of the wind. Nature had become nearly exhausted 
by hard and long toiling ; and, to add to their affliction, fam- 
ine began to threaten them with a death far more appalling 
than that of a watery grave. 

The captain had with him his wife, two daughters, and 
ten persons besides. As their provisions grew short, his 
wife became provident and careful of the pittance that fell 
to their family share. She would eat but little lest her hus- 
band should starve. The children would eat but little for 
fear the mother would suffer, and the captain refused to eat 
any, but left his portion for his suffering family. At length 
they were reduced to a scanty allowance for twenty-four 
hours, in the midst of a storm and one thousand miles from 
land. Captain H. was a man who feared God. In this his 
extremity he ordered his steward to bring the remaining 
provision on deck, and spread the same on the tarpawling 
which covers the hatch ; and, falling down beside the frag- 
ments of bread and meat before him, he lifted up his voice 
in prayer to Him who heareth out of the deep, and said, 
" thou who didst feed Elijah by a raven while in the 
wilderness, and who commanded that the widow's cruse of 
oil and barrel of meal should not fail, look down upon us in 
our present distress, and grant that this food may be so mul- 
tiplied that the lives now in jeopardy may be preserved." 
After this he arose from his knees, went to the companion 



328 ANECDOTES. 

way, and found his wife and children engaged in the same 
holy exercise. He exhorted them to pray on, and assured 
them that God had answered his prayer, and that not one 
soul then on board should perish. Scarcely had he uttered 
these words when his mate, who had been at the masthead 
for some time on the look-out, exclaimed, " Sail ahoy, sail 
ahoy." At this crisis the captain shouted with swelling grat- 
itude, " What, has God sent the ravens already !" and in one 
hour from that time, through the friendly sail, barrels of 
bread and meat were placed upon the deck. 

" Thus one thing secures us, whatever betide, 
The Scripture assures us the Lord will provide. 



Nautical Anecdote. — A careless sailor, on going to sea, 
replied to his religious brother in words like these : " Tom, 
you talk a great deal about religion and Providence ; and if 
I should be wrecked, and a ship was to heave in sight and 
take me off, I suppose you would call it a merciful Provi- 
dence. It's all very well, but I believe no such thing ; these 
things happen like other things, by mere chance, and you 
call it Providence, that's all." He went upon his voyage, 
and the case he put hypothetically was soon literally true ; 
he was wrecked, and remained upon the wreck three days, 
when a ship appeared, and, seeing their signal of distress, 
came to their relief. He returned, and, in relating it, said to 
his brother, " Oh ! Tom, when that ship hove in sight, my 
words to you came in a moment into my mind ; it was like 
a bolt of thunder. I have never got rid of it, and now I 
think it no more than an act of common gratitude to give my- 
self up to Him who pitied and saved me." — Marin. Mag. 



Submission to God's Providence. — A Mr. Lawrence, 
who was a sufferer for conscience' sake, if he would have 
consulted with flesh and blood, as was said of one of the 
martyrs, had eleven good arguments against suffering, viz., 
a wife and ten children. Being once asked how he meant 
to maintain them all, he cheerfully replied, " They must all 
live on Matthew vi., 34 : ' Take, therefore, no thought for 
the morrow,' " &c. Contentment and resignation in such 
trying circumstances are not only blessings to the possessors, 
but they fill by-standers with astonishment. 

Dr. Doddridge. — While Dr. Doddridge was at Bath on 
his way to" Falmouth (from which latter place he embarked 
for Lisbon for the recovery of his health), Lady H.'s house 



RELIGIOUS. 329 

was his home. In the morning of the day on which he 
set out from thence for Falmouth, Lady H. came into the 
room and found him weeping over that passage in Daniel, 
chap, x., 11th and 12th verses : " Oh, Daniel, a man greatly 
beloved." " You are in tears, sir," said Lady H. " I am 
weeping, madam," said the doctor, "but they are tears of 
comfort and joy. I can give up my country, my relations, 
and friends into the hands of God ; and as to myself, I can 
as well go to heaven from Lisbon as from my own study at 
Northampton." 

A very Surprising Event. — A young man by the name 
of Ephraim Collins was going after a fiddle to give a fin- 
ishing stroke to " a merry Christmas." Having to cross a 
part of Naples, or Henderson Bay, he took his skates. 
When he- was ready to proceed, he vociferated, "G — d! 
I'll skate into hell and damnation in five minutes !" It was 
probably not half that time before he skated into a hole of 
the ice, and sunk to the bottom of the lake ! His body was 
found and taken from the water on the third day. From 
this shocking example of impiety, and from the terrible dis- 
aster which immediately followed, let all the presumptuous 
and profane take warning, and " flee," before it shall be too 
late, " from the wrath to come." " For in such an hour as 
ye think not the Son of man cometh." — Western Rec. 

Awful Death of a Wicked Woman. — There was a very 
wicked woman in the almshouse in the city of Philadelphia. 
She was continually asking for strong liquors, such as brandy 
and gin ; but the person who had the charge of the house re- 
fused to give her any. She then resolved to escape, and 
told some of her companions she would " get well drunk 
that night, if she went to hell for it the next day." 

When the night came this woman was missing, and it was 
found that she had clambered over the high wall which sur- 
rounds the yard. The next morning a search was made for 
her, when, shocking to relate, her body was found in a field 
by the roadside half devoured by hogs. It appeared that 
she had become so drunk as to fall down in the street, and 
some person had placed her in the field that she might not 
be crushed by the carriages, and she thus came to this 
dreadful end. 



The following awful account is related of a man, whose 
name shall be concealed in tenderness to surviving rela- 

Tt 



330 * ANECDOTES. 

tives. He waited upon a magistrate near Hitchin, in the 
county of Hertford, and informed him that he had been 
stopped by a young gentlemen of Hitchin, who had knocked 
him down and searched his pockets, but, not finding anything 
there, he suffered him to depart. The magistrate, astonished 
at this piece of intelligence, despatched a messenger to the 
young gentleman, ordering him to appear immediately and 
answer to the charge exhibited against him : the youth 
obeyed the summons, accompanied by his guardian and an 
intimate friend. Upon their arrival at the seat of justice, the 
accused and the accuser were confronted ; when the magis- 
trate hinted to the man that he was fearful he had made the 
charge with no other view than that of extorting money, and 
bade him take care how he proceeded ; exhorting him, in the 
most earnest and pathetic manner, to beware of the dreadful 
train of consequences attending perjury. 

The man insisted upon making oath of what he had ad- 
vanced ; the oath was accordingly administered, and the bu- 
siness fully investigated, when the innocence of the young 
gentleman was established, he having, by the most incontro- 
vertible evidence, proved an alibi. The infamous wretch, 
finding his intentions thus frustrated, returned home much 
chagrined, and, meeting soon afterward with one of his neigh- 
bours, he declared he had not sworn to anything but the 
truth, calling God to witness the same in the most solemn 
manner; and wished, if it was not as he had said, his jaws 
might be locked, and that his flesh might rot upon his bones ; 
when, terrible to relate ! his jaws were instantly locked, and 
the use of the faculty he had so awfully perverted was de- 
nied him for ever ; and, after lingering nearly a fortnight, he 
expired in the greatest agonies, his flesh literally rotting upon 
his bones. 



Lying. — When Denades the orator addressed himself to 
the Athenians, " I call all the gods and goddesses to witness," 
said he, " the truth of what I shall say ;" the Athenians, 
often abused by his impudent lies, presently interrupted him 
by exclaiming, M And we call all the gods and goddesses to 
witness that we will not believe you." 



Lying Punished. — One day there happened a tremen- 
dous storm of lightning and thunder as Archbishop Leighton 
was going from Glasgow to Dunblane. He was descried, 
when at a distance, by two men of bad character. They 
had not courage to rob him ; but, wishing to fall on some 



RELIGIOUS. 331 

method of extorting money from him, one said, " I will lie 
down by the wayside as if I were dead, and you shall inform 
the archbishop that I was killed by the lightning, and beg 
money of him to bury me." When the archbishop arrived 
at the spot, the wicked wretch told him the fabricated story. 
He sympathized with the surviver, gave him money, and 
proceeded on his journey. But, when the man returned to 
his companion, he found him really lifeless ! Immediately 
he began to exclaim aloud, " Oh, sir, he is dead ! Oh, sir, 
he is dead !" On this the archbishop, discovering the fraud, 
left the man with this important reflection : " It is a danger- 
ous thing to trifle with the judgments of God." 



AFFLICTIONS. 

11 It was good for me that I was Afflicted." — A min- 
ister was recovering of a dangerous illness, when one of his 
friends addressed him thus : " Sir, though God seems to be 
bringing you up from the gates of death, yet it will be a long 
time before you will sufficiently retrieve your strength, and 
regain vigour enough of mind to preach as usual." The 
good man answered, " You are mistaken, my friend ; for this 
six weeks' illness has taught me more divinity than all my 
past- studies and all my ten years' ministry put together." 

It is related of one who, under great severity, had fled 
from the worst of masters to the best (I mean he had sought 
rest in the bosom of Jesus Christ, the common friend of the 
weary and the heavy laden), that he was so impressed with 
a sense of the benefit he had derived from his afflictions, 
that, lying on his deathbed, and seeing his master stand by, 
he eagerly caught the hands of his oppressor, and kissing 
them, said, "These hands have brought me to heaven." 
Thus many have had reasons to bless God for afflictions, as 
being the instruments in his hand of promoting the welfare 
of their immortal souls ! 



Trials Productive of Good. — " I remember," says Mr. 
Whitfield, " some years ago, when I was at Shields, I went 
into a glasshouse ; and standing very attentive, I saw several 
masses of burning glass of various forms. The workman 
took a piece of glass and put it into one furnace, then he put 
it into a second, and then into a third. I said to him, ' Why 
do you put this through so many fires V He answered, 



332 ANECDOTES. 

" Oh, sir, the first was riot hot enough, nor the second, and, 
therefore, we put it into a third, and that will make it transpa- 
rent.' " This furnished Mr. Whitfield with a useful hint, that 
we must be tried and exercised with many fires, until our 
dross be purged away and we are made fit for the owner's 
use. 



Dr. Chandler. — It used to be said of Dr. Chandler, that, 
after an illness, he always preached in a more evangelical 
strain than usual. A gentleman who occasionally heard him 
said to one of his constant auditors, " Pray, has not the doc- 
tor been ill lately ?" " Why do you think so ?" " Because 
the sermon was more evangelical than he usually preaches 
when he is in full health." 



PERSECUTION 

The spirit of persecution has been too prevalent in every 
age and almost in every party ; nor has free toleration been 
rightly understood till within these few years. The ac- 
counts given us of the ten pagan persecutions ; the suc- 
cessive and unheard of cruelties of the church of Rome ; 
and, alas ! the too great portion of this spirit among Prot- 
estants, are enough to make humanity sicken at the thought. 
We, however, live in a time when this spirit begins to be 
treated as it should be. The dawn of truth, love, and in- 
telligence appears, and the glorious Sun of religious liberty 
sheds his benign influence around us. May it never cease 
to shine till the whole world be enlightened, and the spirit of 
intolerance and religious oppression be heard of no more ! 
Amen. 



Francis I., king of France, used to declare, "that if he 
thought the blood in his arm was tainted with the Lutheran 
heresy, he would have it cut off; and that he would not 
spare even his own children if they entertained sentiments 
contrary to the Catholic Church." 

Don Pedro, one of the Spanish captains taken by Sir F. 
Drake, being examined before the Lords of the Privy Coun- 
cil as to what was their design of invading us, replied, 
" To subdue the nation and root it out." " And what meant 
you," said the lords, " to do with the Catholics ?" " To 



RELIGIOUS. 333 

send them good men," says he, " directly to heaven, and you 
heretics to hell." " For what end were your whips of cord 
and wire ?" " To whip you heretics to death." " What 
would you have done with the young children ?" " Those 
above seven years old should have gone the way their fathers 
went : the rest should have lived in perpetual bondage, 
branded in the forehead with the letter L. for Lutheran." 

N. B. The instruments of torture above alluded to, as 
thumb-screws, whips, &c, are still shown among other cu- 
riosities in the Tower of London. 



The history of the dreadful persecution of the Protest- 
ants under Charles IX. of France needs not a place here ; 
but one of the most horrid circumstances attending it was, 
that when the news of this event reached Rome, Pope 
Gregory XIII. instituted the most solemn rejoicing, giving 
thanks to Almighty God for this glorious victory ! ! ! An in- 
stance that has no parallel even in hell. 

What a different spirit did Louis XII. of France mani- 
fest ! When he was incited to persecute the Waldenses, he 
returned this truly great and noble reply : " God forbid that 
I should persecute any for being more religious than my- 
self." 



Albigensian War. — The Albigensian war, in the begin- 
ning of the thirteenth century, commenced with the storming 
of Bezieres, and a massacre in which fifteen thousand per- 
sons, or, according to some accounts, sixty thousand, were 
put to the sword. Not a living soul escaped, as witnesses 
assure us. It was here that a Cistertian monk, who led on 
the Crusaders, being asked how the Catholics were to be 
distinguished from heretics, answered, " Kill them all ! God 
will know his own." 



DYING CHRISTIANS. 

Mr. Bruce. — Mr. Robert Bruce, the morning before he 
died, being at breakfast, and having, as he used, eaten an 
egg, he said to his daughter, " I think I am yet hungry ; you 
may bring me another egg." But, having mused a little, he 
said, "Hold, daughter, hold; my Master calls me? With 
these words his sight failed him ; whereupon he called for 
the Bible, and said, " Turn to the eighth chapter of Romans, 



334 ANECDOTES. 

and set my finger on the words, ' I am persuaded that nei- 
ther death, nor life, fyc, shall be able to separate me from 
the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus my Lord? " When 
this was done, he said, "Now is my finger upon them?" 
Being told it was, without any more, he said, " Now God 
be with you, my children ; I have breakfasted with you, and 
shall sup with my Lord Jesus Christ this night" And then 
expired. 

Addison. — Addison, after a long and manly but vain 
struggle with his distemper, dismissed his physicians, and 
with them aH hopes of life. But with his hopes of life he 
dismissed not his concerns for the living, but sent for a 
youth who was nearly related and finely accomplished. He 
came, but, life now glimmering in the socket, the dying 
friend was silent. After a decent and proper pause, the 
youth said, " Dear sir, you sent for me. I believe and I 
hope you have some commands ; if you have, I shall hold 
them most sacred." May distant ages not only hear, but 
feel the reply ! Forcibly grasping the youth's hand, he 
softly said, " See in what peace a Christian can die !" He 
spoke with difficulty, and soon expired. 

Bishop Cowper. — The Rev. W. Cowper, some time 
minister at Sterling, and afterward bishop of Galloway, thus 
spoke of his dissolution to his weeping friends : "Death is 
somewhat dreary, and the streams of that Jordan which is 
between us and our Canaan run furiously ; but they stand 
still when the ark comes." 



Dr. Goodwin. — "Ah!" said Dr. Goodwin, in his last 
moments, "is this dying? How have I dreaded as an en- 
emy this smiling friend !" 

Hervey's Dying Words. — "Lord, now lettest thou thy 
servant depart in peace, according to thy word, for mine 
eyes have seen thy salvation." — Luke ii., 29, 30. 

Mr. Hervey, when dying, expressed his gratitude to his 
physician for his visits, though it had long been out of the 
power of medicine to cure him. He then paused a little, 
and, with great serenity and sweetness in his countenance, 
though the pangs of death were upon him, being raised a 
little in his chair, repeated these words : " ' Lord, now lettest 
thou thy servant depart in peace, according to thy most holy 
and comfortable word, for mine eyes have seen thy precious 



RELIGIOUS. 335 

salvation.' Here, doctor, is my cordial. What are all the 
cordials given to support the dying, in comparison with that 
which arises from the salvation by Christ ? This, this now 
supports me." About three o'clock he said, " The great 
conflict is now over; now all is done." After which he 
scarcely spoke any other word intelligibly, except twice or 
thrice, " Precious salvation !" and then, leaning his head 
against the side of the chair on which he sat, he shut his 
eyes, and on Christmasday, December 25, 1758, between 
four and five in the afternoon, fell asleep in Jesus. 

The dying Wesley said, " The best of all is, God is 
with us." 

The triumphant M'Kendree's dying words were, " All 
is well ! All is well ! !" 



Proverbs xiv., 32. " But the righteous hath hope in his 
death." 

On Tuesday afternoon, Mr. H. S. Golding, feeling the ap- 
proaches of death, broke out in these rapturous expressions : 
" I find now it is no delusion ! My hopes are well founded ! 
Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither hath it entered into 
the heart of man to conceive the glory I shall shortly par- 
take of! Read your Bible! I Shall read mine no more! 
no more need it !" When his brother said to him, " You 
seem to enjoy foretastes of heaven," " Oh," replied he, 
" this is no longer a foretaste, this is heaven ! I not only 
feel the climate, but I breathe the fine ambrosial air of heav 
en, and soon shall enjoy the company ! Can this be dying ? 
This body seems no longer to belong to the soul ; it ap- 
pears only as a curtain that covers it ; and soon I shall drop 
this curtain and be set at liberty !" Then, putting his hand 
to his breast, he exclaimed, " I rejoice to feel these bones 
give way !" repeating it, " I rejoice to feel these bones give 
way, as it tells me I shall shortly be with my God in glory !" 

The last words which he was heard to utter were, " Glory, 
glory, glory!" He died on the Lord's day, April 17, 1808, 
in the twenty-fourth year of his age. 

Converted Jewess. — A Jewess of distinction in Cour- 
land was perfectly convinced in her mind that Jesus was the 
true Messiah, but she dared not publicly confess him as such. 
When, however, in the extremity of sickness, she found her 
end approaching, she called her nurse to her bedside and de- 
sired her to bring a dish of clean water. The nurse was a 
Christian. When she had brought the water, the Jewess 



336 ANECDOTES. 

addressed her : " You know that among you Christians it is 
allowed for the midwives, and also for other persons, in 
cases of necessity, to administer the sacrament of baptism. 
Do you now administer it to me ; for I believe in Jesus 
Christ, and yet can no more have an opportunity to be pub- 
licly baptized in the church by a clergyman." She then held 
her head over the dish, while the nurse sprinkled her thrice 
with water, pronouncing the words commonly used in per- 
forming the ceremony of baptism. This being done, the 
Jewess sent for her relations, look leave of them, and said, 
" Now I die in the faith of Jesus of Nazareth, the true Mes- 
siah, cheerful, confident, and happy !" 



Death of Dr. Spener. — Dr. James Spener, some days 
before he died, gave orders that nothing of black should be 
in his coffin : " For," said he, " I have been a sorrowful man 
these many years, lamenting the deplorable state of Christ's 
church militant here on earth ; but now, being upon the point 
of retiring into the church triumphant in heaven, I will not 
have the least mark of sorrow left upon me ; out my body 
shall be wrapped up all over in white, for a testimony that I 
died in expectation of a better and more glorious state of 
Christ's church to come, even upon earth." 



Remarkable Presentiment of Death. — The Georgia 
Analytical Repository, No. 3, contains the following singular 
account of the death of Mrs. Daniel. On the morning pre- 
ceding her death, Mr. and Mrs. Daniel junior left her in per- 
fect health, expecting their return at dinner-time ; shortly 
after this hour they arrived, and found the victuals on the 
table scarcely cold. To their unutterable surprise, their 
mother appeared in her grave-clothes, having also prepared 
and taken possession of a suitable place for her corpse. To 
the earnest and affectionate inquiries which were immedi- 
ately addressed to her, she calmly replied, " I am admonished 
by a strong impression on my mind that my departure is at 
hand ; I hope grace has prepared me for my change ; I have 
no desire to remain any longer in this world. Pray be com- 
posed, and resign me to the will of my God. I am going to 
the rest that I have long desired." 

With the best means in their power to reanimate her 
feeble body, they used all the remonstrances and entreaties 
that prudence and affection could suggest to banish from her 
mind the idea of instant dissolution ; observations were made 
on her case, the natural appearance of her countenance, and 



RELIGIOUS. 337 

hopes very confidently expressed that she must be mistaken 
in her views of so sudden a death ; in reply, she said, " I 
should be very sorry to find this to be the case, but am un- 
der no apprehension of it. I have received an assurance of 
being in heaven in a short time ; my soul is in perfect peace ; 
I feel no pain, and am happy ; compose yourselves, and leave 
me to my joys. Love and serve God, and you will soon fol- 
low me to his presence ! May God bless you, my dear chil- 
dren, and keep you in the way of his holy commandments." 
With great composure she directed a pair of hose and a 
handkerchief, which she had laid by themselves for the pur- 
pose, to be put on her corpse, as the only articles she had 
omitted in otherwise fitting herself for the coffin. Nothing 
like distortion was to be seen in her features ; no symptoms 
of alarm, nor the slightest degree of derangement, appeared 
in her conduct or conversation. Life gradually retreated to 
the extremities of the system ; her breath began to fail, and 
in the course of a very few minutes she gently departed. 

She had been remarkably healthy for many years, and nev- 
er appeared more so than she was a little before her dissolu- 
tion. It is supposed that, within two hours from the time 
she conceived herself warned to prepare immediately for 
death, she was in eternity ; several of her neighbours, who 
are worthy of the highest confidence, speak of her as a pious 
and excellent character. The extraordinary manner of her 
dissolution is said to have had a happy effect, in connexion 
with her dying counsel, on her surviving relatives. 



Death. — Mr. B. mentioning to Dr. Johnson that he had 
seen the execution of several convicts at Tyburn two days 
before, and that none of them seemed to be under any con- 
cern, "Most of them, sir," said Johnson, "have never 
thought at all." " But is not the fear of death natural to 
man ?" said B. " So much so, sir," said Johnson, " that the 
whole of life is but keeping away the thoughts of it." There 
are some exceptions, however, to this remark. Dr. Donne, 
it is said, some time before his death, when he was emaci- 
ated with study and sickness, caused himself to be wrapped 
up in a sheet, which was gathered over his head in the man- 
ner of a shroud, and having closed his eyes, he had his por- 
trait taken, which was kept by his bedside as long as he 
lived, to remind him of mortality. 

" The best course of moral instruction against the pas- 
sions," says Saurin, "is death." The grave is a discoverer 

Uu 15 



338 ANECDOTES. 

of the absurdity of sin of every kind. There the ambitious 
may learn the folly of ambition ; there the vain may learn 
the vanity of all human things ; there the voluptuous may 
read a mortifying lesson on the absurdity of sensual pleasure. 
The aggregate population on the surface of the known 
habitable globe is estimated at 895,300,000 souls. If we 
reckon, with the ancients, that a generation lasts thirty years, 
then in that space 895,300,000 human beings will be born 
and die; consequently, 81,760 must be dropping into eter- 
nity every day, 3407 every hour, or about fifty-six every 
minute. Reader, how awful is this reflection ! Consider ! 
prepare ! watch ! 



MARTYRS. 

James the Less. — About the year A.D. 63, when Festus 
was dead and Albinus had not come to succeed him, the 
Jews, being exceedingly enraged at the success of the gospel, 
Annanus, son of Annas, it is said, ordered James to ascend 
one of the galleries of the temple, and inform the people 
that they had, without ground, believed Jesus of Nazareth 
to be the Messiah. He got up and cried with a loud voice 
that Jesus was the Son of God, and would quickly appear 
in the clouds to judge the world. Many glorified God and 
believed ; but the Pharisees threw him over the battlement. 
He was sorely bruised, but got up on his knees and prayed 
for his murderers amid a shower of stones which they cast 
at him, till one of them beat out his brains with a fuller's 
club. To the death of this just man some Jews ascribe the 
ruin of their nation. 



An Account of the Life and Death of Polycarp, 
who was bishop (or angel) of the church of Smyrna at the 
time when St. John was in the Isle of Patmos. — See Rev. 
ii., 8, 9, 10. Polycarp was a disciple of St. John, and there- 
fore (although in the lonesome island) could not but see with 
pleasure the flourishing state of the church which he was 
prime minister of; but poverty, tribulation, and persecution 
were his lot. Three days before he was apprehended, having 
retired after prayer to rest, and being fallen asleep, he saw 
in a dream the pillow set on fire which was under his head, 
and, he thought, suddenly consumed to ashes ; which matter, 
when he awoke, he interpreted to those about him to be a 



RELIGIOUS. 339 

presage that his life was near its end, and his body would 
be burned for the testimony of Christ, according to the 
epistles directed to him by St. John. When the soldiers 
came for him he desired them to take some refreshment ; 
after they had eaten and drank at his table, he asked them 
leave to make prayer with his family and friends once more, 
which they consented to; and when he had concluded, and 
recommended all to God in Christ, he said, " I am now ready 
to go with you." The soldiers, whose hearts by this time 
were almost melted within them by such love, gave him an 
opportunity to make his escape, but he embraced it not. 

At length they told him to escape from them, and they 
would not prevent him ; but he asked them how they would 
answer that to him who sent them, telling them that a re- 
missness in duty would cause them to be punished by their 
commander : to which they replied, " We will say we could 
not find you." He answered, " But you have found me, and 
in that you would transgress the law of God through my 
means ;" upon which they replied, " You will be burned, and 
we desire that you escape ; how will you bear so cruel a 
death ?" To which he replied, " Him whom I have served 
for many years after a feeble manner will not forsake me 
now ; I am willing to die for him that I may eternally live 
with him ; be not dismayed ; you are doing your duty ; I lay 
nothing to your charge ; I hope this day you may see and 
know that Jesus Christ is worthy of all adoration, and that 
he died for you also." 

When they brought him before the proconsul, he asked 
him, " Art thou Polycarp who is called the Bishop of Smyr- 
na ?" He answered, " Yea, my name is Polycarp." " If 
thou wilt swear, I will let thee go ; blaspheme and defy 
Christ, and thou shalt have my protection and be safe." To 
which Polycarp answered, " Fourscore years have I served 
Christ ; neither hath he offended me in anything, but, on the 
contrary, I found him a good friend, withholding no good 
thing from me, and how can I revile so gracious a master ?" 

Proconsul. "I have wild beasts to devour thee unless 
thou change." 

Polycarp. " Bring them out, for we have determined by 
Divine aid not to change, nor to turn from so good a cause to 
so bad a one as yours ; it is more reasonable for you to turn 
from evil to the Christian cause, which is good and just." 

Proconsul. " I will tame thy madness with fire, if thou 
iearest not wild beasts nor changest thy resolutions." 

Polycarp. " Thou threatenest me with fire, which lasts 



340 ANECDOTES. 

but an hour, and is quickly quenched ; but thou art ignorant 
of the everlasting fire which will fall on the despisers of 
Jesus at the day of judgment, and of those endless torments 
which are reserved for the wicked ; but why makest thou this 
delay ? appoint me what death you please." 

The pile being prepared, when they went to nail him to 
the post, he said, " Nay, let me be even as I am : for Jesus 
Christ, who gave me strength to come to the fire, will give 
me patience to abide in it without fastening my body with 
nails." When they bound him he prayed thus : " O Father 
of thy well-beloved and blessed Son Jesus Christ, through 
whom we have known thee ; God of angels, God of 
power, and of every living creature, and of just men who live 
in thy presence, I thank thee that thou graciously vouch- 
safest this day and this hour to allot me a portion in the 
number of martyrs ; and that I should drink of the cup of 
my blessed Redeemer, for the resurrection to everlasting life, 
both of body and soul, through the operation of the Holy 
Spirit : for I shall this day be received among thy witnesses, 
into thy presence, as an acceptable sacrifice : and as thou 
hast prepared and revealed this to me beforehand, so thou 
hast now accomplished and fulfilled it. O thou most true 
God, whose promises can never fail, therefore for all these 
things I praise thee, I bless thee, I glorify thee, through the 
everlasting shepherd and bishop of my soul, Christ Jesus ; 
to whom, with thee and the Holy Spirit, be all honour and 
glory, world without end. Amen." 

Before his body was quite consumed, just before his 
speech left him, he made the following prayer : 

" O God, the Father of thy well-beloved Son Jesus 
Christ, through whom we receive the knowledge of thee and 
the adoption of sons; O God, the creator of all things, 
upon thee I call ; thee I confess to be the true God ; thee I 
glorify. Lord, receive me, and make me a companion 
of thy saints at the resurrection, through the merits of our 
great high-priest, thy well-beloved Son Jesus Christ ; to 
whom, with the Father, and God the Holy Spirit, be honour 
and glory for ever. Amen." 

He suffered in the seventh year of Verus, A.D. 107, aged 
86, and was bishop about 63 years. 

John Lambert — John Lambert suffered in the year 1538. 
No man was used at the stake with more cruelty than this 
holy martyr. They burned him with a slow fire by inches ; 
for if it kindled higher and stronger than they chose, they 



R E L I G J O U S. 341 

removed it away. When his legs were burned off and his 
thighs were mere stumps in the fire, they pitched his poor 
body upon pikes and lacerated his broiling flesh with their 
halberts. But God was with him in the midst of the flame, 
and supported him in all the anguish of nature. Just before 
e expired he lifted up such hands as he had, all flaming 
with fire, and cried out to the people with his dying voice 
with these glorious words, "None but Christ! None but 
Christ /" He was at last bent down into the fire and expired. 

George Wishart. — George Wishart, when brought to 
the stake, the executioner upon his knees said " Sir, I pray 
you forgive me, for I am not the cause of your death." 
Wishart, calling him to him, kissed his cheeks, saying, 
" Lo ! here is a token that I forgive thee ; my heart, do thine 
office." He was then tied to the stake and the fire kindled. 
The captain of the castle coming near him, bade him to be 
of good courage, and to beg for him the pardon of his sin ; 
to whom Wishart said, " This fire torments my body, but 
no whit abates my spirit." Then looking towards the car- 
dinal, he said, " He who, in such state, from that high place, 
feeds his eyes with my torments, within a few days shall be 
hanged out at that same window, to be seen with as much 
ignominy as he now leans there with pride ;" and so his 
breath being stopped, he was consumed by the fire near the 
castle of St. Andrew's, in the year 1546. This prophecy 
was fulfilled, when, after the cardinal was slain, the provost, 
raising the town, came to the castle gates, crying, " What 
have you done with my lord-cardinal ? Where is my lord- 
cardinal ?" To whom they within answered, " Return to 
your houses, for he hath received his reward, and will trouble 
the world no more ;" but they still cried, " We will never 
depart till we see him." The Leslies then hung him out at 
that window to show that he was dead, and so the people 
departed. 

John Bradford. — Mr. John Bradford was taken into 
Smithfield with a strong guard of armed men. When he 
came to the place where he was to suffer, he fell on his face 
and prayed ; after which he took a fagot and kissed it, and 
the stake likewise. Then, having put off his clothes, he 
stood by the stake, and lifting up his eyes and hands towards 
heaven, said, " Oh England, England, repent of thy sins ; 
beware of idolatry, beware of antichrists ; take heed they 
do not deceive you." Then he turned his face to John 



342 ANECDOTES. 

Leaf, a young man of about twenty years old, who suffered 
with him, and said, " Be of good comfort, brother, for we 
shall sup with the Lord this night." He then embraced the 
reeds, and said, " Straight is the gate and narrow is the way 
that leadeth to life eternal, and few there be that find it." 
After which he was fastened to the stake, and burned on the 
first of July, in the year of our Lord 1555. He ended his 
life like a lamb, without the least alteration in his counte- 
nance, and in the prime of his days. 



Mr. L. Saunders. — Mr. Lawrence Saunders, who was 
executed the eighth of February, 1555, when he came to. 
the place, fell on the ground and prayed, and then arose and 
took the stake in his arms to which he was to be chained, 
and kissed it, saying, " Welcome the cross of Christ ! wel- 
come everlasting life !" 

Thomas Bilney. — Thomas Bilney suffered at Norwich 
in the year 1531, in the time of King Henry the Eighth. 

As he was led forth to the place of execution, one of his 
friends spoke to him, praying to God to strengthen him and 
to enable him patiently to endure his torments ; to whom Mr. 
Bilney answered, with a quiet and pleasant countenance, 
" When the mariner undertakes a voyage, he is tossed on 
the billows of the troubled seas ; yet, in the midst of all, he 
beareth up his spirits with this consideration, that ere long 
he shall come into his quiet harbour ; so," added he, " I am 
now sailing upon the troubled sea, but ere long my ship 
shall be in a quiet harbour ; and I doubt not but, through 
the grace of God, I shall endure the storm, only I would en- 
treat you to help me with your prayers." 

The officers then placed the fagots about him, and set fire 
to the reeds, which presently flamed up very high ; the 
holy martyr all the while lifting up his hands towards heav- 
en, sometimes calling upon Jesus, and sometimes saying 
" Credo," i. e., I believe. The wind being high, and blow- 
ing away the flame, he suffered a lingering death. At last 
one of the officers beat out the staple to which the chain 
was fastened that supported his body, and so let it fall into 
the fire, where it was presently consumed. 

John Huss. — John Huss, when the chain was put about 
him at the stake, said, with a smiling countenance, " My 
Lord Jesus Christ; was bound with a harder chain than this 
for my sake, n\u\ why should T be afraid of this old rusty 



RELIGIOUS. 343 

one ?" When the fagots were piled up to his very neck, the 
Duke of Bavaria was officious enough to desire him to abjure. 
M No," said Huss, " 1 never preached any doctrine of an evil 
tendency ; and what I taught with my lips I now seal with 
my blood." He said to the executioner, " Are you going to 
burn a goose ? In one century you will have a swan you can 
neither roast nor boil." If he were prophetic he must have 
meant Luther, who had a swan for his arms The flames 
were then applied to the fagots, when the martyr sung a 
hymn with so loud and cheerful a voice, that he was heard 
through all the cracklings of the combustibles and the noise 
of the multitude. At last his voice was short after he had 
uttered " Jesus Christ, thou Son of the living God, have 
mercy upon me !" and he was consumed in a most misera- 
ble manner. 

When the executioner went behind Jerom of Prague to 
set fire to the pile, " Come here," said the martyr, " and 
kindle it before my eyes ; for, if I dreaded such a sight, I 
should never have come to this place when I had a free op- 
portunity to escape." The fire was kindled, and he then 
sung a hymn, which was soon finished by the encircling 
flames. 



Martyrdom of a Little Boy. — Church history furnishes 
us with the following instance of early piety. At Caesarea, 
in Cappadocia, a child named Cyril, in a time of heavy perse- 
cution, called continually on the name of Jesus Christ, and 
neither threats nor blows could divert him from it. Many 
children of his own age persecuted him ; and his unnatural 
father, who was a heathen, turned him out of doors. At 
last they brought him before the judge, who both threatened 
and entreated him ; but he said, " I rejoice to bear your re- 
proaches ; God will receive me. I am glad that I am ex- 
pelled out of our house; I shall have a better mansion. I 
fear not death, because it will introduce me to a better life." 
In the end he was condemned to the flames, with a full ex- 
pectation that he would recant and save his life ; but he per- 
sisted, saying, " Your fire and your sword are insignificant ; 
I go to a better house and more excellent riches ; despatch 
me presently, that I may enjoy them." They did so, and 
he suffered martyrdom amid a throng of wondering beholders. 



Dioclesian, the last and the worst of the Roman perse- 
cuting emperors, observed, that the more he sought to blot 
out the name of Christ, the more legible it became ; and 



344 ANECDOTES. 

that whatever of Christ he thought to eradicate, it took the 
deeper root, and rose the higher in the hearts and lives of 
men. Those who have been, as it were, in the arms of God, 
are as men made of fire walking in stubble ; they consume 
and overcome all opposition ; nay, difficulties are but as 
whetstones to their fortitude. 



MISSIONARY. 

Danish Converts. — " Behold what manner of love the 
Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the 
sons of God." 

When the Danish missionaries appointed some of then 
Calabrian converts to translate a catechism, in which it 
was mentioned as the privilege of Christians that they be- 
come the sons of God, one of the translators, startled at so 
bold a saying, as he thought it, bursting into tears, ex- 
claimed, " It is too much ; let us rather render it, They shall 
be permitted to kiss his feet." 



"Whether ye Eat or Drink, do all to the Glory of 
God." — Several years since, while on a missionary tour in 
the South, I became acquainted with Major A., in whose 
family was a poor African, who in most respects exhibited 
the character of extreme ignorance; yet there were some 
features of his mind which seemed to give him a likeness to 
those who shall at last be acknowledged wise. I have heard 
many striking anecdotes concerning him, one of which I re- 
member with peculiar interest. 

Pompey was often missing when the other negroe-s came 
to their dinner, and it was at length discovered that he spent 
his time alone, in a sort of devotion peculiar to himself. 
One day his master, going to the field, observed Pompey 
standing near the spring with, his hands clasped, his head 
thrown back, and his lips moving, as if he spoke to some 
invisible being; he then stooped down and drank, again 
stood up and repeated the same ceremony as before. His 
master called to him, "Pompey, what are you doing?" 
" Noting, massa, only me tank God for watta ;" and he turned 
away to resume his accustomed task. Pompey, the slave, 
was thankful for a draught of cold water ; and though his fame 
may not now reach beyond the boundary of a southern cotton- 
fold, yet it may be that, in eternity, this instance of his humble 



RELIGIOUS. 345 

gTatitude shall be told as a memorial of him by angel lips , 
while the fame of Pompey the Great, which has for ages 
filled the world, shall have for ever perished .- 
Journal. 



Petition of a Russian Boy of twelve years of age 
for a Bible. — "Most honoured members of the Saevian Bible 
Society in the government of Orel : 

" My father serves the emperor. My grandfather, with 
whom I live, is blind. My two grandmothers are both of 
them old and infirm. My mother alone, by the labour of 
her hands, supports us all ; she herself taught me to read. 
I have a desire to read the word of God ; but I have no 
books, except the Psalter in a very tattered state. My blind 
grandfather has by the ear alone acquired a great knowledge 
of divine things, and likes very much that I should repeat 
something to him by heart. 

" Confer on me, I pray you, a holy book. I hear you 
have it, and that you distribute to those who have money 
for money, and to the poor for nothing. I will read it, and 
I will pray to God for you. Ivan, 

" The grandson of the blind Stephen." 

A lady one morning applied to some gentlemen who were 
appointed to examine the tickets of admission to a missionary 
meeting in England, and, as she had no ticket (not being a 
subscriber), they were obliged, according to the established 
rule, reluctantly to refuse admission ; she retired a few paces, 
and again addressing the gentlemen, said, " I stated that I 
was not a subscriber, but I forgot, I am a subscriber ; I had 
one son, the prop of my declining years, and I have given 
him to the God of missions" 

The Missionary Money-box. — A few weeks since a tra- 
ding vessel, laden with corn, from Cardigan, in Wales, was 
taken in the channel by an American privateer. When the 
captain went into the cabin to survey his prize, he espied a 
little box, with a hole in the top, similar to that which trades- 
men have in their counters, through which they drop their 
money ; and at the sight of it he seemed a little surprised, 
and said to the Welch captain, " What is this ?" pointing to 
the box with his stick. " Oh," said the honest Cambrian, 
" 'tis all over now." " What ?" asked the American . " Why, 
the truth is," replied the Welch captain, " that I and my poor 
fellows have been accustomed every Monday to drop a penny 

X x 



346 ANECDOTES. 

each into that box, for the purpose of sending out mission- 
aries to preach the gospel to the heathen, but it is all over 
now !" " Ah !" said the American, " that is very good ;" and, 
after pausing a few minutes, he said, " Captain, I'll not hurt 
a hair of your head nor touch your vessel." The pious 
Welchman was accordingly allowed to pursue his voyage 
unmolested. 



At Bukapuram, in the Northern Circars, a child only eight 
years old, who had been educated in Christianity, was ridi- 
culed on account of his religion by some heathens older than 
himself. In reply, he repeated what he had been taught re- 
specting God. " Show us your God," said the heathens. 
"I cannot do that," answered the child; "but I can show 
yours to you." Taking up a stone, and daubing it with some 
resemblance of a human face, he placed it very gravely upon 
the ground, and pushed it towards them with his foot : 
" There," says he, " is such a God as you worship." " But 
to whom will you liken me ; or what likeness will ye com- 
pare unto me, saith the Lord ? I am Jehovah, and besides 
me there is no God." A just God, and yet a Saviour ! 



SABBATH SCHOOL. 

The Praying Child. — A little girl at a Sunday-school 
in Yorkshire hearing a preacher remark "that prayerless 
persons would not go to heaven," after she went home told 
her mother what she had heard, and said, " Mother, you 
never pray ;" who replied, " I cannot pray." " Yes, mother," 
said the child, " you can pray." " I tell you," answered the 
mother, in an angry way, " I cannot pray." " Then, mother, 
I'll pray for you ;" and, kneeling down, exclaimed, " Lord, 
forgive my mother, and save her from swearing ! O Lord, 
forgive my father, and keep him from getting drunk." The 
father, who was then drinking in a public house, being con- 
victed by the Spirit of God, came home immediately, and, 
finding the child in the act of praying for her parents, it 
proved the happy means of their conversion. " Except ye 
be converted and become as little children, ye shall not enter 
into the kingdom of heaven." 

Utility of Religious Instructers. — A poor afflictea 
woman being visited by the members of a benevolent soci- 



RELIGIOUS. 347 

ety, a girl was seen kneeling at the bed with a Testament 
by her side ; on being observed, she immediately ran away. 
Inquiry was then made respecting the child, to which the 
sick woman replied, " Do not call her a child, she is a little 
angel : she visits me, and reads to me, and brings me every 
halfpenny she can get, often sixpence on the Sunday, and 
sometimes more." On the following Sabbath the child, who 
belonged to a Sunday-school, was called into the committee- 
room and questioned concerning her motive for so doing. 
Her reply was, that they had desired her to learn the first 
chapter of James, where she found that "pure and undefiled 
religion before God and the Father is this, to visit the father- 
less and widows in their affliction." 

If such facts as these do not convince gainsayers of the 
utility and importance of instructing children in Christian 
principles, neither would they be persuaded though one rose 
from the dead. 



Temptation Resisted. — A poor chimney-sweeper's boy 
was employed at the house of a lady of rank to cleanse the 
chimney of her antechamber. Finding himself on the hearth 
of her ladyship's dressing-room, and perceiving no one there, 
he waited a few moments to take a view of the beautiful 
things in the apartment. A gold watch, richly set with dia- 
monds, particularly caught his attention, and he could not 
forbear taking it into his hand. Immediately the wish arose 
in his mind, " Ah ! if thou hadst such a one !" After a pause 
he said to himself, " But if I take it I shall be a thief! And 
yet," continued he, " nobody sees me — nobody ? Does not 
God see me, who is present everywhere ? Should I then 
be able to say my prayers to Him after I had committed this 
theft ? Could I die in peace ?" Overcome by these thoughts, 
a cold shivering seized him. " No," said he, laying down 
the watch, " 1 had much rather be poor and keep my good 
conscience, than rich and become a rascal." At these words 
he hastened back into his chimney. 

The countess, who was in the next room, having over- 
heard his soliloquy, sent for him the next day and thus ac- 
costed him : " My little friend, why didst thou not take the 
watch yesterday ?" The boy fell on his knees, speechless 
and astonished. " I heard everything you said," continued 
her ladyship; "thank God for enabling you to resist this 
temptation, and be watchful over yourself for the future ; 
from this moment you shall be in my service ; I will both 
maintain and clothe you ; nay, more, I will procure you good 



348 ANECDOTES. 

instruction, which shall guard you from the danger of similar 
temptations." 

The boy burst into tears ; he was anxious to express his 
gratitude, but he could not. The countess strictly kept her 
promise, and had the pleasure of seeing him grow up a good, 
pious, and intelligent man. 

A Benevolent Boy. — A boy who had been present at 
a missionary meeting in the north of England was so deeply 
impressed by what he had seen, that on the next day he 
was overheard addressing himself thus to a little thrush 
which he had taught to perch on his finger : " You are a 
sweet little fellow, and I love you dearly ; but, much as I 
love you, if anybody would give me threepence for you, 
you should go, and I would give it towards sending the gos- 
pel to the heathen." 

The Attentive Children. — Perhaps more attention 
should be paid to the rising generation in an address from 
the pulpit than what is ordinarily done. They may, under 
the Divine blessing, receive more benefit than we suspect. 
A child, after being remarkably attentive to the sermon, was 
observed to weep when going to bed on the Lord's day 
evening. On being asked the cause, the little one replied, 
" Because I am so wicked, and Jesus Christ has been so 
good to us, as the minister said." Another child, six years 
old, having heard a minister preach on the ministry of angels, 
said to her friends, " I am not afraid to go to bed now" 

(though before very fearful), " for Mr. said ' the angels 

watch over us while we are asleep,' " and this actually cured 
her of her fears. Another, about seven years old, hearing 
the same minister preach on secret worship, went home and 
retired to her closet, and ever since has continued to pray 
and read the Scriptures in private. It is good, therefore, 
for children to be under the word ; the seed may be sown 
which shall afterward spring up and produce abundance of 
fruit. 

Miss Dinah Dowdney, of Portsea, who died at nine years 
of age, one day in her illness said to her aunt, with whom 
she lived, "When I am dead, I should like Mr. Griffin to 
preach a sermon to children to persuade them to love Jesus 
Christ, to obey their parents, not to tell lies, but to think of 
dying and going to heaven. I have been thinking," said 
she, " what text I should like him to preach from ; 2 Kings, 
iv., 26. You are the Shunamite, Mr. G. is the prophet, and 



RELIGIOUS. 349 

I am the Shunamite's child. When I am dead I dare say 
you will be grieved, though you need not. The prophet 
will come to see you ; and when he says, ' How is it with 
the child?' you may say, 'It is well.' I am sure it will 
then be well with me, for I shall be in heaven singing the 
praises of God. You ought to think it well too." Mr. G. 
accordingly fulfilled the wish of this pious child. 

The Praying Little Girl. — A little girl in London, 
about four years of age, was one day playing with her com- 
panions. Taking them by the hand, she led them to a shed 
in the yard, and asked them all to kneel down, as she was 
going to pray to God Almighty ; " but don't you tell my 
mamma," said she, " for she never prays, and would beat 
me if she knew that I do." 

Instead of keeping the secret, one of her playmates went 
directly and told this little girl's mother, who was very much 
struck, but for the present took no notice. Some time after. 
on her going in doors, her mother asked her what she had 
been doing in the yard ; she tried to avoid giving a direct 
answer. The question being repeated, the answer was the 
same ; when her mother, however, promised not to be angry 
with her, and pressed the inquiry by very kind words, she 
said, " I have been praying to God Almighty." " But why 
do you pray to him ?" " Because I know he hears me, and 
I love to pray to him." " But how do you know he hears 
you ?" This was a difficult question, indeed, but mark her 
reply ; putting her little hand to her heart, she said, " Oh, I 
know he does, because there is something here that tells me 
he does." This language pierced her mother's heart, who 
was a stranger to prayer, and she wept bitterly. 

Let good children, therefore, do as this little girl did, bow 
their knees before God Almighty ; and however short and 
feeble their little prayers, they may be sure he hears them 
if they are offered in earnest, for he says, " I love them that 
love me ; and they that seek me early shall find me." — 
Sunday-school Herald. 



The Praying Boy.— A gentleman was not long since 
called upon to visit a dying female. On entering the hum- 
ble cottage where she dwelt, he heard in an adjoining room 
an infant voice. He listened, and found that it was the 
child of the poor dying woman engaged in prayer. " 
Lord, bless my poor mother," cried the little boy, " and 
prepare her to die ! O God, I thank thee that 1 have been 



350 ANECDOTES. 

sent to a Sunday-school, and there have been taught to read 
my Bible ; and there I learn that ■ when my father and mother 
forsake me, thou wilt take me up !' This comforts me now 
that my poor mother is going to leave me ; may it comfort 
her, and may she go to heaven, and may I go there too ! 
Lord Jesus, pity a poor child, and pity my poor, dear 
mother ; and help me to say, ' Thy will be done.' " He 
ceased ; and the visiter, opening the door, approached the 
bedside of the poor woman. " Your child has been praying 
with you," said he ; "I have listened to his prayer." " Yes," 
said she, making an effort to rise, "he is a dear child. 
Thank God he has been sent to a Sunday-school ; I cannot 
read myself, but he can ; and he has read the Bible to me, 
and I hope I have reason to bless God for it. Yes, I have 
learned from him that I am a sinner ; I have heard from him 
of Jesus Christ; and I do, yes, I do, as a poor sinner, put 
my trus-t in him. I hope he will preserve me. I hope he 
has forgiven me ! I am going to die, but I am not afraid ; 
my dear child has been the means of saving my soul. Oh 
how thankful am I that he was sent to a Sunday-school !" 

The Bit of String. — A poor lame boy came one day to 
a gentleman who was very kind to him, and asked for apiece 
of string, saying, " Do, let it be a good long bit, sir." The 
gentleman inquired what it was for. The boy was unwilling 
to tell, but at last said it was to make a cabbage-net, which 
he could sell for threepence, as he wished to send the money 
to help pay for printing Bibles for the poor heathen ; " and you 
know, sir," added he, " it may pay for printing one side of 
a leaf of them." The gentleman gave him a large piece of 
string, and told him to bring the net when it was finished. 
The boy brought it, and the gentleman said, " You are a 
good boy ; there is threepence for you to send for the Bibles 
and threepence for yourself." " No, sir," exclaimed the boy, 
" do send it all ; perhaps it will pay for printing both sides /" 

" They that feared the Lord spake often one to another." — 
A little girl was asked by a visiter in the school what Christ 
had done for her. She replied, " He died for me." " What 
do you mean to do for him ?" " I mean to love him? 

Another little girl, named Mary, being asked the reason 
of so many being called by the same name, could give no 
answer. She was then asked of whom she supposed her 
mother thought when she named her Mary. " I suppose 
she thought of Mary Magdalene," was the reply. " Why, 
what of Mary Magdalene ?" " She .washed the Saviour's 



RELIGIOUS. 351 

feet with her tears." "And what else ?" " She was early 
at the sepulchre" 

A very small girl, being asked by a visiter in a Sabbath- 
school if she loved her teacher, replied that she did. " Do 
you love your parents ?" " I do," said the little girl, " but I 
love Christ more than all of them." 

The above anecdotes are not given as an evidence of ju- 
venile piety, but as illustrative of juvenile simplicity, and of 
the heavenly influence of Sabbath-school instruction. 

Striking Reproof. — A pious little boy one day seeing 
his little sister in a passion, thus spoke to her : " Mary, look 
at the sun ; it will soon go down ; it will soon be out of sight ; 
it is going; it is gone down. Mary, Met not the sun go 
down upon your wrath.' " The same little boy one day 
heard some soldiers swearing in the street. He went up to 
them, and told them how sinful it was to swear ; that Jesus 
said, " Swear not at all." They took not the least notice of 
his reproof, and seemed hardened in sin. He then said to 
them, " As you despise all I have said, I will just mention 
one word more, and then leave you : ' The wicked shall be 
turned into hell, and all the people that forget God.' " 

Effect of Sabbath-school Instruction. — As a little 
boy was passing by the enclosure of a certain gentleman in 
Washington City, a girl who was with him, and who belong- 
ed to no Sabbath-school, saw a loose board lying near the 
stall, and, assuming authority on the little boy, directed him 
to take it up and carry it home. The boy, unwilling to take 
what was not his own, objected ; " I cannot ; it belongs to 

Mr. B ." " No matter," said the girl, " take it up and 

bring it along." " No, no," repeated the boy, " I cannot : 1 
go to Sunday-school." 



Original Anecdote of a Sabbath-school Scholar. — 
Last Sabbath, as the children were assembled at the 3d Pres- 
byterian church in this village, and a few of them standing 
in the porch, a wagon with a number of persons in it, appa- 
rently on a journey, stopped, and one of the men called out to 
the children, " Halloo, there, what sort of religion do you have 
here ?" One of the lads replied, " A sort of religion that 
forbids our travelling on the Sabbath." The inquirer passed 
on without making any reply. — Rochester Observer. 

A little girl brought a sister to the Sunday-school who is 
deaf and dumb. I was talking to her on the blessing of 



352 ANECDOTES. 

speech and hearing, when she stopped me suddenly, and 
said her sister always prayed to God both night and morn- 
ing. This caused some surprise in the class ; and I asked 
how God could hear her who could not speak. Two or 
three gave good answers. One said, " God knows the 
thoughts and wishes of the heart." 

Coloured Schools in Cincinnati. A SlaveV Thirst 
for Knowledge. — Some time since a coloured man visited 
one of our schools. After listening for a while to the read- 
ing and spelling of the scholars, he was asked to make some 
remarks ; he said, " Children, when I was a little boy I was 
a slave. I had no such privileges as you have. I wanted 
to learn, but my master was not willing. One day his little 
son came home from school saying his lesson ; I was per- 
fectly charmed with it. Got him to go into the field one 
Sunday with me, and that day I learned all my alphabet. 
When my master found out I was learning to read so, I had 
to stop, and learned no more for several years, when one of 
his daughters, on whom I waited, learned me to spell. I 
can now read and write. . I will tell you, children, how I 
learned to write. I would pick up pieces of paper that had 
writing on them, and copy them. I never had a copy set me 
Oh, children, it seems to me, if I had your chance when I 
was young, I should have read through every book in the 
world." 



The Good Samaritan. — In one of our Sabbath-schools 
there is a class of aged mothers, who come with their spec- 
tacles on to learn how to read. A few Sabbaths ago, our 
Sunday-school lesson was about the "good Samaritan." 
One of them was asked what she thought about the priest 
and Levite ; she remarked, " They did just as I have done a 
great many times ; but I never shall do so any more. This 
lesson has made my heart a heap softer ; it has made a soft 
spot that never was made there before." On the next Sab- 
bath we found she truly had followed Christ's direction ; had 
literally gone and done likewise. She remarked to her teach- 
er, " God has been trying me this week, to see if I would do 
any better for going to Sabbath-school. There came to my 
house a poor woman with a sick child ; she had been turned 
out of doors several times. I took her in, sat up with her 
child three nights, and it died on my lap. She offered to 
pay me, but I would not take it, for I found it good to do 
good. Now I never should have done this if it had not been 
tor that Sabbath-school lesson." 



MISCELLANEOUS. 353 



MISCELLANEOUS. 



Apologies. — A lady invited Dean Swift to a most sump- 
tuous dinner. She said, " Dear Dean, this fish is not as good as 
I could wish, though I sent for it half across the kingdom, and 
it cost me so much," naming an incredible price. " And this 
thing is not such as I ought to have for such a guest, though 
it came from such a place, and cost such a sum." Thus she 
went on decrying and underrating every article of her expen- 
sive and ostentatious dinner, and teazing her distinguished 
guest with apologies, only to find a chance to display her 
vanity in bringing her trouble and expense into view, until 
she exhausted his patience. He is reported to have risen in 
a passion, and to have said, " True, madam, it is a miserable 
dinner ; and I will not eat it, but go home and dine upon 
sixpence worth of herring." 

Such is the general character of apologies. 



Behind-hand. — An idle fellow the other day complaining 
of his hard lot, said he was born the last day of the year, 
and the last day of the month, and the last day of the week, 
and he had always been behind-hand. He believed it would 
have been fifty dollars in his pocket if he had not been born 
at all ! 

This man belonged to the same school of wits, no doubt, 
with him who hired himself out for life at eight dollars a 
month, with an agreement that he should have half his pay 
at the end of every month, and the rest when his time was out ! 



Burns. — Perhaps no man ever more severely inflicted the 
castigation of reproof than Burns. The following anecdote 
will illustrate the fact. The conversation one night at the 
King's Arms, Dumfries, turning on the death of a townsman, 
whose funeral was to take place on the following day, " By- 
the-by," said one of the company, addressing himself to 
Burns, " I wish you would lend me your black coat for the 
occasion, my own being rather out of repair." " Having my- 
self to attend the same funeral," answered Burns, " I am 
sorry that I cannot lend you my sables, but I can recommend 
a most excellent substitute ; throw your character over your 
shoulders ; that will be the blackest coat you ever wore in 
all your lifetime." 

Yy 



354 ANECDOTES. 

Where you ought to have been. — A clergyman, who 
was in the habit of preaching in different parts of the coun- 
try, was not long ago at an inn, where he observed a horse- 
jockey trying to take in a simple gentleman, by imposing 
upon him a broken- winded horse for a sound one. The par- 
son knew the bad character of the jockey, and, taking the 
gentleman aside, told him to be cautious of the person he was 
dealing with. The gentleman finally declined the purchase, 
and the jockey, quite nettled, observed, " Parson, I would 
much rather hear you preach than see you privately inter- 
fere in bargains between man and man, in this way." "Well," 
replied the parson, " if you had been where you ought to 
have been last Sunday, you might have heard me preach." 
" Where was that !" inquired the jockey. " In the State 
Prison," returned the clergyman. 

Spanish Honour. — The Spanish historians relate a mem- 
orable instance of honour and regard to truth. A Spanish 
cavalier, in a sudden quarrel, slew a Moorish gentleman, and 
fled. His pursuers soon lost sight of him, for he had, unper- 
ceived thrown himself over a garden wall. The owner, a 
Moor, happening to be in his garden, was addressed by the 
Spaniard on his knees, who acquainted him with his case 
and implored concealment. " Eat this," said the Moor, giv- 
ing him half a peach ; "you now know that you may confide 
in my protection." He then locked him up in his apartment, 
telling him that, as soon as it was night, he would provide 
for his escape to a place of greater safety. The Moor then 
went into his house, where he had just seated himself, when 
a great crowd, with loud lamentations, came to his gate, 
bringing the dead body of his son, who had just been killed 
by a Spaniard. When the shock of surprise was a little over, 
he learned from the description given that the fatal deed was 
done by the very person then in his power. He mentioned 
this to no one, but, as soon as it was dark, retired to his gar- 
den, as if to grieve alone, giving orders that none should follow 
him. Then, accosting the Spaniard, he said, " Christian, the 
person you have killed is my son : his body is now in my 
house. You ought to suffer ; but you have eaten with me, 
and I have given you my faith, which must not be broken." 
He then led the astonished Spaniard to his stables, mounted 
him on one of his fleetest horses, and said, " Fly far while 
the night can cover you : you will be safe in the morning. 
You are, indeed, guilty of my son's blood ; but God is just 
and good, and I thank him I am innocent of yours, and that 
my faith given is preserved." 



MISCELLANEOUS. 355 

African Honour. — A remarkable instance of the like 
honour is recorded of a poor unenlightened African negro, 
in Captain Snelgrave's account of his Voyage to Guinea. 
A New-England sloop, trading there in 1752, left a second 
mate, William Murray, sick on shore, and sailed without 
him. Murray was at the house of a black named Cudjoe, 
with whom he contracted an acquaintance during their trade. 
He recovered, and, the sloop being gone, he continued with 
this black friend till some other opportunity should offer of 
his getting home. In the mean time a Dutch ship came 
into the road, and some of the blacks, coming on board her, 
were treacherously seized and carried off as their slaves. 
The relations and friends, transported with sudden rage, ran 
into the house of Cudjoe to take revenge by killing Mur- 
ray. Cudjoe stopped them at the door, and demanded what 
they wanted. " The white men," said they, " have carried 
away our brothers and sons, and we will kill all white men. 
Give us the white man you have in your house, for we will 
kfH him." "Nay," said Cudjoe : "the white men that car- 
ried away your relations are bad men ; kill them when you 
take them : but this white man is a good man, and you must 
not kill him." " But he is a white man," they cried, " and 
the white men are all bad men, and we will kill them all." 
"Nay," says he, "you must not kill a man who has done 
no harm, only for being white. This man is my friend ; 
my house is his post ; I am his soldier, and must fight for 
him ; you must kill me before you can kill him. What good 
man will ever come again under my roof if I let my floor 
be stained by a good man's blood ?" The negroes, seeing 
his resolution, and being convinced by his discourse that they 
were wrong, went away ashamed. In a few days Murray 
ventured abroad again with his friend Cudjoe, when sev- 
eral of them took him by the hand, and told him "they 
were glad they had not killed him ; for he was a good 
(meaning innocent) man : their God would have been very 
angry, and would have spoiled their fishing." 



Humanity. — Sir Philip Sidney, at the battle near Zutphen, 
displayed the most undaunted courage. He had two horses 
killed under* him ; and, while mounting a third, was wound- 
ed by a musket-shot out of the trenches, which broke the bone 
of his thigh. He returned about a mile and a half on horse- 
back to the camp, and being faint with the loss of blood, and, 
probably, parched with thirst through the heat of the weather, 
he called for drink. It was presently brought him ; but, as he 



356 ANECDOTES. 

was putting the vessel to his mouth, a poor wounded soldier, 
who happened to be carried by him at that instant, looked 
up to him with a wishful eye. The gallant and generous 
Sidney took the bottle from his mouth just when he was go- 
ing to drink, and delivered it to the soldier, saying, " Thy 
necessity is yet greater than mine !" 

Time. — " An Italian philosopher," says Dr. Johnson, " ex- 
pressed in his motto that time was his estate ; an estate, 
indeed, which will produce nothing without cultivation, but 
will always abundantly repay the labours of industry, and 
satisfy the most extensive desires, if no part of it be suffered 
to be wasted by negligence, to be overrun with noxious plants, 
or laid out for show rather than for use" 



The Philosopher Outdone. — A learned philosopher be- 
ing very busy in his study, a little girl came to ask him for 
some fire. " But," says the doctor, " you have nothing to 
take it in ;" and as he was going to fetch something for that 
purpose, the little girl stooped down at the fireplace, and ta- 
king some cold ashes in one hand, she put live embers on 
them with the other. The astonished doctor threw down 
his books, saying, " With all my learning I should never have 
found out that expedient." 



INFLUENCE OF THE PASSIONS. 

The powerful influence of the passions and affections upon 
the human frame is astonishing. How many instances are 
there upon record of sudden death having been occasioned 
by the hasty communication of joyful tidings ! " Like a 
stroke of electricity," says Dr. Cogan, " indiscreetly directed, 
the violent percussion has probably produced a paralysis of 
the heart, by the excess of its stimulus." 

Pliny informs us that Chilo, the Lacedaemonian, died upon 
hearing that his son had gained a prize in the Olympic games. 

Valerius Maximus tells us that Sophocles, in a contest of 
honour, died in consequence of a decision being pronounced 
in his favour. 

Aulus Gellius mentions a remarkable instance of the effect 
of accumulated joy. Diagora had three sons, who were all 
crowned on the same day as victors ; the one as a pugilist, 
the other as a wrestler, and the third in both capacities. The 



MISCELLANEOUS. 357 

sons carried their father on their shoulders through an in- 
credible number of spectators, who threw flowers by hand- 
fuls on him, and applauded his glory and good fortune ; but, 
in the midst of all the congratulations of the populace, he 
died in the arms and embraces of his sons. 

Livy also mentions an instance of an aged matron, who, 
while she was in the depth of distress from the tidings of 
her son's having been slain in battle, died in his arms in 
the excess of joy upon his safe return. 

The Italian historian Guicciardini tells us that Leo X. 
died of a fever occasioned by the agitation of his spirits on 
his receiving the joyful news of the capture of Milan, con- 
cerning which he had entertained much anxiety. 

It is said of a nobleman in the reign of Henry the Eighth, 
that when a pardon was sent him a few hours before the 
time which was fixed for his execution, that, not expecting 
it, it so transported him that he died for joy. 

What an effect has grief also produced on the body ! Ex- 
cessive sorrow has been the cause of sudden death, of con- 
firmed melancholy, loss of memory, imbecility of mind, of 
nervous fevers, of hypochondriac complaints, and the loss of 
appetite. 

Plautius, looking on his dead wife, threw himself upon 
her dead body and presently died. 

" I knew a woman," says one, " who, upon only hearing 
of the death of one of her friends, shrieked out, and imme- 
diately fell down and died." 

The Duchess of Burgundy, a princess of the house of 
Savoy (wife to the grandson of Louis XIV.), one day said 
to her husband, " As the hour of my dissolution is now draw- 
ing near, and* I know you will not be able to live without a 
wife, I should be glad to know whom it is your intention to 
marry." " I hope," said the duke, " that God will never in- 
flict so severe a punishment on me as to deprive me of you ; 
but, should I experience such a misfortune, I should not, 
most certainly, think of taking a second wife, since, being 
unable to support your death, I should follow you in less than 
a week." The duke died of grief on the seventh day after 
the decease of the duchess. 



Mozart's " Requiem." — The great composer, Mozart, 
was so absorbed in music, that he was a child in every other 
respect. Like all weak-minded people, he was extremely 
apprehensive of death ; and it was only by incessant appli- 
cation to his favourite study that he prevented his spirits 



358 ANECDOTES. 

from sinking totally under the fears of approaching dissolu- 
tion. At all other times he laboured under a profound mel- 
ancholy, during which he composed some of his best pieces, 
particularly his celebrated Requiem ; the circumstances at- 
tending it were remarkable. 

One day, when his spirits were unusually oppressed, a 
stranger of a tall, dignified appearance was introduced. 
His manners were grave and impressive. He told Mozart 
that he came from a person who did not wish to be known, 
to request he would compose a solemn mass, as a requiem 
for the soul of a friend whom he had recently lost, and whose 
memory he was desirous of commemorating by this solemn 
service. Mozart undertook the task, and engaged to have it 
completed in a month. The stranger begged to know what 
price he set upon his work ; and immediately paying him 
one hundred ducats, he departed. The mystery of this visit 
seemed to have a very strong effect upon the mind of the 
musician. He brooded over it for some time ; and then, 
suddenly calling for writing materials, began to compose with 
extraordinary ardour. This application, however, was more 
than his strength could support : it brought on fainting-fits, 
and his increasing illness obliged him to suspend his work. 
" I am writing the requiem for myself," said he one day to 
his wife, " it will serve for my own funeral service ;" and 
this impression never afterward left him. At the expira- 
tion of the month, the mysterious stranger appeared and de- 
manded the Requiem. " I have found it impossible," said 
Mozart, " to keep my word ; the work has interested me 
more than I expected, and I have extended it beyond my 
first design. I shall require another month to finish it." 
The stranger made no objection ; but observing that for this 
additional trouble it was but just to increase the premium, 
laid down fifty ducats more, and promised to return at the 
time appointed. Astonished at his whole proceeding, Mo- 
zart ordered a servant to follow this singular personage, and, 
if possible, to find out who he was ; the man, however, lost 
sight of him, and was obliged to return as he went. Mo- 
zart, now more than ever persuaded that he was a messen- 
ger from the other world, sent to warn him that his end was 
approaching, applied with fresh zeal to the Requiem ; and 
in spite of his exhausted state both of body and mind, he 
completed it before the end of the month. At the appointed 
day the stranger returned ; the Requiem was finished, but 
Mozart was no more ! 



MISCELLANEOUS. 359 

Curing a Hypochondriac. — A gentleman who had for a 
long time fancied himself dying of a liver complaint, was 
advised by Dr. Crawford, of Baltimore, to make an excur- 
sion into the State of Ohio. After travelling three months, 
he returned home, apparently in good health ; but, upon re- 
ceiving information of the death of a twin-brother, who had 
actually died of a scirrhous liver, he immediately staggered, 
and, falling down, cried out that he was dead ; and had, as 
he always expected, died of a liver complaint. Dr. Craw- 
ford being sent for, immediately attended ; and, on being in- 
formed of the notion which had seized the hypochondriac, 
immediately exclaimed, " Oh, yes, the gentleman is certainly 
dead, and it is more probable his liver was the death of him. 
However, to ascertain the fact, I will hasten to cut him open 
before putrefaction takes place." He called for a carving- 
knife, and whetting it as a butcher would to open a dead 
calf, he stepped up to him and began to open his waistcoat. 
The hypochondriac became so horribly frightened that he 
leaped up with the agility of a rabbit, and crying out, " Mur- 
der! murder! murder!" ran off with the speed that would 
have defied a score of doctors to catch him. After running 
a considerable distance, until he was almost exhausted, he 
halted ; and, not finding the doctor at his heels, soon became 
composed. From that period this gentleman was never 
known to complain of his liver, nor had he, for more than 
twenty years afterward, any symptoms of this disease. 

The Dead Alive. — Some hypochondriacs have fancied 
themselves miserably afflicted in one way, and some in an- 
other ; some have insisted that they were teapots, and some 
that they were town-clocks ; one that he was extremely ill, 
and another that he was actually dying. But perhaps none 
of this blue-devil class ever matched in extravagance a pa- 
tient of the late Dr. Stevenson, of Baltimore. 

This hypochondriac, after ringing the change of every mad 
conceit that ever tormented a crazy brain, would have it at 
last that he was dead, actually dead. Dr. Stevenson, having 
been sent for one morning in great haste by the wife of his 
patient, hastened to his bedside, where he found him stretched 
out at full length, his hands across his breast, his toes in 
contact, his eyes and mouth closely shut, and his looks ca- 
daverous. 

"Well, sir, how do you do? how do you do this morn- 
ing?" asked Dr. Stevenson, in a jocular way, approaching 
his bed. " How do I do !" replied the hypochondriac, faint- 



360 ANECDOTES. 

ly; "a pretty question to ask a dead man." "Dead!" re- 
plied the doctor. " Yes, sir, dead, quite dead. I died last 
night about twelve o'clock." 

Dr. Stevenson, putting his hand gently on the forehead of 
the hypochondriac, as if to ascertain whether it was cold, 
and also feeling his pulse, exclaimed, in a doleful note, " Yes, 
the poor man is dead enough : 'tis all over with him, and 
now the sooner he can be buried the better." Then stepping 
up to his wife, and whispering to her not to be frightened at 
the measures he was about to take, he called to the servant .' 
" My boy, your poor master is dead, and the sooner he can 

be put in the ground the better. Run to C m, for I 

know he always keeps New-England coffins by him ready 
made ; and, do you hear, bring a coffin of the largest size, 
for your master makes a stout corpse ; and having died last 
night, and the weather being warm, he will not keep long." 

Away went the servant, and soon returned with a proper 
coffin. The wife and family, having got their lesson from 
the doctor, gathered round him, and howled not a little while 
they were putting the body in the coffin. Presently the 
pall-bearers, who were quickly provided and let into the se- 
cret, started with the hypochondriac for the churchyard. 
They had not gone far before they were met by one of the. 
town's people, who, having been properly drilled by Steven- 
son, cried out, "Ah, doctor, what poor soul have you go: 
there ?" 

" Poor Mr. B ," sighed the doctor, " left us last night." 

" Great pity he had not left us twenty years ago," replied 
the other; "he was a bad man." 

Presently another of the townsmen met them with the 
same question : " And what poor soul have you got there, 
doctor ?" 

" Poor Mr. B ," answered the doctor again, " is dead." 

' " Ah ! indeed," said the other ; " and so he is gone to meet 
his deserts at last." 

" Oh, villain !" exclaimed the man in the coffin. 

Soon after this, while the pall-bearers were resting them- 
selves near the churchyard, another stepped up with the old 
question again, " What poor soul have you there, doctor ? ' 

"Poor Mr. B ," he replied, "is gone." 

" Yes, and to the bottomless pit," said the other ; " for if 
he is not gone there, I see not what use there is for such a 
place/' Here the dead man, bursting off the lid of the cof- 
fin, which had been purposely left loose, leaped out, exclaim- 
ing, " Oh, you villain ! I am gone to the bottomless pit, am 



MISCELLANEOUS. 36 1 

I ? Well, I have come back again to pay such ungrateful 
rascals as you are." A chase was immediately commenced 
by the dead man after the living, to the petrifying consterna- 
tion of many of the spectators, at the sight of a corpse, in all 
the horrors of the winding-sheet, running through the streets. 
After having exercised himself into a copious perspiration by 
the fantastic race, the hypochondriac was brought home by 
Dr. Stevenson freed from all his complaints ; and by strength 
ening food, generous wine, cheerful company, and moderate 
exercise, was soon restored to perfect health. 






A Benevolent Sailor. — Two brothers, the one a carman, 
the other a sailor, had been confined for misdemeanor some 
time in the King's Bench prison. They applied to the court 
to be discharged, but were opposed by the prosecutor. The 
court directed the sailor to be released, but the carman was 
ordered to be continued in confinement. When this sentence 
was passed, the sailor addressed the court as follows : " My 
lords, my brother has a wife and seven children, who may 
starve while he is not working. I have neither wife nor 
child ; if your lordship will be so kind as to let him go, and 
permit me to stay in jail for him, I shall be very much obliged 
to your lordship." Lord Mansfield immediately called to 
the prosecutor's counsel to say whether, after such a speech 
as this, he could press for the confinement of either of the 
men. The counsel replied, " I should be ashamed to do it." 
Upon this his lordship told the sailor he was a benevolent 
fellow, and that he and his brother should both be discharged ; 
which was accordingly done. 

The late Admiral Colpoys, who rose to the highest rank 
and honours in his profession from his own merits and ex- 
ertions alone, used to be fond of stating, that on his first 
leaving his humble lodgings to join his ship as a midship- 
man, his landlady presented him with a Bible and a guinea, 
saying, " God bless and prosper you, my lad ; and, as long as 
you live, never suffer yourself to be laughed out of your money 
or your prayers !" Advice which he sedulously followed 
through life. 



A True King. — When Dr. Franklin applied to the King 
of Prussia to lend his assistance to America, " Pray, doc- 
tor," says the veteran, " what is the object you mean to at- 
tain ?" " Liberty ! sire," replied the philosopher of Philadel- 
phia ; " liberty ! that freedom which is the birthright of man." 
16 Z z 



362 ANECDOTES. 

The king, after a short pause, made this memorable and king- 
ly answer : " I was born a prince, I am become a king, and 
I will not use the power which I possess to the ruin of my 
own trade." 



Instability. — Xerxes crowned his footmen in the morn- 
ing, and beheaded them in the evening of the same day ; and 
Andromecus, the Greek emperor, crowned his admiral in 
the morning, and then took off his head in the afternoon, 
RofTensis had a cardinal's hat sent to him, but his head was 
cut off before it came to hand ! Most say of their crowns, 
as a certain king said of his, " Oh crown ! more noble than 
happy !" It was a just complaint which long ago was made 
against the heathen gods, Ofaciles dare surnma Deos eadem- 
que tueri difficiles ! They could give their favourites great 
gifts, but they could not maintain them in the possession of 
them. 



Curiosity Reproved. — " Vain curiosity ought not to be 
indulged ; and when it is, it seldom escapes punishment." 

Nitocris, a celebrated queen of Babylon, ordered herself 
to be buried over one of the gates of the city, and placed an 
inscription on her tomb which signified that her successor 
would find great treasures within if ever they were in need 
of money, but that their labours would be ill repaid if ever 
they ventured to open it without necessity. Cyrus opened 
it through curiosity, and was struck to find within these 
words : " If thy avarice had not been insatiable, thou never 
wouldst have violated the monuments of the dead." 



Natural Disposition. — It is said of the Rev. Mr. Clarke, 
of Chesham Bois, that when one observed to him " there 
was a good deal in a person's natural disposition," he made 
this answer : " Natural disposition ! Why, I am naturally as 
irritable as any ; but when I find anger, or passion, or any 
other evil temper arise in my mind, immediately I go to 
my Redeemer, and, confessing my sins, I give myself up to 
be managed by him. This is the way that I have taken to 
get the mastery of my passions." 

Vulgarity Outwitted. (By Billy Hibbard.) — While 
Mr. Hibbard was in his own vicinity on a day of some town 
business, he says, " I, with several others, left the cold meet- 
ing-house to go into a tavern near by to warm ourselves. 
There were many in the large bar-room seated around, while 



MISCELLANEOUS. 363 

one was walking up and down the room, strutting in ruffles 
and gloves, and swearing profanely, seemingly to the full ap- 
probation of all present. As he came towards the place where 
I was standing, he kept up his swearing, and I tapped him 

gently on the shoulder, and said softly, ' Mr. , don't 

swear so ;' at which he turned round and uttered an oath, 
and called me a d — n fool. 'Why, Hibbard,' said he, 'you 
used to be a likely, bright young man till you met with these 
Methodists ; but they have made a d — n fool of you.' I 
held down my head as though I was very sorry for what I 
had done. The company were all laughing to hear him give 
it down to me. After he had given me his last piece of ad- 
vice, not to reprove a gentleman, &c, I looked up at him, 
and making my bow, said, ' Mister, I ask your pardon ; I 
believe I have crowded a little upon that rule of Scripture 
which says, " Cast not your pearls before swine, lest they 
turn again and rend you ;" but I have done it ignorantly, for 1 
did not know that you were a hog.' At this the laugh turned 
in my favour, while my seriousness awed them into due 
respect. I never heard Mr. swear afterward." 

We must Live. — That was a pertinent and emphatical 
reply which a fellow of Emanuel College, in Cambridge, 
made to a friend of his of the same college. The latter, at 
the Restoration, had been representing the great difficulties 
(as they seemed to him) of conformity in point of conscience, 
concluding, however, with these words, " But we must live." 
To which the other answered only with the like number of 
words, " But we must (also) die." Than which a better 
answer could not possibly be given. Let those whom it 
may concern weigh the answer well. 

We must Die. — When Garrick showed Dr. Johnson his 
fine house, gardens, statues, pictures, &c, at Hampton 
Court, what ideas did they awaken in the mind of that great 
man? Instead of a flattering compliment, which was ex- 
pected, " Ah ! David, David, David," said the doctor, clap- 
ping his hand upon the little man's shoulder, " these are the 
things which make a deathbed terrible." 

Louis XL — Louis XI. of France was so fearful of death, 
that, as often as it came into his physician's head to threaten 
him with death, he put money into his hands to pacify him. 
His physician is said to have got 55,000 crowns from him 
in five months. 



364 ANECDOTES. 

" I have heard of a man," says Gurnall, " that would never 
be present at any funeral ; he could not even bear the sight 
of any of his own gray hairs, and, therefore, used a black 
lead comb to discolour them, lest by these the thoughts of 
death, which he abhorred, should crowd in upon him." 

The Fool's Reproof. — " There was a certain nobleman,'' 
says Bishop Hall, " who kept a fool, to whom he one day 
gave a staff, with a charge to keep it till he should meet 
with one who was a greater fool than himself. Not many 
years after the -nobleman fell sick even unto death. The 
fool came to see him ; his sick lord said unto him, ' I must 
shortly leave you.' ■ And whither are you going ?' ' Into 
another world,' replied his lordship. ' And when will you 
come again ? within a month ?' 'No.' 'Within a year?' 
' No.' ' When then ?' ' Never.' ' Never !' said the fool ; 
' and what provision hast thou made for thy entertainment 
there whither thou goest?' 'None at all.' 'No?' said the 
fool, 'none at all ! Here, then, take my staff; for, with all 
my folly, I am not guilty of any such folly as this.' " 

Pious Philosopher. — Mr. Robert Hooke, the mathema- 
tician and philosopher, seldom received any remarkable ben- 
efit in life, or made any considerable discovery in nature, or 
invented any useful contrivance, or found out any difficult 
problem, without setting down his acknowledgment to God. 
How amiable is Philosophy when she walks by the side of 
her elder sister Religion ! 

Human Nature.— -When some one was talking before 
that acute Scotchman, Doctor Cheyne, of the excellence of 
human nature, " Hoot, hoot, mon," said he, " human nature 
is a rogue and a scoundrel, or why would it 'perpetually 
stand in need of laws and, religion V And, surely, if a 
cause be examined by its effect, if a principle be considered 
by its operation, that man must indeed be blind who will 
not acknowledge the depravity of human nature. 

Free Will. — Dr. Gill once preaching on human inability, 
a gentleman present was much offended, and took him to 
task for degrading human nature. "Pray, sir," said the 
doctor, " what do you think that men can contribute to their 
own conversion ?" He enumerated a variety of particulars. 
" And have you done all this ?" said the doctor. " Why, 
no, I can't say I have yet ; but I hope I shall begin soon." 



MISCELLANEOUS. 365 

" If you have these things in your power and have not done 
them, you deserve to be doubly damned, and are but ill 
qualified to be an advocate for free-will, which has done you 
so little good." 



The Condescending General. — A certain general hap- 
pened to observe a common soldier distinguish himself, on 
the day of battle, with unusual activity and courage. Deter- 
mined to reward merit wherever it was found, he advanced 
the brave plebeian to a captain's post. The latter had not 
long enjoyed the honour before he came to his benefactor, 
and, with a dejected countenance, begged leave to resign his 
commission. The general, surprised at such an unexpected 
request, asked him the reason. " Your officers," said the 
petitioner, "being gentlemen of family and education, think 
it beneath them to associate or converse with a rustic. So 
that now I am abandoned on every side, and am less happy 
since my preferment than I was before this instance of your 
highness's favour." " Is that the cause of your uneasiness ?" 
inquired the general. " Then it shall be redressed, and that 
very speedily. To-morrow I shall review the army, and to- 
morrow your business shall be done." Accordingly, when 
the troops were drawn up, and expected every moment to 
begin their exercise, the general called the young hero from 
the ranks, leaned his hand upon his shoulder, and, in this fa- 
miliar and endearing position, walked with him through all 
the lines. The stratagem had its desired effect. After such 
a signal and public token of the prince's regard, the officers 
were emulous of his acquaintance, and courted rather than 
shunned his company. 

We may apply this to the case of many poor Christians. 
Will not the favour of the blessed Jesus give us as great a 
distinction and as high a recommendation in the heavenly 
world ? Will not the angelic hosts respect and honour those 
persons who appear washed in his blood, clothed with his 
righteousness, and wearing the most illustrious token of his 
love that he himself could possibly give ? 

In these tokens of his love may we be found ! Then 
shall we meet one another with courage and comfort at the 
great tribunal, with honour and joy amid the angels of light, 
with everlasting exultation and rapture around the throne of 
God and the Lamb ! 



Expositors Despised. — A certain divine being asked 
what he thought of a passage of Scripture, immediately 



ANECDOTES. 

gave his sense of it ; and on the querist replying, " I be- 
lieve, sir, expositors differ from you," he warmly answered, 
" Don't tell me about expositors ; I know the sense I have 
given to be the true one, for the Holy Spirit has taught me.' 
A silencing argument this ! Who could reply to it ? 

The Family Expositor. — Mr. W., a merchant of Bos- 
ton, in America, according to his wonted liberality, sent a 
present of chocolate, sugar, &c, to the Rev. Dr. B., with a 
billet desiring his acceptance of it as a comment on Gal. vi., 
6 : " Let him that is taught in the word communicate unto 
him that teacheth in all good things." The doctor, who was 
then confined by sickness, returned his compliments to Mr. 
W., thanked him for his excellent Family Expositor, and 
wished Mr. W. to give him a practical exposition of Matt, 
xxv., 36 : "I was sick, and ye visited me." 

A clergyman, once travelling in a stagecoach, was abruptly 
asked by one of the passengers if any of the heathens would 
go to heaven. " Sir," answered the clergyman, " 1 am not 
appointed judge of the world, and. consequently, cannot tell ; 
but, if ever you get to heaven, you shall either find some of 
them there, or a good reason why they are not there." 

A reply well fitted to answer an impertinent question, 
dictated at best by idle curiosity. 



Original Anecdote. — A venerable old gentleman, on 
whose locks more than eighty winters had shed their snows, 
being asked what were his religious sentiments now that 
he was approaching the world of spirits, replied, " I was at 
first a Baptist ; then a kind of New Light; afterward a Con- 
gregationalist ; now my only creed is, God be merciful to 



The late Rev. Mr. Buckminster, of Boston, so beloved 
during his lifetime, and so much lamented at his early death, 
sometimes indulged himself in the playfulness of wit. 
Coming from a concert one exceedingly dark and slippery 
night, he exclaimed, " Gentlemen, if you do not C sharp, you 
will B flat." 



Retort Courteous. — A few years since, a young clergy- 
man, well known in this region, whose zeal was something 
like that of Jehu's when on a journey to the East, was in 
company with the venerable and pious Dr. Lathrop; and 



MISCELLANEOUS. 367 

when, as he supposed, a proper opportunity presented for 
manifesting his peculiar attachment to his master's cause, 
he very abruptly said to the good doctor, " Well, old man, 
have you got any religion ?" The doctor cast a very tender 
and compassionate look, and replied, " Young man, / have 
no religion to boast of." — Rochester Observer. 



The Presence of God. — "You teach," said the Emper 
or Trajan to Rabbi Joshua, "that your God is everywhere, 
and boast that he resides among your nation. I should 
like to see him." " God's presence is indeed everywhere," 
replied Joshua, " but he cannot be seen ; no mortal eye can 
behold his glory." The emperor insisted. " Well," said 
Joshua, " suppose we try to look first at one of his ambassa- 
dors ?" The emperor consented. The rabbi took him into 
the open air at noon day, and bid him look at the sun in its 
meridian splendour. " I cannot," said Trajan ; " the light 
dazzles me." " Thou art unable," said Joshua, " to endure 
the light of one of his creatures, and canst thou expect to 
behold the resplendent glory of the Creator ? Would not 
such a sight destroy you ?" — Hebrew Tales. 

A Sting in the Conscience. — " You will go with me 
to hear our minister to-day ?" said a serious youth in humble 
life to his younger brother. " Not to-day," was the answer ; 
" certainly not to-day." " Why not to-day ?" asked the 

other. " Because next week is the fair. I am sure Mr. 

will preach against it to-day, and then I should not enjoy the 
fair at all, for I should go with a sting in my conscience" 

Do not many scoffers, and also many professors, who only 
draw near to God with their lips, abstain from attending upon 
faithful preachers, or even blame them upon this very ac- 
count 1 If they would be as candid as this poor lad, would 
not their hearts confess similar feelings to his ? Would they 
not say, " I will not go to hear that preacher, for I am engaged 
in vain pursuits ; I indulge in frivolous amusements ; I occu- 
py all my time and talents in procuring needless riches. 
That strict preacher will testify against these things ; and, if 
I go and hear him, how can I enjoy these things, or engage 
in them with spirit and pleasure, for I shall have 'A sting in 
my conscience? " 



The Rev. John Fletcher. — " This evening I have buried 
one of the warmest opposers of my ministry, a stout, strong 
young man, aged twenty-four years. About three months 



368 ANECDOTES. 

ago he came to the churchyard with a corpse, but refused to 
come into the church. When the burial was over, I went 
to him and mildly expostulated with him. His constant an- 
swer was, ' That he had bound himself never to come to 
church while I was there ;' adding, ' that he would take the 
consequences,' &c. Seeing I got nothing, I left him, say- 
ing with uncommon warmth, though, as far as I can remem- 
ber, without the least touch of resentment, ' I am clear of 
your blood ; henceforth it is upon your own head ; you will 
not come to church on your legs, prepare to come upon your 
neighbours' shoulders.' He wasted from that time, and, to 
my great surprise, hath been buried on the spot where we 
were when the conversation passed between us. When I 
visited him in his sickness, he seemed tame as a wolf in a 
trap. Oh, may God have turned him into a sheep in his last 
hours !" — Benson's Life of Fletcher, p. 85. 

Democritus. — We may learn a lesson here from a hea 
then philosopher. 

It is said of Democritus that he continually laughed at the 
follies and vanities of mankind, who distract themselves with 
care, and are at once a prey to hope and anxiety. He told 
Darius, who was inconsolable for the loss of his wife, that he 
would raise her from the dead if he could find three persons 
who had gone through life without adversity, whose names 
he might engrave on the queen's monument. The king's 
inquiry to find such persons proved unavailing, and the phi- 
losopher in some manner soothed the sorrow of his sovereign. 
If a heathen could both dictate and practise submission, what 
ought not a Christian to do ? 

The Report Discredited. — A report once prevailed in 
a certain town of Italy that the enemy w T as coming to storm 
it ; upon which the inhabitants made a law that forbade such 
a report to be credited ; and, when the enemy really arrived, 
no one mentioned it, or took up arms in his own defence, 
and the town was easily taken. Thus it is with the impen- 
itent ; they are taught to believe there is no danger, until at 
last they are swept away without remedy. 

Bishop Asbury. — Mr. Asbury being asked his thoughts 
on imputed righteousness, observed, " Were I disposed to 
boast, my boasting would be found true. I obtained religion 
at the age of thirteen. At the age of sixteen I began to 
preach, and travelled some time in Europe. At twenty-six 



MISCELLANEOUS. 369 

I left my native land, and bid adieu to my weeping parents, 
and crossed the boisterous ocean to spend the balance of my 
days in a strange land partly settled by savages. I have 
travelled through heat and cold for forty-five years. In 
thirty years I have crossed the Alleghany Mountains fifty- 
eight times. I have often slept in the woods without neces- 
sary food or raiment. In the Southern States I have waded 
swamps and led my horse for miles, where I took colds that 
brought on the diseases that are now preying on my system, 
and must soon terminate in death. But my mind is still the 
same ; that it is through the merits of Christ I am to be 
saved." 



God sees me. — Persons inclined to the sin of stealing are 
satisfied if they can only be certain they shall not be dis- 
covered. I once heard it related, that a man who was in 
the habit of going to a neighbour's cornfield to steal the ears 
one day took with him his son, a boy of eight years of 
age. The father told him to hold the bag while he looked 
if any one was near to see him. After standing on the fence 
and peeping through all the corn-rows, he returned to take 
the bag from the child, and began his guilty work. " Father," 
said the boy, " you forgot to look somewhere else." The 
man dropped the bag in a fright, and said, "Which way, 
child?" supposing he had seen some one. "You forgot 
to look up to the sky to see if God was noticing you." The 
father felt this reproof of the child so much that he left the 
corn, returned home, and never again ventured to steal ; 
remembering the truth his child had taught him, that the 
eye of God always beholds us. " God sees me" is a thought 
that would keep us from many evil acts if we tried con- 
stantly to feel its truth. 

Welsh Anecdote. On the Support op the Ministry. 
— " Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse." A Welsh 
clergyman, invited to assist in the ordination of a minister in 
some part of England, was appointed to deliver the address 
to the church and congregation ; and having been informed 
that their previous minister had suffered much from pecu- 
niary embarrassment, although the church was fully able to 
support him comfortably, he took the following singular 
method of administering reproof. 

In his address to the church he remarked, "You have 
been praying, no doubt, that God would send you a man after 
his own heart to be your pastor. You have done well. 

A A A 



370 ANECDOTES. 

God, we hope, has heard your prayer, and given you such 
a minister as he approves, who will go in and out before 
you, and feed your souls with the bread of life. But now 
you have prayed for a minister, and God has given you one 
to your mind, you have something more to do ; you must 
take care of him ; and, in order to his being happy among 
you, I have been thinking you have need to pray again. 
' Pray again ? Pray again ? What should we pray again for ?' 
1 Well, I think you have need to pray again.' ' But for 
what V ' Why, I'll tell you. Pray that God would put Ja- 
cob's ladder down to the earth again.' 'Jacob's ladder! 
Jacob's ladder ! What has Jacob's ladder to do with our 
minister V ' Why, I think, if God would put Jacob's ladder 
down, that your minister could go up into heaven on the 
Sabbath evening after preaching, and remain there all the 
week ; then he could come down every Sabbath morning 
so spiritually minded and so full of heaven, that he would 
preach to you almost like an angel.' ' Oh, yes, that may be 
all very well ; and, if it were possible, we should like it ; but, 
then, we need our minister with us during the week, to at- 
tend prayer-meetings, visit the sick, hear experience, give 
advice, &c, &c, and, therefore, must have him always with 
us ; we want the whole of his time and attention.' ' That 
may be, and I will admit the necessity of his daily atten- 
tions to your concerns ; but, then, you will remember, that 
if he remains here he must have bread and cheese ; and I 
have been told that your former minister was often wanting 
the common necessaries of life, while many of you can en- 
joy its luxuries ; and, therefore, I thought, if God would put 
Jacob's ladder down, your present minister might preach to 
you on the Sabbath, and, by going up into heaven after the> 
services of the day, save you the painful necessity of sup- 
porting him.' " — Col. Star. 

The Rich Man Confounded. — To be enabled to appro- 
priate the Saviour as our wisdom, righteousness, sanctinca- 
tion, and redemption, is of all enjoyments the greatest. The 
possession of wealth, talents, power, and fame, all sink to 
nothing when compared with this. The poorest, the most 
obscure, therefore, with this, is infinitely more happy than 
the most elevated without it. A gentleman one day took an 
acquaintance of his upon the leads of his house to show him 
the extent of his possession : waving his hand about, 
" There," says he, " that is my estate." Then pointing to 
a great distance on one side, " Do you see that farm ?" 



MISCELLANEOUS. 371 

"Yes." " Well, that is mine." Pointing again to the other 
side, " Do you see that house ?" " Yes." " That also be- 
longs to me." " Then," said his friend, " do you see that 
little village out yonder?" "Yes." " Well, there lives a 
poor woman in that village who can say more than all this." 
" Ay ! what can she say ?" " Why, she can say, ' Christ 



Interesting Anecdote. — A gentleman was known by 
his nearest and dearest friend, his wife, never to lie down 
upon his pillow some years before his death, or raise his 
head from it in the morning, without repeating the short 
hymn annexed to this anecdote ; and sometimes he would 
inadvertently burst into ejaculations in company, when two 
or three lines of it were distinctly heard before he could 
recollect himself: the cause at that time was unknown ; but, 
after his decease, a paper was found in his bureau to the 
following purport : " You will no longer be surprised at my 
involuntary effusions of feeble gratitude to the Almighty, 
which broke forth occasionally in gay company, when you 
shall read that many years since the dread of approaching 
poverty, disgrace, humiliation, and desertion of friends had 
brought me to the fatal resolution of putting an end to my 
existence. Conscious that I had brought misfortune upon a 
numerous family by my own imprudence, dissipation, and 
pride, I considered my punishment as an act of justice. 
The destined moment arrived ; already had I loaded, primed, 
and cocked ; when, strange to relate ! though I had not read 
a page in the Bible for years, a reflection came suddenly 
across my mind ; ' Jesus of Nazareth,' said I to myself, 
' was a man (for I disbelieved in his divinity) acquainted 
with sorrows, endured a life of poverty, was exposed to pub- 
lic scorn and derision, suffered pain of body and agony of 
mind, and had nothing to reproach himself with, yet this re- 
former of the morals of mankind, this benefactor to society, 
this illustrious pattern of fortitude, patience, and humility, 
was, by an unthankful world, put to death : he was crucified ! 
but he crucified not himself!' Repeating these last words 
a second time with unusual energy, pride, disdain, shame, 
and contempt of my inability humbly to imitate this striking 
example of bearing afflictions manfully, produced a passion- 
ate conflict of mind, in which paroxysm I madly flung the 
pistol some distance from me ; to add to the affecting scene, 
it went off, unheard but by my affectionate wife, who reli- 
giously kept the secret: her consolations restored me to 



372 ANECDOTES. 

temporary tranquillity, but the work of Providence was not 
yet completed ; not a week had elapsed, and settled melan- 
choly was again taking possession of my soul, when a letter 
announced the death of a distant relation, and summoned 
me to the reading of his will, by which he had bequeathed 
me sufficient not only to clear me of all encumbrances, but 
to enable me, with the assistance of a considerable surplus, 
to exert my abilities in the line of my profession for the 
genteel support of my family, and even to aim at a moderate 
independence, which you will find I have at length acquired." 

" Rise, oh my soul ! the hour review, 

When, awed by guilt and fear, 
Thou durst not Heaven for mercy sue, 

Nor hope for pity here ! 
Dried are thy tears, thy griefs are fled, 

Dispell'd each bitter care ; 
For Heaven itself did send its aid, 

To snatch thee from despair ! 
Then here, oh God, thy work fulfil; 

And from thy mercy's throne 
Vouchsafe me strength to do thy will, 

And to resist my own. 
So shall my soul each power employ 

Thy mercies to adore, 
While Heaven itself proclaims with joy 

One rescued sinner more !" 



Heaven. — When Anaxagoras was accused of not study- 
ing politics for his country's good, he replied, " I have a 
very great care of my country," pointing up to heaven. So 
a Christian looks upon heaven as his country, and considers 
himself as a stranger and pilgrim here on earth ; nor will 
his heavenly-mindedness detract from his patriotism, for he 
is the best friend to order and happiness on earth whose af- 
fections are most set on things in heaven. 

The idolatrous temple of Diana was so bright and splen- 
did, that the doorkeeper always cried to them that entered 
in, " Take heed to your eyes." But what faculties of vision 
must we have to behold the glory of the Temple above ! 
If it is said that the righteous themselves shall shine forth as 
the sun, what will be the splendour of the Eternal Throne 1 

A distinguished character in a neighbouring nation had 
an extraordinary mark of distinction and honour sent him by 
his prince as he lay on his deathbed. " Alas !" said he, 
looking coldly upon it, " this is a mighty fine thing in this 
country; but I am just going to a country where it will be 
of no service to me." 



Plays. — " He that is not satisfied," says Bishop Wilson, 



MISCELLANEOUS. 373 

" that plays are an unlawful diversion, let him, if he dare, 
offer up this prayer to God before he goes : ' Lord, lead me 
not into temptation, and bless me in what I am now to be 
employed.' " There are many other occupations and amuse- 
ments in which the same advice is worth attending to. 

Human Reason. — While human reason is not to be de 
spised, we must ever remember it is not to be idolized. 
Man, in his present state, is a disordered being; his under- 
standing is clouded, and his reasoning powers are injured by 
the fall. To suppose we can know everything, and espe- 
cially divine things, by the mere effort of reason, is absurd. 
Revelation, as it was necessary, so it has been vouchsafed 
to mankind ; those, therefore, who take this as their rule, 
are certain to obtain true knowledge ; but those who refuse 
it must still wander on in error. As divine revelation is 
given, so divine influence is promised. As all systems, both 
in creation and Providence, are maintained and carried on 
by a constant supernatural energy, so the mind lies dead, 
dark, and insensible until it becomes the subject of divine 
operation. 

Several learned men tried to persuade a great scholar to 
believe in Christianity, but it seems all their labour was in 
vain. A plain honest person, however, managed the argu- 
ment in a different manner, by referring not so much to 
logical reasoning as to the work of the Divine Spirit; so that 
at last the scholar exclaimed, "When I heard no more than 
human reason, I opposed it with human reason ; but when I 
heard the Spirit, I was obliged to surrender." Thus it is 
that the wisest, trusting to their own wisdom, are lost ; while 
those who are taught of the Spirit know the way of God in 
truth. 



Pause. — It is said of a captain, of whom historians have 
taken more care to record the wisdom than the name, that 
he required the Emperor Charles V. to discharge him from 
his service. Charles asked the reason. The prudent sol- 
dier replied, " Because there ought to be a pause between 
the hurry of life and the day of death." 



374 ANECDOTES. 



INFIDELITY AND INFIDELS. 

An Atheist. — An Atheist is an overgrown libertine ; and, 
if we believe his own genealogy, he is a by-blow begot by 
hazard, and flung into the world by necessity ; he moves by 
wheels, and has no more soul than a windmill ; he is thrust 
on by fate, and acts by mere compulsion ; he is no more 
master of his deeds than of his being, and, therefore, is as 
constant to his word as the wind to the same point ; so that 
an Atheist, by his principles, is a knave per se and an honest 
man per accidens. In fine, he starts out of dust and van 
ishes into nothing. 



*£»" 



Feeling of Infidels. — One of the most sensible men I 
ever knew, says one, but whose life as well as creed had 
been rather eccentric, returned me the following answer, not 
many months before his death, when I asked him " whether 
his former irregularities were not both accompanied at the 
time and succeeded afterward by some sense of mental 
pain." "Yes," said he, "but I have scarce ever owned it 
until now. We" (meaning we infidels and men of fashiona- 
ble morals) "do not tell you all that passes in our hearts !" 

Another. — An instance of the power of conscience we 
have in Lord Rochester. " One day," says he, " I was at 
an atheistical meeting at a person's of quality : I under- 
took to manage the cause, and was the principal disputant 
against God and piety, and for my performance received the 
applause of the whole company ; upon which my mind was 
terribly struck, and I immediately applied to myself, ' Good 
God ! that a man that walks upright, that sees the wonderful 
works of God, and has the use of his senses and reason, 
should use them to the defying of his Creator.' " 



Impiety. — Louis IX. actually stopped a priest, who, after 
having prayed for the health of his body, was beginning to 
implore Heaven for his future welfare : "Hold ! hold !" cried 
he, " you have gone far enough for once. Never be tire- 
some in your address to God Almighty. Stop now, and pray 
for my soul another time." 

How true is Rom. viii., 7 ? — A certain gentleman in 
France, having feasted high on sensual gratifications, said, 
" Let God Almighty give me all the good things in Paris, 



MISCELLANEOU S. 375 

and secure me from the monster death, and he may keep his 
heaven to himself and welcome." 

Henry II. hearing Mentz, his chief city was taken, used 
this blasphemous speech : " I shall never," said he, " love 
God any more, that suffered a city so dear to me to be taken 
from me." 



Collins. — Collins, though he had no belief in Chris- 
tianity, yet qualified himself for civil office by partaking of 
the Lord's Supper ; Shaftesbury did the same ; and the 
same is done by hundreds of infidels to this day. Yet these 
are the men who are continually declaiming against the hy- 
pocrisy of priests ! 

Scoffers Reproved. — Another of the same insolent 
tribe once accosted a poor but pious woman by saying, 
" So, I find you are one of those fools who believe in the 
Bible !" "Yes," said she, " and with good reason, while so 
many infidels exist to prove the truth of its testimony, that 
in every age there will he a generation of fools like you to 
blaspheme it /" 

The following is very laconic, but worthy to be observed : 
A rake went into a church and tried to decoy a girl by say- 
ing, " Why do you attend to such stuff as these Scriptures ?" 
" Because," said she, " they tell me that in the last days there 
shall come such scoffers as you !" Well said, truly ! ! 



Ignorant Infidel. — Men of infidel principles are some- 
times as ignorant as they are impertinent. One of this sort 
was making himself merry in a large company, at the ex- 
pense of the Scriptures, and told his companions that he 
could prove the prophet of the Christians (as he called 
Christ) mistaken, even upon the most common subjects. 
After awakening the curiosity of the company, he thus grat- 
ified it. " Christ says that old bottles are not so strong as 
new (alluding to Matt, ix., 17), and, therefore, if new wine 
is put into old bottles, it will break them. Now, don't every- 
body know that old glass is just as strong as new ? for who 
ever heard that glass was the weaker for being old ?" 

A clergyman in company, who had been made the butt 
of his wit, gently reproved the ignorance and folly of this 
witling by asking him if he understood Greek. " Greek, 
sir ! no, sir ; but what has Greek to do with it ? A bottle 
is a bottle, whether it be in Greek or English ; everybody 
knows that an old bottle is just as good and as strong as a 



ft 



376 ANECDOTES. 

new one." " Not quite, sir," replied the other; " if they are 
made of leather or skins, as the fact was as to the bottles 
Christ speaks of, as the Greek name imports ; and, indeed, it 
is so in many countries even to this day, that people use 
skins by way of vessels to contain wine." On which side 
the laughter of the company turned is not very difficult to 
conceive. We may here learn that the knowledge of the 
original languages in which the Scriptures are written is of 
no small utility to a Christian minister. 

To a young infidel, who was scoffing at Christianity be- 
cause of the misconduct of its professors, the late Dr. Mason 
said, " Did you ever know an uproar to be made because an 
infidel went astray from the paths of morality ?" The infidel 
admitted that he had not. "Then don't you see," said Dr. 
M., " that, by expecting the professors of Christianity to be 
holy, you admit it to be a holy religion, and thus pay it the 
highest compliment in your power ?" The young man was 
silent. 



Voltaire. — The hero of modern infidels, we are informed, 
when he came to die, was in the greatest horror. When the 
doctor came he exclaimed, "I am abandoned by God and man. 
Doctor, I will give you half of what I am worth if you will 
give me six months life." The doctor answered, " Sir, you 
cannot live six weeks." Voltaire replied, " Then I shall go 
to hell, and you will go with me !" and soon expired. 



The Infidel Corrected. — A young gentleman of mod- 
erate understanding, but of great vivacity, by dipping into 
many authors of the modish and freethinking turn, had ac- 
quired a little smattering of knowledge, just enough to make 
an Atheist or a Freethinker, but not a philosopher or a man 
of sense. With these accomplishments he went into the 
country to visit his father, who was a plain, rough, honest 
man, and wise, though not learned. The son, who took all 
opportunities to show his learning, began to establish a new 
religion in the family, and to enlarge the narrowness of their 
country notions ; in which he succeeded so well that he se- 
duced the butler by his table-talk, and staggered his eldest 
sister. The old gentleman began to be alarmed at the 
schisms that arose among his children, but did not yet be- 
lieve his son's doctrine to be so pernicious as it really was, 
till one day, talking of his setting dog, the son said he did not 
question but Carlo was as immortal as any one of the family ; 



MISCELLANEOUS. 377 

and, in the heat of the argument, told his father that, for hia 
part, he expected to die like a dog. Upon which the old 
man, starting up in a passion, cried out, " Then, sirrah, you 
shall live like one f and, taking his cane in his hand, cud- 
gelled him out of his system, and brought him to more seri- 
ous reflections and better studies. 

" I do not," continues Sir Richard Steele, from whom this 
story is taken, " mention the cudgelling part of the story 
with a design to engage the secular arm in matters of this 
nature ; but certainly, if it ever exerts itself in affairs of opin- 
ion and speculation, it ought to do it on such shallow and 
despicable pretenders to knowledge, who endeavour to give 
a man dark and uncomfortable prospects of his being, and 
to destroy those principles which are the support, happiness, 
and glory of all public societies as well as of private persons." 

Gibbon. — The late celebrated Mr. Gibbon, just before his 
death, confessed that " when he considered all worldly 
things, they were all fleeting; when he looked back, they 
had been fleeting ; when he looked forward, all was dark 
and doubtful." Surely no one can wish to be an infidel for 
the comfort of it ! 



Remarks of Cecil. — " My heart has yearned," says M. 
Cecil, " at marking a great man, wise in his generation, 
skilfully holding the reins of a vast enterprise, grasping with 
a mighty mind its various relations, and penetrating with an 
eagle's eye into — what ? everything but himself. A fallen 
spirit in a disordered world ! Having a day of salvation, 
and that neglected ! How natural was the dying language 
of such a one when he cried out, ' The battle is fought, the 
battle is fought ; but the victory is lost for ever /' 

" Alas ! how many celebrated geniuses, how many deep 
philosophers, how many splendid conquerors shall awake in 
eternity from their vain dreams of glory ; each wishing he 
had been an idiot, or even a brute, that he might never 
have been eternally a wretch, responsible for talents and 
privileges neglected and abused .'"—-See Rev. Mr. Cecil's 
Sermon entitled " The true Patriot." 



Influence of Infidelity. — Infidelity is not only shock- 
ing as to its nature, but every way injurious as to its tend- 
ency. The following instance is a confirmation of it. A 
servant who waited at the table of Mr. M., often hearing this 
subject brought forward, at last became as great an adept in 

Bbb 



378 ANECDOTES. 

these principles as his master; and being thoroughly con- 
vinced that for any of his misdeeds he should have no after- 
account to make, was resolved to profit by the doctrine, and 
made off with many things of value, particularly the plate. 
He was, however, so closely pursued, that he was brought 
back with his prey to his master's house, who examined him 
before some select friends. At first the man was sullen, and 
would answer no questions ; but being urged to give a rea- 
son for his infamous behaviour, he resolutely said, " I had 
heard you so often talk of the impossibility of a future state, 
and that, after death, there was no reward for virtue or pun- 
ishment for vice, that I was tempted to commit the robbery." 
" Well, but, you rascal," replied Mallet, " had you no fear 
of the gallows ?" " Sir," said the fellow, looking sternly at 
his master. " what is that to you ? If I had a mind to ven- 
ture that, you had removed my greatest terror ; why should 
I fear the least ?" 



The Caviller Reproved. — A certain man went to a der- 
vis and proposed three questions. 1st. Why do they say 
that God is omnipresent ? I do not see him in any place ; 
show me where he is. 2dly. Why is man punished for 
crimes, since whatever he does proceeds from God ? man 
has no free-will, for he cannot do anything contrary to the 
will of God ; and, if he had power, he would do everything 
for his own good. 3dly. How can God punish Satan in 
hell fire, since he is formed of that element ? and what 
impression can fire make on itself? 

The dervis took up a large clod of earth and struck him 
on the head with it. The man went to the cadi, and said, 
" I proposed three questions to such a dervis, who flung such 
a clod of earth at me as has made my head ache." The cadi, 
having sent for the dervis, asked, " Why did you throw a 
clod of earth at his head instead of answering his questions ?" 
The dervis replied, " The clod of earth was an answer to his 
speech. He says he has a pain in his head ; let him show 
me where it is, and I will make God visible to him. And 
why does he exhibit a complaint to you against me ? What- 
ever I did was the act of God ; I did not strike him without 
the will of God, and what power do I possess ? And, as he 
is compounded of earth, how can he suffer pain from that 
element ?" The man was confounded, and the cadi highly 
pleased with the dervis's answer. , 



The Atheist Convinced. — The famous astronomer 



MISCELLANEOUS. 379 

Athanasius Kircher, having an acquaintance who denied the 
existence of a Supreme Being, took the following method to 
convince him of his error upon his own principles. Expect- 
ing him upon a visit, he procured a very handsome globe of the 
starry heavens, which, being placed in a corner of the room 
in which it could not escape his friend's observation, the lat- 
ter seized the first occasion to ask from whence it came and 
to whom it belonged. " Not to me," said Kircher, " nor was 
it ever made by any person, but came here by mere chance." 
"That," replied his skeptical friend, "is absolutely impossi- 
ble ; you surely jest." Kircher, however, seriously persist- 
ing in his assertion, took occasion to reason with his friend 
upon his own atheistical principles. " You will not," said 
he, " believe that this small body originated in mere chance ; 
and yet you would contend that those heavenly bodies, of 
which it is only a faint and diminutive resemblance, came 
into existence without order and design." Pursuing this 
chain of reasoning, his friend was at first confounded, in the 
next place convinced, and ultimately joined in a cordial ac- 
knowledgment of the absurdity of denying the existence of 
a God. 



Colonel Ethan Allen. — Colonel Ethan Allen was a 
bold officer in the American revolution. He could face the 
enemies of his country with the most undaunted bravery, and 
in the field of battle he never shrunk from danger. But he 
was an opposer of Christianity, and gloried in the character 
of an infidel. His wife, however, was a pious woman, and 
taught her children in the ways of piety, while he told them 
it was all a delusion. But there was an hour coming when 
Colonel Allen's confidence in his own sentiments would be 
closely tried. A beloved daughter was taken sick ; he re- 
ceived a message that she was dying ; he hastened to her bed- 
side, anxious to hear her dying words. " Father," said she, 
" I am about to die ; shall I believe in the principles which 
you have taught me, or shall I believe what my mother has 
taught me ?" This was an affecting scene. The intrepid 
colonel became agitated ; his chin quivered ; his whole frame 
shook ; and, after waiting a few moments, he replied, " Be- 
lieve luhat your mother has taught you^ 



" The Devil is Dead." — It is said that some time after 
the publication of Mr. Haynes's sermon on the text, " Thou 
shalt not surely die," two reckless young men having agreed 
together to try his wit, one of them said, " Father Haynes, 



880 ANECDOTES. 

have you heard the good news ?" " No," said he, " what s 
it ?" " It is great news, indeed," said the other ; " and, if 
true, your business is done." " What is it ?" again inquired 
Mr. Haynes. " Why," said the first, " the devil is dead." 
In a moment the old gentleman replied, lifting up both his 
hands and placing them on the heads of the young men, and 
in a tone of solemn concern, " Oh, poor fatherless children ! 
what will become of you ?" 

Robespierre. — On the 30th of May, 1791, Robespierre 
spoke in the National Assembly in favour of abolishing the 
punishment of death ; and yet there hardly ever was an in- 
dividual who showed less regard for human life, or shed blood 
with such indiscriminate profusion. 



Destruction of Robespierre. — The celebrated Jean 
Lambert Tallien had formed a tender friendship with the 
beautiful Madame Cabarus, so celebrated in revolutionary 
history ; but, at the period in question, mutual jealousy 
had interrupted their attachment. She was thrown into a 
dungeon by order of Robespierre ; and when it was con- 
ceived she had been sufficiently terrified by imprisonment 
and the prospect of the guillotine, she was offered life and 
liberty if she would betray the councils of Tallien, and ena- 
ble his enemies to ruin him. Although her lover had been 
faithless and had deserted her, she refused the offer with in- 
dignation ; and, with great difficulty, had the following letter 
conveyed to him : 

" The Minister of Police has announced to me that to- 
morrow I am to appear at the tribunal, that is to say, I am 
to ascend the scaffold. I dreamed last night that Robes- 
pierre was no more, and that my prison doors were opened. 
A brave man might have realized my dream ; but, thanks to 
your notorious cowardice, no one remains who is capable of 
its accomplishment." 

Tallien answered merely, " Be prudent as I shall prove 
brave ; and, above all, be tranquil." 

The next day he hurried to the tribunal, and, regardless 
of danger, accused the miscreant Robespierre in his own 
presence. The eloquence of Tallien had always been com- 
manding and impressive ; but on this occasion it was com- 
pared to the impetuous flowing of a river, whose course has 
been prematurely stopped. He portrayed the vices of 
Robespierre and his companions ; the cruelty and the other 
excesses of their government, which had deprived France 



MISCELLANEOUS. 381 

of her most illustrious citizens. Then, taking a dagger from 
his bosom, he rushed towards the statue of Brutus, his own 
immortal prototype, and swore that he himself would stab the 
tyrant to the heart if his countrymen did not deliver them- 
selves from their disgraceful bondage. His language, his 
action, and his animated eye were irresistible, for they re- 
called the Roman hero to the minds of all the auditors. 
Robespierre was astounded, and attempted to defend him- 
self. The moment was critical ; the life of Tallien hung 
upon a thread ; but his eloquence prevailed, and the tribunal 
regained its lost character. The tyrant was sent to the scaf- 
fold ; Madame Cabarus and other intended victims were 
saved, and the reign of terror was abolished. 

Prophecy Fulfilled. — As Mr. Haynes was travelling 
in the State of Vermont, he fell in with a person of infidel 
principles. He soon discovered himself to be an unprin- 
cipled scoffer at religion. In the course of conversation he 
demanded of Mr. Haynes what evidence he had for believ- 
ing the Bible. " Why, sir," answered Mr. Haynes, " the 
Bible, which was written more than a thousand years ago, 
informs me that I should meet just such a man as yourself." 
"But how can you show that?" returned the caviller. 
"Why, sir, the Bible says, 2 Pet. iii., 3, * In the last days 
scoffers shall come, walking after their own lusts.' " 

Voltaire's Last Hours. — From " Letters on Female 
Character, addressed to a young lady on the death of her 
mother, by Mrs. Virginia Cary." 

" The enemies of religion are indeed the enemies of the 
whole race of man. They would take from their fellow- 
beings the sole remedy provided by Omnipotent mercy for 
the variety of ills which constitute the inheritance of man. 
They would shut out the healing stream from the diseased 
and dying in this world, and close for ever the golden gates 
of heaven upon the toil-worn pilgrims who have faltered 
through their appointed course of earthly trials, and might 
be entitled to a blessed inheritance above. 

" There is something appalling to the imagination in the 
contemplation of Voltaire's last moments. Yet it is a pic- 
ture which should be hung up for exhibition before the con- 
gregated world. What unutterable horrors pervaded his 
soul when it received its final summons to appear before his 
Maker and its Judge ! He was discovered by his attendant 
with a book of prayers in his hand, endeavouring, with a 



382 ANECDOTES. 

faltering tongue, to repeat some of the petitions for mercy 
addressed to that Being whose name he had blasphemed. 
He had fallen from his bed in convulsive agonies, and lay 
foaming with impotent despair on the floor, exclaiming, 
'Will not this God, whom I have denied, save me too? 
Cannot infinite mercy extend to me V Awful spectacle ' 
Where was the fame for which he had laboured ? the ap- 
plause which had been the breath of his nostrils ? Where 
were the- hollow-hearted flatterers, whose faithless profes- 
sions of friendship had deceived him in prosperity ? Alas ! 
they were the first to forsake him in the hour of misery ! 
His last moments were attended solely by a hired menial, who 
is said to have inquired, when next applied to in her profes- 
sional capacity, whether the gentleman who wanted her ser- 
vices was a philosopher ? for she declared herself unable 
to stand the horror of another scene like the deathbed of 
Voltaire, and would rather forego the emolument than en- 
gage in such an arduous and soul-appalling duty. 

" What must have been the condition of that departed spirit 
when the dread realities of the future burst upon its unob- 
structed vision ! when the awful throne of an insulted sov- 
ereign rose in sublime majesty before the immortal soul, on 
its entrance into eternity ! when the first object it beheld, 
in the dread realms of futurity, was the Being whose exist- 
ence he had denied, whose cause he had persecuted ! and 
that Being enthroned in omnipotence as a final Judge ! Let 
us draw a veil over the terrific spectacle." 



A Blush. — What a mysterious thing is a blush ! that a 
single word, a look, or a thought, should send that inimitable 
carnation over the cheek, like the soft tints of a summer 
sunset! Strange, too, that it is only the /ace, the human 
face, that is capable of blushing ! The hand or the foot 
does not turn red with modesty or shame any more than 
the glove or the sock which covers then. It is the face that 
is the heaven of the soul ! There may be traced the intellec- 
tual phenomena, with a confidence amounting to moral cer- 
tainty. A single blush should put the infidel to shame, and 
prove to him the absurdity of his blind doctrine of chance. 

Vehemence. — Bolingbroke left one of his infidel publica- 
tions to be published after his death by Mallet, a brother un- 
believer. Dr. Johnson, when asked his opinion of the lega- 
cy, exclaimed, " A scoundrel ! who spent his life in charging 
a popgun against Christianity; and a coward! who, afraid 



MISCELLANEOUS. 383 

of the report of his own gun, left half a crown to a hungry 
Scotchman to pull the trigger after his death." 

Hume, the Atheist. — David Hume, author of the cele- 
brated History of England, having one day visited the house 
of a certain gentleman in Edinburgh, was surprised by the 
marked contempt and disgust evidenced at his presence by 
a small boy of about four years of age. " Why do you shun 
me, my sweet little fellow ?" inquired the philosopher. " Be- 
cause you are not a good man, seeing you deny the existence 
of God," replied the child. " Why, then, do you not pray 
for me ?" said Hume : whereupon the child, immediately 
raising its hands and eyes to the heavens, uttered this won- 
derful ejaculation : " O God ! be pleased to impart to him 
the truth of thy existence." Such was the impression of 
this brief, emphatic, and unexpected prayer upon the mind 
of Hume, that he is said to have remembered and repeated 
it to the last hour of his life. 

The Philistine's Head ; or, the Infidel Reproved. — 
A gay young spark, of a deistical turn, travelling in a stage- 
coach to London, forced his sentiments on the company by 
attempting to ridicule the Scriptures ; and, among other top- 
ics, made himself merry with the story of David and Goliath, 
strongly urging the impossibility of a youth like David be- 
ing able to throw a stone with sufficient force to sink it into 
the giant's forehead. On this he appealed to the company, 
and in particular to a grave gentleman of the denomination 
called Quakers, who sat silent in one corner of the carriage. 
" Indeed, friend," replied he, " I do not think it at all improb- 
able, if the Philistine's head was as soft as thine." 



Voltaire and Chesterfield. — When Voltaire was in 
England, he was highly caressed by all the English nobility, 
but by none more than Lord Chesterfield. His lordship 
gave him a general invitation to his table, and always ac- 
cused the bard of inattention when he did not dine with him. 
Voltaire frequently excused himself in the most polite terms ; 
but, being one day a little hard run by his lordship on the oc- 
casion, the poet replied with acrimony, " My lord, I always 
consider it as a singular honour to be in company with a no- 
bleman of your lordship's genius and abilities ; but really, my 
lord, when I find how much you prostitute the gifts of nature 
by entertaining sharpers and adventurers, I pity your judg- 
ment and admire my own abilities." His lordship turned 



384 ANECDOTES. 

upon his heel, and retorted, " Jaime Vesprit, mime quand 
je le trouve dans un coquin ; I love mind, even when I 
meet with it in a scoundrel/' Voltaire did not rejoin. 



New Union. — Abner Kneeland, the Atheist of Boston, in 
reply to a compliment paid him by the Catholic Sentinel, 
speaks of a union between Atheists and Catholics as fol- 
lows : 

" Let this union but take place, and the great Western 
Valley will speak in a voice of thunder, that all the mission- 
ary fanatics of our country will never be able to silence." 

This is kind in Mr. Kneeland to have the interest of the 
'* great valley" so much at heart. But the union in the " great 
valley" would be all on one side, for the Atheists are as 
scarce among us as snakes and toads in Ireland. We have 
resided for years in the West, and traversed it for thousands 
of miles, and never yet have met an avowed Atheist. When 
this union is formed, Mr. Kneeland will have a large party 
here. " Deacon Givens and I," said a Rhode Islander, " keep 
more cows than any other two men in town." " How many 
does Deacon Givens keep ?" said a by-stander. " Twenty- 
nine." " And how many do you keep ?" " One." So it 
will be with Abner Kneeland's union between Atheists in 
the West and Catholics. He is in great trouble, and resem- 
bles the drunkard 

" Who caught hold of a sign-post and loudly did bawl, 
United we stand, divided we fall." — Cin. Journal. 



A Fool answered according to his Folly. — Near the 
Alleghany Mountains, an infidel judge was sitting with a 
circle of his friends, and ridiculing the account of the crea- 
tion of our race as inspiration gives it, and asserted that we 
came into existence by chance. " Perhaps,"said he, " some of 
us existed a while in less perfect organizations, and at length 
(nature always tending to perfection) we became men, and 
others sprang into life in other ways ; and if we could find a 
rich country now which had not been injured by the hand of 
man, I have no doubt that we should see them produced from 
the trees." Being fluent, self-confident, and in most respects 
superior to his audience, he made his doctrines appear very 
plausible, and asked this and that one of the company what 
they thought of them. All answered in the affirmative, till 
he asked a youthful stranger, as he sat silent in the corner, 
what he thought of them. " Indeed, sir," he replied, " I have 
no doubt at all upon the subject, for I have travelled in the 



MISCELLANEOUS. 385 

richest part of Texas, where I saw the forest in its native per- 
fection, unsullied by the hand of man, and there I have seen 
large hogs growing upon the trees. The nose is the end of 
the stem, as you see by its form ; and, when ripe, I have seen 
them fall, and proceed directly to eating the acorns that grew 
upon the same tree." This simple illustration of his princi- 
ples turned the laugh upon the judge, and was sufficient to 
counteract the evils he intended. — Pastor's Journal. 



J. J. Rousseau. — " I shall conclude this catalogue with a 
brief abstract of the confessions of J. J. Rousseau. After a 
good education in the Protestant religion, he was put appren- 
tice. Finding the situation disagreeable to him, he felt a 
strong propensity to vice, inclining him to covet, dissemble, 
lie, and at length to steal; a propensity of which he was 
never able afterward to divest himself. ' I have been a 
rogue,' says he, ' and am so still, sometimes, for trifles 
which I had rather take than ask for,' 

" He abjured the Protestant religion, and entered the hos- 
pital of the Catechumens at Taurin, to be instructed in that 
of the Catholics : ' For which, in return,' says he, ' I was to 
receive subsistence. From this interested conversion,' he 
adds, ' nothing remained but the remembrance of my having 
been both a dupe and an apostate.' 

" After this he resided with a Madame de Warren, with 
whom ' he lived in the greatest possible familiarity.' This 
lady often suggested that there would be no justice in the 
Supreme Being should he be strictly just to us ; because, 
not having bestowed what was necessary to render us essen- 
tially good, it would be requiring more than he had given. 
She was, nevertheless, a very good Catholic, or pretended 
at least to be one, and certainly desired to be such. If 
there had been no Christian morality established, Rousseau 
supposes she would have lived as though regulated by its 
principles. All her morality, however, was subordinate to 
the principles of M. Savel (who first seduced her from con- 
jugal fidelity, by urging, in effect, that exposure was the 
only crime), or, rather, she saw nothing in religion that con- 
tradicted them. Rousseau was far enough from being of 
this opinion, yet he confessed he dared not combat the argu- 
ments of the lady ; nor is it supposable he could, as he ap- 
pears to have acted on the same principles at the time 
1 Finding in her,' he adds, * all those ideas I had occasion foi 
to secure me from the fears of death and its future conse- 
quences, I drew confidence and security from this source * 

Ccc 17 



386 ANECDOTES. 

"The writings of Port Royal and those of the Oratory 
made him half a Jansenist ; and, notwithstanding all his con- 
fidence, their harsh theory sometimes alarmed him. A dread 
of hell, which, till then, he had never much apprehended, by 
little and little disturbed his security ; and, had not Madame 
de Warren tranquillized his soul, would at length have been 
too much for him. His confessor, also a Jesuit, contributed 
all in his power to keep up his hopes. 

" After this he became familiar with another female, The- 
resa. He began by declaring to her that he would never 
either abandon or marry her. Finding her pregnant with her 
first child, and hearing it observed in an eating-house that 
he who had best filled the Foundling Hospital was always 
the most applauded, • I said to myself,' quoth he, * since it 
is the custom of the country, they who live here may adopt 
it. I cheerfully determined upon it without the least scru- 
ple ; and the only one I had to overcome was that of The- 
resa, whom, with the greatest imaginable difficulty, I per- 
suaded to comply.' The year following, a similar inconve- 
nience was remedied by the same expedient ; no more re- 
flection on his part nor approbation on that of the mother. 
1 She obliged with trembling. My fault,' says he, ' was 
great ; but it was an error.' 

" He resolved on settling at Geneva ; and on going thither, 
and being mortified at his exclusion from the rights of a cit- 
izen by the profession of a religion different from his fore- 
fathers, he determined 'openly for the latter. ' I thought,' 
says he, ' the gospel being the same for every Christian, and 
the only difference in religious opinions the result of the ex- 
planations given by men to that which they did not under- 
stand, it was the exclusive right of the sovereign power in 
every country to fix the mode of worship and these unintel- 
ligible opinions ; and that, consequently, it was the duty of 
a citizen to admit the one and conform to the other in the 
manner prescribed by the law.' Accordingly, at Geneva he 
renounced popery. 

" After passing twenty years with Theresa he made her 
his wife. He appears to have intrigued with a Madame de 

H . Of his desires after that lady, he says, ' Guilty 

without remorse, I soon became so without measure.' Such, 
according to his own account, was the life of uprightness 
and honour which was to expiate for a theft which he had 
committed when a young man, and laid it to a female ser- 
vant, by which she lost her place and character. Such was 
Rousseau, the man whom the rulers of the French nation 



MISCELLANEOUS. 387 

have delighted to honour, and who, for writing this account, 
had the vanity and presumption to expect the applause of 
his Creator. ■ Whenever the last trumpet shall sound,' saith 
he, ' I will present myself before the Sovereign Judge with 
this book in my hand, and loudly proclaim, Thus have I 
acted — these were my thoughts — such was I. Power Eter- 
nal ! assemble round thy throne the innumerable throng of 
my fellow-mortals ! let them listen to my confessions, let 
them blush at my depravity, let them tremble at my suffer- 
ings ; let each in his turn expose, with equal sincerity, the 
failings, the wanderings of his heart ; and, if he dare, aver 
I was better than that man !' " So much for the morality of 
infidels ! ! ] 



Whatever specious arguments infidels bring forward in 
support of their doctrines, there is one thing which seems 
very prominent in their characters ; I mean pride. They 
oppose their own reason to the facts of ages, the fulfilment 
of prophecy, the evidence of miracles, and the good sense 
of the wisest and best men who have ever lived. 

" The sufficiency of human reason," says Young, "is the 
golden calf which these men set up to be worshipped ; and, 
in the phrensies of their extravagant devotion to it, they tram- 
ple on venerable authority, strike at an oak with an osier, 
the doctrine of God's own planting and the growth of ages, 
with the sudden and fortuitous shoots of imagination, abor- 
tive births of an hour. The human improvements on divine 
revelation may be compared to the profaning of the Holy 
Bible with the figure of heathen idols under Antiochus 
Epiphcuies ; or, rather, to the proud Roman emperor who 
took the head from Jupiter's statue, and placed his own in 
its stead." 

The elegant Saurin strikingly describes the folly and 
madness of such men : "What surprises me, what stumbles 
me, what frightens me, is to see a diminutive creature, a con- 
temptible man, a little ray of light glimmering through a few 
feeble organs, controvert a point with the Supreme Being, 
oppose that Intelligence who setteth at the helm of the world, 
question what he affirms, dispute what he determines, ap- 
peal from his decision, and, even after God hath given evi- 
dence, reject all doctrines that are beyond his capacity. 
Enter into thy nothingness, mortal creature! What mad- 
ness animates thee ? How darest thou pretend, thou who 
art but a point, thou whose essence is but an atom, to meas- 
ure thyself with the Supreme Being, with Him whom the 
heaven of heavens cannot contain ?" 



ANECDOTES. 



POPERY. 



The following document was issued by the pope against a 
person for renouncing the errors of the Church of Rome in 
1758: 

The pope's curse, bell, book, and candle, on a heretic at 
Hampreston. 

" By th,e authority of the blessed Virgin Mary, of Sts. Peter 
and Paul, and of the holy saints, we excommunicate, we ut- 
terly curse and ban, commit and deliver to the devil of hell, 
Henry Goldney, of Hampreston, in the county of Dorset, an 
infamous heretic, that hath, in spite of God and St. Peter, 
whose church this is, in spite of all holy saints, and in spite 
of our holy father, the pope (God's vicar here on earth), and 
of the reverend and worshipful the canons, masters, priests, 
Jesuits, and clerks of our holy church, committed the heinous 
crimes of sacrilege with the images of our holy saints, and 
forsaken our most holy religion, and continues in heresy, 
blasphemy, and corrupt lust. Excommunicated be he final- 
ly, and delivered over to the devil as a perpetual malefactor 
and schismatic. Accursed be he, and given soul and body 
to the devil to be buffeted. Cursed be he in all holy cities 
and towns, in fields and ways, in houses and out of houses, 
and in all other places, standing, lying, or rising, walking, 
running, waking, sleeping, eating, drinking, and whatsoever 
he does besides. We separate him from the threshold ; 
from all the good prayers of the church ; from participation 
of holy mass ; from all sacraments, chapels, and altars ; 
from holy bread and holy water ; from all the merits of our 
holy priests and religious men, and from all their cloisters ; 
from all their pardons, privileges, grants, and immunities all 
the holy fathers (popes of Rome) have granted to them ; and 
we give him over utterly to the power of the devil ; and we 
pray to our Lady, and Sts. Peter and Paul, and all our holy 
saints, that all the senses of his body may fail him, and that 
he may have no feeling, except he come openly to our be- 
loved priest at Stapehill, in time of mass, within thirty days 
from the third time of pronouncing hereof by our dear priest 
there, and confess his heinous, heretical, and blasphemous 
crimes, and by true repentance make satisfaction to our Lady, 
St. Peter, and the worshipful company of our holy Church 
of Rome, and suffer himself to be buffeted, scourged, and 
spit upon, as our said dear priest, in his goodness, holiness, 
and sanctity shall direct and prescribe. Given urder the 



MISCELLANEOUS. 389 

seal of our holy church at Rome, the tenth day of August, 
in the year of our Lord Christ one thousand seven hundred 
and fifty-eight, and in the first year of our pontificate. 

"C. R. 

" Eighth of October, 1758, pronounced the first time. 

" Fifteenth of ditto, pronounced the second time. 

" Twenty-second of ditto, pronounced the third time." 



Romish Superstition. — A Neapolitan shepherd came in 
anguish to his priest, " Father, have mercy on a miserable 
sinner. It is the holy season of Lent ; and, while I was 
busy at work, some whey spurting from the cheese-press 
flew into my mouth, and, wretched man ! I swallowed it. 
Free my distressed conscience from its agonies by absolv- 
ing me from my guilt !" " Have you no other sins to con- 
fess ?" said his spiritual guide. " No ; I do not know that I 
have committed any other." " There are," said the priest, 
" many robberies and murders from time to time committed 
on your mountains, and I have reason to believe you are one 
of the persons concerned in them." " Yes," he replied, " I 
am ; but these are never accounted a crime ; it is a thing 
practised by us all, and there needs no confession on that ac- 
count." Was not this straining at a gnat and swallowing a 
camel with a witness 1 yet many act little better than this man 



St. Francis. — A cordelier, preaching on the merits of St. 
Francis, exalted him in his discourse above all other saints 
in the calendar. After exaggerating his merits, he exclaimed, 
" Where shall we place the seraphical father, St. Francis ? 
He is greater in dignity than all other saints. Shall we place 
him among the prophets ? Oh, no ! he is greater than the 
prophets. Shall we place him among the patriarchs ?" In 
like manner he exalted him above the angels, archangels, 
cherubims, seraphims, virtues, thrones, dominions, and pow- 
ers ; and still he exclaimed, " Where, then, shall we place 
him ! where shall we place this holy saint ?" A sailor in 
the church, tired with the discourse, rose up and said, " If 
you really don't know where to place him, I'll tell you. You 
may place him in my seat, for I'm off." 



Priestcraft Outwitted. — An Italian noble being at 
church one day, and finding a priest who begged for the 
souls in purgatory, gave him a piece of gold. " Ah ! my 
lord," said the good father, " you have now delivered a soul." 
The count threw upon the plate another piece. " Here is 



390 ANECDOTES. 

another soul delivered," said the priest. " Are you positive 
of it ?" replied the count. " Yes, my lord," replied the priest, 
" I am certain they are now in heaven." " Then," said the 
count, " I'll take back my money, for it signifies nothing to 
you now ; seeing the souls are already got to heaven, there 
can be no danger of their returning to purgatory." 

Transubstantiation. — When Dean Swift was request- 
ed to give his opinion of the Roman Catholic doctrine, that 
the bread administered in the sacrament of the Lord's Supper 
was the real body of Christ, he is said to have written his 
answer as follows : 

'« Friar John, in his cell, took his exit of late, 
Of the gravel, some say, but no matter for that ; 
He's dead, that's enough ; and, if story tells right, 
He was soon at hell's gate in a pitiful plight. 
' Who's there?' cries the demon on guard ; quoth the other, 
' A poor guilty priest, a Catholic brother.' 
' Halt ! instantly halt ! stand off, and keep rtear ; 
Go, be damned somewhere else, thou shalt ne'er enter here ; 
We'll trust none so savage. A wretch so uncivil, 
Who on earth ate his god, might in hell eat the devil !' " 



Arrogance. — A few years ago a pilot in Quebec, a Ro- 
man Catholic, who cared nothing at all about religion, picked 
up an old Bible which had been cast ashore from the wreck 
of a ship. He read it through ; and it opened his eyes so 
much that he could not forbear disputing w r ith his priest upon 
certain points in religion. The priest was much surprised 
to hear him so knowing, and inquired how he had received 
his information ; upon which the pilot showed him his Bible. 
The priest declared it was not a fit book for him to read, 
and desired he would give it into his charge. This the pilot 
refused, and the priest threatened to write to the bishop, and 
have him excommunicated as a heretic. But finding that 
neither threats nor entreaties had any effect, he requested 
he would keep it to himself, and let none of his neighbours 
know he had such a book. The old pilot declared that he 
considered the finding of that book the happiest event in his 
life, in consequence of the comfort which he received from 
perusing it. 



Districts in Purgatory. — In a lecture against popery, 
delivered in New- York not long since by Dr. Brownlee, we 
heard the following fact related : 

A woman and two children called on a lady in Broadway 
to ask alms. The woman was dressed in black, and said 
that she was left a widow, with the children she had accom- 



MISCELLANEOUS. 391 

panying her, in distressed circumstances, and she urged her 
request for alms with considerable earnestness. The lady 
informed her that she could give her no money, but offered 
her food and articles of clothing if she might need them. 
But these would not do ; the widow wanted money, and she 
insisted so earnestly on the gift of money, that the lady asked 
her into the house, and entered into conversation with her, 
when she drew from the widow the following story : 

" My husband," said she, " died a few weeks ago, and 

since that I've had no peace. Priest called on me soon 

after, and reproved me for not paying over to him the sum 
of money necessary for his release from that place of tor- 
ment. I asked him how much that would be. ' Oh,' said 
he, ' we have had different prices for different souls. For 
saying mass for some we haye one hundred dollars, for 
others fifty, and for others less. The least sum I can ac- 
cept for praying the soul of your departed husband out of 
that place of torment is twenty-four dollars? And now he 
gives me no peace because you know I have not the money, 
and what can I do for the soul of my poor husband ?" 

The lady took a Bible, and handing it to the afflicted widow, 
said to her, " Here, take this Bible, and go to the priest you 
speak of, and request him to fold down a leaf on that place 
which teaches the doctrine of purgatory, and then you bring 
the Bible back to me, and I will give you the whole amount 
you want to pay for the praying your husband out of that 
place of torment." 

The poor Romanist was delighted with this proposal. 
She took the Bible and made off in great haste to the priest; 
but she was not gone a great while ; she soon returned more 
sorrowful than before. She told the lady, in great distress, 
that she carried the Bible to the priest, and informed him 
how he could put her in the way of obtaining the whole 
amount necessary to procure the release of her husband's soul 
from the torments of purgatory. But, alas ! instead of turn- 
ing down a leaf in her Bible upon the place where it teaches 
the doctrine of purgatory, he flew into a violent rage, and or- 
dered her from his presence, saying, " See that the twenty- 
four dollars are forthcoming, or I'll put you under penance 
for having in your presence thai heretical book, and your 
husband shall never be released from purgatory till the money 
is paid down ; and, mind you ! no other priest but myself 
can pray him out, for he is in my district /" 

Popish Miracles, Mysteries, Relics, and Ceremo- 



392 ANECDOTES. 

nies. — The following will give us some idea of the fallacy 
of miracles in the Romish Church. 

" St. Anthony is thought to have had a great command 
over fire, and power of destroying, by flashes of that element, 
those who incurred his displeasure. A certain monk of St. 
Anthony one day assembled his congregation under a tree 
where a magpie had built her nest, into which he had found 
means to convey a small box filled with gunpowder, and out 
of the box hung a long, thin match, that was to burn slowly, 
and was hidden among the leaves of the trees. As soon as 
the monk or his assistant had touched the match with a 
lighted coal, he began his sermon. In the mean while the 
magpie returned to her nest, and, finding in it a strange body 
which she could not remove, she fell into a passion, and 
began to scratch with her feet, and chatter most unmerci- 
fully. The friar affected to hear her without emotion, and 
continued his sermon with great composure, only he would 
now and then lift up his eyes towards the top of the tree, 
as if he wanted to know what was the matter. At last, 
when he judged that the match was near reaching the gun- 
powder, he pretended to be out of patience ; he cursed the 
magpie, wished St. Anthony's fire might consume her, and 
went on again with his sermon. But he had scarcely pro- 
nounced two or three periods when the match on a sudden 
produced its effect, and blew up the magpie with its nest; 
which miracle wonderfully raised the character of the friar, 
and proved afterward very beneficial to him and his convent." 

Galbert, monk of Marchiennes, informs us of a strange 
act of devotion in his time, and which, indeed, is attested by 
several contemporary writers. When the saints did not 
readily comply with the prayers of their votarists, they 
flogged their relics with rods in a spirit of impatience, which 
they conceived were proper to make them bend into com- 
pliance. 

Prince Radzivil. — When the Reformation was spread 
in Lithuania, Prince Radzivil was so affected that he went 
in person to visit the pope, and pay him all possible honours. 
His holiness on this occasion presented him with a box of 
precious relics. Having returned home, the report of this 
invaluable possession was spread; and, at length, some 
monks entreated permission to try the effects of these relics 
on a demoniac who had hitherto resisted every kind of ex- 
orcism. They were brought into the church with solemn 
pomp, deposited on the altar, and an innumerable crowd at- 



MISCELLANEOUS. 393 

tended. After the usual conjurations, which were unsuc- 
cessful, they applied the relics. The demoniac instantly 
became well. The people cried out, A. miracle ! and the 
prince, lifting his hands and eyes to heaven, felt his faith 
confirmed. In this transport of pious joy he observed that 
a young gentleman, who was keeper of this rich treasure of 
relics, smiled, and appeared by his motions to ridicule the 
miracle. The prince, with violent indignation, took our 
young keeper of the relics to task ; who, on promise of par- 
don, gave the following secret intelligence concerning them : 
He assured him that, in travelling from Rome, he had lost 
the box of relics, and that, not daring to mention it, he had 
procured a similar one, which he had filled with the small 
bones of dogs and cats, and other trifles similar to what was 
lost. He hoped he might be forgiven for smiling when he 
found that such a collection of rubbish was idolized with 
such pomp, and had even the virtue of expelling demons. 
It was by the assistance of this box that the prince discov- 
ered the great impositions of the monks and the demoniacs, 
and he afterward became a zealous Lutheran. 



A Miracle. — Among the many strange things related in 
the Roman Breviary for the edification of the faithful, is the 
following concerning Dionysius, the Roman saint : 

" Dionysius, having now passed his hundredth year, was 
struck with the axe on the seventh of the ides of October ; 
concerning whom tradition relates that he took up his head 
when cut off, and carried it in his hands two miles, &c. 
Die ix Octobris." 

Think of this, reader, " a man running two miles with his 
head in his hands !" We are not joking ; the story ac- 
tually has a place in the Breviary, a sort of repository for 
modern miracles. This story may, perhaps, afford an illus- 
tration of the utility of tradition, since from authentic history 
we have no such information about St. Dionysius as is here 
given. Certainly from no other could we have been in- 
formed of this most astonishing miracle, a man running two 
miles with his own head in his hands ! So marvellous is it, 
that it will not be surprising if some should regard it as one 
of those stories of the dark ages got up by corrupt men 
to excite the wonderment of the ignorant. — Lutheran Ob- 
server. 



Modern Miracle-monger. — A priest -in extreme pov- 
erty resolved to get credit for a miracle. He put the yolks 

Ddd 



394 ANECDOTES. 

of several eggs in a hollow cane, and stopped the end with 
butter ; then, walking into an alehouse, he begged to fry a 
single egg for his dinner. The smallness of his repast exci- 
ted curiosity, and they gave him a morsel of lard. He 
stirred the lard with his cane, and, to the wonder of the sur- 
rounding peasants, produced a handsome omelet. This 
miracle established his fame ; he sold omelets, and got rich 
by his ingenuity. 

The Inquisition. — The late Admiral Pye, having been 
on a visit to Southampton, and the gentleman under whose 
roof he resided having observed an unusual intimacy be- 
tween him and his secretary, inquired into the degree of 
their relationship, as he wished to pay him suitable attention. 
The admiral informed him that they were not related, but 
their intimacy arose from a singular circumstance, which, by 
his permission, he would relate. The admiral said, when 
he was a captain he was cruising in the Mediterranean. 
While on that station he received a letter from shore, stating 
that the unhappy author of the letter was by birth an Eng- 
lishman ; that, having been a voyage to Spain, he was en- 
ticed, while there, to become a Papist, and, in process of 
time, was made a member of the Inquisition ; that there he 
beheld the abominable wickedness and barbarities of the in- 
quisitors. His heart recoiled at having embraced a religion 
so horribly cruel and so repugnant to the nature of God ; that 
he was stung with remorse to think that, if his parents knew 
what and where he was, their hearts would break with grief; 
that he was resolved to escape if he (the captain) would send 
a boat on shore at such a time and place ; but begged se- 
crecy, since, if his intentions were discovered, he should be 
immediately assassinated. The captain returned for answer 
that he could not with propriety send a boat, but if he could 
devise any means to come on board, he would receive him 
as a British subject and protect him. He did so ; but, being 
missed, there was soon raised a hue and cry, and he was 
followed to the ship. 

A holy inquisitor demanded him, but he was refused. 
Another, in the name of his holiness the pope, claimed him, 
but the captain did not know him or any other master but 
his own sovereign, King George. At length a third holy 
brother approached. The young man recognised him at a 
distance, and, in terror, ran to the captain, entreating him 
not to be deceived by him, for he was the most false, wick- 
ed, and cruel monster in all the inquisition- He was intro- 



MISCELLANEOUS. 395 

duced, the young man being present; and, to obtain his object, 
began with the bitterest accusations against him ; then he 
turned to the most fulsome flatteries of the captain ; and, 
lastly, offered him a sum of money to resign him. The 
captain treated him with apparent attention ; said his offer 
was very handsome, and, if what he affirmed were true, the 
person in question was unworthy of the English name or of 
his protection. The holy brother was elated ; he thought 
his errand was accomplished. While drawing his purse- 
strings, the captain inquired what punishment would be in- 
flicted upon him. He replied that it was uncertain; but as 
his offences were atrocious, it was likely that his punishment 
would be exemplary. The captain asked if he thought he 
would be burned in a dry pan. He replied, that must be 
determined by the holy Inquisition, but it was not improb- 
able. 

The captain then ordered the great copper to be heated, 
but no water to be put in. All this while the young man 
stood trembling ; his cheeks resembled death ; he expected 
to become an unhappy victim to avarice and superstition. 
The cook soon announced that the orders were executed. 
" Then I command you to take this fellow," pointing to the 
inquisitor, "and fry him alive in the copper." This unex- 
pected command thunderstruck the holy father. Alarmed 
for himself, he rose to be gone. The cook began to bundle 
him away. " Oh, good captain ! good captain ! spare, spare 
me, spare me!" "Have him away !" replied the captain. 
" Oh no, my good captain !" " Have him away ! I'll teach 
him to attempt to bribe a British commander to sacrifice the 
life of an Englishman to gratify a herd of bloody men." 
Down the inquisitor fell upon his knees, offering him all his 
money, and promising never to return if he would let him 
begone. When the captain had sufficiently alarmed him, he 
dismissed him, warning him never to come again on such an 
errand. What must have been the reverse of feelings in the 
young man to find himself thus happily delivered ! He feL 
upon his knees in a flood of tears before the captain, and pour- 
ed out a thousand blessings upon his brave and noble deliv- 
erer. " This," said the admiral to the gentleman, " is the cir- 
cumstance that began our acquaintance. I then took him to 
be my servant ; he served me from affection ; mutual attach- 
ment ensued ; and it has inviolably subsisted and increased 
to this day." Christian reader, such, and infinitely stronger, 
should be thy attachment to Jesus Christ, who has delivered 
thee from eternal flames, and that at the expense of his own 
life! 



396 ANECDOTES. 



METEMPSYCHOSIS. 



The Reverend Billy Hibbard, in conversation with a 
gentleman on their way up Long Island Sound, who pro- 
fessed skepticism in everything he could not see, asked 
him if he believed there was a heaven. He said " No." 
" Well, as you don't believe there is a heaven or a hell, 
where will you go when you die ?" " Oh, I shall transmi- 
grate, I suppose, into some fine horse." " Ah ! ha !" said 
I, " then it is transmigration you believe in. Well, well, if 
, you get drowned here in the Sound, and the horsefeet eat 
you, you will then turn into a horsefoot ; and then the fish- 
ermen may catch you, and give you to the hogs, and then 
you would turn into a hog ; and then, if some dog should bite 
you for your mischief, and you die of the wound, the women 
might try you up for soap grease, and make you into soap, 
and that will be the end of you. And do you believe God 
has made human beings to transmigrate into brutes and rep- 
tiles, and be liable to be made into soap grease? If you 
choose to embrace sentiments that will make a brute of you, 
you are welcome to the honour of it." 

Origin of the Doctrine of Transmigration.— If we 
seek for the origin of the opinion of the metempsychosis, or 
the transmigration of souls into other bodies, we must plunge 
into the remotest antiquity ; and even then we shall find it 
impossible to fix the epoch of its first author. The notion 
was long extant in Greece before the time of Pythagoras. 
Herodotus assures us that the Egyptian priests taught it ; 
but he does not inform us of the time it began to spread. 
It probably followed the opinion of the immortality of the 
soul. As soon as the first philosophers had established this 
dogma, they thought they could not maintain this immor- 
tality without a transmigration of souls. The opinion of 
the metempsychosis spread in almost every region of the 
earth ; and it continues, even to the present time, in all its 
force among those nations that have not yet embraced Chris- 
tianity. The people of Arracan, Peru, Siam, Camboya, 
Tonquin, Cochin-China, Japan, Java, and Ceylon still en- 
tertain that fancy, which also forms the chief article of the 
Chinese religion. The Druids believed in transmigration. 
The bardic triads of the Welsh are full of this belief; and 
a Welsh antiquary insists that, by an emigration which form- 
erly took place, it was conveyed to the Bramins of India 



MISCELLANEOUS. 397 

from Wales ! The Welsh bards tell us that the souls of 
men transmigrate into the bodies of those animals whose 
habits and characters they most resemble, till, after a circuit 
of such chastising miseries, they are rendered more pure for 
the celestial presence ; for man may be converted into a pig 
or a wolf, till at length he assumes the inofFensiveness of the 
dove. 



CRUELTY. 

" 1 would not enter on my list of friends 
The man who needlessly sets foot upon a worm." 

Cowper. 

Nothing can be more contrary to nature, to reason, to 
religion, than cruelty. Hence an inhuman man is gener- 
ally considered as a monster. Such monsters, however, 
have existed ; and the heart almost bleeds at the recital of 
the cruel acts such have been guilty of. It teaches us, how- 
ever, what human nature is when left to itself; not only 
treacherous above all things, but desperately wicked. 

Commodus, the Roman emperor, when but twelve years 
old, gave a shocking instance of his cruelty, when, finding 
the water in which he bathed somewhat too warm, he com- 
manded the person who attended the bath to be thrown into 
the furnace, nor was he satisfied till those who were about 
him pretended to put his order in execution. After his suc- 
cession to the empire, he equalled, if he did not exceed in 
cruelty, Caligula, Domitian, and even Nero himself; play- 
ing, we may say, with the blood of his subjects and fellow- 
creatures, of whom he caused great numbers to be racked 
and butchered in his presence merely for his diversion. 
Historians relate many instances of his cruelty. He caused 
one to be thrown to wild beasts for reading the life of Cali- 
gula written by Suetonius ; because the tyrant and he had 
been born on the same day of the month, and in many bad 
qualities resembled each other. Seeing one day a corpulent 
man pass by, he immediately cut him asunder, partly to try 
his strength, in which he excelled all men, and partly out of 
curiosity, as he himself owned, to see his entrails drop out at 
once. He took pleasure in cutting off the feet and putting 
out the eyes of such as he met in his rambles through the 
city. Some he murdered because they were negligenity 
dressed ; others because they seemed trimmed with too 
much nicety. He assumed the name and habit of Hercu- 



398 ANECDOTES. 

les, appearing publicly in a lion's skin, with a huge club in 
his hand, and ordering several persons, though not guilty of 
any crimes, to be disguised like monsters, that, by knocking 
out their brains, he might have a better claim to the title, 
the great destroyer of monsters. He, however, was de- 
stroyed in his turn : one of his concubines, whose death he 
had prepared, poisoned him ; but, as the poison did not 
quickly operate, he was strangled by a wrestler in the thirty- 
first year of his age. 

In Italy, during the greater part of the sixteenth century, 
assassinations, murders, and even murders under trust, seem 
to have been almost familiar among the superior ranks of 
people. Caesar Borgia invited four of the little princes in 
his neighbourhood, who all possessed sovereignties and 
commanded armies of their own, to a friendly conference at 
Senigaglia, where, as soon as he arrived, he put them all to 
death. 



Nero. — The beginning of Nero's reign was marked by 
acts of the greatest kindness and condescension, by affabil- 
ity, complaisance, and popularity. The object of his ad- 
ministration seemed to be the good of his people ; and, 
when he was desired to sign his name to a list of malefac- 
tors that were to be executed, he exclaimed, " I toish to 
Heaven I could not write /" He was an enemy to flattery ; 
and when the senate had liberally commended the wisdom 
of his government, Nero desired them to keep their praises 
till he deserved them. Yet this was the wretch who assas- 
sinated his mother, who set fire to Rome, and destroyed 
multitudes of men, women, and children, and then threw 
the odium of that dreadful action on the Christians. The 
cruelties he exercised towards them were beyond descrip- 
tion, while he seemed to be the only one who enjoyed the 
tragical spectacle. " The heart is deceitful above all things, 
and desperately wicked ; who can know it ?" 



Charles IX. — History records but few characters more 
cruel than Charles IX. It is said that, when he observed 
several fugitive Huguenots about his palace in the morning 
after the dreadful massacre of thirty thousand of their 
friends, he took a fowling-piece and repeatedlv fired at 
them. That this prince was naturally barbarous we may 
learn from the following anecdote : One day, when he amused 
himself with rabbit-hunting, " Make them all come out," said 
he, "that I may have the pleasure of killing them all." 



MISCELLANEOUS. 399 

This sanguinary monarch died very wretched, for he ex- 
pired bathed in his own blood, which burst from his veins, 
and in his last moments he exclaimed, " What blood ! — what 
murders ! — I know not where I am ! — how will all this end ? 
— what shall I do ? — I am lost for ever ! — I know it !" 



King of Prussia. — The late celebrated King of Prussia, 
intending to make, in the night, an important movement in 
his camp, which was in sight of the enemy, gave orders that 
by eight o'clock all the lights in the camp should be put out, 
on pain of death. The moment that the time was past, he 
walked out himself to see whether all were dark. He found 
a light in the tent of a Captain Zietern, which he entered 
just as the officer was folding up a letter. Zietern knew 
him, and instantly fell on his knees to entreat his mercy. 
The king asked to whom he had been writing ; he said it 
was a letter to his wife, which he had retained the candle 
these few minutes beyond the time in order to finish. The 
king coolly ordered him to rise and write one line more 
which he should dictate. This line was to inform his wife, 
without any explanation, that by such an hour the next day 
he should be a dead man. The letter was then sealed and 
despatched as it had been intended, and the next day the 
captain was executed. 

Heroic Negro. — Greater cruelty was perhaps never ex- 
ercised than by the Europeans to the negroes of Surinam. 
Stedman relates that nothing was more common than for 
old negroes to be broken on the wheel, and young ones burned 
alive ; and yet the fortitude with which they suffered was 
equal to that of the most ardent patriot or enthusiastic mar- 
tyr. One of the fugitive or revolted slaves being brought 
before his judges, who had condemned him previous to hear- 
ing what he had to say in his defence, requested to be heard 
for a few minutes before he was sent to execution ; when, 
leave being granted, he thus addressed them : 

" I was born in Africa; while defending the person of my 
prince in battle, I was taken prisoner, and sold as a slave on 
the Coast of Guinea. One of our countrymen, who sits 
among my judges, purchased me. Having been cruelly 
treated by his overseer, I deserted, and went to join the 
rebels in the woods. There also I was condemned to be- 
come the slave of their chief, Bonas, who treated me with 
still more cruelty than the whites, which obliged me to de- 
sert a second time, determined to fly from the human spe- 






400 ANECDOTES. 

cies for ever, and to pass the rest of my life innocently and 
alone in the woods. I had lived two years in this manner, 
a prey to the greatest hardships and the most dreadful anxiety, 
merely attached to life by the hope of once more seeing my 
beloved family, who are perhaps starving, owing to my ab- 
sence. Two years of misery had thus passed when I was 
discovered by the rangers, taken, and brought before this 
tribunal, which now knows the wretched history of my 
life." 

This speech was pronounced with the greatest modera- 
tion, and by one of the finest negroes in the colony. His 
master, who, as he had remarked, was one of his judges, 
unmoved by the pathetic and eloquent appeal, made him this 
atrocious laconic reply : "Rascal, it is of little consequence 
to us to know what you have been saying; but the torture 
shall make you confess crimes as black as yourself, as well 
as those of your detestable accomplices." At these words 
the negro, whose veins seemed to swell with indignation 
and contempt, retorted, " These hands," stretching them 
forth, " have made tigers tremble, yet you dare to threaten 
me with that despicable instrument ! No ; I despise all the 
torments which you can now invent, as well as the wretch 
who is about to inflict them." On saying these words he 
threw himself on the instrument, where he suffered the most 
dreadful tortures without uttering a syllable. 



Generous Revenge. — A young man, desirous of gettng 
rid of his dog, took it along with him to the Seine. He hired 
a boat, and, rowing into the stream, threw the animal in. The 
poor creature attempted to climb up the side of the boat ; 
but his master, whose intention was to drown him, constantly 
pushed him back with the oar. In doing this he himself 
fell into the water, and would certainly have been drowned 
had not the dog, as soon as he saw his master struggling in 
the stream, suffered the boat to float away, and held him 
above water till assistance arrived and his life was saved. 






Children should be early prohibited from tormenting in- 
sects, lest it should degenerate into insensibility, and they be- 
come inattentive to every kind of suffering but their own. 
We find that the supreme court of judicature at Athens 
thought an instance of this sort not below its cognizance, 
and punished a boy for putting out the eyes of a poor bird 
that had unhappily fallen into his hands. And Mr. Locke 
informs us of a mother who permitted her children to have 



MISCELLANEOUS. 401 

birds and insects, but rewarded or punished them as they 
treated them well or ill. 

The following circumstance, it is said, occurred at Abo, 
in Finland. A dog, which had been run over by a carriage, 
crawled to the door of a tanner in that town ; the man's son, 
a boy fifteen years of age, first stoned, and then poured a 
vessel of boiling water upon the miserable animal. This 
act of diabolical cruelty was seen by one of the magistrates, 
who thought such barbarity deserved to be publicly noticed. 
He therefore informed the other magistrates, who unani- 
mously agreed in condemning the boy to this punishment. 
He was imprisoned till the following market-day ; then, in 
the presence of all the people, he was conducted to the place 
of execution by an officer of justice, who read to him his 
sentence: "Inhuman young man, because you did not as- 
sist an animal who implored your assistance by its cries, and 
who derives being from the same God who gave you life ; 
because you added to the torture of the agonizing beast, and 
murdered it, the council of this city have sentenced you to 
wear on your breast the name you deserve, and to receive 
fifty stripes." He then hung a black board round his neck, 
with this inscription, "A savage and inhuman young man;" 
and, after inflicting upon him twenty-five stripes, he proceed- 
ed : " Inhuman young man, you have now felt a very small 
degree of the pain with which you tortured a helpless animal 
in its hour of death. As you wish for mercy from that God 
who created all that live, learn humanity for the future." 
He then executed the remainder of the sentence. 



Cruelties. — About the year 1796, the following most 
shocking and atrocious murder, under the name of suhumu- 
runu* was perpetrated at Mujilupoor, about a day's journey 
south from Calcutta. Vaucharamu, a Bramin of the above 
place, dying, his wife went to be burned with the body ; all 
the previous ceremonies were performed ; she was fastened 
on the pile, and a fire kindled. The funeral pile was by the 
side of some brushwood, and near a river. It was a late 
hour when the pile was lighted, and was a very dark, rainy 
night. When the fire began to scorch this poor woman she 
contrived to disengage herself from the dead body, and crept 
from under the pile, and hid herself among the brushwood. 
In a little time it was discovered that only one body was on 
the pile. The relations immediately took the alarm, and 

* Suhu.u-M; murunu, death. 
E E E 



402 ANECDOTES. 

began to hunt for the poor wretch who had made her escape. 
After they had found her, the son dragged her forth, and in- 
sisted upon her throwing herself upon the pile again, or that 
she should drown or hang herself. She pleaded for her life 
at the hands of her own son, and declared that she could not 
embrace so horrid a death. But she pleaded in vain ; the son 
urged that he should lose his, and that, therefore, he would 
die or she should. Unable to persuade her to hang or drown 
herself, the son and the others then tied her hands and feet, 
and threw her on the funeral pile, where she quickly perished. 
This was noticed in the House of Commons in answer 
to an opposing statement, which asserted the " filial piety" 
of the Hindoos. 



MURDERERS DISCOVERED. 

Few murderers escape without meeting with the awful 
punishment due to their crimes. Many strange stories, in- 
deed, have been told of this kind, some of which, however, 
it must be confessed, stand on too good authority to be re- 
jected. The following is translated from a respectable pub- 
lication at Basle. 

A person who worked in a brewery quarrelled with one 
of his fellow-workmen, and struck him in such a manner 
that he died upon the spot. No other person was witness to 
the deed. He then took the dead body and threw it into a 
large fire under the boiling-vat, where it was in a short time 
so completely consumed that no traces of its existence re- 
mained. On the following day, when the man was missed, 
the murderer observed very coolly that he had perceived his 
fellow-servant to have been intoxicated, and that he had 
probably fallen from a bridge which he had to cross in his 
way home, and been drowned. For the space of seven 
years after no one entertained any suspicion of the real 
state of the fact. At the end of this period the murderer 
was again employed in the same brewery. He was then in- 
duced to reflect on the singularity of the circumstance that 
his crime had remained so long concealed. Having retired 
one evening to rest, one of the other workmen, who slept 
with him, hearing him say in his sleep, " It is now full sev- 
en years ago," asked him, " What was it you did seven years 
ago ? " " I put him," he replied, still speaking in his sleep, 
" under the boiling-vat." As the affair was not entirely for- 



MISCELLANEOUS. 403 

gotten, it immediately occurred to the man that his bedfel- 
low must allude to the person who was missing about that 
time, and he accordingly gave information of what he had 
heard to a magistrate. The murderer was apprehended; and 
though at first he denied that he knew anything of the mat- 
ter, a confession of his crime was at length obtained from 
him, for which he suffered condign punishment. 

The following event lately happened in the neighbourhood 
of Frankfort-upon-the-Oder : A woman, conceiving that her 
husband, who was a soldier in the Prussian service, had been 
killed at the battle of Jena in 1806, married another man. 
It turned out that her husband had been only wounded, and ta- 
ken prisoner by the French. A cure was soon effected, and 
he joined one of the Prussian regiments which entered into 
the pay of France. After serving three years in Spain he 
was discharged, returned suddenly to his native country, 
and appeared greatly rejoiced to find his wife alive. She 
received him with every mark of affection, but did not avow 
the new matrimonial connexion she had formed. After par- 
taking of some refreshment, he complained of being quite 
overcome with fatigue, and retired to rest. She immediately 
joined with her new husband to despatch the unwelcome 
visiter in his sleep, which they accomplished by strangling 
him, and put his body into a sack. About midnight, in con- 
veying it to the Oder, the weight of the corpse burst the 
sack, and one of the legs hung out. The woman set about 
sewing up the rent, and in her hurry and confusion sewed in, 
at the same time, the skirts of her accomplice's coat. Hav- 
ing reached the bank of the river, and making a great ef- 
fort to precipitate his load as far into the stream as possible, 
he was dragged from the elevated ground he had chosen into 
the river, but contrived to keep his head above water for 
several minutes. The woman, not considering how impor- 
tant it was to keep silent, filled the air with her cries, and 
brought to the spot several peasants, w r ho, at the hazard of 
their own lives, extricated the drowning man from his peril- 
ous situation, at the same time discovering the cause. The 
man and woman were charged with the crime, made full 
confession, and were consigned to the officers of justice. 

Comment on first Tim. vi., 10. — Two young men of 
Virginia, who served in the American army during the war, 
having regularly got their discharge, made home to their 
friends. One had only a mother living when he left home ; 



404 ANECDOTES 

when they had got near home they fell into a conversation 
on the length of time they had been away, and concluded to 
try whether their parents would know them ; with this im- 
pression each took the nearest path home. The one who 
had only a mother came in ; and, finding his mother did not 
know him, he asked for lodging; to whom she replied she 
could not lodge him ; that there was a tavern not far from the 
place where he might get lodging, &c. He importuned, but 
she refused, till at last he told her he had a little money, and 
he was afraid to lodge in a tavern, lest some person should 
rob him. He took out his purse and offered it to her keep- 
ing. She, struck with the mammon, consented immediately 
to his staying ; accordingly he did, had supper, and still nev- 
er discovered himself to his mother or any of the family. 
He was directed to a bed once more in the chamber of her 
who conceived him ; how safe he must have thought him- 
self then, compared to the field of battle. But she summoned 
a negro man, told him the scheme she had planned, hired 
him to aid her to the stranger's apartment, where they mur- 
dered him in his bed. Next day his fellow-soldier came to 
see his friend ! but, on asking for the stranger, could hear 
nothing of him ; he thought it was a trick to plague him 
that the old woman denied it, till, hearing her affirm that no 
stranger had come there the last evening, nor no man, he 
asked her if she had not a son who went to the war. She 
said she had. " Well," said he, " I left him within a few 
miles of this house last evening, and he came here ; and he 
told me he would not make himself known to you, to see if 
you had forgotten his looks ; he must be here." The cruel 
mother fainted at the sentence, confessed her wickedness, 
and showed her murdered son crammed in a closet of the 
house ! ! Oh, the love of money, what has it not done, what 
will it yet do ! 

Subrius Flavius. — The Roman tribune, Subrius Flavius, 
being impeached for having conspired against the life of the 
Emperor Nero, not only owned the charge, but gloried in it. 
Upon the emperor's asking him what provocation he had 
given him to plot his death, " Because I abhorred thee," said 
Flavius, " though there was not in the whole army one more 
zealously attached to thee than I, so long as thou didst merit 
affection ; but I began to hate thee when thou becamest the 
murderer of thy mother, the murderer of thy brother and 
■rife, a charioteer, a comedian, an incendiary, and a tyrant." 
Tacitus says that the whole conspiracy afforded nothing that 






MISCELLANEOUS. 405 

proved so bitter and pungent to Nero as this reproach. He 
ordered Flavius to be immediately put to death, which he 
suffered with amazing intrepidity. When the executioner 
desired him to stretch out his neck valiantly, he replied, " I 
wish thou mayst strike as valiantly." 

The Emperor and his poor Prisoner. — A certain Em- 
peror of China, on his accession to the throne of his ances- 
tors, ordered a general release of all those who were con- 
fined in prison for debt. Among these was an old man, who 
had fallen an early victim to adversity, and whose days of 
imprisonment, reckoned by the notches he had cut on the 
door of his gloomy cell, expressed the annual circuit of more 
than fifty suns. With trembling limbs and faltering steps 
he departed from his mansion of sorrow ; his eyes were daz- 
zled with the splendour of the light, and the face of nature 
presented to his view a perfect paradise. The jail in which 
he had been imprisoned stood at some distance from Pekin, 
and to that city he directed his course, impatient to enjoy 
the caresses of his wife, his children, and his friends. 

Having with difficulty found his way to the street in which 
his decent mansion had formerly stood, his heart became 
more and more elated at every step he advanced. With 
joy he proceeded, looking eagerly around ; but he observed 
few of those objects with which he had formerly been con- 
versant. A magnificent edifice was erected on the site of 
the house he had inhabited ; the dwellings of his neighbours 
had assumed a new form, and he beheld not a single face 
of which he had the least remembrance. An aged beggar, 
who with trembling knees stood at the gate of a portico 
from which he had been thrust by the insolent domestic who 
guarded it, struck his attention ; he stopped, therefore, to give 
him a small pittance out of the bounty with which he had 
been supplied by the emperor, and received in return the 
sad tidings that his wife had fallen a lingering sacrifice to 
penury, misery, and sorrow; that his children were gone to 
seek their fortunes in distant or unknown climes ; and that 
the grave contained his nearest and most valuable friends. 
Overwhelmed with anguish, he hastened to the palace of his 
sovereign, into whose presence his hoary locks and mourn- 
ful visage soon obtained admission ; and, casting himself at 
the feet of his majesty, "Great prince," he cried, "remand 
me to that prison from which mistaken mercy hath delivered 
me ? I have survived my family and friends, and even in 
the midst of this populous city I find myself in a dreary 



406 ANECDOTES. 

solitude. The cell of my dungeon protected me from the 
gazers of my wretchedness ; and, while secluded from so- 
ciety, 1 was the less sensible of the loss of its enjoyments. 
I am now tortured with the view of pleasure in which I can- 
not participate, and die with thirst though streams of de- 
light surround me." 

Scarcity of Kings. — George I., on a journey to Han- 
over, stopped at a village in Holland, and, while the horses 
were getting ready, he asked for two or three eggs, which 
were brought him, and charged two hundred florins. " How 
is this ?" said his majesty ; " eggs must be very scarce at this 
place." " Pardon me," said the host, " eggs are plentiful 
enough, but kings are scarce." The king smiled, and or- 
dered the money to be paid. 

Good Advice. — A certain Cham of Tartary going a prog- 
ress with his nobles, was met by a dervis, who cried with 
a loud voice, " Whoever will give me a hundred pieces of 
gold, I will give him a piece of advice." The cham ordered 
him the sum ; upon which the dervis said, " Begin nothing 
of which thou hast not well considered the end." The cour- 
tiers, upon hearing this plain sentence, smiled, and said with a 
sneer, " The dervis is well paid for his maxim !" But the 
king was so well satisfied with the answer, that he ordered 
it to be written in golden letters in several places in his pal- 
ace, and engraved upon his plate. Not long after, the king's 
surgeon was bribed to kill him with a poisoned lancet at the 
time he let him. One day, when the king's arm was bound, 
and the fatal lancet in the surgeon's hand, he read on the 
basin, " Begin nothing of which thou hast not well consid- 
ered the end." He immediately started, and let the lancet 
fall out of his hand. The king observed his confusion, and 
inquired the reason ; the surgeon fell prostrate, confessed the 
whole affair, and was pardoned, and the conspirators died. 
The cham, turning to his courtiers, who heard the advice 
with contempt, told them " that that counsel could not be 
too much valued which had saved a king's life." 

Independence in Humble Life. — Hatemtia, who was 
one of the most wealthy among the Arabians, was blessed 
with a disposition that rendered him as liberal as he was 
rich. His alms were not only bestowed in private, but he 
■lade large donations to such as applied every day for relief 
H his <ratc. As liberality ha* in general more admirers than 



MISCELLANEOUS. 407 

imitators, so the man who possesses wealth and power is 
rarely at a loss for sycophants, who offer up their incense 
at the shrine of adulation. One day, a friend of Hatemtia, 
praising his generosity, said, " I 'think there never was a man 
of more noble spirit." " I beg your pardon," returned Ha- 
temtia ; " I not long since met a poor fellow staggering un- 
der a bundle of thorns which he had been cutting for fire- 
wood. Seeing his poverty, I asked him why, instead of 
labouring so hard, he did not go to the gate of Hatemtia for 
relief. The poor man replied, ' He who can earn a morsel 
of bread by his own industry has no need to be obliged to 
Hatemtia.' This man's mind was truly noble. Content- 
ment is a most invaluable jewel ; it suits the back to the 
burden, not the burden to the back. He who thinks he has 
enough is a happy character." 

Affectation and Sensibility. — When the late Dr. 
Moore was in Paris, in the course of his travels, he one day 
found a lady of quality, whom he had been in the habit of 
visiting, manifesting much ill-humour, and evidently betray- 
ing great agitation of mind. Dr. Moore, who had never be- 
fore beheld her in such a state of confusion, suspected that 
some serious calamity had taken place ; and, with much 
sympathetic feeling, inquired into the occasion of her per- 
turbation. The lady, who felt the cause of her vexation in 
all its magnitude, instantly returned the following reply : 

" Why, my dear sir, I yesterday sent Comtesse de 

the politest message in the world, begging to have the hon- 
our of her company this day at dinner ; and behold, the hor- 
rid woman, with a rudeness or ignorance of life without ex- 
ample, sends me word that she accepts my invitation !" 

Do not such ridiculous characters resemble 

" Ocean into tempest toss'd 
To waft a feather or to drown a fly ?" 



Ornaments. — The wife of Phocion, an Athenian general, 
entertained in her house an Ionian lady, one of her friends ; 
the lady showed her her bracelets and necklaces, which had 
all the magnificence that gold and jewels could give them. 
Upon which the good matron said, " Phocion is my orna- 
ment, who is now called the twentieth time to the command 
of the Athenian armies." 



Egyptian Deity. — The Egyptians worshipped a great 
number of beasts ; as the ox, the dog, the wolf, the hawk, 



408 ANECDOTES. 

the crocodile, the ibis, the cat, &c. A Roman having, inad- 
vertently and without design, killed a cat, the exasperated 
populace ran to his house ; and neither the authority of the 
king, who immediately detached a body of his guards, nor 
the terror of the Roman name, could rescue the unfortunate 
criminal. And such was the reverence which the Egyptians 
had for these animals, that in an extreme famine they chose 
to eat one another rather than feed upon their imagined 
deities. 

Hannibal's Stratagem. — He employed a stratagem of 
an extraordinary kind in a seafight. As the enemy's fleet 
consisted of more ships than his, he had recourse to artifice. 
He put into earthen vessels all kinds of serpents, and or- 
dered these vessels to be thrown into the enemy's ships. 
His chief aim was to destroy Eumenes ; and for that pur- 
pose it was necessary for him to find out which ship he was 
on board of. This Hannibal discovered by sending out a 
boat upon pretence of conveying a letter to him. Having 
gained his point thus far, he ordered the commanders of the 
respective vessels to direct their attack principally against 
Eumenes's ship. They obeyed, and would have taken it 
had he not outsailed his pursuers. The rest of the ships of 
Purgamus sustained the fight with great vigour till the earth- 
en vessels had been thrown into them. At first they only 
laughed at this, and were very much surprised to find such 
weapons employed against them. But when they saw them- 
selves surrounded with the serpents, which darted out of 
these vessels when they flew to pieces, they were seized with 
dread, retired in disorder, and yielded the victory to the en 
emy. 



Implicit Faith. — Implicit faith has been sometimes 
styled jides carbonaria, from the story of one who, examin- 
ing an ignorant collier on his religious principles, asked him 
what it was that he believed. He answered, " I believe 
what the church believes." The other rejoined, "What, 
then, does the church believe ?" He replied, readily, " The 
church believes what I believe." The other, desirous, if pos- 
sible, to bring him to particulars, once more resumed his in- 
quiry. " Tell me, then, I pray you, what it is which you 
and the church both believe." The only answer the collier 
could give was, " Why, truly, sir, the church and I both — be- 
l ieve the same thing." 

THE END. 






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